Comments | shadow_helos: Curious to understand Part 2

shadow_helos

Curious to understand Part 2

Dec 29, 2009 22:27

I returned home to a quiet dark church, blood slid a little further down my arm. "Damn weres!" I whispered in hopes of not waking Ivy, no need to worry her over a flesh wound. The sound of a door opening filled the church, too late the dead has been disturbed. "Rachel? Is that blood, are you okay?" Her voice was edging near panic, I paused for a ( Read more... )

hollows, kim harrison, rachel/ivy

Comments 2

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Re: lj cuts and links shadow_helos January 1 2010, 01:27:16 UTC

Thank you, you just helped a great deal. I owe you one

roarax January 8 2010, 03:18:28 UTC

Lets get you cleaned up, your a nasty, muddy, bloody absolutly filthy, sexy, wonderful smelling, Rachel Morgan.

This. Love it.
That's the best words I can utilize to describe the beauty of that sentence without sounding totally incoherent. The rest of the fic was well done as well, with your unique style of writing flowing from beginning to end. Characters were well done. Keep it up.

Note: WHY DO YOUR CHAPTERS ALWAYS END WITH ME SITTING ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT WANTING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!? This is cruelty.

On another note: You might want to start new paragraphs when another character speaks, just so the reader doesn't get mixed up with who says what. Mild spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, but I'm sure you can find them quite easily.