Comments | sgahcchallenges: Holiday Hurt/Comfort Comment Fic

x_erikah_x in sgahcchallenges

Holiday Hurt/Comfort Comment Fic

Dec 02, 2009 13:49

*knocks on people's screens ( Read more... )

!comment fic, prompt, comment fic exchange main post, closed

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laughtersmelody December 8 2009, 08:22:00 UTC

Characters: John and Patrick Sheppard
Request: Patrick receives a call that his son has been badly injured in the line of duty. (Lends itself to AU, though it could use elements from any of the episodes where Sheppard is seriously hurt.)
Don't want: Patrick to be utterly cold and uncaring.

In the Line of Duty; PG (1/2) wildcat88 December 8 2009, 22:04:09 UTC

Patrick tossed the fifth revision of the ten year forecast into his trash can and was halfway through writing a scathing email to the head of the planning department when his secretary peeked in the door ( ... )

In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 8 2009, 22:04:57 UTC

Patrick stamped his feet against the bitter cold as he waited for the driver to open the door. No amount of wheedling had made Lane confess what had happened to John, but his son was no place he could get to before John would be sent to Germany. Private planes and friends in high places came in handy, and he was zipping along toward the medical center.

He was out the door before the vehicle came to a complete stop. He bounded up the steps and strode quickly to the front desk, demanding to see his son.

A fresh-faced lieutenant, who obviously wasn't used to dealing with overbearing civilians, blinked at him for a second then flushed and pecked at his keyboard.

"Um, sir, I don't see a Captain... Oh!" The boy's eyes rounded. "Yes, sir. Major John Sheppard is in ICU. Second floor ( ... )

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) kriadydragon December 8 2009, 22:55:42 UTC

Aww, that was so sad, but also really sweet. Well done :D

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 10 2009, 20:01:47 UTC

Thank you!

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) coolbreeze1 December 9 2009, 01:38:34 UTC

Really loved this - Patrick comes across as strong and hard yet we get a glimpse of the cracks in his tough exterior. I wanted this to be so much longer! Great little story!

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 10 2009, 20:04:49 UTC

Thanks! We have so little to go on about Patrick, but I imagine him as a tough business man with a soft side that rarely shows. Glad you liked!

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) sholio December 9 2009, 03:03:59 UTC

I liked this a lot! Patrick is a character that I've never found particularly sympathetic in canon, but I really liked your take on him. I especially liked that this could easily have fit into canon -- this might have happened, and yet John would never know.

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 10 2009, 20:07:37 UTC

Thank you! We know so little about Patrick other than he and John had a falling out that he regretted. I have a feeling that John's opinion of his dad was colored by past hurts and he didn't realize that Patrick was reaching out to him at times in his own way. My brain is canon wired so I'm thrilled this ficlet could fit there.

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) laughtersmelody December 9 2009, 08:11:28 UTC

This was wonderful. :) I loved your take on Patrick. There's a steel-like will there that's so easy to see in John, even when he pretends to be so much more relaxed and laid-back. I really enjoyed all of Patrick's thoughts about John. It's especially heartbreaking that Patrick didn't even realize that John had been promoted to Major...it says so much about the distance between them. Fantastic work!

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 10 2009, 20:09:10 UTC

Thanks! I think John is probably more like his dad than he'd like to admit (or even realizes).

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) x_erikah_x December 9 2009, 10:27:53 UTC

Awww, I loved this! I love John and Patrick stories.

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 10 2009, 20:10:04 UTC

Thanks! It was my first time to write Patrick, and I enjoyed the challenge of getting to know him a little.

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) space1traveler December 9 2009, 21:34:35 UTC

John and his dad. So much alike and yet so different; both fighting for the same thing and not knowing it. You can tell, by his actions, how proud Patrick is of his son and how much he loves him. He knows that Dave is like his mom, but John, John is every parent"s curse on their child's children. "I hope you have a kid just. like. you."

This was deeply moving and wonderfully written. Thanks.

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) wildcat88 December 10 2009, 20:11:01 UTC

Thank you! I'm so thrilled you liked it.

Re: In the Line of Duty; PG (2/2) titan5 December 9 2009, 23:12:03 UTC

This is so completely awesome!!! I was so hoping someone would answer this request and you did such a wonderful job. I think Patrick's POV is so dead on to what probably happened - especially

"but no matter how many times he tried to say them, the words always got stuck in his throat and twisted around until they came out as accusations and blame".

I have seen that exact thing happen between people before and that describes it perfectly. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!! This may have been someone else's request, but it really pushed my buttons.

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