"Red Window" - Chapter 10
Title: Red Window
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: R (to be safe)
Summary: Sequel to “Suffering is the Best Punishment”. With Lisbon gone, Jane leaves CBI to set out to find her and to kill Red John. He won’t let Red John kill his family again.
Warning: adult themes
Chapter 10 - “Give me Strength”
Author’s Note: Okay, just an FYI to anyone who actually reads my notes. The next several chapters are going to be a lot slower. There were a lot of “a week has passed” in previous chapters, but the next chapters are going to probably be painfully slow as far as action goes, but that doesn’t mean that they’ll be boring ;) Just the best way to do them I think!
Suffering is the Best Punsihment Trailer - http://www.megavideo.com/?v=Q581AW2H
............................
“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”
- Anonymous
Ketchum, ID
Lisbon felt fear rise up in her as Simon pulled her by the arm and hauled her across the property. She hadn’t even had time to get into boots or a proper jacket. She was in converse shoes and had on jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. She didn’t know how cold it was outside; all she knew was that there was a good layer of snow, which was now permeating the thin canvas of her shoes.
What was Simon going to do? If he did something to her, then who would be there to protect Kaydance?
The team was coming, she reminded herself.
Jane was coming.
She wasn’t going to be there for much longer.
The elusive barn came into sight. It was far at the back of the property. Well, not at the very back, but far enough that you couldn’t see it from the proper house. A hill of snow obstructed it from vision. Which only worried her further. What was Simon planning?
“Simon-“ she started.
He threw open the barn door and pushed her in. Lisbon fell to the ground; she’d lost her balance and hadn’t been able to recover her footing. She just stared up at him for a moment. He seemed irritated but she didn’t think he seemed angry. Lisbon scooted back for a moment and then when he just stood there, she stood.
“People are coming,” he said and held up two small remotes. They were both labeled. One said ‘Teresa’ and the other was labeled ‘Katie’. “Now, you and Katie are going to stay in here for as long as it takes for them to leave, do you understand?”
Lisbon nodded.
“If you make a sound, then I’ll push the button,” he said.
And he did.
She fell to the ground as the pain coursed through her.
“If you try to escape, I’ll push the button,” he said.
And he did.
She panted and tried to breathe through the pain.
“If you do anything suspicious, I’ll push the button,” he said.
And he did.
And Lisbon felt like her whole leg was burning and that the rest of her body was tingling with residual pain.
“But if I push the button next time,” he warned as he leaned down over her. “It’s going to be both buttons. You don’t want our daughter to suffer do you?” he asked.
Lisbon shook her head. She lay there quiet as she waited for the pain to subside.
“I’ll be right back with Katie. When I get back at her you’ll explain that it’s a game,” Simon said before leaving.
Tears fell from her eyes and she shivered. Shivered from the cold, but also from the tingly of the pain. She would have to protect Kaydance. She had to. She eventually pulled herself up to a sitting position and wiped her face. Her hands were cold and she feared that she’d be frozen by the time Simon came back for them. Her feet were already soaked from walking through the snow.
Minutes later, the door opened again and Kaydance came running in. Lisbon was thankful for the fact that the little girl was completely bundled up. A moment later, Simon entered and threw her jacket, gloves, hat, and scarf at her. He slammed the door shut and Lisbon heard it being latched. They were locked in.
“Daddy said we’re playing a game,” Kaydance said with enthusiasm.
She hated that he’d played on the little girl’s weak relationship with her parents. Lisbon didn’t waste any time. She retrieved her warm items and put them on. It didn’t help her now freezing feet, but everything else was warmer, so that was a plus.
“I guess we are,” she said, more to herself than to Kaydance. “We’re going to hide out in here and be absolutely quiet, okay?” she said. Lisbon looked around. The barn had a loft area. She wondered if there was some kind of window or opening, so that she could see if anyone was coming their way. Turning to Kaydance, she crouched down. “I’m going to see if there’s a good spot up there,” she said pointing to the loft. “Right now, I need you to stay down here until I know it’s safe, okay?”
Kaydance nodded.
“Good,” she said with a smile and kissed her forehead. “I’ll try to be quick.” Lisbon tested the ladder for a moment before putting her full weight on it and then climbing it. Once she was at the top, she looked around. She didn’t see anything useful, but she climbed so that she was fully into the loft area. It seemed stable enough. She moved towards the wall and checked it for holes. Even if it was a small one, she just needed to be able to peek outside.
She finally found one. Just enough to see out of. She ventured back down the ladder and instructed Kaydance to start up first. Lisbon climbed closely behind her just in case she slipped, she’d be there. They sat up in the loft in silence. Every few minutes, Lisbon would peek through the small hole. So far all she could see was snow.
Snow was not helpful.
Snow was only cold, solitary, and isolating.
Snow was not her team.
Snow was not Jane.
Snow meant that they were still there alone with just Simon.
Lisbon frowned deeply. She felt frustration and anger building up in her. She knew the consequences if she left or made noise and signaled any rescuers…she couldn’t do that to Kaydance. Even though if there were rescuers they’d take care of Simon, but Kaydance would still have that scarring for the rest of her life. Lisbon wouldn’t do that to her.
She wished she had a watch. Time seemed to crawl by…or maybe it was speeding and she just didn’t realize how much time had passed? It seemed like they were out in that barn for the whole day. Her feet were freezing and she was thankful that that was the only part of her body that was.
Closing her eyes, she held onto her cross and prayed again. It gave her some strength to do that. To remember her faith. To trust in it. To have faith. It was hard, but at the same time it was comforting.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” Kaydance asked.
Lisbon opened her eyes. There was something that felt so right about the little girl calling her that, but at the same time she knew that there would be repercussions later. She didn’t want her to be confused when they finally got back home and she’d have to return to the senator and his wife. “I’m praying,” she said quietly.
“Why are you praying?”
“Because I’m hoping that God will somehow help us get home.”
Kaydance frowned.
“What’s wrong?” Lisbon asked.
“I like you as my mommy,” Kaydance said. “Simon is sometimes a good Daddy.”
She looked like she was going to cry. Lisbon pulled her into her arms and held her against her chest. “I know this is hard and confusing,” she said quietly, feeling herself coming close to tears as well. “Your parents love you, Kaydance. They may not know how to be the kind of parents you’d want…but we can have a talk to them about that when we’re home, okay?”
“Can I still see you?” Kaydance asked as she lifted her head so she could see Lisbon’s face.
She saw the tears in the girl’s eyes and fought to keep her at bay too. Lisbon nodded and stroked her hair. “And you can call me anytime. Things will be okay, you’ll see.”
“’kay,” the girl said and hugged her tightly.
…
Kaydance had cried herself to sleep and Lisbon had worried that it was too cold. She’d check key places to make sure that her body was still warm. Soon though, she heard footsteps and when she’d peeked outside, she’d seen that it was Simon. Just Simon. Today wasn’t her miracle day. Though, today she and Kaydance were safe for the first half of the day. That was something.
She heard the rustling at the door as he unlocked it, but she didn’t move. She didn’t want to start down the ladder with Kaydance until she knew someone was there in case she slipped. She waited as the doors opened and then she moved so that Simon could see them. Lisbon didn’t need him to be angry or to start to freak out just because he couldn’t locate them. “It was warmer up here,” she said. “Heat rises and all that.”
Lisbon wasn’t sure if he bought it or not, but she was careful to move Kaydance so that most of her weight was on Lisbon’s shoulder. She got onto the ladder carefully and then began down. When she got down, Simon took her. “I should probably put her in a warm bath really quick, just to make sure she’s warm enough all over.”
“That’ll wake her up,” Simon said.
“Better to wake her up and put her back to sleep than her getting sick,” she pointed out.
“You’re her mother, so I’ll defer to you on this,” he said as he started out of the barn.
It was a compromise, but it still broke her heart to try to keep herself from thinking that she was Kaydance’s mother. She kept having to remind herself that it was a lie. It hurt. Maybe this was how people developed Stockholm’s. But she had to admit that she thought that what Simon was doing was crueler. He was not only affecting her, but affecting Kaydance as well. And maybe she was a better mother to Kaydance than Mrs. Millary, but Simon couldn’t be said to be better than Senator Millary. No, the girl deserved two parents who loved her and could take care of her. She’d just have to remind them of how special their daughter was when they saw them.
So, she took the steps to wake the little girl just enough so that she could bathe her. She had requested that Simon retrieve pajamas and such for Kaydance, that way she could dry her and dry her hair and put her right into dry clothes without her getting chilled again. Lisbon found herself easily accomplishing the task. It wasn’t difficult, but…she wasn’t the girl’s mother. She wasn’t a mother. She didn’t know really how to care for a little girl. Yes, she’d helped to raise her brothers, but this was different.
She dressed her and then brushed out the now dry hair. She’d already brushed it several times during the process, but she just wanted to make sure all the knots were out. Lisbon took the time to braid her hair before finally carrying her to bed. She’d fallen asleep while Lisbon braided, which had made it a bit harder, but it had been done. Scooping Kaydance up, Lisbon held her close as she carried her to her room. She tucked her in and then headed across the hall to her room.
“Teresa,” Simon said.
Lisbon stopped mid-hall to look in his direction. She was exhausted and cold and her feet still felt wet. “What Simon?” she asked, not masking her irritation. It had already been a long day and they hadn’t even had lunch or dinner… It felt like midnight to her as far as she was concerned. The clocks were wrong.
“You did a good job. You know you’re a natural mother,” he told her.
He seemed genuine and honest enough, but she knew that Simon had more than one side. “Thanks,” she said before heading into her room to retrieve her own pajamas. She’d take a hot shower and let the heat soak into her for a while. It would help to thaw out her feet. It would help her relax and she’d probably sleep in turn once she was out and dried and dressed.
Lisbon didn’t say anything to him when she re-emerged from her bedroom. Instead, she headed right for the bathroom and locked the door behind her. At least she could have privacy in there. Of course, Simon had the key, but she doubted he’d bother her today. Not after she obeyed him and had stayed in the barn.
She turned on the water onto what she normally would set it on and stripped down. She removed the frozen socks and shoes and looked at her poor feet. She’d never considered frostbite, but her feet weren’t the pink that the rest of her body was. She could move them, so she figured she was okay. Lisbon stepped into the shower and the coldest parts of her body screamed at the warm water. She turned it up so that it was hotter and allowed her body to soak in the heat and allowed the tears she’d been holding to fall.
Lisbon had wanted strength, but she didn’t know if she had enough or if she could bear to be strong. She felt weak and lost. She felt useless and vulnerable. She didn’t like feeling like that. She didn’t like not having control. She let the tears fall and let her sobs ring out. She knew that the sound of the shower would buffer out any sounds.
Crumbled, she sat in the bottom of the bathtub/shower. She tried to let her pain and anger drain from her body through her tears and her sobs. But she could feel her strength wavering as well, the little she had left, it felt like it was melting away from her body and flowing down the drain. Lisbon felt like she was losing herself. Like none of it mattered anymore. She didn’t feel like Teresa Lisbon. She felt like a shell. Empty. Lifeless. Broken.
She felt stupid.
She felt like she’d let everyone down.
She felt…she felt her hope in her wish for a miracle dissipating.
She tried to cling to it.
To hope.
To the possibility of a miracle.
To her team.
To Jane.
She felt it slipping and it only made things harder. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and just held herself under the hot water. “They’re coming,” she whispered to herself. “Jane’s coming,” she told herself. Lisbon rocked herself and closed her eyes and repeated those thoughts in her brain.
…
She had hoped to find solace in her room. To be able to sleep and dream the pain away. To just sleep. To be alone. But her thoughts haunted her. Everything seemed to haunt her. There were no calendars at the house. She’d lost track of the day and how long she’d been there. How long Simon had had her. How long she’d been gone. She knew it had been more than a month… Was Simon even telling her the truth about how close it was to Christmas? She didn’t know what she could trust when it came to time.
Her mind raced, going over every single clue she’d left. She went over all the times she could have escaped. She could have endured the pain of the shock anklet if it meant that she’d be home. Why didn’t she? Why had she been so weak? Why had she put up with Simon?
Why hadn’t Red John let her die?
Fresh tears sprung from her eyes and she turned her attention to the window. The red paned window. It was snowing again. She wished to see a face there. But there was nothing. Nothing but the snow. She heard a voice. Familiar. Haunting.
“Just hold on a little longer.”
It sounded like Jane and she found herself looking around furiously for him. She was distressed, but also relieved by the voice. But when she realized that he wasn’t there, fear further set in. She’d been there so long that she was starting to hallucinate. Great. That was just what she needed. Maybe it was low blood sugar? Maybe it was her time in the cold? Maybe it was just her exhaustion taking her over? Whatever it was, it made her question whether or not she should continue hoping.
What if no one ever found her and Kaydance?
What if this was the life that she needed to accept?
What if there was simply nothing else to do?
Hope?
“Give me strength, Jane,” she whispered to the window and then closed her eyes and tried to sleep. The notion of it was easier to handle than trying to think anymore. Her mind only brought pain to her and she was done with pain right now. She needed the silent darkness of sleep. The silence brought her some comfort.
…
TBC…
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: R (to be safe)
Summary: Sequel to “Suffering is the Best Punishment”. With Lisbon gone, Jane leaves CBI to set out to find her and to kill Red John. He won’t let Red John kill his family again.
Warning: adult themes
Chapter 10 - “Give me Strength”
Author’s Note: Okay, just an FYI to anyone who actually reads my notes. The next several chapters are going to be a lot slower. There were a lot of “a week has passed” in previous chapters, but the next chapters are going to probably be painfully slow as far as action goes, but that doesn’t mean that they’ll be boring ;) Just the best way to do them I think!
Suffering is the Best Punsihment Trailer - http://www.megavideo.com/?v=Q581AW2H
............................
“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”
- Anonymous
Ketchum, ID
Lisbon felt fear rise up in her as Simon pulled her by the arm and hauled her across the property. She hadn’t even had time to get into boots or a proper jacket. She was in converse shoes and had on jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. She didn’t know how cold it was outside; all she knew was that there was a good layer of snow, which was now permeating the thin canvas of her shoes.
What was Simon going to do? If he did something to her, then who would be there to protect Kaydance?
The team was coming, she reminded herself.
Jane was coming.
She wasn’t going to be there for much longer.
The elusive barn came into sight. It was far at the back of the property. Well, not at the very back, but far enough that you couldn’t see it from the proper house. A hill of snow obstructed it from vision. Which only worried her further. What was Simon planning?
“Simon-“ she started.
He threw open the barn door and pushed her in. Lisbon fell to the ground; she’d lost her balance and hadn’t been able to recover her footing. She just stared up at him for a moment. He seemed irritated but she didn’t think he seemed angry. Lisbon scooted back for a moment and then when he just stood there, she stood.
“People are coming,” he said and held up two small remotes. They were both labeled. One said ‘Teresa’ and the other was labeled ‘Katie’. “Now, you and Katie are going to stay in here for as long as it takes for them to leave, do you understand?”
Lisbon nodded.
“If you make a sound, then I’ll push the button,” he said.
And he did.
She fell to the ground as the pain coursed through her.
“If you try to escape, I’ll push the button,” he said.
And he did.
She panted and tried to breathe through the pain.
“If you do anything suspicious, I’ll push the button,” he said.
And he did.
And Lisbon felt like her whole leg was burning and that the rest of her body was tingling with residual pain.
“But if I push the button next time,” he warned as he leaned down over her. “It’s going to be both buttons. You don’t want our daughter to suffer do you?” he asked.
Lisbon shook her head. She lay there quiet as she waited for the pain to subside.
“I’ll be right back with Katie. When I get back at her you’ll explain that it’s a game,” Simon said before leaving.
Tears fell from her eyes and she shivered. Shivered from the cold, but also from the tingly of the pain. She would have to protect Kaydance. She had to. She eventually pulled herself up to a sitting position and wiped her face. Her hands were cold and she feared that she’d be frozen by the time Simon came back for them. Her feet were already soaked from walking through the snow.
Minutes later, the door opened again and Kaydance came running in. Lisbon was thankful for the fact that the little girl was completely bundled up. A moment later, Simon entered and threw her jacket, gloves, hat, and scarf at her. He slammed the door shut and Lisbon heard it being latched. They were locked in.
“Daddy said we’re playing a game,” Kaydance said with enthusiasm.
She hated that he’d played on the little girl’s weak relationship with her parents. Lisbon didn’t waste any time. She retrieved her warm items and put them on. It didn’t help her now freezing feet, but everything else was warmer, so that was a plus.
“I guess we are,” she said, more to herself than to Kaydance. “We’re going to hide out in here and be absolutely quiet, okay?” she said. Lisbon looked around. The barn had a loft area. She wondered if there was some kind of window or opening, so that she could see if anyone was coming their way. Turning to Kaydance, she crouched down. “I’m going to see if there’s a good spot up there,” she said pointing to the loft. “Right now, I need you to stay down here until I know it’s safe, okay?”
Kaydance nodded.
“Good,” she said with a smile and kissed her forehead. “I’ll try to be quick.” Lisbon tested the ladder for a moment before putting her full weight on it and then climbing it. Once she was at the top, she looked around. She didn’t see anything useful, but she climbed so that she was fully into the loft area. It seemed stable enough. She moved towards the wall and checked it for holes. Even if it was a small one, she just needed to be able to peek outside.
She finally found one. Just enough to see out of. She ventured back down the ladder and instructed Kaydance to start up first. Lisbon climbed closely behind her just in case she slipped, she’d be there. They sat up in the loft in silence. Every few minutes, Lisbon would peek through the small hole. So far all she could see was snow.
Snow was not helpful.
Snow was only cold, solitary, and isolating.
Snow was not her team.
Snow was not Jane.
Snow meant that they were still there alone with just Simon.
Lisbon frowned deeply. She felt frustration and anger building up in her. She knew the consequences if she left or made noise and signaled any rescuers…she couldn’t do that to Kaydance. Even though if there were rescuers they’d take care of Simon, but Kaydance would still have that scarring for the rest of her life. Lisbon wouldn’t do that to her.
She wished she had a watch. Time seemed to crawl by…or maybe it was speeding and she just didn’t realize how much time had passed? It seemed like they were out in that barn for the whole day. Her feet were freezing and she was thankful that that was the only part of her body that was.
Closing her eyes, she held onto her cross and prayed again. It gave her some strength to do that. To remember her faith. To trust in it. To have faith. It was hard, but at the same time it was comforting.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” Kaydance asked.
Lisbon opened her eyes. There was something that felt so right about the little girl calling her that, but at the same time she knew that there would be repercussions later. She didn’t want her to be confused when they finally got back home and she’d have to return to the senator and his wife. “I’m praying,” she said quietly.
“Why are you praying?”
“Because I’m hoping that God will somehow help us get home.”
Kaydance frowned.
“What’s wrong?” Lisbon asked.
“I like you as my mommy,” Kaydance said. “Simon is sometimes a good Daddy.”
She looked like she was going to cry. Lisbon pulled her into her arms and held her against her chest. “I know this is hard and confusing,” she said quietly, feeling herself coming close to tears as well. “Your parents love you, Kaydance. They may not know how to be the kind of parents you’d want…but we can have a talk to them about that when we’re home, okay?”
“Can I still see you?” Kaydance asked as she lifted her head so she could see Lisbon’s face.
She saw the tears in the girl’s eyes and fought to keep her at bay too. Lisbon nodded and stroked her hair. “And you can call me anytime. Things will be okay, you’ll see.”
“’kay,” the girl said and hugged her tightly.
…
Kaydance had cried herself to sleep and Lisbon had worried that it was too cold. She’d check key places to make sure that her body was still warm. Soon though, she heard footsteps and when she’d peeked outside, she’d seen that it was Simon. Just Simon. Today wasn’t her miracle day. Though, today she and Kaydance were safe for the first half of the day. That was something.
She heard the rustling at the door as he unlocked it, but she didn’t move. She didn’t want to start down the ladder with Kaydance until she knew someone was there in case she slipped. She waited as the doors opened and then she moved so that Simon could see them. Lisbon didn’t need him to be angry or to start to freak out just because he couldn’t locate them. “It was warmer up here,” she said. “Heat rises and all that.”
Lisbon wasn’t sure if he bought it or not, but she was careful to move Kaydance so that most of her weight was on Lisbon’s shoulder. She got onto the ladder carefully and then began down. When she got down, Simon took her. “I should probably put her in a warm bath really quick, just to make sure she’s warm enough all over.”
“That’ll wake her up,” Simon said.
“Better to wake her up and put her back to sleep than her getting sick,” she pointed out.
“You’re her mother, so I’ll defer to you on this,” he said as he started out of the barn.
It was a compromise, but it still broke her heart to try to keep herself from thinking that she was Kaydance’s mother. She kept having to remind herself that it was a lie. It hurt. Maybe this was how people developed Stockholm’s. But she had to admit that she thought that what Simon was doing was crueler. He was not only affecting her, but affecting Kaydance as well. And maybe she was a better mother to Kaydance than Mrs. Millary, but Simon couldn’t be said to be better than Senator Millary. No, the girl deserved two parents who loved her and could take care of her. She’d just have to remind them of how special their daughter was when they saw them.
So, she took the steps to wake the little girl just enough so that she could bathe her. She had requested that Simon retrieve pajamas and such for Kaydance, that way she could dry her and dry her hair and put her right into dry clothes without her getting chilled again. Lisbon found herself easily accomplishing the task. It wasn’t difficult, but…she wasn’t the girl’s mother. She wasn’t a mother. She didn’t know really how to care for a little girl. Yes, she’d helped to raise her brothers, but this was different.
She dressed her and then brushed out the now dry hair. She’d already brushed it several times during the process, but she just wanted to make sure all the knots were out. Lisbon took the time to braid her hair before finally carrying her to bed. She’d fallen asleep while Lisbon braided, which had made it a bit harder, but it had been done. Scooping Kaydance up, Lisbon held her close as she carried her to her room. She tucked her in and then headed across the hall to her room.
“Teresa,” Simon said.
Lisbon stopped mid-hall to look in his direction. She was exhausted and cold and her feet still felt wet. “What Simon?” she asked, not masking her irritation. It had already been a long day and they hadn’t even had lunch or dinner… It felt like midnight to her as far as she was concerned. The clocks were wrong.
“You did a good job. You know you’re a natural mother,” he told her.
He seemed genuine and honest enough, but she knew that Simon had more than one side. “Thanks,” she said before heading into her room to retrieve her own pajamas. She’d take a hot shower and let the heat soak into her for a while. It would help to thaw out her feet. It would help her relax and she’d probably sleep in turn once she was out and dried and dressed.
Lisbon didn’t say anything to him when she re-emerged from her bedroom. Instead, she headed right for the bathroom and locked the door behind her. At least she could have privacy in there. Of course, Simon had the key, but she doubted he’d bother her today. Not after she obeyed him and had stayed in the barn.
She turned on the water onto what she normally would set it on and stripped down. She removed the frozen socks and shoes and looked at her poor feet. She’d never considered frostbite, but her feet weren’t the pink that the rest of her body was. She could move them, so she figured she was okay. Lisbon stepped into the shower and the coldest parts of her body screamed at the warm water. She turned it up so that it was hotter and allowed her body to soak in the heat and allowed the tears she’d been holding to fall.
Lisbon had wanted strength, but she didn’t know if she had enough or if she could bear to be strong. She felt weak and lost. She felt useless and vulnerable. She didn’t like feeling like that. She didn’t like not having control. She let the tears fall and let her sobs ring out. She knew that the sound of the shower would buffer out any sounds.
Crumbled, she sat in the bottom of the bathtub/shower. She tried to let her pain and anger drain from her body through her tears and her sobs. But she could feel her strength wavering as well, the little she had left, it felt like it was melting away from her body and flowing down the drain. Lisbon felt like she was losing herself. Like none of it mattered anymore. She didn’t feel like Teresa Lisbon. She felt like a shell. Empty. Lifeless. Broken.
She felt stupid.
She felt like she’d let everyone down.
She felt…she felt her hope in her wish for a miracle dissipating.
She tried to cling to it.
To hope.
To the possibility of a miracle.
To her team.
To Jane.
She felt it slipping and it only made things harder. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and just held herself under the hot water. “They’re coming,” she whispered to herself. “Jane’s coming,” she told herself. Lisbon rocked herself and closed her eyes and repeated those thoughts in her brain.
…
She had hoped to find solace in her room. To be able to sleep and dream the pain away. To just sleep. To be alone. But her thoughts haunted her. Everything seemed to haunt her. There were no calendars at the house. She’d lost track of the day and how long she’d been there. How long Simon had had her. How long she’d been gone. She knew it had been more than a month… Was Simon even telling her the truth about how close it was to Christmas? She didn’t know what she could trust when it came to time.
Her mind raced, going over every single clue she’d left. She went over all the times she could have escaped. She could have endured the pain of the shock anklet if it meant that she’d be home. Why didn’t she? Why had she been so weak? Why had she put up with Simon?
Why hadn’t Red John let her die?
Fresh tears sprung from her eyes and she turned her attention to the window. The red paned window. It was snowing again. She wished to see a face there. But there was nothing. Nothing but the snow. She heard a voice. Familiar. Haunting.
“Just hold on a little longer.”
It sounded like Jane and she found herself looking around furiously for him. She was distressed, but also relieved by the voice. But when she realized that he wasn’t there, fear further set in. She’d been there so long that she was starting to hallucinate. Great. That was just what she needed. Maybe it was low blood sugar? Maybe it was her time in the cold? Maybe it was just her exhaustion taking her over? Whatever it was, it made her question whether or not she should continue hoping.
What if no one ever found her and Kaydance?
What if this was the life that she needed to accept?
What if there was simply nothing else to do?
Hope?
“Give me strength, Jane,” she whispered to the window and then closed her eyes and tried to sleep. The notion of it was easier to handle than trying to think anymore. Her mind only brought pain to her and she was done with pain right now. She needed the silent darkness of sleep. The silence brought her some comfort.
…
TBC…