Sufficiently Advanced Technology by Katie M.
Title: Sufficiently Advanced Technology
Rating/Warning: PG
Spoilers: None
Your name: Katie M.
Your recipient: Karen T.
Request details: A story with lots of teamy goodness and a healthy dose of snark would be fab. Also, it'd be great if at least some of the story is set offworld. No first-person POV, Vala, Cameron, Landry, or Ori.
The Elathi seemed like nice people to Daniel. They were curious, polite to travelers, and it'd been long enough since they'd had any interaction with the Goa'uld that no one had at any point suggested hanging Teal'c by the neck until he was dead, which was an ongoing problem with SG-1's composition. He didn't hold out much hope that the planet had much to offer Earth, though, at least technologically. They didn't seem to be anywhere near an industrial revolution, much less the kind of advancements the SGC was looking for, and it had taken some fancy footwork on Daniel's part to keep Jack from turning SG-1 around and going home the first night they were there.
Halfway through the second day, when even Daniel had to admit that the Elathi's main contribution to Earth was likely to be some really tasty varieties of tea, their hostess said "Oh, you want the godstuff! Why didn't you say so? It's up at Temple Kotoji. They let pilgrims look at it all the time."
"The... godstuff," Daniel said blankly.
Tomoki frowned at him. "Flying chairs? Bracelets of invisibility? That is the sort of thing you're interested in, yes? Temple Kotoji has the best collection in the district."
At that point, Sam choked on her tea.
They spent two more days checking Tomoki's story and getting the kind of reactions one might expect from an American asked whether they were sure that there were entire stores devoted to the sale of scented candles. Multiple version of oh, yes, of course, Temple Kotoji, my brother-in-law saw the monks there use a pen from the godstuff to write an entire chapter of the Samas in the air year before last, but trust me, you don't want to talk to him about it, he smells of garlic all of the time. After a while, Daniel started to feel a little dumb asking questions about it, but Jack was still suspicious.
"Are we sure this isn't just some sort of elaborate practical joke?" Jack asked. After yet another round of tea-Daniel hadn’t pissed this much in years-they’d adjourned to the broad square at the center of town, where people stared but at least did it from a distance. "Or these people's version of hippie healing crystals?"
Teal’c cocked an eyebrow. “A great deal of Goa’uld technology is, in fact, based upon crystals,” he pointed out.
“Hippie?” Sam mouthed to Daniel. He shrugged back at her.
“Fine!” Jack said. “Fine. I’ll head back to the gate, talk to Hammond. Carter, you’re with me. Daniel, you and Teal’c…” He trailed off. “Get us some directions. Maybe a map, if you’re feeling really ambitious.”
With that, he stalked off, leaving Sam to follow in his wake. Daniel leaned back against something that was either a planter or an ashtray, depending on whether the cigarette butts or the scraggly flowers were intentional, and looked over at Teal'c. "At least it doesn't sound like the temple's all that far."
Teal'c gazed pointedly southward, where mountains showed above the steeply-sloped roofs of the buildings in town. "It also sounds as if it is located at a high elevation."
Daniel winced. "Yeah, let's... not mention that to Jack just yet."
***
A series of cabins were set up along the well-worn path to Kotoji, single-story wooden affairs with no official staff but decent stocks of supplies, donated by the more well-to-do pilgrims. They'd spent the night in one, about a third of the way up the mountain; Daniel'd appreciated the chance to spend the evening talking with more of the Elathi ("oh yes, the godstuff, you know they have a wall there that you can walk right through?") but hadn't enjoyed as much the chance to listen to them snoring later that night. The climb up through the trees--a little shorter this high, but still dense enough to give protection from the wind--was waking him up, though, and soon enough they'd be in Kotoji. Daniel couldn't help but feel a little excited. Okay, a lot excited. They'd stay overnight at least, even if there wasn't anything there but some monks and a hell of a view, and given the pace SG-1 usually went at, that was a rare treat.
Somehow, Jack didn't seem to appreciate the opportunity, because Jack, as he had pointed out on his return from the Stargate, was missing the Superbowl.
"I hate these people," he said, for approximately the two hundred and sixty-seventh time. "What kind of dumbass builds a major temple on top of a mountain? Carter, if Daniel brings up the Greeks again I want you to shoot him."
Daniel didn't sigh. Out loud, anyway. "It's really very common for high places to be regarded as sacred." He squinted up at the path ahead. "Admittedly, an seven thousand foot climb seems a bit excessive. I'm surprised they get visitors at all."
"Doesn't look a foot over 6900," Sam said, with a weary smile back over her shoulder at Daniel.
"Teal'c," Jack said, "if Carter tells that joke again I want you to shoot her."
Rather than immediately whipping around and threatening Sam's life, Teal'c kept walking, in an unstoppable-force-climbing-immovable-object kind of way. "No."
"No?" Jack said, peevishly. Daniel was mostly sure he was playing it up for his audience, but... well, Jack did have his pissy side. Sometimes you just had to humor him. Fortunately, Teal'c had the patience of a saint.
"No," he repeated.
"That's it? Just 'no'?"
"Yes," Teal'c said.
Possibly "patience" was the wrong word. "Stoicism" might be closer. Or "Jack-baiting sense of humor."
There was a brief silence.
"Have I mentioned how I feel about these people?" Jack asked.
"Yes," all three of them said. "Sir," Sam added.
As it was the bad, please-don't-make-me-kill-you sir, Jack--miracle of miracles!--shut up.
***
As temples went, Kotoji was pretty bland. All that they'd seen of it so far was three stories of grey stone boxes, piled one atop another, and plain plastered walls inside. A monk or two could be found in each of the public rooms, holding forth on a topic of religious importance--occasionally to empty air, though in those cases they looked faintly embarrassed, like presenters whose audience had just fled a boring lecture.
Daniel sympathized. Not enough to stay for an esoteric lecture on the twinned energies of Kol Ellis and Fal Ellis and their true vegetable natures, but still, there was sympathy.
The godstuff would be demonstrated on the hour, they'd been told--a very prompt people, were the Elathi. The room used for the purpose was larger than the rest and more richly decorated, with mirrors and intricate black patterns painted on the walls and a recessed stage at one end. There were no chairs, so the dozen or so people in the room were settled cross-legged on the floor, looking rather like an overgrown kindergarten class at an assembly.
"This year," the monk told them, "we are demonstrating the Cloth of Essan. Tavvo Essan spent his life in study of the existence of things unperceived..."
"Now they're making me miss Schrodinger," Sam murmured to Daniel, who twitched her a half-hearted smile while keeping most of his attention on the presentation. It was interesting; the place names and some of the cultural elements were clearly Japanese-derived, but this particular lecture reminded him of nothing so much as Greek natural philosophy. Incorrect and kind of odd, but intricately so, and internally consistent so far as that went.
The Cloth, which was about the size of a large handkerchief, was made out of what looked like blue silk. It draped quite nicely over the wooden block the monk had been using as an example, holding it out for the audience to see, then behind his back, then asking them to close their eyes.
Daniel was getting a bad feeling about this.
The monk pulled the Cloth off of his empty hand with a flourish, to general applause. Teal'c frowned at Jack, who had dropped his head into his hands. "It appears," he said, voice low enough not to carry to any of the Elathi, "that the demonstrator is utilizing sleight of hand. I do not believe that this is a technologically advanced piece of fabric."
"Could be a controllable quantum fluctuation," Sam said hopefully.
"It's stage magic," Jack said, massaging his forehead with the pads of his fingers. At least he sounded resigned now, rather than pissed off. "Sit back and enjoy the show, kids. We'll quiz 'em some more later."
***
"How was I supposed to know?" Daniel asked later, on their way back down the mountain, which what he felt was some well-justified irritation in his voice. "Forgive me if I didn't follow up on their description of powerful religious relics with a question about whether it was all a big show and they just pretended not to know about it."
"Maybe next time you should ask about rabbits and hats," Sam said cheerily. Once she'd gotten over her initial disappointment, she'd found the whole thing hilarious. Daniel was pretty sure Teal'c did too, but if so, he wasn't admitting it.
"Funny," Jack said.
Sam grinned at him. "Thank you, sir! I thought so."
"I fear that there are no hats large enough to conceal the Earth," Teal'c said, sounding genuinely regretful. When Daniel glanced back, though, Teal'c met his eyes with much too innocent a gaze to have been at all serious.
"All I'm saying is this one's Daniel's problem to explain to Hammond." After a few more steps, Jack added, "Also, if Ferretti tells me who won the game before I get to see it, I swear I'm shooting him this time. Three years in a row, people."
"Maybe they've got a mindreader up there too!"
Jack sighed. "Don't say that to Hammond. We'll just have to climb the damn mountain again, and seriously, I'm getting way too old for this shit."
Rating/Warning: PG
Spoilers: None
Your name: Katie M.
Your recipient: Karen T.
Request details: A story with lots of teamy goodness and a healthy dose of snark would be fab. Also, it'd be great if at least some of the story is set offworld. No first-person POV, Vala, Cameron, Landry, or Ori.
The Elathi seemed like nice people to Daniel. They were curious, polite to travelers, and it'd been long enough since they'd had any interaction with the Goa'uld that no one had at any point suggested hanging Teal'c by the neck until he was dead, which was an ongoing problem with SG-1's composition. He didn't hold out much hope that the planet had much to offer Earth, though, at least technologically. They didn't seem to be anywhere near an industrial revolution, much less the kind of advancements the SGC was looking for, and it had taken some fancy footwork on Daniel's part to keep Jack from turning SG-1 around and going home the first night they were there.
Halfway through the second day, when even Daniel had to admit that the Elathi's main contribution to Earth was likely to be some really tasty varieties of tea, their hostess said "Oh, you want the godstuff! Why didn't you say so? It's up at Temple Kotoji. They let pilgrims look at it all the time."
"The... godstuff," Daniel said blankly.
Tomoki frowned at him. "Flying chairs? Bracelets of invisibility? That is the sort of thing you're interested in, yes? Temple Kotoji has the best collection in the district."
At that point, Sam choked on her tea.
They spent two more days checking Tomoki's story and getting the kind of reactions one might expect from an American asked whether they were sure that there were entire stores devoted to the sale of scented candles. Multiple version of oh, yes, of course, Temple Kotoji, my brother-in-law saw the monks there use a pen from the godstuff to write an entire chapter of the Samas in the air year before last, but trust me, you don't want to talk to him about it, he smells of garlic all of the time. After a while, Daniel started to feel a little dumb asking questions about it, but Jack was still suspicious.
"Are we sure this isn't just some sort of elaborate practical joke?" Jack asked. After yet another round of tea-Daniel hadn’t pissed this much in years-they’d adjourned to the broad square at the center of town, where people stared but at least did it from a distance. "Or these people's version of hippie healing crystals?"
Teal’c cocked an eyebrow. “A great deal of Goa’uld technology is, in fact, based upon crystals,” he pointed out.
“Hippie?” Sam mouthed to Daniel. He shrugged back at her.
“Fine!” Jack said. “Fine. I’ll head back to the gate, talk to Hammond. Carter, you’re with me. Daniel, you and Teal’c…” He trailed off. “Get us some directions. Maybe a map, if you’re feeling really ambitious.”
With that, he stalked off, leaving Sam to follow in his wake. Daniel leaned back against something that was either a planter or an ashtray, depending on whether the cigarette butts or the scraggly flowers were intentional, and looked over at Teal'c. "At least it doesn't sound like the temple's all that far."
Teal'c gazed pointedly southward, where mountains showed above the steeply-sloped roofs of the buildings in town. "It also sounds as if it is located at a high elevation."
Daniel winced. "Yeah, let's... not mention that to Jack just yet."
***
A series of cabins were set up along the well-worn path to Kotoji, single-story wooden affairs with no official staff but decent stocks of supplies, donated by the more well-to-do pilgrims. They'd spent the night in one, about a third of the way up the mountain; Daniel'd appreciated the chance to spend the evening talking with more of the Elathi ("oh yes, the godstuff, you know they have a wall there that you can walk right through?") but hadn't enjoyed as much the chance to listen to them snoring later that night. The climb up through the trees--a little shorter this high, but still dense enough to give protection from the wind--was waking him up, though, and soon enough they'd be in Kotoji. Daniel couldn't help but feel a little excited. Okay, a lot excited. They'd stay overnight at least, even if there wasn't anything there but some monks and a hell of a view, and given the pace SG-1 usually went at, that was a rare treat.
Somehow, Jack didn't seem to appreciate the opportunity, because Jack, as he had pointed out on his return from the Stargate, was missing the Superbowl.
"I hate these people," he said, for approximately the two hundred and sixty-seventh time. "What kind of dumbass builds a major temple on top of a mountain? Carter, if Daniel brings up the Greeks again I want you to shoot him."
Daniel didn't sigh. Out loud, anyway. "It's really very common for high places to be regarded as sacred." He squinted up at the path ahead. "Admittedly, an seven thousand foot climb seems a bit excessive. I'm surprised they get visitors at all."
"Doesn't look a foot over 6900," Sam said, with a weary smile back over her shoulder at Daniel.
"Teal'c," Jack said, "if Carter tells that joke again I want you to shoot her."
Rather than immediately whipping around and threatening Sam's life, Teal'c kept walking, in an unstoppable-force-climbing-immovable-object kind of way. "No."
"No?" Jack said, peevishly. Daniel was mostly sure he was playing it up for his audience, but... well, Jack did have his pissy side. Sometimes you just had to humor him. Fortunately, Teal'c had the patience of a saint.
"No," he repeated.
"That's it? Just 'no'?"
"Yes," Teal'c said.
Possibly "patience" was the wrong word. "Stoicism" might be closer. Or "Jack-baiting sense of humor."
There was a brief silence.
"Have I mentioned how I feel about these people?" Jack asked.
"Yes," all three of them said. "Sir," Sam added.
As it was the bad, please-don't-make-me-kill-you sir, Jack--miracle of miracles!--shut up.
***
As temples went, Kotoji was pretty bland. All that they'd seen of it so far was three stories of grey stone boxes, piled one atop another, and plain plastered walls inside. A monk or two could be found in each of the public rooms, holding forth on a topic of religious importance--occasionally to empty air, though in those cases they looked faintly embarrassed, like presenters whose audience had just fled a boring lecture.
Daniel sympathized. Not enough to stay for an esoteric lecture on the twinned energies of Kol Ellis and Fal Ellis and their true vegetable natures, but still, there was sympathy.
The godstuff would be demonstrated on the hour, they'd been told--a very prompt people, were the Elathi. The room used for the purpose was larger than the rest and more richly decorated, with mirrors and intricate black patterns painted on the walls and a recessed stage at one end. There were no chairs, so the dozen or so people in the room were settled cross-legged on the floor, looking rather like an overgrown kindergarten class at an assembly.
"This year," the monk told them, "we are demonstrating the Cloth of Essan. Tavvo Essan spent his life in study of the existence of things unperceived..."
"Now they're making me miss Schrodinger," Sam murmured to Daniel, who twitched her a half-hearted smile while keeping most of his attention on the presentation. It was interesting; the place names and some of the cultural elements were clearly Japanese-derived, but this particular lecture reminded him of nothing so much as Greek natural philosophy. Incorrect and kind of odd, but intricately so, and internally consistent so far as that went.
The Cloth, which was about the size of a large handkerchief, was made out of what looked like blue silk. It draped quite nicely over the wooden block the monk had been using as an example, holding it out for the audience to see, then behind his back, then asking them to close their eyes.
Daniel was getting a bad feeling about this.
The monk pulled the Cloth off of his empty hand with a flourish, to general applause. Teal'c frowned at Jack, who had dropped his head into his hands. "It appears," he said, voice low enough not to carry to any of the Elathi, "that the demonstrator is utilizing sleight of hand. I do not believe that this is a technologically advanced piece of fabric."
"Could be a controllable quantum fluctuation," Sam said hopefully.
"It's stage magic," Jack said, massaging his forehead with the pads of his fingers. At least he sounded resigned now, rather than pissed off. "Sit back and enjoy the show, kids. We'll quiz 'em some more later."
***
"How was I supposed to know?" Daniel asked later, on their way back down the mountain, which what he felt was some well-justified irritation in his voice. "Forgive me if I didn't follow up on their description of powerful religious relics with a question about whether it was all a big show and they just pretended not to know about it."
"Maybe next time you should ask about rabbits and hats," Sam said cheerily. Once she'd gotten over her initial disappointment, she'd found the whole thing hilarious. Daniel was pretty sure Teal'c did too, but if so, he wasn't admitting it.
"Funny," Jack said.
Sam grinned at him. "Thank you, sir! I thought so."
"I fear that there are no hats large enough to conceal the Earth," Teal'c said, sounding genuinely regretful. When Daniel glanced back, though, Teal'c met his eyes with much too innocent a gaze to have been at all serious.
"All I'm saying is this one's Daniel's problem to explain to Hammond." After a few more steps, Jack added, "Also, if Ferretti tells me who won the game before I get to see it, I swear I'm shooting him this time. Three years in a row, people."
"Maybe they've got a mindreader up there too!"
Jack sighed. "Don't say that to Hammond. We'll just have to climb the damn mountain again, and seriously, I'm getting way too old for this shit."