Fic: “Complications”, Dan/Jan, Mature Teen - Part 1 of 2
Title: Complications
Author: Cole J colej55
Rating: Mature Teens
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Written For: cnidarian
Prompt:
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Janet Fraiser
Three Things You Want To See: episodic fallout, season 4 onward
Three Things You Do NOT Want To See: No Heroes
Author's Notes: Imagine my shock when I drew prompts from one of my all time favorite authors - who also happens to be my beta reader and writing mentor! Massive kudos to Lin for her diligent work as my proxy beta. Izz, I hope this tag ending for “Evolution” meets your expectations… you’ve set the bar high.
Colonel O’Neill was fighting back panic the only way he knew how. By checking on the teammate who made it home safely… using the term loosely. Jack couldn’t do anything for Teal’c and Major Carter except hope that their mission would be a success. Pray that they would return in one piece. Well… two pieces… if you want to get technical, he mused as he wandered toward Daniel’s office, where he heard that the archaeologist was hiding amidst the comfort of the clutter he lovingly referred to as “priceless artifacts”.
Imprisonment, torture, and battle wounds were some heavy-duty issues to deal with and the colonel was fairly certain that his esteemed friend and colleague was trying to shove them neatly under his emotional rug.
* * *
“Hey, pal. How’s it feel to be out of the infirmary and out from under Doc Fraiser’s constant scrutiny?”
“Okay, I guess,” Daniel answered with indifference as he continued to stare at his computer screen.
“That’s it? Okay you ’guess’?” Jack asked with one eyebrow raised and his head cocked.
“Isn’t that enough for you?” the doctor snapped in retort.
“Okay, okay, Daniel. I get your not too subtle message. You want to be left alone.”
Finally looking up at his team leader, the obviously troubled archaeologist replied somewhat sheepishly, “No, I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean it that way…. There’s just a lot to ….”
His apology was cut short by the sounding of “unauthorized off-world activation” from the speakers overhead as the klaxons sounded and lights flashed in the hallway.
“Um… would you mind… ” the colonel said, pointing toward the door with his thumb while he took one step in that direction.
“Just go, Jack. I’ll catch up with you.”
“Thanks,” the colonel yelled over his shoulder from halfway down the corridor as he was jogging toward the gate room.
* * *
Dr. Fraiser looked down from the high, safe vantage point of the control room overlooking the gate. The smile on her face was an obvious sign of the tremendous relief she felt over the return of the two missing members of SG-1. As they made their way down the ramp, her clinical eyes were already making their first assessments. Teal’c looks fine, she thought with satisfaction, but if Sam has her arm in a sling then…. Knowing immediately that there was more wrong with the major than she could determine from above, the doctor made her way down the stairs toward the jubilant group in the gate room. Though there was no call for a medical team, she instinctively knew that more than a cursory post-mission exam would be required. She rounded the corner into the hallway just in time to hear Sam accept the colonel’s offer of lunch.
“I think not, Major Carter,” the doctor said sternly with hands on hips. Knowing that Sam was as bad or worse than Colonel O’Neill when it came to hiding or making light of injuries, she continued tersely, “The infirmary. Now! Both of you.”
Sam merely made a face at Jack that seemed to express disappointment.
Shrugging his shoulders, Colonel O’Neill said simply, “Hey…. She outranks me when it comes to medical issues. There’s not much I can do except make sure your lunch tray includes blue Jell-O.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” Sam muttered as she trudged past the short, but dominating physician on her way to her post-mission exam.
* * *
“Teal’c, old buddy,” Jack said turning to the massive man looking on impassively. “Surely you’re hungry. C’mon… I’ve heard there’s chocolate cake.”
“I am sorry, O’Neill, but I have learned long ago never to go against Doctor Fraiser’s orders.”
“Well… okay,” the leader acquiesced as he received a nod of respect from the Jaffa, who then turned to follow the procession toward the infirmary.
“I guess it’s just you and me, Daniel.”
“Uh… I’m not very hungry.”
“And I don’t recall asking you about your appetite… Daniel,” he replied firmly, not giving the younger man an out.
“Like I said… Jack, I’m not….”
“Tut!” the colonel said insistently with a wave of his index finger, stopping his friend in mid-sentence. “I can make it an order if you want, but I shouldn’t have to treat you like a three-year-old and demand that you eat. Now, after you?”
“All right, but I don’t have to like it,” Daniel replied petulantly as he passed the colonel to make his way to the elevator.
* * *
As Doctor Fraiser completed the daily ritual of examining, and then cleansing and re-bandaging the wound on Dr. Jackson’s leg, she tried to make small talk to pass the time more pleasantly.
“So, Daniel, how’s the work going on the artifacts brought back by SG-4. Anything interesting?”
“Just the usual,” he intoned unenthusiastically.
“No secret compartments holding apocalyptic bugs or vaporous entities?” Janet asked in jest, as she worked on his wound.
“I wish…”
The physician stopped what she was doing to study her patient’s face, having found his answer a bit out of character and somewhat disconcerting.
“Daniel, would you like to talk about what happened to you and Dr. Lee?”
“What made you ask that?” he inquired, seeming a bit too defensive.
Going back to bandaging his leg in order to continue the conversation without putting him further on the defensive, she continued, “I don’t know. If I had been through what you two experienced, I suppose I’d want to talk to someone about it. That’s all.”
“Janet, I’m fine. Can we please change the subject?”
“Sure, Daniel. I apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be overly sensitive. I just don’t feel much like talking about it.”
Finishing her bandaging job, Janet changed the subject by asking, “So, still coming for dinner? Cass is really looking forward to seeing you. I don’t think she quite believes me when I tell her that you’re going to be fine. I think she wants to see for herself.”
“Yeah… sure. I’m looking forward to seeing her, too.”
“Good, then I’ll stop by your office at the end of my shift. You don’t need to be driving with that leg, so just plan to ride to the house with me. Okay?”
“Sure, thanks,” Daniel said, picking up his pants from the end of the bed.
“I’ll let you get dressed and back to work,” the doctor said, closing her chart and slipping out of the curtained-off cubicle.
* * *
As promised, Janet picked up Daniel and they drove to her house in companionable silence. Daniel wasn’t very talkative and Janet was too tired to do much more than focus on her driving. It had been a very long week and she was looking forward to two days of down time - on a weekend no less. It would be good to spend the time enjoying the solitude of her home, including a few hours with Cassie before she left for a sleepover, and perhaps the remainder of her time with a certain archaeologist. She planned to invite him to spend the weekend, not only negating his need to return to the SGC for dressing changes, but also so he wouldn’t have to spend his time alone. Maybe he would open up to her in the more intimate setting of their shared bed.
* * *
Cassie was elated to see Daniel and threw herself at him, only stopping inches from him when he put his hands up in defense, while delicately balancing himself on one leg and the crutches tightly clamped under his arms.
“Uncle Daniel!” Cassie exclaimed as she gently hugged him. “Mom said you were okay, but I didn’t believe her. Does it hurt much?”
“No… your mom is a great doctor and I’m feeling much better.”
“Good! Come right over here. I’ve got the recliner all set… even brought some extra pillows for you to prop your leg on.”
“Cass, there’s really no need to fuss. I’m fine.”
“I know that, but let me take care of you, okay? Over here, Uncle Daniel.”
* * *
Janet smiled as she watched her bouncy, happy, teenage daughter fluff pillows and dote on Daniel, much to his chagrin. It wasn’t until Cassie’s nasal whining and flailing mockery followed by an exaggerated, “Oh puleeez, is that the best you can do?” that he cracked a grin and finally joined her in laughter. It was the first time Janet had seen him smile, much less laugh, since he had returned from his harrowing experience in the Nicaraguan jungle. As she watched her daughter work miracles with her formerly morose patient, she thought, I hope my invitation of a weekend in bed… with me… earns the next big smile.
* * *
Following dinner, Cassie retreated to her bedroom to finish packing for the weekend. With the teen gone from their presence, Janet rejected Daniel’s offer of help with the dishes, but said that she had a counter proposal to proffer. He had reluctantly accepted the invitation of a quiet weekend in her company after she had bribed him with the promise of unlimited backrubs and in-home medical care provided by his very own scantily clad, personal physician. Even if he seemed less than enthusiastic, his agreeing to stay had at least put a smile on her face while she returned to her work cleaning up the kitchen, leaving Daniel to nap peacefully in the recliner with his leg propped up and pain meds onboard.
When Cassie had finished loading her car, she crept past the sleeping man and into the kitchen to let her mother know she was leaving.
“I’m all set to go, Mom. See you on Sunday. By the way, will Daniel still be here or should I say goodbye to him now?” she asked with a knowing wink, embarrassing her mother on purpose.
“Out, young lady!” Janet said, pointing toward the door, “but give me a kiss first.”
“Sure, Mom.” After complying, Cassie added, “I’m just gonna give Daniel a peck on the cheek. I promise not to wake him.”
“See you on Sunday night, honey.”
* * *
Janet had turned back to the sink to dry the last of the dishes when she heard Daniel say frantically, “Oh God, Cass! I’m so sorry!” followed by her daughter’s gasping coughs. Her heart pounding, she covered the distance to the living room in what felt like three huge steps. Her daughter was doubled over, tears streaming down her face, hands covering her throat, with wracking coughs coming between sobs.
“Janet… I’m so sorry… I don’t know… I didn’t mean to….”
Ignoring what Daniel was trying to say, Janet focused her attention on her daughter, rubbing her back comfortingly while saying, “Cass, Honey, take a breath! Come on, Sweetie; try to control your breathing. It’ll help you stop coughing.” Continuing to gently rub her back in circles, she soothed, “You’re okay, Honey.”
Meanwhile, Daniel had struggled to his feet and was balancing on one leg, looking on with what appeared to be concern. “Honest, Janet, I didn’t mean to….”
“Hush, Daniel! I’m trying to find out what’s wrong with Cassie.”
“I am… what’s wrong,” Daniel said under his breath, sounding dejected, before limping his way over to the couch, seeming to want to retreat from the fray to wait for the storm to pass.
Once Cassie had caught her breath and stopped her violent coughing, she ran from the room, still sobbing and clutching her throat.
“I’ll be back, Daniel,” Janet said before chasing after her daughter.
“I’m sure you will,” he said in a hushed voice, muttering to himself, though Janet heard it as she made her hasty exit.
* * *
The thirty minutes Daniel spent waiting for Janet to emerge from her daughter’s bedroom amounted to one of the longest half-hours of his life. He didn’t know whether to expect to be thrown from the house bodily, told to go to hell, or a combination of the two. In retrospect, he wished that he had never agreed to dinner - that he had just remained on base where he belonged. Coming home with Janet had been a very bad idea. Before he could wallow in any more self-pity, he heard Janet telling her daughter that she’d be back in a few minutes to check on her.
As she entered the living room, Daniel was trying to pull himself to his feet.
“Sit down, Daniel,” Janet said, sounding exhausted.
“God, Janet, I never meant to hurt her. She’s like a daughter to me… I… I don’t know….”
“Daniel, you’ve been through a lot and it isn’t unexpected that you would have some issues to work through. I know you didn’t mean to hurt Cassie, but you did. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.”
“Janet… I….”
“Please listen to me. I am going to have a driver come from the base to pick you up. I’m not going to confine you to the infirmary, but I am going to request that you remain in your quarters tonight. We’ll deal with this in the morning. Right now, my daughter needs me.”
In almost a whisper, Daniel replied, “God, Janet, I really never meant to hurt Cass. I love her.”
“I know, Daniel, but I think you need some help in managing this. You’ll be safe in your quarters for the night and if you need someone, just call the infirmary. The colonel is going to remain on base, as well, in case you want someone to talk to.”
“Jack? You already called him? Why?” he asked, somewhat shocked and incredulous.
“No, Cassie called him. She’s still talking to him.”
“Great, just great! Now I’m gonna get the third degree from Jack.”
“Daniel, he’s your commanding officer. He has a right to know. Besides, Cassie is the one who called him because she’s traumatized and afraid. It’s only natural that she would turn to the colonel under these circumstances. However, I’ve asked for someone from the motor pool to come get you to save you further embarrassment. I just said you needed a ride back to the base.”
Almost as soon as she finished the sentence, the doorbell rang.
Janet answered the door and Daniel could hear her say, “If you’ll wait here for just a minute, I’ll get Dr. Jackson.”
Daniel was already standing when Janet returned to the living room.
“Janet, can you forgive me? Do you think Cass will ever forgive me?” he asked quietly, so the man standing at the door in the next room couldn’t hear their conversation.
“Yes, Daniel, I have nothing to forgive you for and Cassie adores you. She just needs a little time to deal with this. It’ll all be fine. Right now, I need to devote my attention to her, so I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Please don’t come in and ruin your weekend off just because of me,” Daniel said looking at the floor in shame.
Placing a hand gently under his chin, seeming to want to attract his gaze, Janet responded, “Look at me, Daniel.”
He slowly raised his head and glanced into her eyes, having a hard time facing her.
She slid her hand upward, tenderly cupping his cheek before softly saying, “I love you. I want to check on you and I don’t care about the weekend. Do you understand that?”
Daniel nodded hesitantly, replying, “I just don’t want to mess up your plans or take you away from Cass… especially after what I’ve done.”
“It’s okay. I had planned on spending the weekend with you anyway, so if Cass is all right in the morning, I’ll see how you’re doing tomorrow. Now, the driver is waiting for you and I really need to get back to my daughter, so I think you had better go. Again, Daniel, I’m not mad at you. I just think that you’ll be more comfortable and safe staying on base tonight.”
“Okay, I understand,” Daniel said contritely. “You know I love you both.”
“Yes, I believe that you do and nothing has changed that,” she said giving him a quick kiss and then turning toward the doorway, apparently expecting him to follow her to the airman waiting to escort him back to the base.
“Lt. Michaels, I would appreciate it if you would see Dr. Jackson safely to his quarters.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the driver said with obvious respect. “I’ll be sure Dr. Jackson is taken care of.”
“Thank you, lieutenant” Janet said before turning her attention to Daniel, “and I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Dr. Jackson”
Daniel only nodded and made his exit as the airman held the door open for him.
* * *
Sitting on the edge of his bunk, holding his head hung low in despair, Daniel heard an unwelcome knock on his door. At first, he chose to ignore it, but the rapping became more insistent.
“Open up, Daniel, I know you’re in there.”
“Go away, Jack.”
“That’s not gonna happen, so open the door.”
“You know it’s not locked,” Daniel said wearily.
Jack entered the room and closed the door with a quiet metallic click, but kept his distance.
“What do you want, Jack? If you’re here to yell at me, then go ahead and get it over with. There’s no way you could make me feel any worse about what I did.”
“Mind if I sit down?”
“Do I have a choice?” Daniel asked rhetorically, not really expecting an answer.
Jack seemed to ignore him as he pulled a chair from across the room to within a few feet, and then sat down, assuming his typical casual, comfortable position, stretching his long legs out before him and interweaving his fingers on his stomach.
“You wanna tell me your version of what happened?”
“I’m sure it won’t be any different than what Cass has already told you,” Daniel said with an utterly defeated tone. “I suppose she’ll never trust me again.”
“I dunno. Cass is a pretty smart kid and a good judge of character. I think she understands that you didn’t mean to hurt her.”
Looking up for the first time, revealing red, swollen eyes, Daniel replied, “God, Jack, I would never hurt Cassie on purpose.”
“I believe you, Daniel. So, why don’t you tell me what happened?”
The younger man let out a short, sardonic laugh with a shake of his head. “You know what happened. One minute I was asleep and the next minute I almost choked Cassie to death.”
“Yeah, I got that much from talking to her,” Jack said calmly. “However, I’m asking you again, what happened? Were you dreaming? Having a flashback? What?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Daniel replied, head hung low again as he stared at his fingers as if he no longer had control over them. “I guess I just reacted instinctively. I was asleep… she startled me. I’m not sure what else to say. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but the fact remains that you did. She was hysterical when she called me.”
“Thanks, Jack. Your encouragement means a lot.”
“You know what I mean, Daniel. I think you need some help dealing with what happened to you. It’s obviously had an effect on you.”
The archaeologist didn’t respond as he continued to stare at his hands before wiping them on his pants as if he could rub the guilt away.
“Look… it’s late… you’re exhausted physically and mentally, so I’m gonna give you some space and let you try to get some sleep. I’ll be on base tonight if you decide you want to talk. I’ve also posted someone outside your door with instructions to check on you if they hear anything unusual. They’re also to notify me.”
“Why, Jack? Don’t you trust me?” Daniel snapped, looking intently into his friend’s eyes.
“Of course I trust you. However, I know how it feels to endure torture… to mistreat loved ones because of it. I’ve had the flashbacks… the nightmares… woken up crying without knowing why,” Jack said quietly, as if he weren’t accustomed to being so transparent. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you. If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ll even stay right here in this chair while you try to sleep.”
Daniel made an uncomfortable, half-smiling grimace before responding to his friend’s offer. “You know, I’m really tired. Probably, what I need to do is to take another one of Janet’s sleeping pills and go to bed.”
“About those pills… where’s the bottle?”
“Why? Do you think I’m so stupid as to try and kill myself? God, Jack, you really don’t trust me, do you?”
“Daniel, I never said that. But I’ve been where you are. I’m sure you remember our first mission to Abydos. I wasn’t exactly planning on returning home with the rest of the team. In fact, you were the one who convinced me that life was worth the struggle. I’m just trying to return the favor.”
Wordlessly, Daniel reached into his pocket and pulled out two bottles, looking at them for a moment before handing them to Jack.
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll get a glass of water and you can take a pain pill and a sleeping pill. I’ll leave another pain pill on the dresser in case you need it later. If you decide you want company or someone to listen, pick up the phone and I’ll be here in a flash. Otherwise, I’ll pick you up at 0700 for breakfast.”
“Okay, Jack,” Daniel replied, simply too tired to argue.
While Daniel got undressed and worked his way into bed, Jack got a glass of water, and then handed it to him, along with the two pills. Taking the glass and placing the medication on his tongue, Daniel took a swig of the water and rolled his head back to help the pills go down.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now try to get some sleep. If you need me, I’m only a call away,” Jack said, as he headed for the door. “And Daniel, I don’t want you fighting the medicine so you can stay awake all night and beat yourself up over what happened. I’m sure that neither Janet nor Cassie holds anything against you. We’ll all get through this together, but for tonight, you need to rest.”
“Okay… I’ll try,” Daniel said feebly, closing his eyes more to hide from dealing with the situation any further than from the desire to sleep.
“Goodnight. Call if you need me. I’ll leave word with the SF outside your door to let me know if anything happens. Sometimes its good to have someone to help you through the nightmares.”
* * *
Jack didn’t wait for a response, choosing merely to turn off the lights and make a quiet exit, confident that the medications would soon put his friend to sleep. The big question was how long he would rest comfortably before the nightmares began anew.
* * *
The colonel had only been asleep a couple of hours when his phone rang. The SF outside Daniel’s room reported having heard moaning and what sounded like begging for mercy through the door.
Sleepily, the colonel replied, “Thanks. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Without bothering to put on shoes, the colonel donned his pants and a tee shirt and hastily made his way to Daniel’s room. Sneaking in without turning on the lights, so as not to unduly startle him, Jack sat down gently on the edge of his friend’s bed. He could tell in the dim light emanating through the cracked bathroom door that Daniel was soaked in sweat and fretful. Carefully, Jack placed a hand on his friends shoulder and quietly urged him to wake up. He was prepared for and caught the fist that came flying in his direction, but was somewhat alarmed by the wide-eyed look of utter terror that crossed Daniel’s face.
“Hey, buddy, wake up. It’s me,” Jack said, relaxing his grip on the younger man’s clenched fist.
“Jack… what… how come…?”
Releasing his hold on his Daniel’s wrist, Jack leaned over to the bedside table to grasp the glass of water before handing it to his friend, who was now perched up onto one elbow, still looking dazed. While he took a swig of the water, Jack walked to the bathroom to wet a washcloth. Returning to his teammate’s bedside, he urged him to lie back down so he could place the cool rag over his forehead and eyes.
“What was the dream about?” Jack asked calmly.
Without making any attempt to remove the cloth from his face, Daniel let out a long sigh before answering timidly, “Zombies. I was being chased by zombies. How’s that for dumb?”
“Oh, I dunno. I seem to remember having to kill one of those on our last mission.”
Daniel let out a short, nervous laugh. “Yeah… Do you think we should include that in the mission report?”
“Hey, this sort of crap happens to us all the time. By now, General Hammond probably doesn’t even blink at our reports. Hell, he’d probably be disappointed and bored to death if the reports didn’t include being chased by the undead or antennaed space monsters.”
Reaching up to remove the rag from his face, apparently so that he could make eye contact, Daniel responded, “Yeah… I suppose you’re right. We seem to have a knack for getting into conflicts with the odd and weird.”
“See? It’s what we do!”
His friend smiled feebly, perhaps at the realization that SG-1’s missions were hardly mundane.
“So, how are you feeling now?”
“Okay, I guess. Not as stressed, but I really hate that you had to get out of bed just because I’m having idiotic, childish nightmares.”
“Daniel, they’re not stupid. It’s called post traumatic stress syndrome and you don’t get through it in just a couple of days of down time. Besides, you know me, I can sleep standing up against a tree. If you want, I’ll stay right here and keep watch. Maybe that’ll let you get the first good night’s sleep you’ve had since you’ve been back. The doc said she had to knock you unconscious in order to keep you in the bed while you were in the infirmary.”
“Yeah. From what I hear, I was put in isolation to keep from disturbing the rest of Janet’s inmates.”
“Not to worry. The doc understands. If it’s any consolation, I hear that Bill Lee isn’t doing any better. It happens to the best of us.”
Daniel’s expression changed markedly at the mention of Dr. Lee, his face taking on what looked like a dark, introspective character. Jack quickly changed the subject, realizing that his friend probably felt responsible for what his colleague had been through.
“I think we’ve had enough chatter, so why don’t you close your eyes and try to get some sleep. I’m gonna sit right here for a bit. At least these chairs are a lot more comfortable than the ones in the infirmary. If you’re resting okay, I’ll sneak back to my quarters in a while.”
“Jack, you really don’t have to baby sit….”
Raising an index finger in warning, Jack cut his friend’s statement off in mid-sentence. “I’m not ‘baby sitting’, I’m just keeping you company until you get back to sleep. That’s what friends do for one another.”
“I’m not going to argue that point,” Daniel replied.
Jack figured he was remembering all the times they had sat at bedsides in the infirmary over the years, keeping watch over one another.
“Good. Now, go to sleep. That’s an order.”
“Yes, sir,” Daniel answered, stifling a yawn.
Jack settled back into his chair, fully intending to spend the night keeping vigil.
Around 0300, Daniel moaned as if he were in pain, so Jack woke him just long enough to get him to take another pill. That seemed to settle him down and he was soon fast asleep again.
Meanwhile, Jack pulled another chair over and used it to prop up his legs. Within a few minutes, he was sound asleep, as well.
* * *
When Daniel awoke at around 0600, he was surprised to see his CO still in the room. He carefully removed his covers and hoisted himself up onto one leg, bending over to retrieve his crutches from the floor. He had not even taken the first step before the colonel said, “Need any help?” without opening his eyes.
“Uh… no, Jack. I’ve been going potty by myself for some time now.”
“Good, then I’ll just nap a little longer.”
When Daniel emerged from the bathroom, he found his friend half-asleep in his chair. Daniel had just sat back down on his bunk when Jack began outlining the schedule for the first portion of their day.
“Here’s what’s expected of you this morning. We’re going to breakfast at 0700, which means we both need to get cleaned up before then. I’m assuming that since your leg is heavily bandaged, you’re not going to be slipping in the shower stall, so I’ll run and grab a shower and shave myself, while you do your thing. I’ll be back here by 0650. After breakfast, you’re to report to Doc Fraiser so she can have a look at the leg, while I get to do a little pow-wow with Hammond. Beyond that, it’s up for grabs.”
“Gee, Jack, I didn’t know that you had taken responsibility for my social schedule.”
“No problem, Danny Boy. Just another one of my many talents. And now, if you will permit me, I shall take my leave. Be ready on time!”
“Yes, sir!” Daniel said emphatically while giving a mock salute.
* * *
Jack dove into his breakfast like a starving man, while Daniel just moved his food about on the plate. Taking notice of his friend’s obvious lack of appetite and contemplative mood, he asked, “Okay, what’s up? Pancakes are meant to be eaten, not stirred.”
“Oh… um… I guess I’m not very hungry.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Jack said with sarcasm. “Now, I’m going to ask you again. What’s up?”
“If you must know, I’m still thinking about what happened last night.”
“And?”
“Well… um… I really regret scaring Cassie so much.”
“Scaring her… is that what you think you did?” Jack asked a bit incredulously.
“I didn’t hurt her… I would never hurt her!” Daniel shot back, sounding defensive.
“Then you’ve forgotten the hysterical call she made to me last night?”
“No, Jack, I haven’t.”
“Just in case you have, she told me you choked her so hard that she couldn’t breath. She actually thought that you were going to kill her.”
“God, Jack, I would never hurt Cass!”
“Ah… but you did hurt her, Daniel.”
“No, Jack, I didn’t. I just scared her. That’s all.”
“No, Daniel. She loves you and you’ve traumatized her. In my book, that counts as hurting her.”
“I’m sorry. Okay?”
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to. Besides, that’s not enough. An apology won’t fix this because Cassie needs to know that she can trust you again. You’ve got a hell of a lot of damage control to do with her. She’s been through enough without losing you, too.”
“That’s not fair! She isn’t losing me!” Daniel retorted with what appeared to be a tinge of anger in his voice.
Jack shot back, “Oh really? You think that grabbing her in a chokehold around the throat gives her the warm, fuzzy, fatherly, love that she needs from you?”
Daniel evidently realized that their conversation was getting louder and would soon be drawing more attention than their usual arguments because he answered more quietly, “No, Jack, but honestly, I didn’t mean to hurt her. You have to believe me.”
“I do believe you, Daniel, but you need help. Serious help.”
“I just need time to work through it, that’s all,” Daniel replied meekly.
“I disagree. I know post-traumatic stress when I see it. And while we’re on the subject, how come your mission report has more holes in it than a Wisconsin Swiss cheese?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jack.”
“Daniel… I think you do,” Jack answered firmly.
“No, Jack, I don’t!”
“Damn strange that Dr. Lee gave a detailed account of torture. Why were you so special that they tortured him, but not you?” Jack spat back, knowing that he was slowly gaining the upper hand on Daniel.
“What they did to us is not germane to the mission report. Furthermore, I don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel replied emphatically.
“Oh, but you’re wrong. You will talk about it because the nightmares and flashbacks won’t go away until you do.”
“Why do you have to keep pushing? I’ll apologize to Janet and Cass. I’ll fix it.”
Jack, taking a softer approach, answered, “Daniel, I’ve been there. I don’t want to see you go through this alone. After Iraq and losing my son, I lost the most important relationship in my life because I clammed up.”
“I know,” Daniel said quietly, appearing to have been deeply impacted by Jack’s very personal revelation.
“Listen, I may be dumb, but I’m certainly not blind. You and the doc both deserve another chance at, shall we say… wedded bliss… and I think you’d make a heck of a father to Cassie. So, don’t blow it by expecting this to go away on its own.”
Daniel appeared to be staring at Jack with a classic “hand caught in the cookie jar” look, which the colonel would have found immensely amusing at any other time; however, the seriousness of the situation prompted him to forge on with an ultimatum.
“Now, you have three choices - mix and match as you choose. You can talk through it with me, you can schedule appointments with Dr. McKenzie, which wouldn’t be my personal first choice given your track record with him, or you can work through this with Doc Fraiser. I may be here for you as your friend, but let me make something perfectly clear. You’re not going to return to active duty on my team until the Dr. Fraiser tells me you’re ready - physically, as well as emotionally.”
There was a long silence before Daniel spoke again, as he seemed to be mesmerized by the swirls he was stirring into the maple syrup on his plate. Finally, with the uncomfortable, nervous, half-smile that Jack had seen many times when his friend was about to make an important admission, he responded, “You’re right… I… um… I don’t want to lose Janet and Cassie. And I really am sorry.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing. Jeez, Daniel, you do guilt better than anybody I’ve ever met!”
“Sorr….”
“Hey! What did I say?”
Daniel just sat there staring at Jack as if he couldn’t speak at all if he couldn’t continue to express his contrition.
“I believe you. Besides, I understand some of what you’re going through because I’ve been there. Just so we’re clear on this, I want you to know that my phone rings as well at night as it does during the day.”
“Thanks, Jack,” Daniel finally answered submissively. “I’ll get through this… I promise.”
Jack, deciding that both breakfast and their conversation had reached an end, stood, stacked their trays, and then placed a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder in passing as he said, “Now, you have an appointment with the doc and I’m off to see the wizard, otherwise known as General Hammond.”
He was pleased to see that his referring to the general as the Wizard of Oz had brought a feeble smile to Daniel’s face as he, too, got up from the table and headed for the door.
* * *
On the trip to the infirmary, Daniel moved even slower than normal on his crutches. He was dreading seeing Janet. With each step, more and more panic welled up in his throat until he was sure that he knew what Cassie must have experienced the night before because he felt as if his neck were in a vice by the time he reached the space outside Janet’s office.
Taking a big, deep breath, Daniel knocked on the door.
“Enter,” came from within.
Opening the door just enough to hop barely beyond the threshold into the room, Daniel stood awkwardly, not quite sure what to say. The excruciating silence seemed to linger endlessly, leaving him to balance on one foot and yet fidget nervously.
Janet finally looked up from the paperwork on her desk - her face a blank, non-reactive mask as she said, “You’re early for your appointment.”
“Um… I’m not really here about my leg. May I come in and sit down?”
“Of course,” she said, getting up to retrieve an extra chair, and then bringing it over to him, telling him he needed to keep his leg elevated. She helped him get settled, but seemed to be carefully remaining in full doctor mode.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied politely, rounding her desk again. Once she had sat back down, it appeared as if she were trying to protectively hide behind the mound of charts on her desk. “What can I do for you?” she inquired with apparent professional detachment.
“Well… um… first, I’ve come to apologize about last night.”
“Thank you, but I think it’s Cassie who really needs to hear you say that.”
“I know. I really scared her and I’m so sorry,” Daniel said timidly.
Letting out a sigh, Janet responded with a seemingly softer, more personal tone to her voice, “Daniel, you did more than scare her. You betrayed Cassie’s trust. She loves you like a father and you’re the last person in the world she would ever expect to hurt her physically.”
The words stung deeply with an echoing quality, prompting Daniel to blurt out of genuine concern, “Oh God, Janet! Did I hurt her?”
“Technically… other than the bruises on her neck, no. But she’s afraid of you now and there’s nothing that I can say at this point to change that. In fact, I don’t think that I should even try, given your present state of unpredictability.”
“Jack told me about her calling him,” Daniel said meekly, lacking the courage to look Janet in the eye.
“Daniel, Cass cried herself to sleep last night.”
Not knowing how to respond, Daniel just sat there staring at his hands.
“You can’t go on like this. You need help.”
“I know.”
“You’ve been through so much in the years that I’ve known you. Daniel, everyone has their breaking point and quite frankly, as your doctor, I’m amazed that you’ve lasted this long.”
There seemed to be a certain tone of finality to Janet’s voice that frightened him. In response he pleaded, “I can get through this. I know I can. Please don’t give up on me, Janet”
“I’m not so sure,” she replied flatly. “At the very least, I think… no… I know that you’re going to need professional counseling.”
Once again pleading - almost to the point of begging - Daniel said, “Please, Janet, can’t we work through this together? You’re my doctor. What if I promise to talk through it with you and Jack? Make it up to Cassie?”
Janet appeared to be pensive, inhaling deeply and letting the air out slowly before responding.
“I honestly don’t know if that will be enough. I’m not a professional counselor and….”
Cutting her off in mid-sentence, Daniel added, “And you’re my best and dearest friend.”
Again, Janet sat in prolonged silence, causing Daniel to feel an almost palpable level of awkwardness in their previously very comfortable relationship.
Janet sat forward in her chair, interlaced her fingers, and set her hands upon her desk before looking Daniel squarely in the eye.
“I’m humbled that you have put that kind of trust in me, Daniel. Honestly and somewhat selfishly, I’m deeply worried about you because I value your friendship so much. And, quite frankly, I’m not sure I can remain objective about this because of our relationship. I just don’t think that I’m the right person to try to help you through this.”
“Please, can’t we just try?” he begged, feeling panic rising up within him.
“You do understand that General Hammond has read Dr. Lee’s full report of what happened to the two of you and that Bill is seeing Dr. McKenzie, right?”
“I know. Jack told me.”
“Additionally, it would be my duty to tell the general that you are refusing to accept professional help.”
Once again bargaining, Daniel said nervously, “I don’t know what else to say other than I promise to talk to you and Jack. Then, if you think I need it, I’ll talk to McKenzie. Please say you’ll agree to that.”
“Daniel, I have apologized many times for what I put you through with Dr. McKenzie. I understand why you’re so hesitant to talk to him - especially about anything personal,” Janet replied softly. “I’m not being unkind or vengeful for what happened last night. I care too much about you to do that. What I am saying, however, is that I’m not specifically trained in counseling post traumatic stress as it pertains to torture victims.”
There. It was out in the open. The word that Daniel couldn’t even think about, let alone say aloud. Withdrawing from the conversation, he stared down at his hands. Nervously rubbing his pants leg smooth. Trying to remove every crease and wrinkle. Struggling to put some tiny sense of order back into his life.
Janet finally broke the pained silence. “I can do some research. I’m willing to try to help you through this, but you’ve got to talk to the colonel and I openly and on a regular schedule. Additionally, you must agree that we include General Hammond in the loop. Naturally, this is all subject to his approval, but I’ll plead your case for you.”
“Thanks, Janet. What you’re doing means a lot to me. And again, I really am sorry.”
“I know you are, Daniel.”
“You won’t regret this; I promise.”
“I certainly hope not,” the physician said, still seeming a tad hesitant.
“So, how can I start to make it up to Cass?”
Taking a deep breath, appearing to need a moment to think about her answer, Janet finally said, “Well, as you know, she’s a very loving, trusting young lady. She adores you, Daniel, which is in your favor. I would start by giving her a call after school and see how it goes from there. Cassie will let you know when she’s ready to see you again. I also think it’s best that you stay on base until we see how your counseling sessions go.”
“All right”, Daniel said a bit dejectedly. “I understand. I’ll fix this, you’ll see….”
“I believe that you will in time. Now, let’s have a look at your leg, and then I’ll go speak with General Hammond. I’ll stop by your office after I’ve talked to him. And again, Daniel, all of this is subject to his approval, so I’m not making any promises.”
Continued in Part 2
Author: Cole J colej55
Rating: Mature Teens
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Written For: cnidarian
Prompt:
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Janet Fraiser
Three Things You Want To See: episodic fallout, season 4 onward
Three Things You Do NOT Want To See: No Heroes
Author's Notes: Imagine my shock when I drew prompts from one of my all time favorite authors - who also happens to be my beta reader and writing mentor! Massive kudos to Lin for her diligent work as my proxy beta. Izz, I hope this tag ending for “Evolution” meets your expectations… you’ve set the bar high.
Colonel O’Neill was fighting back panic the only way he knew how. By checking on the teammate who made it home safely… using the term loosely. Jack couldn’t do anything for Teal’c and Major Carter except hope that their mission would be a success. Pray that they would return in one piece. Well… two pieces… if you want to get technical, he mused as he wandered toward Daniel’s office, where he heard that the archaeologist was hiding amidst the comfort of the clutter he lovingly referred to as “priceless artifacts”.
Imprisonment, torture, and battle wounds were some heavy-duty issues to deal with and the colonel was fairly certain that his esteemed friend and colleague was trying to shove them neatly under his emotional rug.
* * *
“Hey, pal. How’s it feel to be out of the infirmary and out from under Doc Fraiser’s constant scrutiny?”
“Okay, I guess,” Daniel answered with indifference as he continued to stare at his computer screen.
“That’s it? Okay you ’guess’?” Jack asked with one eyebrow raised and his head cocked.
“Isn’t that enough for you?” the doctor snapped in retort.
“Okay, okay, Daniel. I get your not too subtle message. You want to be left alone.”
Finally looking up at his team leader, the obviously troubled archaeologist replied somewhat sheepishly, “No, I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean it that way…. There’s just a lot to ….”
His apology was cut short by the sounding of “unauthorized off-world activation” from the speakers overhead as the klaxons sounded and lights flashed in the hallway.
“Um… would you mind… ” the colonel said, pointing toward the door with his thumb while he took one step in that direction.
“Just go, Jack. I’ll catch up with you.”
“Thanks,” the colonel yelled over his shoulder from halfway down the corridor as he was jogging toward the gate room.
* * *
Dr. Fraiser looked down from the high, safe vantage point of the control room overlooking the gate. The smile on her face was an obvious sign of the tremendous relief she felt over the return of the two missing members of SG-1. As they made their way down the ramp, her clinical eyes were already making their first assessments. Teal’c looks fine, she thought with satisfaction, but if Sam has her arm in a sling then…. Knowing immediately that there was more wrong with the major than she could determine from above, the doctor made her way down the stairs toward the jubilant group in the gate room. Though there was no call for a medical team, she instinctively knew that more than a cursory post-mission exam would be required. She rounded the corner into the hallway just in time to hear Sam accept the colonel’s offer of lunch.
“I think not, Major Carter,” the doctor said sternly with hands on hips. Knowing that Sam was as bad or worse than Colonel O’Neill when it came to hiding or making light of injuries, she continued tersely, “The infirmary. Now! Both of you.”
Sam merely made a face at Jack that seemed to express disappointment.
Shrugging his shoulders, Colonel O’Neill said simply, “Hey…. She outranks me when it comes to medical issues. There’s not much I can do except make sure your lunch tray includes blue Jell-O.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” Sam muttered as she trudged past the short, but dominating physician on her way to her post-mission exam.
* * *
“Teal’c, old buddy,” Jack said turning to the massive man looking on impassively. “Surely you’re hungry. C’mon… I’ve heard there’s chocolate cake.”
“I am sorry, O’Neill, but I have learned long ago never to go against Doctor Fraiser’s orders.”
“Well… okay,” the leader acquiesced as he received a nod of respect from the Jaffa, who then turned to follow the procession toward the infirmary.
“I guess it’s just you and me, Daniel.”
“Uh… I’m not very hungry.”
“And I don’t recall asking you about your appetite… Daniel,” he replied firmly, not giving the younger man an out.
“Like I said… Jack, I’m not….”
“Tut!” the colonel said insistently with a wave of his index finger, stopping his friend in mid-sentence. “I can make it an order if you want, but I shouldn’t have to treat you like a three-year-old and demand that you eat. Now, after you?”
“All right, but I don’t have to like it,” Daniel replied petulantly as he passed the colonel to make his way to the elevator.
* * *
As Doctor Fraiser completed the daily ritual of examining, and then cleansing and re-bandaging the wound on Dr. Jackson’s leg, she tried to make small talk to pass the time more pleasantly.
“So, Daniel, how’s the work going on the artifacts brought back by SG-4. Anything interesting?”
“Just the usual,” he intoned unenthusiastically.
“No secret compartments holding apocalyptic bugs or vaporous entities?” Janet asked in jest, as she worked on his wound.
“I wish…”
The physician stopped what she was doing to study her patient’s face, having found his answer a bit out of character and somewhat disconcerting.
“Daniel, would you like to talk about what happened to you and Dr. Lee?”
“What made you ask that?” he inquired, seeming a bit too defensive.
Going back to bandaging his leg in order to continue the conversation without putting him further on the defensive, she continued, “I don’t know. If I had been through what you two experienced, I suppose I’d want to talk to someone about it. That’s all.”
“Janet, I’m fine. Can we please change the subject?”
“Sure, Daniel. I apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be overly sensitive. I just don’t feel much like talking about it.”
Finishing her bandaging job, Janet changed the subject by asking, “So, still coming for dinner? Cass is really looking forward to seeing you. I don’t think she quite believes me when I tell her that you’re going to be fine. I think she wants to see for herself.”
“Yeah… sure. I’m looking forward to seeing her, too.”
“Good, then I’ll stop by your office at the end of my shift. You don’t need to be driving with that leg, so just plan to ride to the house with me. Okay?”
“Sure, thanks,” Daniel said, picking up his pants from the end of the bed.
“I’ll let you get dressed and back to work,” the doctor said, closing her chart and slipping out of the curtained-off cubicle.
* * *
As promised, Janet picked up Daniel and they drove to her house in companionable silence. Daniel wasn’t very talkative and Janet was too tired to do much more than focus on her driving. It had been a very long week and she was looking forward to two days of down time - on a weekend no less. It would be good to spend the time enjoying the solitude of her home, including a few hours with Cassie before she left for a sleepover, and perhaps the remainder of her time with a certain archaeologist. She planned to invite him to spend the weekend, not only negating his need to return to the SGC for dressing changes, but also so he wouldn’t have to spend his time alone. Maybe he would open up to her in the more intimate setting of their shared bed.
* * *
Cassie was elated to see Daniel and threw herself at him, only stopping inches from him when he put his hands up in defense, while delicately balancing himself on one leg and the crutches tightly clamped under his arms.
“Uncle Daniel!” Cassie exclaimed as she gently hugged him. “Mom said you were okay, but I didn’t believe her. Does it hurt much?”
“No… your mom is a great doctor and I’m feeling much better.”
“Good! Come right over here. I’ve got the recliner all set… even brought some extra pillows for you to prop your leg on.”
“Cass, there’s really no need to fuss. I’m fine.”
“I know that, but let me take care of you, okay? Over here, Uncle Daniel.”
* * *
Janet smiled as she watched her bouncy, happy, teenage daughter fluff pillows and dote on Daniel, much to his chagrin. It wasn’t until Cassie’s nasal whining and flailing mockery followed by an exaggerated, “Oh puleeez, is that the best you can do?” that he cracked a grin and finally joined her in laughter. It was the first time Janet had seen him smile, much less laugh, since he had returned from his harrowing experience in the Nicaraguan jungle. As she watched her daughter work miracles with her formerly morose patient, she thought, I hope my invitation of a weekend in bed… with me… earns the next big smile.
* * *
Following dinner, Cassie retreated to her bedroom to finish packing for the weekend. With the teen gone from their presence, Janet rejected Daniel’s offer of help with the dishes, but said that she had a counter proposal to proffer. He had reluctantly accepted the invitation of a quiet weekend in her company after she had bribed him with the promise of unlimited backrubs and in-home medical care provided by his very own scantily clad, personal physician. Even if he seemed less than enthusiastic, his agreeing to stay had at least put a smile on her face while she returned to her work cleaning up the kitchen, leaving Daniel to nap peacefully in the recliner with his leg propped up and pain meds onboard.
When Cassie had finished loading her car, she crept past the sleeping man and into the kitchen to let her mother know she was leaving.
“I’m all set to go, Mom. See you on Sunday. By the way, will Daniel still be here or should I say goodbye to him now?” she asked with a knowing wink, embarrassing her mother on purpose.
“Out, young lady!” Janet said, pointing toward the door, “but give me a kiss first.”
“Sure, Mom.” After complying, Cassie added, “I’m just gonna give Daniel a peck on the cheek. I promise not to wake him.”
“See you on Sunday night, honey.”
* * *
Janet had turned back to the sink to dry the last of the dishes when she heard Daniel say frantically, “Oh God, Cass! I’m so sorry!” followed by her daughter’s gasping coughs. Her heart pounding, she covered the distance to the living room in what felt like three huge steps. Her daughter was doubled over, tears streaming down her face, hands covering her throat, with wracking coughs coming between sobs.
“Janet… I’m so sorry… I don’t know… I didn’t mean to….”
Ignoring what Daniel was trying to say, Janet focused her attention on her daughter, rubbing her back comfortingly while saying, “Cass, Honey, take a breath! Come on, Sweetie; try to control your breathing. It’ll help you stop coughing.” Continuing to gently rub her back in circles, she soothed, “You’re okay, Honey.”
Meanwhile, Daniel had struggled to his feet and was balancing on one leg, looking on with what appeared to be concern. “Honest, Janet, I didn’t mean to….”
“Hush, Daniel! I’m trying to find out what’s wrong with Cassie.”
“I am… what’s wrong,” Daniel said under his breath, sounding dejected, before limping his way over to the couch, seeming to want to retreat from the fray to wait for the storm to pass.
Once Cassie had caught her breath and stopped her violent coughing, she ran from the room, still sobbing and clutching her throat.
“I’ll be back, Daniel,” Janet said before chasing after her daughter.
“I’m sure you will,” he said in a hushed voice, muttering to himself, though Janet heard it as she made her hasty exit.
* * *
The thirty minutes Daniel spent waiting for Janet to emerge from her daughter’s bedroom amounted to one of the longest half-hours of his life. He didn’t know whether to expect to be thrown from the house bodily, told to go to hell, or a combination of the two. In retrospect, he wished that he had never agreed to dinner - that he had just remained on base where he belonged. Coming home with Janet had been a very bad idea. Before he could wallow in any more self-pity, he heard Janet telling her daughter that she’d be back in a few minutes to check on her.
As she entered the living room, Daniel was trying to pull himself to his feet.
“Sit down, Daniel,” Janet said, sounding exhausted.
“God, Janet, I never meant to hurt her. She’s like a daughter to me… I… I don’t know….”
“Daniel, you’ve been through a lot and it isn’t unexpected that you would have some issues to work through. I know you didn’t mean to hurt Cassie, but you did. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.”
“Janet… I….”
“Please listen to me. I am going to have a driver come from the base to pick you up. I’m not going to confine you to the infirmary, but I am going to request that you remain in your quarters tonight. We’ll deal with this in the morning. Right now, my daughter needs me.”
In almost a whisper, Daniel replied, “God, Janet, I really never meant to hurt Cass. I love her.”
“I know, Daniel, but I think you need some help in managing this. You’ll be safe in your quarters for the night and if you need someone, just call the infirmary. The colonel is going to remain on base, as well, in case you want someone to talk to.”
“Jack? You already called him? Why?” he asked, somewhat shocked and incredulous.
“No, Cassie called him. She’s still talking to him.”
“Great, just great! Now I’m gonna get the third degree from Jack.”
“Daniel, he’s your commanding officer. He has a right to know. Besides, Cassie is the one who called him because she’s traumatized and afraid. It’s only natural that she would turn to the colonel under these circumstances. However, I’ve asked for someone from the motor pool to come get you to save you further embarrassment. I just said you needed a ride back to the base.”
Almost as soon as she finished the sentence, the doorbell rang.
Janet answered the door and Daniel could hear her say, “If you’ll wait here for just a minute, I’ll get Dr. Jackson.”
Daniel was already standing when Janet returned to the living room.
“Janet, can you forgive me? Do you think Cass will ever forgive me?” he asked quietly, so the man standing at the door in the next room couldn’t hear their conversation.
“Yes, Daniel, I have nothing to forgive you for and Cassie adores you. She just needs a little time to deal with this. It’ll all be fine. Right now, I need to devote my attention to her, so I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Please don’t come in and ruin your weekend off just because of me,” Daniel said looking at the floor in shame.
Placing a hand gently under his chin, seeming to want to attract his gaze, Janet responded, “Look at me, Daniel.”
He slowly raised his head and glanced into her eyes, having a hard time facing her.
She slid her hand upward, tenderly cupping his cheek before softly saying, “I love you. I want to check on you and I don’t care about the weekend. Do you understand that?”
Daniel nodded hesitantly, replying, “I just don’t want to mess up your plans or take you away from Cass… especially after what I’ve done.”
“It’s okay. I had planned on spending the weekend with you anyway, so if Cass is all right in the morning, I’ll see how you’re doing tomorrow. Now, the driver is waiting for you and I really need to get back to my daughter, so I think you had better go. Again, Daniel, I’m not mad at you. I just think that you’ll be more comfortable and safe staying on base tonight.”
“Okay, I understand,” Daniel said contritely. “You know I love you both.”
“Yes, I believe that you do and nothing has changed that,” she said giving him a quick kiss and then turning toward the doorway, apparently expecting him to follow her to the airman waiting to escort him back to the base.
“Lt. Michaels, I would appreciate it if you would see Dr. Jackson safely to his quarters.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the driver said with obvious respect. “I’ll be sure Dr. Jackson is taken care of.”
“Thank you, lieutenant” Janet said before turning her attention to Daniel, “and I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Dr. Jackson”
Daniel only nodded and made his exit as the airman held the door open for him.
* * *
Sitting on the edge of his bunk, holding his head hung low in despair, Daniel heard an unwelcome knock on his door. At first, he chose to ignore it, but the rapping became more insistent.
“Open up, Daniel, I know you’re in there.”
“Go away, Jack.”
“That’s not gonna happen, so open the door.”
“You know it’s not locked,” Daniel said wearily.
Jack entered the room and closed the door with a quiet metallic click, but kept his distance.
“What do you want, Jack? If you’re here to yell at me, then go ahead and get it over with. There’s no way you could make me feel any worse about what I did.”
“Mind if I sit down?”
“Do I have a choice?” Daniel asked rhetorically, not really expecting an answer.
Jack seemed to ignore him as he pulled a chair from across the room to within a few feet, and then sat down, assuming his typical casual, comfortable position, stretching his long legs out before him and interweaving his fingers on his stomach.
“You wanna tell me your version of what happened?”
“I’m sure it won’t be any different than what Cass has already told you,” Daniel said with an utterly defeated tone. “I suppose she’ll never trust me again.”
“I dunno. Cass is a pretty smart kid and a good judge of character. I think she understands that you didn’t mean to hurt her.”
Looking up for the first time, revealing red, swollen eyes, Daniel replied, “God, Jack, I would never hurt Cassie on purpose.”
“I believe you, Daniel. So, why don’t you tell me what happened?”
The younger man let out a short, sardonic laugh with a shake of his head. “You know what happened. One minute I was asleep and the next minute I almost choked Cassie to death.”
“Yeah, I got that much from talking to her,” Jack said calmly. “However, I’m asking you again, what happened? Were you dreaming? Having a flashback? What?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Daniel replied, head hung low again as he stared at his fingers as if he no longer had control over them. “I guess I just reacted instinctively. I was asleep… she startled me. I’m not sure what else to say. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but the fact remains that you did. She was hysterical when she called me.”
“Thanks, Jack. Your encouragement means a lot.”
“You know what I mean, Daniel. I think you need some help dealing with what happened to you. It’s obviously had an effect on you.”
The archaeologist didn’t respond as he continued to stare at his hands before wiping them on his pants as if he could rub the guilt away.
“Look… it’s late… you’re exhausted physically and mentally, so I’m gonna give you some space and let you try to get some sleep. I’ll be on base tonight if you decide you want to talk. I’ve also posted someone outside your door with instructions to check on you if they hear anything unusual. They’re also to notify me.”
“Why, Jack? Don’t you trust me?” Daniel snapped, looking intently into his friend’s eyes.
“Of course I trust you. However, I know how it feels to endure torture… to mistreat loved ones because of it. I’ve had the flashbacks… the nightmares… woken up crying without knowing why,” Jack said quietly, as if he weren’t accustomed to being so transparent. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you. If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ll even stay right here in this chair while you try to sleep.”
Daniel made an uncomfortable, half-smiling grimace before responding to his friend’s offer. “You know, I’m really tired. Probably, what I need to do is to take another one of Janet’s sleeping pills and go to bed.”
“About those pills… where’s the bottle?”
“Why? Do you think I’m so stupid as to try and kill myself? God, Jack, you really don’t trust me, do you?”
“Daniel, I never said that. But I’ve been where you are. I’m sure you remember our first mission to Abydos. I wasn’t exactly planning on returning home with the rest of the team. In fact, you were the one who convinced me that life was worth the struggle. I’m just trying to return the favor.”
Wordlessly, Daniel reached into his pocket and pulled out two bottles, looking at them for a moment before handing them to Jack.
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll get a glass of water and you can take a pain pill and a sleeping pill. I’ll leave another pain pill on the dresser in case you need it later. If you decide you want company or someone to listen, pick up the phone and I’ll be here in a flash. Otherwise, I’ll pick you up at 0700 for breakfast.”
“Okay, Jack,” Daniel replied, simply too tired to argue.
While Daniel got undressed and worked his way into bed, Jack got a glass of water, and then handed it to him, along with the two pills. Taking the glass and placing the medication on his tongue, Daniel took a swig of the water and rolled his head back to help the pills go down.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now try to get some sleep. If you need me, I’m only a call away,” Jack said, as he headed for the door. “And Daniel, I don’t want you fighting the medicine so you can stay awake all night and beat yourself up over what happened. I’m sure that neither Janet nor Cassie holds anything against you. We’ll all get through this together, but for tonight, you need to rest.”
“Okay… I’ll try,” Daniel said feebly, closing his eyes more to hide from dealing with the situation any further than from the desire to sleep.
“Goodnight. Call if you need me. I’ll leave word with the SF outside your door to let me know if anything happens. Sometimes its good to have someone to help you through the nightmares.”
* * *
Jack didn’t wait for a response, choosing merely to turn off the lights and make a quiet exit, confident that the medications would soon put his friend to sleep. The big question was how long he would rest comfortably before the nightmares began anew.
* * *
The colonel had only been asleep a couple of hours when his phone rang. The SF outside Daniel’s room reported having heard moaning and what sounded like begging for mercy through the door.
Sleepily, the colonel replied, “Thanks. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Without bothering to put on shoes, the colonel donned his pants and a tee shirt and hastily made his way to Daniel’s room. Sneaking in without turning on the lights, so as not to unduly startle him, Jack sat down gently on the edge of his friend’s bed. He could tell in the dim light emanating through the cracked bathroom door that Daniel was soaked in sweat and fretful. Carefully, Jack placed a hand on his friends shoulder and quietly urged him to wake up. He was prepared for and caught the fist that came flying in his direction, but was somewhat alarmed by the wide-eyed look of utter terror that crossed Daniel’s face.
“Hey, buddy, wake up. It’s me,” Jack said, relaxing his grip on the younger man’s clenched fist.
“Jack… what… how come…?”
Releasing his hold on his Daniel’s wrist, Jack leaned over to the bedside table to grasp the glass of water before handing it to his friend, who was now perched up onto one elbow, still looking dazed. While he took a swig of the water, Jack walked to the bathroom to wet a washcloth. Returning to his teammate’s bedside, he urged him to lie back down so he could place the cool rag over his forehead and eyes.
“What was the dream about?” Jack asked calmly.
Without making any attempt to remove the cloth from his face, Daniel let out a long sigh before answering timidly, “Zombies. I was being chased by zombies. How’s that for dumb?”
“Oh, I dunno. I seem to remember having to kill one of those on our last mission.”
Daniel let out a short, nervous laugh. “Yeah… Do you think we should include that in the mission report?”
“Hey, this sort of crap happens to us all the time. By now, General Hammond probably doesn’t even blink at our reports. Hell, he’d probably be disappointed and bored to death if the reports didn’t include being chased by the undead or antennaed space monsters.”
Reaching up to remove the rag from his face, apparently so that he could make eye contact, Daniel responded, “Yeah… I suppose you’re right. We seem to have a knack for getting into conflicts with the odd and weird.”
“See? It’s what we do!”
His friend smiled feebly, perhaps at the realization that SG-1’s missions were hardly mundane.
“So, how are you feeling now?”
“Okay, I guess. Not as stressed, but I really hate that you had to get out of bed just because I’m having idiotic, childish nightmares.”
“Daniel, they’re not stupid. It’s called post traumatic stress syndrome and you don’t get through it in just a couple of days of down time. Besides, you know me, I can sleep standing up against a tree. If you want, I’ll stay right here and keep watch. Maybe that’ll let you get the first good night’s sleep you’ve had since you’ve been back. The doc said she had to knock you unconscious in order to keep you in the bed while you were in the infirmary.”
“Yeah. From what I hear, I was put in isolation to keep from disturbing the rest of Janet’s inmates.”
“Not to worry. The doc understands. If it’s any consolation, I hear that Bill Lee isn’t doing any better. It happens to the best of us.”
Daniel’s expression changed markedly at the mention of Dr. Lee, his face taking on what looked like a dark, introspective character. Jack quickly changed the subject, realizing that his friend probably felt responsible for what his colleague had been through.
“I think we’ve had enough chatter, so why don’t you close your eyes and try to get some sleep. I’m gonna sit right here for a bit. At least these chairs are a lot more comfortable than the ones in the infirmary. If you’re resting okay, I’ll sneak back to my quarters in a while.”
“Jack, you really don’t have to baby sit….”
Raising an index finger in warning, Jack cut his friend’s statement off in mid-sentence. “I’m not ‘baby sitting’, I’m just keeping you company until you get back to sleep. That’s what friends do for one another.”
“I’m not going to argue that point,” Daniel replied.
Jack figured he was remembering all the times they had sat at bedsides in the infirmary over the years, keeping watch over one another.
“Good. Now, go to sleep. That’s an order.”
“Yes, sir,” Daniel answered, stifling a yawn.
Jack settled back into his chair, fully intending to spend the night keeping vigil.
Around 0300, Daniel moaned as if he were in pain, so Jack woke him just long enough to get him to take another pill. That seemed to settle him down and he was soon fast asleep again.
Meanwhile, Jack pulled another chair over and used it to prop up his legs. Within a few minutes, he was sound asleep, as well.
* * *
When Daniel awoke at around 0600, he was surprised to see his CO still in the room. He carefully removed his covers and hoisted himself up onto one leg, bending over to retrieve his crutches from the floor. He had not even taken the first step before the colonel said, “Need any help?” without opening his eyes.
“Uh… no, Jack. I’ve been going potty by myself for some time now.”
“Good, then I’ll just nap a little longer.”
When Daniel emerged from the bathroom, he found his friend half-asleep in his chair. Daniel had just sat back down on his bunk when Jack began outlining the schedule for the first portion of their day.
“Here’s what’s expected of you this morning. We’re going to breakfast at 0700, which means we both need to get cleaned up before then. I’m assuming that since your leg is heavily bandaged, you’re not going to be slipping in the shower stall, so I’ll run and grab a shower and shave myself, while you do your thing. I’ll be back here by 0650. After breakfast, you’re to report to Doc Fraiser so she can have a look at the leg, while I get to do a little pow-wow with Hammond. Beyond that, it’s up for grabs.”
“Gee, Jack, I didn’t know that you had taken responsibility for my social schedule.”
“No problem, Danny Boy. Just another one of my many talents. And now, if you will permit me, I shall take my leave. Be ready on time!”
“Yes, sir!” Daniel said emphatically while giving a mock salute.
* * *
Jack dove into his breakfast like a starving man, while Daniel just moved his food about on the plate. Taking notice of his friend’s obvious lack of appetite and contemplative mood, he asked, “Okay, what’s up? Pancakes are meant to be eaten, not stirred.”
“Oh… um… I guess I’m not very hungry.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Jack said with sarcasm. “Now, I’m going to ask you again. What’s up?”
“If you must know, I’m still thinking about what happened last night.”
“And?”
“Well… um… I really regret scaring Cassie so much.”
“Scaring her… is that what you think you did?” Jack asked a bit incredulously.
“I didn’t hurt her… I would never hurt her!” Daniel shot back, sounding defensive.
“Then you’ve forgotten the hysterical call she made to me last night?”
“No, Jack, I haven’t.”
“Just in case you have, she told me you choked her so hard that she couldn’t breath. She actually thought that you were going to kill her.”
“God, Jack, I would never hurt Cass!”
“Ah… but you did hurt her, Daniel.”
“No, Jack, I didn’t. I just scared her. That’s all.”
“No, Daniel. She loves you and you’ve traumatized her. In my book, that counts as hurting her.”
“I’m sorry. Okay?”
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to. Besides, that’s not enough. An apology won’t fix this because Cassie needs to know that she can trust you again. You’ve got a hell of a lot of damage control to do with her. She’s been through enough without losing you, too.”
“That’s not fair! She isn’t losing me!” Daniel retorted with what appeared to be a tinge of anger in his voice.
Jack shot back, “Oh really? You think that grabbing her in a chokehold around the throat gives her the warm, fuzzy, fatherly, love that she needs from you?”
Daniel evidently realized that their conversation was getting louder and would soon be drawing more attention than their usual arguments because he answered more quietly, “No, Jack, but honestly, I didn’t mean to hurt her. You have to believe me.”
“I do believe you, Daniel, but you need help. Serious help.”
“I just need time to work through it, that’s all,” Daniel replied meekly.
“I disagree. I know post-traumatic stress when I see it. And while we’re on the subject, how come your mission report has more holes in it than a Wisconsin Swiss cheese?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jack.”
“Daniel… I think you do,” Jack answered firmly.
“No, Jack, I don’t!”
“Damn strange that Dr. Lee gave a detailed account of torture. Why were you so special that they tortured him, but not you?” Jack spat back, knowing that he was slowly gaining the upper hand on Daniel.
“What they did to us is not germane to the mission report. Furthermore, I don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel replied emphatically.
“Oh, but you’re wrong. You will talk about it because the nightmares and flashbacks won’t go away until you do.”
“Why do you have to keep pushing? I’ll apologize to Janet and Cass. I’ll fix it.”
Jack, taking a softer approach, answered, “Daniel, I’ve been there. I don’t want to see you go through this alone. After Iraq and losing my son, I lost the most important relationship in my life because I clammed up.”
“I know,” Daniel said quietly, appearing to have been deeply impacted by Jack’s very personal revelation.
“Listen, I may be dumb, but I’m certainly not blind. You and the doc both deserve another chance at, shall we say… wedded bliss… and I think you’d make a heck of a father to Cassie. So, don’t blow it by expecting this to go away on its own.”
Daniel appeared to be staring at Jack with a classic “hand caught in the cookie jar” look, which the colonel would have found immensely amusing at any other time; however, the seriousness of the situation prompted him to forge on with an ultimatum.
“Now, you have three choices - mix and match as you choose. You can talk through it with me, you can schedule appointments with Dr. McKenzie, which wouldn’t be my personal first choice given your track record with him, or you can work through this with Doc Fraiser. I may be here for you as your friend, but let me make something perfectly clear. You’re not going to return to active duty on my team until the Dr. Fraiser tells me you’re ready - physically, as well as emotionally.”
There was a long silence before Daniel spoke again, as he seemed to be mesmerized by the swirls he was stirring into the maple syrup on his plate. Finally, with the uncomfortable, nervous, half-smile that Jack had seen many times when his friend was about to make an important admission, he responded, “You’re right… I… um… I don’t want to lose Janet and Cassie. And I really am sorry.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing. Jeez, Daniel, you do guilt better than anybody I’ve ever met!”
“Sorr….”
“Hey! What did I say?”
Daniel just sat there staring at Jack as if he couldn’t speak at all if he couldn’t continue to express his contrition.
“I believe you. Besides, I understand some of what you’re going through because I’ve been there. Just so we’re clear on this, I want you to know that my phone rings as well at night as it does during the day.”
“Thanks, Jack,” Daniel finally answered submissively. “I’ll get through this… I promise.”
Jack, deciding that both breakfast and their conversation had reached an end, stood, stacked their trays, and then placed a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder in passing as he said, “Now, you have an appointment with the doc and I’m off to see the wizard, otherwise known as General Hammond.”
He was pleased to see that his referring to the general as the Wizard of Oz had brought a feeble smile to Daniel’s face as he, too, got up from the table and headed for the door.
* * *
On the trip to the infirmary, Daniel moved even slower than normal on his crutches. He was dreading seeing Janet. With each step, more and more panic welled up in his throat until he was sure that he knew what Cassie must have experienced the night before because he felt as if his neck were in a vice by the time he reached the space outside Janet’s office.
Taking a big, deep breath, Daniel knocked on the door.
“Enter,” came from within.
Opening the door just enough to hop barely beyond the threshold into the room, Daniel stood awkwardly, not quite sure what to say. The excruciating silence seemed to linger endlessly, leaving him to balance on one foot and yet fidget nervously.
Janet finally looked up from the paperwork on her desk - her face a blank, non-reactive mask as she said, “You’re early for your appointment.”
“Um… I’m not really here about my leg. May I come in and sit down?”
“Of course,” she said, getting up to retrieve an extra chair, and then bringing it over to him, telling him he needed to keep his leg elevated. She helped him get settled, but seemed to be carefully remaining in full doctor mode.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied politely, rounding her desk again. Once she had sat back down, it appeared as if she were trying to protectively hide behind the mound of charts on her desk. “What can I do for you?” she inquired with apparent professional detachment.
“Well… um… first, I’ve come to apologize about last night.”
“Thank you, but I think it’s Cassie who really needs to hear you say that.”
“I know. I really scared her and I’m so sorry,” Daniel said timidly.
Letting out a sigh, Janet responded with a seemingly softer, more personal tone to her voice, “Daniel, you did more than scare her. You betrayed Cassie’s trust. She loves you like a father and you’re the last person in the world she would ever expect to hurt her physically.”
The words stung deeply with an echoing quality, prompting Daniel to blurt out of genuine concern, “Oh God, Janet! Did I hurt her?”
“Technically… other than the bruises on her neck, no. But she’s afraid of you now and there’s nothing that I can say at this point to change that. In fact, I don’t think that I should even try, given your present state of unpredictability.”
“Jack told me about her calling him,” Daniel said meekly, lacking the courage to look Janet in the eye.
“Daniel, Cass cried herself to sleep last night.”
Not knowing how to respond, Daniel just sat there staring at his hands.
“You can’t go on like this. You need help.”
“I know.”
“You’ve been through so much in the years that I’ve known you. Daniel, everyone has their breaking point and quite frankly, as your doctor, I’m amazed that you’ve lasted this long.”
There seemed to be a certain tone of finality to Janet’s voice that frightened him. In response he pleaded, “I can get through this. I know I can. Please don’t give up on me, Janet”
“I’m not so sure,” she replied flatly. “At the very least, I think… no… I know that you’re going to need professional counseling.”
Once again pleading - almost to the point of begging - Daniel said, “Please, Janet, can’t we work through this together? You’re my doctor. What if I promise to talk through it with you and Jack? Make it up to Cassie?”
Janet appeared to be pensive, inhaling deeply and letting the air out slowly before responding.
“I honestly don’t know if that will be enough. I’m not a professional counselor and….”
Cutting her off in mid-sentence, Daniel added, “And you’re my best and dearest friend.”
Again, Janet sat in prolonged silence, causing Daniel to feel an almost palpable level of awkwardness in their previously very comfortable relationship.
Janet sat forward in her chair, interlaced her fingers, and set her hands upon her desk before looking Daniel squarely in the eye.
“I’m humbled that you have put that kind of trust in me, Daniel. Honestly and somewhat selfishly, I’m deeply worried about you because I value your friendship so much. And, quite frankly, I’m not sure I can remain objective about this because of our relationship. I just don’t think that I’m the right person to try to help you through this.”
“Please, can’t we just try?” he begged, feeling panic rising up within him.
“You do understand that General Hammond has read Dr. Lee’s full report of what happened to the two of you and that Bill is seeing Dr. McKenzie, right?”
“I know. Jack told me.”
“Additionally, it would be my duty to tell the general that you are refusing to accept professional help.”
Once again bargaining, Daniel said nervously, “I don’t know what else to say other than I promise to talk to you and Jack. Then, if you think I need it, I’ll talk to McKenzie. Please say you’ll agree to that.”
“Daniel, I have apologized many times for what I put you through with Dr. McKenzie. I understand why you’re so hesitant to talk to him - especially about anything personal,” Janet replied softly. “I’m not being unkind or vengeful for what happened last night. I care too much about you to do that. What I am saying, however, is that I’m not specifically trained in counseling post traumatic stress as it pertains to torture victims.”
There. It was out in the open. The word that Daniel couldn’t even think about, let alone say aloud. Withdrawing from the conversation, he stared down at his hands. Nervously rubbing his pants leg smooth. Trying to remove every crease and wrinkle. Struggling to put some tiny sense of order back into his life.
Janet finally broke the pained silence. “I can do some research. I’m willing to try to help you through this, but you’ve got to talk to the colonel and I openly and on a regular schedule. Additionally, you must agree that we include General Hammond in the loop. Naturally, this is all subject to his approval, but I’ll plead your case for you.”
“Thanks, Janet. What you’re doing means a lot to me. And again, I really am sorry.”
“I know you are, Daniel.”
“You won’t regret this; I promise.”
“I certainly hope not,” the physician said, still seeming a tad hesitant.
“So, how can I start to make it up to Cass?”
Taking a deep breath, appearing to need a moment to think about her answer, Janet finally said, “Well, as you know, she’s a very loving, trusting young lady. She adores you, Daniel, which is in your favor. I would start by giving her a call after school and see how it goes from there. Cassie will let you know when she’s ready to see you again. I also think it’s best that you stay on base until we see how your counseling sessions go.”
“All right”, Daniel said a bit dejectedly. “I understand. I’ll fix this, you’ll see….”
“I believe that you will in time. Now, let’s have a look at your leg, and then I’ll go speak with General Hammond. I’ll stop by your office after I’ve talked to him. And again, Daniel, all of this is subject to his approval, so I’m not making any promises.”
Continued in Part 2