Secret Elf for Wikked_Angel_78 EDITED FIC!!!
For wikked_angel_78
Present Number 3
Present Number 3
Category: Artwork
Title: Calendars/Icons
Author: Secret Elf
Rating: G
Warnings:None
Disclaimer: None
Size: Various
File Format: .jpg
Link: http://jeyla4ever.livejournal.com/61132.html#cutid1
Comments:
I know these are not JT and therefore, I'm posting it in my LJ, but I couldn't help myself. I know she will use these moreso than if I had made her any JT. And I did this with her in mind always. Enjoy!
Present Number 4:
Final Present Number
Secret Elf Recipient: wikked_angel_78
Secret Elf: jeyla4ever
Category: Fic
Title: Fatal Wound
Author: Jeyla4ever
Rating: R
Warnings: Set after Enemy at the Gate Season 5:Episode 20
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Non profic, fun only!
Word Count: 6,988
Comments: I hope you like this one, Wikked. It's late, but I worked very hard on this just to make you happy! Enjoy and Happy Belated Secret Elf Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!!
Summary: John Sheppard was an insistent man. She knew that already, but she thought he'd be out this evening with someone; not here, not with her.
Fatal Wound
She unlocked the double deadbolts and pulled the door open, "John?"
"It's about time. The pizza's getting cold and the beer is getting warm. Why didn't you pick up the phone?"
Because she didn't want to talk to anyone on this night. She wanted to be alone. But she wouldn't voice that out loud to him.
John Sheppard was an insistent man. She knew that already, but she thought he'd be out this evening with someone; not here, not with her.
The pizza smelled wonderful as he strode right over her nearly stepping on her toes. He also smelled very nice. She got a tiny whiff of his cologne when he strode past her on his way to the kitchen. She followed him only to be face to face with the door of the refrigerator when he opened it to put the beer inside. He popped the tab on one can and offered it to her. She shook her head. He shut the refrigerator, stepped closer, and pinned her to the counter as he slowly reached over her to get to the pizza. After six years of working and practically living together in the city of Atlantis, there were hardly any barriers between them, except the obvious one; They were very good friends.
Yet, this evening there was something different about him and if she hadn't been preoccupied in her own ramble thoughts, she'd probably figured it out. But tonight, she wanted to be alone and John Sheppard wasn't going to like it one bit that she was about to let him out the same door that he just walked into.
"John, I thought you would be out this evening. It's such a significant day for your people. Really, there's no need for you to worry for me. I am fine and was actually looking forward to spending some time meditating."
He was so close to her that for a brief moment his chest rubbed against hers and that's when she realized what she was wearing; a flimsy T-shirt with no bra, and a pair of shorts.
"I am out. I'm here with you, with some pizza and beer."
She smiled for a moment, touched by his thoughtfulness. John Sheppard always did have a way with her emotions that not even she could explain to herself.
"Thank you. I do appreciate it, but....." She wanted to simply tell him to leave, but somehow she couldn't. "You should have called first. I am not even dressed for company, tonight."
"I did call. Check your cell phone and your answering machine. And you don't need to dress up for me Teyla but, I do like that scantily outfit you're wearing." He lifted his beer can and smiled devilishly, with a hint of amusement in his eyes.
He was deliberately trying to get a reaction from her. What that was she wasn't sure, and at the moment, she didn't really care. But she wasn't immune to John's charms and the sparkle in his eyes roaming the length of her body clearly told her he was enjoying himself.
"John, I..."
"Besides, I'm not company." He interrupted. "And if I didn't know you any better, I'd say you're trying to get rid of me." The tone of his voice was amusing, but the stance of his body was challenging.
This wasn't working. She desperately needed time to herself. For almost a year, she had been arguing with Stargate Command to allow her safe passage back to the Pegasus Galaxy. But to no avail. The people of Earth clearly wanted the Ancient city of Atlantis to remain on Earth and the chances of her ever going back home grew further and further away. She had only one other option to get herself back to her galaxy, but even that was becoming an issue.
Back when the city was in the Pegasus, the thought of never returning from a mission to see her son was a reality, but a decision based on everything in her power to protect her son. It was a conscious choice; one that held no regrets. Her life faced many perils, and she would sacrifice herself any day for her son and for her people and anyone of her teammates. That was the reason that prompted her decision when Woosley gave her and Ronon the option to stay behind in New Athos or head back to Earth with the rest of the expedition team to face the possibility of a unknown fate of return. Yet, her decision was clear, precise and without hesitation. She would remain in Atlantis with her team, beside John, with her son and his father, there as well.
But she was mistaken.
She had entered her quarters hours after arriving on Earth only to find it empty. At first, she thought Kanaan was searching for her in the city. It had been many hours since she had last seen him and Torren. She searched the entire city, chaos all around, asking everyone in her path if they had seen Kanaan and Torren. Until finally, the news came in the most unexpected ways.
Major Porter was coming out of one of the hanger bays. She saw Teyla and was surprised. But it was her next words the ones that would shock Teyla.
"Teyla? Shouldn't you be? Weren't you? Didn't you?" she paused for a moment, "I saw them leave in the last jumper back to New Athos. I think he thought you were there too. I'm sorry, Teyla. I'm sure we will get back to the Pegasus soon and you can be reunited with Torren and Kanaan once again."
After the shock settled, Teyla learned that when the city evacuated those remaining from other worlds, Kanaan and Torren boarded the last jumper to New Athos at the very last minute. It sounded so simple, such a right thing to do and yet, she was speechless. There were no words to say. And if there were, she couldn't find her voice to speak them. For the fist time in her life, she panicked. She wanted to scream and run; Run until she reached her son.
But she never did any of those things. She couldn't. She was Teyla. Always in control.
Afterwards, she concluded that Kanaan must have thought his life and that of their child would be safer in New Athos, but she did not learn of this fact until hours after the city had settled on Earth's water. There was also the possibility that Kanaan thought that Teyla would in fact reconsider Mr. Woosley's proposal. Days after, Woosley shared with Teyla that hours prior to speaking with her and Ronon, he had seen Kanaan in the hallways. That conversation with the Athosian father had prompted Woosley to speak to Teyla and Ronon once again, to reconsider their decision to remain in the city.
Why Kanaan had not reached out to her before he left was also a disturbing thought. The reality was that Kanaan was no warrior and he never felt at ease in the city of Atlantis. He was a farmer, not a fighter and he longed to be with his people. Yet, all Teyla had ever wanted was to be with her son, to cradle her child in her arms and still to this day, the emptiness of his warmth against her is unbearable. Almost a year later, and the pain is just as strong today as it was on that wretched day. The day she left her child behind and for the first time in her life, cursed her own existence.
Lost in her own grief, she jerked herself away wanting nothing more but to weep in the solace of her apartment. She pushed herself brusquely and faintly heard a cry of pain. To her dismay, she realized what she had done.
"John. I did not mean to....I am sorry." She whispered as she jerked her hand back, away from his wounded shoulder.
She wanted to run. Hide. Weep. Cover herself in the sheets of her bed, and silently sob; the muffled sounds buried deep within her pillow.
"It's okay, Teyla." As if completely unaware of her near breakdown, John took the slice of pizza and his beer and headed into the living room. He dropped himself down on the sofa as she followed.
"Has Jennifer tended your wounds, lately?"
"Let it go, Teyla." His voice carried a hint of irritation, a force of habit for him every time someone even mentioned this injury. He turned and met her eyes with a softened tone. "I'm fine."
But he didn't look fine. He looked ready to pass out. His complexion had turned gray, but this was John. Closed off, unwilling to speak of it to anyone.
He had been assigned a temporary team since their return to Earth. John had not wanted to share any details of one particular mission, but he recounts of a dual match with a very "Big Monster" in which he had taken a dangerously serious wound that had nearly cost him his life.
After an agonizing seven hour surgery, he had remained in the recovery room for three weeks in the infirmary of Atlantis and afterwards, remained in his old quarters in the desolate city.
Since the expedition team was no longer needed, the city became a ghostly place where only scientist and dignitaries from around the world with top military clearance were allowed to witness and experience the mysteries of the Ancestral city. John could have transferred to one of the military base hospitals, but he didn't want to be treated elsewhere and he was pretty much allowed to do just about anything he desired after rescuing not just the city, but Earth itself. He was a hero; a valiant military officer, respected among his peers and treasured among his friends.
During those weeks, Teyla, Ronon and Rodney had never left his side. He spoke of a hidden treasure, one that would save them all, but none of them really listened to him for he was delirious half of the time, heavily medicated by the painkiller drugs. Now, all that remain of his injuries was a shoulder wound.
But something happened to John on that mission; something that was still lurking in his eyes for Teyla knew John Sheppard very well. But she also knew that he could be just as mysterious as the city of Atlantis.
Things were changing, though. Due to the lack of activity in the city and against their will, the expedition team was forced to move out of the city. Most of the personnel left to their respective homes; however, because the SGC wasn't ready to let Ronon and Teyla out into the real world on Earth so soon, John's team was allowed to live in the city for several months after the rest of the expedition had already left. Once Teyla and Ronon received clearance to leave the premises with supervision, the rest of the team was told to leave the city once and for all. They each decided to head in their separate directions, but never leaving each other's side for too long.
Rodney and Jennifer moved into their own apartment while Ronon and John decided to share an apartment. The SGC approved and actually supplied the apartment for John and Ronon since they were some concerns about leaving the Satedan alone. Teyla, on the other hand, opted to have her own place, but it was only a block away from John and Ronon's apartment. She had to literally argue with John in particular, because she was not going to live in the same building with the two of them. She wanted and needed some privacy; sometime to herself. John, of course, didn't understand and would complain about it with her till this day, because he was still not used to the idea.
In truth, they had only moved about three months ago, but John visited her almost daily. The first week, he and Ronon would come over with pizza, or Chinese food and movies and would fall asleep on her sofa, staying for the entire night. She quickly put an end to that against their will. Ronon eased up with the visits and spent more time with Amelia; John didn't. Not until Teyla had a heart to heart talk with him did he start coming over less. And Teyla almost missed him.
But on this night of Earth's celebration of a New Year, she desperately longed to be alone. Yet, she had missed spending time with John. Ever since his injury her emotions had been wild, unsettled and awfully confusing. He had almost died and the thought alone stirred deep within her. She had already lost the one true love of her life; Torren. And John meant too much for her too loose him, too. The belief that he would face any danger without her there with him perturbed her profoundly.
She caught a glimpse of John intently staring at the TV and decided that it was best to just follow along with his plan for the time being. She stood and walked back to the kitchen, grabbed the pizza, some napkins, her bottle of water, and then decided to take him another beer as a peace offering of sorts.
There were newspapers spread over the coffee table. She was intrigued by Earth and wanted to learn so much more of its people, history and geography. John had already taken her and Ronon to many different places around the world and it had fascinated her to see so much livelihood and diversity in one place.
Carefully, she moved the newspapers and books aside and set down the box of pizza. She excused herself and went to put a robe over her "scantily" attire.
On her bed she found the pink plushy robe that John had given her on her first Valentine's day on Earth which they celebrated only a couple of weeks after their arrival. Back in the Pegasus, the girls of the expedition team had introduced Teyla to this holiday, but she soon learned it was a totally different experience on Earth. On that day, she'd spent a night out with John and the rest of the team, but his gift was a special surprise just between the two of them.
The robe was soft and extremely comfortable. The color wasn't particularly her choice, but he mentioned something about it being a Victoria's Secrets signature. She had not really understood the significance of this Victoria woman, nor the importance of her secrets and what it all meant to John, but she had not pursue the discussion any further, either. She was only grateful that he had decided to spend Valentine's day with her and not with this Victoria. Of course, only days later, she discovered the true meaning of Victoria's real Secrets. She had laughed for days thinking about it because her mind had made so many different scenarios of who Victoria could have been, never thinking she was only the most popular name of a woman's lingerie franchise.
She started heading towards the living room back to John when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and inwardly groaned. She had never cared much about her outward appearance, not until she got to Earth. Once she left the walls of the Ancestral city, an entire new world of fashion and beauty constantly flashed in front of her eyes every where she went. It was massive. The fashion and beauty industry was such an alarming presence that as much as she tried not to be swayed by it, there was no denying that there was something to be said about the feel of a good manicure and pedicure, the scent of a good perfume, and the softness of a brand new outfit with just the right texture feel against your skin. It was intoxicating and far too tempting to even want to resist and John didn't help on the matter either. He was constantly escorting her to the mall; a place that he swore he hated, but would willingly accompany her just to see her smile. The depth of his sentiments never ceased to amaze her for he never could hide it well from her.
Yet today, Earth was celebrating a New Year. The welcoming of the year 2010. The Athosians had a similar ritual, but it was not quite as lavish as the Earthling's celebration. Yet, the only significance to this day was the fact that it was almost a year that she had spent without her son.
Staring at her profile in the mirror, she knew that there was no makeup nor outfit that could hide the pain and sorrow from her semblance.
Ceremoniously, she clipped her hair into a ponytail and to her terror, there was mascara smudges under her eyes. "Lovely," she muttered.
She grabbed a washcloth and started rubbing gently as she learned from those beauty magazine tips so as to avoid unwanted wrinkles. By the time she came back to the living room, John had finished his third slice of pizza and was searching for a fourth. He'd also emptied her bottle of water and gotten her another.
She shook her head amusingly at his puzzling stare, "I was not gone that long."
"Hey, you snooze, you loose. You're lucky Ronon isn't here." He was smiling at her and that smile pierced her heart.
He was sitting in the center of the sofa and took up a fair amount of space, but he still gestured for her to come sit next to him. She could have asked him to move over, but she didn't. She simply shoved some of the pillows aside and sat down.
"I was wondering...." he began. There was something significant behind those words, but he hesitated.
"Yes?"
He was smiling at her again. She wanted to tell him to stop it, that when he smiled all the anguish, pain and emptiness simply went away; vanished. Somehow John Sheppard had the power to make her feel something more than just sorrow and she couldn't help herself be mesmerized by that smile and those piercing eyes.
"Where's the remote?"
The question jarred her, "The remote?"
"Uh-huh," he drawled. "The remote."
"You must be referring to this apparatus." She held up the remote in her hands. "Let me guess. The sports channel?"
"I'm that predictable?"
"When it comes to television, yes!" She stopped and added, "Actually, I think I do hold a certain gift that no other has; I can predict just about anything you are going to do, John Sheppard." She handed the remote to him. "Thank you for the pizza. You really should not have gone to the trouble."
"I didn't do it just for you."
The emotion behind the words made her uncomfortable, so she changed the subject. "I thought you would be out celebrating this New Year's Eve with Rodney or Ronon or perhaps Dave. You should be with someone special tonight."
"I am." He voiced, but his eyes were still intent on the television.
Teyla was taken aback by his words. So she changed the subject, again. "Why is your shoulder still so tender? Were you injured, again?"
"Kind of."
"You were in the infirmary? In Atlantis?" She didn't give him time to answer. "Why did you not call me?" She stood from the sofa, the crest of emotions at the tip of the surface. "You went on another mission? You were supposed to wait until I got clearance from Stargate Command to join your team."
Panic rose on her like wildfire.
When she had heard of his injury, she was terrified. Rodney, Ronon and her never liked the idea of John going off on missions without them. It didn't matter that they weren't in the Pegasus, they were still a team. But the SGC had other ideas.
Teyla and Ronon had only limited clearance and were still regarded under military supervision. They could only be away from headquarters within a certain distance and would have to report at least once a week of their whereabouts. John had made a point to share with them that this was standard protocol, since even with Tealc' it had taken many years before the trust level was firmly established. So, they would have to wait patiently until the SGC felt it was deemed to allow them back on a regular team in off-world missions. Teyla was desperate to get back on John's team. Not only would it distract her from thinking of Torren, but it would also allow her to keep an eye out for John. She always felt that connection with him from the very first time they met and she owed it to him to always watch his back. But there was another reason, if the SGC wouldn't let Atlantis go back to the Pegasus, her other only alternative was to find another way back and that could only be found in another world in the form of another ship, or with some form of off-world technology with the means to take her back where she belonged, with her people, in the grasps of her son.
But that would have to wait.
She also prayed and hoped that Rodney would find a strong enough power source for her to use the Stargate to get back home. Rodney had been assigned his own station where he was working with Ancient technology and a means to create weapons of mass destruction to defeat any alien induce attack on Earth. He was not thrilled with the idea of working alongside Todd, but they all knew that was a cover-up act. Rodney loved to dig into the mind of the alien scientist.
But John. John was different. He had to do something. He had to go back to the field. So he was assigned his own temporary team and would get to go off-world using the Stargate at the SGC. Teyla accompanied him in one of those missions, but the IOA disapproved citing that she was still under PAC (Protective Alien Coalition) which regarded her and Ronon as residence of Earth but with added restrictions and supervision rights.
The thought of John going off-world on missions without her was terrifying. She worried; worried that something would happen to him and Ronon wasn't there to back him up. Frightened that Rodney wouldn't be there to get him out of an impossible situation. Petrified that he would die without her there to die right alongside him. Outraged by the possibility that she would be left alone in this unknown and empty world.
Everytime he went on a mission without her, he was leaving her. And this last mission almost caused him his life, and it infuriated her that he had left without her knowledge. He carelessly abandoned her, once again.
"Teyla, I had to..." But she never let him finish.
"No." She looked away from him. There was nothing he could say to her that would ease her anger. He had stormed into her apartment tonight, and had not let her grieve the way she had planned, and now in a matter of seconds she had learned that she almost lost him... again! "You are an extremely exasperating man." She said, trying to control the rise in her voice.
She stood from the sofa for his presence was way too near her.
"Teyla, I had no choice. I had to go back." His voice was low, tender, almost pleading.
Pleading for what? For his life? For her to let him go? She knew his calling for the military life. She always knew he could never leave it all behind. And that wasn't the problem. She felt a calling for it as well, and the realization of it terrified her more than she cared to admit. But that was not what this was about. She'd already lost a part of her that will never return. Even if she were ever to go back to the Pegasus and reunite with her son, the months that have gone by without him will never be replaced. And now John Sheppard hastily bargained with his life just for the thrill of it without even considering what it would do to her if anything would ever happen to him? Did he not understand?
"There is always a choice!" She said dully. "The SGC has cleared you of all your duties. You do not have to go to any off-world missions." Her eyes were blazing on him. "They have offer you other options that do not require you to risk your life so vainly. But that is not sufficient for you. You wish yourself free of your inner turmoil. Whatever danger lies behind the tip of a blade or the shot of a weapon is far more appealing to you than actually facing reality."
Her head was pounding, her mind was whirling. She had to get away from him. Her emotions were clouding her judgement. Her anger was confusing her. She had no idea where these thoughts and this rage was fueling from and she must not loose herself.
But he stood right beside her, holding her arm. "Teyla, you're not listening to me. Just let me explain."
No, she would not listen. She was only feeling, and the pain and anger were growing every second.
"You should go now." She said as she turned to the door.
"Teyla, don't." His voice was unsteady.
She was angry and frustrated and felt as if everything inside her was hurting. She was tired. She wanted to face no one today. She wanted to go to her bed and pound her pillow with her fist and forget everything and everyone. Alone. She wanted to be alone. "I am tired."
"You were crying before I came, weren't you?" She stiffened at his admission.
She had to find some composure. She would not allow him to see the truth behind her pain. He had no right to turn her words against her. "No, I was not. Now, please leave."
"Your mascara smudges were a dead give away. Why were you crying, Teyla?" John's voice vibrated with intensity.
Pain.
So much pain.
Loneliness.
Darkness.
Fury.
Too many feelings to give an answer.
This was not happening, she kept telling herself. This was not John. He was usually closed off, unwilling to speak about anything that had anything to do with emotions. He was never good with "feelings". What was worse was that she was never the one to loose herself so frailly.
Suddenly, she heard the sound of a baby crying. She froze. Her eyes wandered her apartment, searching for what she knew could not be possible. Sadly, her eyes fell on the television. A child no more than two years old was hurt and his mother was healing the wounds with the cream that was being advertise. It had always amazed her how this world was so easily persuaded into these advertisement to lure them into purchasing their products. At that moment, that figure on the screen reminded her of only one thing, a child; Torren.
Where was he at this moment? Was he safe? Had the Wraith discovered New Athos? Had he been culled? Was Kanaan enough to sustain the balance of such a delicate being in his care? Why had she not gone to them first? Why had she so casually put his life on hold? Why? For whom? Who did she think about when she made that choice to stay in Atlantis? Was it for her? Her people? Her team? Her son? Was it for John?
Her eyes turned towards the one in question and everything became suddenly clear. John Sheppard had entered her life like a thief in the night and had altered everything and everyone in her life. He had demanded too much, had pushed her to boundaries that she had set herself long before he ever entered her world, and with a blink of an eye, with a step forward, he had changed her history's existence completely.
John Sheppard.
He pulled her closer to him, grasping her shoulders tightly. "Teyla, tell me what's wrong?"
She ignored his question. "You should go now, John," she said, jerking off his grasp.
Why couldn't she control her emotions tonight? What was wrong with her? It wasn't like her to be so undisciplined.
"I'm not going anywhere! Weren't you the one to tell me that it's not healthy to keep everything all bottled up inside?" There was sympathy and a hint of frustration clear in his voice.
When did John Sheppard ever showed any sympathy? True, he'd come to her on several occasions when she had thought no one to be there, but when it had mattered the most, when she sought out to him openly, he had not known what to do and she did not find the comfort that she so longed from him. Instead, she had found something in Kanaan. She had been happy with him. Had made a family and was willing to spend the rest of her life with him alongside her son. But that was lost now. Lost forever. Most likely he had found someone back in New Athos, someone to warm his bed, someone to feel his hard calloused hands, someone to nurse her son, raise him as her own, where soon others would surely follow, if not already.....No! And where was she? What was she doing?
Alone.
Alone with John Sheppard.
Impossible.
She must get him to leave. She was shaking she realized. Weakness. She had to get John to leave and she had to do it now. She would be all right soon. She would weep under her sheets, sleep and grow stronger. And tomorrow, tomorrow she could face John again with coolness and control. But not now...
"My head aches and your presence is aggravating it further. You may come back tomorrow if you wish, but I must have this time to myself, John. Please leave."
She was holding on to her temper by a thin thread.
"Teyla." His head turned ever so slightly toward her. He had beautiful eyes. And they were looking at her with genuine concern.
And that was her undoing.
"You do not understand," She couldn't go on. He wouldn't have understood a word said after that, anyway. She was sobbing. It was mortifying but impossible for her to stop.
Teyla tried to contain her sobs by stepping away from him, but John had other intentions. He wrapped his arms around her, patting her occasionally a bit awkwardly, and let her soak his shirt with her uncontrollable tears.
Once the tears stopped, the hiccups started. Her head was down on his good shoulder, her mouth pressed against the side of his throat. She told herself to get a hold of her emotions and moved away from him.
When she thought she could speak without stuttering, she finally spoke in a clipped voice. "I..."
"Yeah?"
"I am not myself tonight." She fixed her gaze on his eyes and her entire body tensed as his fingers picked up a strand of her hair and let it slowly slide over his hand. He smelled so good, felt so warm, and was so close to her, their bodies almost touching; an urgency sang through her body.
"Don't worry. I don't kiss and tell." He grimaced, with a little scruff in his voice.
His answer afforded her boundless relief allowing her to relax slightly.
"We have not kissed." She felt much relieved after that out pour cry and it made her a bit giddy, but she needed to regain control of the situation.
Then, his arms entwined around her waist, his head buried in the crook of her neck, and his lips brushed lightly against her skin.
"I won't tell anyone." He kissed her neck, tickling her skin with the tip of his moistened lips.
She gasped at the feel of his lips, the touch of his breath against her ear. He did not attempt to kiss her, only continued to hold her carefully, as if his body were absorbing her details.
"This wasn't the reason why, crap!..." He murmured, jerking back as though he'd been struck by lighting.
Teyla wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hands. "It is alright, John."
"Teyla..."At first he did not seem to have heard her lost in his own thoughts. "You're not alright. It's Torren. You miss him too much."
Teardrops glistened on her eyelashes and slipped down her cheeks. "I do not belong here, John."
Suddenly, his hand cupped the back of her neck and gently pulled her closer, "I know, Teyla." He lowered his head, his mouth brushing over her face with the softness of butterfly wings. The ardor of his abandonment astonished her. His lips coasted the corners of her mouth, lingered, then quested across her jaw until his tongue touched the soft lobe of her ear.
Blindly, Teyla turned her mouth to his, wanting the full presence of his kiss. He gave it to her slowly, doubting, hesitating, questioning his openly and daring act. He possessed her by agonizing degrees until finally his mouth settled fully upon hers. The rhythm of her breath turned desperate. She wanted to wrap herself around him, welcome him deeper into her embrace. The contact of his mouth on her changed everything. This wasn't a teasing little kiss nor an alien-induced kiss. It was hot, desperate and hungry. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let him kiss the breath out of her. She wanted nothing more but to loose herself in his being. She could feel that he had tried to end the kiss several times, but neither was able to step back. For too long, she had waited on him and this felt too right. The compulsion was too powerful and it render her helpless to let him go.
Her fingers gently traced the ragged scar on his left shoulder beneath his shirt. The blade of the sword had gone clear through, tearing a tendon and muscle and just barely missing an artery. She couldn't loose him, she realized. The urgency to speak her mind was fighting against the will to surrender herself completely in his arms. Ready or not, he was here and she must accept him.
He grabbed her hand and wouldn't let her continue to stroke the scar. He kissed her again, long and hard, and then broke the kiss with a low curse. "Teyla, we aren't doing this." He threaded his fingers through his hair. "I only came here because...
Teyla wrapped her arms around herself and stared at him dumbly, knowing that her trembling must have been visible to him just as his was to her.
"This is crazy..." he began.
Suddenly, they were in each other's arms.
She wasn't sure what she said but her mouth moved and her voice did speak. Yet she was lost in a haze when his hands untied the knot holding her robe in place; the only thing between his hands and her body was a flimsy T-shirt and a pair of shorts. He kissed her again, a hot, searing kiss and she trembled in his arms as he slowly eased her T-shirt over her head and then she helped him get out of his jeans.
Her response to his touch stunned her. His hands caressed every inch of her body. He was passionate and giving and frantic to please. And she gloried in the feel of his body so intimately against her own. He tore his mouth away and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "Teyla?" he whispered.
Her lips tingled beneath his mouth and she could feel the heat of his body reach out to her. She had always revealed too much of herself to him and the yielding of her body was another form of surrender.
"I do not wish to be alone...." She wanted to say so much more. All the years wasted, longing, hoping and just when it seemed like all was lost, he offered what she didn't asked, but she had wanted nothing more. Giving into John Sheppard, relenting to her deepest desires, wasn't easy. Yet nothing ever felt so right to her than this moment. She was lost in her own passion, rendering what she'd always known belonged to her, and accepting what her heart yearned for so long.
He lifted his head and she looked into his eyes feeling the passion and something more slowly surfacing beneath his soul. There were tears in her eyes, and he reached out and reverently touched her cheeks. "You're not alone, Teyla." She could hear the seriousness in him.
She closed her eyes and didn't resist when he lifted her in his arms, letting go of the past and succumbing to his will, a true reflection of her own.
As he cradled her in his arms, the feel of bedsheets underneath her, she knew then that her wounds would heal. She would never cease her quest to return to her world, find her people, wrap her arms around her son once again. But John's embrace shun her emptiness and offered solace and comfort and so much more. An unspoken bond sealed with a promise that would mend her heartbreak with a simple act of completeness.
Mindless to the world around her, Teyla lost her speech and breath as he sank deep and their rhythm started. Her arms closed tightly around him and only he existed in her world. Teyla felt no problems, no fears, no pain and sorrow. There was only acceptance, trust and belonging in the rapture of their lovemaking.
Much later, John collapsed on top of her. She could hear his ragged breathing as he lifted himself up on one elbow.
"You okay?" he asked hoarsely.
Minutes ago she had been lost in a frenzied of passions, yet now she felt filled with a wholesome relief, tranquil as the stillness of an untouched water's pool.
She looked into his eyes and was bemused by the lingering haze of his passion.
"Yes. Are you?" she said groggily, her hand creeping to the center of his chest.
He lifted her chin and gazed directly into her eyes. "You're so beautiful." Before she could respond, he ran his thumb across her lips. An undefinable expression flitted over his face for only a second and then was gone. He bent his head and his lips brushed against hers. He kissed the bridge of her nose and carefully, rolled away from her.
She heard him yawn, and she tried to turn over to face him, but he hauled her up against him and kissed the back of her neck.
"This wasn't why I came here tonight." His warm, sweet breath tickled her ear. "You distracted me."
"I distracted you? I was attempting to get you to leave. I only wanted sometime to myself." She felt the smile on his lips against her bare back.
"Right, in that little outfit you had on? I don't think so." He held her hand back as she tried to smack him playfully with the pillow.
"I was not expecting any company, tonight." Beneath her bare body pressed against his, she felt the lean muscles of his strong, masculine body .
"I came to tell you why I went back to that planet and what I found." The tone of his voice was no longer playful.
She tensed at his words and tried to roll over to face him again, but he held her tight against his arms.
"Why would Stargate Command allow you to return to a hostile planet and while you are still healing?"
"This wasn't a mission. General Landry gave me clearance to go spend a couple of days with some off-world friends. That's what I wanted him to think. I'm a big shot now, remember. I can do just about anything. Besides, I did have to go visit a friend. A big bad Monster friend."
"You went to that planet on your own?" Her frustration at his carelessness was carried in her voice.
"That was the only way, Teyla. These Ancients...I couldn't stand to see you like this anymore. I had to do something." His shoulders tensed beneath her body as if he struggled with a heavy burden.
The anticipation of his next words made her hold her breath, but her heart pounded feverishly and she found herself unable to find her voice.
"I'd do anything for you, Teyla." He murmured against her ear.
She drew a deep breath to ease the tightness of her chest. The urge to see his face, to feel his lips with her fingers was too strong.
As if he heard her thoughts, gently, he turned her around to finally let her face him. "It wasn't easy and Rodney is not going to like it but I need him to stay here on Earth and get Atlantis ready to come back to the Pegasus once the SGC allows it." He paused and looked away in deep thought. "I'll certainly be Court Marshall because the SGC will never forgive me for this when they find out. Teyla, what I found... the Ancients will never let Earth or anyone else get their hands on it. They won't even be able to find it. I'm not even sure how I did it! It doesn't matter anyways, since it'll be awhile before we hear from Earth. This is a one way ticket, and no else will be able to follow us. My only concern is Rodney, but they won't touch him. He's not military and they need him too much. They'll want him to get the city back to full function. He'll be fine."
She shivered and drew in a breath while his hand tightened around her, her eyes fixed on his. "And yes, I'm coming with you."
Her eyes widened and she was certain she knew what his words meant, but she was voiceless.
"You see, I don't belong here either, Teyla." His eyes glittered with an almost feverish vitality and her tears rolled freely down her face.
"John.." nothing more would come out of her mouth. She could feel the muscles of her stomach tighten at the thought of his confession.
All was silent for a moment and somehow Teyla knew exactly what he was going to say next.
"I didn't want to tell you until I was sure." Gently, he held her hand against his wounded shoulder, "I should be dead, but these damn Ancients and the way they whirl us around....but I beat them at their own game, Teyla. It took me awhile and two attempts and well...I can't give you all the details, but what I can tell you...this fatal wound, this came with a price, with a pact between the Ancients and I, and it was well worth it."
Her breath was coming in short pants, and her eyes were overflowed as the meaning of his words rang true in her ears. "We're going home, Teyla."
~fin~
Author's Notes: This is a story within a story. One that I have no time to tell. But, yes. John is being a bad boy once again. He's pretty much breaking all the rules here to get to what he wants to get Teyla back to the Pegasus with her son since he knows that Earth isn't in any hurry to get the city back there anytime soon. So, yes...this involved lots of dangerous fighting for John, it also involved him fighting big bad monsters, there are Ancients involved and there's a magnificent treasure that only he could find due to his Ancient Gene, but I don't have time to tell the story that takes place during and after this fic. But just to clarify any confusion as to the details missing in this story; John is a very smart man and if in the Return he was able to expertly take a puddle jumper and fly off it right in front of General Landry and still get away with it, I think he can go off world and find a treasure, not tell anyone, go back through that same Stargate for a supposedly casual visit, fight a monster again, come back slightly hurt and then tell Teyla that they can leave now! ;) I think he's capable of doing that. Again, there a huge story here but I'm not ready to write a 30,000 word fic. Not yet. So, I hope this makes sense and that I've explain and given enough hints for the reader to figure out that John would do just about anything when he sets his mind to it, and yes, he can do it right in front of the SGC. He's done so many times before. ;) And the court marshall comment is in regards to the fact that John does expect that the SGC will eventually bring the city back to the Pegasus, will find John and will want some answers since once he left, no one but him has the power to even find where the hidden treasure is located since it's protected by the Ancients and their big bad monsters. ;) Title inspired by the lyrics of Switchfoot's Fatal Wound" Check lyrics here: www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/switchfoot/thefatalwound.html
Present Number 3
Present Number 3
Category: Artwork
Title: Calendars/Icons
Author: Secret Elf
Rating: G
Warnings:None
Disclaimer: None
Size: Various
File Format: .jpg
Link: http://jeyla4ever.livejournal.com/61132.html#cutid1
Comments:
I know these are not JT and therefore, I'm posting it in my LJ, but I couldn't help myself. I know she will use these moreso than if I had made her any JT. And I did this with her in mind always. Enjoy!
Present Number 4:
Final Present Number
Secret Elf Recipient: wikked_angel_78
Secret Elf: jeyla4ever
Category: Fic
Title: Fatal Wound
Author: Jeyla4ever
Rating: R
Warnings: Set after Enemy at the Gate Season 5:Episode 20
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Non profic, fun only!
Word Count: 6,988
Comments: I hope you like this one, Wikked. It's late, but I worked very hard on this just to make you happy! Enjoy and Happy Belated Secret Elf Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!!
Summary: John Sheppard was an insistent man. She knew that already, but she thought he'd be out this evening with someone; not here, not with her.
Fatal Wound
She unlocked the double deadbolts and pulled the door open, "John?"
"It's about time. The pizza's getting cold and the beer is getting warm. Why didn't you pick up the phone?"
Because she didn't want to talk to anyone on this night. She wanted to be alone. But she wouldn't voice that out loud to him.
John Sheppard was an insistent man. She knew that already, but she thought he'd be out this evening with someone; not here, not with her.
The pizza smelled wonderful as he strode right over her nearly stepping on her toes. He also smelled very nice. She got a tiny whiff of his cologne when he strode past her on his way to the kitchen. She followed him only to be face to face with the door of the refrigerator when he opened it to put the beer inside. He popped the tab on one can and offered it to her. She shook her head. He shut the refrigerator, stepped closer, and pinned her to the counter as he slowly reached over her to get to the pizza. After six years of working and practically living together in the city of Atlantis, there were hardly any barriers between them, except the obvious one; They were very good friends.
Yet, this evening there was something different about him and if she hadn't been preoccupied in her own ramble thoughts, she'd probably figured it out. But tonight, she wanted to be alone and John Sheppard wasn't going to like it one bit that she was about to let him out the same door that he just walked into.
"John, I thought you would be out this evening. It's such a significant day for your people. Really, there's no need for you to worry for me. I am fine and was actually looking forward to spending some time meditating."
He was so close to her that for a brief moment his chest rubbed against hers and that's when she realized what she was wearing; a flimsy T-shirt with no bra, and a pair of shorts.
"I am out. I'm here with you, with some pizza and beer."
She smiled for a moment, touched by his thoughtfulness. John Sheppard always did have a way with her emotions that not even she could explain to herself.
"Thank you. I do appreciate it, but....." She wanted to simply tell him to leave, but somehow she couldn't. "You should have called first. I am not even dressed for company, tonight."
"I did call. Check your cell phone and your answering machine. And you don't need to dress up for me Teyla but, I do like that scantily outfit you're wearing." He lifted his beer can and smiled devilishly, with a hint of amusement in his eyes.
He was deliberately trying to get a reaction from her. What that was she wasn't sure, and at the moment, she didn't really care. But she wasn't immune to John's charms and the sparkle in his eyes roaming the length of her body clearly told her he was enjoying himself.
"John, I..."
"Besides, I'm not company." He interrupted. "And if I didn't know you any better, I'd say you're trying to get rid of me." The tone of his voice was amusing, but the stance of his body was challenging.
This wasn't working. She desperately needed time to herself. For almost a year, she had been arguing with Stargate Command to allow her safe passage back to the Pegasus Galaxy. But to no avail. The people of Earth clearly wanted the Ancient city of Atlantis to remain on Earth and the chances of her ever going back home grew further and further away. She had only one other option to get herself back to her galaxy, but even that was becoming an issue.
Back when the city was in the Pegasus, the thought of never returning from a mission to see her son was a reality, but a decision based on everything in her power to protect her son. It was a conscious choice; one that held no regrets. Her life faced many perils, and she would sacrifice herself any day for her son and for her people and anyone of her teammates. That was the reason that prompted her decision when Woosley gave her and Ronon the option to stay behind in New Athos or head back to Earth with the rest of the expedition team to face the possibility of a unknown fate of return. Yet, her decision was clear, precise and without hesitation. She would remain in Atlantis with her team, beside John, with her son and his father, there as well.
But she was mistaken.
She had entered her quarters hours after arriving on Earth only to find it empty. At first, she thought Kanaan was searching for her in the city. It had been many hours since she had last seen him and Torren. She searched the entire city, chaos all around, asking everyone in her path if they had seen Kanaan and Torren. Until finally, the news came in the most unexpected ways.
Major Porter was coming out of one of the hanger bays. She saw Teyla and was surprised. But it was her next words the ones that would shock Teyla.
"Teyla? Shouldn't you be? Weren't you? Didn't you?" she paused for a moment, "I saw them leave in the last jumper back to New Athos. I think he thought you were there too. I'm sorry, Teyla. I'm sure we will get back to the Pegasus soon and you can be reunited with Torren and Kanaan once again."
After the shock settled, Teyla learned that when the city evacuated those remaining from other worlds, Kanaan and Torren boarded the last jumper to New Athos at the very last minute. It sounded so simple, such a right thing to do and yet, she was speechless. There were no words to say. And if there were, she couldn't find her voice to speak them. For the fist time in her life, she panicked. She wanted to scream and run; Run until she reached her son.
But she never did any of those things. She couldn't. She was Teyla. Always in control.
Afterwards, she concluded that Kanaan must have thought his life and that of their child would be safer in New Athos, but she did not learn of this fact until hours after the city had settled on Earth's water. There was also the possibility that Kanaan thought that Teyla would in fact reconsider Mr. Woosley's proposal. Days after, Woosley shared with Teyla that hours prior to speaking with her and Ronon, he had seen Kanaan in the hallways. That conversation with the Athosian father had prompted Woosley to speak to Teyla and Ronon once again, to reconsider their decision to remain in the city.
Why Kanaan had not reached out to her before he left was also a disturbing thought. The reality was that Kanaan was no warrior and he never felt at ease in the city of Atlantis. He was a farmer, not a fighter and he longed to be with his people. Yet, all Teyla had ever wanted was to be with her son, to cradle her child in her arms and still to this day, the emptiness of his warmth against her is unbearable. Almost a year later, and the pain is just as strong today as it was on that wretched day. The day she left her child behind and for the first time in her life, cursed her own existence.
Lost in her own grief, she jerked herself away wanting nothing more but to weep in the solace of her apartment. She pushed herself brusquely and faintly heard a cry of pain. To her dismay, she realized what she had done.
"John. I did not mean to....I am sorry." She whispered as she jerked her hand back, away from his wounded shoulder.
She wanted to run. Hide. Weep. Cover herself in the sheets of her bed, and silently sob; the muffled sounds buried deep within her pillow.
"It's okay, Teyla." As if completely unaware of her near breakdown, John took the slice of pizza and his beer and headed into the living room. He dropped himself down on the sofa as she followed.
"Has Jennifer tended your wounds, lately?"
"Let it go, Teyla." His voice carried a hint of irritation, a force of habit for him every time someone even mentioned this injury. He turned and met her eyes with a softened tone. "I'm fine."
But he didn't look fine. He looked ready to pass out. His complexion had turned gray, but this was John. Closed off, unwilling to speak of it to anyone.
He had been assigned a temporary team since their return to Earth. John had not wanted to share any details of one particular mission, but he recounts of a dual match with a very "Big Monster" in which he had taken a dangerously serious wound that had nearly cost him his life.
After an agonizing seven hour surgery, he had remained in the recovery room for three weeks in the infirmary of Atlantis and afterwards, remained in his old quarters in the desolate city.
Since the expedition team was no longer needed, the city became a ghostly place where only scientist and dignitaries from around the world with top military clearance were allowed to witness and experience the mysteries of the Ancestral city. John could have transferred to one of the military base hospitals, but he didn't want to be treated elsewhere and he was pretty much allowed to do just about anything he desired after rescuing not just the city, but Earth itself. He was a hero; a valiant military officer, respected among his peers and treasured among his friends.
During those weeks, Teyla, Ronon and Rodney had never left his side. He spoke of a hidden treasure, one that would save them all, but none of them really listened to him for he was delirious half of the time, heavily medicated by the painkiller drugs. Now, all that remain of his injuries was a shoulder wound.
But something happened to John on that mission; something that was still lurking in his eyes for Teyla knew John Sheppard very well. But she also knew that he could be just as mysterious as the city of Atlantis.
Things were changing, though. Due to the lack of activity in the city and against their will, the expedition team was forced to move out of the city. Most of the personnel left to their respective homes; however, because the SGC wasn't ready to let Ronon and Teyla out into the real world on Earth so soon, John's team was allowed to live in the city for several months after the rest of the expedition had already left. Once Teyla and Ronon received clearance to leave the premises with supervision, the rest of the team was told to leave the city once and for all. They each decided to head in their separate directions, but never leaving each other's side for too long.
Rodney and Jennifer moved into their own apartment while Ronon and John decided to share an apartment. The SGC approved and actually supplied the apartment for John and Ronon since they were some concerns about leaving the Satedan alone. Teyla, on the other hand, opted to have her own place, but it was only a block away from John and Ronon's apartment. She had to literally argue with John in particular, because she was not going to live in the same building with the two of them. She wanted and needed some privacy; sometime to herself. John, of course, didn't understand and would complain about it with her till this day, because he was still not used to the idea.
In truth, they had only moved about three months ago, but John visited her almost daily. The first week, he and Ronon would come over with pizza, or Chinese food and movies and would fall asleep on her sofa, staying for the entire night. She quickly put an end to that against their will. Ronon eased up with the visits and spent more time with Amelia; John didn't. Not until Teyla had a heart to heart talk with him did he start coming over less. And Teyla almost missed him.
But on this night of Earth's celebration of a New Year, she desperately longed to be alone. Yet, she had missed spending time with John. Ever since his injury her emotions had been wild, unsettled and awfully confusing. He had almost died and the thought alone stirred deep within her. She had already lost the one true love of her life; Torren. And John meant too much for her too loose him, too. The belief that he would face any danger without her there with him perturbed her profoundly.
She caught a glimpse of John intently staring at the TV and decided that it was best to just follow along with his plan for the time being. She stood and walked back to the kitchen, grabbed the pizza, some napkins, her bottle of water, and then decided to take him another beer as a peace offering of sorts.
There were newspapers spread over the coffee table. She was intrigued by Earth and wanted to learn so much more of its people, history and geography. John had already taken her and Ronon to many different places around the world and it had fascinated her to see so much livelihood and diversity in one place.
Carefully, she moved the newspapers and books aside and set down the box of pizza. She excused herself and went to put a robe over her "scantily" attire.
On her bed she found the pink plushy robe that John had given her on her first Valentine's day on Earth which they celebrated only a couple of weeks after their arrival. Back in the Pegasus, the girls of the expedition team had introduced Teyla to this holiday, but she soon learned it was a totally different experience on Earth. On that day, she'd spent a night out with John and the rest of the team, but his gift was a special surprise just between the two of them.
The robe was soft and extremely comfortable. The color wasn't particularly her choice, but he mentioned something about it being a Victoria's Secrets signature. She had not really understood the significance of this Victoria woman, nor the importance of her secrets and what it all meant to John, but she had not pursue the discussion any further, either. She was only grateful that he had decided to spend Valentine's day with her and not with this Victoria. Of course, only days later, she discovered the true meaning of Victoria's real Secrets. She had laughed for days thinking about it because her mind had made so many different scenarios of who Victoria could have been, never thinking she was only the most popular name of a woman's lingerie franchise.
She started heading towards the living room back to John when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and inwardly groaned. She had never cared much about her outward appearance, not until she got to Earth. Once she left the walls of the Ancestral city, an entire new world of fashion and beauty constantly flashed in front of her eyes every where she went. It was massive. The fashion and beauty industry was such an alarming presence that as much as she tried not to be swayed by it, there was no denying that there was something to be said about the feel of a good manicure and pedicure, the scent of a good perfume, and the softness of a brand new outfit with just the right texture feel against your skin. It was intoxicating and far too tempting to even want to resist and John didn't help on the matter either. He was constantly escorting her to the mall; a place that he swore he hated, but would willingly accompany her just to see her smile. The depth of his sentiments never ceased to amaze her for he never could hide it well from her.
Yet today, Earth was celebrating a New Year. The welcoming of the year 2010. The Athosians had a similar ritual, but it was not quite as lavish as the Earthling's celebration. Yet, the only significance to this day was the fact that it was almost a year that she had spent without her son.
Staring at her profile in the mirror, she knew that there was no makeup nor outfit that could hide the pain and sorrow from her semblance.
Ceremoniously, she clipped her hair into a ponytail and to her terror, there was mascara smudges under her eyes. "Lovely," she muttered.
She grabbed a washcloth and started rubbing gently as she learned from those beauty magazine tips so as to avoid unwanted wrinkles. By the time she came back to the living room, John had finished his third slice of pizza and was searching for a fourth. He'd also emptied her bottle of water and gotten her another.
She shook her head amusingly at his puzzling stare, "I was not gone that long."
"Hey, you snooze, you loose. You're lucky Ronon isn't here." He was smiling at her and that smile pierced her heart.
He was sitting in the center of the sofa and took up a fair amount of space, but he still gestured for her to come sit next to him. She could have asked him to move over, but she didn't. She simply shoved some of the pillows aside and sat down.
"I was wondering...." he began. There was something significant behind those words, but he hesitated.
"Yes?"
He was smiling at her again. She wanted to tell him to stop it, that when he smiled all the anguish, pain and emptiness simply went away; vanished. Somehow John Sheppard had the power to make her feel something more than just sorrow and she couldn't help herself be mesmerized by that smile and those piercing eyes.
"Where's the remote?"
The question jarred her, "The remote?"
"Uh-huh," he drawled. "The remote."
"You must be referring to this apparatus." She held up the remote in her hands. "Let me guess. The sports channel?"
"I'm that predictable?"
"When it comes to television, yes!" She stopped and added, "Actually, I think I do hold a certain gift that no other has; I can predict just about anything you are going to do, John Sheppard." She handed the remote to him. "Thank you for the pizza. You really should not have gone to the trouble."
"I didn't do it just for you."
The emotion behind the words made her uncomfortable, so she changed the subject. "I thought you would be out celebrating this New Year's Eve with Rodney or Ronon or perhaps Dave. You should be with someone special tonight."
"I am." He voiced, but his eyes were still intent on the television.
Teyla was taken aback by his words. So she changed the subject, again. "Why is your shoulder still so tender? Were you injured, again?"
"Kind of."
"You were in the infirmary? In Atlantis?" She didn't give him time to answer. "Why did you not call me?" She stood from the sofa, the crest of emotions at the tip of the surface. "You went on another mission? You were supposed to wait until I got clearance from Stargate Command to join your team."
Panic rose on her like wildfire.
When she had heard of his injury, she was terrified. Rodney, Ronon and her never liked the idea of John going off on missions without them. It didn't matter that they weren't in the Pegasus, they were still a team. But the SGC had other ideas.
Teyla and Ronon had only limited clearance and were still regarded under military supervision. They could only be away from headquarters within a certain distance and would have to report at least once a week of their whereabouts. John had made a point to share with them that this was standard protocol, since even with Tealc' it had taken many years before the trust level was firmly established. So, they would have to wait patiently until the SGC felt it was deemed to allow them back on a regular team in off-world missions. Teyla was desperate to get back on John's team. Not only would it distract her from thinking of Torren, but it would also allow her to keep an eye out for John. She always felt that connection with him from the very first time they met and she owed it to him to always watch his back. But there was another reason, if the SGC wouldn't let Atlantis go back to the Pegasus, her other only alternative was to find another way back and that could only be found in another world in the form of another ship, or with some form of off-world technology with the means to take her back where she belonged, with her people, in the grasps of her son.
But that would have to wait.
She also prayed and hoped that Rodney would find a strong enough power source for her to use the Stargate to get back home. Rodney had been assigned his own station where he was working with Ancient technology and a means to create weapons of mass destruction to defeat any alien induce attack on Earth. He was not thrilled with the idea of working alongside Todd, but they all knew that was a cover-up act. Rodney loved to dig into the mind of the alien scientist.
But John. John was different. He had to do something. He had to go back to the field. So he was assigned his own temporary team and would get to go off-world using the Stargate at the SGC. Teyla accompanied him in one of those missions, but the IOA disapproved citing that she was still under PAC (Protective Alien Coalition) which regarded her and Ronon as residence of Earth but with added restrictions and supervision rights.
The thought of John going off-world on missions without her was terrifying. She worried; worried that something would happen to him and Ronon wasn't there to back him up. Frightened that Rodney wouldn't be there to get him out of an impossible situation. Petrified that he would die without her there to die right alongside him. Outraged by the possibility that she would be left alone in this unknown and empty world.
Everytime he went on a mission without her, he was leaving her. And this last mission almost caused him his life, and it infuriated her that he had left without her knowledge. He carelessly abandoned her, once again.
"Teyla, I had to..." But she never let him finish.
"No." She looked away from him. There was nothing he could say to her that would ease her anger. He had stormed into her apartment tonight, and had not let her grieve the way she had planned, and now in a matter of seconds she had learned that she almost lost him... again! "You are an extremely exasperating man." She said, trying to control the rise in her voice.
She stood from the sofa for his presence was way too near her.
"Teyla, I had no choice. I had to go back." His voice was low, tender, almost pleading.
Pleading for what? For his life? For her to let him go? She knew his calling for the military life. She always knew he could never leave it all behind. And that wasn't the problem. She felt a calling for it as well, and the realization of it terrified her more than she cared to admit. But that was not what this was about. She'd already lost a part of her that will never return. Even if she were ever to go back to the Pegasus and reunite with her son, the months that have gone by without him will never be replaced. And now John Sheppard hastily bargained with his life just for the thrill of it without even considering what it would do to her if anything would ever happen to him? Did he not understand?
"There is always a choice!" She said dully. "The SGC has cleared you of all your duties. You do not have to go to any off-world missions." Her eyes were blazing on him. "They have offer you other options that do not require you to risk your life so vainly. But that is not sufficient for you. You wish yourself free of your inner turmoil. Whatever danger lies behind the tip of a blade or the shot of a weapon is far more appealing to you than actually facing reality."
Her head was pounding, her mind was whirling. She had to get away from him. Her emotions were clouding her judgement. Her anger was confusing her. She had no idea where these thoughts and this rage was fueling from and she must not loose herself.
But he stood right beside her, holding her arm. "Teyla, you're not listening to me. Just let me explain."
No, she would not listen. She was only feeling, and the pain and anger were growing every second.
"You should go now." She said as she turned to the door.
"Teyla, don't." His voice was unsteady.
She was angry and frustrated and felt as if everything inside her was hurting. She was tired. She wanted to face no one today. She wanted to go to her bed and pound her pillow with her fist and forget everything and everyone. Alone. She wanted to be alone. "I am tired."
"You were crying before I came, weren't you?" She stiffened at his admission.
She had to find some composure. She would not allow him to see the truth behind her pain. He had no right to turn her words against her. "No, I was not. Now, please leave."
"Your mascara smudges were a dead give away. Why were you crying, Teyla?" John's voice vibrated with intensity.
Pain.
So much pain.
Loneliness.
Darkness.
Fury.
Too many feelings to give an answer.
This was not happening, she kept telling herself. This was not John. He was usually closed off, unwilling to speak about anything that had anything to do with emotions. He was never good with "feelings". What was worse was that she was never the one to loose herself so frailly.
Suddenly, she heard the sound of a baby crying. She froze. Her eyes wandered her apartment, searching for what she knew could not be possible. Sadly, her eyes fell on the television. A child no more than two years old was hurt and his mother was healing the wounds with the cream that was being advertise. It had always amazed her how this world was so easily persuaded into these advertisement to lure them into purchasing their products. At that moment, that figure on the screen reminded her of only one thing, a child; Torren.
Where was he at this moment? Was he safe? Had the Wraith discovered New Athos? Had he been culled? Was Kanaan enough to sustain the balance of such a delicate being in his care? Why had she not gone to them first? Why had she so casually put his life on hold? Why? For whom? Who did she think about when she made that choice to stay in Atlantis? Was it for her? Her people? Her team? Her son? Was it for John?
Her eyes turned towards the one in question and everything became suddenly clear. John Sheppard had entered her life like a thief in the night and had altered everything and everyone in her life. He had demanded too much, had pushed her to boundaries that she had set herself long before he ever entered her world, and with a blink of an eye, with a step forward, he had changed her history's existence completely.
John Sheppard.
He pulled her closer to him, grasping her shoulders tightly. "Teyla, tell me what's wrong?"
She ignored his question. "You should go now, John," she said, jerking off his grasp.
Why couldn't she control her emotions tonight? What was wrong with her? It wasn't like her to be so undisciplined.
"I'm not going anywhere! Weren't you the one to tell me that it's not healthy to keep everything all bottled up inside?" There was sympathy and a hint of frustration clear in his voice.
When did John Sheppard ever showed any sympathy? True, he'd come to her on several occasions when she had thought no one to be there, but when it had mattered the most, when she sought out to him openly, he had not known what to do and she did not find the comfort that she so longed from him. Instead, she had found something in Kanaan. She had been happy with him. Had made a family and was willing to spend the rest of her life with him alongside her son. But that was lost now. Lost forever. Most likely he had found someone back in New Athos, someone to warm his bed, someone to feel his hard calloused hands, someone to nurse her son, raise him as her own, where soon others would surely follow, if not already.....No! And where was she? What was she doing?
Alone.
Alone with John Sheppard.
Impossible.
She must get him to leave. She was shaking she realized. Weakness. She had to get John to leave and she had to do it now. She would be all right soon. She would weep under her sheets, sleep and grow stronger. And tomorrow, tomorrow she could face John again with coolness and control. But not now...
"My head aches and your presence is aggravating it further. You may come back tomorrow if you wish, but I must have this time to myself, John. Please leave."
She was holding on to her temper by a thin thread.
"Teyla." His head turned ever so slightly toward her. He had beautiful eyes. And they were looking at her with genuine concern.
And that was her undoing.
"You do not understand," She couldn't go on. He wouldn't have understood a word said after that, anyway. She was sobbing. It was mortifying but impossible for her to stop.
Teyla tried to contain her sobs by stepping away from him, but John had other intentions. He wrapped his arms around her, patting her occasionally a bit awkwardly, and let her soak his shirt with her uncontrollable tears.
Once the tears stopped, the hiccups started. Her head was down on his good shoulder, her mouth pressed against the side of his throat. She told herself to get a hold of her emotions and moved away from him.
When she thought she could speak without stuttering, she finally spoke in a clipped voice. "I..."
"Yeah?"
"I am not myself tonight." She fixed her gaze on his eyes and her entire body tensed as his fingers picked up a strand of her hair and let it slowly slide over his hand. He smelled so good, felt so warm, and was so close to her, their bodies almost touching; an urgency sang through her body.
"Don't worry. I don't kiss and tell." He grimaced, with a little scruff in his voice.
His answer afforded her boundless relief allowing her to relax slightly.
"We have not kissed." She felt much relieved after that out pour cry and it made her a bit giddy, but she needed to regain control of the situation.
Then, his arms entwined around her waist, his head buried in the crook of her neck, and his lips brushed lightly against her skin.
"I won't tell anyone." He kissed her neck, tickling her skin with the tip of his moistened lips.
She gasped at the feel of his lips, the touch of his breath against her ear. He did not attempt to kiss her, only continued to hold her carefully, as if his body were absorbing her details.
"This wasn't the reason why, crap!..." He murmured, jerking back as though he'd been struck by lighting.
Teyla wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hands. "It is alright, John."
"Teyla..."At first he did not seem to have heard her lost in his own thoughts. "You're not alright. It's Torren. You miss him too much."
Teardrops glistened on her eyelashes and slipped down her cheeks. "I do not belong here, John."
Suddenly, his hand cupped the back of her neck and gently pulled her closer, "I know, Teyla." He lowered his head, his mouth brushing over her face with the softness of butterfly wings. The ardor of his abandonment astonished her. His lips coasted the corners of her mouth, lingered, then quested across her jaw until his tongue touched the soft lobe of her ear.
Blindly, Teyla turned her mouth to his, wanting the full presence of his kiss. He gave it to her slowly, doubting, hesitating, questioning his openly and daring act. He possessed her by agonizing degrees until finally his mouth settled fully upon hers. The rhythm of her breath turned desperate. She wanted to wrap herself around him, welcome him deeper into her embrace. The contact of his mouth on her changed everything. This wasn't a teasing little kiss nor an alien-induced kiss. It was hot, desperate and hungry. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let him kiss the breath out of her. She wanted nothing more but to loose herself in his being. She could feel that he had tried to end the kiss several times, but neither was able to step back. For too long, she had waited on him and this felt too right. The compulsion was too powerful and it render her helpless to let him go.
Her fingers gently traced the ragged scar on his left shoulder beneath his shirt. The blade of the sword had gone clear through, tearing a tendon and muscle and just barely missing an artery. She couldn't loose him, she realized. The urgency to speak her mind was fighting against the will to surrender herself completely in his arms. Ready or not, he was here and she must accept him.
He grabbed her hand and wouldn't let her continue to stroke the scar. He kissed her again, long and hard, and then broke the kiss with a low curse. "Teyla, we aren't doing this." He threaded his fingers through his hair. "I only came here because...
Teyla wrapped her arms around herself and stared at him dumbly, knowing that her trembling must have been visible to him just as his was to her.
"This is crazy..." he began.
Suddenly, they were in each other's arms.
She wasn't sure what she said but her mouth moved and her voice did speak. Yet she was lost in a haze when his hands untied the knot holding her robe in place; the only thing between his hands and her body was a flimsy T-shirt and a pair of shorts. He kissed her again, a hot, searing kiss and she trembled in his arms as he slowly eased her T-shirt over her head and then she helped him get out of his jeans.
Her response to his touch stunned her. His hands caressed every inch of her body. He was passionate and giving and frantic to please. And she gloried in the feel of his body so intimately against her own. He tore his mouth away and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "Teyla?" he whispered.
Her lips tingled beneath his mouth and she could feel the heat of his body reach out to her. She had always revealed too much of herself to him and the yielding of her body was another form of surrender.
"I do not wish to be alone...." She wanted to say so much more. All the years wasted, longing, hoping and just when it seemed like all was lost, he offered what she didn't asked, but she had wanted nothing more. Giving into John Sheppard, relenting to her deepest desires, wasn't easy. Yet nothing ever felt so right to her than this moment. She was lost in her own passion, rendering what she'd always known belonged to her, and accepting what her heart yearned for so long.
He lifted his head and she looked into his eyes feeling the passion and something more slowly surfacing beneath his soul. There were tears in her eyes, and he reached out and reverently touched her cheeks. "You're not alone, Teyla." She could hear the seriousness in him.
She closed her eyes and didn't resist when he lifted her in his arms, letting go of the past and succumbing to his will, a true reflection of her own.
As he cradled her in his arms, the feel of bedsheets underneath her, she knew then that her wounds would heal. She would never cease her quest to return to her world, find her people, wrap her arms around her son once again. But John's embrace shun her emptiness and offered solace and comfort and so much more. An unspoken bond sealed with a promise that would mend her heartbreak with a simple act of completeness.
Mindless to the world around her, Teyla lost her speech and breath as he sank deep and their rhythm started. Her arms closed tightly around him and only he existed in her world. Teyla felt no problems, no fears, no pain and sorrow. There was only acceptance, trust and belonging in the rapture of their lovemaking.
Much later, John collapsed on top of her. She could hear his ragged breathing as he lifted himself up on one elbow.
"You okay?" he asked hoarsely.
Minutes ago she had been lost in a frenzied of passions, yet now she felt filled with a wholesome relief, tranquil as the stillness of an untouched water's pool.
She looked into his eyes and was bemused by the lingering haze of his passion.
"Yes. Are you?" she said groggily, her hand creeping to the center of his chest.
He lifted her chin and gazed directly into her eyes. "You're so beautiful." Before she could respond, he ran his thumb across her lips. An undefinable expression flitted over his face for only a second and then was gone. He bent his head and his lips brushed against hers. He kissed the bridge of her nose and carefully, rolled away from her.
She heard him yawn, and she tried to turn over to face him, but he hauled her up against him and kissed the back of her neck.
"This wasn't why I came here tonight." His warm, sweet breath tickled her ear. "You distracted me."
"I distracted you? I was attempting to get you to leave. I only wanted sometime to myself." She felt the smile on his lips against her bare back.
"Right, in that little outfit you had on? I don't think so." He held her hand back as she tried to smack him playfully with the pillow.
"I was not expecting any company, tonight." Beneath her bare body pressed against his, she felt the lean muscles of his strong, masculine body .
"I came to tell you why I went back to that planet and what I found." The tone of his voice was no longer playful.
She tensed at his words and tried to roll over to face him again, but he held her tight against his arms.
"Why would Stargate Command allow you to return to a hostile planet and while you are still healing?"
"This wasn't a mission. General Landry gave me clearance to go spend a couple of days with some off-world friends. That's what I wanted him to think. I'm a big shot now, remember. I can do just about anything. Besides, I did have to go visit a friend. A big bad Monster friend."
"You went to that planet on your own?" Her frustration at his carelessness was carried in her voice.
"That was the only way, Teyla. These Ancients...I couldn't stand to see you like this anymore. I had to do something." His shoulders tensed beneath her body as if he struggled with a heavy burden.
The anticipation of his next words made her hold her breath, but her heart pounded feverishly and she found herself unable to find her voice.
"I'd do anything for you, Teyla." He murmured against her ear.
She drew a deep breath to ease the tightness of her chest. The urge to see his face, to feel his lips with her fingers was too strong.
As if he heard her thoughts, gently, he turned her around to finally let her face him. "It wasn't easy and Rodney is not going to like it but I need him to stay here on Earth and get Atlantis ready to come back to the Pegasus once the SGC allows it." He paused and looked away in deep thought. "I'll certainly be Court Marshall because the SGC will never forgive me for this when they find out. Teyla, what I found... the Ancients will never let Earth or anyone else get their hands on it. They won't even be able to find it. I'm not even sure how I did it! It doesn't matter anyways, since it'll be awhile before we hear from Earth. This is a one way ticket, and no else will be able to follow us. My only concern is Rodney, but they won't touch him. He's not military and they need him too much. They'll want him to get the city back to full function. He'll be fine."
She shivered and drew in a breath while his hand tightened around her, her eyes fixed on his. "And yes, I'm coming with you."
Her eyes widened and she was certain she knew what his words meant, but she was voiceless.
"You see, I don't belong here either, Teyla." His eyes glittered with an almost feverish vitality and her tears rolled freely down her face.
"John.." nothing more would come out of her mouth. She could feel the muscles of her stomach tighten at the thought of his confession.
All was silent for a moment and somehow Teyla knew exactly what he was going to say next.
"I didn't want to tell you until I was sure." Gently, he held her hand against his wounded shoulder, "I should be dead, but these damn Ancients and the way they whirl us around....but I beat them at their own game, Teyla. It took me awhile and two attempts and well...I can't give you all the details, but what I can tell you...this fatal wound, this came with a price, with a pact between the Ancients and I, and it was well worth it."
Her breath was coming in short pants, and her eyes were overflowed as the meaning of his words rang true in her ears. "We're going home, Teyla."
~fin~
Author's Notes: This is a story within a story. One that I have no time to tell. But, yes. John is being a bad boy once again. He's pretty much breaking all the rules here to get to what he wants to get Teyla back to the Pegasus with her son since he knows that Earth isn't in any hurry to get the city back there anytime soon. So, yes...this involved lots of dangerous fighting for John, it also involved him fighting big bad monsters, there are Ancients involved and there's a magnificent treasure that only he could find due to his Ancient Gene, but I don't have time to tell the story that takes place during and after this fic. But just to clarify any confusion as to the details missing in this story; John is a very smart man and if in the Return he was able to expertly take a puddle jumper and fly off it right in front of General Landry and still get away with it, I think he can go off world and find a treasure, not tell anyone, go back through that same Stargate for a supposedly casual visit, fight a monster again, come back slightly hurt and then tell Teyla that they can leave now! ;) I think he's capable of doing that. Again, there a huge story here but I'm not ready to write a 30,000 word fic. Not yet. So, I hope this makes sense and that I've explain and given enough hints for the reader to figure out that John would do just about anything when he sets his mind to it, and yes, he can do it right in front of the SGC. He's done so many times before. ;) And the court marshall comment is in regards to the fact that John does expect that the SGC will eventually bring the city back to the Pegasus, will find John and will want some answers since once he left, no one but him has the power to even find where the hidden treasure is located since it's protected by the Ancients and their big bad monsters. ;) Title inspired by the lyrics of Switchfoot's Fatal Wound" Check lyrics here: www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/switchfoot/thefatalwound.html