A few things you might change, but don't strictly need to: You mention her legs as her main weapon twice; you might either remove the second time or make it more obviously an intentional repeat, like, "Her legs get their attention first, the way they got mine." I'm not sure why there are "more looks than she meant to" get. Rephrase the sentence? You could tighten up the fight; make it more obvious what is happening between the woman and the narrator during the action, make the action itself smoother. Her eyes are two "skyes"? Perhaps "her eyes are glowing like the night skies" or "her eyes are two pieces of shining night sky"? You know how hard it is to break a real glass bottle. Why not do something more realistic there?
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A few things you might change, but don't strictly need to:
You mention her legs as her main weapon twice; you might either remove the second time or make it more obviously an intentional repeat, like, "Her legs get their attention first, the way they got mine."
I'm not sure why there are "more looks than she meant to" get. Rephrase the sentence?
You could tighten up the fight; make it more obvious what is happening between the woman and the narrator during the action, make the action itself smoother.
Her eyes are two "skyes"? Perhaps "her eyes are glowing like the night skies" or "her eyes are two pieces of shining night sky"?
You know how hard it is to break a real glass bottle. Why not do something more realistic there?
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