The Palest Ink

[reen212000]

Body modification challenge.

A/N:All right. I’ve never written anything like this, so be kind. But it popped into my head and wouldn’t leave me alone. Just havin’ some fun...

Summary: John’s got body paint. Who’s gonna get painted? You decide

Comments

[hotels_inthesea]

that was interesting! for the most part i was seeing Ronon, but for some reason he morphed into Teyla in the end scene. Well done! I like the choose-your-own-adventure kind of idea.

[reen212000]

So glad you liked it! I understand the Teyla thing...

[seratonation]

That was definatly different. I wanted it to be Rodney (The McShepper that I I am) but I kept getting the feeling it was a female, but like the person above said, by the end it was Teyla, just the way she talked. :D but all in all the story was good. I love the body being a canvas, I'm sad they had to wash it off later.

how about some con crit? I think the passing between Colonel and John was a little confusing, the jumps where too fast, maybe instead of changing him sentence to sentance, maybe keep it at paragraph to paragraph? Although I liked how The Colonel came out when he was on top. :)

[reen212000]

Thanks for reading and for the critique. And after reading it again, I have to agree with you on The Colonel and John. It's funny that people would say Teyla; I totally tried to keep it vague. But they're aren't a lot of contractions are there? LOL I like to believe that everyone has a feminine and a male side.

Or, maybe everyone is like a girl next to Shep!

Thanks again!

[faithchan]

I understand the vagueness, and I like it very much, but if I may make a suggestion? I think it would be easier to read if you could think of words to put in the blanks (like "his companion," or "his visitor"), and replace "his/her" with "their" or something. It may be a bit repetative, and not grammatically correct, but I think it would flow better.

That said, I LIKE that you kept this open, and it is NOT an easy thing to do. Much fun to build yer own ship. ^_^

[reen212000]

Glad you liked it! Thought about that, but I'm a grammar person. There are a lot of his/her, no? Hee.

Thanks for reading!

[wayfarersgirl]

Cool. I liked that there were specific things said that sounded like certain characters, but no one character necessarily ran the whole thing. There was some Rodney, some Elizabeth, some Teyla, even some Ronon and Carson. Very cool.

[reen212000]

Ooooh! Thanks!