musesandlyrics | 2.5. Mick Jagger quote
2.5. "It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back."
Mick Jagger
Co-written with cameronpreston
The relief that had flooded through Cameron when Pat finally pulled through and woke up with his vision returning had been almost crippling for him. The doctors had been talking about the possibility Pat might not regain his sight at all, or that the ordeal of the second bleed in his brain in two years, no matter how small, might have been too taxing on his MS for him to pull out of this latest attack on his feet. They didn't know if he would be in a wheelchair permanently this time. But with a good few days of recuperation under his belt, Pat was back on the mend and returning more and more to his old self as he started to feel better. The wheelchair issue wasn't one that could be answered yet. Pat's body was still weakened from the illness and he would need physio yet again, but the prognosis had shifted from uncertain to hopeful. Ironically, both twins now found themselves in the clutches of physiotherapy, with Cameron now well able to sympathise how hard Pat fought to get back on his feet after he had been sick.
In fact, Pat had been well enough that morning for Aiden to make the nervous decision to go to New York with Harri for the day so she could collect some things after choosing to stay in Princeton to lick her wounds are the split with James. Aiden was more than happy for her to stay, and was actually excited they could have time together. He was going to help her with frequent reminders of how much a gigantic prick asshole James was when the pregnancy hormones made her start thinking otherwise, and she was going help out with caring for Pat when he was discharged from hospital to just ease a little of the burden off Aiden. It also gave the long-time BFFs a chance reconnect after accidentally being disconnected from each other for awhile. They both needed help, and they always knew how to help each other. Life was just so much more complicated for both of them these days. Neither could have anticipated any of it.
But this left the twins alone in Pat's hospital room, and alone with Pat well enough to finally process everything Aiden had told him a couple of days prior. Cameron had filled in the gaps, but it had all be such a shock to Pat, he wasn't actually sure how he was supposed to react initially. Which was good evidence for why people shouldn't react in the first instance. He had time now to absorb it, and even though he was tired and still medicated, he knew it was time to try and revisit a few of the things with his second half. He watched Cameron quietly for a few moments, who was sitting beside him flicking through the latest English Premier League magazine his Coach had sent him. You could take the boy out of football, and all that.
"Are you sure you want to go home to London, Cam?" Pat asked quietly as he threaded his IV line through his fingers to hold it out of the way while he adjusted the blanket around his waist. "I mean, I don't think you're running away when you just want to go home, but none of this is your fault. You don't have to be the one to remove yourself from the situation. You can still stay."
Cameron closed the magazine and looked up at Pat, letting out a slow breath. "I'm homesick, Patto. I'm not going to go until you're discharged from here, but after that, I just... can't stay. I don't even want to think about anything, let alone think about it all and try to find reasons that I should stick around. You know I would stay just for you, but you're married, buddy, and you have an awesome husband who is more than capable of caring for you. Plus Lachie and Riley are a stone's throw away. I don't feel like I'm getting better here. In fact, coming here after my accident was big giant fucking mistake. I don't want to be reminded every day that I have fuck all to get out of bed in the morning for. At least back home, I can be with the team and keep up-to-date for when I do get back to the game. I need something to focus on right now, something that isn't just a pile of shit. She screwed me over. I never had a fucking chance. All the bullshit about kismet lays and fucking bollocks. Kismet lays, my fucking arse. I was a conveniently placed cock and nothing more. She just wanted someone to screw until she got what she really wanted. You can see now why I'm not exactly an advocate of the relationship crap, no offense. You're one of the lucky ones."
Pat just listened quietly. There was no way he could judge. He knew how it felt to be cheated on after being burned in the past. It sucked, and it was one of the most hurtful things to experience. He was angry by default that Cameron had to go through that, but, "She's pregnant with your kids, Cam," he reminded him gently. "Can you really just walk away from that? Don't you even have the slightest yearning to be a Dad?"
Cameron winced internally at the sad edge Pat's tone took at the final question. "I can't even think about looking at her, Patto. I don't even know if they're mine. Right now, I'm seriously doubting they are, and I have no way of knowing for sure. How do you think that makes me feel? Then I sit here with Harri making small talk and all I can think about is that she has been left high and dry too, and she has a lot more to worry about than I do. That kid in there gets the short end of the stick because it's father is a bastard, and I realise if Isabel is having my kids and I just up and leave I'm not better than he is, but they want to play happy families. They get everything they want. He can be their father. Sperm is irrelevant. I want nothing more to do with her. They may as well have the whole uncomplicated non-closure package. If you and Aiden had a kid by whatever means and it wasn't biologically yours, would you be the father, or would you want the other biological bloke to be when he had no interest in having a kid with someone he didn't love in the first place?"
Pat gave his head the slightest of shakes and glanced away, wetting his lips. "You don't need me to answer any of that. My question would be, what if the biological bloke changed his mind down the track after it came to light the kids were his, and he maybe did want to be involved in their lives," he murmured.
"The biological bloke would just have to deal and accept, hopefully managing to find a partner that loves him and wants to be with him unconditionally without any husbands returning from the dead and waiting in the wing to make him feel like a cockhead," Cameron said bitterly and dropped back in his seat to fold his arms. "Biological shite is bullshit. Look at Luke's cousin. He's an awesome father to that baby girl, and the biological father has nothing to do with her. And what about Lachie and Tara? If biology had any bearing on parenthood in some situations, why did you offer to be their sperm donor when they thought Lachie couldn't have kids?"
"To give them everything they fucking deserved!" Pat hissed angrily as his twin struck a very raw nerve. "Sometimes it is okay to do things that don't follow the natural grain of the apparently normal world to make life just that little bit less painful! If you think with your fucking head and not your cock for just a few minutes, you would be able to work out that gestationally, she apparently got knocked up when he was in a friggen coma, you wanker! Now, I know he's supposedly an extremely talented guy, but no one is that fucking talented! Yes, I think you should go back to England, but not to damn well run away and stick your head up your arse and pretend like nothing in the last six months happened! You should go and think about where your life is headed right now! Your knee is fucked, you don't know where you stand with that, you've had your heart broken by someone who is carrying your kids, just like Harri has! Take charge of shit, Cameron, and be thankful your cock even still fucking works!"
It wasn't often that Pat actually got his bitch on and the claws came out, but when he did, he went right for the throat. Cameron was left reeling, probably even more so than if they had just resorted to a typical brotherly punch up to resolve their differences. There was no blood or bruises, but the ache left was much worse and nothing a band-aid or an ice pack would fix. He hunched forward and put his head in his hands, trying not to fold under the blow Pat's words came with. All of it was true and he had managed to forget in his own explosion of shit hitting fans that Pat was still wading through shit too, and probably would be for the rest of his life.
Pat reigned his anger back in and rested his hand on Cameron's shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. He moved on to rub Cameron's back apologetically, looking up at the ceiling in a sheer effort not to start crying. "I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry..." he told him quietly. "But if I don't pull your head out of your butt, who will?"
"Keeping pulling, Patto. I'm not quite there yet..." was Cameron's mumbled replied as the confused feeling set in even heavier than before. At any other time, the comment would have been met with sniggering about the double entendre, but these days, Cameron was wondering if he even remember how to laugh.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,720
Mick Jagger
Co-written with cameronpreston
The relief that had flooded through Cameron when Pat finally pulled through and woke up with his vision returning had been almost crippling for him. The doctors had been talking about the possibility Pat might not regain his sight at all, or that the ordeal of the second bleed in his brain in two years, no matter how small, might have been too taxing on his MS for him to pull out of this latest attack on his feet. They didn't know if he would be in a wheelchair permanently this time. But with a good few days of recuperation under his belt, Pat was back on the mend and returning more and more to his old self as he started to feel better. The wheelchair issue wasn't one that could be answered yet. Pat's body was still weakened from the illness and he would need physio yet again, but the prognosis had shifted from uncertain to hopeful. Ironically, both twins now found themselves in the clutches of physiotherapy, with Cameron now well able to sympathise how hard Pat fought to get back on his feet after he had been sick.
In fact, Pat had been well enough that morning for Aiden to make the nervous decision to go to New York with Harri for the day so she could collect some things after choosing to stay in Princeton to lick her wounds are the split with James. Aiden was more than happy for her to stay, and was actually excited they could have time together. He was going to help her with frequent reminders of how much a gigantic prick asshole James was when the pregnancy hormones made her start thinking otherwise, and she was going help out with caring for Pat when he was discharged from hospital to just ease a little of the burden off Aiden. It also gave the long-time BFFs a chance reconnect after accidentally being disconnected from each other for awhile. They both needed help, and they always knew how to help each other. Life was just so much more complicated for both of them these days. Neither could have anticipated any of it.
But this left the twins alone in Pat's hospital room, and alone with Pat well enough to finally process everything Aiden had told him a couple of days prior. Cameron had filled in the gaps, but it had all be such a shock to Pat, he wasn't actually sure how he was supposed to react initially. Which was good evidence for why people shouldn't react in the first instance. He had time now to absorb it, and even though he was tired and still medicated, he knew it was time to try and revisit a few of the things with his second half. He watched Cameron quietly for a few moments, who was sitting beside him flicking through the latest English Premier League magazine his Coach had sent him. You could take the boy out of football, and all that.
"Are you sure you want to go home to London, Cam?" Pat asked quietly as he threaded his IV line through his fingers to hold it out of the way while he adjusted the blanket around his waist. "I mean, I don't think you're running away when you just want to go home, but none of this is your fault. You don't have to be the one to remove yourself from the situation. You can still stay."
Cameron closed the magazine and looked up at Pat, letting out a slow breath. "I'm homesick, Patto. I'm not going to go until you're discharged from here, but after that, I just... can't stay. I don't even want to think about anything, let alone think about it all and try to find reasons that I should stick around. You know I would stay just for you, but you're married, buddy, and you have an awesome husband who is more than capable of caring for you. Plus Lachie and Riley are a stone's throw away. I don't feel like I'm getting better here. In fact, coming here after my accident was big giant fucking mistake. I don't want to be reminded every day that I have fuck all to get out of bed in the morning for. At least back home, I can be with the team and keep up-to-date for when I do get back to the game. I need something to focus on right now, something that isn't just a pile of shit. She screwed me over. I never had a fucking chance. All the bullshit about kismet lays and fucking bollocks. Kismet lays, my fucking arse. I was a conveniently placed cock and nothing more. She just wanted someone to screw until she got what she really wanted. You can see now why I'm not exactly an advocate of the relationship crap, no offense. You're one of the lucky ones."
Pat just listened quietly. There was no way he could judge. He knew how it felt to be cheated on after being burned in the past. It sucked, and it was one of the most hurtful things to experience. He was angry by default that Cameron had to go through that, but, "She's pregnant with your kids, Cam," he reminded him gently. "Can you really just walk away from that? Don't you even have the slightest yearning to be a Dad?"
Cameron winced internally at the sad edge Pat's tone took at the final question. "I can't even think about looking at her, Patto. I don't even know if they're mine. Right now, I'm seriously doubting they are, and I have no way of knowing for sure. How do you think that makes me feel? Then I sit here with Harri making small talk and all I can think about is that she has been left high and dry too, and she has a lot more to worry about than I do. That kid in there gets the short end of the stick because it's father is a bastard, and I realise if Isabel is having my kids and I just up and leave I'm not better than he is, but they want to play happy families. They get everything they want. He can be their father. Sperm is irrelevant. I want nothing more to do with her. They may as well have the whole uncomplicated non-closure package. If you and Aiden had a kid by whatever means and it wasn't biologically yours, would you be the father, or would you want the other biological bloke to be when he had no interest in having a kid with someone he didn't love in the first place?"
Pat gave his head the slightest of shakes and glanced away, wetting his lips. "You don't need me to answer any of that. My question would be, what if the biological bloke changed his mind down the track after it came to light the kids were his, and he maybe did want to be involved in their lives," he murmured.
"The biological bloke would just have to deal and accept, hopefully managing to find a partner that loves him and wants to be with him unconditionally without any husbands returning from the dead and waiting in the wing to make him feel like a cockhead," Cameron said bitterly and dropped back in his seat to fold his arms. "Biological shite is bullshit. Look at Luke's cousin. He's an awesome father to that baby girl, and the biological father has nothing to do with her. And what about Lachie and Tara? If biology had any bearing on parenthood in some situations, why did you offer to be their sperm donor when they thought Lachie couldn't have kids?"
"To give them everything they fucking deserved!" Pat hissed angrily as his twin struck a very raw nerve. "Sometimes it is okay to do things that don't follow the natural grain of the apparently normal world to make life just that little bit less painful! If you think with your fucking head and not your cock for just a few minutes, you would be able to work out that gestationally, she apparently got knocked up when he was in a friggen coma, you wanker! Now, I know he's supposedly an extremely talented guy, but no one is that fucking talented! Yes, I think you should go back to England, but not to damn well run away and stick your head up your arse and pretend like nothing in the last six months happened! You should go and think about where your life is headed right now! Your knee is fucked, you don't know where you stand with that, you've had your heart broken by someone who is carrying your kids, just like Harri has! Take charge of shit, Cameron, and be thankful your cock even still fucking works!"
It wasn't often that Pat actually got his bitch on and the claws came out, but when he did, he went right for the throat. Cameron was left reeling, probably even more so than if they had just resorted to a typical brotherly punch up to resolve their differences. There was no blood or bruises, but the ache left was much worse and nothing a band-aid or an ice pack would fix. He hunched forward and put his head in his hands, trying not to fold under the blow Pat's words came with. All of it was true and he had managed to forget in his own explosion of shit hitting fans that Pat was still wading through shit too, and probably would be for the rest of his life.
Pat reigned his anger back in and rested his hand on Cameron's shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. He moved on to rub Cameron's back apologetically, looking up at the ceiling in a sheer effort not to start crying. "I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry..." he told him quietly. "But if I don't pull your head out of your butt, who will?"
"Keeping pulling, Patto. I'm not quite there yet..." was Cameron's mumbled replied as the confused feeling set in even heavier than before. At any other time, the comment would have been met with sniggering about the double entendre, but these days, Cameron was wondering if he even remember how to laugh.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,720