I like your points about terms like "sister" (or brother, or bro, etc). Maybe I'm overly sensitive; I don't even like to be called sister by strangers ("do I know you?"). I don't like the forced intimacy of it. However, I can definitely see where it probably does not bother most people. After all, "sister" is a term that unequivocally implies respect, in addition to familiarity, where "honey" or "sweetie" are things you'd call an insolent child, so are demeaning by default, regardless if they're meant affectionately or not.
So I guess there are a few things at work here: 1. Forced intimacy or familiarity (applicable to sister and brother as well as pet names like honey) and 2. disrespect or dismissal irrespective of affection or lack thereof (honey, darling, and their ilk). Actual intentions behind the names vary by geography and culture as well as an individual's ability to recognize the personal boundaries of others and abide by them.
I certainly don't think you're being over sensitive. That kind of uninvited familiarity can be extremely off-putting, even in the most comfortable situation and with the best intentions. And I definitely think there are cultural factors influencing this kind of exchange,too. I'm from the south eastern US (grew up and live in Mississippi) where the "kindness of strangers", as it were, is generally taken as a matter of course. Southerners are notoriously friendly... and notoriously pushy.
In this specific instance, the young man I mentioned came into the restaurant probably every other week during the two years that I worked there, often at off times so that there was no crowd and my interactions with him were relaxed and less rushed than they might have been otherwise. It's possible that a degree of actual familiarity developed that made me respond more positively to his assumed familiarity. (He was also, and I'm not sure how relevant this is, really cute, and obviously well educated.) So, I think that context can also be a major
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Really nice entry! It had geekiness, pretty picture, Psych, sociology, and it also reminded me of Hunger Games (in which, have you not read it, a patronizing drunk dude repeatedly calls the heroine "sweetheart"). At the library we tend to call our little patrons things like "sweetie." Regardless of gender and usually in tandem with admonishment, i.e., "Ooh, don't push the power button, sweetie. Thank you!"
Welcome to my brain! It's fully of pretty things, academia, and myriad geekery.
I think it's generally ok to use those terms for kids, but that's also why it's so offensive to use them for adult women. It's putting women in the same position of social power as children, which, for all intents and purposes, is approximately zero.
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I like your points about terms like "sister" (or brother, or bro, etc). Maybe I'm overly sensitive; I don't even like to be called sister by strangers ("do I know you?"). I don't like the forced intimacy of it. However, I can definitely see where it probably does not bother most people. After all, "sister" is a term that unequivocally implies respect, in addition to familiarity, where "honey" or "sweetie" are things you'd call an insolent child, so are demeaning by default, regardless if they're meant affectionately or not.
So I guess there are a few things at work here: 1. Forced intimacy or familiarity (applicable to sister and brother as well as pet names like honey) and 2. disrespect or dismissal irrespective of affection or lack thereof (honey, darling, and their ilk). Actual intentions behind the names vary by geography and culture as well as an individual's ability to recognize the personal boundaries of others and abide by them.
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In this specific instance, the young man I mentioned came into the restaurant probably every other week during the two years that I worked there, often at off times so that there was no crowd and my interactions with him were relaxed and less rushed than they might have been otherwise. It's possible that a degree of actual familiarity developed that made me respond more positively to his assumed familiarity. (He was also, and I'm not sure how relevant this is, really cute, and obviously well educated.) So, I think that context can also be a major ( ... )
Reply
At the library we tend to call our little patrons things like "sweetie." Regardless of gender and usually in tandem with admonishment, i.e., "Ooh, don't push the power button, sweetie. Thank you!"
Reply
I think it's generally ok to use those terms for kids, but that's also why it's so offensive to use them for adult women. It's putting women in the same position of social power as children, which, for all intents and purposes, is approximately zero.
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