Because sometimes you have to hurt...

[shadow_wolfess]

Something weird has happened to me just now. I wrote a poem in English o__O I mean, I used to write before, but in Russian only and it was quite long ago, since it didn't make sense to me anymore. I still find most of the things I wrote back then to be smelly crap. Can't say I am happy or satisfied about this one, I just felt like writing and I had

Comments

[shadow_wolfess]

Так плохо?)

[shadow_wolfess]

Ну значит точно не хорошо :Р

А я белые не могу. Вот чьи-то читать - нормально, а сама без рифмы не могу, не воспринимаю как стих тогда.

[rose_red_ghost]

I love the "I built a fort in a deserted bay" lyric.
You know, it's quite good and at least there it has a message or an idea attached to it. The usual stuff I read for reviewing (from my classmates or friends) are really pointless and seems written out of pure boredom, while yours gives us a clear image of what's in the poet's mind at that certain moment.
I usually have a little obsession with the rhythm of the poem, but you really got away with it and the repetition at the end of every stanza makes it more of a song ^^

[shadow_wolfess]

Eheheh, thaaanks ;) Maybe I am not that lousy afterall. I do fuck up the rhythm quite often though.

[suomigoth]

It's more like a lyric to me actually, but the lines really "flow" well, so it's very enjoyable to right. And right from the heart, that I can always appreciate.

[shadow_wolfess]

Thank you ;) It's really nice to hear something like this from a writer :*

[myskallic]

I'm sorry it took me so gosh darned long to read this! First I'll say that I really liked it, because that's my first reaction :) But now you'll want to know what I liked (I hate it when someone says their opinion but not why they have that opinion). Okay, the first big thing I really liked was the rhyming scheme and the structure of the poem, which remained consistent. The second thing I really liked is that none of the rhymes seemed forced and none of the lines seemed out of place. It flowed like a stream of consciousness from the heart that just happened to rhyme and have good structure ;)

[shadow_wolfess]

Wohoho, thanks ;) Still I am far not satisfied with it :(

And sorry, my damned connection fucked up again ;(