fic: the near-apocalypse scenario, part two
Title: The Near-Apocalypse Scenario (Part Two of Two)
Rating: T
Pairing: Sheldon/Penny
Word Count: ~2500
Summary: In the wake of the unthinkable, the implausible becomes inevitable. So what will Sheldon do about it?
Link to Part One
Thanks to irrel for humoring my authorial neuroses and giving this part the once-over before I posted it.
* * *
THE NEAR-APOCALYPSE SCENARIO
Part Two
The moment Leonard entered the apartment, Sheldon had jumped away from Penny with such alacrity that he'd practically broken the light barrier. Not that practically was a useful standard of measurement-Sheldon spared a microsecond to mentally berate himself for sloppy thinking-but at any rate he'd removed himself from Penny's immediate vicinity, and there'd been no reason to believe that Leonard had observed anything unusual. Sheldon was congratulating himself on having escaped a potentially disastrous situation when two facts belatedly penetrated his brain.
One: Leonard was alive, and that meant that barring extraordinary circumstances, Raj and Howard were also alive (to which the tiny part of Sheldon that was still proud of having won a prize for perfect attendance at Sunday School said Hallelujah).
Two: Leonard had just uttered the words "you made out with Sheldon" to Penny (to which the rest of Sheldon's brain said Oh, crap on a silicon wafer).
Sheldon could only hypothesize that this was what ordinary people meant when they spoke of having mixed feelings, and his conclusion was that he didn't like it.
"It wasn't like that," Penny was protesting. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes still red from tears. "Sheldon and I weren't making out, we just… I mean, I was upset, we were both upset, because we thought you were-"
"Yeah, dead. I got that part." Leonard scrubbed wearily at his eyes. "Look, I've been travelling for the last seventeen hours and I'm pretty much a zombie at the moment. Can we talk about this later?" And without waiting for an answer (or even saying good night, how rude!) he picked up his suitcase and slumped off down the hallway to his room.
Seconds ticked past, and then Penny said in a hoarse voice, "Okay. Well… I guess I'll go back to bed now. Great news about Leonard and the others, huh? Thanks for… I mean, I'm sorry I woke you up."
"No matter, Penny, it was an understandable mistake," said Sheldon, rising briskly from the sofa. "No doubt the mystery of why Leonard, Raj and Howard ended up on an earlier flight and also neglected to turn on their cell phones upon landing will be resolved tomorrow. Good night, Penny."
He was halfway to his bedroom when he realized she hadn't responded, and it occurred to him that his farewell might have been inadequate. He paused and added over his shoulder, "Sweet dreams."
"Yeah," said Penny faintly. "You too."
The door clicked shut behind her.
"Okay," came Leonard's muffled voice from inside the master bedroom, "what exactly was that?"
"That would be Penny leaving," said Sheldon, as he headed into his own room and shut the door.
He had just positioned himself accurately atop the mattress and arranged the covers to his satisfaction when there came a shuffling in the hallway, followed by a tentative knock.
"Leonard, as you have been quick to point out to me on past occasions, it is two a.m.-" Sheldon glanced at the luminous face of his atomic watch. "Correction, it is two-seventeen a.m. Surely there is no need to elaborate on why I have no intention of carrying on a conversation at this hour?"
"Oh, come on, Sheldon! Don't you think we should, you know, talk about this?"
"To what are you referring? Really, Leonard, I don't know how you can expect me to answer when you insist on being so vague."
"You…? And Penny…?"
That whining note in Leonard's voice could really be quite irritating at times. "I am your roommate," replied Sheldon. "Penny is our neighbor. If you wish further details, I suggest we continue this at a more appropriate time-say, seven hours and forty-two minutes from now."
There was a pause. Then:
"Okay," said Leonard defeatedly, and Sheldon permitted himself a little, triumphant smile.
* * *
It was ten o'clock on a Sunday morning, none of his friends were dead, and Sheldon was making pancakes while wearing his vintage Zot! limited edition t-shirt. All in all, a good day-indeed, he could easily have upgraded his assessment to excellent, if not for the lingering fatigue. He stifled a yawn, flipped over the pancakes with an expert flick of the wrist, and reached for the electric kettle.
"Rough night, huh?" came Leonard's voice from behind him.
Sheldon detected sarcasm in that statement, but he chose to ignore it in favor of filling the kettle and plugging it in. Coffee would be ill-advised as a stimulant given his sensitivity to caffeine, but strong black tea should prove adequate…
Leonard sighed. " Sheldon, I'm not mad, I just want to know what happened, okay?"
"Fine." Sheldon set down the tea canister and turned toward him. "Penny was distraught, so I gave her a hug."
"A hug," said Leonard in a dubious voice.
"Yes." Sheldon forced himself to keep his face straight, though he could feel the muscles in his cheeks beginning to twitch. "And that was when you came in. So you see, Leonard, your fears that Penny and I were 'making out' in some kind of sordid bacchanalian celebration of your demise were quite unjustified."
"I didn't say anything about-" Leonard looked taken aback. "Bacchanalian?"
"Well, I have observed that any time you and Penny have become physically close in the past, there were large quantities of alcohol involved-"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"-however, I can assure you that both Penny and I were quite sober, and that our embrace was nothing more than a gesture of mutual solidarity and friendship."
There was a strained pause, and then Leonard said, "…Okay."
Satisfied, Sheldon returned to his tea-making. He had just rinsed the pot with hot water and set it aside when he heard Leonard add in a subdued tone, "That was nice of you, giving Penny a hug."
"Thank you," replied Sheldon.
"Only next time-"Leonard's voice rose to a near-hysterical pitch-"you might want to try it with a little less tongue!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," broke in Howard incredulously from the doorway. "Did I hear what I think I just heard? You're accusing Sheldon of putting the moves on Penny?"
"Dude," added Raj, his brows crooked with concern, "I know yesterday was rough, but hallucinations are not a good sign."
"I wasn't hallucinating," Leonard snapped. "Tell them, Sheldon."
"Oh, all right." Sheldon huffed an exasperated breath. "Yes, I kissed Penny. But I'll have you know there was no tongue activity involved!"
He glared at his fellow scientists, daring one of them to make some vulgar retort. But all they did was stare at him-Leonard reproachful, Raj disbelieving, and Howard with something like awe.
A soft knock sounded at the door, and Penny poked her head in. "Uh, hi, guys," she said.
Immediately they all fell into forced-casual poses, including (to his private disgust) Sheldon himself. "Hi, Penny," they chorused.
Penny's face creased into a frown. "What's that burning smell?"
"Oh, dear lord, the pancakes," exclaimed Sheldon, and snatched the griddle off the stove. He was scraping frantically at the carbonized mass in the bottom when Penny touched his shoulder.
"Can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?"
"Penny, now is not a good time!"
"Sheldon." It was Leonard at his other side, sounding resigned. "Go talk to her. I'll look after the pancakes." He nudged Sheldon out of the way and began doggedly scrubbing the griddle clean.
"C'mon, Sheldon," said Penny, tugging at his arm, and Sheldon found himself unable to think of any further excuses to delay. He trailed after her like a particle trapped in a Boltzmann simulation, through the apartment and out into the corridor.
"I knew I shouldn't have taken down that hidden camera," he heard Howard mutter behind him.
* * *
"Penny, this is not outside," objected Sheldon as Penny opened the door of her apartment. "Not that the hallway could be said with any accuracy to be outside either, as that term would technically refer to the exterior of this apartment building and not to any point within its walls, but nevertheless, your apartment is clearly inside."
"Sheldon," said Penny in a warning tone, "shut your pi-r-squared-hole and get in there."
"Oh, all right. But I-" He stopped, eyes widening as he took in the state of her apartment. By now he had seen it in every possible form of disarray, but this…
"I know," Penny said. "Looks great, huh? I cleaned it this morning."
She spoke brightly, but the pouches beneath her eyes and the immaculate condition of the apartment made plain just how early she'd started her cleaning. In fact, Sheldon calculated an ninety-five percent probability that she hadn't slept at all…
"Look, Sheldon, I've been thinking, and… I think we need to talk about what happened. Last night. When we… kissed."
Her hands twisted together as she spoke, and her face was full of apprehension. Sheldon could only pity her: it must be difficult for ordinary folk like Penny, constantly at the mercy of their own unruly emotions. Fortunately, his superior reasoning faculties enabled him to rise above such things.
"There's no need for anxiety, Penny; I quite understand. You were overwrought, and I also experienced a temporary lapse in judgment. I see no reason that this should affect our relationship."
"You… don't?"
Strange, she didn't sound especially reassured. In fact… But no, he'd never been good at reading non-verbal cues. "Of course not," he said.
"But you kissed me back. Are you telling me that was just… some kind of weird reflex? That you didn't feel anything?" She stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his chest, looking up into his face. "Don't you feel anything right now?"
Sheldon considered this. "I feel hungry for pancakes," he replied.
Penny let out a little, dry-sounding laugh and let her hand drop. "Right. So I guess that after I left last night, you just tucked yourself in, went off to sleep and forgot the whole thing?"
Actually it had taken him two hours and forty-three minutes to calm his turbulent thoughts and stop fidgeting long enough to sleep. The swollen tingling of his lips had been both distracting and unexpectedly fascinating - but that was irrelevant to the discussion.
"I didn't forget, Penny," he said, irked by the implication that his memory was at fault. "I examined the evidence, and came to the conclusion that our kiss was an aberration brought on by stress and fatigue, and should be treated accordingly. And then I went to sleep."
"Oh, yeah? So what brought you to that conclusion?" She surrounded the word with waggly, derisive air-quotes, daring him to prove his work.
Sheldon's right hand twitched. He glanced about the apartment for a white board and marker, found none, and decided the Magic Pointy Finger would have to do. "It's very simple," he said as he sketched the equation rapidly in the air. "If last night proved that Sheldon and Penny minus Leonard equals Sheldon plus Penny, it appears equally true that Penny plus Sheldon will equal Sheldon and Penny minus Leonard."
Penny scrunched up her face and considered the invisible formula. "Okay, maybe Leonard would be disappointed if we got together, but he's a sweet guy and he wants both of us to be happy, so he'd get over it. And besides…" She spoke slowly, but with growing confidence; he could practically see her synapses firing- "I'm pretty sure you just proved that as far as you and I are concerned, Leonard equals zero."
This couldn't be happening. Penny doing math and defeating him with his own logic? It was all wrong-
Like her spotless apartment
and the burnt pancakes
and her coming into his bedroom at 2 a.m. to tell him his friends were dead
and the way his mind had gone blank when he'd kissed her-
Sheldon scuttled back and bumped into the apartment door, fumbling blindly for the handle.
"This isn't really about Leonard, is it?" Penny's eyes were soft as she laid her hand over his, holding it still on the doorknob so he couldn't escape. "You're just scared."
"I am not," said Sheldon, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Sweetie, you don't like change, I totally get that. But sometimes things change for the better, you know?" She reached up and stroked the hair away from his temples, soothing. "Yeah, we drive each other crazy sometimes, and maybe that's why you think this could never work. But you know something else? You're the best guy friend I've ever had."
Sheldon frowned. "That hardly seems reasonable, Penny. Leonard and the others are much better at pretending interest in your inane chatter-"
His words were cut off as Penny pinched his mouth shut, none too gently. "How about you let me finish before you dig that hole any deeper. Yes, they are, but that's kind of my point. You've always been honest with me. Even when you're babbling scientific mumbo-jumbo, or acting so arrogant and condescending I could smack you, you've always treated me like a person, instead of some hot chick you want to sleep with. And I've never had that with a guy before, and I thought it was great, but when we kissed last night I realized-we could be more than friends, and it could be amazing."
Sheldon could feel the cold metal of the door behind him, Penny's warm, waiting presence in front of him. He couldn't argue with her logic, and yet-
"No," he said.
"Give me one good reason." She folded her arms, her chin at a defiant angle. "Come on, Brainiac. If it's all about the logic, then I want to hear it."
He didn't want to, but he was tired, and she was Penny, and he needed this to be over. "Because when you care about people, they die."
She didn't say anything. She just looked at him. And slowly it dawned on Sheldon what he'd just said.
"Sheldon? Hey, Sheldon, you there?" The voice was Leonard's, coming faintly from the other side of the door. "Pancakes are ready, uh, I mean, if you're done talking and all."
But all the while Penny's gaze held his, and she spoke softly so only he could hear: "Sometimes. But most of us live."
He hadn't even known there was a knot inside him until this moment, when it suddenly loosened and fell away. "Penny?"
A little smile turned up the corners of her mouth. "Sheldon."
"I have two things to tell you, and I want you to remember them, because I hope never to have to say them again." He stepped up to her and took her hands in his. "One: I'm an idiot. And two: you're right."
Her smile blazed like a supernova, and she threw herself into his arms. He hugged her awkwardly for a moment, and then a little less awkwardly, and by the time he bent his head to kiss her it wasn't awkward at all. She smelled of dust and lemon soap and Windex, and she tasted like tears and sleep, but none of that mattered because there were an infinite number of universes and Penny was in all of them, right where he wanted her to be.
Her hair was so soft he couldn't help stroking it, but then her fingers raked up his back and she bit his lower lip in a way that made him gasp "Bad kitty," which made her laugh and then-
"Sheldon?" repeated Leonard's muffled voice tentatively.
Penny sighed against Sheldon's mouth, then ducked under his elbow and opened the door. "Hi, Leonard. Sorry to keep you waiting, we were just-"
"Making out," said Sheldon from behind her, barely repressing his impish glee at Penny's shocked look and the equally stunned expression on his roommate's face. "So with all due respect to pancake tradition, Leonard, I suggest you all go ahead and eat without me."
And without waiting for an answer, he reached past Penny and firmly shut the door.
THE END
***
Well, that was great fun. Thanks for reading!
Rating: T
Pairing: Sheldon/Penny
Word Count: ~2500
Summary: In the wake of the unthinkable, the implausible becomes inevitable. So what will Sheldon do about it?
Link to Part One
Thanks to irrel for humoring my authorial neuroses and giving this part the once-over before I posted it.
* * *
THE NEAR-APOCALYPSE SCENARIO
Part Two
The moment Leonard entered the apartment, Sheldon had jumped away from Penny with such alacrity that he'd practically broken the light barrier. Not that practically was a useful standard of measurement-Sheldon spared a microsecond to mentally berate himself for sloppy thinking-but at any rate he'd removed himself from Penny's immediate vicinity, and there'd been no reason to believe that Leonard had observed anything unusual. Sheldon was congratulating himself on having escaped a potentially disastrous situation when two facts belatedly penetrated his brain.
One: Leonard was alive, and that meant that barring extraordinary circumstances, Raj and Howard were also alive (to which the tiny part of Sheldon that was still proud of having won a prize for perfect attendance at Sunday School said Hallelujah).
Two: Leonard had just uttered the words "you made out with Sheldon" to Penny (to which the rest of Sheldon's brain said Oh, crap on a silicon wafer).
Sheldon could only hypothesize that this was what ordinary people meant when they spoke of having mixed feelings, and his conclusion was that he didn't like it.
"It wasn't like that," Penny was protesting. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes still red from tears. "Sheldon and I weren't making out, we just… I mean, I was upset, we were both upset, because we thought you were-"
"Yeah, dead. I got that part." Leonard scrubbed wearily at his eyes. "Look, I've been travelling for the last seventeen hours and I'm pretty much a zombie at the moment. Can we talk about this later?" And without waiting for an answer (or even saying good night, how rude!) he picked up his suitcase and slumped off down the hallway to his room.
Seconds ticked past, and then Penny said in a hoarse voice, "Okay. Well… I guess I'll go back to bed now. Great news about Leonard and the others, huh? Thanks for… I mean, I'm sorry I woke you up."
"No matter, Penny, it was an understandable mistake," said Sheldon, rising briskly from the sofa. "No doubt the mystery of why Leonard, Raj and Howard ended up on an earlier flight and also neglected to turn on their cell phones upon landing will be resolved tomorrow. Good night, Penny."
He was halfway to his bedroom when he realized she hadn't responded, and it occurred to him that his farewell might have been inadequate. He paused and added over his shoulder, "Sweet dreams."
"Yeah," said Penny faintly. "You too."
The door clicked shut behind her.
"Okay," came Leonard's muffled voice from inside the master bedroom, "what exactly was that?"
"That would be Penny leaving," said Sheldon, as he headed into his own room and shut the door.
He had just positioned himself accurately atop the mattress and arranged the covers to his satisfaction when there came a shuffling in the hallway, followed by a tentative knock.
"Leonard, as you have been quick to point out to me on past occasions, it is two a.m.-" Sheldon glanced at the luminous face of his atomic watch. "Correction, it is two-seventeen a.m. Surely there is no need to elaborate on why I have no intention of carrying on a conversation at this hour?"
"Oh, come on, Sheldon! Don't you think we should, you know, talk about this?"
"To what are you referring? Really, Leonard, I don't know how you can expect me to answer when you insist on being so vague."
"You…? And Penny…?"
That whining note in Leonard's voice could really be quite irritating at times. "I am your roommate," replied Sheldon. "Penny is our neighbor. If you wish further details, I suggest we continue this at a more appropriate time-say, seven hours and forty-two minutes from now."
There was a pause. Then:
"Okay," said Leonard defeatedly, and Sheldon permitted himself a little, triumphant smile.
* * *
It was ten o'clock on a Sunday morning, none of his friends were dead, and Sheldon was making pancakes while wearing his vintage Zot! limited edition t-shirt. All in all, a good day-indeed, he could easily have upgraded his assessment to excellent, if not for the lingering fatigue. He stifled a yawn, flipped over the pancakes with an expert flick of the wrist, and reached for the electric kettle.
"Rough night, huh?" came Leonard's voice from behind him.
Sheldon detected sarcasm in that statement, but he chose to ignore it in favor of filling the kettle and plugging it in. Coffee would be ill-advised as a stimulant given his sensitivity to caffeine, but strong black tea should prove adequate…
Leonard sighed. " Sheldon, I'm not mad, I just want to know what happened, okay?"
"Fine." Sheldon set down the tea canister and turned toward him. "Penny was distraught, so I gave her a hug."
"A hug," said Leonard in a dubious voice.
"Yes." Sheldon forced himself to keep his face straight, though he could feel the muscles in his cheeks beginning to twitch. "And that was when you came in. So you see, Leonard, your fears that Penny and I were 'making out' in some kind of sordid bacchanalian celebration of your demise were quite unjustified."
"I didn't say anything about-" Leonard looked taken aback. "Bacchanalian?"
"Well, I have observed that any time you and Penny have become physically close in the past, there were large quantities of alcohol involved-"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"-however, I can assure you that both Penny and I were quite sober, and that our embrace was nothing more than a gesture of mutual solidarity and friendship."
There was a strained pause, and then Leonard said, "…Okay."
Satisfied, Sheldon returned to his tea-making. He had just rinsed the pot with hot water and set it aside when he heard Leonard add in a subdued tone, "That was nice of you, giving Penny a hug."
"Thank you," replied Sheldon.
"Only next time-"Leonard's voice rose to a near-hysterical pitch-"you might want to try it with a little less tongue!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," broke in Howard incredulously from the doorway. "Did I hear what I think I just heard? You're accusing Sheldon of putting the moves on Penny?"
"Dude," added Raj, his brows crooked with concern, "I know yesterday was rough, but hallucinations are not a good sign."
"I wasn't hallucinating," Leonard snapped. "Tell them, Sheldon."
"Oh, all right." Sheldon huffed an exasperated breath. "Yes, I kissed Penny. But I'll have you know there was no tongue activity involved!"
He glared at his fellow scientists, daring one of them to make some vulgar retort. But all they did was stare at him-Leonard reproachful, Raj disbelieving, and Howard with something like awe.
A soft knock sounded at the door, and Penny poked her head in. "Uh, hi, guys," she said.
Immediately they all fell into forced-casual poses, including (to his private disgust) Sheldon himself. "Hi, Penny," they chorused.
Penny's face creased into a frown. "What's that burning smell?"
"Oh, dear lord, the pancakes," exclaimed Sheldon, and snatched the griddle off the stove. He was scraping frantically at the carbonized mass in the bottom when Penny touched his shoulder.
"Can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?"
"Penny, now is not a good time!"
"Sheldon." It was Leonard at his other side, sounding resigned. "Go talk to her. I'll look after the pancakes." He nudged Sheldon out of the way and began doggedly scrubbing the griddle clean.
"C'mon, Sheldon," said Penny, tugging at his arm, and Sheldon found himself unable to think of any further excuses to delay. He trailed after her like a particle trapped in a Boltzmann simulation, through the apartment and out into the corridor.
"I knew I shouldn't have taken down that hidden camera," he heard Howard mutter behind him.
* * *
"Penny, this is not outside," objected Sheldon as Penny opened the door of her apartment. "Not that the hallway could be said with any accuracy to be outside either, as that term would technically refer to the exterior of this apartment building and not to any point within its walls, but nevertheless, your apartment is clearly inside."
"Sheldon," said Penny in a warning tone, "shut your pi-r-squared-hole and get in there."
"Oh, all right. But I-" He stopped, eyes widening as he took in the state of her apartment. By now he had seen it in every possible form of disarray, but this…
"I know," Penny said. "Looks great, huh? I cleaned it this morning."
She spoke brightly, but the pouches beneath her eyes and the immaculate condition of the apartment made plain just how early she'd started her cleaning. In fact, Sheldon calculated an ninety-five percent probability that she hadn't slept at all…
"Look, Sheldon, I've been thinking, and… I think we need to talk about what happened. Last night. When we… kissed."
Her hands twisted together as she spoke, and her face was full of apprehension. Sheldon could only pity her: it must be difficult for ordinary folk like Penny, constantly at the mercy of their own unruly emotions. Fortunately, his superior reasoning faculties enabled him to rise above such things.
"There's no need for anxiety, Penny; I quite understand. You were overwrought, and I also experienced a temporary lapse in judgment. I see no reason that this should affect our relationship."
"You… don't?"
Strange, she didn't sound especially reassured. In fact… But no, he'd never been good at reading non-verbal cues. "Of course not," he said.
"But you kissed me back. Are you telling me that was just… some kind of weird reflex? That you didn't feel anything?" She stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his chest, looking up into his face. "Don't you feel anything right now?"
Sheldon considered this. "I feel hungry for pancakes," he replied.
Penny let out a little, dry-sounding laugh and let her hand drop. "Right. So I guess that after I left last night, you just tucked yourself in, went off to sleep and forgot the whole thing?"
Actually it had taken him two hours and forty-three minutes to calm his turbulent thoughts and stop fidgeting long enough to sleep. The swollen tingling of his lips had been both distracting and unexpectedly fascinating - but that was irrelevant to the discussion.
"I didn't forget, Penny," he said, irked by the implication that his memory was at fault. "I examined the evidence, and came to the conclusion that our kiss was an aberration brought on by stress and fatigue, and should be treated accordingly. And then I went to sleep."
"Oh, yeah? So what brought you to that conclusion?" She surrounded the word with waggly, derisive air-quotes, daring him to prove his work.
Sheldon's right hand twitched. He glanced about the apartment for a white board and marker, found none, and decided the Magic Pointy Finger would have to do. "It's very simple," he said as he sketched the equation rapidly in the air. "If last night proved that Sheldon and Penny minus Leonard equals Sheldon plus Penny, it appears equally true that Penny plus Sheldon will equal Sheldon and Penny minus Leonard."
Penny scrunched up her face and considered the invisible formula. "Okay, maybe Leonard would be disappointed if we got together, but he's a sweet guy and he wants both of us to be happy, so he'd get over it. And besides…" She spoke slowly, but with growing confidence; he could practically see her synapses firing- "I'm pretty sure you just proved that as far as you and I are concerned, Leonard equals zero."
This couldn't be happening. Penny doing math and defeating him with his own logic? It was all wrong-
Like her spotless apartment
and the burnt pancakes
and her coming into his bedroom at 2 a.m. to tell him his friends were dead
and the way his mind had gone blank when he'd kissed her-
Sheldon scuttled back and bumped into the apartment door, fumbling blindly for the handle.
"This isn't really about Leonard, is it?" Penny's eyes were soft as she laid her hand over his, holding it still on the doorknob so he couldn't escape. "You're just scared."
"I am not," said Sheldon, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Sweetie, you don't like change, I totally get that. But sometimes things change for the better, you know?" She reached up and stroked the hair away from his temples, soothing. "Yeah, we drive each other crazy sometimes, and maybe that's why you think this could never work. But you know something else? You're the best guy friend I've ever had."
Sheldon frowned. "That hardly seems reasonable, Penny. Leonard and the others are much better at pretending interest in your inane chatter-"
His words were cut off as Penny pinched his mouth shut, none too gently. "How about you let me finish before you dig that hole any deeper. Yes, they are, but that's kind of my point. You've always been honest with me. Even when you're babbling scientific mumbo-jumbo, or acting so arrogant and condescending I could smack you, you've always treated me like a person, instead of some hot chick you want to sleep with. And I've never had that with a guy before, and I thought it was great, but when we kissed last night I realized-we could be more than friends, and it could be amazing."
Sheldon could feel the cold metal of the door behind him, Penny's warm, waiting presence in front of him. He couldn't argue with her logic, and yet-
"No," he said.
"Give me one good reason." She folded her arms, her chin at a defiant angle. "Come on, Brainiac. If it's all about the logic, then I want to hear it."
He didn't want to, but he was tired, and she was Penny, and he needed this to be over. "Because when you care about people, they die."
She didn't say anything. She just looked at him. And slowly it dawned on Sheldon what he'd just said.
"Sheldon? Hey, Sheldon, you there?" The voice was Leonard's, coming faintly from the other side of the door. "Pancakes are ready, uh, I mean, if you're done talking and all."
But all the while Penny's gaze held his, and she spoke softly so only he could hear: "Sometimes. But most of us live."
He hadn't even known there was a knot inside him until this moment, when it suddenly loosened and fell away. "Penny?"
A little smile turned up the corners of her mouth. "Sheldon."
"I have two things to tell you, and I want you to remember them, because I hope never to have to say them again." He stepped up to her and took her hands in his. "One: I'm an idiot. And two: you're right."
Her smile blazed like a supernova, and she threw herself into his arms. He hugged her awkwardly for a moment, and then a little less awkwardly, and by the time he bent his head to kiss her it wasn't awkward at all. She smelled of dust and lemon soap and Windex, and she tasted like tears and sleep, but none of that mattered because there were an infinite number of universes and Penny was in all of them, right where he wanted her to be.
Her hair was so soft he couldn't help stroking it, but then her fingers raked up his back and she bit his lower lip in a way that made him gasp "Bad kitty," which made her laugh and then-
"Sheldon?" repeated Leonard's muffled voice tentatively.
Penny sighed against Sheldon's mouth, then ducked under his elbow and opened the door. "Hi, Leonard. Sorry to keep you waiting, we were just-"
"Making out," said Sheldon from behind her, barely repressing his impish glee at Penny's shocked look and the equally stunned expression on his roommate's face. "So with all due respect to pancake tradition, Leonard, I suggest you all go ahead and eat without me."
And without waiting for an answer, he reached past Penny and firmly shut the door.
THE END
***
Well, that was great fun. Thanks for reading!