Fic: Deliberately Provocative
Title: Deliberately Provocative
Spoilers: 'The Hofstader Isotope' I guess
Rating: R(ish)
Word Count: 1585
Written for the Fiction Friday/ Smutty Saturday Challenge Extravaganza!
Thank you to arabian for fixing the formatting issues that were giving me mental problems with this! It's still not great because my computer is ridiculous and won't let me get rid of all the extra spacing, but it's better and it's all because of her!
Penny blinked awake, letting her eyes adjust to the dark. She was in her apartment, under the blanket she usually had folded at the foot of her bed. It took her a minute to remember exactly what had happened to her.
Oh, right.
Sheldon.
Climbing off the couch, she threw back the blanket that had been laid over her and made her way carefully to the door. She opened it and a beam of light from the hallway fell across the floor. Irritated, Penny noticed her shoes, normally haphazardly strewn across her floor, were now lined up next to her door. She strode barefoot across the hall. She was going to keep a strangle hold on all this good anger before it dissipated and Penny knew exactly who to unleash it on.
Bang, bang, bang. “Sheldon!”
Bang, bang, bang. “Sheldon!”
Bang, bang, bang. “Sheldon!”
The door swung open and the man in question appeared before her. “Oh, you’re awake.” He sounded strangely upbeat.
“Yeah,” she answered dully. She still wasn’t fully awake yet. She slipped past him and into the apartment before turning to face him. “What did you do to my date?
“What do you mean?” He seemed genuinely perplexed.
“Stuart. Where is he?”
“Oh.” Sheldon shut the door with a definitive motion. Snap. “You fell asleep, so I sent him home.”
“You sent him home?” Her voice was getting higher and shriller with every syllable.
“Yes,” he answered. “You’re welcome.”
Penny narrowed her eyes at him. “Am I?”
Sheldon regarded her for a moment. “I’m given to understand you are unhappy with me for some reason?”
“Ya’ think?” she asked sarcastically. He simply stared at her, waiting for explanation. She sighed. Of course he didn’t get it. "Sheldon, you cock-blocked him. And by extension, me.”
The tall physicist’s eyes grew huge, his jaw dropping. “I hardly think so,” he finally stated. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I was merely engaging him in conversation.”
“In the middle of our date!” she yelled back.
“Clearly, you were unable to keep his interest piqued,” he shot back, stepping toward her. “Maybe if you had been able to hold his attention better, he wouldn’t have felt the need to dispassionately argue his views.”
“Yeah, I was in the process of doing that when you ambushed us with your stupid trivial argument about Robin.”
“Trivial argument?” he repeated angrily, his voice going into a higher register.
“Yeah,” she responded cattily. “Who cares?”
“Well, Stuart for one.”
She lunged, ready to pummel him, but Sheldon ducked out of the way quickly. He moved away from her, putting the sofa between them. She continued to glower at him. “I was on a date,” she finally said in an exasperated tone.
She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I apologize.”
She stopped dead . “What?”
“I apologize for ruining your date,” he clarified. “But I was not, as you so crudely stated, cock-blocking.”
Penny softened. He really didn’t know any better. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
Sheldon slid down into his spot, hands on his knees. Penny came around and flopped down on the opposite end, tucking her feet underneath her. Sheldon had a look on his face similar to the one Penny’s brother got when trying to do long division in his head.
“Penny?”
“Yeah?”
He turned toward her, his brow furrowed. “Why did you think I was…..doing that?”
Penny couldn’t bite back her smile. He couldn’t even say it. It was actually kind of endearing. “It’s something that guys do to keep another guy from sleeping with-”
“Yes, I understand the science behind the term, thank you.” He had the stones to be condescending about this?
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Then what’s the question?”
Sheldon looked slightly green. “If you’re stating that I, as you put it, cock-blocked Stuart, then you’re implying that I was trying to keep Stuart from having sex with you because I in fact wanted you for myself.” He paused and looked at her. “Am I understanding correctly?”
Penny couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. She had actually just implied that Sheldon wanted to have sex with her. Which was ridiculous. She worried her lower lip between her teeth, trying to think fast. “Um….” Sheldon looked at her expectantly. “I don’t……” She had no answer for him.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he went on. “I think Stuart is unschooled in many things he should have a better understanding of and clearly, your continued connection with him will make my life miserable, as it will cause Leonard to act like a sullen teenager for several long months.” He paused in his soliloquy to take a breath. “But I didn’t want to give you the impression that I was actively trying to have sex with you.”
Penny felt extremely uncomfortable. “Of course not.”
Sheldon tilted his head to the side, still deep in thought. His hands were still laid flat on his knees, but his arms were obviously tense, his lean muscles dancing underneath his skin. The muscles of his neck strained at this angle too, and Penny had the sudden ridiculous notion to drop a kiss onto the spot on his jaw below his ear. Yeah, she needed….something. She was losing her mind here.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked after a minute.
“Of course, sweetie.” Penny replied, shaking herself from her lecherous thoughts. She needed to ready herself for the horribly mean thing that was about to come out of his mouth.
“Why were you trying to have sex with Stuart?”
She winced, feeling an immense headache wrapping itself around her skull. What could she possibly say to that? “It’s a girl thing, Sheldon.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Are you in heat?”
Penny reached up to rub her temples. “Sheldon….”
“Penny,” he responded lightly. “It’s a natural part of the female reproductive cycle. In the animal kingdom, it’s generally perceived to be a yearly or bi-yearly occurrence.“ He paused. “Felines in this situation are likely to spray their urine on the walls of wherever they live.”
“And now you’re talking to me about cat urine,” she noted, groaning.
“I was trying to be helpful.”
“Stop talking,” she answered shortly. Her body was getting warm watching his long finger flex against his kneecaps. Okay, so maybe she was in heat.
Except for the urine-spraying thing at least.
“Furthermore-”
But she was already clamoring across the couch to climb onto his lap sloppily. She got right in his face. “I said stop talking,” she repeated slowly.
He let out a startled squeak, leaning back away from her as well as he could.
Before allowing herself time to weigh the pros and cons of it, Penny leaned in and pressed her lips against his. For several long moments, he didn’t make a move, didn’t breathe. Penny pulled away, scared she’d broken his brain. She watched him carefully, waiting for a sign that she hadn’t ruined one of the greatest minds of the twenty-first century. His eyelids fluttered open slowly and his tongue came out, lightning-quick, to lick his lips.
She would have been fine had he not done that. She groaned out loud, leaning into him again. This time, he responded, gently at first. His used only as much pressure as she did, mirroring her technique beat for beat. Penny wrapped one arm around his neck, while the other trailed down his chest, settling on his lower stomach. He pulled one hand up, tentatively placing it on her right arm. His fingers played with the soft fabric of her sweater. But Penny was more interested in the hand that was still resting atop his kneecap.
Just underneath her.
Penny pushed her hips down, hoping he would get the hint. He startled, breaking their kiss momentarily to look at her. She looked at him challengingly, and moved her hand the last two inches south to quickly unbutton and unzip his khakis. “Ah!” He bucked forward, unable to control himself. He watched her, shock etched on his face. She slid a hand into his open fly, caressing him through his underwear.
"Sheldon,” she whispered harshly. She ran her hand lightly down his arm, past her open thighs to grasp his hand and raise it the few inches to where she wanted it. His eyelids fluttered again, but he managed not to pass out, which Penny was almost expecting. She smiled to herself, watching Sheldon’s reaction to what was happening. And then he moved his fingers slightly and Penny couldn’t think anymore. Almost involuntarily, her head fell backwards, her eyes closing.
“-shouldn’t have worked, though. He sat at the bar not talking all night.”
Howard.
“Maybe that’s the key, letting them come to us.”
Leonard.
Shit.
She met Sheldon’s eye, trying to think of what to say, but as always, he was right with her. He was hastily zipping his pants and gingerly trying to move her off of him. Penny took the hint and scrambled to the other side of the couch. Sheldon flipped the television on just as the door opened. They both stared resolutely at it, not acknowledging the other.
“Hey, Penny.” She turned her head to see Leonard smiling shyly at her.
“Hi,” she answered.
“How was your date?” he asked, always the glutton for punishment.
She shrugged non-commitally.
“He’s an idiot.” Penny eyes found his in record time. She swallowed over the lump in her throat.
“Why do you say that?” Howard asked.
Sheldon turned back to the television.
“He thinks Batman should be Jason Todd.”