Title: In Fire, In Ice
Type: Ficmix, One Shot
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Words: 2968
After a separation from Nichkhun, Wooyoung’s life takes a turn he didn’t expect.
Author's note: This was done in a ficmix challenge, and I was lucky enough to get
dreamoscope as my remixee, so this was inspired by one of her really short drabbles. :D
Fandom: 2PM
Title: In Fire, In Ice
Rating: G
Pairing(s): Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Length: 2968
Summary: After a separation from Nichkhun, Wooyoung’s life takes a turn he didn’t expect.
Warnings: N/A
Notes: This is not-so-subtly inspired by a recent MV put out by the boys.
Remixee author: dreamoscope
Title of work you remixed: as ice
Link to work you remixed:
http://amidstwords.livejournal.com/4636.html “Hyung, don’t go!” With a lunge forward, Wooyoung seized Nichkhun’s hand upwards, clutching it tightly. Nichkhun turned back, looking forlornly into Wooyoung’s frantic pleading eyes, before he pulled him into a tight embrace.
The feeling of being engulfed into Nichkhun’s arms, the familiar smell on Nichhun’s neck, and the all too pressing realization that this could possibly be the last hug they would share in a long time urged the tears forth as Wooyoung broke down, clinging desperately on. His body shook with his sobs, as he clenched the back of Nichkhun’s jacket. “Don’t go, please...” he managed to breathe.
“I’m doing it for us, Wooyoung,” Nichkhun said, in that soft yet firm voice that spoke sincere determination. Wooyoung clutched Nichkhun tighter to himself, as if he wanted to relish every little thing about being together with him, before it was gone. Nichkhun reciprocated the hug, rubbing Wooyoung’s back. “I want to spend my life with you, but I want to give you a good life too. If I stay in this dingy little town, neither of us would get anywhere.”
“But I don’t want you to go...” Wooyoung choked, his voice breaking with his emotions.
“I’ll be back, all right?” Nichkhun broke the hug so he could look into Wooyoung’s tear-streaked face. He smiled gently, though mixed with sadness, as he kissed Wooyoung’s forehead. “I’ll be back because I love you so much, don’t forget that.”
The railway guards blew their whistle, signaling the last call for passengers to board the train. There was a sudden wave of heat from the waiting train at the platform, before it transited into the chilly breeze that cut into the back of Wooyoung’s neck. Nichkhun looked a little reluctantly at the clock on the train station wall, before he turned back and brushed his finger on Wooyoung’s cheek. “I’ll miss you,” he said sorrowfully, before he leaned in and kissed Wooyoung for one last time.
And then he was gone.
-------
5 years later.
Wooyoung walked into the room, where his father sat. The blasting music from the party outside softened significantly as he closed the door. He was dressed smartly in a simple black blazer and jeans, with his hair styled up in a classy up-do. Gone was the smiling carefree face, the casual messy hair of the teenager. Five years had done a lot to change the simple and happy country kid, into an emerging adult of the real world where ideals became silly and the hard realities of life, like money, mattered.
“It’s almost time, Wooyoung,” his father stated solemnly. Wooyoung’s face showed no change in its placid, stony expression. He stepped up to his father and stretched out his hand. His father placed a small box on his palm, an expensive looking box made of rich maroon velvet. Without a word, Wooyoung closed his hand around the box and made to leave. His father touched his shoulder affectedly. “Wooyoung, I...”
“You don’t need to say anything,” Wooyoung cut in, unable to keep the icy bitterness out of his voice. Time would heal all wounds, but not yet. After all, it wasn’t entirely his father’s fault. Circumstances had simply not been in their favour.
“Thank you,” his father finally croaked, in a voice of hesitant regret but also tinged with relief. There was really nothing else to be said, nothing else to be done. There was no other viable choice in the matter. Wooyoung had reconciled himself with this fact long ago.
Wooyoung slowly opened the box, feeling it swing open against his will on its hinges. Inside, resting snugly in the slit of a black silk cushion, was a luminous silver ring, intricately carved with small but elaborate designs. The band was made of top-quality silver and almost seemed to glow from within. As if frozen on top of it was a small but well-cut diamond that sparkled blindingly when it caught the light.
Wooyoung snapped the box close, his face unchanged.
“She’ll like it.”
-------
The cold night wind stung his cheeks as he walked out of the building, but Wooyoung was far too used to it to care. There was a small little garden adjoined to the building, though there was nothing much to admire in it in the middle of autumn. The trees were bare, and the abundance of summer was now only to be seen as dead or dying leaves on the ground. It was, however, the only reprieve that Wooyoung could have to himself right now for all of five minutes. It was the only time he had left before he had to plunge back into the party, and down a path from which escape was impossible.
The dry leaves made delicious crunching noises under his feet as he walked along the dry gravel pathway in the garden, aimlessly enjoying the solitude and the silence. He breathed in deeply, feeling the chill of the night air seep into his lungs and enjoying the sharpness of it. It reminded him how it really felt like to breathe again. Wooyoung bowed his head and closed his eyes. He could not deny that he was petrified of what lay ahead of him, but then that decision had not been his to make. Such thoughts as these were commonplace for him over the past year leading up to the present event. Following these thoughts came another train of feelings, stinging bitterness of the deepest kind. Emerging from the recesses of his mind, his internal thoughts continuously rioted against the raw hurt of broken contact and the aching hollowness of promises made. Time had certainly not healed this wound.
“Wooyoung,” came a sudden voice that made him jump out of his skin as he spun around on his heels.
Calling him from his bitter thoughts had been the cause of his bitterness in the first place. It was as if he had walked into a dream, one of many similar dreams that he had had for the past five years. One where he stood along a leafy corridor of trees, the night breeze rustling the golden leaves of the fallen foliage around them as he laid eyes once again on Nichkhun’s all too familiar smiling face.
For once in the whole night, Wooyoung’s face distorted into some type of emotion - he frowned in shocked confusion.
“Hyung…?” he whispered, not daring to believe his eyes.
“I told you I’d be back,” Nichkhun continued to smile at him. He was now dressed in a simple black jacket, his hair was longer now but otherwise he looked almost exactly the same as the way Wooyoung remembered him.
There was some silence as Wooyoung struggled to reconcile himself with the situation. He had rehearsed this conversation millions of times before in his waking fantasies, but as he should have expected, words failed him now. He wanted to throw himself into Nichkhun’s arms, he wanted to throw everything into the wind and pick up from where they had left off. What started as a pinprick of desire was now ballooning into a desperate urge to throw himself into Nichkhun’s arms. The temptation to go down this path was almost more than Wooyoung could bear, but he could not simply forget about the situation his family was in right now, nor the bitterness he had cultivated towards Nichkhun over the years. Time had passed, after all, and things were very different now.
“I think you’re back too late,” Wooyoung finally stated in the icy tone that was not unfamiliar to him now, when he had to pretend to feel things he didn’t. It was like he was hearing himself say these things from afar as he watched Nichkhun’s smile fade.
“Why?” Nichkhun asked simply, but the tone of his voice spoke volumes more.
Wooyoung looked away, unable to bring himself to meet the other’s eyes. How was he to answer this question? To relay all that had happened within his family since Nichkhun’s abrupt departure? The pressing circumstances under which the responsibility lay, perhaps unfairly, on him to deliver an escape for all his loved ones? What was the point of telling him all these, when he knew Nichkhun wouldn’t understand? He’d try and convince Wooyoung there must be another way out, and Wooyoung wasn’t sure he was up to resisting this tempting persuasion at that moment. He needed to get away from this, while he still retained some form of his rationality and before he sunk in too deeply into regrets.
“Because I moved on,” Wooyoung hissed through his teeth. The words felt like acid on his tongue as he spoke them. Nichkhun looked visibly taken aback, his eyes searching Wooyoung’s for hints of deception. But Wooyoung had gotten used to lying.
With a movement, Wooyoung made to walk past Nichkhun. He tried to give him as wide a berth as he could, as he wasn’t sure what being too close to him now would do to his senses. Already, Wooyoung could feel his resolution crumbling, and he needed to get out of his presence before he did something that could never be undone.
“Wooyoung-ah,” Nichkhun said, as he grabbed Wooyoung’s wrist. His touch felt as warm as fire branding his mark on Wooyoung’s skin.
“Is it because of me?” he said, choosing his words carefully and slowly, as they disappeared from his lips like wisps in the autumn air.
At this triggering question, a berserk urge raged through Wooyoung, to do several mindless things to Nichkhun. He wanted to slap him, punch him, kick him, but also to hug him, touch him and kiss him. He wanted to throw the past five years back into Nichkhun’s face and ask him for an explanation. But he did none of those. Rather, he only spared him a cold, withering glance, as he dropped his words sharp as icicles. “You’re not the only man in the universe.”
With a violent fling of his arm, Wooyoung ripped himself away from Nichkhun and walked away, careful to play his part to the end. He shook his head as if in disbelief at these wild assumptions, though in truth Nichkhun had hit closer to the target than he should know. Nichkhun made no effort to stop him, staring silently at his backview as Wooyoung made his way back into the building, wiping the tear that had irrepressibly streaked down his cheek.
But you’re the only one that has ever mattered, hyung.
-------
The crowd had fallen into a tense and nervous hush. You could cut the atmosphere in the room with a knife. Wooyoung could feel the heat from the stage lights beating on his cold skin as he stood next to her. She was presently looking at him in expectant surprise, as if she already knew what was going to happen. He couldn’t see him, but Wooyoung could feel his father’s presence in the shadows, looking on as if directing a movie.
“Will you marry me?” Wooyoung finally asked in a gentle but expressionless tone, as he slipped the box out of his pocket and opened it for the world to see. The ice-blue shine of the diamond sparkled as it reflected the stage light. There was a soft and suppressed sigh of admiration from the audience. The girl gasped and briefly contemplated the ring, before she nodded eagerly, joy spreading throughout her features as she looked up at Wooyoung.
The room burst into an explosive ruckus of cheers. The band hit up jolly wedding-type music, threatening to be drowned out by the roar of the audience’s applause. Wooyoung took the ring from the box and slipped it gently onto her finger as she blushed and held his hand. The applause continued as the hosts of the party began enthusiastically pronouncing them man and wife already. Wooyoung managed a small smile at his new fiancee before he looked into the audience. It was all dark and noisy silhouettes to him except for when the occasional neon light flashed across the bobbing black sea of people.
Another flash, and Wooyoung caught a glimpse of that face. He stared in that direction, captivated and wondering if his tired eyes and mind weren’t just playing tricks on him. Yet another red flash, and Nichkhun’s face swam briefly into view for a split second before he disappeared back into the darkness. It was enough for Wooyoung to see that gravity of expression, and to feel the intense regretful sorrow that showed so plainly on his face. Wooyoung’s own emotions stirred unsolicited, and he closed his eyes to steady himself.
“Are you all right?” asked the girl, genuinely concerned. Wooyoung blinked his eyes open.
“I’m... fine. Just the stage lights,” Wooyoung lied again, waving his hand dismissively. His eyes continued to dart around the dark audience, searching but not sure what he wanted to find. So what if Nichkhun was there? So what if Nichkhun had seen him propose to another girl? So what if he saw Nichkhun’s face again? It didn’t alter one bit the hard reality of the ring he had just placed on the girl’s finger.
The lights flashed again, and Nichkhun was gone.
-------
“Congratulations!” came another cheerful greeting as the guests streamed out of the party venue. Wooyoung and his new fiancee stood outside the doors, politely bidding farewell to everyone as they walked out. The party had been, after all, organized by the girl’s family.
The girl received everyone’s congratulations with obvious happiness and gratitude, but Wooyoung could only try to suppress his exhaustion and unconcern. He was tired of all of this, but there was nothing he could do but to chug on. With every person that came out of the venue, he hoped to see only one person’s face, only to be left disappointed at every turn. He couldn’t help wondering where Nichkhun had gone to, but every such question would not fail to end with a disappointing realization that that might truly have been the last time he would see him. What he had said at their encounter in the garden would have made it very clear to Nichkhun that it was completely over, but did nothing to soothe Wooyoung’s agitated spirits.
“Here’re some more of the presents that guests have left behind for you before they left!” announced the helpers as they dumped a pile of boxes and paper bags onto a nearby table. The sincerity of the party-goer’s congratulations was evident by the generosity of their engagement gifts.
“I really love the ring, Wooyoung,” the girl said once again, her cheeks flushed as she looked up at him before she admired her ring again. She was clearly in love with him, though he couldn’t say he reciprocated.
“I’m glad you do,” he replied softly. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but couldn’t find it in him at the moment to exert any more false emotions. She grinned up at him, oblivious to his placidity.
“I’ll go see if my dad has something we can put all our gifts into to bring home!” the girl offered enthusiastically, bounding off to find her parent.
Willing himself to be distracted from the turmoil in his mind, Wooyoung wandered towards the pile of gifts and began sieving through them, opening gifts of watches, of cufflinks and of other such luxury items.
Finally, he picked up a simple-looking plain box at the bottom of the pile. There was nothing special about it, but it was precisely because it looked so ordinary amongst the lavish goods that surrounded it that had drawn Wooyoung’s attention. He opened the box, and was greeted by a sight of a short hand-written note on normal, plain paper.
Congratulations, Wooyoung.
If she is so fortunate as to be the one that will make you happy, then she deserves you much more than I do.
I sincerely wish you the happiest in life.
He stared at the note, thunder-struck. It was not signed off, but Wooyoung didn’t need it to be. The handwriting, though he hadn’t seen it in years, was still fresh in his mind. He took the note out of the box, only to see lying underneath it not one, but two plain silver rings at the bottom of the shallow box. There was nothing really spectacular about them at all, they certainly couldn’t hold a candle to the one he had just gifted to the girl - if not for an elegant engraving on the inner band of the rings, of his initials entwined with another’s.
A warmth that he had forgotten to feel spread through his body as he stared at the rings. Wooyoung could feel the hotness of his tears welling in his eyes as he ran a finger along the smooth silver band, a burning ache heating up his chest.
It was only at that moment that the two futures that lay ahead of him flashed alarmingly across his eyes, and the consequences of each path became clearer than he had ever realized before. It didn’t take him long to know which future he wanted, though he knew he had always lacked the courage to choose it. It was like he had screeched to a stop just before plunging into a cliff he could never have climbed back out of again.
He made his decision.
He closed the box and slipped it into his pocket, feeling his blood warming up his body as he ran out of the exit.
The End
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
"How can I be happy without you?"