Comments | sga_flashfic: From Childhood's Hour--by Frostfire

frostfire_17 in sga_flashfic

From Childhood's Hour--by Frostfire

May 02, 2005 22:11

In the settling dust, Major Sheppard’s hand lands on Rodney’s leg. “McKay?” It travels up, and Rodney’s too busy panicking about the cave-in to realize where it’s going, to notice exactly where his pants are ripped-

The hand freezes on his left thigh, skin against bare skin. “McKay. You okay?”

Breathe. In. Out. Panic attacks bad. ( Read more... )

challenge: bloody, author: frostfire

Comments 18

tafkarfanfic May 3 2005, 05:49:32 UTC

Wow. I really like this a lot.

frostfire_17 May 3 2005, 07:03:01 UTC

Thanks.

anonymous May 3 2005, 06:26:35 UTC

Wow. Really impressive. Very much in character: Shep knows what these scars imply and McKay knows he knows but they won't talk about it. Not there, at least. Probably not ever. I am sure neither of them would have THE TALK after they get back, the one starting "Oh, Rodney, about those scars, tell me all about your bad childhood ..".

I believe that's why you could not expand the story: all you could write about is how they got into the caved-in ... aehm.. cave ? ... and how they got out, which has nothing to do with this scene, really.

Perfect just as it is. Thanks.

Jo

frostfire_17 May 3 2005, 07:04:43 UTC

Thanks! Glad you liked it...and yeah, I can definitely see what you mean with the not-expanding. You raise my writerly self-esteem. Yay!

...um. Got into the cave-in, I'd say. Or...got caved in, also?

canadian_snoopy May 3 2005, 06:57:36 UTC

You know the thing I liked best about this? How you managed to say so *much* with so few words, like the sharpest and thinnest knife imaginable just sneaking between your ribs and killing you before you even realize you're in trouble.

I've never managed this and I'm always wicked jealous of people who pull it off. You, m'dear, have pulled it off.

Most excellent!

frostfire_17 May 3 2005, 07:06:23 UTC

*blush* Thanks. Glad you liked it...and, hey, I inspired jealousy. Cool! *dorky grin*

But, yeah. This fic refused to be anything but short and...something totally not sweet.

neery July 15 2005, 19:35:52 UTC

What she said! (Because I don't want to have to come up with another way to say the exact same thing, when she's put it more elegantly than I could, anyway.)

tinnny May 3 2005, 08:17:47 UTC

I admit I never really get those self-mutilation things. But you offer actual reasons why he did it, it makes a bit more sense to me now.

I really like the descriptions of panic. Very panicky.

Sometimes I think I like short glimpses better than long stories - they make me think more. :)

4ensicbones May 3 2005, 19:31:08 UTC

Everything I wanted to say has already been said. Damnit.

Wonderfully written, and perfect the way it is.