"In Your Shoes" By Alleonh [Role Reversal Challenge]
Title: In Your Shoes
Word Count: 1200ish
Rating: Teen, kinda dark
Characters: Rodney
Spoilers: 5.04 The Daedalus Variations
Summary: It was kind of hard to enjoy the rest of the episode when, only ten minutes in, I got this stuck in my head...
The others were combing the rest of the empty Daedalus for supplies, not like they'd find any that the other Alternate Ronon hadn't devoured before he'd...they'd...
Rodney stiffened unconsciously as he sat at the console. It held familiarity in that it was Daedalus tech all the way, but it was also very alien. He found himself wondering, what was this space used for in their Daedalus? Engineering? Storage?
“Rodney, have you found anything yet?” Sheppard's voice called over the radio.
“Yes, in the approximately three minutes since you last asked that, I've solved the problem entirely and was just about to dive into a rousing game of Sudoku.”
He waited through the pause that was undoubtedly a display of patented John Sheppard lip pursing, eye rolling, or grimacing before the tight response came back, “Just...let me know when you have something.”
Instead of dignifying that pointless statement with a response, Rodney grabbed the tablet computer that held all of the other McKay's notes on the Alternate Reality Drive. He'd been guarding it since he'd found it lying next to the dead body. It was insane, he knew there were infinite other realities, infinite other Rodney McKays but still... to see someone draping a blanket over your own dead face...He couldn't get the image out of his mind, kept seeing it every time he blinked.
And the computer....
Rodney had never kept a journal, it was all a bit maudlin to him and who really had the time to waste writing down thoughts when there was so much “running from the bad guys” to do? Somehow he thought that the other McKay was the same way. All of the notes on the Alternate Reality Drive were made in the same Rodney McKay shorthand that would otherwise have been unreadable to anyone other than himself; but there was also the journal. Tucked away in an innocuous little file, it only spanned a few days. But it was the few days of a man who knew he was going to die.
Rodney couldn't stomach reading over all of the entries. Light skimming revealed too many of his own thoughts about his life and regrets, plus a little unfinished footnote on leadership. But the last entry he couldn't stop his eyes from taking in, as much as he wanted to.
This is going to be the last entry on this tablet. I've exhausted every possible option for getting the Alternate Reality Drive to work, but in the end the possibilities are endless. We will keep going forward through the realities, but without the coordinate navigational system operational it will be impossible to predict which realities we may come to next. I'm actually surprised that we haven't been thrown into a reality yet where the sun has reached its Red Giant phase or......
The entry trailed into a number of possible realities that the already wrecked ship couldn't possibly survive; some that Rodney himself had not even considered. He felt his pulse quickening, and so skipped ahead to avoid the panic attack he felt coming on.
...Sheppard gave me his last power bar. He said he had more, but I know he's lying, the bastard. He still thinks I can save us. He's trying to keep my strength up so that I can come up with some kind of brilliant plan to get us out of this. The funny thing is that I think I do know how we could return home; it was some stupid suggestion that Sheppard made not long after we arrived here, but that I ignored. But we've been trapped here for weeks while the drive has propelled us through so many realities that I've finally lost track. Even if I implemented the plan now, we'd never survive long enough to make it back to our Atlantis. Stasis Pods on the Daedalus. If anyone finds this tablet, and there is a Daedalus in your reality, make sure that becomes a standard feature. Though the energy requirements to keep enough functional for the crew would be nothing short of a ZPM, or at least....
Once again the journal strayed into off topic, and though Rodney found the power efficiency theories interesting, he could see elementary problems in the most basic of the theories. It was nervous babbling, plain and simple and rambling... and hitting way too close to home.
...They would never forgive me if they knew. I will never forgive myself, but at least I won't be alive long enough to have to deal with the guilt for very long. Pretty cowardly, isn't it? But you can't see them, they're DYING. Everyday they are getting weaker and weaker and I can't do a damn thing to save them. I've been thinking for the past few days that the day I can save us is the day that hell freezes over. So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to make hell freeze over. I apologize to anyone who comes on board, I've cut the power back to emergency systems only. It's going to get very cold in here. But I've felt hypothermia before, that time on MX4-88 whatever. It's cold and miserable for a while, but the last few minutes you're awake is kind of floaty, and it doesn't hurt so much, and you can't really think clearly anymore. It's kind of nice, nicer than this anyway. Better than watching the only people who ever really gave a damn about you starve to death. I've also began slowly venting the atmosphere. It's a controlled vent, no one will ever know, and once the oxygen levels dip below 3% saturation repressurization will begin.
John- I always thought I understood why you felt you had to kill Colonel Sumner all those years ago, but I never really got it until just now.
I am so sorry.
M Rodney McKay, PhD
Rodney stared unseeing at the tablet for a long time, blinking his eyes rapidly against the sudden wetness there. It was hard to swallow and his heart felt like something had ripped it from his chest and stabbed it. He released a shuddering breath and tried to focus, but still he refused to look at the screen as the enormity of their problem sank in. He couldn't do it.... if their roles had been reversed and it had been him in the other McKay's shoes, he'd never have had the courage to do what the other McKay had done. But...the team, that McKay's team...they'd all had such peaceful expressions on their faces. They had never known, they'd just fallen asleep, still clinging to the hope that Rodney would take care of them till the very end.
But they weren't at the end, not yet, not by a long shot. There was still a chance that Rodney could figure this out, could take them back home. And if they reached the point where there wasn't time anymore... He refused to think that far ahead because right now there was still time.
It was with that thought in mind that he resolutely erased the journal of the other McKay-- no one else needed to see it, no one else would ever have understood--, pulled up the notes on the reality drive and went to work.
-End-
A/N: ;____; I've completely depressed myself now. I gotta go read something happy....
Word Count: 1200ish
Rating: Teen, kinda dark
Characters: Rodney
Spoilers: 5.04 The Daedalus Variations
Summary: It was kind of hard to enjoy the rest of the episode when, only ten minutes in, I got this stuck in my head...
The others were combing the rest of the empty Daedalus for supplies, not like they'd find any that the other Alternate Ronon hadn't devoured before he'd...they'd...
Rodney stiffened unconsciously as he sat at the console. It held familiarity in that it was Daedalus tech all the way, but it was also very alien. He found himself wondering, what was this space used for in their Daedalus? Engineering? Storage?
“Rodney, have you found anything yet?” Sheppard's voice called over the radio.
“Yes, in the approximately three minutes since you last asked that, I've solved the problem entirely and was just about to dive into a rousing game of Sudoku.”
He waited through the pause that was undoubtedly a display of patented John Sheppard lip pursing, eye rolling, or grimacing before the tight response came back, “Just...let me know when you have something.”
Instead of dignifying that pointless statement with a response, Rodney grabbed the tablet computer that held all of the other McKay's notes on the Alternate Reality Drive. He'd been guarding it since he'd found it lying next to the dead body. It was insane, he knew there were infinite other realities, infinite other Rodney McKays but still... to see someone draping a blanket over your own dead face...He couldn't get the image out of his mind, kept seeing it every time he blinked.
And the computer....
Rodney had never kept a journal, it was all a bit maudlin to him and who really had the time to waste writing down thoughts when there was so much “running from the bad guys” to do? Somehow he thought that the other McKay was the same way. All of the notes on the Alternate Reality Drive were made in the same Rodney McKay shorthand that would otherwise have been unreadable to anyone other than himself; but there was also the journal. Tucked away in an innocuous little file, it only spanned a few days. But it was the few days of a man who knew he was going to die.
Rodney couldn't stomach reading over all of the entries. Light skimming revealed too many of his own thoughts about his life and regrets, plus a little unfinished footnote on leadership. But the last entry he couldn't stop his eyes from taking in, as much as he wanted to.
This is going to be the last entry on this tablet. I've exhausted every possible option for getting the Alternate Reality Drive to work, but in the end the possibilities are endless. We will keep going forward through the realities, but without the coordinate navigational system operational it will be impossible to predict which realities we may come to next. I'm actually surprised that we haven't been thrown into a reality yet where the sun has reached its Red Giant phase or......
The entry trailed into a number of possible realities that the already wrecked ship couldn't possibly survive; some that Rodney himself had not even considered. He felt his pulse quickening, and so skipped ahead to avoid the panic attack he felt coming on.
...Sheppard gave me his last power bar. He said he had more, but I know he's lying, the bastard. He still thinks I can save us. He's trying to keep my strength up so that I can come up with some kind of brilliant plan to get us out of this. The funny thing is that I think I do know how we could return home; it was some stupid suggestion that Sheppard made not long after we arrived here, but that I ignored. But we've been trapped here for weeks while the drive has propelled us through so many realities that I've finally lost track. Even if I implemented the plan now, we'd never survive long enough to make it back to our Atlantis. Stasis Pods on the Daedalus. If anyone finds this tablet, and there is a Daedalus in your reality, make sure that becomes a standard feature. Though the energy requirements to keep enough functional for the crew would be nothing short of a ZPM, or at least....
Once again the journal strayed into off topic, and though Rodney found the power efficiency theories interesting, he could see elementary problems in the most basic of the theories. It was nervous babbling, plain and simple and rambling... and hitting way too close to home.
...They would never forgive me if they knew. I will never forgive myself, but at least I won't be alive long enough to have to deal with the guilt for very long. Pretty cowardly, isn't it? But you can't see them, they're DYING. Everyday they are getting weaker and weaker and I can't do a damn thing to save them. I've been thinking for the past few days that the day I can save us is the day that hell freezes over. So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to make hell freeze over. I apologize to anyone who comes on board, I've cut the power back to emergency systems only. It's going to get very cold in here. But I've felt hypothermia before, that time on MX4-88 whatever. It's cold and miserable for a while, but the last few minutes you're awake is kind of floaty, and it doesn't hurt so much, and you can't really think clearly anymore. It's kind of nice, nicer than this anyway. Better than watching the only people who ever really gave a damn about you starve to death. I've also began slowly venting the atmosphere. It's a controlled vent, no one will ever know, and once the oxygen levels dip below 3% saturation repressurization will begin.
John- I always thought I understood why you felt you had to kill Colonel Sumner all those years ago, but I never really got it until just now.
I am so sorry.
M Rodney McKay, PhD
Rodney stared unseeing at the tablet for a long time, blinking his eyes rapidly against the sudden wetness there. It was hard to swallow and his heart felt like something had ripped it from his chest and stabbed it. He released a shuddering breath and tried to focus, but still he refused to look at the screen as the enormity of their problem sank in. He couldn't do it.... if their roles had been reversed and it had been him in the other McKay's shoes, he'd never have had the courage to do what the other McKay had done. But...the team, that McKay's team...they'd all had such peaceful expressions on their faces. They had never known, they'd just fallen asleep, still clinging to the hope that Rodney would take care of them till the very end.
But they weren't at the end, not yet, not by a long shot. There was still a chance that Rodney could figure this out, could take them back home. And if they reached the point where there wasn't time anymore... He refused to think that far ahead because right now there was still time.
It was with that thought in mind that he resolutely erased the journal of the other McKay-- no one else needed to see it, no one else would ever have understood--, pulled up the notes on the reality drive and went to work.
-End-
A/N: ;____; I've completely depressed myself now. I gotta go read something happy....