This is what happens when I drink and have dirty thoughts.
Author/Artist: Alaerys
Title: The language of love - or penises
Word Count: 2,057
Pairing(s): Bradley/Colin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Spoilers: Uh.. *shakes head* I have no idea. Cursing? Too much crack?
Summary: Bradley and Colin's penises decide to take matters into their own... hands?
Author's Note: Do NOT ask me wtf I was thinking when I wrote this. Cuz I have NO idea. Colin isn't mine. *boo* Nor is Bradley *EPIC BOO*... unfortunately, neither are their penises. *sighs sadly* I don't even really know what to say about this other than it's complete crack. CRACK of the highest degree. And you know what? I'm proud of it. *sticks out chest*
Bradley Jr. was not impressed. He would like to state that for the record. He’d been locked up behind denim and cotton for an abysmally long time when he KNEW something of interest was going on outside. He could feel what Bradley was feeling… mostly. He felt it more when these feeling involved himself, Bradley Jr., taking action in some way. Most of the time, he liked to annoy Bradley by trying to bring attention to himself at ‘inconvenient’ moments. Like when he was on the phone to his mum or, most especially, around Colin Morgan. Because Colin Jr. and himself liked to attempt to carry on conversations with each other when they could. They were fortunate that their respective owners actually enjoyed the company of the other, since it allowed Bradley Jr. to have a mate of his own for the first time in his life.
“Oi! What’s going on out there?” Bradley Jr. sent over to Colin Jr., using the special form of penis telepathy that they’d developed.
“I can’t bloody tell. I’m in pants, aren’t I. I don’t have x-ray vision.” Colin Jr. retorted.
Bradley Jr. growled, causing Bradley to cast a worried glance in his direction. “This sucks bollocks. They’re doing something. Or talking about something. Or… something. I know it. I can feel it in my bone.”
Colin Jr. snorted. “Worst pun EVER, B.J.”
Bradley Jr. shrugged, which got him another frantic look from Bradley. “I work with what I can, C.J. It’s a man’s world. We’re second class citizens, mate.”
Colin Jr. sighed heavily and tried to move around in the confines of his jeans to direct his thoughts more towards Bradley Jr. “Preach on, B.J. Do you know that I’ve been trying to get out of these bloody pants since Colin and Bradley first sat down? I mean, honestly, I know mine wants me to play with yours, but he’s being a complete wanker and just… just… rawr!” Colin Jr. attempted to stomp something, which caused Colin’s mouth to twitch and to cross his legs in an effort to hide his hand readjusting Colin Jr.
Bradley Jr. noticed the rush of blood in his direction and greedily hoarded it. “Something’s up, mate. I just got sent a load of happy juice. What’s yours doing that’s got mine all randy?”
Colin Jr. shrugged, which is a lot harder to do when you have no shoulders, so he deserved some points. “Dunno, I’m frustrated and making it known. I just got squashed between the gangly white thighs of death. I think he’s trying to kill me.” Colin Jr. pouted.
“Well, that’s just bad form.” Bradley Jr. empathized for Colin Jr. and decided to pick now as an ‘inconvenient’ moment to draw attention to himself. He directed his penis telepathy towards Colin, “Oi! You sodding bastard! Un-thigh him now! He has feelings, you know. You big bully!” Bradley Jr. puffed himself up and glared balefully in the direction he assumed Colin was. He yelped as he felt Bradley’s hand press him down between his own thighs and attempt to squish him into silence. “Sod that!” Bradley Jr. used his peen-powers to draw most of the blood into himself from Bradley’s brain, whose messages he was ignoring, thank you very much. He yelled in triumph as Bradley uncrossed his legs, instead using his coat to cover the wild maneuverings of the annoyed penis.
“What in the bloody hell are you doing? I’m no longer squished between the pasty thighs of doom since I don’t think I’d fit properly without hurting him since I’m almost.. um.. full.” Colin Jr. hollered over to Bradley Jr.
Bradley Jr. grinned, which is equally hard to do when you have no mouth - so more points to him, and called back to Colin Jr., “I think they’re doing that thing again where they’re noticing each other and wanting to shag, but pretending they don’t. Keep making some noise, we’ll break through to them eventually!” Bradley Jr. punctuated his statement with a mad wriggle, which elicited a stifled groan from Bradley. Bradley Jr. was completely unaware of the fact that unlike most times he and Colin Jr. decided to act up, this current episode was being done while they were in Colin’s hotel room. Alone. Which would explain why it was affecting Colin and Bradley so much. Normally, their peens decided to be annoying gits while they were in public, swarmed with other people, making it very easy to distract themselves from paying their tantrum throwing genitals any attention. Bradley was finding it very difficult to pay attention to the sounds coming from Colin’s mouth when he was absolutely positive that he saw a hardened length pressed against the material of Colin’s jeans.
Equally, Colin was distracted from the train of thought he was clinging to like a madman when he noticed Bradley’s eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips to his crotch, causing the already engorged Colin Jr. to swell even further, if that were possible. “TELEGRAPH, B.J.! TELEGRAPH LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TELEGRAPHED BEFORE! I think tonight’s the night!” Colin Jr. shrieked over to Bradley Jr. as he sent the most lurid thoughts he could towards Colin’s brain. Colin’s brain was fighting a losing battle, since over half of it didn’t even want to stop thinking about Bradley. Or Bradley naked. Or Bradley on his knees with his cock in his mouth. Or Bradley, covered in sweat, kneeling over him and wanking himself off over his chest… Colin’s brain sent up the white flag and gave control of Colin over to Colin Jr., who crowed in triumph and nudged the material encasing him in his enthusiasm. “I won, B.J.! I won! Now we just gotta get you-“ Colin Jr.’s statement was cut off as he felt Colin being tugged and twirled around until Colin’s back said hello to the wall of Colin’s hotel.
Bradley Jr. nudged at Colin Jr. through annoying layers of clothes. “I dunno what we did, but we have got to remember that one. I think we’re finally going to be able to play tonight.” Bradley Jr. clapped eagerly, also hard to do with no hands, and bounced against Colin Jr., who was also bouncing in glee.
Colin Jr. could feel Colin pressing up against Bradley and telegraphed the urge to be released. “I think you may be right.” Colin Jr. practically danced in ecstasy as he felt Bradley’s fingers brushing him as Bradley worked at Colin’s fly. Colin Jr. telegraphed ‘RECIPROCATION!’ as hard as he could. Hearing the rasp of Bradley’s fly being lowered caused him to leak in joy.
“FREEDOM!” Bradley Jr. bellowed as he slipped past metal and denim and cotton.
Colin Jr. chortled. “You have got to stop watching so many movies.”
“Oh hush up, Irish, and come play with me.” Bradley Jr. grinned coyly at Colin Jr. and brushed softly against him.
Colin Jr. stiffened more and purred, causing Colin to groan and grab Bradley’s arse to pull against him. “You can be ridiculously persuasive when you put your mind to it.” Colin Jr. rubbed up against Bradley Jr., spreading some of his liquid joy over him.
Bradley Jr. decided to impress Colin Jr. with his extended knowledge of every secret penis handshake known to man. “I can also be ridiculously satisfying. I’ve heard something about protein being good for you…” Bradley Jr. leaked more ‘protein’ over Colin Jr.
Colin Jr. giggled (No, he didn’t. Men don’t giggle. Neither do their penises.), and rolled around in Bradley Jr.’s offering. “I think they meant as a dietary supplement, not as a lotion, B.J.”
Bradley Jr. shrugged and continued to nuzzle along Colin Jr. “Who cares? I’m enjoying myself and if you say anything contrary, I’ll know you’re lying. This isn’t all me, you know…” Bradley Jr. was referring to the glistening sheen they were both wearing, creamy liquid coats of each other.
“True. And I’m not at all ashamed to admit it. Besides, you look good wearing me…” Colin Jr. smirked over at Bradley Jr.
Bradley Jr. retaliated by telegraphing to Bradley and a smug look covered his not-face as Colin Jr. groaned from the feel of Bradley’s hand stroking along his moistened length. Bradley Jr. grinned over at Colin Jr., “You are such a slut. I like it… “
Colin Jr. telegraphed to Colin, who then got on his knees and Bradley Jr. was given an impromptu tour of Colin’s mouth. “You were saying?” Colin Jr. snarked over to Bradley Jr.
“Shut up. I’m very much enjoying this. I think I may have found a new best friend… “
Colin Jr. chirped in outrage and sent another telegraph. Or at least, he attempted to. He was interrupted by Colin being dragged up by his arm and tossed in the general direction of the bed. “What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”
Bradley Jr. blushed - which was much more difficult than shrugging OR grinning considering he was already pretty red, and stammered, “I think we’ve been outvoted, mate.” Not that he was complaining, since from the positions Colin and Bradley were taking, he was pretty sure where this was going. He was correct, as Colin went on all fours on the bed, lowering his top half and looking back at Bradley with a look that almost made Bradley Jr. go off in appreciation. Bradley moved up behind Colin and grasped his hips, leaning his body down over Colin’s lowered torso and whispering something to him. Something that was lost to Bradley Jr. as he wriggled until he slipped under Colin’s arse and was flush against Colin Jr. “Alright, C.J.?”
“You planned this. You had this whole thing planned from the beginning and you knew I wasn’t going to be able to play as much as I wanted.” Colin Jr. sulked and pretended to ignore Bradley Jr.
“Aww, C.J., don’t be that way. You know I only have so much control. You mean to tell me you could change it if you wanted to?” Bradley Jr. wheedled at Colin Jr.
Colin Jr. was quiet for a moment as Colin and Bradley spent some time using their hands to rove over each other. “Probably not… but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try. Especially if you asked.”
Bradley Jr. nuzzled up at Colin Jr. and gave him doe-eyes, penis style. “If I had control of this body, there’s not a whole lot I wouldn’t do for you, mate.”
Colin Jr. softened internally, but hardened externally as he rubbed back against Bradley Jr. “I know, it’s just… well… it’s our first time. I wanted it to be…”
Bradley Jr. leaked onto Colin Jr. in penis language for ‘hush’. “I know, C.J. But I have a feeling this is just the first of many.”
Colin Jr. lay his head against Bradley Jr.’s for the brief moment they had before Bradley Jr. was drawn back and was given a tour of Colin’s arse. A long, extended, lengthy tour. A tour which Bradley Jr. was extremely excited about. Bradley Jr. heard Colin Jr. mumbling and telegraphed to Bradley. Bradley reached a hand down and gently started petting and stroking Colin Jr., which stilled the grumblings. In fact, Colin Jr. started saying some pretty dirty things. Which surprisingly, turned Bradley Jr. on. Like… a lot. Bradley Jr. swelled and sweated. Colin Jr. cursed and said vile, dirty, dirty things. Bradley Jr. cursed in response and let the flood he’d been holding back loose. He heard Colin Jr. growl and curse more, then felt the warmth covering Bradley’s hand. After what seemed like an eternity, his ‘tour de arse’ was finished and he withdrew.
Bradley lay against the bed on his side facing Colin, chest heaving. He pulled and twisted at Colin until he rolled over and they lay, face to face, breaths mingling. Bradley Jr. lay exhausted beside an equally spent Colin Jr. “That,” huffed out Colin Jr., “was… just… wow.”
Bradley Jr. managed a weak grin. “Yes. Very wow inducing. Can’t wait for the next time.” Bradley Jr. grinned cheekily over at Colin Jr.
“Hah! We are so switching next time.” Colin Jr. mock-glared at Bradley Jr.
“Whatever you want, mate.” Bradley Jr. heaved a sigh and nestled happily, spent and comfortable beside and equally exhausted Colin Jr. as they and their owners drifted off to sleep.
Title: The language of love - or penises
Word Count: 2,057
Pairing(s): Bradley/Colin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Spoilers: Uh.. *shakes head* I have no idea. Cursing? Too much crack?
Summary: Bradley and Colin's penises decide to take matters into their own... hands?
Author's Note: Do NOT ask me wtf I was thinking when I wrote this. Cuz I have NO idea. Colin isn't mine. *boo* Nor is Bradley *EPIC BOO*... unfortunately, neither are their penises. *sighs sadly* I don't even really know what to say about this other than it's complete crack. CRACK of the highest degree. And you know what? I'm proud of it. *sticks out chest*
Bradley Jr. was not impressed. He would like to state that for the record. He’d been locked up behind denim and cotton for an abysmally long time when he KNEW something of interest was going on outside. He could feel what Bradley was feeling… mostly. He felt it more when these feeling involved himself, Bradley Jr., taking action in some way. Most of the time, he liked to annoy Bradley by trying to bring attention to himself at ‘inconvenient’ moments. Like when he was on the phone to his mum or, most especially, around Colin Morgan. Because Colin Jr. and himself liked to attempt to carry on conversations with each other when they could. They were fortunate that their respective owners actually enjoyed the company of the other, since it allowed Bradley Jr. to have a mate of his own for the first time in his life.
“Oi! What’s going on out there?” Bradley Jr. sent over to Colin Jr., using the special form of penis telepathy that they’d developed.
“I can’t bloody tell. I’m in pants, aren’t I. I don’t have x-ray vision.” Colin Jr. retorted.
Bradley Jr. growled, causing Bradley to cast a worried glance in his direction. “This sucks bollocks. They’re doing something. Or talking about something. Or… something. I know it. I can feel it in my bone.”
Colin Jr. snorted. “Worst pun EVER, B.J.”
Bradley Jr. shrugged, which got him another frantic look from Bradley. “I work with what I can, C.J. It’s a man’s world. We’re second class citizens, mate.”
Colin Jr. sighed heavily and tried to move around in the confines of his jeans to direct his thoughts more towards Bradley Jr. “Preach on, B.J. Do you know that I’ve been trying to get out of these bloody pants since Colin and Bradley first sat down? I mean, honestly, I know mine wants me to play with yours, but he’s being a complete wanker and just… just… rawr!” Colin Jr. attempted to stomp something, which caused Colin’s mouth to twitch and to cross his legs in an effort to hide his hand readjusting Colin Jr.
Bradley Jr. noticed the rush of blood in his direction and greedily hoarded it. “Something’s up, mate. I just got sent a load of happy juice. What’s yours doing that’s got mine all randy?”
Colin Jr. shrugged, which is a lot harder to do when you have no shoulders, so he deserved some points. “Dunno, I’m frustrated and making it known. I just got squashed between the gangly white thighs of death. I think he’s trying to kill me.” Colin Jr. pouted.
“Well, that’s just bad form.” Bradley Jr. empathized for Colin Jr. and decided to pick now as an ‘inconvenient’ moment to draw attention to himself. He directed his penis telepathy towards Colin, “Oi! You sodding bastard! Un-thigh him now! He has feelings, you know. You big bully!” Bradley Jr. puffed himself up and glared balefully in the direction he assumed Colin was. He yelped as he felt Bradley’s hand press him down between his own thighs and attempt to squish him into silence. “Sod that!” Bradley Jr. used his peen-powers to draw most of the blood into himself from Bradley’s brain, whose messages he was ignoring, thank you very much. He yelled in triumph as Bradley uncrossed his legs, instead using his coat to cover the wild maneuverings of the annoyed penis.
“What in the bloody hell are you doing? I’m no longer squished between the pasty thighs of doom since I don’t think I’d fit properly without hurting him since I’m almost.. um.. full.” Colin Jr. hollered over to Bradley Jr.
Bradley Jr. grinned, which is equally hard to do when you have no mouth - so more points to him, and called back to Colin Jr., “I think they’re doing that thing again where they’re noticing each other and wanting to shag, but pretending they don’t. Keep making some noise, we’ll break through to them eventually!” Bradley Jr. punctuated his statement with a mad wriggle, which elicited a stifled groan from Bradley. Bradley Jr. was completely unaware of the fact that unlike most times he and Colin Jr. decided to act up, this current episode was being done while they were in Colin’s hotel room. Alone. Which would explain why it was affecting Colin and Bradley so much. Normally, their peens decided to be annoying gits while they were in public, swarmed with other people, making it very easy to distract themselves from paying their tantrum throwing genitals any attention. Bradley was finding it very difficult to pay attention to the sounds coming from Colin’s mouth when he was absolutely positive that he saw a hardened length pressed against the material of Colin’s jeans.
Equally, Colin was distracted from the train of thought he was clinging to like a madman when he noticed Bradley’s eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips to his crotch, causing the already engorged Colin Jr. to swell even further, if that were possible. “TELEGRAPH, B.J.! TELEGRAPH LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TELEGRAPHED BEFORE! I think tonight’s the night!” Colin Jr. shrieked over to Bradley Jr. as he sent the most lurid thoughts he could towards Colin’s brain. Colin’s brain was fighting a losing battle, since over half of it didn’t even want to stop thinking about Bradley. Or Bradley naked. Or Bradley on his knees with his cock in his mouth. Or Bradley, covered in sweat, kneeling over him and wanking himself off over his chest… Colin’s brain sent up the white flag and gave control of Colin over to Colin Jr., who crowed in triumph and nudged the material encasing him in his enthusiasm. “I won, B.J.! I won! Now we just gotta get you-“ Colin Jr.’s statement was cut off as he felt Colin being tugged and twirled around until Colin’s back said hello to the wall of Colin’s hotel.
Bradley Jr. nudged at Colin Jr. through annoying layers of clothes. “I dunno what we did, but we have got to remember that one. I think we’re finally going to be able to play tonight.” Bradley Jr. clapped eagerly, also hard to do with no hands, and bounced against Colin Jr., who was also bouncing in glee.
Colin Jr. could feel Colin pressing up against Bradley and telegraphed the urge to be released. “I think you may be right.” Colin Jr. practically danced in ecstasy as he felt Bradley’s fingers brushing him as Bradley worked at Colin’s fly. Colin Jr. telegraphed ‘RECIPROCATION!’ as hard as he could. Hearing the rasp of Bradley’s fly being lowered caused him to leak in joy.
“FREEDOM!” Bradley Jr. bellowed as he slipped past metal and denim and cotton.
Colin Jr. chortled. “You have got to stop watching so many movies.”
“Oh hush up, Irish, and come play with me.” Bradley Jr. grinned coyly at Colin Jr. and brushed softly against him.
Colin Jr. stiffened more and purred, causing Colin to groan and grab Bradley’s arse to pull against him. “You can be ridiculously persuasive when you put your mind to it.” Colin Jr. rubbed up against Bradley Jr., spreading some of his liquid joy over him.
Bradley Jr. decided to impress Colin Jr. with his extended knowledge of every secret penis handshake known to man. “I can also be ridiculously satisfying. I’ve heard something about protein being good for you…” Bradley Jr. leaked more ‘protein’ over Colin Jr.
Colin Jr. giggled (No, he didn’t. Men don’t giggle. Neither do their penises.), and rolled around in Bradley Jr.’s offering. “I think they meant as a dietary supplement, not as a lotion, B.J.”
Bradley Jr. shrugged and continued to nuzzle along Colin Jr. “Who cares? I’m enjoying myself and if you say anything contrary, I’ll know you’re lying. This isn’t all me, you know…” Bradley Jr. was referring to the glistening sheen they were both wearing, creamy liquid coats of each other.
“True. And I’m not at all ashamed to admit it. Besides, you look good wearing me…” Colin Jr. smirked over at Bradley Jr.
Bradley Jr. retaliated by telegraphing to Bradley and a smug look covered his not-face as Colin Jr. groaned from the feel of Bradley’s hand stroking along his moistened length. Bradley Jr. grinned over at Colin Jr., “You are such a slut. I like it… “
Colin Jr. telegraphed to Colin, who then got on his knees and Bradley Jr. was given an impromptu tour of Colin’s mouth. “You were saying?” Colin Jr. snarked over to Bradley Jr.
“Shut up. I’m very much enjoying this. I think I may have found a new best friend… “
Colin Jr. chirped in outrage and sent another telegraph. Or at least, he attempted to. He was interrupted by Colin being dragged up by his arm and tossed in the general direction of the bed. “What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”
Bradley Jr. blushed - which was much more difficult than shrugging OR grinning considering he was already pretty red, and stammered, “I think we’ve been outvoted, mate.” Not that he was complaining, since from the positions Colin and Bradley were taking, he was pretty sure where this was going. He was correct, as Colin went on all fours on the bed, lowering his top half and looking back at Bradley with a look that almost made Bradley Jr. go off in appreciation. Bradley moved up behind Colin and grasped his hips, leaning his body down over Colin’s lowered torso and whispering something to him. Something that was lost to Bradley Jr. as he wriggled until he slipped under Colin’s arse and was flush against Colin Jr. “Alright, C.J.?”
“You planned this. You had this whole thing planned from the beginning and you knew I wasn’t going to be able to play as much as I wanted.” Colin Jr. sulked and pretended to ignore Bradley Jr.
“Aww, C.J., don’t be that way. You know I only have so much control. You mean to tell me you could change it if you wanted to?” Bradley Jr. wheedled at Colin Jr.
Colin Jr. was quiet for a moment as Colin and Bradley spent some time using their hands to rove over each other. “Probably not… but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try. Especially if you asked.”
Bradley Jr. nuzzled up at Colin Jr. and gave him doe-eyes, penis style. “If I had control of this body, there’s not a whole lot I wouldn’t do for you, mate.”
Colin Jr. softened internally, but hardened externally as he rubbed back against Bradley Jr. “I know, it’s just… well… it’s our first time. I wanted it to be…”
Bradley Jr. leaked onto Colin Jr. in penis language for ‘hush’. “I know, C.J. But I have a feeling this is just the first of many.”
Colin Jr. lay his head against Bradley Jr.’s for the brief moment they had before Bradley Jr. was drawn back and was given a tour of Colin’s arse. A long, extended, lengthy tour. A tour which Bradley Jr. was extremely excited about. Bradley Jr. heard Colin Jr. mumbling and telegraphed to Bradley. Bradley reached a hand down and gently started petting and stroking Colin Jr., which stilled the grumblings. In fact, Colin Jr. started saying some pretty dirty things. Which surprisingly, turned Bradley Jr. on. Like… a lot. Bradley Jr. swelled and sweated. Colin Jr. cursed and said vile, dirty, dirty things. Bradley Jr. cursed in response and let the flood he’d been holding back loose. He heard Colin Jr. growl and curse more, then felt the warmth covering Bradley’s hand. After what seemed like an eternity, his ‘tour de arse’ was finished and he withdrew.
Bradley lay against the bed on his side facing Colin, chest heaving. He pulled and twisted at Colin until he rolled over and they lay, face to face, breaths mingling. Bradley Jr. lay exhausted beside an equally spent Colin Jr. “That,” huffed out Colin Jr., “was… just… wow.”
Bradley Jr. managed a weak grin. “Yes. Very wow inducing. Can’t wait for the next time.” Bradley Jr. grinned cheekily over at Colin Jr.
“Hah! We are so switching next time.” Colin Jr. mock-glared at Bradley Jr.
“Whatever you want, mate.” Bradley Jr. heaved a sigh and nestled happily, spent and comfortable beside and equally exhausted Colin Jr. as they and their owners drifted off to sleep.