(freezing and melting) like snow
chen/sehun ; ~1600 ; pg
every year it snows on christmas day, and every year jongdae likes sehun.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU LISA MY BABE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I'M SORRY THIS ISN'T BETTER BUT I HOPE IT IS AN OKAY PRESENT <3
christmas is always a nice time, jongdae thinks, but maybe not as nice as everybody else thinks. there are snowflakes to be caught, cozy (and often ugly) sweaters to be worn, mugs of hot chocolate to be drunk, holiday jingles to be sung, parties and cheer to be had, shiny presents to be wrapped. but for several years, jongdae has been trying to give (or get) a gift that can’t be tied up with curly red ribbons, and each time he only gets words and memories that bite like too much peppermint on his tongue.
well, that’s not entirely true. a few christmases were sweet too, like the smears of colored frosting jongdae would get on his fingers after eating cookies. like the first christmas he had with sehun.
the oh family had moved into their apartment complex when jongdae was nine. they had only being living in the building for a few months, but thanks to jongdae’s mother’s chattiness and insistence on potluck dinners the families had become close, and even though it was their first christmas together they held a joint party. jongdae doesn’t remember too much of what happened, but he remembers the smile he had shared with eight-year-old sehun at the snow falling outside and the extra sweets they had snuck as they crouched under the table.
“oops,” sehun had said as he dropped a cookie and the powdered sugar coating it had scattered across the carpet.
“it’s like snow falling,” jongdae had noted, and they both burst out into giggles. even now when jongdae thinks of it, he smiles although it isn’t really funny in hindsight.
that was the first christmas jongdae had spent with sehun, and it was also the first time that jongdae thought sehun looked different as he laughed -- maybe not just ugly, but maybe also like someone who jongdae could spend a lot of time laughing with.
there was the christmas where jongdae and sehun were in middle school and awkwardly growing up together. sehun was already taller than jongdae and he never let jongdae forget it, but he still called jongdae hyung.
their mothers had sent them out of the house because they were still cooking and didn’t want anyone in their way. since all stores of interest to teenage boys were closed, jongdae dragged sehun up stairs and more stairs to the park not far from their school. the wind was cold and the pavement a little slippery, but when they reached the top and overlooked the whole city as it became dusted in white, the boys agreed it was worth it. when jongdae looked over at sehun, his awed expression, the rosy glow of his pale face, and the snowflakes resting in his eyelashes made jongdae realize for the first time that sehun was something more to him besides neighbor and childhood friend.
it wasn’t exactly christmas then, but around that time during jongdae’s second year of high school and sehun’s first, the dance club that sehun had joined held a winter recital. jongdae was in the front row, mesmerized and smiling even when sehun was in the back of the group, and when the show ended he waited by the edge of the stage while trying not to feel embarrassed for holding a bouquet of poinsettias.
he knew by then not to try to hide his jealousy to himself when a group of girls flocked around sehun as he walked down the steps of the stage. he just tried to stay smiling as he waited, hoping that sehun push through the girls and come to him. and after a few smiles and pictures, sehun did.
“are you my girlfriend or something?” he had laughed as he took the flowers. jongdae tried not to hope that the smile on sehun’s face was extra bright just for him.
“these are poinsettias. they’re for the holidays, and they’re actually for decorating your house.”
“oh.” jongdae tried not to hope (not very hard) that the little drop in sehun’s expression meant that he wanted the flowers to be his, that he wanted something from jongdae just for him.
“shut up, you’re so stupid,” jongdae grins as he pats sehun on the back. “good job. really.”
(good job so effortlessly making me like you.)
there was the christmas where sehun had texted jongdae saying that he couldn’t make it to their families’ party because he was going to jongin’s instead. jongdae wasn’t surprised, really -- sehun and jongin had been going out for a few weeks, hip to hip not just in the dance practice room but outside of it too, and jongdae was in the process of learning to grow a shield when he saw sehun’s hand in jongin’s pocket or vice versa. what little had been built came tumbling down when sehun sent him a text reading “we’re eating fried chicken right now. it’s good chicken, but i miss eating your mom’s christmas cookies with you.”
since this was the first year his brother had gone off to the military, jongdae had spent that christmas sitting awkwardly in the sitting room very alone, trying to fill the sad gnawing in his stomach with cookies while staring at the same message on his phone and desperately hoping for just one more that never came. he had drafted several to sehun himself, one that read “it’s boring!!! come back here,” another that said “fried chicken will make you fatter than cookies,” and even a painfully simple “i like you.”
jongdae never sent any of them. he just whispered his thoughts to the snowflakes sticking to the glass.
now in the present, jongdae still finds himself whispering to the snowflakes and telling them all his stories. the party hasn’t started yet, and the closer it gets the closer jongdae feels to another year of closed feelings and disappointment.
and suddenly, he pulls out his phone and texts sehun.
“meet me at the park.”
short and sweet. he hopes.
he stands up and runs out of his room, giving some half-hearted excuse to his mother as he pulls his arms through his coat and trips out the door, not caring that his socks are full of holes or that there’s a smear of icing on his sweater. it’s the last christmas of jongdae’s so-called childhood, and high schoolers are supposed to be reckless, right? he feels obligated to live out his duty as a teenager, even if it means he’s acting like the protagonist of some romantic comedy movie. that would actually be nice, because it means he’s guaranteed a happy ending.
half an hour later, jongdae stands at the top of the steps with his hands on his knees as he gasps at the freezing air burning his throat. he probably looks stupid with his too-red cheeks and nose and his windblown hair (his hood wouldn’t stay on as he ran). he realizes he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say. will he retell their whole story? should he just say “i like you. can you like me too?”
clipped footsteps interrupt his thoughts. a familiar tall figure is running up the steps, but he suddenly slows down to a walking pace when he comes into closer view. jongdae smiles. he’s always watching sehun more than the other knows.
sehun’s cheeks are red too, but his breathing is too calm. like he’s trying to control it. this time, jongdae completely lets himself hope, because if he doesn’t he might not be able to say what he’s supposed to.
his ears are hot, but his hands tremble, and his voice does a little bit too.
“i know i normally talk a lot. i might be talking too much now, but i figured this is one of the last times where i’ll be able to talk this much now and sort of get away with it because i’m still young.
i normally talk a lot, but for the past few years there’s something i haven’t been able to say to you.”
jongdae bites his lip and looks sehun in the eye. maybe he shouldn’t have, because sehun’s eyes are sparkling and his eyelashes are sprinkled with snowflakes and jongdae’s breath is nearly taken away. but it makes him say what he meant to.
“i like you. you’re my best friend, even if you’re younger and have different friends and classes than me. we’re not just closest because we live next to each other, but we’ve done stupid things together and told each other stupid things and that’s why we’re best friends. at least you’re my best friend. but i want you to be something else besides just my best friend.”
he takes a breath. still shaking. sehun’s lips are parted,but he doesn’t say anything.
“i’m sorry i couldn’t tell you before. or maybe i’m sorry that i told you. i hope you’ll still be my best friend even if you don’t want anything else.”
the snow is falling heavier now and finally, sehun reacts. he steps forward and pulls jongdae into the warmest hug he’s ever had.
“stupid. it took you long enough.
and merry christmas."
this year it still snows on christmas, and this year jongdae still likes sehun. but this is the first year where jongdae knows sehun likes him back. this is the first year where instead of being kissed by snowflakes and cold winds, jongdae’s lips brush sehun’s warm ones.
every year it snows on christmas day, and every year jongdae likes sehun.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU LISA MY BABE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I'M SORRY THIS ISN'T BETTER BUT I HOPE IT IS AN OKAY PRESENT <3
christmas is always a nice time, jongdae thinks, but maybe not as nice as everybody else thinks. there are snowflakes to be caught, cozy (and often ugly) sweaters to be worn, mugs of hot chocolate to be drunk, holiday jingles to be sung, parties and cheer to be had, shiny presents to be wrapped. but for several years, jongdae has been trying to give (or get) a gift that can’t be tied up with curly red ribbons, and each time he only gets words and memories that bite like too much peppermint on his tongue.
well, that’s not entirely true. a few christmases were sweet too, like the smears of colored frosting jongdae would get on his fingers after eating cookies. like the first christmas he had with sehun.
the oh family had moved into their apartment complex when jongdae was nine. they had only being living in the building for a few months, but thanks to jongdae’s mother’s chattiness and insistence on potluck dinners the families had become close, and even though it was their first christmas together they held a joint party. jongdae doesn’t remember too much of what happened, but he remembers the smile he had shared with eight-year-old sehun at the snow falling outside and the extra sweets they had snuck as they crouched under the table.
“oops,” sehun had said as he dropped a cookie and the powdered sugar coating it had scattered across the carpet.
“it’s like snow falling,” jongdae had noted, and they both burst out into giggles. even now when jongdae thinks of it, he smiles although it isn’t really funny in hindsight.
that was the first christmas jongdae had spent with sehun, and it was also the first time that jongdae thought sehun looked different as he laughed -- maybe not just ugly, but maybe also like someone who jongdae could spend a lot of time laughing with.
there was the christmas where jongdae and sehun were in middle school and awkwardly growing up together. sehun was already taller than jongdae and he never let jongdae forget it, but he still called jongdae hyung.
their mothers had sent them out of the house because they were still cooking and didn’t want anyone in their way. since all stores of interest to teenage boys were closed, jongdae dragged sehun up stairs and more stairs to the park not far from their school. the wind was cold and the pavement a little slippery, but when they reached the top and overlooked the whole city as it became dusted in white, the boys agreed it was worth it. when jongdae looked over at sehun, his awed expression, the rosy glow of his pale face, and the snowflakes resting in his eyelashes made jongdae realize for the first time that sehun was something more to him besides neighbor and childhood friend.
it wasn’t exactly christmas then, but around that time during jongdae’s second year of high school and sehun’s first, the dance club that sehun had joined held a winter recital. jongdae was in the front row, mesmerized and smiling even when sehun was in the back of the group, and when the show ended he waited by the edge of the stage while trying not to feel embarrassed for holding a bouquet of poinsettias.
he knew by then not to try to hide his jealousy to himself when a group of girls flocked around sehun as he walked down the steps of the stage. he just tried to stay smiling as he waited, hoping that sehun push through the girls and come to him. and after a few smiles and pictures, sehun did.
“are you my girlfriend or something?” he had laughed as he took the flowers. jongdae tried not to hope that the smile on sehun’s face was extra bright just for him.
“these are poinsettias. they’re for the holidays, and they’re actually for decorating your house.”
“oh.” jongdae tried not to hope (not very hard) that the little drop in sehun’s expression meant that he wanted the flowers to be his, that he wanted something from jongdae just for him.
“shut up, you’re so stupid,” jongdae grins as he pats sehun on the back. “good job. really.”
(good job so effortlessly making me like you.)
there was the christmas where sehun had texted jongdae saying that he couldn’t make it to their families’ party because he was going to jongin’s instead. jongdae wasn’t surprised, really -- sehun and jongin had been going out for a few weeks, hip to hip not just in the dance practice room but outside of it too, and jongdae was in the process of learning to grow a shield when he saw sehun’s hand in jongin’s pocket or vice versa. what little had been built came tumbling down when sehun sent him a text reading “we’re eating fried chicken right now. it’s good chicken, but i miss eating your mom’s christmas cookies with you.”
since this was the first year his brother had gone off to the military, jongdae had spent that christmas sitting awkwardly in the sitting room very alone, trying to fill the sad gnawing in his stomach with cookies while staring at the same message on his phone and desperately hoping for just one more that never came. he had drafted several to sehun himself, one that read “it’s boring!!! come back here,” another that said “fried chicken will make you fatter than cookies,” and even a painfully simple “i like you.”
jongdae never sent any of them. he just whispered his thoughts to the snowflakes sticking to the glass.
now in the present, jongdae still finds himself whispering to the snowflakes and telling them all his stories. the party hasn’t started yet, and the closer it gets the closer jongdae feels to another year of closed feelings and disappointment.
and suddenly, he pulls out his phone and texts sehun.
“meet me at the park.”
short and sweet. he hopes.
he stands up and runs out of his room, giving some half-hearted excuse to his mother as he pulls his arms through his coat and trips out the door, not caring that his socks are full of holes or that there’s a smear of icing on his sweater. it’s the last christmas of jongdae’s so-called childhood, and high schoolers are supposed to be reckless, right? he feels obligated to live out his duty as a teenager, even if it means he’s acting like the protagonist of some romantic comedy movie. that would actually be nice, because it means he’s guaranteed a happy ending.
half an hour later, jongdae stands at the top of the steps with his hands on his knees as he gasps at the freezing air burning his throat. he probably looks stupid with his too-red cheeks and nose and his windblown hair (his hood wouldn’t stay on as he ran). he realizes he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say. will he retell their whole story? should he just say “i like you. can you like me too?”
clipped footsteps interrupt his thoughts. a familiar tall figure is running up the steps, but he suddenly slows down to a walking pace when he comes into closer view. jongdae smiles. he’s always watching sehun more than the other knows.
sehun’s cheeks are red too, but his breathing is too calm. like he’s trying to control it. this time, jongdae completely lets himself hope, because if he doesn’t he might not be able to say what he’s supposed to.
his ears are hot, but his hands tremble, and his voice does a little bit too.
“i know i normally talk a lot. i might be talking too much now, but i figured this is one of the last times where i’ll be able to talk this much now and sort of get away with it because i’m still young.
i normally talk a lot, but for the past few years there’s something i haven’t been able to say to you.”
jongdae bites his lip and looks sehun in the eye. maybe he shouldn’t have, because sehun’s eyes are sparkling and his eyelashes are sprinkled with snowflakes and jongdae’s breath is nearly taken away. but it makes him say what he meant to.
“i like you. you’re my best friend, even if you’re younger and have different friends and classes than me. we’re not just closest because we live next to each other, but we’ve done stupid things together and told each other stupid things and that’s why we’re best friends. at least you’re my best friend. but i want you to be something else besides just my best friend.”
he takes a breath. still shaking. sehun’s lips are parted,but he doesn’t say anything.
“i’m sorry i couldn’t tell you before. or maybe i’m sorry that i told you. i hope you’ll still be my best friend even if you don’t want anything else.”
the snow is falling heavier now and finally, sehun reacts. he steps forward and pulls jongdae into the warmest hug he’s ever had.
“stupid. it took you long enough.
and merry christmas."
this year it still snows on christmas, and this year jongdae still likes sehun. but this is the first year where jongdae knows sehun likes him back. this is the first year where instead of being kissed by snowflakes and cold winds, jongdae’s lips brush sehun’s warm ones.