White Collar Fic: Simple Gestures
Title: Simple Gestures
Author: sheenianni
Word Count: ~ 6,700
Characters/Pairings: Sara Ellis, Neal Caffrey, Neal/Sara
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
Spoilers: All seasons, major spoilers for Season 6
Beta-credit: sapphire2309
Summary: She made the sensible choice at the Empire State Building and turned him down. But then Neal reaches out to her and Sara wonders if they could have a future together… Until that phonecall.
A/N: Finally! This is a birthday gift for reve-silencieux (three and half months late, but who’s counting :D) and also my entry for the wc-women-fest Mini-Fest. Many thanks to kanarek13 for her wonderful cover art (the art post can be found here) and to sapphire2309 for the speedy beta-read :)
___________________________________
Part I
When they’re finally alone, Neal looks at her with a silent question. ‘Do you want to keep it?’
Sara gives the ring back. It belongs to June, and this isn’t the right time - she’s going to London, Neal is still serving his sentence, who knows what will be in eighteen months? Neal shrugs it off, no big deal, and they joke about ‘Conrad’ and ‘Connie’ until they’re both laughing again.
She wants to say yes so badly her chest hurts.
But it’s a con. And maybe it turned real along the way, maybe Neal really meant it - she knows he means it now - but it’s still a fake, and Sara doesn’t want to settle for that. She really shouldn’t have to.
It might be that behind her rational facade is a piece of a foolish, stubborn romantic who wants her prince to sweep her off her feet. More likely, she’s just pissed off that Neal didn’t think to do this right.
Whatever the reason, the end result is still the same.
‘To another time and place, to another us.’
Neal hides his disappointment behind a mask, they say goodbye with a kiss and she hurries off to catch her plane.
* * *
She’s happier in London than she ever expected she’d be.
Time flies, and before Sara notices, it’s been five months since she came to England. She’s good at the new job and results soon follow - the branch has never been more successful than since she took over. Things are great at Sterling&Bosch, but even more importantly, she thrives in London. She’s reaching out, making new friends, creating a life outside of work that doesn’t involve Neal. She needed this even though she didn’t know it, and even missing him can’t make her regret the choice she made.
They exchange emails and the occasional postcard or a phone call. Sara tells herself it’s enough. She loves Neal, she can admit that much, but being in London is making her happy, and she’s always known she couldn’t have it all. There’s a chance that things might be different in fourteen months, but given their history, it’s not too likely. After all, they never made any promises to each other.
The day she recovers a bunch of jewelry, Sara catalogues every piece easily enough until she comes to two engagement rings. She pauses at them and feels her heart ache a bit - and she’s annoyed with herself, because she’s read between the lines of Neal’s last few messages and knows that he has moved on. She bites her lip, returns the box and goes back to chasing bad guys.
She’s not going to waste her life thinking of might-have-beens.
* * *
“Hey, Repo. How are you doing?”
Sara isn’t sure she’s heard right. “Caffrey? I thought you were kidnapped!”
She can almost hear Neal’s frown. “What? Who told you?”
“Someone from the old office - Neal, are you all right?”
“Yeah, I got away… I’m okay, I swear. Honestly, the whole thing lasted less than two days, I’m surprised you’ve even heard.”
Sara breathes out in relief. “Well, apparently that’s one of the perks of living on a different continent - you only get half the news. So what happened?”
“Well, it’s kind of a long story…”
“Oh come on, Caffrey. Spill.”
“They wanted me to get something, so … Listen, can we not talk about that today?”
Sara blinks. “Neal Caffrey speechless. I never thought I’d see the day.”
He draws in a sharp breath. “Sara -”
“No, I’m sorry, it just - surprised me.” Belatedly, Sara kicks herself. Either he’ll tell her on his own time, or he won’t - knowing Caffrey, the latter is a real possibility; but he rarely makes a honest request like that. The least she can do is respect it - for now at least.
“So, do you want to tell me how you’ve been?” asks Neal with a hint of smile.
The phone call lasts over an hour, and it becomes the first in the line of many. Over the following weeks, the wedge that has been drawn between them starts to shrink, and they’re growing closer to each other despite the ocean that separates them.
* * *
Apparently there’s a whole story about an ex-MI5 assassin and a diamond; Neal promises to tell it to her when they see each other in person. She likes the sound of that.
* * *
Sara is pretty good at getting what she wants. She lives with her feet on the ground, so she knows not to reach for the impossible. The rest of the things, she chases with her baton and her brain and almost always succeeds. She’s not sentimental and she doesn’t live her life with regrets.
Reaching for the sun and getting burned, jumping without looking and breaking her neck, mourning the opportunities lost. She never used to do these things, yet somehow, Caffrey has always been good at bringing out this side of her. Bastard.
He also made her life more exciting and fun.
It is another one of his phone calls that does it - Neal had told her about Keller being in town, and she didn’t realize how worried she’d been since until he calls and it’s so good to hear his voice that Sara smiles in relief. Suddenly the city is more beautiful than ever, the sunshine is brighter, the Thames River is sparkling…
‘The river is sparkling?’ Wow. She’s got it bad.
Sara giggles as she walks through the street. A few people turn around to look at her. She smiles at them and adds a bit of skip to her step…
Caffrey pisses her off sometimes, but he does make her life better.
Friends, great job, fulfillment - she has it all in London. And maybe that’s why at some point after Neal’s kidnapping, Sara goes to a jewelry shop and looks at engagement rings. She finally picks two simple golden bands with no embellishments or stones. She pays for them, collects the small box and places it at the bottom of her purse. Once she gets home, she puts it at the back of her socks drawer and leaves it there as a silent promise to herself.
Because this time, she is not afraid to reach for the stars, and it’s Neal who has taught her that. Sara knows that it will be a while before they see each other, and though Neal has hinted at an early release, he is still eight months away from the official end of his sentence. Even then, he might turn her down. But although nothing is certain, she knows that she loves Neal, and the only thing she regrets about leaving New York is that they didn’t even give a long-distance relationship a shot.
They have already wasted too many opportunities. This time, Sara is finally ready to give them a chance.
* * *
Until she gets another phone-call - from Peter - and this time it changes everything.
* * *
It has been three days and she didn’t know.
They have an important meeting that day, and she cancels it without a thought, because she’s the boss and she can. She leaves the office just after one p.m. - she hasn’t left before half past four since she came to London, but today she can’t stay there for another minute - she takes the cab home and almost forgets to pay the driver; then ten minutes later she changes her mind and goes out again, because suddenly her apartment is suffocating. She takes the subway and gets off three stations later; she walks for a while, barely aware where she’s heading - she stops at this dirty local shop and buys a bottle of vodka - and then she leaves it behind at a park a few streets later, because nothing can wash away the pain and it would be cheap to even pretend.
She goes back home.
There is a bottle of wine in her fridge. Sara opens it and finds a glass. There are people she could call; friends who are probably concerned for her, but she was never good at letting others in and suddenly it’s like everything about London has been a lie and she is back there where she had been after Emily left.
It’s not a good bottle - Sara vaguely recalls a friend bringing it a while back there when they visited - but that’s not a problem tonight. She drinks in silence, a glass after another until the bottle is empty and she stumbles and falls on her way to the kitchen sink - she should have taken her heels off. There are shreds of glass everywhere; crimson stains on the floor that are just red wine, but that could just as well be blood - they shot him in the chest, Peter said, and Sara swallows a dry sob - she stares at the broken pieces but she can’t bring herself to clean it tonight. She collapses on the couch, dry-eyed and tired and empty, and watches as the room gets darker.
When the night comes, she finally shatters and cries.
* * *
Black clothes have never been a big part of Sara’s wardrobe - they make her skin look pale and sick. Still, she owns a few pieces that she can combine with other clothes.
Today, she puts them on together; black skirt, black shoes, black jacket over a white shirt. She calls the cab that takes her to the Battersea bridge - it’s not too far from her place and one of the least frequented bridges in London, which suits her perfectly. Sara tells the cabbie to wait for her a few streets away before walking to the bridge alone. It’s clouded today, the sky is dark and the wind is messing up her hair.
She watches the river below her as the cars pass behind her back. She takes her time; soon there are goose bumps on her skin, but Sara knows she can’t rush this. She remembers Neal’s smile and thinks about their time together, about the life she wished for them that they would never have.
She reaches into her purse and pulls out the box with the engagement rings. ‘Another time,’ she thinks, and she can almost see Neal’s grin and his strut and that ridiculous hat. Biting at her lip, Sara chuckles even as she wipes away a tear.
She tosses the rings in the river. Then she returns to the cab so she can go home, change and get back to work.
* * *
Part II
Author: sheenianni
Word Count: ~ 6,700
Characters/Pairings: Sara Ellis, Neal Caffrey, Neal/Sara
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
Spoilers: All seasons, major spoilers for Season 6
Beta-credit: sapphire2309
Summary: She made the sensible choice at the Empire State Building and turned him down. But then Neal reaches out to her and Sara wonders if they could have a future together… Until that phonecall.
A/N: Finally! This is a birthday gift for reve-silencieux (three and half months late, but who’s counting :D) and also my entry for the wc-women-fest Mini-Fest. Many thanks to kanarek13 for her wonderful cover art (the art post can be found here) and to sapphire2309 for the speedy beta-read :)
___________________________________
Part I
When they’re finally alone, Neal looks at her with a silent question. ‘Do you want to keep it?’
Sara gives the ring back. It belongs to June, and this isn’t the right time - she’s going to London, Neal is still serving his sentence, who knows what will be in eighteen months? Neal shrugs it off, no big deal, and they joke about ‘Conrad’ and ‘Connie’ until they’re both laughing again.
She wants to say yes so badly her chest hurts.
But it’s a con. And maybe it turned real along the way, maybe Neal really meant it - she knows he means it now - but it’s still a fake, and Sara doesn’t want to settle for that. She really shouldn’t have to.
It might be that behind her rational facade is a piece of a foolish, stubborn romantic who wants her prince to sweep her off her feet. More likely, she’s just pissed off that Neal didn’t think to do this right.
Whatever the reason, the end result is still the same.
‘To another time and place, to another us.’
Neal hides his disappointment behind a mask, they say goodbye with a kiss and she hurries off to catch her plane.
* * *
She’s happier in London than she ever expected she’d be.
Time flies, and before Sara notices, it’s been five months since she came to England. She’s good at the new job and results soon follow - the branch has never been more successful than since she took over. Things are great at Sterling&Bosch, but even more importantly, she thrives in London. She’s reaching out, making new friends, creating a life outside of work that doesn’t involve Neal. She needed this even though she didn’t know it, and even missing him can’t make her regret the choice she made.
They exchange emails and the occasional postcard or a phone call. Sara tells herself it’s enough. She loves Neal, she can admit that much, but being in London is making her happy, and she’s always known she couldn’t have it all. There’s a chance that things might be different in fourteen months, but given their history, it’s not too likely. After all, they never made any promises to each other.
The day she recovers a bunch of jewelry, Sara catalogues every piece easily enough until she comes to two engagement rings. She pauses at them and feels her heart ache a bit - and she’s annoyed with herself, because she’s read between the lines of Neal’s last few messages and knows that he has moved on. She bites her lip, returns the box and goes back to chasing bad guys.
She’s not going to waste her life thinking of might-have-beens.
* * *
“Hey, Repo. How are you doing?”
Sara isn’t sure she’s heard right. “Caffrey? I thought you were kidnapped!”
She can almost hear Neal’s frown. “What? Who told you?”
“Someone from the old office - Neal, are you all right?”
“Yeah, I got away… I’m okay, I swear. Honestly, the whole thing lasted less than two days, I’m surprised you’ve even heard.”
Sara breathes out in relief. “Well, apparently that’s one of the perks of living on a different continent - you only get half the news. So what happened?”
“Well, it’s kind of a long story…”
“Oh come on, Caffrey. Spill.”
“They wanted me to get something, so … Listen, can we not talk about that today?”
Sara blinks. “Neal Caffrey speechless. I never thought I’d see the day.”
He draws in a sharp breath. “Sara -”
“No, I’m sorry, it just - surprised me.” Belatedly, Sara kicks herself. Either he’ll tell her on his own time, or he won’t - knowing Caffrey, the latter is a real possibility; but he rarely makes a honest request like that. The least she can do is respect it - for now at least.
“So, do you want to tell me how you’ve been?” asks Neal with a hint of smile.
The phone call lasts over an hour, and it becomes the first in the line of many. Over the following weeks, the wedge that has been drawn between them starts to shrink, and they’re growing closer to each other despite the ocean that separates them.
* * *
Apparently there’s a whole story about an ex-MI5 assassin and a diamond; Neal promises to tell it to her when they see each other in person. She likes the sound of that.
* * *
Sara is pretty good at getting what she wants. She lives with her feet on the ground, so she knows not to reach for the impossible. The rest of the things, she chases with her baton and her brain and almost always succeeds. She’s not sentimental and she doesn’t live her life with regrets.
Reaching for the sun and getting burned, jumping without looking and breaking her neck, mourning the opportunities lost. She never used to do these things, yet somehow, Caffrey has always been good at bringing out this side of her. Bastard.
He also made her life more exciting and fun.
It is another one of his phone calls that does it - Neal had told her about Keller being in town, and she didn’t realize how worried she’d been since until he calls and it’s so good to hear his voice that Sara smiles in relief. Suddenly the city is more beautiful than ever, the sunshine is brighter, the Thames River is sparkling…
‘The river is sparkling?’ Wow. She’s got it bad.
Sara giggles as she walks through the street. A few people turn around to look at her. She smiles at them and adds a bit of skip to her step…
Caffrey pisses her off sometimes, but he does make her life better.
Friends, great job, fulfillment - she has it all in London. And maybe that’s why at some point after Neal’s kidnapping, Sara goes to a jewelry shop and looks at engagement rings. She finally picks two simple golden bands with no embellishments or stones. She pays for them, collects the small box and places it at the bottom of her purse. Once she gets home, she puts it at the back of her socks drawer and leaves it there as a silent promise to herself.
Because this time, she is not afraid to reach for the stars, and it’s Neal who has taught her that. Sara knows that it will be a while before they see each other, and though Neal has hinted at an early release, he is still eight months away from the official end of his sentence. Even then, he might turn her down. But although nothing is certain, she knows that she loves Neal, and the only thing she regrets about leaving New York is that they didn’t even give a long-distance relationship a shot.
They have already wasted too many opportunities. This time, Sara is finally ready to give them a chance.
* * *
Until she gets another phone-call - from Peter - and this time it changes everything.
* * *
It has been three days and she didn’t know.
They have an important meeting that day, and she cancels it without a thought, because she’s the boss and she can. She leaves the office just after one p.m. - she hasn’t left before half past four since she came to London, but today she can’t stay there for another minute - she takes the cab home and almost forgets to pay the driver; then ten minutes later she changes her mind and goes out again, because suddenly her apartment is suffocating. She takes the subway and gets off three stations later; she walks for a while, barely aware where she’s heading - she stops at this dirty local shop and buys a bottle of vodka - and then she leaves it behind at a park a few streets later, because nothing can wash away the pain and it would be cheap to even pretend.
She goes back home.
There is a bottle of wine in her fridge. Sara opens it and finds a glass. There are people she could call; friends who are probably concerned for her, but she was never good at letting others in and suddenly it’s like everything about London has been a lie and she is back there where she had been after Emily left.
It’s not a good bottle - Sara vaguely recalls a friend bringing it a while back there when they visited - but that’s not a problem tonight. She drinks in silence, a glass after another until the bottle is empty and she stumbles and falls on her way to the kitchen sink - she should have taken her heels off. There are shreds of glass everywhere; crimson stains on the floor that are just red wine, but that could just as well be blood - they shot him in the chest, Peter said, and Sara swallows a dry sob - she stares at the broken pieces but she can’t bring herself to clean it tonight. She collapses on the couch, dry-eyed and tired and empty, and watches as the room gets darker.
When the night comes, she finally shatters and cries.
* * *
Black clothes have never been a big part of Sara’s wardrobe - they make her skin look pale and sick. Still, she owns a few pieces that she can combine with other clothes.
Today, she puts them on together; black skirt, black shoes, black jacket over a white shirt. She calls the cab that takes her to the Battersea bridge - it’s not too far from her place and one of the least frequented bridges in London, which suits her perfectly. Sara tells the cabbie to wait for her a few streets away before walking to the bridge alone. It’s clouded today, the sky is dark and the wind is messing up her hair.
She watches the river below her as the cars pass behind her back. She takes her time; soon there are goose bumps on her skin, but Sara knows she can’t rush this. She remembers Neal’s smile and thinks about their time together, about the life she wished for them that they would never have.
She reaches into her purse and pulls out the box with the engagement rings. ‘Another time,’ she thinks, and she can almost see Neal’s grin and his strut and that ridiculous hat. Biting at her lip, Sara chuckles even as she wipes away a tear.
She tosses the rings in the river. Then she returns to the cab so she can go home, change and get back to work.
* * *
Part II