Fic: The First Commandement of Pegasus (Emmagan/Sheppard)
Title: The First Commandement of Pegasus
Author: agriope23
Pairing: Sheppard/Teyla
Rating: PG-13, disturbing scenes
Recipient: tielan
Spoilers: Set in the second half of Season 2, before Michael.
Summary: The team returns to Atlantis... without Teyla.
Author's Note: Hope I got it right and apologies for the delay!
In a little under three years, John’s never been so happy to see a stargate. They broke into a run as soon they were set free, on the outer edges of the Divalan village, and every muscle hurts from the long run. Rodney not complaining about the exertion is the best reminder he needs that the situation is serious. They stumble to a halt beside the DHD, and Rodney leans heavily against it, struggling to catch his breath.
“McKay, dial the gate.”
“I don’t like this! We shouldn’t have left her there, I say we go back now!”
Ronon’s words echo John’s own desires. But caution, and not to mention Teyla, demands they return for backup.
“We’re way outnumbered. If we take them on, there’s no guarantee…”
“We can’t just leave her there!”
“I know!”
He hates it too. Leaving Teyla behind, held against her will, goes against every instinct, every decision he’s ever made as a military man. He’s always gone back when no one else would, when everyone said it was too dangerous. But he’s a lot older now and smart enough to realize that most of those halfcocked rescues ended badly. He’s the one giving the orders now and assessing threats. Being the one who stays has taken a backseat to making sure everyone lives.
Rodney pants loudly as he presses the last symbol and the wormhole comes to life, the vortex showing the way home and the final step in leaving her alone on this alien world. He takes a step to show the example and stops when none of his companions follow his lead.
“They won’t hurt her, will they?”
The truth is always better in these situations, usually that is.
“I don’t know Rodney, but we need help. That’s why we left and we’re wasting more time discussing this.”
Ronon snarls, looking back at the path they followed to get here, the one that’ll lead the rescue team right back. John’s patience snaps like an overwrought cable, threatening to bring down his constitution along with it.
“We don’t have time to play twenty questions or size this thing up a million ways! We are going through that gate and then we’re coming back.”
He steps aside and motions with his arm.
“After you.”
Ronon’s look as he steps forward promises terrible things if Teyla isn’t returned safe and sound. Rodney’s hesitant steps drag the ground and seem to embody all their feelings in leaving a teammate behind to face uncertainty. But Teyla said it would be okay, she asked that they lower their weapons and walk away. In her eyes he read the knowledge that they would return for her and get her home safe. She promised it’d be okay and he believes her. Now he just needs to do her faith in him justice.
It’s a meeting like they’ve had a thousand times, the same thousand times they’ve faced a crisis involving bad and dangerous fiends, expedition members in danger, annihilation drawing nigh. But Teyla’s usually there, making the decisive choices along with them. Her absence is felt in a way that only underlines her importance as Elizabeth, Lorne, John and Rodney settle around the table.
Ronon chooses to stand, but is otherwise silent so everyone leaves it be. The scene in the control room had been tense enough: he asked to go back immediately with backup, Elizabeth refused and called the meeting.
“So, what are we looking at?”
“We arrived on Divala less than two hours ago. Walked to the village, did the usual meet and greet and the leader asked us to their temple. Apparently, it’s customary for them to take visitors there before establishing any more contact. A sort of blessing from their gods.”
Ronon slams his fist into the table, startles Elizabeth and elicits an actual whimper from Rodney. Another time, another circumstance and John would have teased the scientist mercilessly for at least two weeks. As it is, he stores it away with all the rest of today’s events that he plans on forgetting, permanently. He eyes Ronon pointedly before turning back to Elizabeth.
“What happened then, John?”
“We barely get ten feet inside when this… device lights up and starts beeping on an altar.”
Elizabeth’s eyebrow lifts and it’s like watching the morning’s events all over again through her eyes. What she’s about to ask was the first thing that crossed his mind.
“You activated an Ancient device?”
“No… Teyla did.”
The same confusion’s on her face, but in all fairness, she figures it out a lot faster than he did.
“Why would the Divalans have Wraith artifacts in their temple?”
Ronon pulls back a chair, legs scraping against the floor and sits down slowly, tension in every movement. He folds his hands and leans over dramatically. His voice comes out low and hoarse, but he has everyone’s full attention.
“Because they’re Wraith worshippers. They built a temple to worship Wraith. And now they think Teyla is a goddess returned to them and only let us go because she told them to. They’re crazy, they worship Wraith, they have Teyla and we’re here, TALKING!”
John is eventually meaning to say the same things but he does admire the apparent restraint Ronon is exhibiting. The Satedan’s shoulder’s sag a little as he sits back in his chair, seemingly resigned to the way things are playing out. It makes John realize how much he’d hoped Ronon would prove him wrong, and push for another plan to be thought up.
Elizabeth blinks and looks away from Ronon, to refocus on John. He drags his mind back to the room and the task ahead.
“What kind of weapons did they have?”
“Looked like Wraith stunners, a lot of them. They also seem to have a lot of trained men: weapons, uniforms, strategic deployment around the village.”
“An army…”
“More of them showed up as they were ‘escorting’ us out of the village.”
Rodney pipes in, absentmindedly reliving the morning’s events.
“They didn’t bring out weapons till after Teyla reenacted the sword in the stone. We got outwitted by people who spend their whole lives praying a Wraith will feed on them! ”
“So, you’re telling me Teyla’s trapped on an unknown planet, with a people who worship the Wraith and may have been armed by them? John…”
Elizabeth doesn’t like to say it either, and John’s happy that for the first time today, he doesn’t have the final say.
“We can’t just rush back in and grab her. We need a plan, a good one.”
“I agree.”
It would be nice if the room went silent out of surprise. Instead, John recognizes it to be agreement and somehow it feels even worse. It’s a nightmare scenario and no Dedalus in orbit to smooth everything out. They’ll have to wait, to sit and wait for hours for the sun to go down on Divala and allow them cover to infiltrate the village.
Lorne’s remained silent up till now, respecting the feelings of those who had to leave a teammate behind. But his one contribution to the conversation is to the point and the last thing John wants to think about.
“Has anyone here thought that maybe that device serves a purpose? It could be a beacon or something else entirely. Either way, there’s a strong possibility that while we mount our rescue and wait for nightfall, the Wraith’ll be racing to that planet.”
“Rodney?”
The scientist jumps a little, the horror on his face an indication of the thoughts he’s been lost in.
Elizabeth’s voice is kind,
“The device, Rodney? Can you tell us what it is?”
“It just lit up in her presence and they wouldn’t let us touch it cause, you know... it’s sacred! But… uh, it could be a transmitter or …”
He sighs deeply and some part of John’s brain registers that coming from Rodney, his answer sounds a lot like an apology.
“It could be anything.”
He flies over to the mainland himself. Teyla is expected among her people later tonight and he wants to be the one to tell them. That’s the reason he gives himself for doing it personally. Shortening the wait by an hour, flying to and from the mainland has nothing to do with it. It has to be him.
The fires can be seen a mile away. The days the Athosians had to stay on the move and avoid giving away their position in the night are long gone. He remembers their first camp, built less firmly than this one. They’ve settled in here for the long haul and he can’t help but wonder if they’d stay. If Teyla…
He’s always greeted kindly, respectfully. Most Athosian never get his rank, his affiliation to the city and maybe even, his relationship to Teyla, out of their heads,. The children accept him and his stories with little hesitation but to the grown-ups… He feels like a constant reminder of the night they fled their home and the war that just won’t leave them alone. And it’s true he doesn’t come around too often either, careful not to think too much about what Teyla might have had and how responsible he is for her losing it.
There’s no door to knock on, only his voice to announce him before he steps into Halling’s tent. The Athosian welcomes him graciously enough, but John can’t help notice his eyes looking past him to the flap, expecting to see a slender woman with a radiant smile, happy to be home.
“Where is Teyla?”
“We came back from the last planet without her. The Divalans decided to keep her, they think she’s their new goddess.”
He should have dared to come more often, then he’d know what to say next and what to expect of this man. And the next time he’d see Halling, this conversation wouldn’t be the only thing on both their minds.
“Well, do you plan on retrieving her?”
“Of course! We’re waiting for nighttime so we can get her out with less casualties on both sides. Full out war is to no one’s advantage.”
“How did the rest of you return?”
It’s not an accusation, it’s merely a well-founded question. Also the one thing he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to say.
“They only wanted Teyla,… they’re Wraith worshippers.”
Halling nods like it’s just another bit of unwelcome news on bad day. John had expected fear, disgust and maybe a little anger. But definitely not this stoic acceptance.
“We’re waiting for nightfall to go in and bring her back. I just wanted you to know cause you were expecting her and…”
“After she learned she had some Wraith in her, there were those who feared Teyla. And she changed in some way I could never quite define. She confided in me less, she was absent for longer periods at a time… This discovery changed many things, but this is still her home, we are her people and we want her returned to us.”
Facing someone and telling them their loved one might never come back always felt inhuman somehow. Knowing you were their CO and the person who took them away in the first place made it even worse. He caused the change in Teyla, invited her to join his team and set her down this path. Nothing in his next statement is true, or wise, but he can’t help but say it.
“We’ll bring her back. I promise.’
He finds Rodney and Ronon in the gym as the last of the afternoon light filters in from the outside. They both raise their heads when he enters, Rodney over on the bench by the window and Ronon absentmindedly twirling the wooden rods, still looking thoroughly dangerous. John stands awkwardly for a moment and maybe that’s when they all realize why they sought out this room, what it is they’re trying to hold on to and keep alive. There are a few things he needs to say.
“Guys, I wouldn’t have left her if…”
“We know Sheppard.”
Rodney nods his agreement and John nods back acknowledging their faith in him.
“And Sheppard, I didn’t mean…”
If anything, the only reason he didn’t do what he’d wanted to do, what Ronon suggested was because of the rank he received to remind him of his responsibilities to everyone on this base. It’s his job to make the tough calls, nobody else’s.
“I know, Ronon.”
Rodney snorts and turns back towards the window.
“If Teyla was here she’d roll her eyes at the way the two of you are communicating.”
“She’d tell you to respect my abrupt and direct nature.”
“And she’d tell you to be patient. ‘Your time will come soon enough.’”
The three of them sigh in unison.
‘Yeah…”
It’s also his job to get them all through this.
“Let’s all get a little rest before we head out.”
The door closing behind him feels ominous.
No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get any rest. Instead he counts the seconds ticking by, imagines the Divalan sun’s movement across the sky, slowly and painstakingly giving way to night and Teyla’s rescue.
For the first time, he allows himself to actually think about her, about what she could be doing or thinking. She’d be afraid but would master it. After all, these people thought of her as their new goddess. She’d overcome her revulsion and play along on, do anything to buy them more time to come and get her.
The tables have been turned around often enough for him to also know what it’s like. He’s been trapped more than once waiting for rescue. And it always came. Wraith, alien bugs, infections, possessions,…. No one here ever gave up on him and he doesn’t plan to start either. We don’t leave anyone behind. Back on Earth they may have been nothing more than words that, if taken too literally, got you court-martialed, but here in Pegasus, this expedition’s turned them into a way of life.
There is some comfort in these last moments of not knowing. She isn’t home, but she’s not dead either. For now, he won’t have to retrace his steps and return to Halling’s tent to sit him down and tell him that he’s sorry, but he hasn’t kept his promise.
The little voice bursts into his thoughts again and it feels like she’s followed him around all day, advising him, giving him the strength to hold everyone together. She was with him throughout the meeting, she kept him in his seat and not hatching some crazy plan. She held his guilt at bay, reminding him she was her own woman. If he hadn’t asked her to join his team, she’d have volunteered to serve Atlantis. She shook her head quietly and sighed as he made his promise and watched lovingly as her teammates gathered in the place they got to know her best.
The thought of her helped him do what needed to be done, but it’s late now. Time for the final stretch and as he curls up on the bed, guilt and fear threaten to overwhelm him. He turns over and buries her head in the pillow that still smells like her. The one she rose from this morning, smiling and proclaiming that today would be a good day. She could feel it.
It’s one thing to be on Atlantis, wishing for Teyla back. It’s quite another to stand outside the door she’s being held captive in. Her locator beacon places her in this room, in the heart of the town and with the rest of the team standing guard, his P-90 in hand, John carefully pushes the iron door aside, stepping in cautiously.
He’s pulled into the room with a sharp tug and barely has time to turn and face his opponent. Something about the cadence of hits, the seamless speed and force they’re delivered in strike a cord as his back hits the floor. She’s on him immediately, a metal bar to his throat, and relief washes through him. Teyla, alive and kicking.
“I know you love kicking my ass, but how about we get you home first?”
Her shoulders relax and she gets up, offering him her hand.
“Your clothing made me think you were Divalan.”
“Good, then we still match. There’s a lot of people walking around, we thought it best to in.”
She looks down at her long black dress, with ornate gold decorations. Exactly the kind of dress Divalans would imagine a Wraith princess would wear.
“There will be vigils all night to celebrate my return.”
“You okay?”
Her can just make out her black eye and bruised cheek. No more than they’d expected and a lot better than he’d feared. She looks up at him and he hasn’t seen that look in her eyes in a long time. She sways on the spot as Lorne’s voice sounds in his ear.
“Sir…”
“I know, Lorne. I’ve got Teyla. Everyone back to the jumper., now!”
“They came…I brought them here.”
“This isn’t your fault, none of it is!”
He’s not sure she heard him but her grip on the 9 millimeter he hands her is firm and he allows it to be enough for now.
She follows him out into the dark corner and if it wasn’t for the uncomfortable Divalan pants and her creepy dress, it might just be another day in their lives. Of course, John redefines the concept of normal on a daily basis. But the scene that greets them in the streets as they exit the building is anything but normal, by any definition.
All the Divalans are outside. Men, women and children, all dressed in their ceremonial blacks, the design similar to Teyla’s dress. They’re on their knees, hands reaching towards the sky, at the Wraith hive ship coming closer and the dozens of darts hurrying towards them.
John hears Teyla’s gasp and she’s out of his reach and into the throng, before he has a chance to stop her. She grabs the nearest woman and shakes her, her voice resounding loud and clear, over the sounds of weeping and darts, hurtling downwards.
“Run! Save yourself, your children! They are coming!”
When the woman doesn’t respond, Teyla moves on and keeps going, trying to find someone who will listen.
“They will kill you! And your children! They will kill all of you!”
That’s when the weeping comes into focus, John begins to make out words and turn his head to a group of men in black cloaks near the temple entrance. They’re in the same pose as everyone else, they hands outstretched and he realizes it’s prayer, they want to be chosen.
Ronon reaches her before John can. He grabs her shoulders roughly and spins her around. She freezes and struggles a little before giving in and making her way back to John and their exit route. He watches her come nearer, her black dress billowing in the wind and for a second he doesn’t recognize her. He’s afraid she’s another Divalan and that she’ll choose to stay and die with the others.
The darts have reached the ground and are beginning their sweeps. John sees one woman, the first one Teyla shook, throw herself into a beam, her children looking on helplessly. Then both of Teyla’s hands are holding his free hand tightly and he pulls her forward, leading the three of them to safety.
The door chimes and his off the bed and on his feet faster than he can create conscious thought. He rushes towards her and yet, when the door part, she’s turning her back, walking away. She stands in the light, smiling a little tightly at being caught in the act.
“It is very late.”
“And it’s been a long day.”
It’s what he told himself as he watched her walk away from the infirmary, having refused to spend the night. The harsh lights revealed a split lip on top of the black eye and swollen cheek but they also rendered the stubbornness in her eyes visible. Carson argued out of habit and concern, but in the end Teyla left and they all let her.
She moves stiffly to sit on the bed and he waits for her to speak. They’ve been here before. After she found out she had some Wraith DNA, when Charin died, after he almost sacrificed himself in the siege. He’s visited her room late at night too, after Ford left, on the day the last of the iratus bug virus left his system…. They’ve got the routine down pat by now.
“You okay?”
“I feel…”
She rubs her palms together, the gesture so familiar he joins her on the bed and rubs her back. She welcomes his touch with a smile.
“..exhausted. All this because of a discarded power coil.”
“And with our luck, there just had to be one beacon in all the useless junk the Divalan kept as relics.”
“They hoarded them, kept them as treasures…”
“Well, you’d have to be really crazy to worship the Wraith. Or just really clueless.”
She walks over to stand by the window, silently looking out, hugging herself.
“There are so many Wraith awake…. The Divalans were culled about four months ago. The high priest’s daughter was taken.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Everyone else in Pegasus struggles to survive… It is one thing to not fight the Wraith, it is another to welcome death at their hands.”
She turns and looks so sad he doesn’t quite know what to say. If he’s learned anything in Pegasus, it’s not to read lines of causality too literally. The Hoffans invented a drug to save their people and instead they all died. John himself woke the Wraith. The stories go on and on and until they defeat the Wraith once and for all, what happened tonight will just be one more chapter in their book of horrors. Unusual and hitting very close to home, but certainly no one’s fault.
But then again, he’s also learning there’s strength in Teyla few people possess. While he tried to get them home safe, she tried to save people’s lives. It didn’t work out that way, but she tried and that means something. He told her once, in what seems a lifetime ago, before the siege and all their lives hanging in the balance, that he’d been taught and believed in seeing the bigger picture.
It wasn’t exactly true. He’s got a few botched rescues to prove it, and though his perspective has to be different today, even though it’s his job to see the bigger picture, he’s grateful he has someone nearby to focus on all the little details.
“My father called it a gift and it has saved many lives. I simply need to get used to the fact, that it has also caused a lot of deaths.”
She won’t listen to him, not tonight so he doesn’t even try. Instead he goes up to her and cups her uninjured cheek. It’s the closest he’s been to her since the last time dawn was breaking and he kisses her gently in the first rays of the day.
Her lips push back greedily against his and John knows she welcomes the tingling pain. She’ll let go of the ache little by little by focusing on the physical one, and his hands on her body. She’ll hold him tighter and tighter and recent events will begin to fade. They’ll recede into the darkest recesses of her mind, only to be let loose in the nightmares that wrench her away from his arms and have her sit up, drenched in sweat. Between the two of them, it’s amazing they get any sleep at all.
She crawls into the bed next to him and he spoons up to her, kisses her neck, breathing in her smell. He yawns into her hair as he slips his arm around her waist, holding her close.
“I’m ordering downtime for the team, we all need it. And you have to go to the mainland, I promised Halling I’d bring you back.”
“You told him? I was barely gone a day.”
It’s her turn to yawn as she tugs at the blanket.
“Think of it as a male bonding. Today seemed like forever though, I missed you.”
Memories of the day, the feeling of being without Teyla ease away as he releases the words. He doesn’t know what they’d do if they didn’t have this to lose themselves into, if there wasn’t each other’s arms to resurrect in. He’d like to think they’d still do it all but he changed profoundly the day he stopped being sure they would.
“I missed you too John. But today will be different, I feel it.”
Well, it could hardly get worse, this *is* Pegasus. But the woman in his arms proves it can also get better, better than anything you could ever have imagined. He holds onto that thought as he fall asleep, his lips on her collarbone, her heart bating steadily.
Author: agriope23
Pairing: Sheppard/Teyla
Rating: PG-13, disturbing scenes
Recipient: tielan
Spoilers: Set in the second half of Season 2, before Michael.
Summary: The team returns to Atlantis... without Teyla.
Author's Note: Hope I got it right and apologies for the delay!
In a little under three years, John’s never been so happy to see a stargate. They broke into a run as soon they were set free, on the outer edges of the Divalan village, and every muscle hurts from the long run. Rodney not complaining about the exertion is the best reminder he needs that the situation is serious. They stumble to a halt beside the DHD, and Rodney leans heavily against it, struggling to catch his breath.
“McKay, dial the gate.”
“I don’t like this! We shouldn’t have left her there, I say we go back now!”
Ronon’s words echo John’s own desires. But caution, and not to mention Teyla, demands they return for backup.
“We’re way outnumbered. If we take them on, there’s no guarantee…”
“We can’t just leave her there!”
“I know!”
He hates it too. Leaving Teyla behind, held against her will, goes against every instinct, every decision he’s ever made as a military man. He’s always gone back when no one else would, when everyone said it was too dangerous. But he’s a lot older now and smart enough to realize that most of those halfcocked rescues ended badly. He’s the one giving the orders now and assessing threats. Being the one who stays has taken a backseat to making sure everyone lives.
Rodney pants loudly as he presses the last symbol and the wormhole comes to life, the vortex showing the way home and the final step in leaving her alone on this alien world. He takes a step to show the example and stops when none of his companions follow his lead.
“They won’t hurt her, will they?”
The truth is always better in these situations, usually that is.
“I don’t know Rodney, but we need help. That’s why we left and we’re wasting more time discussing this.”
Ronon snarls, looking back at the path they followed to get here, the one that’ll lead the rescue team right back. John’s patience snaps like an overwrought cable, threatening to bring down his constitution along with it.
“We don’t have time to play twenty questions or size this thing up a million ways! We are going through that gate and then we’re coming back.”
He steps aside and motions with his arm.
“After you.”
Ronon’s look as he steps forward promises terrible things if Teyla isn’t returned safe and sound. Rodney’s hesitant steps drag the ground and seem to embody all their feelings in leaving a teammate behind to face uncertainty. But Teyla said it would be okay, she asked that they lower their weapons and walk away. In her eyes he read the knowledge that they would return for her and get her home safe. She promised it’d be okay and he believes her. Now he just needs to do her faith in him justice.
It’s a meeting like they’ve had a thousand times, the same thousand times they’ve faced a crisis involving bad and dangerous fiends, expedition members in danger, annihilation drawing nigh. But Teyla’s usually there, making the decisive choices along with them. Her absence is felt in a way that only underlines her importance as Elizabeth, Lorne, John and Rodney settle around the table.
Ronon chooses to stand, but is otherwise silent so everyone leaves it be. The scene in the control room had been tense enough: he asked to go back immediately with backup, Elizabeth refused and called the meeting.
“So, what are we looking at?”
“We arrived on Divala less than two hours ago. Walked to the village, did the usual meet and greet and the leader asked us to their temple. Apparently, it’s customary for them to take visitors there before establishing any more contact. A sort of blessing from their gods.”
Ronon slams his fist into the table, startles Elizabeth and elicits an actual whimper from Rodney. Another time, another circumstance and John would have teased the scientist mercilessly for at least two weeks. As it is, he stores it away with all the rest of today’s events that he plans on forgetting, permanently. He eyes Ronon pointedly before turning back to Elizabeth.
“What happened then, John?”
“We barely get ten feet inside when this… device lights up and starts beeping on an altar.”
Elizabeth’s eyebrow lifts and it’s like watching the morning’s events all over again through her eyes. What she’s about to ask was the first thing that crossed his mind.
“You activated an Ancient device?”
“No… Teyla did.”
The same confusion’s on her face, but in all fairness, she figures it out a lot faster than he did.
“Why would the Divalans have Wraith artifacts in their temple?”
Ronon pulls back a chair, legs scraping against the floor and sits down slowly, tension in every movement. He folds his hands and leans over dramatically. His voice comes out low and hoarse, but he has everyone’s full attention.
“Because they’re Wraith worshippers. They built a temple to worship Wraith. And now they think Teyla is a goddess returned to them and only let us go because she told them to. They’re crazy, they worship Wraith, they have Teyla and we’re here, TALKING!”
John is eventually meaning to say the same things but he does admire the apparent restraint Ronon is exhibiting. The Satedan’s shoulder’s sag a little as he sits back in his chair, seemingly resigned to the way things are playing out. It makes John realize how much he’d hoped Ronon would prove him wrong, and push for another plan to be thought up.
Elizabeth blinks and looks away from Ronon, to refocus on John. He drags his mind back to the room and the task ahead.
“What kind of weapons did they have?”
“Looked like Wraith stunners, a lot of them. They also seem to have a lot of trained men: weapons, uniforms, strategic deployment around the village.”
“An army…”
“More of them showed up as they were ‘escorting’ us out of the village.”
Rodney pipes in, absentmindedly reliving the morning’s events.
“They didn’t bring out weapons till after Teyla reenacted the sword in the stone. We got outwitted by people who spend their whole lives praying a Wraith will feed on them! ”
“So, you’re telling me Teyla’s trapped on an unknown planet, with a people who worship the Wraith and may have been armed by them? John…”
Elizabeth doesn’t like to say it either, and John’s happy that for the first time today, he doesn’t have the final say.
“We can’t just rush back in and grab her. We need a plan, a good one.”
“I agree.”
It would be nice if the room went silent out of surprise. Instead, John recognizes it to be agreement and somehow it feels even worse. It’s a nightmare scenario and no Dedalus in orbit to smooth everything out. They’ll have to wait, to sit and wait for hours for the sun to go down on Divala and allow them cover to infiltrate the village.
Lorne’s remained silent up till now, respecting the feelings of those who had to leave a teammate behind. But his one contribution to the conversation is to the point and the last thing John wants to think about.
“Has anyone here thought that maybe that device serves a purpose? It could be a beacon or something else entirely. Either way, there’s a strong possibility that while we mount our rescue and wait for nightfall, the Wraith’ll be racing to that planet.”
“Rodney?”
The scientist jumps a little, the horror on his face an indication of the thoughts he’s been lost in.
Elizabeth’s voice is kind,
“The device, Rodney? Can you tell us what it is?”
“It just lit up in her presence and they wouldn’t let us touch it cause, you know... it’s sacred! But… uh, it could be a transmitter or …”
He sighs deeply and some part of John’s brain registers that coming from Rodney, his answer sounds a lot like an apology.
“It could be anything.”
He flies over to the mainland himself. Teyla is expected among her people later tonight and he wants to be the one to tell them. That’s the reason he gives himself for doing it personally. Shortening the wait by an hour, flying to and from the mainland has nothing to do with it. It has to be him.
The fires can be seen a mile away. The days the Athosians had to stay on the move and avoid giving away their position in the night are long gone. He remembers their first camp, built less firmly than this one. They’ve settled in here for the long haul and he can’t help but wonder if they’d stay. If Teyla…
He’s always greeted kindly, respectfully. Most Athosian never get his rank, his affiliation to the city and maybe even, his relationship to Teyla, out of their heads,. The children accept him and his stories with little hesitation but to the grown-ups… He feels like a constant reminder of the night they fled their home and the war that just won’t leave them alone. And it’s true he doesn’t come around too often either, careful not to think too much about what Teyla might have had and how responsible he is for her losing it.
There’s no door to knock on, only his voice to announce him before he steps into Halling’s tent. The Athosian welcomes him graciously enough, but John can’t help notice his eyes looking past him to the flap, expecting to see a slender woman with a radiant smile, happy to be home.
“Where is Teyla?”
“We came back from the last planet without her. The Divalans decided to keep her, they think she’s their new goddess.”
He should have dared to come more often, then he’d know what to say next and what to expect of this man. And the next time he’d see Halling, this conversation wouldn’t be the only thing on both their minds.
“Well, do you plan on retrieving her?”
“Of course! We’re waiting for nighttime so we can get her out with less casualties on both sides. Full out war is to no one’s advantage.”
“How did the rest of you return?”
It’s not an accusation, it’s merely a well-founded question. Also the one thing he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to say.
“They only wanted Teyla,… they’re Wraith worshippers.”
Halling nods like it’s just another bit of unwelcome news on bad day. John had expected fear, disgust and maybe a little anger. But definitely not this stoic acceptance.
“We’re waiting for nightfall to go in and bring her back. I just wanted you to know cause you were expecting her and…”
“After she learned she had some Wraith in her, there were those who feared Teyla. And she changed in some way I could never quite define. She confided in me less, she was absent for longer periods at a time… This discovery changed many things, but this is still her home, we are her people and we want her returned to us.”
Facing someone and telling them their loved one might never come back always felt inhuman somehow. Knowing you were their CO and the person who took them away in the first place made it even worse. He caused the change in Teyla, invited her to join his team and set her down this path. Nothing in his next statement is true, or wise, but he can’t help but say it.
“We’ll bring her back. I promise.’
He finds Rodney and Ronon in the gym as the last of the afternoon light filters in from the outside. They both raise their heads when he enters, Rodney over on the bench by the window and Ronon absentmindedly twirling the wooden rods, still looking thoroughly dangerous. John stands awkwardly for a moment and maybe that’s when they all realize why they sought out this room, what it is they’re trying to hold on to and keep alive. There are a few things he needs to say.
“Guys, I wouldn’t have left her if…”
“We know Sheppard.”
Rodney nods his agreement and John nods back acknowledging their faith in him.
“And Sheppard, I didn’t mean…”
If anything, the only reason he didn’t do what he’d wanted to do, what Ronon suggested was because of the rank he received to remind him of his responsibilities to everyone on this base. It’s his job to make the tough calls, nobody else’s.
“I know, Ronon.”
Rodney snorts and turns back towards the window.
“If Teyla was here she’d roll her eyes at the way the two of you are communicating.”
“She’d tell you to respect my abrupt and direct nature.”
“And she’d tell you to be patient. ‘Your time will come soon enough.’”
The three of them sigh in unison.
‘Yeah…”
It’s also his job to get them all through this.
“Let’s all get a little rest before we head out.”
The door closing behind him feels ominous.
No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get any rest. Instead he counts the seconds ticking by, imagines the Divalan sun’s movement across the sky, slowly and painstakingly giving way to night and Teyla’s rescue.
For the first time, he allows himself to actually think about her, about what she could be doing or thinking. She’d be afraid but would master it. After all, these people thought of her as their new goddess. She’d overcome her revulsion and play along on, do anything to buy them more time to come and get her.
The tables have been turned around often enough for him to also know what it’s like. He’s been trapped more than once waiting for rescue. And it always came. Wraith, alien bugs, infections, possessions,…. No one here ever gave up on him and he doesn’t plan to start either. We don’t leave anyone behind. Back on Earth they may have been nothing more than words that, if taken too literally, got you court-martialed, but here in Pegasus, this expedition’s turned them into a way of life.
There is some comfort in these last moments of not knowing. She isn’t home, but she’s not dead either. For now, he won’t have to retrace his steps and return to Halling’s tent to sit him down and tell him that he’s sorry, but he hasn’t kept his promise.
The little voice bursts into his thoughts again and it feels like she’s followed him around all day, advising him, giving him the strength to hold everyone together. She was with him throughout the meeting, she kept him in his seat and not hatching some crazy plan. She held his guilt at bay, reminding him she was her own woman. If he hadn’t asked her to join his team, she’d have volunteered to serve Atlantis. She shook her head quietly and sighed as he made his promise and watched lovingly as her teammates gathered in the place they got to know her best.
The thought of her helped him do what needed to be done, but it’s late now. Time for the final stretch and as he curls up on the bed, guilt and fear threaten to overwhelm him. He turns over and buries her head in the pillow that still smells like her. The one she rose from this morning, smiling and proclaiming that today would be a good day. She could feel it.
It’s one thing to be on Atlantis, wishing for Teyla back. It’s quite another to stand outside the door she’s being held captive in. Her locator beacon places her in this room, in the heart of the town and with the rest of the team standing guard, his P-90 in hand, John carefully pushes the iron door aside, stepping in cautiously.
He’s pulled into the room with a sharp tug and barely has time to turn and face his opponent. Something about the cadence of hits, the seamless speed and force they’re delivered in strike a cord as his back hits the floor. She’s on him immediately, a metal bar to his throat, and relief washes through him. Teyla, alive and kicking.
“I know you love kicking my ass, but how about we get you home first?”
Her shoulders relax and she gets up, offering him her hand.
“Your clothing made me think you were Divalan.”
“Good, then we still match. There’s a lot of people walking around, we thought it best to in.”
She looks down at her long black dress, with ornate gold decorations. Exactly the kind of dress Divalans would imagine a Wraith princess would wear.
“There will be vigils all night to celebrate my return.”
“You okay?”
Her can just make out her black eye and bruised cheek. No more than they’d expected and a lot better than he’d feared. She looks up at him and he hasn’t seen that look in her eyes in a long time. She sways on the spot as Lorne’s voice sounds in his ear.
“Sir…”
“I know, Lorne. I’ve got Teyla. Everyone back to the jumper., now!”
“They came…I brought them here.”
“This isn’t your fault, none of it is!”
He’s not sure she heard him but her grip on the 9 millimeter he hands her is firm and he allows it to be enough for now.
She follows him out into the dark corner and if it wasn’t for the uncomfortable Divalan pants and her creepy dress, it might just be another day in their lives. Of course, John redefines the concept of normal on a daily basis. But the scene that greets them in the streets as they exit the building is anything but normal, by any definition.
All the Divalans are outside. Men, women and children, all dressed in their ceremonial blacks, the design similar to Teyla’s dress. They’re on their knees, hands reaching towards the sky, at the Wraith hive ship coming closer and the dozens of darts hurrying towards them.
John hears Teyla’s gasp and she’s out of his reach and into the throng, before he has a chance to stop her. She grabs the nearest woman and shakes her, her voice resounding loud and clear, over the sounds of weeping and darts, hurtling downwards.
“Run! Save yourself, your children! They are coming!”
When the woman doesn’t respond, Teyla moves on and keeps going, trying to find someone who will listen.
“They will kill you! And your children! They will kill all of you!”
That’s when the weeping comes into focus, John begins to make out words and turn his head to a group of men in black cloaks near the temple entrance. They’re in the same pose as everyone else, they hands outstretched and he realizes it’s prayer, they want to be chosen.
Ronon reaches her before John can. He grabs her shoulders roughly and spins her around. She freezes and struggles a little before giving in and making her way back to John and their exit route. He watches her come nearer, her black dress billowing in the wind and for a second he doesn’t recognize her. He’s afraid she’s another Divalan and that she’ll choose to stay and die with the others.
The darts have reached the ground and are beginning their sweeps. John sees one woman, the first one Teyla shook, throw herself into a beam, her children looking on helplessly. Then both of Teyla’s hands are holding his free hand tightly and he pulls her forward, leading the three of them to safety.
The door chimes and his off the bed and on his feet faster than he can create conscious thought. He rushes towards her and yet, when the door part, she’s turning her back, walking away. She stands in the light, smiling a little tightly at being caught in the act.
“It is very late.”
“And it’s been a long day.”
It’s what he told himself as he watched her walk away from the infirmary, having refused to spend the night. The harsh lights revealed a split lip on top of the black eye and swollen cheek but they also rendered the stubbornness in her eyes visible. Carson argued out of habit and concern, but in the end Teyla left and they all let her.
She moves stiffly to sit on the bed and he waits for her to speak. They’ve been here before. After she found out she had some Wraith DNA, when Charin died, after he almost sacrificed himself in the siege. He’s visited her room late at night too, after Ford left, on the day the last of the iratus bug virus left his system…. They’ve got the routine down pat by now.
“You okay?”
“I feel…”
She rubs her palms together, the gesture so familiar he joins her on the bed and rubs her back. She welcomes his touch with a smile.
“..exhausted. All this because of a discarded power coil.”
“And with our luck, there just had to be one beacon in all the useless junk the Divalan kept as relics.”
“They hoarded them, kept them as treasures…”
“Well, you’d have to be really crazy to worship the Wraith. Or just really clueless.”
She walks over to stand by the window, silently looking out, hugging herself.
“There are so many Wraith awake…. The Divalans were culled about four months ago. The high priest’s daughter was taken.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Everyone else in Pegasus struggles to survive… It is one thing to not fight the Wraith, it is another to welcome death at their hands.”
She turns and looks so sad he doesn’t quite know what to say. If he’s learned anything in Pegasus, it’s not to read lines of causality too literally. The Hoffans invented a drug to save their people and instead they all died. John himself woke the Wraith. The stories go on and on and until they defeat the Wraith once and for all, what happened tonight will just be one more chapter in their book of horrors. Unusual and hitting very close to home, but certainly no one’s fault.
But then again, he’s also learning there’s strength in Teyla few people possess. While he tried to get them home safe, she tried to save people’s lives. It didn’t work out that way, but she tried and that means something. He told her once, in what seems a lifetime ago, before the siege and all their lives hanging in the balance, that he’d been taught and believed in seeing the bigger picture.
It wasn’t exactly true. He’s got a few botched rescues to prove it, and though his perspective has to be different today, even though it’s his job to see the bigger picture, he’s grateful he has someone nearby to focus on all the little details.
“My father called it a gift and it has saved many lives. I simply need to get used to the fact, that it has also caused a lot of deaths.”
She won’t listen to him, not tonight so he doesn’t even try. Instead he goes up to her and cups her uninjured cheek. It’s the closest he’s been to her since the last time dawn was breaking and he kisses her gently in the first rays of the day.
Her lips push back greedily against his and John knows she welcomes the tingling pain. She’ll let go of the ache little by little by focusing on the physical one, and his hands on her body. She’ll hold him tighter and tighter and recent events will begin to fade. They’ll recede into the darkest recesses of her mind, only to be let loose in the nightmares that wrench her away from his arms and have her sit up, drenched in sweat. Between the two of them, it’s amazing they get any sleep at all.
She crawls into the bed next to him and he spoons up to her, kisses her neck, breathing in her smell. He yawns into her hair as he slips his arm around her waist, holding her close.
“I’m ordering downtime for the team, we all need it. And you have to go to the mainland, I promised Halling I’d bring you back.”
“You told him? I was barely gone a day.”
It’s her turn to yawn as she tugs at the blanket.
“Think of it as a male bonding. Today seemed like forever though, I missed you.”
Memories of the day, the feeling of being without Teyla ease away as he releases the words. He doesn’t know what they’d do if they didn’t have this to lose themselves into, if there wasn’t each other’s arms to resurrect in. He’d like to think they’d still do it all but he changed profoundly the day he stopped being sure they would.
“I missed you too John. But today will be different, I feel it.”
Well, it could hardly get worse, this *is* Pegasus. But the woman in his arms proves it can also get better, better than anything you could ever have imagined. He holds onto that thought as he fall asleep, his lips on her collarbone, her heart bating steadily.