TM 190 -- What song best describes you?
Jean wrote this post immediately after the events described here. Short version: she's had a bit to drink. Apologies to all implicated within -- particularly stoic_slim and sixmetalblades and of course queenemma. Red-Headed Woman is by Bruce Springsteen.
Jean's post:
Bruce Springsteen has this song, okay, and it's awesome. Of course it's awesome, it's Bruce. It's completely dirty as all hell, and it's all about his WIFE. I mean, granted it's his second wife -- Patti, she's the redhead, and she's the one he ran around cheating with on his FIRST wife, but you know guys do that sometimes especially when they're kind of young and they maybe get married for stupid reasons, like she looked like somebody he used to know. I don't know what she looked like -- I mean, I do know what she looked like, because she was on that show with George Clooney, only when he wasn't George Clooney yet, he was just some hot guy. Considering it was Bruce, he probably met his first wife and she looked like some girl named Rosalita he saw sucking cotton candy on the boardwalk for thirty seconds in 1967, and then he decided to turn it into a metaphor. A metaphor about CARS.
Now at this point, you're probably saying, "What, who marries somebody just because they look like somebody they used to know? That's really fucking stupid." Well, I can't really disagree with you there. But this song isn't about that girl, see, this song is later, this song is about me. I mean, it's about Patti.
At this point I should remind you that I am a teacher and sometimes it is necessary to conduct literary analysis, and so let us examine: "Well brunettes are fine man/And blondes are fun/*
But when it comes to getting a dirty job done/I'll take a red headed woman" (*He doesn't say anything about girls with purple hair because it probably wasn't in the rhyming dictionary). I think it's pretty obvious what Bruce is saying there which is that a lot of people talk about doing stuff and some of them especially blonde people (and also Mystique) act like they know so much but it takes redheaded people to actually DO something, but then when the red-headed person does it everybody freaks the fuck out like maybe she's going to go crazy and explode them all -- because there was this one time when she DID go crazy and try to explode everybody, and none of them actually did anything about it because they were all like, "Oh, Phoenix is so powerful, this is fucking cool, now maybe we can finally get on as many magazine covers as the Avengers." But then that all went to hell and they have all this survivalist guilt but they're afraid to talk to her about it so they go to some BLEACH BLONDE sex therapist who apparently got her license at "Dr. Ruth's Emporium for the Ethically Challenged." And them some other ones, certain people who will remain nameless but, just as a hint, they are really SHORT and HAIRY, he's all into you one second -- or, you know, one entire decade -- but then when you actually ask him to put his money where his mouth is -- well, more like his mouth where his mouth is, but that's the next part -- suddenly he remembers he's all noble because he's a samurai or what the fuck ever which doesn't even make any fucking sense because he's from CANADA for fuck's sake. Canada doesn't have SAMURAI, it has MOUNTIES. Like on the show with the two hot guys who obviously want to have sex with each other, and one of them is a Mountie.
Or maybe they both are. ANYWAY.
Now that we understand that lyric accurately, we continue our analysis:
Your life's been wasted/Til you've got down on your knees and tasted/A red headed woman
There's really not much to say about that one except that it's TRUE and that if you might think that particular sex act is inhibited by therapeutic eyewear, I have two words for you. "Blindfold." Silk scarves work really well, and so do ties, but some people are a little touchy about getting their damn ties dirty, never mind that a good scarf costs just as much even if it doesn't come from DIOR, DARLING.
Now, one more part of the songBig green eyes that look like, son/ They can see every cheap thing that you ever done.
And that's really the problem. Redheads, we know too much. We understand people and they act like they want to be understood but then when you do, it fucking scares them and you end up drunk in Christian Dior yelling at Mystique for shit that, I can't believe I'm saying this, isn't even her fault.
Hey, Mystique, you're kind of a redhead too. And you're totally less of a loser than these other losers. Maybe we should get a drink sometime.
Oh, also, Emma? Everybody at the Dior store hates you now.
Note: By the time Jean gets around to answering comments, she will have deleted this post. However, since she takes the next twelve hours to sleep off her hangover, the damage has long been done. I'm sure some resourceful people will have saved and printed the message and possibly posted it in public places.
Jean's post:
Bruce Springsteen has this song, okay, and it's awesome. Of course it's awesome, it's Bruce. It's completely dirty as all hell, and it's all about his WIFE. I mean, granted it's his second wife -- Patti, she's the redhead, and she's the one he ran around cheating with on his FIRST wife, but you know guys do that sometimes especially when they're kind of young and they maybe get married for stupid reasons, like she looked like somebody he used to know. I don't know what she looked like -- I mean, I do know what she looked like, because she was on that show with George Clooney, only when he wasn't George Clooney yet, he was just some hot guy. Considering it was Bruce, he probably met his first wife and she looked like some girl named Rosalita he saw sucking cotton candy on the boardwalk for thirty seconds in 1967, and then he decided to turn it into a metaphor. A metaphor about CARS.
Now at this point, you're probably saying, "What, who marries somebody just because they look like somebody they used to know? That's really fucking stupid." Well, I can't really disagree with you there. But this song isn't about that girl, see, this song is later, this song is about me. I mean, it's about Patti.
At this point I should remind you that I am a teacher and sometimes it is necessary to conduct literary analysis, and so let us examine: "Well brunettes are fine man/And blondes are fun/*
But when it comes to getting a dirty job done/I'll take a red headed woman" (*He doesn't say anything about girls with purple hair because it probably wasn't in the rhyming dictionary). I think it's pretty obvious what Bruce is saying there which is that a lot of people talk about doing stuff and some of them especially blonde people (and also Mystique) act like they know so much but it takes redheaded people to actually DO something, but then when the red-headed person does it everybody freaks the fuck out like maybe she's going to go crazy and explode them all -- because there was this one time when she DID go crazy and try to explode everybody, and none of them actually did anything about it because they were all like, "Oh, Phoenix is so powerful, this is fucking cool, now maybe we can finally get on as many magazine covers as the Avengers." But then that all went to hell and they have all this survivalist guilt but they're afraid to talk to her about it so they go to some BLEACH BLONDE sex therapist who apparently got her license at "Dr. Ruth's Emporium for the Ethically Challenged." And them some other ones, certain people who will remain nameless but, just as a hint, they are really SHORT and HAIRY, he's all into you one second -- or, you know, one entire decade -- but then when you actually ask him to put his money where his mouth is -- well, more like his mouth where his mouth is, but that's the next part -- suddenly he remembers he's all noble because he's a samurai or what the fuck ever which doesn't even make any fucking sense because he's from CANADA for fuck's sake. Canada doesn't have SAMURAI, it has MOUNTIES. Like on the show with the two hot guys who obviously want to have sex with each other, and one of them is a Mountie.
Or maybe they both are. ANYWAY.
Now that we understand that lyric accurately, we continue our analysis:
Your life's been wasted/Til you've got down on your knees and tasted/A red headed woman
There's really not much to say about that one except that it's TRUE and that if you might think that particular sex act is inhibited by therapeutic eyewear, I have two words for you. "Blindfold." Silk scarves work really well, and so do ties, but some people are a little touchy about getting their damn ties dirty, never mind that a good scarf costs just as much even if it doesn't come from DIOR, DARLING.
Now, one more part of the songBig green eyes that look like, son/ They can see every cheap thing that you ever done.
And that's really the problem. Redheads, we know too much. We understand people and they act like they want to be understood but then when you do, it fucking scares them and you end up drunk in Christian Dior yelling at Mystique for shit that, I can't believe I'm saying this, isn't even her fault.
Hey, Mystique, you're kind of a redhead too. And you're totally less of a loser than these other losers. Maybe we should get a drink sometime.
Oh, also, Emma? Everybody at the Dior store hates you now.
Note: By the time Jean gets around to answering comments, she will have deleted this post. However, since she takes the next twelve hours to sleep off her hangover, the damage has long been done. I'm sure some resourceful people will have saved and printed the message and possibly posted it in public places.