Prose: Minor Chord

[shadowenmagic]

Title: Minor Chord
Rating: R (language, mild violence, reference to drug use)
Summary: One event, told three ways.
A/N: Finally finished. 7800 words. Special thanks to stardustandsand for talking me through every step of the way.

Comments

[clarediva]

I liked this... and I'm sorry it took me until #3 to comment! ^_^ I liked the 3-way view, and the characters each had their chance to come alive. I think it all came together with this last part, actually. You described the tension well, and the anguish and the excitement of young men (sorry, not that I *am* one! but I'm surrounded by them). The violence and aggression was very vivid, too. There were some very evocative paragraphs where you described their feelings, confused but fierce.

I quite liked the language, obviously written to reflect their speech, and it's very evocative of London teenagers (where I'm based)- realistic and witty in a street-sense. The only (small) problem I had was that the style was distracting sometimes, particularly in the narrative rather than conversation, and not consistent (e.g. you sometimes used an', sometimes not). It wasn't definitive enough between the 3 men, for the reader to know without doubt who was speaking. But it didn't stop me reading!

He coughed. I held him still, and a fine

[shadowenmagic]

Thank you so much!