just_muse_me | 18.3.2. I have something to tell you
18.3.2. I have something to tell you
Co-written with cameronpreston
Although the plan had been for the “twin wedding” to be simple, understated and small, it was really impossible to keep it like that in essence. With four people getting married, that meant four separate pockets of guests had to be accounted for and included. Pat had done just about everything he could to suggest ways to keep it simple, but Luke’s family alone was massive. Then there was everyone Riley and Evie knew at the hospital, plus friends of Riley’s from Scotland. By the time everyone was listed, there were going to be close to a hundred guests. That really wasn’t a small wedding.
Of course, included on the guest list was Pat’s twin brother, Cameron. He was only going to be in the States for a few days to encompass the grooms’ joint bachelor party and the wedding before he had to literally get on the plane the next day to return home for the game that weekend. This was why helping with the “twin wedding” had become like a small military operation for Pat. It was fine. It wasn’t like he hadn’t helped with things like this before, but added to the stress he had the niggling burden that he had to tell his identical twin brother - the closest person to him in the whole world - that he had eloped and gotten married in Canada without him.
And was starting to make Pat feel sick.
Despite Pat and Aiden’s offers to pick him up from the airport, Cameron had insisted he get a hire car. Besides the fact money really wasn’t an issue for him, he knew Pat and Aiden would both be tied up with wedding things and chauffeuring Cameron around was unnecessary. Cameron collected his red Liverpool hold-all from the backseat of the sleek black Mercedes hire car, slinging it over his shoulder so he could lock the doors and set the alarm. He looked up the street, trying to spot any familiar cars and smiled, blue eyes landing on the silver BMW convertible sports car with LEWISCO number plates. It was Aiden’s car, meaning Pat was already here with him. The Grooms’ joint bachelor party was being held at Luke’s bar right here in New York. Cameron hadn’t been able to fly out any sooner, only able to get a flight that evening, right before the party was due to start. He felt bad he wasn’t able to be around to help more, but his family and friends knew that his schedule during the football season was hectic and sporadic. He wouldn’t miss Riley’s wedding for the world, though.
The trendy BMW was an asset right up there with Pat and Aiden’s home in Princeton. Cameron had always expected Pat to end up with a quality life one day. Great job, gorgeous home with an equally as gorgeous bloke on his arm. Pat had been unlucky in love… until Aiden came along. In the early days, Cameron had really wanted to dislike the guy so he could warn Pat off him and prevent his brother’s heart being broken again. But truth was, there hadn’t been a thing about Aiden that Cameron hated. Not one. Cameron didn’t have to be a gay guy to see Aiden was hot, plus the guy had money. A lot of it, and gained from lots of hard work. He owned his own company with however many staff underneath him, he dressed well, he had nice manners, but the most important asset of all… he took Pat for Pat, and loved him, even with the MS. Not to mention the fact he wanted to take care of Pat at his worst. As far as Cameron was concerned, finding someone like that these days was damn near fucking impossible.
But Pat had managed it and Cameron afforded himself the luxury of actually trusting Aiden with his other half. He really hadn’t been surprised when Pat had called the evening of Valentine’s Day and told Cameron, and the rest of their immediate family, that he was engaged to Aiden. Aiden had proposed, albeit in not the most romantic setting of Pat trying to fight his way through physio to get back onto his feet after the MS attack, but it was Pat and Aiden’s moment. Cameron couldn’t have been happier that his twin was getting married. Lachlan’s marital footsteps were barely cold, and now Riley was about to take the plunge. Cameron had to wonder when Pat and Aiden would finally set the date. Maybe they could even get married in England. A big family thing. God knew that everyone was eager to see Pat happy after the heartache and pain following his MS diagnosis.
Cameron made his way up the street towards the bar, but before he could get up the steps, Pat appeared with Aiden, and Cameron looked up at them with a laugh. “A welcome party and no red carpet? Is that any fucking way to treat a celebrity?” he joked but before he had a chance to get any more words out, he found himself with an armful of Pat in a crushing hug. And the thing was, he knew his brother and immediately warning bells went off him his head. “You alright, buddy?” he asked, dropping his bag and hugging Pat back tightly.
Pat made no move to release the squeezing embrace. He gripped the back of Cameron’s shirt and just held onto him. It was guilt creating a wave of emotions inside him. He should have called Cameron and told him he was going to get married before he did. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now his brother was here with him, it was triggering a hint of regret. He loved Aiden and had wanted nothing more at that point in Canada to get married to him. He didn’t regret what he did, he just wished now Cameron had been there with them. He finally took a step back, but remained close, hands curling around Cameron’s forearms. His brother was stockier and much more built than Pat. Where Pat’s hair tended to be longer and immaculately styled, Cam had always been the short, back and sides type. It was their lifestyles that made them just not quite identical these days, but their eyes, facial features and hair colour were all the same. “I… I have something to tell you, darling,” Pat finally said, searching his brother’s eyes that were the same as his own.
Cameron’s stomach flipped and he glanced up at Aiden, who was still a few steps above the twins, though he was slowly descending, biting down on his lip as he did. “What’s happened?” Cameron asked immediately, cupping Pat’s face in his hands to try and latch onto any signs that Pat was ill again. “Are you okay?”
Pat nodded. “I-I’m okay, I just… we just…” he stammered and glanced at Aiden who was now standing beside him.
“You’ve set a date?” Cameron cut in, breaking into a grin. “Tell me you’ve set a date, and it’s gotta be off-season so I don’t have to do any of this covet sneaking around and risking Coaches foot up my arse. Which is so not as kinky as it sounds, as nice as the guy is.”
Pat felt his shoulders slump just a little and he shook his head. “No, darling, we haven’t set a date. We’ve already had one,” he began, sucking in a small breath of New York spring air. “I had to tell you before the party. I couldn’t go all night without you knowing. It’s been hard enough holding off to now, but this is something I needed to tell you in person. Too much between us is over the phone these days and this couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. I… we… Aiden and I are married, Cam. We got married in Canada a couple of weeks ago,” he finally got out in a rush and then froze, holding his breath in wait for his twin’s response.
Cameron froze too and just stared at his brother in shock, his mouth dropping open a little. Surely he had misheard? Pat wouldn’t just… no, no. He wouldn’t. Not without telling him. Not without him there… There were a few more moments of gaping before he let out a hoarse laugh, wide eyes looking between them. “Ha… good one, Patto. Y-You really got me this time,” he said with another laugh until his blue eyes dropped to Pat’s left hand, finding a thick platinum band on his ring finger. He turned his head in a snap to examine Aiden’s hand and when he did, he felt like his stomach and heart dropped out the front of his body and smashed heavily onto the concrete below.
“We just wanted… we felt…” Pat had lost the ability to string a coherent sentence together and it got worse as he saw Cameron’s face pale and him stare, stunned at Aiden’s hand. Pat wrapped his hand around Aiden’s and squeezed his fingers. “Can you give us a minute, darling?” he asked in nothing more than a hoarse whisper. Not only had he lost his words, his voice seemed to fail him too. He wasn’t sure the last time he felt this awful.
Aiden was sure the twins didn’t realise how very similar they looked right at that moment. He hadn’t expected Cameron to take it so badly, but he had been so swept up in the post-marriage happiness, that he couldn’t fathom Pat’s brother being anything but ecstatic for them. And he was stupid. He hadn’t once anticipated in his eagerness for them to get married and not wait that it might actually have meant the world for Cameron to be at Pat’s side when he tied the knot and Aiden’s stomach flopped over with a wash of guilt. He nodded mutely, the nausea threatening to return full-force despite going all day without throwing up once. He wanted to give Pat a kiss, but didn’t want to rub salt in the wounds. He just backed away from the brothers and ascended the stairs again to go back into the bar.
As soon as the door closed behind Aiden and left Cameron alone with Pat on the street out the front of the bar, Cameron pulled away from Pat’s hands and glared at him. “You fucking got married and didn’t tell me?!” he spat. “You promised! You promised me over and fucking over you would never do anything like that! We promised when you left for the States that we would still tell each other everything! You call me from the bathroom floor and tell me you’re puking some days and you can’t even bother with a phone call to tell me you’re getting married?! Let alone a fucking invite! I’m only you’re fucking identical twin!”
“It wasn’t planned!” Pat shouted back helplessly. Inevitably when one shouted, the other usually followed, whether there was reason or not. This time, there was very much reason. “And I’m sorry! I never meant to hurt you and I know how much my getting married meant to you, but you have to understand that it was just… we just…”
Cameron spun around and breached the gap between them again. There was barely a foot between them. “Just what?!” he demanded furiously. “This wasn’t a trip through the fucking McDonald’s drive-thru, Pat! YOU GOT MARRIED WITHOUT ME! After fucking everything! After nearly watching you die, all I wanted to do was be with you on the day you got married! I wanted to watch you and know that you really were happy so I could see for myself that it was okay to let you go and let someone else fucking take care of you! And you took that away!” Tears filled his eyes and he stepped away again, turning away from Pat angrily.
“I HAD TO DO IT WHILE I COULD!” Pat exploded, starting to cry himself. “Every day I go to bed I know there is a chance I could wake up and not walk again! A chance I can not see, or speak, or make love to the guy I’m head over heels for! I can’t live the life you do! I can’t chase a ball for a fucking living! I can’t even have a shower too hot because I might wake up with concussion and another fucking IV in my arm! I’m not going to say I made mistake, because I didn’t! I love Aiden and I wanted to marry him! I wanted to do it while I could and while things weren’t shit for once! One of my closest friends just got diagnosed with cancer! Cancer! And I was already well aware how short life is! I finally found someone who makes me happy, and who doesn’t want to cheat on me, or hit me, or leave me because I can’t fucking get it up! I didn’t want to wait, Cameron! I didn’t want to wait!”
Cameron spun around and grabbed the front of Pat’s shirt. “You aren’t fucking dead yet!” he growled, biting out the words. “You promised me. I would’ve come. All I needed was a day’s notice. I would’ve walked away from my spot on the team just to be at your wedding, but you didn’t even ask. I needed you happy, Pat. I needed to see it with my own eyes because when I sat by your bed side day after day with the doctors telling me you might never wake up, feeling the excruciating pain you were in, I didn’t ever think I would ever see it.” He paused, just long enough to stoop and pick up his bag. “Now I’m not sure I even care,” he said blankly and backed away, turning to stalk up the street again and get as far away from his brother as he could.
“Cameron, wait!” Pat sobbed, moving to go after him. There was no point, though. Cameron was already shoving his bag roughly into the car. The car door slammed and engine roared a few moments later. Cameron was speeding up the street before Pat could even make it to the curb. He felt that horrible cold clench in his chest as he watched the rear lights of the car disappear into the distance. It almost felt like he couldn’t breathe when he stumbled back to the stairs and slumped down onto the lowest one. When he caught sight of his wedding ring on his finger, it was like opening a flood gate. He gripped the banister of the stairs and couldn’t stop it when he started to cry helplessly. Happiness wasn’t supposed to feel like this.
He let it last all of two minutes, however, before he abruptly staunched the tears and built up that shield he had gotten so used to constructing since his diagnosis. He numbly swallowed back the tears and wiped his eyes with his fingers before hugging his arms around himself for a few moments. He stared at the cold grey concrete at the bottom of the stairs, bracing himself for a few more moments to fight away the lingering vice-like grip of guilt and regret. Whatever he was feeling would have to wait. It was Riley and Luke’s night, and then it was going to be the wedding on the weekend. That’s all that mattered. He pulled himself up off the stairs and brushed his jeans off. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t seen his twin since Christmas and after only a few minutes, everything had come crashing down around them. That suffocating, choked feeling of loss and loneliness in his chest born of separation from his brother would dilute.
It had to.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,269
Co-written with cameronpreston
Although the plan had been for the “twin wedding” to be simple, understated and small, it was really impossible to keep it like that in essence. With four people getting married, that meant four separate pockets of guests had to be accounted for and included. Pat had done just about everything he could to suggest ways to keep it simple, but Luke’s family alone was massive. Then there was everyone Riley and Evie knew at the hospital, plus friends of Riley’s from Scotland. By the time everyone was listed, there were going to be close to a hundred guests. That really wasn’t a small wedding.
Of course, included on the guest list was Pat’s twin brother, Cameron. He was only going to be in the States for a few days to encompass the grooms’ joint bachelor party and the wedding before he had to literally get on the plane the next day to return home for the game that weekend. This was why helping with the “twin wedding” had become like a small military operation for Pat. It was fine. It wasn’t like he hadn’t helped with things like this before, but added to the stress he had the niggling burden that he had to tell his identical twin brother - the closest person to him in the whole world - that he had eloped and gotten married in Canada without him.
And was starting to make Pat feel sick.
Despite Pat and Aiden’s offers to pick him up from the airport, Cameron had insisted he get a hire car. Besides the fact money really wasn’t an issue for him, he knew Pat and Aiden would both be tied up with wedding things and chauffeuring Cameron around was unnecessary. Cameron collected his red Liverpool hold-all from the backseat of the sleek black Mercedes hire car, slinging it over his shoulder so he could lock the doors and set the alarm. He looked up the street, trying to spot any familiar cars and smiled, blue eyes landing on the silver BMW convertible sports car with LEWISCO number plates. It was Aiden’s car, meaning Pat was already here with him. The Grooms’ joint bachelor party was being held at Luke’s bar right here in New York. Cameron hadn’t been able to fly out any sooner, only able to get a flight that evening, right before the party was due to start. He felt bad he wasn’t able to be around to help more, but his family and friends knew that his schedule during the football season was hectic and sporadic. He wouldn’t miss Riley’s wedding for the world, though.
The trendy BMW was an asset right up there with Pat and Aiden’s home in Princeton. Cameron had always expected Pat to end up with a quality life one day. Great job, gorgeous home with an equally as gorgeous bloke on his arm. Pat had been unlucky in love… until Aiden came along. In the early days, Cameron had really wanted to dislike the guy so he could warn Pat off him and prevent his brother’s heart being broken again. But truth was, there hadn’t been a thing about Aiden that Cameron hated. Not one. Cameron didn’t have to be a gay guy to see Aiden was hot, plus the guy had money. A lot of it, and gained from lots of hard work. He owned his own company with however many staff underneath him, he dressed well, he had nice manners, but the most important asset of all… he took Pat for Pat, and loved him, even with the MS. Not to mention the fact he wanted to take care of Pat at his worst. As far as Cameron was concerned, finding someone like that these days was damn near fucking impossible.
But Pat had managed it and Cameron afforded himself the luxury of actually trusting Aiden with his other half. He really hadn’t been surprised when Pat had called the evening of Valentine’s Day and told Cameron, and the rest of their immediate family, that he was engaged to Aiden. Aiden had proposed, albeit in not the most romantic setting of Pat trying to fight his way through physio to get back onto his feet after the MS attack, but it was Pat and Aiden’s moment. Cameron couldn’t have been happier that his twin was getting married. Lachlan’s marital footsteps were barely cold, and now Riley was about to take the plunge. Cameron had to wonder when Pat and Aiden would finally set the date. Maybe they could even get married in England. A big family thing. God knew that everyone was eager to see Pat happy after the heartache and pain following his MS diagnosis.
Cameron made his way up the street towards the bar, but before he could get up the steps, Pat appeared with Aiden, and Cameron looked up at them with a laugh. “A welcome party and no red carpet? Is that any fucking way to treat a celebrity?” he joked but before he had a chance to get any more words out, he found himself with an armful of Pat in a crushing hug. And the thing was, he knew his brother and immediately warning bells went off him his head. “You alright, buddy?” he asked, dropping his bag and hugging Pat back tightly.
Pat made no move to release the squeezing embrace. He gripped the back of Cameron’s shirt and just held onto him. It was guilt creating a wave of emotions inside him. He should have called Cameron and told him he was going to get married before he did. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now his brother was here with him, it was triggering a hint of regret. He loved Aiden and had wanted nothing more at that point in Canada to get married to him. He didn’t regret what he did, he just wished now Cameron had been there with them. He finally took a step back, but remained close, hands curling around Cameron’s forearms. His brother was stockier and much more built than Pat. Where Pat’s hair tended to be longer and immaculately styled, Cam had always been the short, back and sides type. It was their lifestyles that made them just not quite identical these days, but their eyes, facial features and hair colour were all the same. “I… I have something to tell you, darling,” Pat finally said, searching his brother’s eyes that were the same as his own.
Cameron’s stomach flipped and he glanced up at Aiden, who was still a few steps above the twins, though he was slowly descending, biting down on his lip as he did. “What’s happened?” Cameron asked immediately, cupping Pat’s face in his hands to try and latch onto any signs that Pat was ill again. “Are you okay?”
Pat nodded. “I-I’m okay, I just… we just…” he stammered and glanced at Aiden who was now standing beside him.
“You’ve set a date?” Cameron cut in, breaking into a grin. “Tell me you’ve set a date, and it’s gotta be off-season so I don’t have to do any of this covet sneaking around and risking Coaches foot up my arse. Which is so not as kinky as it sounds, as nice as the guy is.”
Pat felt his shoulders slump just a little and he shook his head. “No, darling, we haven’t set a date. We’ve already had one,” he began, sucking in a small breath of New York spring air. “I had to tell you before the party. I couldn’t go all night without you knowing. It’s been hard enough holding off to now, but this is something I needed to tell you in person. Too much between us is over the phone these days and this couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. I… we… Aiden and I are married, Cam. We got married in Canada a couple of weeks ago,” he finally got out in a rush and then froze, holding his breath in wait for his twin’s response.
Cameron froze too and just stared at his brother in shock, his mouth dropping open a little. Surely he had misheard? Pat wouldn’t just… no, no. He wouldn’t. Not without telling him. Not without him there… There were a few more moments of gaping before he let out a hoarse laugh, wide eyes looking between them. “Ha… good one, Patto. Y-You really got me this time,” he said with another laugh until his blue eyes dropped to Pat’s left hand, finding a thick platinum band on his ring finger. He turned his head in a snap to examine Aiden’s hand and when he did, he felt like his stomach and heart dropped out the front of his body and smashed heavily onto the concrete below.
“We just wanted… we felt…” Pat had lost the ability to string a coherent sentence together and it got worse as he saw Cameron’s face pale and him stare, stunned at Aiden’s hand. Pat wrapped his hand around Aiden’s and squeezed his fingers. “Can you give us a minute, darling?” he asked in nothing more than a hoarse whisper. Not only had he lost his words, his voice seemed to fail him too. He wasn’t sure the last time he felt this awful.
Aiden was sure the twins didn’t realise how very similar they looked right at that moment. He hadn’t expected Cameron to take it so badly, but he had been so swept up in the post-marriage happiness, that he couldn’t fathom Pat’s brother being anything but ecstatic for them. And he was stupid. He hadn’t once anticipated in his eagerness for them to get married and not wait that it might actually have meant the world for Cameron to be at Pat’s side when he tied the knot and Aiden’s stomach flopped over with a wash of guilt. He nodded mutely, the nausea threatening to return full-force despite going all day without throwing up once. He wanted to give Pat a kiss, but didn’t want to rub salt in the wounds. He just backed away from the brothers and ascended the stairs again to go back into the bar.
As soon as the door closed behind Aiden and left Cameron alone with Pat on the street out the front of the bar, Cameron pulled away from Pat’s hands and glared at him. “You fucking got married and didn’t tell me?!” he spat. “You promised! You promised me over and fucking over you would never do anything like that! We promised when you left for the States that we would still tell each other everything! You call me from the bathroom floor and tell me you’re puking some days and you can’t even bother with a phone call to tell me you’re getting married?! Let alone a fucking invite! I’m only you’re fucking identical twin!”
“It wasn’t planned!” Pat shouted back helplessly. Inevitably when one shouted, the other usually followed, whether there was reason or not. This time, there was very much reason. “And I’m sorry! I never meant to hurt you and I know how much my getting married meant to you, but you have to understand that it was just… we just…”
Cameron spun around and breached the gap between them again. There was barely a foot between them. “Just what?!” he demanded furiously. “This wasn’t a trip through the fucking McDonald’s drive-thru, Pat! YOU GOT MARRIED WITHOUT ME! After fucking everything! After nearly watching you die, all I wanted to do was be with you on the day you got married! I wanted to watch you and know that you really were happy so I could see for myself that it was okay to let you go and let someone else fucking take care of you! And you took that away!” Tears filled his eyes and he stepped away again, turning away from Pat angrily.
“I HAD TO DO IT WHILE I COULD!” Pat exploded, starting to cry himself. “Every day I go to bed I know there is a chance I could wake up and not walk again! A chance I can not see, or speak, or make love to the guy I’m head over heels for! I can’t live the life you do! I can’t chase a ball for a fucking living! I can’t even have a shower too hot because I might wake up with concussion and another fucking IV in my arm! I’m not going to say I made mistake, because I didn’t! I love Aiden and I wanted to marry him! I wanted to do it while I could and while things weren’t shit for once! One of my closest friends just got diagnosed with cancer! Cancer! And I was already well aware how short life is! I finally found someone who makes me happy, and who doesn’t want to cheat on me, or hit me, or leave me because I can’t fucking get it up! I didn’t want to wait, Cameron! I didn’t want to wait!”
Cameron spun around and grabbed the front of Pat’s shirt. “You aren’t fucking dead yet!” he growled, biting out the words. “You promised me. I would’ve come. All I needed was a day’s notice. I would’ve walked away from my spot on the team just to be at your wedding, but you didn’t even ask. I needed you happy, Pat. I needed to see it with my own eyes because when I sat by your bed side day after day with the doctors telling me you might never wake up, feeling the excruciating pain you were in, I didn’t ever think I would ever see it.” He paused, just long enough to stoop and pick up his bag. “Now I’m not sure I even care,” he said blankly and backed away, turning to stalk up the street again and get as far away from his brother as he could.
“Cameron, wait!” Pat sobbed, moving to go after him. There was no point, though. Cameron was already shoving his bag roughly into the car. The car door slammed and engine roared a few moments later. Cameron was speeding up the street before Pat could even make it to the curb. He felt that horrible cold clench in his chest as he watched the rear lights of the car disappear into the distance. It almost felt like he couldn’t breathe when he stumbled back to the stairs and slumped down onto the lowest one. When he caught sight of his wedding ring on his finger, it was like opening a flood gate. He gripped the banister of the stairs and couldn’t stop it when he started to cry helplessly. Happiness wasn’t supposed to feel like this.
He let it last all of two minutes, however, before he abruptly staunched the tears and built up that shield he had gotten so used to constructing since his diagnosis. He numbly swallowed back the tears and wiped his eyes with his fingers before hugging his arms around himself for a few moments. He stared at the cold grey concrete at the bottom of the stairs, bracing himself for a few more moments to fight away the lingering vice-like grip of guilt and regret. Whatever he was feeling would have to wait. It was Riley and Luke’s night, and then it was going to be the wedding on the weekend. That’s all that mattered. He pulled himself up off the stairs and brushed his jeans off. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t seen his twin since Christmas and after only a few minutes, everything had come crashing down around them. That suffocating, choked feeling of loss and loneliness in his chest born of separation from his brother would dilute.
It had to.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,269