We'll figure it out
It had been a long day. Alicia just wanted to go home and sleep for an entire week. Not talk to anybody. Not see anybody. She just needed some time for herself. She had been assigned to work on an important case with Kalinda. Will knew that they were not in the best place at the moment, she had even talked to him about it and so had Kalinda, but he really felt that the two of them being the firm’s best assets, should work on the case together. But as much as she wanted to be nice to her and go back to the way things were before, everytime she looked at her the only thing she could see in her eyes was betrayal. And for some reason, she felt she had an opinion of Kalinda completely different from the person she actually was, and she did not like that. The good thing was that both of them made an extra effort on the case in order to be done with it faster. She went back to the office after being investigating with Kalinda and presented the discoveries to Will, who was then able to make an arrangement.
She liked winning cases, but all she could think of right now was the mess her life was. Was she somehow responsible for all that? For letting it happen and not do anything? She couldn’t bear with the guilty feelings coming back again. She had to stop that. She was so absorbed in all this that she didn’t notice Will was standing in her office until he said her name.
-Alicia, you ok?
-Yeah, sorry. It’s just been a long day, that’s all.
-How’s everything going at home?
-You really wanna know?
-I do.
-Crappy, that’s how it’s going.
-I’m sorry to hear that.
-I don’t know. It’s mostly the kids. They’re not happy and somehow I feel guilty about it.
-It’s not your fault Alicia. Quite the contrary, actually.
-I know, I know. I just… I don’t feel like talking about it anymore…
-Okay. Just know that I’m here if you need me, Alicia.
-I do know that… Will?
-Yeah.
-Do you wanna go for a drink? I could really use one right now, I don’t know about you.
-I would love to go out for a drink.
There they were, two old friends having tequila shots at a fancy hotel bar. She had been there with Kalinda once. Remembering that made her want to cry all of a sudden, but she managed to block it out from her mind. It was hot, so she took off her suit jacket. Will noticed that. It made her uncomfortable and excited at the same time. The first shot arrived.
-Are you sure you’re drinking tequila?- Will said almost joking- the last time I saw you drinking it you ended up doing… well, not so lady-like things.
Alicia laughed. The first genuine laugh in weeks.
-You know what? That just shows how much time it’s been since we last drank together. I’m a big girl now, I can handle it.
So they had 3 shots each one, and the kept talking, laughing, until they became silent. Alicia was the first one to speak.
-So, what happened to us?
-I’m not completely sure what you’re talking about…
-I mean, we’re so great together, we understand each other. So why did we become so… distant?
-You really wanna know why?
-Is it bad? Doesn’t matter, I do wanna know.
-Well, I guess I just couldn’t keep my feelings for you separated from our friendship and our work relationship.
-Yeah, I suppose that’s what happened to me to.
-What do you mean? I thought…
-Will, why do you think I asked you about the voicemail I didn’t get? I was looking for something that told me I was not crazy, that I was not imagining things. But, you started seeing Tammy and…
-Well, you didn’t exactly leave Peter either. And besides, Tammy was just someone I was having fun with.
- Was?
-It’s over. I could see that she was expecting things from me, things from the Will she used to know. But I’m not that guy anymore.
-I know, but I like who you are now. You’re a great man, Will. And I’m sorry for… I don’t know, I feel like you deserve someone who has less baggage.
-Alicia, you don’t choose the person you fall in love with. It just doesn’t work that way.
-You mean you fell…. With me?
-Course I did. How could I not?
Alicia reaches for his hand, she suddenly feels the urge to kiss him, to tell him how much she loves him as well, but it’s not that easy when you have that person in front of you. It doesn’t work like in the movies. Will takes her hand as well. Neither of them say anything for a few minutes; they just stare at their hands, then at each other’s eyes, saying a million things in only a few seconds. Alicia feels it’s not fair for her to be silent anymore.
-I… I love you too- she finally says and instantly feels it wasn’t the best thing to do. She feels too exposed, too vulnerable. But then she looks at Will and what she sees on his face makes it all worth it. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him looking at her that way. His eyes shine and his half smile shows his disbelief, surprise and happiness.
-You do? - is all he manages to say.
-Yeah, but it’s not that simple. I mean I have kids, and besides, I’m still dealing with this horrible feeling inside me. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now, as much as I would want one with you. I know it sounds selfish, but I just want the best. For both of us. I need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with others.
-Believe me, I understand you. And you’re the person I respect the most. I wouldn’t want you to do something you’re not ready to do. Trust me on this one.
-Thanks, I mean it, Will. You’ve been so nice to me ever since I came working for you…
-It’s nothing. Listen, we’ll be fine. In the meantime, we’re still two people who get along really well and work well together. We’ll figure out the rest only when you’re ready.
-Okay, it’s fine with me.
-Okay.
She liked winning cases, but all she could think of right now was the mess her life was. Was she somehow responsible for all that? For letting it happen and not do anything? She couldn’t bear with the guilty feelings coming back again. She had to stop that. She was so absorbed in all this that she didn’t notice Will was standing in her office until he said her name.
-Alicia, you ok?
-Yeah, sorry. It’s just been a long day, that’s all.
-How’s everything going at home?
-You really wanna know?
-I do.
-Crappy, that’s how it’s going.
-I’m sorry to hear that.
-I don’t know. It’s mostly the kids. They’re not happy and somehow I feel guilty about it.
-It’s not your fault Alicia. Quite the contrary, actually.
-I know, I know. I just… I don’t feel like talking about it anymore…
-Okay. Just know that I’m here if you need me, Alicia.
-I do know that… Will?
-Yeah.
-Do you wanna go for a drink? I could really use one right now, I don’t know about you.
-I would love to go out for a drink.
There they were, two old friends having tequila shots at a fancy hotel bar. She had been there with Kalinda once. Remembering that made her want to cry all of a sudden, but she managed to block it out from her mind. It was hot, so she took off her suit jacket. Will noticed that. It made her uncomfortable and excited at the same time. The first shot arrived.
-Are you sure you’re drinking tequila?- Will said almost joking- the last time I saw you drinking it you ended up doing… well, not so lady-like things.
Alicia laughed. The first genuine laugh in weeks.
-You know what? That just shows how much time it’s been since we last drank together. I’m a big girl now, I can handle it.
So they had 3 shots each one, and the kept talking, laughing, until they became silent. Alicia was the first one to speak.
-So, what happened to us?
-I’m not completely sure what you’re talking about…
-I mean, we’re so great together, we understand each other. So why did we become so… distant?
-You really wanna know why?
-Is it bad? Doesn’t matter, I do wanna know.
-Well, I guess I just couldn’t keep my feelings for you separated from our friendship and our work relationship.
-Yeah, I suppose that’s what happened to me to.
-What do you mean? I thought…
-Will, why do you think I asked you about the voicemail I didn’t get? I was looking for something that told me I was not crazy, that I was not imagining things. But, you started seeing Tammy and…
-Well, you didn’t exactly leave Peter either. And besides, Tammy was just someone I was having fun with.
- Was?
-It’s over. I could see that she was expecting things from me, things from the Will she used to know. But I’m not that guy anymore.
-I know, but I like who you are now. You’re a great man, Will. And I’m sorry for… I don’t know, I feel like you deserve someone who has less baggage.
-Alicia, you don’t choose the person you fall in love with. It just doesn’t work that way.
-You mean you fell…. With me?
-Course I did. How could I not?
Alicia reaches for his hand, she suddenly feels the urge to kiss him, to tell him how much she loves him as well, but it’s not that easy when you have that person in front of you. It doesn’t work like in the movies. Will takes her hand as well. Neither of them say anything for a few minutes; they just stare at their hands, then at each other’s eyes, saying a million things in only a few seconds. Alicia feels it’s not fair for her to be silent anymore.
-I… I love you too- she finally says and instantly feels it wasn’t the best thing to do. She feels too exposed, too vulnerable. But then she looks at Will and what she sees on his face makes it all worth it. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him looking at her that way. His eyes shine and his half smile shows his disbelief, surprise and happiness.
-You do? - is all he manages to say.
-Yeah, but it’s not that simple. I mean I have kids, and besides, I’m still dealing with this horrible feeling inside me. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now, as much as I would want one with you. I know it sounds selfish, but I just want the best. For both of us. I need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with others.
-Believe me, I understand you. And you’re the person I respect the most. I wouldn’t want you to do something you’re not ready to do. Trust me on this one.
-Thanks, I mean it, Will. You’ve been so nice to me ever since I came working for you…
-It’s nothing. Listen, we’ll be fine. In the meantime, we’re still two people who get along really well and work well together. We’ll figure out the rest only when you’re ready.
-Okay, it’s fine with me.
-Okay.