INVASION BY wildcat88 [LFWS #1 ROUND 6]

[x_erikah_x]

Title: Invasion
Author: wildcat88
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate belongs to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc., no infringements of any rights is intended.
Spoilers: None
Prompt for the Round: Write a whump fic using Teyla and any female character(s). Teyla POV.

Comments

[rustydog]

You fit a lot of action and an interesting situation into very few words here, and I enjoyed it! On the other hand, I was often confused. Perhaps there was *too* much going on? I initially thought the room they were breaking into was the flooded room containing whomever they were saving, and then I didn't realize all the intruders in the room were women, so in the first paragraph of the fight I thought either Teyla or Amelia had had her skull cracked by the vent. Then, the third attacker freezes with her knife inches from Teyla, and I understand it's because Amelia is holding a gun, but it was a bit jarring jumping from that scene directly to Teyla taking the gun from Amelia's hands. What happened to the woman with the knife? She just remained frozen? I had to do quite a bit of re-reading to piece together what was happening.

[wildcat88]

I really appreciate your feedback. Concrit is the only way to know how to improve, and I'm so happy that you took the time to point out what needs to be worked on. Thank you so much! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it.

[2bluaeryn]

Very nice piece. I really like Amelia and hopefully we will see something similar if movies are forthcoming.

[wildcat88]

Thank you!