Second Chance by Sian 1359 (Second Verse Challenge) 3/3

[sian1359]

Comments

[adafrog]

Very cool.

(Um, you might want to link them all together so it's easier to find the parts.)

[sian1359]

Thank you.

And yeah, I got to the links after dinner.

[goddess47]

Nicely done, putting everyone together in this AU.... 'Tina' is going to so beat Rodney's ass if he doesn't learn her name pretty soon..... but I suspect John will protect him..... LOL..... fun!

[sian1359]

Thank you. It was fun to see how to make things fit. And I love figuring out how Rodney is going to mess up names.

[dossier]

fantastic story. I lived in Houston for 25 years, and used the tunnel system quite extensively when I worked downtown so I know it well. The setting works for me! I will always love Sheppard as FBI, and I love the team that you set up for him. Lots of great canon details worked into the story, too.

[sian1359]

Ooh thanks for the validation. All I really remember of the tunnels is I was in junior high and attending the dog show with a friend, and we could get from there to the arena where the LA Sharks were practicing for an upcoming hockey game by going into the building's basement -- and that I really had a feeling we weren't supposed to be down there, except nothing was locked down. No other people around, so it was very cool and a little scary and even then, I thought it'd make a good place for a story, but I was thinking movies at that age. So most of the actual bits here were gaked from the net to flesh it out with what I'd hoped was reasonable accuracy.

Glad you liked the story too ;)

[teenygozer]

EEEEEE! This had enough ratcheted-up tension in it to be part of the Bourne trilogy, especially part two. There was just enough description of the surroundings to inform, but not too much to bog it down, the story had great flow, and OMIGOD STRESS... yeah, this AU is really great spy-thriller material. Perfect characterizations that work well where you put them in the AU. I actually find myself with a deeper understanding of Bates now, you pegged him so well!

Couple of typos in one sentence:
But someone steps on his fingers and the body that had stayed underneath his as he finally slid to a heap at the bottom of the stairs was limb,

I think it should be "had stepped" and "limp".

[sian1359]

Thank you for your great feedback. I'm glad you liked it.

And thanks so much for the typo catch. I knew I had to have some somewhere ;)

[emeraldteal]

I loved this, felt like an action-adventure and spy thriller all in one. Lovely background characterizations for everyone too. :)

(but you might want to look it over again, because you spelled Sheppard as Shepherd interchangeably)

Normal people (non geeks) -- FBI people -- do not quote the Hitchhiker's Guide and quantum physics unless they're flirting. And guys didn't flirt with other guys unless they were truly interested.

LOL. I'm glad John and Rodney flirt the same way in any universe. *g*

[sian1359]

Actually, Rodney mispells Sheppard's name ;) In simply being introduced, how would he know?

I'd originally had something about this in the notes, then decided it was too wierd and I intended to go back and change it, but I guess I only removed the note and kept the affectation in my hurry to post before the challenge ended.

Glad it didn't stop your enjoyment of the story.

[emeraldteal]

Gah! Now I'm all embarrassed. *facepalm*

I should've remembered cause he kept calling Teyla, Tina. :D (and Rodney using his inside voice out loud never stops being funny)

Thanks again. :)

[sian1359]

Don't be -- I really wasn't sure whether it was conceit on my part to try it or not. It's like writing accents, just something else that can throw someone out of the story, which should never be the author's intent.

Rodney just wouldn't be Rodney if he self-censored.