Comments | sexifulness: We either make it...

sexifulness

We either make it...

Mar 24, 2009 20:52

The way that smile is planted on her face could get her confused with a porcelain doll ( Read more... )

caitlyn decides to write again, el jay makes me happy

Comments 11

ahmonduh March 25 2009, 01:02:25 UTC

OMGOSH OMGOSH
I LOVE YOUR WRITINGGGGG

sexifulness March 25 2009, 01:25:50 UTC

very helpful criticism, thank you.

epigaea March 25 2009, 01:14:53 UTC

♥ _____ ♥
This is brillianttttttttt. ILIT. I have no concrit for you, bb, sorry to sayyy.

sexifulness March 25 2009, 01:26:46 UTC

WHY CAN NO ONE HELP MEEE?
but esp you! you ALWAYS have something to say

epigaea March 25 2009, 01:34:49 UTC

Okay, if you really want me to be nit-picky, geez.

The way that smile is planted on her face could get her confused with a porcelain doll
With green eyes that shine like glass, they are the entranceway into her soul

These are two different tenses. Choose one, stick with it.

When she walks, she flows, similar to an ocean breeze

The use of similar here is slightly awkward. I'd go with 'like,' as dumb as that seems now.

Happy? :)

sexifulness March 27 2009, 22:13:19 UTC

no -_-

emmyatthedisco March 25 2009, 01:49:18 UTC

good bb!
*snuggles*

only thing i can give construction wise is watch out of tense shifts. but i do that too so... =D

sexifulness March 27 2009, 22:12:42 UTC

thanks so much :) i still dont think im that awesome of a writer but my friends seem to like it so...

SNUGGLES?!? *clings to my bb*

i do it so much. gah D:

emmyatthedisco March 27 2009, 22:16:37 UTC

you are though!

*snuggles forever*

i do to, trust me. Soph just catches most of my fail. lol

(The comment has been removed)

sexifulness March 27 2009, 22:11:10 UTC

Thank you so much bb.
If i actually had any, then id gladly give it to you :)

sexifulness March 27 2009, 22:11:44 UTC

our icons match now :D
YAY JWALK!