FIC: The Night Before the Last Time (Kris/Adam, Part 2/3)
Title: The Night Before the Last Time (2/3)
Author: shelbecat
Rating: T (PG-13)
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Disclaimer: Not mine, clearly.
Notes: Multi-part Adam/Kris story covering their time in the idol mansion, and leading up to the Top 3 results show.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
The Night Before the Last Time
Part 2
There is no one to greet him when he enters the house. It’s just as well. The only person he wants to talk to isn’t speaking to him, and he can’t bear to fake it with Danny.
The muted sounds of the TV accompany a flickering blue light on the walls of the den. Danny will probably fall asleep in there again tonight. Adam doesn’t stop to say goodnight, just heads upstairs to where he hopes Kris is waiting. The bedroom door is closed, and Adam stops to rest his hand on the wood-a heat test to see if it is safe to enter; to see if the flames have receded even a little.
Five weeks before the last time
It’s the most wonderful, awful thing that has ever happened in Adam’s life. That is probably not the best approach to take entering any new relationship, but with each tender kiss, each soft exploration of each other’s bodies and boundaries, Adam feels like he’s winning and losing all at the same time.
He knows he’s got Kris all to himself now, inside the sanctuary that is this competition.
They don’t talk about the outside. They don’t talk about Kris’s wife. There’s no need, because Adam already knows that as soon as this is over, he’s going to lose him forever.
Four weeks before the last time
Kris still calls Katy every night before bed, only now he goes up to their room alone, makes the call, and then comes back downstairs for another hour before finally calling it a night. Adam supposes it’s to let the fragments of conversation fade before they retreat to their room together. Or perhaps it’s a call made out of duty and guilt. Or perhaps, and it pains Adam to even think about it, it’s a call made out of the deepest kind of love-one Adam can’t compete with.
“So, how is she enjoying LA?” Adam asks one night as he peels off the layers of silver jewelry he had adorned himself with.
Across the room he sees Kris physically stiffen.
“Don’t,” the other man says.
Adam’s back bristles. A direct command is never the way to get him to do anything.
Kris turns away, but Adam can see him fingering his wedding ring. He’s been doing this thing lately-twirling his ring around and around his finger, like it’s getting looser. Perhaps that’s just a fantastic result of Adam’s imagination-that it will get loose enough to just fall off and Kris’s marriage will get lost along with the symbol of it. But now he slips it off his finger, flexing his hand as if to try out the new look.
Adam is rooted to the ground, unable to move or speak.
Then Kris slips the ring firmly back into place and looks at Adam with a fierceness he hasn’t seen before, not even on the stage.
“Don’t talk to me about her,” he says, his voice hard. Then his eyes duck away and he adds, so softly that it erases every ounce of anger from Adam’s heart. “You just can’t.”
Adam nods, although Kris doesn’t look up to see it, and goes back to removing his jewelry. Then, impatient to be at Kris’s side suddenly, he leaves the rest and walks across the room. Kris is still staring at his hand and Adam wonders if the site of a ring really does remind a man not to stray. Softly, and trying not to notice when Kris flinches slightly, Adam trails his hand along the back of Kris’s neck.
“She’s important to you, and I want to understand why.”
“But don’t you see?” Kris says softly. “If I can do this, maybe I don’t understand why she’s important at all.”
His eyes close and Adam knows there’s a pain there that he could never erase, especially not in the limited amount of time they might have together. One week, maybe two, who knows when it will be one of them going home and then this will be over as fast as it started. Now tonight, for the first time, Adam thinks that maybe he won’t be the only one coming out of this with a broken heart.
Tentatively, he takes Kris’s hand and draws him backwards, towards Adam’s bed that they have taken to sharing. He sits down and pulls Kris in between his legs, wrapping his arms around and up the other man’s back.
“Why don’t you start by telling me all the ways she is wonderful? And then you can tell me why you’re always going to love her, no matter what. And maybe, after that, we can talk about the ways that you are happy right now. And then I’m going to make sure I keep doing each and every one of those things…every single day.”
When Kris leans down and takes Adam’s face in his hands, he knows he’s won. Perhaps it’s only for tonight, but he’ll take any victory he can get.
Three weeks before the last time
They’re swimming in unfamiliar waters now, the waves growing choppier with each stroke. Adam wants Kris so bad he can taste him in every sip of liquid he drinks, every morsel of food he eats. But their relationship isn’t physical, not really. Adam is ready-God help him, Adam Lambert was born ready-but Kris is protective and shy and every time Adam’s hand creeps downward, Kris’s gently nudges it back up.
He’s going to go blind waiting for Kris to get there.
They have a routine, one that Kris at least seems comfortable with. It’s an unspoken rule that every night Kris goes upstairs first, supposedly to call Katy one more time, and then twenty minutes later Adam follows. Those twenty minutes are the longest of Adam’s life. It should be the time on Tuesday night when he is waiting for his turn to perform, or the time on Wednesday night when he is awaiting the elimination results, but instead the most joyful and painful moments of his life revolve around Kris.
And it’s killing him.
On the night of the double elimination, spirits are at their absolute low in the house. The week before was such a high. It was easy to share in Matt’s relief; easy to think that the judges would have done the same for any of the other six remaining contestants. But that only made the reality of losing Lil and Anoop all the harder. The absence is felt in every room of the oversized mansion. And Adam can only think of one way to fill the void.
He needs Kris.
Except Kris is firmly planted on the couch with Allison, Matt, and Danny, leaving Adam to feel like the outsider sitting across from them. They’re just talking, and commiserating, and maybe Kris needs more than just Adam all the time, but Adam doesn’t need anything more than Kris, and it stings. He gets up, angry at everything and nothing, and searches in the kitchen for the limited amount of alcohol they stock. He finds vodka and beer and chases the first with the second. By the time he returns to the living room, he’s two shots and half a beer up on the others and is just starting to feel like he can fit into their conversation.
Kris shoots him an odd glance when he passes out an armful of bottles to the others. Kris, Matt, Danny…even Allison gets one.
“Uh, not for a couple of years,” Allison says, handing the bottle back to Adam. “Or at least until my Mom isn’t watching,” she adds under her breath.
The others laugh, and Adam feels like it’s directly at him.
“Whatever,” he snaps, taking back the bottle. “More for me.” He downs the last half of his way too quickly so that it foams up around his lips and drips onto his shirt and jacket.
“Why don’t you slow down?” Kris says, his own bottle still untouched in his hand.
“Why, you want to give me yours, too?” Adam asks, holding out his hand.
“I think you’ve had enough,” Kris replies, his voice even, his face an expressionless mask.
Adam returns the stare, level and sure. Then he tips Allison’s bottle to his mouth and drinks half of it in one swallow.
“Whatever, man,” Kris replies, settling back into the safety net of Allison, Matt, and Danny-all three of them pointedly not looking anywhere near Adam.
He can’t stand it. Can’t stand the rejection on top of the unfulfilled need. He needs a release and if Kris isn’t going to give it to him willingly, he’ll have to find a way to coax it out of him.
He storms upstairs, making sure their bedroom door slamming shut can be heard all the way downstairs. Then he checks the clock and waits. And paces. And undresses and dresses again and waits some more. The clock is ticking off the minutes to twenty minutes later than when Adam entered the room and he’s waiting and praying and hoping that Kris recognizes the part he’s supposed to play. The part that Adam needs him to play.
At almost the exact same second, the clock ticks over to twenty minutes and the door knob twists to let Kris into the room. Adam leaves his position sitting on the edge of the bed and makes it across the room in three long strides. Slamming his hand against the door above Kris’s head, he pulls the other man inside and shuts the door. Then, whirling so that Kris is backed up against the door, prey to his predator, Adam drops his mouth onto Kris’s.
There are words lost in the infinitesimal space between them but Adam doesn’t listen, doesn’t want to know, he just wants to taste Kris and have Kris all to himself.
“Wait,” Kris pants, succeeding in pushing Adam off of him and now trying to catch his breath. “Just wait, okay?”
Adam nearly growls. “I can’t.”
Kris stares at him, smiles that crooked grin, and Adam is swept away. He takes the other man by the shirt and rips the snaps open while he reaches down to kiss him again. He backs Kris across the room, all the while groping his chest and kissing his mouth, until they run into the bed and just drop down on top of the covers. There’s a sound coming from his partner’s mouth, one Adam interprets as pure desire. He can’t think straight to see what Kris is doing, or what he might want, he can only think about feeling Kris in his grasp, and feeling himself enter Kris’s delicate body. It’s been too long since he’s felt himself inside another man and he needs it…needs it with Kris…tonight.
Kris’s shirt is pulled back, the zipper on his jeans giving way to Adam’s probing hands, and then there are hands on his chest, forceful hands pushing him up and away, and it hits Adam like a slap in the face-the sound he heard wasn’t Kris moaning; it was Kris crying.
Adam rolls onto his side and Kris is crawling away like a wounded animal. His shirt is ripped at the sleeve and hanging from his body; his chest reddened in parts where bruises are already forming. There’s a look on Kris’s face that says he’s in a room with a stranger-and suddenly Adam feels sick to his stomach.
He bolts from the bed and runs to their adjoining bathroom. The contents of dinner and his drinks meet the toilet with a sickening splash but it does nothing to make him feel any better. He hadn’t meant to do anything; hadn’t actually succeeded in doing anything; but he’s crossed a line, and he doesn’t know how to take it back.
When he walks out into the bedroom, Kris is gone. Adam sinks onto their bed, grabbing after Kris’s pillow to find the scent of him. He falls asleep that way, curled around the only tangible item of Kris that he has, and when he wakes, he is still alone in the room.
He knows he has to find a way to apologize. He’s just not sure he deserves forgiveness.
/tbc/
Author's Note: Huge thanks to lexalicious70 for the fast beta!
Author: shelbecat
Rating: T (PG-13)
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Disclaimer: Not mine, clearly.
Notes: Multi-part Adam/Kris story covering their time in the idol mansion, and leading up to the Top 3 results show.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
The Night Before the Last Time
Part 2
There is no one to greet him when he enters the house. It’s just as well. The only person he wants to talk to isn’t speaking to him, and he can’t bear to fake it with Danny.
The muted sounds of the TV accompany a flickering blue light on the walls of the den. Danny will probably fall asleep in there again tonight. Adam doesn’t stop to say goodnight, just heads upstairs to where he hopes Kris is waiting. The bedroom door is closed, and Adam stops to rest his hand on the wood-a heat test to see if it is safe to enter; to see if the flames have receded even a little.
Five weeks before the last time
It’s the most wonderful, awful thing that has ever happened in Adam’s life. That is probably not the best approach to take entering any new relationship, but with each tender kiss, each soft exploration of each other’s bodies and boundaries, Adam feels like he’s winning and losing all at the same time.
He knows he’s got Kris all to himself now, inside the sanctuary that is this competition.
They don’t talk about the outside. They don’t talk about Kris’s wife. There’s no need, because Adam already knows that as soon as this is over, he’s going to lose him forever.
Four weeks before the last time
Kris still calls Katy every night before bed, only now he goes up to their room alone, makes the call, and then comes back downstairs for another hour before finally calling it a night. Adam supposes it’s to let the fragments of conversation fade before they retreat to their room together. Or perhaps it’s a call made out of duty and guilt. Or perhaps, and it pains Adam to even think about it, it’s a call made out of the deepest kind of love-one Adam can’t compete with.
“So, how is she enjoying LA?” Adam asks one night as he peels off the layers of silver jewelry he had adorned himself with.
Across the room he sees Kris physically stiffen.
“Don’t,” the other man says.
Adam’s back bristles. A direct command is never the way to get him to do anything.
Kris turns away, but Adam can see him fingering his wedding ring. He’s been doing this thing lately-twirling his ring around and around his finger, like it’s getting looser. Perhaps that’s just a fantastic result of Adam’s imagination-that it will get loose enough to just fall off and Kris’s marriage will get lost along with the symbol of it. But now he slips it off his finger, flexing his hand as if to try out the new look.
Adam is rooted to the ground, unable to move or speak.
Then Kris slips the ring firmly back into place and looks at Adam with a fierceness he hasn’t seen before, not even on the stage.
“Don’t talk to me about her,” he says, his voice hard. Then his eyes duck away and he adds, so softly that it erases every ounce of anger from Adam’s heart. “You just can’t.”
Adam nods, although Kris doesn’t look up to see it, and goes back to removing his jewelry. Then, impatient to be at Kris’s side suddenly, he leaves the rest and walks across the room. Kris is still staring at his hand and Adam wonders if the site of a ring really does remind a man not to stray. Softly, and trying not to notice when Kris flinches slightly, Adam trails his hand along the back of Kris’s neck.
“She’s important to you, and I want to understand why.”
“But don’t you see?” Kris says softly. “If I can do this, maybe I don’t understand why she’s important at all.”
His eyes close and Adam knows there’s a pain there that he could never erase, especially not in the limited amount of time they might have together. One week, maybe two, who knows when it will be one of them going home and then this will be over as fast as it started. Now tonight, for the first time, Adam thinks that maybe he won’t be the only one coming out of this with a broken heart.
Tentatively, he takes Kris’s hand and draws him backwards, towards Adam’s bed that they have taken to sharing. He sits down and pulls Kris in between his legs, wrapping his arms around and up the other man’s back.
“Why don’t you start by telling me all the ways she is wonderful? And then you can tell me why you’re always going to love her, no matter what. And maybe, after that, we can talk about the ways that you are happy right now. And then I’m going to make sure I keep doing each and every one of those things…every single day.”
When Kris leans down and takes Adam’s face in his hands, he knows he’s won. Perhaps it’s only for tonight, but he’ll take any victory he can get.
Three weeks before the last time
They’re swimming in unfamiliar waters now, the waves growing choppier with each stroke. Adam wants Kris so bad he can taste him in every sip of liquid he drinks, every morsel of food he eats. But their relationship isn’t physical, not really. Adam is ready-God help him, Adam Lambert was born ready-but Kris is protective and shy and every time Adam’s hand creeps downward, Kris’s gently nudges it back up.
He’s going to go blind waiting for Kris to get there.
They have a routine, one that Kris at least seems comfortable with. It’s an unspoken rule that every night Kris goes upstairs first, supposedly to call Katy one more time, and then twenty minutes later Adam follows. Those twenty minutes are the longest of Adam’s life. It should be the time on Tuesday night when he is waiting for his turn to perform, or the time on Wednesday night when he is awaiting the elimination results, but instead the most joyful and painful moments of his life revolve around Kris.
And it’s killing him.
On the night of the double elimination, spirits are at their absolute low in the house. The week before was such a high. It was easy to share in Matt’s relief; easy to think that the judges would have done the same for any of the other six remaining contestants. But that only made the reality of losing Lil and Anoop all the harder. The absence is felt in every room of the oversized mansion. And Adam can only think of one way to fill the void.
He needs Kris.
Except Kris is firmly planted on the couch with Allison, Matt, and Danny, leaving Adam to feel like the outsider sitting across from them. They’re just talking, and commiserating, and maybe Kris needs more than just Adam all the time, but Adam doesn’t need anything more than Kris, and it stings. He gets up, angry at everything and nothing, and searches in the kitchen for the limited amount of alcohol they stock. He finds vodka and beer and chases the first with the second. By the time he returns to the living room, he’s two shots and half a beer up on the others and is just starting to feel like he can fit into their conversation.
Kris shoots him an odd glance when he passes out an armful of bottles to the others. Kris, Matt, Danny…even Allison gets one.
“Uh, not for a couple of years,” Allison says, handing the bottle back to Adam. “Or at least until my Mom isn’t watching,” she adds under her breath.
The others laugh, and Adam feels like it’s directly at him.
“Whatever,” he snaps, taking back the bottle. “More for me.” He downs the last half of his way too quickly so that it foams up around his lips and drips onto his shirt and jacket.
“Why don’t you slow down?” Kris says, his own bottle still untouched in his hand.
“Why, you want to give me yours, too?” Adam asks, holding out his hand.
“I think you’ve had enough,” Kris replies, his voice even, his face an expressionless mask.
Adam returns the stare, level and sure. Then he tips Allison’s bottle to his mouth and drinks half of it in one swallow.
“Whatever, man,” Kris replies, settling back into the safety net of Allison, Matt, and Danny-all three of them pointedly not looking anywhere near Adam.
He can’t stand it. Can’t stand the rejection on top of the unfulfilled need. He needs a release and if Kris isn’t going to give it to him willingly, he’ll have to find a way to coax it out of him.
He storms upstairs, making sure their bedroom door slamming shut can be heard all the way downstairs. Then he checks the clock and waits. And paces. And undresses and dresses again and waits some more. The clock is ticking off the minutes to twenty minutes later than when Adam entered the room and he’s waiting and praying and hoping that Kris recognizes the part he’s supposed to play. The part that Adam needs him to play.
At almost the exact same second, the clock ticks over to twenty minutes and the door knob twists to let Kris into the room. Adam leaves his position sitting on the edge of the bed and makes it across the room in three long strides. Slamming his hand against the door above Kris’s head, he pulls the other man inside and shuts the door. Then, whirling so that Kris is backed up against the door, prey to his predator, Adam drops his mouth onto Kris’s.
There are words lost in the infinitesimal space between them but Adam doesn’t listen, doesn’t want to know, he just wants to taste Kris and have Kris all to himself.
“Wait,” Kris pants, succeeding in pushing Adam off of him and now trying to catch his breath. “Just wait, okay?”
Adam nearly growls. “I can’t.”
Kris stares at him, smiles that crooked grin, and Adam is swept away. He takes the other man by the shirt and rips the snaps open while he reaches down to kiss him again. He backs Kris across the room, all the while groping his chest and kissing his mouth, until they run into the bed and just drop down on top of the covers. There’s a sound coming from his partner’s mouth, one Adam interprets as pure desire. He can’t think straight to see what Kris is doing, or what he might want, he can only think about feeling Kris in his grasp, and feeling himself enter Kris’s delicate body. It’s been too long since he’s felt himself inside another man and he needs it…needs it with Kris…tonight.
Kris’s shirt is pulled back, the zipper on his jeans giving way to Adam’s probing hands, and then there are hands on his chest, forceful hands pushing him up and away, and it hits Adam like a slap in the face-the sound he heard wasn’t Kris moaning; it was Kris crying.
Adam rolls onto his side and Kris is crawling away like a wounded animal. His shirt is ripped at the sleeve and hanging from his body; his chest reddened in parts where bruises are already forming. There’s a look on Kris’s face that says he’s in a room with a stranger-and suddenly Adam feels sick to his stomach.
He bolts from the bed and runs to their adjoining bathroom. The contents of dinner and his drinks meet the toilet with a sickening splash but it does nothing to make him feel any better. He hadn’t meant to do anything; hadn’t actually succeeded in doing anything; but he’s crossed a line, and he doesn’t know how to take it back.
When he walks out into the bedroom, Kris is gone. Adam sinks onto their bed, grabbing after Kris’s pillow to find the scent of him. He falls asleep that way, curled around the only tangible item of Kris that he has, and when he wakes, he is still alone in the room.
He knows he has to find a way to apologize. He’s just not sure he deserves forgiveness.
/tbc/
Author's Note: Huge thanks to lexalicious70 for the fast beta!