The Flavor Of Your Lips [1/??]
It was about eight when I heard someone walk into my room. There are three people it could be. One, Rian. Two, Jack. And three, Lisa. I honestly hope its one of the first two if Lisa is here to yell at me again. But do I get my wish. Hell no. I felt her hand on my bare shoulder, seeing as I only sleep in bottoms.
“Alex, get up.” I heard a soft voice say. Yup, it's Lisa. I rolled over to her and opened my eyes. I see long brown hair and blue eyes. Definitely Lisa, or Jack's hair has gotten really long and he's wearing colored contacts.
“Hmm, what is that you need?” I asked kind of rudely. But hell, I'm tired. It was a long night last night that most of it I don't even remember. Note to self, Stop drinking. Ha, like that's going to happen, EVER!
Lisa then picked up a beer bottle that was on my bed. Fuck. She's going to start again. “What the hell's this?” She asked me. Well, it's a beer bottle, but I'm not going to say that. She'll yell and that's the last thing I need when I have a hangover.
“Um ...” Was all I could say.
“You were drinking again! Alex, we talked about this, you have to stop drinking! You smell like beer! So you spend all of your free time drinking, instead of with me!” She yelled. Damn it.
“I'll take a shower then. And it's not like I've been drinking all week. Rian wanted to throw a party, that's all.” I said to her. She still didn't believe me. “It's not like I go out and get drunk every night Lis.”
And she totally took that the wrong way. “What do you mean by that?! Are you saying I do that?!” She yelled at me. That was getting annoying and not helping my hangover. I walked over to the door.
“No, I didn't mean it like that Lis.” I said then left the room. Just hoping she would stay in there. But again, I don't get what I wish for. I could hear her from behind me.
“Don't run away from me Alex!” She yelled when we got into the kitchen.
Rian was in there too and he didn't look like he was happy about the yelling so early. I sent him a look to say I'm sorry. He just looked at me, he look said 'How the fuck did she get in here?' I shrugged.
I turned back to Lisa. “I'm not running away. I'm getting something for my head. Please, stop yelling you'll wake everyone up.” I told her. I rather not have all the guys hate me for having Lisa wake them up so early.
“Here dude.” Rian said and handed me some pills and a glass of water. I gave him a nod as a thank you.
“Don't tell me what to do! You're the one that need to fix up your act. I know you're nickname, Mr. One Night Stand King.” Lisa said and that set me off. That was years ago, way back before we started dating.
I looked at her, after slamming the glass down on the table. Good thing it didn't break. I rather not have glass in my hand. “I am not the One Night Stand King anymore! And that was a long time ago. I have never cheated on you, Lisa.” I told her but I knew she didn't believe me.
“Hey--” Rian started but got cut off.
“Stay out of this, Rian!” She snapped at him.
“Hey! Don't yell at him! This is his house too, Lisa!” I yelled at her. I hated this. I hated fighting her. I hate yelling at her. I hate her yelling at Rian. I hate that I love her so much.
“Didn't I tell you not to tell me what to do?! He does need to stay out of it!” She yelled back. This was going no where.
“That it! Get out or shut up!” I'm not going to have you both waking everyone up!” Rian said. I didn't want to get in a fight with him too, so I walked out. Grabbed Lisa's small wrist on my way out. She didn't like that, I could feel her try to pull away. I am a bit stronger then her.
“Lisa, listen. What ever you heard this time, it's wrong. I haven't had a one night stand in years.” I told her. I rather stop all of the yelling and fighting. My hangover isn't fully over yet.
I saw Sebastian but before I could say anything to him, and hopefully get Lisa off of my back that way, he ran inside. Smart dog.
She just rolled her eyes. “How can I believe anything you say?! Huh? You say you do the dishes for me, do you? No!” She brought that up. Wow. I honestly just tuned her out. She was going to fight about something stupid, then it's not use of me listening to.
I can't take it. Lisa was still going on and on. So, I took out my pack of cigarettes. I took one out and put it in my mouth. Lisa then stopped talking once I lit the end of it.
“I told you to quit! Urg! Never mind, I'm going home!” She yelled and stormed into the house. The shortest way to her car out front. I kind of wanted to go after her, but I know it's better for her to clam down at bit because I can try to make things up to her.
Soon, I was sitting on the trampoline, my back to the house. I know if anyone else came out, especially Jack, would hate to see me smoke right now. They all hate it and honestly, I do too. I just need something to clam my nerves after a fight with Lisa. The first time I ever smoked a stick in my life was when Lisa and I had a fight and I left to go out. I stopped at a cafe and there were these guys smoking. I asked for one and I smoked after a fight ever since.
“I thought you were gonna quit.” I heard an anger voice, which caused me to jump. Just great, it was Jack. He knew I was smoking and now he's pissed. I really don't need this right now.
I quickly wipe the tears, I didn't even noticed I was crying until I heard him. Turning to look at him, I knew my eyes were red and puffy, and that he was going to soften up. Just like he always does when I cry, which I try not to do when I'm around Jack or anyone for the matter.
“It helps calms me.” I told him after looking at the stick in between my thumb and index finger. I know most Americans don't smoke this way, but I do, after all, I am British. I just don't talk with my accent. I take another drag from the stick before he said anything.
“No, it'll help kill you!” He retorted back. Great, just fucking great! I don't need this shit now. I know it's killing me but it does fucking help, though right now it's not doing shit!
I roll my eyes then glare at him. “What do you want, Jack?” I demanded. Damn it. Way to fucking go. You just snapped and on Jack of all people.
His voice was quiet when he spoke again. Damn it, I didn't mean to snap on Jack like that. “What happen?” He had asked. I could tell I hurt him when I snapped. I wanted to say sorry but I just didn't. My mind was too busy trying to think of what really did just happen.
Yeah, a fight between me and Lisa but I would probably get a 'no shit' from that answer. Fuck. What was the first thing she yelled at me about? As I thought about it, I played with the strings on my hoodie.
It was about five minutes until I looked up, Jack was still there, of course. I sighed, defeated. “She's getting tired of me always being gone.” I told him, remembering the many fights about me being gone and I believe the reason she came here today.
Jack rolled his dark brown eyes. “Alex,” He began. “That's part of your job as a musician. She should be used to it by now.” He had a good point but she just didn't seem used to it by now.
I sigh and take a puff from my cigarette. I blew out the smoke from the side of my mouth, so it wouldn't get in Jack's face. I don't want him to die from lung cancer because I blew smoke in his face. “I know, Jack, but she means so much to me. I …. I love her.” I admitted. I hated to do that to Jack. After all, he and Lisa used to date. I … I think he still has feelings for her sometimes by the way he looks at her.
I watched him take a deep, shaky breath. Dear god, I'm sorry Jack. I didn't mean to do that to you. I feel horrible for taking Lisa away from you. "Lexi, you may love her but she clearly doesn't love you back if she can't support you're career-" I stopped Jack there. Of course she loves me. I know she does ….. I think.
"She supports us Jack! She goes to all of our home shows and practices!" I shouted at him. I don't remember one practice that she hasn't been at, not counting the few times she was sick and we had practice.
“Lex-”
"Jack you don't understand what it's like to love someone so much that you would die for that person!" I yelled at him. He didn't know. I would die for Lisa. Hell, I am! I'm giving myself lung cancer just trying to calm down after a fight, rather then actually cheating on her. I would never do that to her.
Before he could say anything else, out of pure anger, I continued. "You haven't had a girlfriend since you were 17! You're 21! How many years is that?" I said before I could think. I really wished I did now.
"You know nothing about me Alexander!" He yelled weakly then ran away, leaving me shocked.
No Lexi or Lex. Not even Alex. He called me Alexander. He only calls me by my full name when he's pissed/mad at me. Fuck. Fuck!
I looked at the stick, I couldn't take another puff from it. Not with Jack pissed at me like he is. I throw it on the ground and stepped on it when I get off of the trampoline. Heading into the house, it felt odd. I knew Jack wasn't in there. I knew Lisa wasn't in there. But everyone else is and I don't feel like dealing with them right now.
When I walked in, it was just Rian there. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked me. I shake my head and head back to my room. I much rather not talk to anyone today. The good thing about Rian is, you don't always need to explain yourself to him. He just let me go to my room.
But it seemed like as soon as I enter my room, I needed to explain myself. Why? Because my phone went off and it was Lisa. Thank god it was just a text.
Message one said; I don't remember the last time we did something together. Just me and you. That all I wanted but no. You go and start a fight with me!
Message two said; How dare you not answer me! I'm trying to make things work with between us and you just ignore me! I see how it is, Alexander Gaskarth!
Message three said; Don't you dare try telling me your sorry after ignoring me this much! I bet you're just drinking with Rian and Jack again. You know what, have fun with that! Let me know when you're going to be a man and say you're sorry!
And the last one she just sent me was; You know this is all of your fault. Just say sorry and I'll put it all behind me.
Was it really my fault? I … I guess I could have just hung out with her last night instead of getting drunk with the guys. Though this has been the first time we could relax in a while. God, I'm an idiot. I'm going to lose her this way. Fuck.
I'm so sorry, Lisa. I promise. As soon as I can, we will do something. Just the two of us.
I texted her. Hopefully that will fix things that I fucked up. Now to fix the one with Jack. I should probably do that one in person. Rather not fuck up over the phone. So, I went to my bathroom to clean up. Shave, brush my teeth, do my hair, all of that good stuff. Even empty the water tank, that was surprisingly full from all of the beer last night.
I then heard my phone go off again. Probably another text from Lisa. Hopefully it's good news. I don't want anymore trouble with her. Or maybe it's Jack. He doesn't usually stay mad at me, then again, he doesn't always call me Alexander when he's pissed. I just hope we can clear things up. I don't know what I would do without my best friend.
The message I got was from neither Lisa or Jack. It was from Matt. He wanted everyone to come back over (talking about back at mine and Rian's place) and talk about Bamboozle that's coming up in a few months. Well, at least now I have a reason other then just to say ‘sorry’ to go to Jack's place. I wonder if Danny Reedy, the bitch that's one Jack's friend that's a few years younger then him, is there. He usually spends time with Jack when we are home.
Not too much later, I walk out of the house. After telling Rian and Zack that Flyik is coming over. I get in my shiny black Range Rover. I see my gray beanie in the seat next to me. So, that's where it was. I put it on my head and turned on the engine. My iPod was plugged in, the song on was All The Small Things by Blink-182. God, this is a good song and a damn good band.
***
Once I got there, I pulled up behind Jack's car and cut the engine, killing my music but oh well. I needed to tell my best friend that I'm sorry. While I was driving, I got a few messages. I didn't read them because my mind was already busy with what I was going to say to Jack. I didn't need to read a text and have more of a chance to get into an accident.
As I walked up to the door, I stopped at Jack's car and leaned on it. The messages I got were from Lisa.
I just tried calling the house phone.
What? Are you going to ignore me now?! What happen to me and you doing something!?
Sorry's not going to work this time!!!!
That last one got me the most. What if Jack said that to me? What else could I do? I need Jack. He's my best friend. We’ve been there for each other in all of the ups and downs. Though, I'm a horrible best friend. Look at me. I'm dated his ex-girlfriend. His last girlfriend, I think. Pretty close to it at least.
Then, I think I hear the door open and close. I look up from my phone, Lisa's message, and look around. I soon found Jack's dark brown eyes. He looked like he was still upset. I don't blame him. It's all my fault.
"What are you doing here Alex?" He said then sighed, didn't look like he was going to move to leave his spot about five feet away from me. Damn, that can't be good.
"I came to apologize." I told him, then put on some shades. I couldn't stand seeing him mad at me, so I used the shades to cover it up. That and it's kind of bright out here.
He titled his head when asked, “What for?” He looked seriously confused. Why else would I apologize to him. Oh god, please don't tell me there was something else I did to upset him.
I gave him my best, are you fucking crazy look. “Yelling at you.” I stated matter-of-factly.
He shrugged. “It's not a big deal.” He said, like … well, like it's not a big deal.
I looked at him skeptically. It was too a big deal. He called me Alexander. I smoked in front of him. I yelled at him.
“Really, I swear.” He said and raised his hands in defense. Okay, though he's a guy, that was cute. Seriously, who does that anymore?
I just nod my head. If he put it behind him, so can I. And I did. "Come on. Flyzik wants to talk to everyone about Bamboozle." I said and held out my hand for him to take. I knew if everything was truly cool, he would take my hand. His hand was very warm once he took mine. Even shocked me a little. Well, that's what I think it was.
Once at my Rover, I let go of Jack's hand. My hand seem colder then normal. Weird. Whatever. I just get in and pull out once Jack was in. I heard The Maine on. So, that's where my iPod left off at. My mind began to wander to what Jack said about Lisa not loving me. I couldn't help but wonder if that was true or not. I hope not. I love Lisa with everything I have. But, she doesn't seem to feel the same way. Other wise, we wouldn't be having these fights. I mean, Rian and Kara don't get into fights like we do.
"Look, Lex, I'm s-" He said. I smiled a bit that he called me Lex. We truly were back to normal, so there's no way I'm going to let him apologize for something that's my fault.
"Don't worry about it, Jack-O, you were right." I said and waved my hand in his direction, dismissively. He was right. But, it doesn't help that I love her so much.
"But..."
“No,” I stated firmly. He should get it by now. I'm serious. He's forgiven. But, I don't feel like I should be forgiven. I yelled at him. I date his ex-girlfriend. I still smoke when I promised him that I would stop. And yet, he still forgives me. He's the best friend a guy could ask for.
“What's wrong?” He asked me as I parked the car at mine and Rian's house. I took off my sunglasses as I believe he was looking at Rian's Ninja parked in front of us. Yeah, that's where his eyes were as I studied him.
How did he lose Lisa? Honestly, for a guy, he's hot. How his black hair falls across his forehead, his deep, dark brown eyes. Even his Jewish noise, though he's not Jewish, it all works for him. Why did they ever break up?
"Alex?" Jack asked cautiously, like I was going to jump him or something.
I shake my head to snapped out of it and blink really fast. “What?” I asked him, still a little dazed. Note to self; It's not a good thing to daze out like that.
“What's wrong?” He asked me again.
“Nothing, just thinking.” I said, turning away and starting to pick at my nails. It was another weird habit I have. But, at least it's better then smoking, right?
“'Bout what?” I heard him ask. I could picture him titling his head to the side again. It's always cute when he does that.
I hesitated about my answer. Should I really ask him or just blow it off. It was a long time ago, does he even remember still? I exhale and continued to look down.
“Why did you and Lisa break up?”
“Cause she fell in love with my best friend.” He whispered before getting out of the car. I just barely heard him. Was he talking about me or someone else? I know, Lisa and I started dating not too much later after they broke up. Was it because of me? I don't know.
I just shake my head and go inside to hear about the details on tour this year.