"Red Window" - Chapter 21
Title: Red Window
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: R (to be safe)
Summary: Sequel to “Suffering is the Best Punishment”. With Lisbon gone, Jane leaves CBI to set out to find her and to kill Red John. He won’t let Red John kill his family again.
Warning: adult themes
Chapter 21 - “California Christmas”
Author’s Note: Merry Christmas! :D Glad everyone’s been enjoying this! I MAY write another Mentalist fanfic :D We shall see! Sorry this is a lil late…I actually have been battling a sore throat and sleep deprivation ~_^ I totally had this done yesterday but the internet here was being not helpful with the storm system
Suffering is the Best Punishment Trailer - http://www.megavideo.com/?v=Q581AW2H
............................
“Love doesn't hide. It stays and fights. It goes the distance, that's why love is so strong. So it can carry you all the way home.” - Anonymous
CBI Headquarters
“You should probably be at home resting,” Van Pelt said as they walked in.
They’d spent the previous evening in a hotel room eating pizza together with Kaydance Millary...and her puppy. They’d flown back that morning and they’d dropped off the girl and her puppy with her parents. Jane was surprised and amused that the puppy was named Jane. He was sure that Lisbon had suggested it. He was worried about her. The EMTs had said that she looked fine, but she’d been almost completely silent since they’d gotten to her. The most vocal she’d been was with the senator and his wife. She’d made sure that they knew how lucky they were and how happy Kaydance was about the puppy. She’d even gone on about how they needed to make sure that it got a little pool and that they kept it in air conditioning when it was hot.
There was no doubt in Jane’s mind that she’d make a great mom. He didn’t think that that was part of her plan, but he knew that she’d be a fierce mother and that she’d love a child with all her heart. The only problem that probably faced her was her job. And he could understand how her job and whom they dealt with could make her nix that option.
It was sad really.
“I’m fine,” Lisbon said.
She was quiet. He frowned and followed along. They’d ordered in Chinese. They were going to open presents and have lunch there. Lisbon had insisted. She had wanted to do paperwork, but they’d all agreed when she wasn’t around that they’d do Christmas and lunch and that the paperwork could wait. She’d been through enough already.
So far, they’d done an excellent job of avoiding Hightower. Lisbon had seemed shocked when she’d been informed that Minelli had retired and that Hightower was his replacement. He kept an eye out as they made their way from the elevator towards her office. He smiled at the lights that were lit. He didn’t know who’d turned everything on, but he appreciated it.
Jane watched as she smiled, it wasn’t a huge smile, but she was still pleased and then she paused. He looked at the door, her hand was on the handle, but she was staring at the naked glass. He frowned and watched as her face dropped.
“My name’s gone…”
“They’re re-doing it,” Rigsby lied quickly.
“No…”
“They’d re-doing the names on all the doors in the building,” Rigsby told her.
“The first floor still has the same lettering that it had before,” she pointed out.
Jane sighed. Sometimes Lisbon was just too smart for her own good. He didn’t want her to be upset or depressed. Her mood was already heading that way. He had hoped that this would cheer her up and that’s not what it was doing right now.
“Is this still my office?” she asked as she turned to them.
“Yes,” they all said in unison.
“Cho?”
“They offered it to me, but I declined,” Cho told her honestly.
Damn him. Jane glared at Cho, who merely shrugged in response. He knew that she’d be upset about it. They’d even put everything back. But she opened the door and entered her office. He hoped that the fact that things were in their places would help her. She needed to know that they hadn’t given up on her, that she was still accepted, and that they were still a family.
“You know that all these lights and this tree weren’t here before,” Lisbon told them.
He brightened a bit when he saw the smile on her face. Jane gestured for her to sit on the couch, but she continued to look around. Rigsby and Van Pelt found spots on the floor and set the box of Chinese food down as well. Cho stood off to the side but then pulled the chair from in front of her desk and sat down. Jane made himself comfortable on her couch and watched her as she checked out her desk. He was concerned, but so far he figured that she was okay. She would be. He had confidence in her. He noticed that she stopped and then she picked up the frame he’d placed there.
“This wasn’t here before…” she said quietly.
Worry racked him as he watched her face. She looked like she was going to cry. “No, it wasn’t,” he said. “But I figured that you needed a picture of your family here,” Jane said, he tried to make sure that his voice didn’t break. He felt upset to see her so upset. He’d hoped that it would make her happy…not sad.
She nodded, but kept the tears back. Lisbon set down the frame and then returned to them. She sat down next to him and leaned against him. Jane felt a wave of relief. She was still acting odd, but he knew that was to be expected. The most important thing was that she was there. There with them. Safe and sound.
A knock came at the door and Jane frowned as he saw Hightower standing there. He got up after looking quickly over at Lisbon. She looked scared and small and that scared him. Jane got to his feet and walked to the door. He opened it but stepped outside of the office and closed the door behind him. He turned to Hightower. “She says she’ll do the paperwork and stuff, but really…she needs to enjoy something…she needs to relax.”
“I understand your concerns, Mr. Jane,” Hightower said. “But I do need to actually talk to Agent Lisbon now if she’s to be re-instated into the CBI. And I have to do it today if she wants to be back on by the beginning of the year.”
“You’re going to give her time off, though, right?” he asked.
Hightower nodded. “I’m planning on all of you taking time off until about the second week of January. You can all come back and start fresh together.”
Jane nodded. “I’ll get Lisbon,” he said. He reached for the door but then turned to Hightower. “Thank you.”
She nodded.
Re-entering her office, he looked to Lisbon. “Hightower has to talk to you.”
Lisbon nodded and got to her feet quietly. She walked slowly to the door and then was out there was Hightower. Jane watched anxiously from the couch. He just hoped that Hightower didn’t scare Lisbon or upset her. He didn’t want what was left of the holiday to be ruined. Hightower looked stern and Lisbon looked like a scared child, but she nodded a lot. And then Hightower was gone and Lisbon stood there for a moment by herself before returning to her office and her couch.
“What’d she say?” Cho asked before Jane could.
“I can have my job back, but I have to be cleared medically and psychologically first,” Lisbon said. “And we all have until the tenth of January off.”
“We in trouble?” Van Pelt asked.
“Why would you be in trouble?” Lisbon asked.
“We weren’t supposed to go to Idaho until Hightower said we could,” Rigsby said. “And we went without her say so.”
Jane frowned. He didn’t want Lisbon to think that no one had been looking for her. That none of them cared for her. Because that wasn’t true. They all cared for her. She was part of their family. “Well, I won’t mind the time off…” Jane spoke up.
“It’ll be nice,” Rigsby agreed with a nod.
“Why don’t we start with presents?” Van Pelt said. There was a small mountain of gifts that had slowly accumulated under the tree.
“No,” Lisbon said quietly. Her head was down. “I didn’t get anyone anything yet…”
“You’re the best gift we could have asked for, Boss,” Rigsby said and there were a lot of nods.
Jane loved it when she smiled. She lit up, just a little. Just enough to give him some reassurance that things would be okay. He really was glad that Grace had taken the time to decorate Lisbon’s office for Christmas. It made things more special. He watched as Van Pelt moved closer to the tree and started to hand out presents. Jane hoped that this would raise Lisbon’s spirits, at the very least he hoped that maybe she’d talk a bit more.
He watched as everyone else started to open their presents, he kept an eye on Lisbon. She unwrapped her present and produced a brightly colored scarf. Jane watched her and seemed both surprised and happy with her present. “That’s pretty,” he told her. And she smiled at him.
“You haven’t opened yours,” she pointed out.
…
It was late. Lisbon had still insisted that they all did their paperwork. So, he’d sat in her office as she’d gone over what had happened with an officer. “You shouldn’t stay here all night,” Jane said. She’d already been debriefed in Idaho by the FBI. He didn’t understand why the CBI had to talk to her too. He didn’t see why the FBI couldn’t simply forward Hightower their interview and reports as far as Lisbon was concerned.
“You don’t have to stay,” she said without looking up at him.
He hated how she sounded. Her tone was all wrong and she didn’t give him any irritated looks. He hated the thought that perhaps Lisbon was broken. Jane frowned deeply as he continued to stare up at the ceiling. “I’m not going to leave you here all alone. Rigsby and Van Pelt left hours ago. Cho left about forty-five minutes ago.”
“My car is here,” Lisbon reminded.
“You’re not driving yourself…not until you’re definitely feeling one hundred percent,” Jane told her. He was worried about her driving, mostly because he was afraid that Red John would take advantage of her on her own.
“Jane, please…don’t do this…”
He could hear her voice crack. There was immense sadness there. He looked over to her and saw her head in his hands. He felt bad; he hadn’t meant to upset her. Sitting up, he turned and stared at her. “I only want to protect you, Lisbon,” he said honestly.
“I’ve been protected for two months now, Jane,” she said.
Lisbon’s head didn’t leave her hands. Jane felt guilt rising up in him. She wouldn’t look at him. He got up and slowly made his way to her side. He crouched down and swiveled her chair so that he was kneeling before her. “Teresa,” he said quietly. Reaching out, he pulled her hands from her face. Her face was red and puffy, especially her eyes. It made his heart break. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. His hand went to her cheek as he stared at her.
“I was there for two months and I wasn’t allowed to do anything on my own. I was surprised that he’d let me shower by myself,” Lisbon told him. “I just…I want to be me… I want to be the Teresa Lisbon who works for CBI.”
“That’s been you all the time,” he told her.
She shook her head and looked down. “No… Simon broke something inside of me… I’m not that same person.”
He could see it in her eyes that she believed that. It made him sick. Yes, he’d thought that she was broken in some way, but she believed that if she was broken then she could be fixed. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” Jane told her as his fingers caressed her cheek. “I know you, Teresa… I know that you’re strong and that maybe right now you don’t believe that…but I know that you’re going to be back to giving me a hard time soon enough.”
“I don’t know that I believe that,” she said quietly.
“Do you know why I kept going? Why I didn’t just go off and…” he stopped, he didn’t want to finish that sentence. Jane didn’t want her to worry about him. “I need you. I need you, Lisbon. The others need you. We’re a family. We’ve proved that over time and time again. We’re going to get through this. I’m going to help you get through it, Lisbon. If you let me.”
“The only reason I held on for so long was you,” Lisbon told him. “I knew you would come… You were in my dreams and I heard you one time…”
Jane smiled at her. “Couldn’t forget me that time, huh?” he teased.
She shook her head. “You don’t know how wonderful it was when I finally accepted that you were real.”
“Let me take you home?” he asked.
Lisbon nodded and gave him a small smile.
That was enough. If that was all he got for the rest of the night, he’d be fine. He nodded and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Your place… I don’t care about the mess. I’m driving.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
…
Lisbon Residence
Jane had opted for Lisbon to go home to her own place for several reasons, the main one being that Lisbon had been assaulted, cut, and abducted from his house. Also, he couldn’t help but be worried about her being exposed to the face on his bedroom wall or how it was pretty obvious that she needed to be somewhere that was her place. He didn’t want her to feel trapped. She’d already voiced that that was how she’d felt with Simon.
“I really need to pick up,” Lisbon said.
He just followed her slowly as she turned on lights. “Want me to help you pick up?” he asked. He hadn’t thought for them to invade her place and to pick up things before they got Lisbon back. He’d mainly been concerned about her office and generally getting her back.
“No, I’m not doing it tonight,” she said.
She looked around and Jane gave her space. He hung back with his hands in his pockets and tried not to stare. This was different than when they’d found her in the recovery center before…she was still Lisbon…she didn’t remember everything (and especially not him at first) but her attitude was still Lisbon. Now…she was like a fragment of her. He didn’t like it. But at that moment, he couldn’t do anything about it but be there for her.
“Okay,” he said almost inaudibly.
“You don’t have to worry, Jane,” she said and turned to face him.
“I just don’t want to lose you again,” he told her honestly. It wasn’t just Red John taking her away that worried him; it was her not coming back to him. It was Lisbon not being Lisbon anymore. And if that happened, Jane would know that it was because of him. Because of the choice he made. Because he hadn’t acted fast enough and hadn’t found her when he should have.
Lisbon took a few steps towards him. “I hate going to shrinks…but maybe it’ll be good for me,” she told him.
“I’m willing to listen if you want to talk about it,” Jane offered. “Just…offering…you don’t have to.” He didn’t want to push her. Jane desperately wanted to hold her and rub her back. To feel her in his arms and to let her know that everything was okay, but at the same time he worried about scaring her. He didn’t want to do that. So, he took a seat and just wanted. He waited on her to make the first move.
“Why do I think that if I do tell you that you’re just going to blame yourself?” she asked as she sat down next to him.
Jane shrugged. “Probably because you’re right.” He couldn’t help it. He held himself responsible just as he continued to hold himself responsible for the brutal and senseless deaths of his wife and daughter. “Probably because I love you.”
Her head fell on his shoulder and they just sat there. “My nose isn’t broken…he really didn’t hurt me… I’ve been hurt far more before,” she told him.
“Did he…?” Jane asked. She’d been made to be checked out at the hospital in Idaho, but the doctors wouldn’t tell him anything. Mainly because Hightower had been there too and whenever he’d start to convince them that he was related, Hightower would burst his bubble. He would really need to work on training her in some minor way.
“No,” she said as she shook her head against his shoulder. “You got there before he could do anything. I just…I couldn’t let him dispose of me and leave Kaydance in who knows who’s hands.”
“You’re a good mom,” Jane said. “I could see that.”
“I’m not really a mom…”
“You’re a woman…and it’s obvious to everyone who was there that you’ve been a mom to that little girl for a while. She adores you and you did nothing but look out for her through loving her, taking care of her, and protecting her,” Jane told her. “One day, you’re going to have kids of your own and be a fantastic mom.”
“Not sure about that one,” she said.
He could hear the smile in her voice and it made him smile. “Do you want me to stay?” he asked. He’d leave if she asked, though he’d probably stay in his car to make sure that she was okay. Jane really couldn’t bring himself to move too far away from her.
“I’d rather you stay tonight…if you wouldn’t mind,” Lisbon responded. She didn’t move her head. “Simon was kind to me, Jane. He’s just a sad man. He lost his wife…she was pregnant at the time. He just doesn’t seem to have every recovered from it. So, he was trying to recreate it.”
Jane just listened. He knew he could relate to the pain that Simon Callahan had been going through, but he’d tried to move on. Perhaps before…when he’d first lost them he’d maybe have done something similar if he hadn’t committed himself. He wondered then if perhaps Red John had used Mrs. Callahan as a test victim…and had been making amends for killing his wife years before. Jane hated to think that Red John actually knew the difference between right and wrong since it didn’t seem like he knew it.
“I was scared, Jane. I think that’s the most scared I’ve been in my life…” she told him. “I thought that I’d have to live there forever. I felt like I was dying inside.”
He hated that she was so miserable. He supposed that it could have all been much worse. That Simon could have hurt her and raped her and when they found her they’d only have found a broken shell. But Lisbon was stronger than that. She was strong and he knew that she just needed to find her place back in their world once again. He could understand how that could be confusing and scary.
“I’m glad to be back,” Lisbon told him. “Not because I’m home or because Hightower gave me back my job, but because I’m here with you.”
Jane moved his arm so that it was around her, holding her close. He allowed his head to move the short distance so that his head was resting against hers on his shoulder. “I missed my best friend,” he whispered to her. And he had. As much as he had thought about separating himself from the team, he found himself unable to push them all away…at least not for long. Lisbon had been there for him for years. She’d allowed his crazy antics and had tolerated him. She’d been there with him through everything. She was always there for him. “Merry Christmas, Teresa,” he whispered.
“Merry Christmas, Patrick,” she echoed quietly.
He didn’t have a tree, he didn’t have decorations, and he didn’t have presents to give to her. He’d gotten presents for everyone in the team to hand out at the party except Lisbon. He didn’t know what to get her. He didn’t know how she’d react when they finally got to her. But this was the best gift he’d gotten. And this was honestly the best Christmas he’d had in a long time. But so far they seemed okay and he was starting to see that what she needed…what they both needed was just time. Slowly, she was starting to sound like the Lisbon he remembered. She just had to relax and remember where she was. That she was safe.
Safe.
He’d keep her safe.
He’d be there for her.
He’d try to be as un-difficult as possible.
Possible being the key word there. They still needed to do their jobs. They needed to solve cases. So, he may have to still use his unconventional ways of doing things, but he’d make sure that she had a heads up. Or at least he’d try to.
She pulled his arm so that it was tightly pulled against her. So that he was holding her snugly. He stared down at her and just smiled. This was truly the best Christmas he’d had in quite some time. They sat like that there on Lisbon’s couch for a long time, listening to the rain that had begun to pour outside. It was the closest thing that they’d probably get to snow unless the temperature lowered a bit more.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.”
And he did.
And he would.
He’d love her and keep her safe. Her heart, her mind, her body, and her soul.
…
The End.
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: R (to be safe)
Summary: Sequel to “Suffering is the Best Punishment”. With Lisbon gone, Jane leaves CBI to set out to find her and to kill Red John. He won’t let Red John kill his family again.
Warning: adult themes
Chapter 21 - “California Christmas”
Author’s Note: Merry Christmas! :D Glad everyone’s been enjoying this! I MAY write another Mentalist fanfic :D We shall see! Sorry this is a lil late…I actually have been battling a sore throat and sleep deprivation ~_^ I totally had this done yesterday but the internet here was being not helpful with the storm system
Suffering is the Best Punishment Trailer - http://www.megavideo.com/?v=Q581AW2H
............................
“Love doesn't hide. It stays and fights. It goes the distance, that's why love is so strong. So it can carry you all the way home.” - Anonymous
CBI Headquarters
“You should probably be at home resting,” Van Pelt said as they walked in.
They’d spent the previous evening in a hotel room eating pizza together with Kaydance Millary...and her puppy. They’d flown back that morning and they’d dropped off the girl and her puppy with her parents. Jane was surprised and amused that the puppy was named Jane. He was sure that Lisbon had suggested it. He was worried about her. The EMTs had said that she looked fine, but she’d been almost completely silent since they’d gotten to her. The most vocal she’d been was with the senator and his wife. She’d made sure that they knew how lucky they were and how happy Kaydance was about the puppy. She’d even gone on about how they needed to make sure that it got a little pool and that they kept it in air conditioning when it was hot.
There was no doubt in Jane’s mind that she’d make a great mom. He didn’t think that that was part of her plan, but he knew that she’d be a fierce mother and that she’d love a child with all her heart. The only problem that probably faced her was her job. And he could understand how her job and whom they dealt with could make her nix that option.
It was sad really.
“I’m fine,” Lisbon said.
She was quiet. He frowned and followed along. They’d ordered in Chinese. They were going to open presents and have lunch there. Lisbon had insisted. She had wanted to do paperwork, but they’d all agreed when she wasn’t around that they’d do Christmas and lunch and that the paperwork could wait. She’d been through enough already.
So far, they’d done an excellent job of avoiding Hightower. Lisbon had seemed shocked when she’d been informed that Minelli had retired and that Hightower was his replacement. He kept an eye out as they made their way from the elevator towards her office. He smiled at the lights that were lit. He didn’t know who’d turned everything on, but he appreciated it.
Jane watched as she smiled, it wasn’t a huge smile, but she was still pleased and then she paused. He looked at the door, her hand was on the handle, but she was staring at the naked glass. He frowned and watched as her face dropped.
“My name’s gone…”
“They’re re-doing it,” Rigsby lied quickly.
“No…”
“They’d re-doing the names on all the doors in the building,” Rigsby told her.
“The first floor still has the same lettering that it had before,” she pointed out.
Jane sighed. Sometimes Lisbon was just too smart for her own good. He didn’t want her to be upset or depressed. Her mood was already heading that way. He had hoped that this would cheer her up and that’s not what it was doing right now.
“Is this still my office?” she asked as she turned to them.
“Yes,” they all said in unison.
“Cho?”
“They offered it to me, but I declined,” Cho told her honestly.
Damn him. Jane glared at Cho, who merely shrugged in response. He knew that she’d be upset about it. They’d even put everything back. But she opened the door and entered her office. He hoped that the fact that things were in their places would help her. She needed to know that they hadn’t given up on her, that she was still accepted, and that they were still a family.
“You know that all these lights and this tree weren’t here before,” Lisbon told them.
He brightened a bit when he saw the smile on her face. Jane gestured for her to sit on the couch, but she continued to look around. Rigsby and Van Pelt found spots on the floor and set the box of Chinese food down as well. Cho stood off to the side but then pulled the chair from in front of her desk and sat down. Jane made himself comfortable on her couch and watched her as she checked out her desk. He was concerned, but so far he figured that she was okay. She would be. He had confidence in her. He noticed that she stopped and then she picked up the frame he’d placed there.
“This wasn’t here before…” she said quietly.
Worry racked him as he watched her face. She looked like she was going to cry. “No, it wasn’t,” he said. “But I figured that you needed a picture of your family here,” Jane said, he tried to make sure that his voice didn’t break. He felt upset to see her so upset. He’d hoped that it would make her happy…not sad.
She nodded, but kept the tears back. Lisbon set down the frame and then returned to them. She sat down next to him and leaned against him. Jane felt a wave of relief. She was still acting odd, but he knew that was to be expected. The most important thing was that she was there. There with them. Safe and sound.
A knock came at the door and Jane frowned as he saw Hightower standing there. He got up after looking quickly over at Lisbon. She looked scared and small and that scared him. Jane got to his feet and walked to the door. He opened it but stepped outside of the office and closed the door behind him. He turned to Hightower. “She says she’ll do the paperwork and stuff, but really…she needs to enjoy something…she needs to relax.”
“I understand your concerns, Mr. Jane,” Hightower said. “But I do need to actually talk to Agent Lisbon now if she’s to be re-instated into the CBI. And I have to do it today if she wants to be back on by the beginning of the year.”
“You’re going to give her time off, though, right?” he asked.
Hightower nodded. “I’m planning on all of you taking time off until about the second week of January. You can all come back and start fresh together.”
Jane nodded. “I’ll get Lisbon,” he said. He reached for the door but then turned to Hightower. “Thank you.”
She nodded.
Re-entering her office, he looked to Lisbon. “Hightower has to talk to you.”
Lisbon nodded and got to her feet quietly. She walked slowly to the door and then was out there was Hightower. Jane watched anxiously from the couch. He just hoped that Hightower didn’t scare Lisbon or upset her. He didn’t want what was left of the holiday to be ruined. Hightower looked stern and Lisbon looked like a scared child, but she nodded a lot. And then Hightower was gone and Lisbon stood there for a moment by herself before returning to her office and her couch.
“What’d she say?” Cho asked before Jane could.
“I can have my job back, but I have to be cleared medically and psychologically first,” Lisbon said. “And we all have until the tenth of January off.”
“We in trouble?” Van Pelt asked.
“Why would you be in trouble?” Lisbon asked.
“We weren’t supposed to go to Idaho until Hightower said we could,” Rigsby said. “And we went without her say so.”
Jane frowned. He didn’t want Lisbon to think that no one had been looking for her. That none of them cared for her. Because that wasn’t true. They all cared for her. She was part of their family. “Well, I won’t mind the time off…” Jane spoke up.
“It’ll be nice,” Rigsby agreed with a nod.
“Why don’t we start with presents?” Van Pelt said. There was a small mountain of gifts that had slowly accumulated under the tree.
“No,” Lisbon said quietly. Her head was down. “I didn’t get anyone anything yet…”
“You’re the best gift we could have asked for, Boss,” Rigsby said and there were a lot of nods.
Jane loved it when she smiled. She lit up, just a little. Just enough to give him some reassurance that things would be okay. He really was glad that Grace had taken the time to decorate Lisbon’s office for Christmas. It made things more special. He watched as Van Pelt moved closer to the tree and started to hand out presents. Jane hoped that this would raise Lisbon’s spirits, at the very least he hoped that maybe she’d talk a bit more.
He watched as everyone else started to open their presents, he kept an eye on Lisbon. She unwrapped her present and produced a brightly colored scarf. Jane watched her and seemed both surprised and happy with her present. “That’s pretty,” he told her. And she smiled at him.
“You haven’t opened yours,” she pointed out.
…
It was late. Lisbon had still insisted that they all did their paperwork. So, he’d sat in her office as she’d gone over what had happened with an officer. “You shouldn’t stay here all night,” Jane said. She’d already been debriefed in Idaho by the FBI. He didn’t understand why the CBI had to talk to her too. He didn’t see why the FBI couldn’t simply forward Hightower their interview and reports as far as Lisbon was concerned.
“You don’t have to stay,” she said without looking up at him.
He hated how she sounded. Her tone was all wrong and she didn’t give him any irritated looks. He hated the thought that perhaps Lisbon was broken. Jane frowned deeply as he continued to stare up at the ceiling. “I’m not going to leave you here all alone. Rigsby and Van Pelt left hours ago. Cho left about forty-five minutes ago.”
“My car is here,” Lisbon reminded.
“You’re not driving yourself…not until you’re definitely feeling one hundred percent,” Jane told her. He was worried about her driving, mostly because he was afraid that Red John would take advantage of her on her own.
“Jane, please…don’t do this…”
He could hear her voice crack. There was immense sadness there. He looked over to her and saw her head in his hands. He felt bad; he hadn’t meant to upset her. Sitting up, he turned and stared at her. “I only want to protect you, Lisbon,” he said honestly.
“I’ve been protected for two months now, Jane,” she said.
Lisbon’s head didn’t leave her hands. Jane felt guilt rising up in him. She wouldn’t look at him. He got up and slowly made his way to her side. He crouched down and swiveled her chair so that he was kneeling before her. “Teresa,” he said quietly. Reaching out, he pulled her hands from her face. Her face was red and puffy, especially her eyes. It made his heart break. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. His hand went to her cheek as he stared at her.
“I was there for two months and I wasn’t allowed to do anything on my own. I was surprised that he’d let me shower by myself,” Lisbon told him. “I just…I want to be me… I want to be the Teresa Lisbon who works for CBI.”
“That’s been you all the time,” he told her.
She shook her head and looked down. “No… Simon broke something inside of me… I’m not that same person.”
He could see it in her eyes that she believed that. It made him sick. Yes, he’d thought that she was broken in some way, but she believed that if she was broken then she could be fixed. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” Jane told her as his fingers caressed her cheek. “I know you, Teresa… I know that you’re strong and that maybe right now you don’t believe that…but I know that you’re going to be back to giving me a hard time soon enough.”
“I don’t know that I believe that,” she said quietly.
“Do you know why I kept going? Why I didn’t just go off and…” he stopped, he didn’t want to finish that sentence. Jane didn’t want her to worry about him. “I need you. I need you, Lisbon. The others need you. We’re a family. We’ve proved that over time and time again. We’re going to get through this. I’m going to help you get through it, Lisbon. If you let me.”
“The only reason I held on for so long was you,” Lisbon told him. “I knew you would come… You were in my dreams and I heard you one time…”
Jane smiled at her. “Couldn’t forget me that time, huh?” he teased.
She shook her head. “You don’t know how wonderful it was when I finally accepted that you were real.”
“Let me take you home?” he asked.
Lisbon nodded and gave him a small smile.
That was enough. If that was all he got for the rest of the night, he’d be fine. He nodded and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Your place… I don’t care about the mess. I’m driving.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
…
Lisbon Residence
Jane had opted for Lisbon to go home to her own place for several reasons, the main one being that Lisbon had been assaulted, cut, and abducted from his house. Also, he couldn’t help but be worried about her being exposed to the face on his bedroom wall or how it was pretty obvious that she needed to be somewhere that was her place. He didn’t want her to feel trapped. She’d already voiced that that was how she’d felt with Simon.
“I really need to pick up,” Lisbon said.
He just followed her slowly as she turned on lights. “Want me to help you pick up?” he asked. He hadn’t thought for them to invade her place and to pick up things before they got Lisbon back. He’d mainly been concerned about her office and generally getting her back.
“No, I’m not doing it tonight,” she said.
She looked around and Jane gave her space. He hung back with his hands in his pockets and tried not to stare. This was different than when they’d found her in the recovery center before…she was still Lisbon…she didn’t remember everything (and especially not him at first) but her attitude was still Lisbon. Now…she was like a fragment of her. He didn’t like it. But at that moment, he couldn’t do anything about it but be there for her.
“Okay,” he said almost inaudibly.
“You don’t have to worry, Jane,” she said and turned to face him.
“I just don’t want to lose you again,” he told her honestly. It wasn’t just Red John taking her away that worried him; it was her not coming back to him. It was Lisbon not being Lisbon anymore. And if that happened, Jane would know that it was because of him. Because of the choice he made. Because he hadn’t acted fast enough and hadn’t found her when he should have.
Lisbon took a few steps towards him. “I hate going to shrinks…but maybe it’ll be good for me,” she told him.
“I’m willing to listen if you want to talk about it,” Jane offered. “Just…offering…you don’t have to.” He didn’t want to push her. Jane desperately wanted to hold her and rub her back. To feel her in his arms and to let her know that everything was okay, but at the same time he worried about scaring her. He didn’t want to do that. So, he took a seat and just wanted. He waited on her to make the first move.
“Why do I think that if I do tell you that you’re just going to blame yourself?” she asked as she sat down next to him.
Jane shrugged. “Probably because you’re right.” He couldn’t help it. He held himself responsible just as he continued to hold himself responsible for the brutal and senseless deaths of his wife and daughter. “Probably because I love you.”
Her head fell on his shoulder and they just sat there. “My nose isn’t broken…he really didn’t hurt me… I’ve been hurt far more before,” she told him.
“Did he…?” Jane asked. She’d been made to be checked out at the hospital in Idaho, but the doctors wouldn’t tell him anything. Mainly because Hightower had been there too and whenever he’d start to convince them that he was related, Hightower would burst his bubble. He would really need to work on training her in some minor way.
“No,” she said as she shook her head against his shoulder. “You got there before he could do anything. I just…I couldn’t let him dispose of me and leave Kaydance in who knows who’s hands.”
“You’re a good mom,” Jane said. “I could see that.”
“I’m not really a mom…”
“You’re a woman…and it’s obvious to everyone who was there that you’ve been a mom to that little girl for a while. She adores you and you did nothing but look out for her through loving her, taking care of her, and protecting her,” Jane told her. “One day, you’re going to have kids of your own and be a fantastic mom.”
“Not sure about that one,” she said.
He could hear the smile in her voice and it made him smile. “Do you want me to stay?” he asked. He’d leave if she asked, though he’d probably stay in his car to make sure that she was okay. Jane really couldn’t bring himself to move too far away from her.
“I’d rather you stay tonight…if you wouldn’t mind,” Lisbon responded. She didn’t move her head. “Simon was kind to me, Jane. He’s just a sad man. He lost his wife…she was pregnant at the time. He just doesn’t seem to have every recovered from it. So, he was trying to recreate it.”
Jane just listened. He knew he could relate to the pain that Simon Callahan had been going through, but he’d tried to move on. Perhaps before…when he’d first lost them he’d maybe have done something similar if he hadn’t committed himself. He wondered then if perhaps Red John had used Mrs. Callahan as a test victim…and had been making amends for killing his wife years before. Jane hated to think that Red John actually knew the difference between right and wrong since it didn’t seem like he knew it.
“I was scared, Jane. I think that’s the most scared I’ve been in my life…” she told him. “I thought that I’d have to live there forever. I felt like I was dying inside.”
He hated that she was so miserable. He supposed that it could have all been much worse. That Simon could have hurt her and raped her and when they found her they’d only have found a broken shell. But Lisbon was stronger than that. She was strong and he knew that she just needed to find her place back in their world once again. He could understand how that could be confusing and scary.
“I’m glad to be back,” Lisbon told him. “Not because I’m home or because Hightower gave me back my job, but because I’m here with you.”
Jane moved his arm so that it was around her, holding her close. He allowed his head to move the short distance so that his head was resting against hers on his shoulder. “I missed my best friend,” he whispered to her. And he had. As much as he had thought about separating himself from the team, he found himself unable to push them all away…at least not for long. Lisbon had been there for him for years. She’d allowed his crazy antics and had tolerated him. She’d been there with him through everything. She was always there for him. “Merry Christmas, Teresa,” he whispered.
“Merry Christmas, Patrick,” she echoed quietly.
He didn’t have a tree, he didn’t have decorations, and he didn’t have presents to give to her. He’d gotten presents for everyone in the team to hand out at the party except Lisbon. He didn’t know what to get her. He didn’t know how she’d react when they finally got to her. But this was the best gift he’d gotten. And this was honestly the best Christmas he’d had in a long time. But so far they seemed okay and he was starting to see that what she needed…what they both needed was just time. Slowly, she was starting to sound like the Lisbon he remembered. She just had to relax and remember where she was. That she was safe.
Safe.
He’d keep her safe.
He’d be there for her.
He’d try to be as un-difficult as possible.
Possible being the key word there. They still needed to do their jobs. They needed to solve cases. So, he may have to still use his unconventional ways of doing things, but he’d make sure that she had a heads up. Or at least he’d try to.
She pulled his arm so that it was tightly pulled against her. So that he was holding her snugly. He stared down at her and just smiled. This was truly the best Christmas he’d had in quite some time. They sat like that there on Lisbon’s couch for a long time, listening to the rain that had begun to pour outside. It was the closest thing that they’d probably get to snow unless the temperature lowered a bit more.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.”
And he did.
And he would.
He’d love her and keep her safe. Her heart, her mind, her body, and her soul.
…
The End.