A Date in Two Acts with a Phone Call Denouement
So I finally checked my inbox at OKC a couple of weeks ago. I had several new messages and so I did some responding and set up some dates.
Last Friday I met a guy who lives in Columbia, MD (see how geographically open-minded I am!). Of course, he came to DC for it so I'm not *that* geographically open-minded. We planned to meet at 8. The Fridays I work I get off at 5:00 and take the 5:45 Zumba class. Zumba is very fun, it's a mix between Latin, Afro-Caribbean, and hip hop dance music and moves. I love starting the weekend that way. I just have to stand in the back so I can't see myself in the mirror. When I can't see myself my dance moves are fly; when I can see them, I realize that I am not as sexy as I fancy myself, and in fact am kind of goofy. I did abs but couldn't stretch it out until 8, but since the sun is still up late these days I went on a bench near the Navy Memorial and read a book until it was time to meet him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be someone I was attracted to, but he seemed smart and nice and respectful by email so in the interest of Getting Out There and Giving People a Chance I met up with him. He had suggested Teaism, which is not a very datelike place. I prefer to have a drink on a first date because I can relax and be less judge-y with a glass of wine in me. Teaism serves cocktails, but he didn't order one so I just got bubble tea. He'd never heard of bubble tea. We sat outside because it was nice. He is smart and nerdy, but very soft-spoken and not too talkative. It was hard to hear him, and I felt like the conversation was foundering at times. On the whole, though, I wasn't having a horrible time (and I had expected a horrible time). I was about to wrap it up when he asked if I wanted to go get dinner. In a way, I felt like we'd had our date, but as mentioned I wasn't having a horrible time so I said yes. I suggested Zaytinya because I'd been talking about their fries earlier and then was craving them.
We got to Zaytinya at about 9:15 and there was a 30-40 minutes wait. I headed to the bar, but then realized there was no way I'd be able to hear a word he said in a noisy crowded space, so suggested we sit outside on the steps instead. We were sitting there and he was getting nervous about his car. He'd parked it in a garage that closes at midnight. I said it was fine if he wanted to go move it, I had a book to read. But he stalled for about 20 minutes and then went to go move it. While he was gone, of course, the table came ready. So I was seated. And waited. And waited. He was gone for about 40 minutes. I kept saying to myself, "He doesn't *seem* like the kind of person who would ditch you. And he was the one who suggested dinner." I didn't really think he wouldn't come back, but I did feel very awkward sitting at the table by myself. At first the servers kept coming around and asking me if I wanted anything, and then they started shunning me. I don't know which was worse.
Finally, he returned. I ran down the menu with him dish by dish, but I don't think he was following me. We got fries, grilled asparagus, Htipiti (a mix of roasted red bell peppers and feta), and kolokaeftethes (zucchini patties). I was chowing down but he wasn't eating much, despite that he's a pretty big guy. He's tall and not overweight, necessarily, just kinda big. I couldn't hear a word he was saying, again, even though I'd requested us a table on the patio rather than indoors. Finally, I asked him why he wasn't eating many of the fries. He said, "Well, last year I weighed 400 pounds."
Whoa. Stop the presses.
I was like, "Excuse me?"
He said he was up to almost 400 pounds and had been heavy since he was a teenager. So he eats a mostly vegan diet (with chicken and fish) and exercises and has lost almost all the way down to his goal weight. This is very impressive. I am lucky that I have always been at a healthy weight so I don't know what it's like to have so far to go. It annoys me when I can't lose two pounds. But at the same time, DAMN that is some psychological baggage right there.
I am a very curious/nosy person, so I asked him how he pictured himself when he was not looking in a mirror. He said he pretty much has to be looking in a mirror to get it right. I didn't want to pry him any more, but I would have loved to have interviewed him on the subject. Unfortch, we were on a date and I am not a reporter.
Anyway, the conversation was pleasant and he seems like a very nice, smart person but I wasn't really feeling anything. But I wasn't totally turned off either. He gave me a ride home and when he dropped me off he asked if he could see me again. I said yes. He was immediately like, "OK, what day next week is good for you?" I told him Monday through Wednesday were free, and I was busy from Thursday on.
By the time he asked me out for Tuesday I had already made a date with someone else, so we went out Monday. He invited me for dinner and a movie but this way too much to do on a school night. He had said on Friday that when he gave up dairy the biggest thing he missed was mac'n'cheese. The vegan soul food restaurant near my house has crazy good vegan mac'n'cheese so I suggested that we meet there for dinner. We decided on 7:45.
I am always time-optimistic, especially about getting out of the gym. I was certain to be late except that when I came out of the gym there was literally a bus at the stop with its door open so I ran for it and was at the restaurant precisely on time. However, when I sat down I saw he'd emailed me to say he was going to be a few minutes late. Fine. Except that it was like 20 minutes late. Ugh. Rather than the crowded restaurant on Friday the restaurant was completely empty except for me. It's mostly a carryout kind of place, so people came in and out, but mostly it was me and the guy at the counter staring at one another. Nice.
He arrived, I got the pepper "steak," curried cabbage, and green beans. He had the mac'n'cheese, curried cabbage, and broccoli. The serving sizes are insane--about three meals of DELICIOUS food for $10. Why don't I go there more often? Anyway, he was going to town on the mac'n'cheese. It really is too good to be vegan, and he said he felt guilty eating it. He has a highly developed sense of guilt. His mom, apparently, is good at putting on the guilt trips. He has kind of a difficult family situation--mom and older sister don't do a great job of taking care of themselves, always need money, etc. etc. His older sister has two kids and he spends a lot of time with them. He took them to art-o-matic on Sunday, and then they ended up spending the night with him so his Monday morning had been taxing.
He drove me home again, and I had a sinking feeling when I saw that there was a spot right in front of my house. I would probably be willing to kiss him just to confirm that there is no chemistry, but he kind of needed to floss. Three years ago. There was a lot of plaque buildup between his teeth, and it pretty much grossed me out to think of kissing him. He parked the car, but didn't make a move. I awkwardly filled the silence and finally was like, "OK, I'm going upstairs."
He emailed me, I think on the drive home, to ask if he was moving too slow. I didn't have a chance to respond before he emailed asking to retract his earlier email. Once you hit send, it's out there. You only make it more awkward by trying to pretend you didn't say it. So I answered and said that it was only our second date so I didn't think he was moving too slowly, but that I didn't see long-term possibility because I am a chatty person and I need somebody else who is chatty so that I don't get sick of the sound of my own voice.
Last night he called me and it was so drama! I mean, not really. He was calm and not crazy, but we had to have some kind of Serious Talk about Where This is Going, so I told him nowhere. He said that he is guarded but that eventually he gets more talkative. He said in the car he wasn't sure whether I wanted him to make a move so that's why he was being quiet, because he was thinking about that.
I said I totally get that, but I don't want to put a lot of work into someone else. I am looking for compatibility right out of the box. And maybe that's unrealistic, but that's where I am right now. And it's not that he's not good enough, it's just that we're different. "A value-neutral incompatibility," is the phrase I believe I used.
Thankfully, he didn't try to keep arguing me into dating him (when will people understand that this won't work?). Had he not pushed it I might have gone out with him a few more times, but it is highly doubtful anything would have come of it so it's just as well I suppose.
He really liked me. I felt very mean. I hate that. This is one of the many reasons I go through periods of not dating. The constant being mean. I think that I aim low, so I go out with men who I'm not interested in, but I am kind of at the top end of their dating pool. This sounds very snobbish but I don't mean it that way. So my dates are a "success" in that I don't get rejected, but at the same time they're total failures because I'm not interested. I should ponder this some more. I guess I need to start aiming high and risking rejection.
Last Friday I met a guy who lives in Columbia, MD (see how geographically open-minded I am!). Of course, he came to DC for it so I'm not *that* geographically open-minded. We planned to meet at 8. The Fridays I work I get off at 5:00 and take the 5:45 Zumba class. Zumba is very fun, it's a mix between Latin, Afro-Caribbean, and hip hop dance music and moves. I love starting the weekend that way. I just have to stand in the back so I can't see myself in the mirror. When I can't see myself my dance moves are fly; when I can see them, I realize that I am not as sexy as I fancy myself, and in fact am kind of goofy. I did abs but couldn't stretch it out until 8, but since the sun is still up late these days I went on a bench near the Navy Memorial and read a book until it was time to meet him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be someone I was attracted to, but he seemed smart and nice and respectful by email so in the interest of Getting Out There and Giving People a Chance I met up with him. He had suggested Teaism, which is not a very datelike place. I prefer to have a drink on a first date because I can relax and be less judge-y with a glass of wine in me. Teaism serves cocktails, but he didn't order one so I just got bubble tea. He'd never heard of bubble tea. We sat outside because it was nice. He is smart and nerdy, but very soft-spoken and not too talkative. It was hard to hear him, and I felt like the conversation was foundering at times. On the whole, though, I wasn't having a horrible time (and I had expected a horrible time). I was about to wrap it up when he asked if I wanted to go get dinner. In a way, I felt like we'd had our date, but as mentioned I wasn't having a horrible time so I said yes. I suggested Zaytinya because I'd been talking about their fries earlier and then was craving them.
We got to Zaytinya at about 9:15 and there was a 30-40 minutes wait. I headed to the bar, but then realized there was no way I'd be able to hear a word he said in a noisy crowded space, so suggested we sit outside on the steps instead. We were sitting there and he was getting nervous about his car. He'd parked it in a garage that closes at midnight. I said it was fine if he wanted to go move it, I had a book to read. But he stalled for about 20 minutes and then went to go move it. While he was gone, of course, the table came ready. So I was seated. And waited. And waited. He was gone for about 40 minutes. I kept saying to myself, "He doesn't *seem* like the kind of person who would ditch you. And he was the one who suggested dinner." I didn't really think he wouldn't come back, but I did feel very awkward sitting at the table by myself. At first the servers kept coming around and asking me if I wanted anything, and then they started shunning me. I don't know which was worse.
Finally, he returned. I ran down the menu with him dish by dish, but I don't think he was following me. We got fries, grilled asparagus, Htipiti (a mix of roasted red bell peppers and feta), and kolokaeftethes (zucchini patties). I was chowing down but he wasn't eating much, despite that he's a pretty big guy. He's tall and not overweight, necessarily, just kinda big. I couldn't hear a word he was saying, again, even though I'd requested us a table on the patio rather than indoors. Finally, I asked him why he wasn't eating many of the fries. He said, "Well, last year I weighed 400 pounds."
Whoa. Stop the presses.
I was like, "Excuse me?"
He said he was up to almost 400 pounds and had been heavy since he was a teenager. So he eats a mostly vegan diet (with chicken and fish) and exercises and has lost almost all the way down to his goal weight. This is very impressive. I am lucky that I have always been at a healthy weight so I don't know what it's like to have so far to go. It annoys me when I can't lose two pounds. But at the same time, DAMN that is some psychological baggage right there.
I am a very curious/nosy person, so I asked him how he pictured himself when he was not looking in a mirror. He said he pretty much has to be looking in a mirror to get it right. I didn't want to pry him any more, but I would have loved to have interviewed him on the subject. Unfortch, we were on a date and I am not a reporter.
Anyway, the conversation was pleasant and he seems like a very nice, smart person but I wasn't really feeling anything. But I wasn't totally turned off either. He gave me a ride home and when he dropped me off he asked if he could see me again. I said yes. He was immediately like, "OK, what day next week is good for you?" I told him Monday through Wednesday were free, and I was busy from Thursday on.
By the time he asked me out for Tuesday I had already made a date with someone else, so we went out Monday. He invited me for dinner and a movie but this way too much to do on a school night. He had said on Friday that when he gave up dairy the biggest thing he missed was mac'n'cheese. The vegan soul food restaurant near my house has crazy good vegan mac'n'cheese so I suggested that we meet there for dinner. We decided on 7:45.
I am always time-optimistic, especially about getting out of the gym. I was certain to be late except that when I came out of the gym there was literally a bus at the stop with its door open so I ran for it and was at the restaurant precisely on time. However, when I sat down I saw he'd emailed me to say he was going to be a few minutes late. Fine. Except that it was like 20 minutes late. Ugh. Rather than the crowded restaurant on Friday the restaurant was completely empty except for me. It's mostly a carryout kind of place, so people came in and out, but mostly it was me and the guy at the counter staring at one another. Nice.
He arrived, I got the pepper "steak," curried cabbage, and green beans. He had the mac'n'cheese, curried cabbage, and broccoli. The serving sizes are insane--about three meals of DELICIOUS food for $10. Why don't I go there more often? Anyway, he was going to town on the mac'n'cheese. It really is too good to be vegan, and he said he felt guilty eating it. He has a highly developed sense of guilt. His mom, apparently, is good at putting on the guilt trips. He has kind of a difficult family situation--mom and older sister don't do a great job of taking care of themselves, always need money, etc. etc. His older sister has two kids and he spends a lot of time with them. He took them to art-o-matic on Sunday, and then they ended up spending the night with him so his Monday morning had been taxing.
He drove me home again, and I had a sinking feeling when I saw that there was a spot right in front of my house. I would probably be willing to kiss him just to confirm that there is no chemistry, but he kind of needed to floss. Three years ago. There was a lot of plaque buildup between his teeth, and it pretty much grossed me out to think of kissing him. He parked the car, but didn't make a move. I awkwardly filled the silence and finally was like, "OK, I'm going upstairs."
He emailed me, I think on the drive home, to ask if he was moving too slow. I didn't have a chance to respond before he emailed asking to retract his earlier email. Once you hit send, it's out there. You only make it more awkward by trying to pretend you didn't say it. So I answered and said that it was only our second date so I didn't think he was moving too slowly, but that I didn't see long-term possibility because I am a chatty person and I need somebody else who is chatty so that I don't get sick of the sound of my own voice.
Last night he called me and it was so drama! I mean, not really. He was calm and not crazy, but we had to have some kind of Serious Talk about Where This is Going, so I told him nowhere. He said that he is guarded but that eventually he gets more talkative. He said in the car he wasn't sure whether I wanted him to make a move so that's why he was being quiet, because he was thinking about that.
I said I totally get that, but I don't want to put a lot of work into someone else. I am looking for compatibility right out of the box. And maybe that's unrealistic, but that's where I am right now. And it's not that he's not good enough, it's just that we're different. "A value-neutral incompatibility," is the phrase I believe I used.
Thankfully, he didn't try to keep arguing me into dating him (when will people understand that this won't work?). Had he not pushed it I might have gone out with him a few more times, but it is highly doubtful anything would have come of it so it's just as well I suppose.
He really liked me. I felt very mean. I hate that. This is one of the many reasons I go through periods of not dating. The constant being mean. I think that I aim low, so I go out with men who I'm not interested in, but I am kind of at the top end of their dating pool. This sounds very snobbish but I don't mean it that way. So my dates are a "success" in that I don't get rejected, but at the same time they're total failures because I'm not interested. I should ponder this some more. I guess I need to start aiming high and risking rejection.