The Red Face of Fear - Chapter 1
Title: The Red Face of Fear
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG13
Summary: Sequel to “Red Window”. With Lisbon back on the team, they continue to handle cases including those that pertain to Red John. Things are far more personal, emotional, and closer to home than they have ever been.
Warning: none yet
Chapter 1 - “I won’t hold you to it”
Author’s Note: Takes place three weeks after the ending events in “Red Window”.
............................
“Everybody’s talkin’ at me. I don’t hear a word they’re saying. Only the echoes of my mind.” - Everybody’s Talkin‘, Fred Neil
CBI Headquarters
Three weeks.
She’d been back three weeks. Lisbon was sure that it should feel better, but it really didn’t. Though Madeline Hightower was the new agent in charge, Virgil Minelli had been brought back in to consult. At least that’s what they were calling it. Lisbon was pretty sure that it was more of a dual evaluation. She’d passed the medical and psych exams. She was supposed to be back in the field already, but Hightower had kept her in the office. She’d been coordinating all efforts from her desk. It really wasn’t helping her confidence level. At the very least, Minelli kept her company in Sacramento.
“I’m telling you, Lisbon, Hightower is iffy about sending you into the field because she doesn’t know you well enough,” Jane told her.
Ever since she’d been rescued from Idaho, Jane had stayed close and had been giving her her space. She knew that even though she told him otherwise, he was still blaming himself. And though they’d both admitted their feelings for each other, things were still much the same. She swore the only differences were that he now tended to nap on the couch in her office rather than on his couch. He’d also come over for dinner and sleep over occasionally.
Their relationship wasn’t romantic or sexual. Lisbon had a feeling that things would remain much the same until Red John was found and brought to justice (and at this point, she didn’t care whose justice was brought about). Also, she knew that Jane still wore his wedding ring. He had wounds that were still ultimately healing.
“It seems silly to bring him back to consult on me,” Lisbon told him. She was finishing up paperwork on the case that her team had just solved. It seemed like there was so much more paperwork when she was stuck in her office. She figured that it was probably because of her being so coped up.
“Consultant is just a cover. It’s like visiting.”
Lisbon smiled. “So, you’re just visiting then?”
“Well, I think I just need a different job title.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Perhaps clown?”
“I don’t do the make-up,” he joked. “Clogs the pores.”
“I think just ‘Patrick Jane’ is probably a good enough title all on its own,” she said as she turned her attention back to her paperwork.
“Minelli should be showing up any minute now,” Jane informed her. “He seems grouchy lately…”
“I would be too if someone yanked me out of retirement only to be babysitting an agent because I know them better than the replacement.”
“Well, we know that you’ve been cleared everywhere else,” Jane said. “Hightower’s just feeling you out.”
“Not really comforting.”
There was a knock and by the time she looked up, Minelli already had a foot in her office. He looked less grouchy today but she thought that it could just be that he’d already had coffee.
“Right on time,” Jane said from where he lay on the couch. “Good morning, Virgil!”
“Do you ever leave her office?” Minelli asked Jane.
Lisbon smiled and tried not to laugh at their exchange. She shook her head and then closed the folder with the finished paperwork. “I think he’s decided that mine is comfier than his.”
Jane nodded. “Plus, Rigsby and Cho can be loud… They have no concern for those who may be napping.”
“I think you nap more than you work,” Minelli told him.
Jane shrugged. “That might be fair…”
Minelli turned to her and she looked at him, trying to figure him out. She desperately wanted to ask him what was going on. Why was he there? Why wasn’t she allowed to go out into the field? But she remained silent and just waited as he took the chair across from her.
“You’re probably sick of having me here,” Minelli told her.
“No,” she lied. Well, it was a half lie. She didn’t mind the company when everyone else was gone. “I just…I feel awful that they pulled you from retirement to…consult.”
“Well,” Jane said. “He retired because he felt responsible for your death…and then he was brought back in order to be the responsible one to send you back into the field. Isn’t that right, Virgil?”
“Teresa…I care about those who serve under me. We’re like a family, down to even the part where you all drive me insane sometimes. Though, I’ll admit that Jane’s usually the one who’s driving me insane. But you,” he said and then paused. Minelli stared at her for a moment. “You remind me of a daughter. And I couldn’t continue to come to work everyday with the continuing guilt that you’d been slaughtered on my watch.” He shook his head. “I already went through that once. I couldn’t go through that again and then have to stare down at your lifeless body in the morgue on a slab.”
She noticed that Jane moved so that he was sitting up now behind Minelli. Lisbon appreciated her former boss being so frank with her and she was touched at how he felt about her. Though she wished that he hadn’t retired because of her.
“As for why I’m here now, I’m sure you both can see past the joke of them saying that I’m a consultant. I’m here to assess whether or not you’re truly ready to go back into the field,” Minelli told her. “Now, I guess it’s hard for me… I know you’re ready, but I guess I’m afraid to say yes and then them find a smiley face drawn in blood on some wall somewhere again in your blood.”
Lisbon nodded. She looked down and she understood. She understood because even though she was back at work and she felt like she could go back into the field…she’d been having nightmares… The two months or so she spent in Simon’s fictitious life were haunting her. Her counselor had talked to her about it, but nothing was helping. Well, not nothing…when Jane would spend the night they wouldn’t be as intense or sometimes she’d only have it right before she woke up instead of all night. She hadn’t told him that though. If she told Jane, then he’d never leave her side for one second and she wouldn’t have him feel obligated.
“Lisbon?”
“Hmmm?” she asked as she zoned back in.
“You okay?”
She could see concern in both Minelli and Jane’s eyes. She’d obviously zoned out for more than a second. Lisbon nodded. “Sorry, I think I just need some coffee… Too much paperwork stuff floating around my head.”
“Look, I’m going to go talk to Hightower about letting you back in the field. I’ll tell her that I’ll go along for your next case and if things go well then I can go back to my retirement,” Minelli said as he got to his feet.
“Thank you, Boss,” she said as she stood up too.
“I’m not your boss anymore, Lisbon.”
She just nodded and watched as he left. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that she was being watched. Patrick Jane was still watching her with concern and worry. She frowned as she turned to him fully. “Please don’t look at me like that…”
“You want some coffee?” he asked. Jane got to his feet and walked to her desk before taking the seat that Minelli had been sitting in previously.
Lisbon shook her head and sat back down. “No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Skeletons in the closet I guess…”
“Red John?”
“Red John,” she said and then added. “Simon.”
“You’ve stopped telling your shrink about it, haven’t you?” he asked.
She looked at him sideways for a moment before finally nodding. “You know, Mrs. Millary called me yesterday to tell me how well Kaydance is doing and how big Jane is getting. She even said that she swore that her daughter was happier than before she was taken and asks about me a lot. The senator wants the CBI to give me some kind of commendation-“
“You deserve it.”
Shaking her head, she pushed the words out. “I don’t. I survived. That’s all. I made it through. I did everything I did to keep a little girl safe. Anyone would have done it in my position. But you would think that the little girl would be the one with the nightmares and I’m the one with them.”
“Lisbon, what you went through-“
“It’s not even what I went through… Once in a while it’ll be about Simon, but most of the time… Most of the time it’s Red John. I can’t see him, but I hear a voice…but not really…it’s hard to explain.”
“You haven’t ever told me what happens…”
She looked at him and knew that if she told him that he’d never forgive himself. “There’s a reason I don’t, Patrick,” she said quietly and then looked away.
“Hey,” he started to protest softly.
There was a knock at her door and she looked up to see Van Pelt standing there. She motioned for her to enter and then waited. “What is it?”
“Rigsby wants to know if you want anything special for the closed case pizzas at lunch?” Van Pelt asked.
“The usual is fine,” she said, trying to put on a smile.
“Oh Grace?” Jane spoke up. “Could you get Lisbon a coffee and a snack please?”
“No,” Lisbon said quickly. She waved her hand. “I’m fine…really…”
“It’s not a problem,” Van Pelt said before disappearing.
“See, it’s not a problem,” Jane said as he turned back to Lisbon. “Now where were we?”
Lisbon shook her head. Though things were the same, Jane had toned things down just a tad. It was just her that probably even noticed. Of course, it was harder for her to control Jane in the field when she was stuck in her office so he tended to get away with a lot more. She swore that Jane and Cho were in league together and that he just had Rigsby and Van Pelt so well trained.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lisbon said quietly.
“Why not?”
“Because you’ll hold onto it and blame yourself…just like you’re still blaming yourself about everything else about Red John.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is.”
“It is not.”
“You blame yourself for Red John taking me both times and you blame yourself for the deaths of your wife and child,” she pointed out. “I’m not going to have you put the weight of my nightmares on top of that. It’s too much.” She looked down and willed herself to keep the tears back. Just talking about them in a mention was enough to conjure up images, emotions, and pain. She saw the Red John smiley face drawn in her own blood, she felt her blood flowing from the open wound in her side, and she remembered the feeling that she was going to die. No, she wouldn’t burden him with that.
“Lisbon-“
“No.”
“Lisbon-“
“I said no, Jane.”
“Teresa,” he said, this time his voice was softer.
She looked up at him, staring at him. “Just…”
“Boss,” Van Pelt said after a quick knock. “Sorry…didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“No, no…you’re fine.”
Van Pelt entered and set the coffee down on her desk and then set down some kind of Danish on a napkin next to it. “Hope that’s okay.”
“That’s…that’s perfect, Grace,” Lisbon said as she looked up at the woman. “Thank you.”
“Sure,” she said before disappearing.
“Drink it, you’ll feel better…” Jane said quietly.
Lisbon looked down at the mug of coffee as she pulled it closer to her. “Can you just go for a while?” she whispered. She didn’t have the courage to look up at him. She was afraid of the broken look in his eyes. She just needed space. She needed time alone. She really just wanted to go home and sleep for a while, but the day was still early…
“If that’s what you want,” he responded.
“I just…I’m…” she found herself stumbling over her words. Lisbon rubbed her face with the palms of her hands for a moment before dropping them and looking at him. He was worried. “I’m sorry…I’m not mad at you…I just…I need some space.”
“I understand.”
And he sounded sincere. And she hoped he was. “You’re probably right, I probably just need this,” she said before lifting the mug to her lips and sipping the hot liquid.
Jane nodded. “I’ll be out there on my couch if you need or want me…”
“’kay.”
He stood and headed for her door before stopping and turning. “You’re going to be fine in the field,” he told her. “I’ll even promise to behave,” he added with a smile.
Lisbon just smiled at his words. “I won’t hold you to that,” she muttered.
…
TBC…
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG13
Summary: Sequel to “Red Window”. With Lisbon back on the team, they continue to handle cases including those that pertain to Red John. Things are far more personal, emotional, and closer to home than they have ever been.
Warning: none yet
Chapter 1 - “I won’t hold you to it”
Author’s Note: Takes place three weeks after the ending events in “Red Window”.
............................
“Everybody’s talkin’ at me. I don’t hear a word they’re saying. Only the echoes of my mind.” - Everybody’s Talkin‘, Fred Neil
CBI Headquarters
Three weeks.
She’d been back three weeks. Lisbon was sure that it should feel better, but it really didn’t. Though Madeline Hightower was the new agent in charge, Virgil Minelli had been brought back in to consult. At least that’s what they were calling it. Lisbon was pretty sure that it was more of a dual evaluation. She’d passed the medical and psych exams. She was supposed to be back in the field already, but Hightower had kept her in the office. She’d been coordinating all efforts from her desk. It really wasn’t helping her confidence level. At the very least, Minelli kept her company in Sacramento.
“I’m telling you, Lisbon, Hightower is iffy about sending you into the field because she doesn’t know you well enough,” Jane told her.
Ever since she’d been rescued from Idaho, Jane had stayed close and had been giving her her space. She knew that even though she told him otherwise, he was still blaming himself. And though they’d both admitted their feelings for each other, things were still much the same. She swore the only differences were that he now tended to nap on the couch in her office rather than on his couch. He’d also come over for dinner and sleep over occasionally.
Their relationship wasn’t romantic or sexual. Lisbon had a feeling that things would remain much the same until Red John was found and brought to justice (and at this point, she didn’t care whose justice was brought about). Also, she knew that Jane still wore his wedding ring. He had wounds that were still ultimately healing.
“It seems silly to bring him back to consult on me,” Lisbon told him. She was finishing up paperwork on the case that her team had just solved. It seemed like there was so much more paperwork when she was stuck in her office. She figured that it was probably because of her being so coped up.
“Consultant is just a cover. It’s like visiting.”
Lisbon smiled. “So, you’re just visiting then?”
“Well, I think I just need a different job title.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Perhaps clown?”
“I don’t do the make-up,” he joked. “Clogs the pores.”
“I think just ‘Patrick Jane’ is probably a good enough title all on its own,” she said as she turned her attention back to her paperwork.
“Minelli should be showing up any minute now,” Jane informed her. “He seems grouchy lately…”
“I would be too if someone yanked me out of retirement only to be babysitting an agent because I know them better than the replacement.”
“Well, we know that you’ve been cleared everywhere else,” Jane said. “Hightower’s just feeling you out.”
“Not really comforting.”
There was a knock and by the time she looked up, Minelli already had a foot in her office. He looked less grouchy today but she thought that it could just be that he’d already had coffee.
“Right on time,” Jane said from where he lay on the couch. “Good morning, Virgil!”
“Do you ever leave her office?” Minelli asked Jane.
Lisbon smiled and tried not to laugh at their exchange. She shook her head and then closed the folder with the finished paperwork. “I think he’s decided that mine is comfier than his.”
Jane nodded. “Plus, Rigsby and Cho can be loud… They have no concern for those who may be napping.”
“I think you nap more than you work,” Minelli told him.
Jane shrugged. “That might be fair…”
Minelli turned to her and she looked at him, trying to figure him out. She desperately wanted to ask him what was going on. Why was he there? Why wasn’t she allowed to go out into the field? But she remained silent and just waited as he took the chair across from her.
“You’re probably sick of having me here,” Minelli told her.
“No,” she lied. Well, it was a half lie. She didn’t mind the company when everyone else was gone. “I just…I feel awful that they pulled you from retirement to…consult.”
“Well,” Jane said. “He retired because he felt responsible for your death…and then he was brought back in order to be the responsible one to send you back into the field. Isn’t that right, Virgil?”
“Teresa…I care about those who serve under me. We’re like a family, down to even the part where you all drive me insane sometimes. Though, I’ll admit that Jane’s usually the one who’s driving me insane. But you,” he said and then paused. Minelli stared at her for a moment. “You remind me of a daughter. And I couldn’t continue to come to work everyday with the continuing guilt that you’d been slaughtered on my watch.” He shook his head. “I already went through that once. I couldn’t go through that again and then have to stare down at your lifeless body in the morgue on a slab.”
She noticed that Jane moved so that he was sitting up now behind Minelli. Lisbon appreciated her former boss being so frank with her and she was touched at how he felt about her. Though she wished that he hadn’t retired because of her.
“As for why I’m here now, I’m sure you both can see past the joke of them saying that I’m a consultant. I’m here to assess whether or not you’re truly ready to go back into the field,” Minelli told her. “Now, I guess it’s hard for me… I know you’re ready, but I guess I’m afraid to say yes and then them find a smiley face drawn in blood on some wall somewhere again in your blood.”
Lisbon nodded. She looked down and she understood. She understood because even though she was back at work and she felt like she could go back into the field…she’d been having nightmares… The two months or so she spent in Simon’s fictitious life were haunting her. Her counselor had talked to her about it, but nothing was helping. Well, not nothing…when Jane would spend the night they wouldn’t be as intense or sometimes she’d only have it right before she woke up instead of all night. She hadn’t told him that though. If she told Jane, then he’d never leave her side for one second and she wouldn’t have him feel obligated.
“Lisbon?”
“Hmmm?” she asked as she zoned back in.
“You okay?”
She could see concern in both Minelli and Jane’s eyes. She’d obviously zoned out for more than a second. Lisbon nodded. “Sorry, I think I just need some coffee… Too much paperwork stuff floating around my head.”
“Look, I’m going to go talk to Hightower about letting you back in the field. I’ll tell her that I’ll go along for your next case and if things go well then I can go back to my retirement,” Minelli said as he got to his feet.
“Thank you, Boss,” she said as she stood up too.
“I’m not your boss anymore, Lisbon.”
She just nodded and watched as he left. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that she was being watched. Patrick Jane was still watching her with concern and worry. She frowned as she turned to him fully. “Please don’t look at me like that…”
“You want some coffee?” he asked. Jane got to his feet and walked to her desk before taking the seat that Minelli had been sitting in previously.
Lisbon shook her head and sat back down. “No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Skeletons in the closet I guess…”
“Red John?”
“Red John,” she said and then added. “Simon.”
“You’ve stopped telling your shrink about it, haven’t you?” he asked.
She looked at him sideways for a moment before finally nodding. “You know, Mrs. Millary called me yesterday to tell me how well Kaydance is doing and how big Jane is getting. She even said that she swore that her daughter was happier than before she was taken and asks about me a lot. The senator wants the CBI to give me some kind of commendation-“
“You deserve it.”
Shaking her head, she pushed the words out. “I don’t. I survived. That’s all. I made it through. I did everything I did to keep a little girl safe. Anyone would have done it in my position. But you would think that the little girl would be the one with the nightmares and I’m the one with them.”
“Lisbon, what you went through-“
“It’s not even what I went through… Once in a while it’ll be about Simon, but most of the time… Most of the time it’s Red John. I can’t see him, but I hear a voice…but not really…it’s hard to explain.”
“You haven’t ever told me what happens…”
She looked at him and knew that if she told him that he’d never forgive himself. “There’s a reason I don’t, Patrick,” she said quietly and then looked away.
“Hey,” he started to protest softly.
There was a knock at her door and she looked up to see Van Pelt standing there. She motioned for her to enter and then waited. “What is it?”
“Rigsby wants to know if you want anything special for the closed case pizzas at lunch?” Van Pelt asked.
“The usual is fine,” she said, trying to put on a smile.
“Oh Grace?” Jane spoke up. “Could you get Lisbon a coffee and a snack please?”
“No,” Lisbon said quickly. She waved her hand. “I’m fine…really…”
“It’s not a problem,” Van Pelt said before disappearing.
“See, it’s not a problem,” Jane said as he turned back to Lisbon. “Now where were we?”
Lisbon shook her head. Though things were the same, Jane had toned things down just a tad. It was just her that probably even noticed. Of course, it was harder for her to control Jane in the field when she was stuck in her office so he tended to get away with a lot more. She swore that Jane and Cho were in league together and that he just had Rigsby and Van Pelt so well trained.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lisbon said quietly.
“Why not?”
“Because you’ll hold onto it and blame yourself…just like you’re still blaming yourself about everything else about Red John.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is.”
“It is not.”
“You blame yourself for Red John taking me both times and you blame yourself for the deaths of your wife and child,” she pointed out. “I’m not going to have you put the weight of my nightmares on top of that. It’s too much.” She looked down and willed herself to keep the tears back. Just talking about them in a mention was enough to conjure up images, emotions, and pain. She saw the Red John smiley face drawn in her own blood, she felt her blood flowing from the open wound in her side, and she remembered the feeling that she was going to die. No, she wouldn’t burden him with that.
“Lisbon-“
“No.”
“Lisbon-“
“I said no, Jane.”
“Teresa,” he said, this time his voice was softer.
She looked up at him, staring at him. “Just…”
“Boss,” Van Pelt said after a quick knock. “Sorry…didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“No, no…you’re fine.”
Van Pelt entered and set the coffee down on her desk and then set down some kind of Danish on a napkin next to it. “Hope that’s okay.”
“That’s…that’s perfect, Grace,” Lisbon said as she looked up at the woman. “Thank you.”
“Sure,” she said before disappearing.
“Drink it, you’ll feel better…” Jane said quietly.
Lisbon looked down at the mug of coffee as she pulled it closer to her. “Can you just go for a while?” she whispered. She didn’t have the courage to look up at him. She was afraid of the broken look in his eyes. She just needed space. She needed time alone. She really just wanted to go home and sleep for a while, but the day was still early…
“If that’s what you want,” he responded.
“I just…I’m…” she found herself stumbling over her words. Lisbon rubbed her face with the palms of her hands for a moment before dropping them and looking at him. He was worried. “I’m sorry…I’m not mad at you…I just…I need some space.”
“I understand.”
And he sounded sincere. And she hoped he was. “You’re probably right, I probably just need this,” she said before lifting the mug to her lips and sipping the hot liquid.
Jane nodded. “I’ll be out there on my couch if you need or want me…”
“’kay.”
He stood and headed for her door before stopping and turning. “You’re going to be fine in the field,” he told her. “I’ll even promise to behave,” he added with a smile.
Lisbon just smiled at his words. “I won’t hold you to that,” she muttered.
…
TBC…