Fic: “Complications”, Dan/Jan, Mature Teen - Part 2 of 2
Title: Complications
Author: Cole J colej55
Rating: Mature Teens
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Written For: cnidarian
Prompt:
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Janet Fraiser
Three Things You Want To See: episodic fallout, season 4 onward
Three Things You Do NOT Want To See: No Heroes
Continued from Part 1
True to her word, Dr. Fraiser met with General Hammond.
“Do you really think this is a good idea? He’s been through a lot - more than most career soldiers ever experience,” the general said, seeming less than convinced by her argument.
“I know, sir. But, quite honestly, it was my fault that Dr. Jackson went through that whole fiasco with Dr. McKenzie and he is still traumatized by it. I doubt that forcing him to talk to the psychiatrist would yield much success. In fact, it might cause more harm than good.”
“Dr. Fraiser, I know that you only acted with Dr. Jackson’s best interests at heart. Hell, we all thought that he’d lost it. But, you can’t keep beating yourself up over that.”
“No, I suppose not. However, Dr. Jackson has begged not to be sent to Dr. McKenzie. He’s agreed to talk openly to the colonel about the torture and I’m willing to try to assist in any way I can. I give you my word that, if in my professional opinion, he needs more help than we can provide, then I’ll refer him for psychiatric care.”
Appearing to need some time to consider the proposal, the general remained quiet for a few moments before finally saying, “All right, Dr. Fraiser. I’ll trust your judgment on this, but only so long as you’re making progress. I’d hate to lose a good and valuable man like Dr. Jackson because we failed to provide necessary care.”
“Yes, sir. I agree completely and thank you, sir. I’ll keep you posted on his progress. He’s facing at least a six-week recovery period due to the leg wound. If he’s not emotionally and mentally fit for duty within the next couple of weeks, I’ll arrange for a psychiatric consultation and counseling while he continues to recover physically.”
“I’ll give you two weeks and I want a daily progress report that includes an update from the colonel.”
“Yes, sir, I’ll make sure that happens. Again, thank you, sir. I know that Dr. Jackson will be greatly relieved by our arrangement.”
With a warm, fatherly smile that seemed to imply his understanding that there was more at stake than just Daniel’s mental health, the general responded, “You’re welcome… and I hope that everything works out between you and Dr. Jackson. Dismissed.”
* * *
Janet stopped by Daniel’s office, but he wasn’t there so she figured she’d find him with the colonel. Knocking on his door, she heard, “Who’s there?”
Feeling rather vulnerable, knowing she was going to fall prey to one of the colonel’s silly games, she answered, “Dr. Fraiser.”
Sure enough, she heard Jack say, “Dr. Fraiser who?”
“Colonel, is the door unlocked and is Daniel with you?”
“Maybe…” the colonel answered, drawing the word out.
“Colonel O’Neill, do I have your permission to enter?”
Listening intently, trying to glean what she could of the conversation going on within the room, she heard, “What da ya think, Daniel? Should we let her in?”
“Jack! You’re such a child. Come in Janet,” Daniel called loudly.
Opening the door, scowling first at the colonel with exasperation, and then addressing Daniel, she said, “Thank you. At least one of you has some sense.”
Jack sat there smiling contentedly at her recrimination, appearing to enjoy the fact that he could so easily get to her.
“So, Doc, what brings you around these parts?” the colonel asked.
“Actually, I’ve just come from General Hammond’s office and I’m here to make a proposal.”
“Great! Which one of us gets to be the ring bearer?” Jack asked with enthusiasm.
Hands on hips, Janet inquired, “Colonel O’Neill, can you not be serious for even one minute?”
“Sure, I can’t, Doc,” Jack responded with a wink and a grin, making fun of her double negative. “What’s up?”
In spite of his impish behavior, she just rolled her eyes and continued, “I assume that Daniel has told you that he refuses to see Dr. McKenzie.”
With an exaggerated shudder, Jack answered, “And who could blame him?”
Ignoring his further antics, the doctor said, “Colonel, if you agree, General Hammond is going to give us two weeks to see if we can help Daniel through this.”
Appearing to become serious at last, the colonel replied, “Sure, I’m willing to do what I can, especially seeing as how Major Carter is down with her separated shoulder thingy and Teal’c is on Chulak. What else do I have to do?”
“Okay, Colonel, here is what I’m proposing. Daniel will meet with you in the morning and with me in the afternoon. These sessions will be considered to be appointments that you cannot miss, Daniel, and the colonel and I will report on your progress to the general. If after two weeks I do not see significant improvement, then it will be my duty, as your physician, to refer you for a psychiatric consultation. Is that clear?”
“Yes,” Daniel replied with obvious relief. “Thank you, Janet. You won’t regret this. I promise to keep my appointments.”
“And actually talk? Answer our questions? Put up with our probing?” Jack asked.
“Yes, Jack… only because I’ll do anything to keep from seeing McKenzie.”
“I know how traumatic your experience was during your hospitalization in the psych ward, which is the only reason I’ve agreed to this,” Janet said. “So, you’ll see the colonel at 0900 tomorrow and I’ll expect to see you in my office at 1500 for a dressing change on your leg and the first of our counseling sessions. I shall also expect to hear your side of the conversations with Cass.”
“I’ll call her this afternoon after school,” Daniel said, appearing enthused by the possibility of putting everything right with the people he loved and hurt the most.
“Daniel, she’s extremely upset. Don’t expect too much from her at first. However, she’s very forgiving,” Janet explained as the colonel looked on, gauging Daniel’s reaction.
“I know… but I’ll make it up to her.”
“I believe that because you both have such a tremendous capacity to love,” Janet said. “Now, I have work to do, so thank you, Colonel O’Neill, and Daniel, I shall expect you to be very forthcoming during your sessions.”
“Sure… and I’ll talk to you later after I’ve called Cass.”
“That would be good,” Janet replied as she turned to make her exit.
“You heard her, Danny, two weeks of progress or it’s to the shrink you’ll go.”
“I know, Jack. You’ll see… it’ll all be fine.”
“I certainly hope so… for all of your sakes.”
* * *
Daniel was sitting quietly in his office, trying hard to concentrate on a translation that he found particularly difficult, when he heard a knock at his door.
“Come in… it’s open,” he said without looking up from his computer screen.
“Dr. Jackson,” General Hammond started, “may I have a minute of your time?”
Startled by the general’s presence, Daniel rambled, “Sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to ignore you… I was distracted… I should get you a chair….”
“Don’t worry; I’m fine where I am,” Hammond said with what appeared to be a friendly, fond smile. “Son, I owe you an apology.”
“I don’t understand, sir,” Daniel replied in confusion.
“Please allow me to continue,” he said, placing his hands on the desktop for support. “I never should have sent you and Dr. Lee on that mission without backup. Sometimes, even with all of the people that work here, it seems like we come up short-handed. It is my fault that that you and Dr. Lee were captured and I just want to say that I’m sorry.”
Daniel was completely befuddled and surprised by the general’s apology. “Um… I’m not sure what to say. You don’t owe me an apology.”
“Well, son, either way, I hope you will accept it.”
“Of course I will and thank you, sir,” Daniel replied, still a bit mystified.
“Then, I should get back to my office,” he said, preparing to make his exit. “As you were, Dr. Jackson.”
Before Daniel could say anything else, his door closed with a gentle click.
* * *
At exactly 1500 the next afternoon, Daniel appeared at Janet’s door.
“Come in, Daniel, and have a seat. I’ll be with you in a minute,” the doctor replied, busily writing in one of her charts.
Daniel noticed that she had already set up an extra chair for his leg, so he got settled while she finished her work.
After several minutes, Janet closed the chart, and then pulled her chair around in front of her desk, evidently so she could face him without the barrier between them. Daniel assumed that she was thinking that the more intimate setting might put him at ease, although he wasn’t sure anything would help.
“So, how did your session with Jack go?
“I dunno… okay, I guess.”
“What did the two of you talk about?”
“Jack mostly told me about his time in Iraq and the affect it had on him. The nightmares and flashbacks. I suppose he was mostly trying to forge a common bond.”
“That’s actually good, Daniel, because he knows to a certain extent how you must feel.”
“Yeah… maybe so,” Daniel said with somewhat of a noncommittal tone.
“All right, I’d like to ask you some questions.”
“Okay… and I suppose you’ll expect answers.”
“Yes, Daniel, it’s very important that we get everything you’ve been through out into the open and learn how it’s affecting you.”
Daniel did not respond, choosing to stare at his fidgeting hands instead.
Seeming to ignore his discomfort, Janet asked, “How do you feel about what happened to you and Dr. Lee?”
“What do you mean, ‘How do I feel?’ Isn’t that a pretty stupid question?”
“No, I don’t think so. It’s important that you tell me how you feel about your experiences.”
Daniel felt very uncomfortable with the questioning process, but he eventually answered, “I dunno….”
“Let me make this a little easier for you by being more specific. How do you feel about what happened to Dr. Lee?”
“God, Janet, why don’t you go for the jugular?” Daniel said bitterly.
Janet blatantly refused to give in to his emotional reaction, appearing to choose instead to sit quietly waiting for him to respond.
After the prolonged period of awkward silence, he finally answered, “If you really need to know, I feel guilty as hell.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m a total screw up, that’s why!”
“Daniel, I think you’re being too harsh on yourself.”
“Oh, really? Well, let’s see. I couldn’t keep you and Sam from being beat up by Sarah… or I should say, Osiris, in Egypt, I certainly didn’t do Steven Raynor any favors, and I let Bill be tortured to the breaking point. I’d say that amounts to being a pretty big screw up, wouldn’t you?” he said with a sardonic, self deprecating grin.
“First, Daniel, Sam and I are both majors in the U.S. Air Force. Despite our degrees and fields of expertise, we are combat trained, field ready, military officers, while you are a civilian consultant.”
“So? I’ve been in the field for almost six years. You’d think I’d be able to handle things better.”
“I disagree, Daniel. We have full military training as soldiers, while you only have field experience. Why do you feel responsible for us when we should be the ones watching out for your safety?”
“Well… um….”
“Yes? Go on, please.”
“Janet, this is hard. I’m not sure I can keep doing this.”
“What ‘this’ are you referring to?”
“All of this.”
Evidently, Janet sensed his extreme discomfort, because she took a different approach.
“Since you brought it up, tell me about how you feel about what happened in Egypt.”
“First, I guess…” Daniel said with hesitancy, “I felt responsible for you and Sam. As a man, I should have been able to take care of the two of you, but I couldn’t. I failed you both.”
“Again, Daniel, Sam and I are career soldiers who are trained to take care of ourselves and others in combat situations. As for Steven, his own selfish motives caused his injuries and you are in no way responsible for him.”
“Then why does it feel like I am?”
“Why don’t you try to answer the question for yourself?”
“Well… um… he had no idea what he was messing with. He walked into a trap and I was helpless to warn him.”
“And why was that?”
“Because I work for a top secret military operation that won’t let the public know of the existence of the stargate and the reality of extraterrestrials,” he said somewhat bitterly.
“Daniel, do you really think the world is ready for that kind of information?”
“No…” he replied, with an introspective pause, “I suppose not.”
“So, there was nothing you could do to prevent what happened to Steven and the choices he made that caused his injuries were a direct result of his own lust for the glory of discovery. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yeah… I guess so. I just wish I could have prevented the whole incident.”
“What about Sarah?”
“Do we really have to talk about her?”
“Again, you brought up the subject of Egypt. How do you feel about what has happened to Sarah?”
“Angry with myself and guilty as hell like I said before, all right?
“Why, Daniel?”
“Because I knew the danger she was being exposed to, yet I couldn’t tell her anything about what was in the Canopic jar. She sensed that I was connected with a government project that confirmed my theories about the pyramids, but I couldn’t tell her the truth and now she’s out there,” he said with a wave of his hand, “somewhere being held captive as a host to one very pissed off Goa’uld.”
“Daniel, listen to me,” Janet said gently, placing a hand on his knee. “There are very good reasons why what we do is a secret. I know that you understand that. I’m so sorry that Sarah was taken as a host. I know that the two of you had a romantic relationship at one time and it must be terribly painful for you to see someone that you care about so deeply to be abused in this way.”
Acerbically, with a short, sarcastic chuckle, Daniel responded, “First Sha’re and now Sarah. Yeah, I’m doing a great job of being the macho, protective male.”
“All I can say, Daniel, is… first, I’m so sorry that you are suffering repeated losses of those you love. Nobody should have to go through all that you’ve experienced. And, second, there was nothing you could do for either Sha’re or Sarah.”
“Yeah… well… it doesn’t keep me from feeling guilty.”
“Perhaps not. I just hope that you’ll be able to find a way to forgive yourself in time.”
“Maybe…” Daniel said without much confidence.
“Now, Daniel, I have to ask you a very important question that requires an absolutely honest answer.”
The seriousness of her tone put him immediately on the defensive.
“Do you ever have thoughts of suicide?”
He was stunned by her inquiry.
“What would ever make you ask that?” he asked incredulously.
“Well, victims of torture often feel that their lives are so out of control that they have feelings of hopelessness which leads them to commit suicide. Additionally, you have a history of placing yourself at tremendous and perhaps unnecessary risk.”
Confused by her statement, Daniel replied, “When have I done that?”
“Wouldn’t you agree that it was more than reckless placing yourself on the Gad-Meer ship when Sam had orders to blow it up? That would lead me to believe that you don’t have a very high regard for your own life. It is reasonable to say that you had committed a suicidal act.”
“No! I honestly believed I could convince Lotan to stop the transformation of the Enkaran world before Sam detonated the bomb.”
“All right, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but you must promise me that if you ever have thoughts of suicide that you will tell me. There is medication that may help you if you become depressed.”
“Janet, I would never resort to suicide. You have to believe me on that.”
“Just say you’ll promise.”
“Okay, I promise.”
* * *
Janet looked at the clock on the wall in front of her desk and noticed that it was 1455. She was quickly scanning an article she had found in a medical journal that outlined some of the “fallout” that torture victims often experience. She was nearly done with her studying when a familiar form appeared in the doorway of her office.
“Daniel, you’re right on time. In fact, you’re a couple of minutes early. Make yourself comfortable and I’ll be with you in just a second. I want to read the last page of this article.”
“Okay,” Daniel said, entering her office. “Anything interesting?”
“As a matter of fact, it pertains to some of the problems you’ve been experiencing. I’m trying to gain some insight. Like I told you before we started this, I’m not a psychiatrist, so I’m studying… trying formulate a clinical picture. ”
“Gosh, when did I stop being an individual?” Daniel responded sullenly. “So, that’s what I am to you? A ‘clinical picture’?”
“No, of course not,” Janet answered, somewhat shocked at his lashing out. “You know how much you mean to me, Daniel. However, I am bound both as your doctor and to General Hammond to remain objective. If I lose that, I will need to refer you for psychiatric care, something that none of us want to see happen. I’m outside my field of expertise here, so I’ve turned to some of the traditional literature to educate myself - not unlike what you do as an archaeologist.”
“Oh joy!” he responded sarcastically. “I can hardly wait for you to try your new found psychiatric techniques on me.”
“No, Daniel, it’s nothing like that at all,” Janet said hastily, regretting having given him the impression that he was turning into her personal psychological “Guinea pig”. “It’s an article that explains the emotional after effects of what you’ve been through. I’m trying to get a better understanding of why you feel the way you do. That’s all.”
“Oh, that’s it,” was Daniel’s only comment, making Janet feel even worse.
“Look, I can finish reading this later.” As she pulled her chair over to him, she said, “How was your day? How did your session with the colonel go?”
“See? That’s what I mean,” he said with obvious hostility. “You already know the answer to that because I’m sure that you and Jack have already had a nice long talk about your mutual patient. Why even bother asking me?”
“Daniel,” Janet said calmly, “listen to yourself. We’re just trying to help you, not take away your independence or sense of self by talking behind your back. In fact, the article I was just reading mentions that people who have endured torture often experience a sense of loss of privacy. Not just because of the counseling that some people go through, but because of the dreams and flashbacks that continue to invade their minds long after the physical or emotional abuse stops. If you want my honest opin….”
“And I’m sure I’m about to get it,” he replied sarcastically, cutting her off.
Ignoring his retort, Janet continued, “I believe that you are taking your hostility out on me because it feels to you like the probing and torturing is still continuing since we are attempting to get you to give up secrets that you are trying hard to guard. However, if you don’t talk to us, we can’t help you. I’m not your enemy, Daniel. Besides, I want to know how you think your time with Jack went.”
Letting out a long sigh, he finally said wearily, “I’m sorry, Janet. I’m just so frustrated by all of this.”
“I’m sure you are,” she responded sympathetically. “Let’s start over. Daniel, is there anything you would like to tell me? Something that you would like to talk about?”
He thought for a few moments before answering. “Actually, there is. Why do you think that I’m having such a hard time with this when SG-1 has been captured and tortured numerous times before, yet we all seemed to take it in stride? What’s different about this time?”
“Well, I think you already know the answer to that, although you may not realize it.”
“All right, then, give me a hint,” Daniel said, “especially since you seem to have all the answers.”
“I’m not saying that I have everything figured out, but I know how I might feel if I were you. Let’s talk about the mission to Central America. What do you see as your primary responsibility during that mission?”
“I was supposed to find the Telchak device and bring it back for us to study,” he answered simply.
“That’s true. What other responsibilities did you have?”
“Well… um… I guess I felt like I was responsible for Bill Lee.”
“Why do you feel that way, Daniel?”
“Because I’m a member of SG-1 and I have a lot more field experience than he does. I suppose I saw myself in the role of his protector.”
“That’s not an unreasonable assumption, although Dr. Lee, like you and every SG team member who goes out on missions, understands that there are dangers inherent in every field of operation. Here’s another question for you.”
“Okay,” Daniel said, giving the impression that he was finally trying to participate in the session with an open mind.
“What is the current political situation in Honduras? What are their feelings toward outsiders?”
“Um… it’s a well known fact that portions of Honduras are very politically unstable and it is ill advised for Americans to go wandering off into the Central American jungles on their own, which is why we hired a guide. Piracy is a big problem around temple ruins, which is most likely why we were captured by the Honduran rebels, and then drug over the border into Nicaragua.”
“So, you knew going in that you could be putting yourselves in danger?”
“Yes, I did, but I’m not as sure that Bill did.”
“Didn’t General Hammond order you to give him a mission briefing beforehand? Weren’t you asked to discuss the culture and political situation in Central America?”
“Yeah… I went through all of that.”
“Yet, Dr. Lee still agreed to go on the mission?”
“Yes, he did.”
“Was he forced or coerced into going?”
“No, I’m sure that General Hammond would have found someone else to go if he were that spooked.”
“Then why do you still feel so responsible for Dr. Lee?”
Daniel seemed to be thinking hard about his answer before he finally said, “I really don’t know.”
“At any time during your interrogation, did your captors tell you that if you didn’t give them the information they sought, they would take it out on Dr. Lee?” Janet could see that she had struck a nerve by the look that crossed Daniel’s face, so she went on. “And did you give them the information they requested?”
“No.”
“Isn’t it possible that you feel, in retrospect, that you should have given in to them in order to spare Dr. Lee from the pain of torture and the guilt from having given up classified information?”
“I guess so…,” he answered tentatively, “but I never really looked at it that way.”
“Can you think of anything else that made this mission different than any of the others in which you were captured and tortured?” she asked, giving him time to mull it over.
“Well, Bill and I were out there alone. Usually, when SG-1 gets into those types of situations, Jack thinks of a way out - as whacky as his schemes sometimes are. Plus, he’s usually the one to take the brunt of it for us.”
“So, maybe you feel more vulnerable for having responsibility for the mission without the rest of the team there. Wouldn’t that account for some of your increased anxiety over this particular instance of abuse?”
“Yeah… that could be it. I’ve never seen myself as much of a leader. In fact, if you ask Jack, I’m not even much of a sheep because he’s always griping at me for taking off instead of following his orders,” Daniel said with a hint of a smile.
“Give some thought to all of that,” Janet suggested, pleased that he seemed a bit more grounded. “Now, let me ask you about the pain you experienced. Can you describe it to me?”
Daniel grew very fidgety and uncomfortable, rubbing his pants leg as if to dry sweating palms.
Sensing his discomfort, Janet continued, “Can you at least try?”
“Um… I don’t know. How can you describe pain to someone else? I can tell you how much it hurt… still hurts in my nightmares, but I don’t have any way for you to truly understand it.”
“That’s exactly right, Daniel, which is one of the lingering after effects of torture. It is an established fact that the pain isolates its victim because there is no way you can accurately share that experience with someone else. One of the things I find frustrating as a physician is that I can tell that my patients are in pain, but I have no way to gauge its severity unless they can describe it to me. Further, the continual reliving of the pain in your subconscious continues to wear away at your hold on reality until you regress to an experience like what you had with Cassie. You might have been dreaming of one of your painful encounters and when Cass touched you, you lashed out at her thinking she was your captor.”
“So… you think I’m further isolating myself by not talking about it and that if I at least tell you details of my nightmares and flashbacks, I’ll be allowing you to somehow share the experience with me instead of taking it out on someone accidentally as part of a delusion?”
“That’s exactly it, Daniel. One of the goals of inflicting pain is to take away the victim’s sense of security and belonging. It’s a physical way of bringing about emotional isolation. By telling Jack or me about what you went through, you’re re-integrating yourself into the group, so to speak, and removing their ability to keep you in isolation. Over time, if you talk through it enough and get everything out into the open, the nightmares and flashbacks should go away. ”
* * *
Faithful to the plan, Daniel continued to meet with both the colonel and Dr. Fraiser on a daily basis. As he was able to work through his feelings of pain and guilt, he began to feel better about himself once again. His concentration at work improved, as did his sleep patterns. He was looking and acting more like his former self, and feeling more rested.
Furthermore, he had mustered up the courage to talk to Dr. Lee, who bore no ill will at all toward him. They had several long conversations about their shared experiences and it seemed to have the effect of bringing them together in a tighter bond, rather than serving to isolate them as it had when they had first returned to the SGC.
Both Dr. Fraiser and Colonel O’Neill made favorable reports at the end of the first two weeks. General Hammond was well pleased with their results and commented that he could already see a difference in Dr. Jackson’s demeanor and outlook. His productivity had increased and he seemed much more self-assured. If truth be known, the general shared their dislike of Dr. McKenzie, so he was relieved that his services would not be required.
General Hammond met with Daniel and told him that he could return to his apartment if Dr. Fraiser gave the go ahead, which seemed to please him immensely. The old soldier reckoned that a man so used to working outdoors must be going crazy looking at nothing but cement walls.
* * *
Daniel appeared at Janet’s office door at 1500 sharp with a smile and look of optimism that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
“Hey, Janet. How’s it going?” he asked congenially.
“It’s been busy, but I’m fine and looking forward to a couple of days off. By the way, I hear that General Hammond has left it up to my discretion as to your fitness to return to living off the base.”
“Yeah… I was going to talk to you about that,” Daniel said with a bit of hesitancy.
“Well, why don’t we talk about it while I have a look at your leg. If it’s healed enough, I think we can move you down to a cane and back to some homier surroundings.”
“I like the sound of that!” he replied enthusiastically as he turned and headed for one of the examination cubicles.
As soon as he had undressed and had put on a hospital gown, Janet unwrapped his leg. The wound was nearly healed on the outside, so she removed the surgical staples and pronounced him fit to begin physical therapy at the first of the week. As she placed steri-strips across the scar to give it a few extra days of protection, she brought up the subject of their spending time together again away from work.
“Daniel, I have the next two days off and the infirmary is well covered. I know it’s Thursday and a school night, but I’m sure that Cass would welcome the chance to spend tonight and the weekend with one of her friends. We would have the house to ourselves if you’d like to come over.”
“She’s still afraid of me, isn’t she,” Daniel asked in a voice filled with remorse.
“Actually, I think things have been going well between the two of you during your telephone chats, but I’m not sure she’s quite ready to face you. I think it has more to do with it being awkward for both of you rather than her being afraid of you, but I’ll leave the decision about when the time is right up to her.”
“Even so….” he said, allowing his voice to trail off.
“Look, I’m offering you a chance to get outside to enjoy a nice weekend with a pretty woman. How can you refuse that?”
Giving in to her seductive smile, he replied, “I don’t guess I can, nor would I want to.”
“Good! Then I’ll drop by your office just as soon as I’m sure things are covered here. Oh, and you can trade your crutches in for a cane. Now, if you don’t mind, I have other patient’s to attend to.”
* * *
As soon as Daniel had left the infirmary, Janet retreated to her office to make a phone call.
“Hi, Cass. It’s Mom.”
On the other end of the line, Janet heard, “Oh, really? I never would have guessed.”
“All right young lady, I’ll have none of your sarcasm,” Janet said in mock indignation.
“What’s up, Mom,” Cassie asked.
“Well, Honey, I have something to discuss with you.”
“Yes?” the teen replied.
“Daniel has made very good progress during the past two weeks and the general and I think that he would benefit from time away from the base. I know you’re still hesitant about being around him and that’s fine. I’ll let you decide when you’re ready to see him.”
“And? Let me guess. You want to know if I’d like to spend the weekend with a friend, but I have to do my homework, and show up at school on time, right?”
“Now that you mention it, yes.”
Cassie laughed and added, “What ever makes you happy. Besides, I know how important your relationship with Daniel is. Honestly, I figure I’ll end up with him as my stepdad, which is fine with me, but Mom, I just need a little more time to work through some things, that’s all.”
“Where did my little girl go? When did you become so perspicacious?”
“Say what? Did you earn $50 for the use of that word?”
Janet laughed and replied, “You’ve become so perceptive and mature right under my nose.”
* * *
Daniel was busy packing his briefcase and shutting down his computer when Janet appeared at his office door.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“In a minute… I just need to gather these things to take with me. I’ve got some….”
“What you have is some time off. If you want, we can stop by your apartment to pick up some clothes, but the work stays here. I have other ways to keep you busy all weekend.”
Blushing at her inference, Daniel answered, “Um… well then… I guess I’m ready to go.”
* * *
Janet could tell that Daniel was a little disappointed that Cassie had decided to leave before they got there. However, it didn’t keep him from enjoying their preparing dinner together or ruin his mood for the remainder of the evening. In fact, it was he who made the advances and suggested that they retire to the bedroom.
Janet playfully protested, saying that she wasn’t sleepy yet, but he just grinned and said, “Good, because I’m not either.”
Taking her in his arms, he kissed her tenderly, and then led her by the hand toward the bedroom, turning the lights out as they went.
Janet had anticipated the possibility of rekindling their romantic relationship, so she had placed scented candles at various places around the room - scents that she knew he especially liked.
When she emerged from the bathroom from changing into a negligee, she was pleased to see that the candles were lit and Daniel was waiting for her in bed. He held back the covers for her and drew her tightly against him, enfolding her in his arms, and then kissing her with increasing passion.
* * *
Twenty minutes later, Daniel was sitting on the edge of the bed in near despair, while Janet was curled up against him, propped up on one elbow while rubbing his back soothingly with her other hand.
“Listen, Daniel. All men have this problem from time to time.”
“Yeah?” he said bitterly. “I’ve never had this problem with you. I wanted tonight to be special and now I’ve ruined it.”
Trying to think of what to say to help him cope, Janet responded, “You haven’t ruined anything. You’re here with me and that’s good enough.”
“No, it’s not!” he shot back at her. “I wanted to make love to you… show you how much you mean to me… prove to you that I’m okay.”
Curling around him even further so she could see his face, she gently rubbed the back of her hand along his cheek.
“It’s all right, Honey. I know you’re going to be just fine. We don’t have to have sex for you to prove your feelings to me.”
Without saying anything, Daniel got up and left the room.
Janet put on a light robe, blew out the candles, and went to search for him. When she found him, Daniel was sitting in the den in the dark.
“Mind if I join you?” she asked, waiting for his answer rather than just sitting down next to him on the sofa.
“Suit yourself,” he said dejectedly, still obviously upset over his inability to perform.
Janet sat down next to him and wordlessly, but tenderly rubbed her hand on his thigh. As his breathing became more regular and he sank further into the cushions, she could tell that some of his anxiety was dissipating.
“Want to talk about it?”
“What’s there to talk about? I’m even a failure at satisfying the woman I’m in love with.”
“Daniel, our relationship has never been based on sexual performance. In fact, you satisfy me just by being here with me.”
“Janet, it’s not that I don’t find you desirable because you know that I do,” he said apologetically.
“Would you mind if I risk alienating you further by telling you something I’ve learned as we’ve had our counseling sessions together?”
Daniel let out a huge sigh and threw his head back hard against the sofa’s rear cushion before answering, “Why not? The night is already ruined.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’,” Janet said while still stroking his leg soothingly. “I read in one of my journals that it is normal for someone with your recent experiences to fluctuate through periods of extreme arousal and inability to perform. It has nothing to do with the person you’re with or how you might feel about them. Daniel, what happened tonight isn’t personal. It’s just one of the complications of being victimized that we still need to work through. You’ve come such a long way, but you need to be patient with yourself and allow the emotional healing some more time.”
“If you say so,” he said sounding exhausted.
“Please come back to bed. I’ll be content to just be held in your arms. Please?”
Without waiting for his answer, she stood up, took his hand, and gently helped him up off the couch. In truth, she was relieved that he didn’t resist her. Instead, he accompanied her back to bed.
* * *
On Friday, they enjoyed spending the day on the deck under the warm sun. Janet could tell that Daniel was enjoying being outside and free from the confines of the SGC. She purposely kept the conversation light and made sure she steered away from anything that even remotely resembled their doctor/patient relationship. The day seemed to be a complete success and Daniel was more relaxed than she had seen him in weeks.
For dinner, Janet had bought steaks and all the foods that Daniel loved to go with it. She handed him all the proper utensils, along with the meat on a platter, and informed him that he was in charge of the grill. She carried the seasonings and everything he would need outside for him, but left him alone while she went inside to prepare the baked potatoes and salad. This was his first chance to have some autonomous success and she didn’t want to tarnish it by hovering over him.
The table was set, including lit candles, and soft music was playing in the background when Daniel came in from the deck carrying their meal.
“Yum… those look lovely,” Janet enthused.
“Good, because I’m hungry as a bear. There’s something about a day outdoors that revs up my appetite.”
“Then let’s eat,” Janet said, placing the salad on the table. “I’ll just grab the baked potatoes and we’re ready. Would you mind opening the wine?” she asked on her way back to the kitchen.
* * *
They had thoroughly enjoyed their day and had capped it off nicely with a home-cooked meal. Daniel helped her load the dishwasher before joining her out on the deck to enjoy looking at the stars. It was a clear, warm night and Janet hoped that a little stargazing would help settle her partner down for what she had planned next.
After an hour or so, Janet said, “I’m getting a little chilly. How about we go in and get ready for bed?”
“I dunno,” Daniel answered hesitantly. “I think I’m going to stay out here a little longer, but you can go ahead if you want to.”
Sensing his anxiety over the previous night’s difficulties, Janet replied, “That’s fine. I’m going to start on a novel I’ve been dying to read, so you come along when you’re ready.”
“Okay,” was all he said.
On purpose, Janet wore a comfortable nightgown, rather than a sexy negligee. She had a very different plan for their time in bed.
It was several hours before Daniel made his way to the bedroom. Without saying anything, he ducked into the bathroom and finally emerged wearing a pair of flannel sleep pants.
Janet put the book down on her chest while he got into bed beside her, but did not make any sort of amorous advances.
“What are you reading?” he asked, trying to see the book’s title on the spine of the jacket.
“Oh, just the latest murder mystery by my favorite author.”
“Any good?”
“I think so… at least the first ten chapters have been good.”
“Was I outside that long?” Daniel asked, apparently having lost track of time.
“I’m a fast reader, that’s all.”
“Oh, okay.”
Putting the book aside, Janet turned toward Daniel, fluffed up her pillow, and lay down comfortably. She then patted his pillow and said, “Why don’t you join me. Let’s lie here and talk for a while before we go to sleep.”
Daniel seemed to be a bit wary of her motives, but he did as she asked and situated himself comfortably on his side.
“How’s your leg?” Janet asked. “I can get another pillow if you would be more comfortable.”
“No, it’s fine, but thanks for asking.”
“Mind if I ask you a question?” Janet said, brushing her hand gently across his cheek as she stared into his beautiful, blue eyes.
“Uh… no,” he answered with a tinge of hesitancy in his voice.
“When did you first know you were in love with me?”
“Hmmm…” he said with a warm smile. “What makes you think that I’m in love with you?”
Smiling back, she answered, “A girl just knows these things.”
“They do? Well… let’s see. I think I knew I was falling for you when I saw how fiercely you fought for Cassie as Nirrti tried to change her. You’re an incredible mother, Janet,” Daniel said, tenderly wiping her hair away from her eyes so he could see them better.
“Wanna know when I knew I was in love with you?” she asked.
“Sure,” he replied, gazing adoringly into her eyes.
“It was when I sent you through the stargate to the planet with that mesmerizing light. Medically speaking, when I wheeled you into the gate room and Jack slung you over his shoulder, you were dead and I was terrified of having to face life without you.”
Her answer seemed to surprise him. “Wow, Janet, that was more than three years ago. Why’d you wait so long to let me know you had feelings for me?”
“Quite frankly, I didn’t want to encroach on your memories of Sha’re. I wasn’t sure you would ever be willing to fall in love again after losing someone so special.”
With a different sort of smile that Janet recognized as being reminiscent of his past, Daniel said, “Yeah… I wasn’t sure I’d be willing to risk that kind of emotional investment again either, but I’m glad that I have.”
“Me, too,” Janet said before leaning in to give him a brushing kiss. “Okay, your turn. Ask me a question.”
“My turn, eh? I’d better make it a good one,” he said playfully, making a face that implied that he was really thinking hard. “Okay, I’ve got one. What do you love most about me?”
“That’s easy. I love the way that you care so much for others. You’re always seeing things from their point of view. Even when you were dealing with Reese, who was a very sophisticated machine, you knew that she was programmed to have feelings and you were very protective of her. Plus, you always stand up for what you believe is right - even when you’re wrong. I adore you for that!”
“Really? I would have thought that you found that to be a weakness.”
“Nope. It’s one of your strongest and best characteristics - especially given that it usually drives the colonel nuts.”
They both chuckled over his agreeing with her when it came to Jack.
“Now, it’s your turn. What do you love most about me?” Janet asked sweetly, batting her eyes for dramatic effect.
After leaning in to kiss the tip of her nose, Daniel answered, “When I was dying with the radiation sickness, you fought so hard to make me comfortable, while keeping up a brave face. You gave me the courage and the ability to face death with dignity. Then, when Jacob was using the healing device, in the end, you listened to Jack and loved me enough to let me go.”
Janet was momentarily left speechless by his revelation because she had never thought of it that way. Daniel must have sensed the impact his admission had on her because he gave her a slow, tender kiss and murmured, “thank you” against her lips before kissing her once more.
“It’s my turn to ask you a question,” Daniel said softly. “What has frightened you the most about our relationship?”
Janet’s answer was not immediately forthcoming. Looking him in the eyes, she finally responded, “After you had returned from being ascended and you had lost your memory, I was afraid that you would never remember us… never remember the love that we had just begun to share.”
“Yeah… I remembered Sha’re and was terribly sad when Teal’c told me that she had died, but I also had a sense that there was someone else important in my life, although I didn’t immediately realize that it was you.”
It was Janet’s turn to kiss Daniel, thankful that his memory of their budding romance had eventually returned to him.
“So, Daniel, what have you found most frightening about our relationship?”
“Do you remember when I was taken over by Martice and his shipmates from the Stromos?”
Janet shivered at the memory, prompting Daniel to lightly rub her arm. “How could I forget?” she answered.
“Well, what has most scared me about our relationship was realizing that there was a strong possibility that if you and Sam couldn’t figure out a way for me to regain control of my body, I would have had to say goodbye to you once more. I didn’t think I could live through that kind of pain again… and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to try.”
“Oh, Daniel. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt,” she said sympathetically. “If it’s any consolation, I shared the same fear.”
They lay in silence for a long time, just enjoying being in each other’s company, until Daniel reached over to turn off the bedside lamp before drawing Janet tightly into his arms.
“You know that I love you, right?” he asked, then kissed her lightly as if to prove it.
“Uh huh,” Janet mumbled, kissing him back.
It was only a matter of a few minutes before they fell asleep, content to lay securely in each other’s arms.
* * *
Janet was awakened early the next morning by Daniel’s kissing her just below her ear and on down her neck.
“What time is it,” she said, enjoying the sensations he was awakening.
“Time for this,” he said as he rolled carefully on top of her to continue the foreplay that led to his making slow, tender love to her.
* * *
“As much as I’d like to stay in bed all day and return the favor, I’m hungry, so why don’t we make some breakfast, and then see what follows?” Janet said seductively.
Kissing her once more, Daniel said, “I like the way you think.”
They both got up simultaneously, Daniel donning his tee shirt and flannel pants, while Janet retrieved her gown from the floor where he had tossed it in the midst of his passion.
“I’ll get started on breakfast,” Daniel said with a wide yawn, wandering from the room, leaving Janet to get dressed.
By the time Janet had put on her gown, bathrobe, and a pair of slippers, Daniel had already started cooking the bacon and had set a carton of eggs on the countertop.
“Ummm… that smells heavenly,” Janet said, placing her arms around his waist to nuzzle him from behind.
Pulling her arms tightly around him, he answered, “You, Dr. Fraiser, are heavenly.”
“Glad you think so, Dr. Jackson. You’re not so bad yourself.”
While he finished cooking, Janet started coffee and set glasses of orange juice on the table.
They were both startled when they heard the front door open and close. Daniel had a look of utter panic on his face when Janet called out, “Cass, is that you?”
“Yeah, Mom. I’m home early.”
“I’ll say,” Daniel muttered, obviously anxious over his impending confrontation with Cassie.
Janet just wordlessly shrugged her shoulders.
Without warning, Cassie came barreling into the kitchen, throwing herself at Daniel, her arms encircling him completely in a massive bear hug.
“Uncle Daniel! I was hoping you would be here!”
Working his arms free so he could return the hug, Daniel responded, “Uh… Cass… it’s good to see you, too.”
As the teen continued to hold tightly to him, Daniel looked over her head at her mother, who was looking on with obvious approval.
“I’ve missed you so much!” Cassie mumbled into Daniel’s chest.
Kissing her on top of the head and tightening his hug, he replied, “Me, too, Cass… me, too.”
Janet looked on with a satisfied smile, coupled with high regard, as she watched the two people she adored most in the world allow their love for one another triumph over tragedy. There was still much work to be done to bring about the complete emotional healing that Daniel wanted and so desperately needed, but for the first time, Janet was confident that with their love and support, he was going to be just fine.
End
Author: Cole J colej55
Rating: Mature Teens
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Written For: cnidarian
Prompt:
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Janet Fraiser
Three Things You Want To See: episodic fallout, season 4 onward
Three Things You Do NOT Want To See: No Heroes
Continued from Part 1
True to her word, Dr. Fraiser met with General Hammond.
“Do you really think this is a good idea? He’s been through a lot - more than most career soldiers ever experience,” the general said, seeming less than convinced by her argument.
“I know, sir. But, quite honestly, it was my fault that Dr. Jackson went through that whole fiasco with Dr. McKenzie and he is still traumatized by it. I doubt that forcing him to talk to the psychiatrist would yield much success. In fact, it might cause more harm than good.”
“Dr. Fraiser, I know that you only acted with Dr. Jackson’s best interests at heart. Hell, we all thought that he’d lost it. But, you can’t keep beating yourself up over that.”
“No, I suppose not. However, Dr. Jackson has begged not to be sent to Dr. McKenzie. He’s agreed to talk openly to the colonel about the torture and I’m willing to try to assist in any way I can. I give you my word that, if in my professional opinion, he needs more help than we can provide, then I’ll refer him for psychiatric care.”
Appearing to need some time to consider the proposal, the general remained quiet for a few moments before finally saying, “All right, Dr. Fraiser. I’ll trust your judgment on this, but only so long as you’re making progress. I’d hate to lose a good and valuable man like Dr. Jackson because we failed to provide necessary care.”
“Yes, sir. I agree completely and thank you, sir. I’ll keep you posted on his progress. He’s facing at least a six-week recovery period due to the leg wound. If he’s not emotionally and mentally fit for duty within the next couple of weeks, I’ll arrange for a psychiatric consultation and counseling while he continues to recover physically.”
“I’ll give you two weeks and I want a daily progress report that includes an update from the colonel.”
“Yes, sir, I’ll make sure that happens. Again, thank you, sir. I know that Dr. Jackson will be greatly relieved by our arrangement.”
With a warm, fatherly smile that seemed to imply his understanding that there was more at stake than just Daniel’s mental health, the general responded, “You’re welcome… and I hope that everything works out between you and Dr. Jackson. Dismissed.”
* * *
Janet stopped by Daniel’s office, but he wasn’t there so she figured she’d find him with the colonel. Knocking on his door, she heard, “Who’s there?”
Feeling rather vulnerable, knowing she was going to fall prey to one of the colonel’s silly games, she answered, “Dr. Fraiser.”
Sure enough, she heard Jack say, “Dr. Fraiser who?”
“Colonel, is the door unlocked and is Daniel with you?”
“Maybe…” the colonel answered, drawing the word out.
“Colonel O’Neill, do I have your permission to enter?”
Listening intently, trying to glean what she could of the conversation going on within the room, she heard, “What da ya think, Daniel? Should we let her in?”
“Jack! You’re such a child. Come in Janet,” Daniel called loudly.
Opening the door, scowling first at the colonel with exasperation, and then addressing Daniel, she said, “Thank you. At least one of you has some sense.”
Jack sat there smiling contentedly at her recrimination, appearing to enjoy the fact that he could so easily get to her.
“So, Doc, what brings you around these parts?” the colonel asked.
“Actually, I’ve just come from General Hammond’s office and I’m here to make a proposal.”
“Great! Which one of us gets to be the ring bearer?” Jack asked with enthusiasm.
Hands on hips, Janet inquired, “Colonel O’Neill, can you not be serious for even one minute?”
“Sure, I can’t, Doc,” Jack responded with a wink and a grin, making fun of her double negative. “What’s up?”
In spite of his impish behavior, she just rolled her eyes and continued, “I assume that Daniel has told you that he refuses to see Dr. McKenzie.”
With an exaggerated shudder, Jack answered, “And who could blame him?”
Ignoring his further antics, the doctor said, “Colonel, if you agree, General Hammond is going to give us two weeks to see if we can help Daniel through this.”
Appearing to become serious at last, the colonel replied, “Sure, I’m willing to do what I can, especially seeing as how Major Carter is down with her separated shoulder thingy and Teal’c is on Chulak. What else do I have to do?”
“Okay, Colonel, here is what I’m proposing. Daniel will meet with you in the morning and with me in the afternoon. These sessions will be considered to be appointments that you cannot miss, Daniel, and the colonel and I will report on your progress to the general. If after two weeks I do not see significant improvement, then it will be my duty, as your physician, to refer you for a psychiatric consultation. Is that clear?”
“Yes,” Daniel replied with obvious relief. “Thank you, Janet. You won’t regret this. I promise to keep my appointments.”
“And actually talk? Answer our questions? Put up with our probing?” Jack asked.
“Yes, Jack… only because I’ll do anything to keep from seeing McKenzie.”
“I know how traumatic your experience was during your hospitalization in the psych ward, which is the only reason I’ve agreed to this,” Janet said. “So, you’ll see the colonel at 0900 tomorrow and I’ll expect to see you in my office at 1500 for a dressing change on your leg and the first of our counseling sessions. I shall also expect to hear your side of the conversations with Cass.”
“I’ll call her this afternoon after school,” Daniel said, appearing enthused by the possibility of putting everything right with the people he loved and hurt the most.
“Daniel, she’s extremely upset. Don’t expect too much from her at first. However, she’s very forgiving,” Janet explained as the colonel looked on, gauging Daniel’s reaction.
“I know… but I’ll make it up to her.”
“I believe that because you both have such a tremendous capacity to love,” Janet said. “Now, I have work to do, so thank you, Colonel O’Neill, and Daniel, I shall expect you to be very forthcoming during your sessions.”
“Sure… and I’ll talk to you later after I’ve called Cass.”
“That would be good,” Janet replied as she turned to make her exit.
“You heard her, Danny, two weeks of progress or it’s to the shrink you’ll go.”
“I know, Jack. You’ll see… it’ll all be fine.”
“I certainly hope so… for all of your sakes.”
* * *
Daniel was sitting quietly in his office, trying hard to concentrate on a translation that he found particularly difficult, when he heard a knock at his door.
“Come in… it’s open,” he said without looking up from his computer screen.
“Dr. Jackson,” General Hammond started, “may I have a minute of your time?”
Startled by the general’s presence, Daniel rambled, “Sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to ignore you… I was distracted… I should get you a chair….”
“Don’t worry; I’m fine where I am,” Hammond said with what appeared to be a friendly, fond smile. “Son, I owe you an apology.”
“I don’t understand, sir,” Daniel replied in confusion.
“Please allow me to continue,” he said, placing his hands on the desktop for support. “I never should have sent you and Dr. Lee on that mission without backup. Sometimes, even with all of the people that work here, it seems like we come up short-handed. It is my fault that that you and Dr. Lee were captured and I just want to say that I’m sorry.”
Daniel was completely befuddled and surprised by the general’s apology. “Um… I’m not sure what to say. You don’t owe me an apology.”
“Well, son, either way, I hope you will accept it.”
“Of course I will and thank you, sir,” Daniel replied, still a bit mystified.
“Then, I should get back to my office,” he said, preparing to make his exit. “As you were, Dr. Jackson.”
Before Daniel could say anything else, his door closed with a gentle click.
* * *
At exactly 1500 the next afternoon, Daniel appeared at Janet’s door.
“Come in, Daniel, and have a seat. I’ll be with you in a minute,” the doctor replied, busily writing in one of her charts.
Daniel noticed that she had already set up an extra chair for his leg, so he got settled while she finished her work.
After several minutes, Janet closed the chart, and then pulled her chair around in front of her desk, evidently so she could face him without the barrier between them. Daniel assumed that she was thinking that the more intimate setting might put him at ease, although he wasn’t sure anything would help.
“So, how did your session with Jack go?
“I dunno… okay, I guess.”
“What did the two of you talk about?”
“Jack mostly told me about his time in Iraq and the affect it had on him. The nightmares and flashbacks. I suppose he was mostly trying to forge a common bond.”
“That’s actually good, Daniel, because he knows to a certain extent how you must feel.”
“Yeah… maybe so,” Daniel said with somewhat of a noncommittal tone.
“All right, I’d like to ask you some questions.”
“Okay… and I suppose you’ll expect answers.”
“Yes, Daniel, it’s very important that we get everything you’ve been through out into the open and learn how it’s affecting you.”
Daniel did not respond, choosing to stare at his fidgeting hands instead.
Seeming to ignore his discomfort, Janet asked, “How do you feel about what happened to you and Dr. Lee?”
“What do you mean, ‘How do I feel?’ Isn’t that a pretty stupid question?”
“No, I don’t think so. It’s important that you tell me how you feel about your experiences.”
Daniel felt very uncomfortable with the questioning process, but he eventually answered, “I dunno….”
“Let me make this a little easier for you by being more specific. How do you feel about what happened to Dr. Lee?”
“God, Janet, why don’t you go for the jugular?” Daniel said bitterly.
Janet blatantly refused to give in to his emotional reaction, appearing to choose instead to sit quietly waiting for him to respond.
After the prolonged period of awkward silence, he finally answered, “If you really need to know, I feel guilty as hell.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m a total screw up, that’s why!”
“Daniel, I think you’re being too harsh on yourself.”
“Oh, really? Well, let’s see. I couldn’t keep you and Sam from being beat up by Sarah… or I should say, Osiris, in Egypt, I certainly didn’t do Steven Raynor any favors, and I let Bill be tortured to the breaking point. I’d say that amounts to being a pretty big screw up, wouldn’t you?” he said with a sardonic, self deprecating grin.
“First, Daniel, Sam and I are both majors in the U.S. Air Force. Despite our degrees and fields of expertise, we are combat trained, field ready, military officers, while you are a civilian consultant.”
“So? I’ve been in the field for almost six years. You’d think I’d be able to handle things better.”
“I disagree, Daniel. We have full military training as soldiers, while you only have field experience. Why do you feel responsible for us when we should be the ones watching out for your safety?”
“Well… um….”
“Yes? Go on, please.”
“Janet, this is hard. I’m not sure I can keep doing this.”
“What ‘this’ are you referring to?”
“All of this.”
Evidently, Janet sensed his extreme discomfort, because she took a different approach.
“Since you brought it up, tell me about how you feel about what happened in Egypt.”
“First, I guess…” Daniel said with hesitancy, “I felt responsible for you and Sam. As a man, I should have been able to take care of the two of you, but I couldn’t. I failed you both.”
“Again, Daniel, Sam and I are career soldiers who are trained to take care of ourselves and others in combat situations. As for Steven, his own selfish motives caused his injuries and you are in no way responsible for him.”
“Then why does it feel like I am?”
“Why don’t you try to answer the question for yourself?”
“Well… um… he had no idea what he was messing with. He walked into a trap and I was helpless to warn him.”
“And why was that?”
“Because I work for a top secret military operation that won’t let the public know of the existence of the stargate and the reality of extraterrestrials,” he said somewhat bitterly.
“Daniel, do you really think the world is ready for that kind of information?”
“No…” he replied, with an introspective pause, “I suppose not.”
“So, there was nothing you could do to prevent what happened to Steven and the choices he made that caused his injuries were a direct result of his own lust for the glory of discovery. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yeah… I guess so. I just wish I could have prevented the whole incident.”
“What about Sarah?”
“Do we really have to talk about her?”
“Again, you brought up the subject of Egypt. How do you feel about what has happened to Sarah?”
“Angry with myself and guilty as hell like I said before, all right?
“Why, Daniel?”
“Because I knew the danger she was being exposed to, yet I couldn’t tell her anything about what was in the Canopic jar. She sensed that I was connected with a government project that confirmed my theories about the pyramids, but I couldn’t tell her the truth and now she’s out there,” he said with a wave of his hand, “somewhere being held captive as a host to one very pissed off Goa’uld.”
“Daniel, listen to me,” Janet said gently, placing a hand on his knee. “There are very good reasons why what we do is a secret. I know that you understand that. I’m so sorry that Sarah was taken as a host. I know that the two of you had a romantic relationship at one time and it must be terribly painful for you to see someone that you care about so deeply to be abused in this way.”
Acerbically, with a short, sarcastic chuckle, Daniel responded, “First Sha’re and now Sarah. Yeah, I’m doing a great job of being the macho, protective male.”
“All I can say, Daniel, is… first, I’m so sorry that you are suffering repeated losses of those you love. Nobody should have to go through all that you’ve experienced. And, second, there was nothing you could do for either Sha’re or Sarah.”
“Yeah… well… it doesn’t keep me from feeling guilty.”
“Perhaps not. I just hope that you’ll be able to find a way to forgive yourself in time.”
“Maybe…” Daniel said without much confidence.
“Now, Daniel, I have to ask you a very important question that requires an absolutely honest answer.”
The seriousness of her tone put him immediately on the defensive.
“Do you ever have thoughts of suicide?”
He was stunned by her inquiry.
“What would ever make you ask that?” he asked incredulously.
“Well, victims of torture often feel that their lives are so out of control that they have feelings of hopelessness which leads them to commit suicide. Additionally, you have a history of placing yourself at tremendous and perhaps unnecessary risk.”
Confused by her statement, Daniel replied, “When have I done that?”
“Wouldn’t you agree that it was more than reckless placing yourself on the Gad-Meer ship when Sam had orders to blow it up? That would lead me to believe that you don’t have a very high regard for your own life. It is reasonable to say that you had committed a suicidal act.”
“No! I honestly believed I could convince Lotan to stop the transformation of the Enkaran world before Sam detonated the bomb.”
“All right, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but you must promise me that if you ever have thoughts of suicide that you will tell me. There is medication that may help you if you become depressed.”
“Janet, I would never resort to suicide. You have to believe me on that.”
“Just say you’ll promise.”
“Okay, I promise.”
* * *
Janet looked at the clock on the wall in front of her desk and noticed that it was 1455. She was quickly scanning an article she had found in a medical journal that outlined some of the “fallout” that torture victims often experience. She was nearly done with her studying when a familiar form appeared in the doorway of her office.
“Daniel, you’re right on time. In fact, you’re a couple of minutes early. Make yourself comfortable and I’ll be with you in just a second. I want to read the last page of this article.”
“Okay,” Daniel said, entering her office. “Anything interesting?”
“As a matter of fact, it pertains to some of the problems you’ve been experiencing. I’m trying to gain some insight. Like I told you before we started this, I’m not a psychiatrist, so I’m studying… trying formulate a clinical picture. ”
“Gosh, when did I stop being an individual?” Daniel responded sullenly. “So, that’s what I am to you? A ‘clinical picture’?”
“No, of course not,” Janet answered, somewhat shocked at his lashing out. “You know how much you mean to me, Daniel. However, I am bound both as your doctor and to General Hammond to remain objective. If I lose that, I will need to refer you for psychiatric care, something that none of us want to see happen. I’m outside my field of expertise here, so I’ve turned to some of the traditional literature to educate myself - not unlike what you do as an archaeologist.”
“Oh joy!” he responded sarcastically. “I can hardly wait for you to try your new found psychiatric techniques on me.”
“No, Daniel, it’s nothing like that at all,” Janet said hastily, regretting having given him the impression that he was turning into her personal psychological “Guinea pig”. “It’s an article that explains the emotional after effects of what you’ve been through. I’m trying to get a better understanding of why you feel the way you do. That’s all.”
“Oh, that’s it,” was Daniel’s only comment, making Janet feel even worse.
“Look, I can finish reading this later.” As she pulled her chair over to him, she said, “How was your day? How did your session with the colonel go?”
“See? That’s what I mean,” he said with obvious hostility. “You already know the answer to that because I’m sure that you and Jack have already had a nice long talk about your mutual patient. Why even bother asking me?”
“Daniel,” Janet said calmly, “listen to yourself. We’re just trying to help you, not take away your independence or sense of self by talking behind your back. In fact, the article I was just reading mentions that people who have endured torture often experience a sense of loss of privacy. Not just because of the counseling that some people go through, but because of the dreams and flashbacks that continue to invade their minds long after the physical or emotional abuse stops. If you want my honest opin….”
“And I’m sure I’m about to get it,” he replied sarcastically, cutting her off.
Ignoring his retort, Janet continued, “I believe that you are taking your hostility out on me because it feels to you like the probing and torturing is still continuing since we are attempting to get you to give up secrets that you are trying hard to guard. However, if you don’t talk to us, we can’t help you. I’m not your enemy, Daniel. Besides, I want to know how you think your time with Jack went.”
Letting out a long sigh, he finally said wearily, “I’m sorry, Janet. I’m just so frustrated by all of this.”
“I’m sure you are,” she responded sympathetically. “Let’s start over. Daniel, is there anything you would like to tell me? Something that you would like to talk about?”
He thought for a few moments before answering. “Actually, there is. Why do you think that I’m having such a hard time with this when SG-1 has been captured and tortured numerous times before, yet we all seemed to take it in stride? What’s different about this time?”
“Well, I think you already know the answer to that, although you may not realize it.”
“All right, then, give me a hint,” Daniel said, “especially since you seem to have all the answers.”
“I’m not saying that I have everything figured out, but I know how I might feel if I were you. Let’s talk about the mission to Central America. What do you see as your primary responsibility during that mission?”
“I was supposed to find the Telchak device and bring it back for us to study,” he answered simply.
“That’s true. What other responsibilities did you have?”
“Well… um… I guess I felt like I was responsible for Bill Lee.”
“Why do you feel that way, Daniel?”
“Because I’m a member of SG-1 and I have a lot more field experience than he does. I suppose I saw myself in the role of his protector.”
“That’s not an unreasonable assumption, although Dr. Lee, like you and every SG team member who goes out on missions, understands that there are dangers inherent in every field of operation. Here’s another question for you.”
“Okay,” Daniel said, giving the impression that he was finally trying to participate in the session with an open mind.
“What is the current political situation in Honduras? What are their feelings toward outsiders?”
“Um… it’s a well known fact that portions of Honduras are very politically unstable and it is ill advised for Americans to go wandering off into the Central American jungles on their own, which is why we hired a guide. Piracy is a big problem around temple ruins, which is most likely why we were captured by the Honduran rebels, and then drug over the border into Nicaragua.”
“So, you knew going in that you could be putting yourselves in danger?”
“Yes, I did, but I’m not as sure that Bill did.”
“Didn’t General Hammond order you to give him a mission briefing beforehand? Weren’t you asked to discuss the culture and political situation in Central America?”
“Yeah… I went through all of that.”
“Yet, Dr. Lee still agreed to go on the mission?”
“Yes, he did.”
“Was he forced or coerced into going?”
“No, I’m sure that General Hammond would have found someone else to go if he were that spooked.”
“Then why do you still feel so responsible for Dr. Lee?”
Daniel seemed to be thinking hard about his answer before he finally said, “I really don’t know.”
“At any time during your interrogation, did your captors tell you that if you didn’t give them the information they sought, they would take it out on Dr. Lee?” Janet could see that she had struck a nerve by the look that crossed Daniel’s face, so she went on. “And did you give them the information they requested?”
“No.”
“Isn’t it possible that you feel, in retrospect, that you should have given in to them in order to spare Dr. Lee from the pain of torture and the guilt from having given up classified information?”
“I guess so…,” he answered tentatively, “but I never really looked at it that way.”
“Can you think of anything else that made this mission different than any of the others in which you were captured and tortured?” she asked, giving him time to mull it over.
“Well, Bill and I were out there alone. Usually, when SG-1 gets into those types of situations, Jack thinks of a way out - as whacky as his schemes sometimes are. Plus, he’s usually the one to take the brunt of it for us.”
“So, maybe you feel more vulnerable for having responsibility for the mission without the rest of the team there. Wouldn’t that account for some of your increased anxiety over this particular instance of abuse?”
“Yeah… that could be it. I’ve never seen myself as much of a leader. In fact, if you ask Jack, I’m not even much of a sheep because he’s always griping at me for taking off instead of following his orders,” Daniel said with a hint of a smile.
“Give some thought to all of that,” Janet suggested, pleased that he seemed a bit more grounded. “Now, let me ask you about the pain you experienced. Can you describe it to me?”
Daniel grew very fidgety and uncomfortable, rubbing his pants leg as if to dry sweating palms.
Sensing his discomfort, Janet continued, “Can you at least try?”
“Um… I don’t know. How can you describe pain to someone else? I can tell you how much it hurt… still hurts in my nightmares, but I don’t have any way for you to truly understand it.”
“That’s exactly right, Daniel, which is one of the lingering after effects of torture. It is an established fact that the pain isolates its victim because there is no way you can accurately share that experience with someone else. One of the things I find frustrating as a physician is that I can tell that my patients are in pain, but I have no way to gauge its severity unless they can describe it to me. Further, the continual reliving of the pain in your subconscious continues to wear away at your hold on reality until you regress to an experience like what you had with Cassie. You might have been dreaming of one of your painful encounters and when Cass touched you, you lashed out at her thinking she was your captor.”
“So… you think I’m further isolating myself by not talking about it and that if I at least tell you details of my nightmares and flashbacks, I’ll be allowing you to somehow share the experience with me instead of taking it out on someone accidentally as part of a delusion?”
“That’s exactly it, Daniel. One of the goals of inflicting pain is to take away the victim’s sense of security and belonging. It’s a physical way of bringing about emotional isolation. By telling Jack or me about what you went through, you’re re-integrating yourself into the group, so to speak, and removing their ability to keep you in isolation. Over time, if you talk through it enough and get everything out into the open, the nightmares and flashbacks should go away. ”
* * *
Faithful to the plan, Daniel continued to meet with both the colonel and Dr. Fraiser on a daily basis. As he was able to work through his feelings of pain and guilt, he began to feel better about himself once again. His concentration at work improved, as did his sleep patterns. He was looking and acting more like his former self, and feeling more rested.
Furthermore, he had mustered up the courage to talk to Dr. Lee, who bore no ill will at all toward him. They had several long conversations about their shared experiences and it seemed to have the effect of bringing them together in a tighter bond, rather than serving to isolate them as it had when they had first returned to the SGC.
Both Dr. Fraiser and Colonel O’Neill made favorable reports at the end of the first two weeks. General Hammond was well pleased with their results and commented that he could already see a difference in Dr. Jackson’s demeanor and outlook. His productivity had increased and he seemed much more self-assured. If truth be known, the general shared their dislike of Dr. McKenzie, so he was relieved that his services would not be required.
General Hammond met with Daniel and told him that he could return to his apartment if Dr. Fraiser gave the go ahead, which seemed to please him immensely. The old soldier reckoned that a man so used to working outdoors must be going crazy looking at nothing but cement walls.
* * *
Daniel appeared at Janet’s office door at 1500 sharp with a smile and look of optimism that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
“Hey, Janet. How’s it going?” he asked congenially.
“It’s been busy, but I’m fine and looking forward to a couple of days off. By the way, I hear that General Hammond has left it up to my discretion as to your fitness to return to living off the base.”
“Yeah… I was going to talk to you about that,” Daniel said with a bit of hesitancy.
“Well, why don’t we talk about it while I have a look at your leg. If it’s healed enough, I think we can move you down to a cane and back to some homier surroundings.”
“I like the sound of that!” he replied enthusiastically as he turned and headed for one of the examination cubicles.
As soon as he had undressed and had put on a hospital gown, Janet unwrapped his leg. The wound was nearly healed on the outside, so she removed the surgical staples and pronounced him fit to begin physical therapy at the first of the week. As she placed steri-strips across the scar to give it a few extra days of protection, she brought up the subject of their spending time together again away from work.
“Daniel, I have the next two days off and the infirmary is well covered. I know it’s Thursday and a school night, but I’m sure that Cass would welcome the chance to spend tonight and the weekend with one of her friends. We would have the house to ourselves if you’d like to come over.”
“She’s still afraid of me, isn’t she,” Daniel asked in a voice filled with remorse.
“Actually, I think things have been going well between the two of you during your telephone chats, but I’m not sure she’s quite ready to face you. I think it has more to do with it being awkward for both of you rather than her being afraid of you, but I’ll leave the decision about when the time is right up to her.”
“Even so….” he said, allowing his voice to trail off.
“Look, I’m offering you a chance to get outside to enjoy a nice weekend with a pretty woman. How can you refuse that?”
Giving in to her seductive smile, he replied, “I don’t guess I can, nor would I want to.”
“Good! Then I’ll drop by your office just as soon as I’m sure things are covered here. Oh, and you can trade your crutches in for a cane. Now, if you don’t mind, I have other patient’s to attend to.”
* * *
As soon as Daniel had left the infirmary, Janet retreated to her office to make a phone call.
“Hi, Cass. It’s Mom.”
On the other end of the line, Janet heard, “Oh, really? I never would have guessed.”
“All right young lady, I’ll have none of your sarcasm,” Janet said in mock indignation.
“What’s up, Mom,” Cassie asked.
“Well, Honey, I have something to discuss with you.”
“Yes?” the teen replied.
“Daniel has made very good progress during the past two weeks and the general and I think that he would benefit from time away from the base. I know you’re still hesitant about being around him and that’s fine. I’ll let you decide when you’re ready to see him.”
“And? Let me guess. You want to know if I’d like to spend the weekend with a friend, but I have to do my homework, and show up at school on time, right?”
“Now that you mention it, yes.”
Cassie laughed and added, “What ever makes you happy. Besides, I know how important your relationship with Daniel is. Honestly, I figure I’ll end up with him as my stepdad, which is fine with me, but Mom, I just need a little more time to work through some things, that’s all.”
“Where did my little girl go? When did you become so perspicacious?”
“Say what? Did you earn $50 for the use of that word?”
Janet laughed and replied, “You’ve become so perceptive and mature right under my nose.”
* * *
Daniel was busy packing his briefcase and shutting down his computer when Janet appeared at his office door.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“In a minute… I just need to gather these things to take with me. I’ve got some….”
“What you have is some time off. If you want, we can stop by your apartment to pick up some clothes, but the work stays here. I have other ways to keep you busy all weekend.”
Blushing at her inference, Daniel answered, “Um… well then… I guess I’m ready to go.”
* * *
Janet could tell that Daniel was a little disappointed that Cassie had decided to leave before they got there. However, it didn’t keep him from enjoying their preparing dinner together or ruin his mood for the remainder of the evening. In fact, it was he who made the advances and suggested that they retire to the bedroom.
Janet playfully protested, saying that she wasn’t sleepy yet, but he just grinned and said, “Good, because I’m not either.”
Taking her in his arms, he kissed her tenderly, and then led her by the hand toward the bedroom, turning the lights out as they went.
Janet had anticipated the possibility of rekindling their romantic relationship, so she had placed scented candles at various places around the room - scents that she knew he especially liked.
When she emerged from the bathroom from changing into a negligee, she was pleased to see that the candles were lit and Daniel was waiting for her in bed. He held back the covers for her and drew her tightly against him, enfolding her in his arms, and then kissing her with increasing passion.
* * *
Twenty minutes later, Daniel was sitting on the edge of the bed in near despair, while Janet was curled up against him, propped up on one elbow while rubbing his back soothingly with her other hand.
“Listen, Daniel. All men have this problem from time to time.”
“Yeah?” he said bitterly. “I’ve never had this problem with you. I wanted tonight to be special and now I’ve ruined it.”
Trying to think of what to say to help him cope, Janet responded, “You haven’t ruined anything. You’re here with me and that’s good enough.”
“No, it’s not!” he shot back at her. “I wanted to make love to you… show you how much you mean to me… prove to you that I’m okay.”
Curling around him even further so she could see his face, she gently rubbed the back of her hand along his cheek.
“It’s all right, Honey. I know you’re going to be just fine. We don’t have to have sex for you to prove your feelings to me.”
Without saying anything, Daniel got up and left the room.
Janet put on a light robe, blew out the candles, and went to search for him. When she found him, Daniel was sitting in the den in the dark.
“Mind if I join you?” she asked, waiting for his answer rather than just sitting down next to him on the sofa.
“Suit yourself,” he said dejectedly, still obviously upset over his inability to perform.
Janet sat down next to him and wordlessly, but tenderly rubbed her hand on his thigh. As his breathing became more regular and he sank further into the cushions, she could tell that some of his anxiety was dissipating.
“Want to talk about it?”
“What’s there to talk about? I’m even a failure at satisfying the woman I’m in love with.”
“Daniel, our relationship has never been based on sexual performance. In fact, you satisfy me just by being here with me.”
“Janet, it’s not that I don’t find you desirable because you know that I do,” he said apologetically.
“Would you mind if I risk alienating you further by telling you something I’ve learned as we’ve had our counseling sessions together?”
Daniel let out a huge sigh and threw his head back hard against the sofa’s rear cushion before answering, “Why not? The night is already ruined.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’,” Janet said while still stroking his leg soothingly. “I read in one of my journals that it is normal for someone with your recent experiences to fluctuate through periods of extreme arousal and inability to perform. It has nothing to do with the person you’re with or how you might feel about them. Daniel, what happened tonight isn’t personal. It’s just one of the complications of being victimized that we still need to work through. You’ve come such a long way, but you need to be patient with yourself and allow the emotional healing some more time.”
“If you say so,” he said sounding exhausted.
“Please come back to bed. I’ll be content to just be held in your arms. Please?”
Without waiting for his answer, she stood up, took his hand, and gently helped him up off the couch. In truth, she was relieved that he didn’t resist her. Instead, he accompanied her back to bed.
* * *
On Friday, they enjoyed spending the day on the deck under the warm sun. Janet could tell that Daniel was enjoying being outside and free from the confines of the SGC. She purposely kept the conversation light and made sure she steered away from anything that even remotely resembled their doctor/patient relationship. The day seemed to be a complete success and Daniel was more relaxed than she had seen him in weeks.
For dinner, Janet had bought steaks and all the foods that Daniel loved to go with it. She handed him all the proper utensils, along with the meat on a platter, and informed him that he was in charge of the grill. She carried the seasonings and everything he would need outside for him, but left him alone while she went inside to prepare the baked potatoes and salad. This was his first chance to have some autonomous success and she didn’t want to tarnish it by hovering over him.
The table was set, including lit candles, and soft music was playing in the background when Daniel came in from the deck carrying their meal.
“Yum… those look lovely,” Janet enthused.
“Good, because I’m hungry as a bear. There’s something about a day outdoors that revs up my appetite.”
“Then let’s eat,” Janet said, placing the salad on the table. “I’ll just grab the baked potatoes and we’re ready. Would you mind opening the wine?” she asked on her way back to the kitchen.
* * *
They had thoroughly enjoyed their day and had capped it off nicely with a home-cooked meal. Daniel helped her load the dishwasher before joining her out on the deck to enjoy looking at the stars. It was a clear, warm night and Janet hoped that a little stargazing would help settle her partner down for what she had planned next.
After an hour or so, Janet said, “I’m getting a little chilly. How about we go in and get ready for bed?”
“I dunno,” Daniel answered hesitantly. “I think I’m going to stay out here a little longer, but you can go ahead if you want to.”
Sensing his anxiety over the previous night’s difficulties, Janet replied, “That’s fine. I’m going to start on a novel I’ve been dying to read, so you come along when you’re ready.”
“Okay,” was all he said.
On purpose, Janet wore a comfortable nightgown, rather than a sexy negligee. She had a very different plan for their time in bed.
It was several hours before Daniel made his way to the bedroom. Without saying anything, he ducked into the bathroom and finally emerged wearing a pair of flannel sleep pants.
Janet put the book down on her chest while he got into bed beside her, but did not make any sort of amorous advances.
“What are you reading?” he asked, trying to see the book’s title on the spine of the jacket.
“Oh, just the latest murder mystery by my favorite author.”
“Any good?”
“I think so… at least the first ten chapters have been good.”
“Was I outside that long?” Daniel asked, apparently having lost track of time.
“I’m a fast reader, that’s all.”
“Oh, okay.”
Putting the book aside, Janet turned toward Daniel, fluffed up her pillow, and lay down comfortably. She then patted his pillow and said, “Why don’t you join me. Let’s lie here and talk for a while before we go to sleep.”
Daniel seemed to be a bit wary of her motives, but he did as she asked and situated himself comfortably on his side.
“How’s your leg?” Janet asked. “I can get another pillow if you would be more comfortable.”
“No, it’s fine, but thanks for asking.”
“Mind if I ask you a question?” Janet said, brushing her hand gently across his cheek as she stared into his beautiful, blue eyes.
“Uh… no,” he answered with a tinge of hesitancy in his voice.
“When did you first know you were in love with me?”
“Hmmm…” he said with a warm smile. “What makes you think that I’m in love with you?”
Smiling back, she answered, “A girl just knows these things.”
“They do? Well… let’s see. I think I knew I was falling for you when I saw how fiercely you fought for Cassie as Nirrti tried to change her. You’re an incredible mother, Janet,” Daniel said, tenderly wiping her hair away from her eyes so he could see them better.
“Wanna know when I knew I was in love with you?” she asked.
“Sure,” he replied, gazing adoringly into her eyes.
“It was when I sent you through the stargate to the planet with that mesmerizing light. Medically speaking, when I wheeled you into the gate room and Jack slung you over his shoulder, you were dead and I was terrified of having to face life without you.”
Her answer seemed to surprise him. “Wow, Janet, that was more than three years ago. Why’d you wait so long to let me know you had feelings for me?”
“Quite frankly, I didn’t want to encroach on your memories of Sha’re. I wasn’t sure you would ever be willing to fall in love again after losing someone so special.”
With a different sort of smile that Janet recognized as being reminiscent of his past, Daniel said, “Yeah… I wasn’t sure I’d be willing to risk that kind of emotional investment again either, but I’m glad that I have.”
“Me, too,” Janet said before leaning in to give him a brushing kiss. “Okay, your turn. Ask me a question.”
“My turn, eh? I’d better make it a good one,” he said playfully, making a face that implied that he was really thinking hard. “Okay, I’ve got one. What do you love most about me?”
“That’s easy. I love the way that you care so much for others. You’re always seeing things from their point of view. Even when you were dealing with Reese, who was a very sophisticated machine, you knew that she was programmed to have feelings and you were very protective of her. Plus, you always stand up for what you believe is right - even when you’re wrong. I adore you for that!”
“Really? I would have thought that you found that to be a weakness.”
“Nope. It’s one of your strongest and best characteristics - especially given that it usually drives the colonel nuts.”
They both chuckled over his agreeing with her when it came to Jack.
“Now, it’s your turn. What do you love most about me?” Janet asked sweetly, batting her eyes for dramatic effect.
After leaning in to kiss the tip of her nose, Daniel answered, “When I was dying with the radiation sickness, you fought so hard to make me comfortable, while keeping up a brave face. You gave me the courage and the ability to face death with dignity. Then, when Jacob was using the healing device, in the end, you listened to Jack and loved me enough to let me go.”
Janet was momentarily left speechless by his revelation because she had never thought of it that way. Daniel must have sensed the impact his admission had on her because he gave her a slow, tender kiss and murmured, “thank you” against her lips before kissing her once more.
“It’s my turn to ask you a question,” Daniel said softly. “What has frightened you the most about our relationship?”
Janet’s answer was not immediately forthcoming. Looking him in the eyes, she finally responded, “After you had returned from being ascended and you had lost your memory, I was afraid that you would never remember us… never remember the love that we had just begun to share.”
“Yeah… I remembered Sha’re and was terribly sad when Teal’c told me that she had died, but I also had a sense that there was someone else important in my life, although I didn’t immediately realize that it was you.”
It was Janet’s turn to kiss Daniel, thankful that his memory of their budding romance had eventually returned to him.
“So, Daniel, what have you found most frightening about our relationship?”
“Do you remember when I was taken over by Martice and his shipmates from the Stromos?”
Janet shivered at the memory, prompting Daniel to lightly rub her arm. “How could I forget?” she answered.
“Well, what has most scared me about our relationship was realizing that there was a strong possibility that if you and Sam couldn’t figure out a way for me to regain control of my body, I would have had to say goodbye to you once more. I didn’t think I could live through that kind of pain again… and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to try.”
“Oh, Daniel. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt,” she said sympathetically. “If it’s any consolation, I shared the same fear.”
They lay in silence for a long time, just enjoying being in each other’s company, until Daniel reached over to turn off the bedside lamp before drawing Janet tightly into his arms.
“You know that I love you, right?” he asked, then kissed her lightly as if to prove it.
“Uh huh,” Janet mumbled, kissing him back.
It was only a matter of a few minutes before they fell asleep, content to lay securely in each other’s arms.
* * *
Janet was awakened early the next morning by Daniel’s kissing her just below her ear and on down her neck.
“What time is it,” she said, enjoying the sensations he was awakening.
“Time for this,” he said as he rolled carefully on top of her to continue the foreplay that led to his making slow, tender love to her.
* * *
“As much as I’d like to stay in bed all day and return the favor, I’m hungry, so why don’t we make some breakfast, and then see what follows?” Janet said seductively.
Kissing her once more, Daniel said, “I like the way you think.”
They both got up simultaneously, Daniel donning his tee shirt and flannel pants, while Janet retrieved her gown from the floor where he had tossed it in the midst of his passion.
“I’ll get started on breakfast,” Daniel said with a wide yawn, wandering from the room, leaving Janet to get dressed.
By the time Janet had put on her gown, bathrobe, and a pair of slippers, Daniel had already started cooking the bacon and had set a carton of eggs on the countertop.
“Ummm… that smells heavenly,” Janet said, placing her arms around his waist to nuzzle him from behind.
Pulling her arms tightly around him, he answered, “You, Dr. Fraiser, are heavenly.”
“Glad you think so, Dr. Jackson. You’re not so bad yourself.”
While he finished cooking, Janet started coffee and set glasses of orange juice on the table.
They were both startled when they heard the front door open and close. Daniel had a look of utter panic on his face when Janet called out, “Cass, is that you?”
“Yeah, Mom. I’m home early.”
“I’ll say,” Daniel muttered, obviously anxious over his impending confrontation with Cassie.
Janet just wordlessly shrugged her shoulders.
Without warning, Cassie came barreling into the kitchen, throwing herself at Daniel, her arms encircling him completely in a massive bear hug.
“Uncle Daniel! I was hoping you would be here!”
Working his arms free so he could return the hug, Daniel responded, “Uh… Cass… it’s good to see you, too.”
As the teen continued to hold tightly to him, Daniel looked over her head at her mother, who was looking on with obvious approval.
“I’ve missed you so much!” Cassie mumbled into Daniel’s chest.
Kissing her on top of the head and tightening his hug, he replied, “Me, too, Cass… me, too.”
Janet looked on with a satisfied smile, coupled with high regard, as she watched the two people she adored most in the world allow their love for one another triumph over tragedy. There was still much work to be done to bring about the complete emotional healing that Daniel wanted and so desperately needed, but for the first time, Janet was confident that with their love and support, he was going to be just fine.
End