The only one I can really think of where Rodney's partner expresses surprise is A Little Bit More (But Not Too Much) by ladycat777. It's a John/Rodney AMTDI, but not in an angst-ridden sense, so I wouldn't expect it to ping any consent issues.
I don't remember them well enough to say if they meet your criteria, but if you're interested, I also have a dom!rodney tag at delicious with eight more possibilities.
OMG, one of my favorite-of-all-time dom!Rodney fics fits (most of) your request. (John is surprised & intrigued, but they're not partners--yet.) it's a crossover with Queer As Folk (U.S. version) & features explicit BDSM scenes between McKay & Brian Kinney.
If you enjoy Thanks for the Memories, skinscript wrote a smokin'-hot sequel, For Your Entertainment Summary: After Pittsburgh, John struggles to figure it all out: how did Rodney hide all this? Who is the real McKay under it all? And most importantly: What does John really want to do about it?
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I don't remember them well enough to say if they meet your criteria, but if you're interested, I also have a dom!rodney tag at delicious with eight more possibilities.
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Thanks for the Memories, Pt. 1 of 4 by skinscript
Summary: John sees a side of Rodney he had no idea existed, and Brian Kinney gets what he wants: Professor McKay.
If you enjoy Thanks for the Memories, skinscript wrote a smokin'-hot sequel, For Your Entertainment
Summary: After Pittsburgh, John struggles to figure it all out: how did Rodney hide all this? Who is the real McKay under it all? And most importantly: What does John really want to do about it?
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