The Gift of Fic #1
Title: A Lovely Day for a Picnic
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Eleven, Amy/Rory
Word Count: 1198
Rating: PG-13 (juvenile sexual humor)
Summary/Prompt: Eleven, Amy, Rory (either Amy/Rory or Eleven/Amy/Rory, or just friendship amongst the three, whatever you feel like) "Doctor, it all went wrong when a giant hamster wielding a gun showed up."
The Doctor toggled the toggles, switched the switches, and cranked the crank. "Right, where and when to next?"
"Another planet!"
"I've already taken you to another planet."
"Yeah, one! And Rory's never been," Amy said, grabbing her fiancé's arm. "He's only been on Earth."
"Earth's past which is more than the greater percentage of humanity can say."
"Still Earth. Earth's boring."
"Boring?!" The Doctor jumped at his companions. "That's the problem with natives. You never appreciate what your home town has to offer."
"I wasn't bored," Rory said, thinking of vampire-fish alien people, Prisoner Zero, and giant space eyes.
"See? Rory understands."
"Never mind what Rory thinks."
"Thanks."
"We need to go to a proper alien planet with proper aliens."
The Doctor frowned. "Define 'proper alien.'"
"Well, you know... Not-human nor too human-looking."
"Like with green skin and googly eye-stalks?"
"Yes! Exactly!"
The Doctor's face crumpled in disappointment. "After everything you've seen, you're still stereotyping."
"How about," Rory interjected, "we just find some place with aliens who won't try and kill us."
"Impossible."
"What?"
"On any planet with animal life, one is never completely safe from being attacked by someone or something. Travelling the universe is no more risky than crossing the street. You're always risking the possibility of being hit by an automotive."
"Oh. I guess anywhere is fine then," Rory conceded.
"I think," said Amy, "we should go somewhere we can have a nice picnic. Thick, green grass, lovely flowers, sunny."
"Ah! I know just the spot!" The TARDIS blurped, whistled, and beeped as the Doctor fiddled with its bits. There was something rather sexual about that, but Rory decided not to think about it. Amy thought about, and found it amusing, but also a little sad. It reminded her of a bloke she knew once who had a sex toy that lit-up and made sounds. He said it made the experience more fun. He was a rather lonely guy. Clearly desperately needed a boyfriend. But then maybe he would have been disappointed when the other guy's bits didn't make an amusing light show.
"Come on," Amy said, tugging on Rory's hand, "if we're to have a picnic, we're going to have to make a basket!"
She led him up one of the many sloping staircases into a colourful corridor which separated off into more corridors. "How can you possibly find the kitchen in here?"
"Normally, you just have to let it find you."
Find them, the kitchen did. By the time sandwiches were made and packed away into a wicker basket the TARDIS wheezed to a landing.
Back in the console room, the Doctor flung open the doors, spread his arms wide and announced, "Welcome to Mioriya Tertiary! Home of the galaxy's largest botanical gardens!"
Amy and Rory stepped onto the planet, looked up, and gaped. "Uh, Doctor," said Amy, "when you say 'largest' you didn't mean 'covers the largest amount of land' did you?"
Beneath their feet was brown dirt. Towering above and around them were not trees, not even alien trees really. They were thin and green and tapered to the top just like blades of grass. Very, very big blades of grass. And above them, a flower's face like a large satellite dish,was turned up towards the sun.
Amy laughed. "I feel like Alice after the bottle that said 'Drink Me.'"
"Or Gulliver in Brobdingnag," said Rory, not at all as delighted as Amy.
"I met Lemiel once," the Doctor said, marching on ahead of them, "Well, sort of. He was a manifestation of the fictional character in this place where fiction became reality."
"He's completely mad, isn't he?" Rory whispered to Amy.
"You're just now noticing?"
They found a patch of moss that served as a soft hill for them to spread out the chequered blanket. The grass provided ample shade and cover from some of the large insects flying overhead. They sounded like low-flying aeroplanes as the buzzed past. The Doctor assured them that they were harmless and Rory did not at all need to jump up and brandish his fork in their general direction.
It was in fact, a very pleasant day. After they ate, Rory and Amy snuggled together on the blanket, lightly dozing while the Doctor leaned back on his elbows, explaining how the planet developed flora and fauna in such drastic proportions.
A gruff voice ended the peaceful afternoon. "Empty your pockets, and no one gets hurt."
Everyone sat up and looked over at the speaker. On its hind legs it stood about seven feet high. Its round body was covered in short, brown fur. Its pink nose and whiskers twitched, its beady eyes narrowed. "Hands where I can see 'em," he commanded, brandishing a weapon that was unlike anything Rory had ever seen before, and yet somehow clearly a gun.
"Excuse me," the Doctor said, "but are you mugging us?"
"Yeah."
"Why does the alien furball sound Cockney?" Rory quietly asked Amy.
"Something to do with the TARDIS translating with brainwaves."
"Oi!" The alien went down on all fours and pushed past the Doctor. He stood again and grabbed the front of Rory's shirt with one hand- er- paw. "You have something to say?"
"No! No! Just getting clarification." He swallowed. "It's my first time here."
"Tourists, eh?" The alien chuckled. "Easy pickings."
"Look, matey," the Doctor turned the alien's attention back to him. "We don't have anything you'd want. We don't have any Mioriyian currency on us."
"Oh, I'm sure you have something nice and shiny, can fetch me a price." He lumbered towards the Doctor. "Here, what's that thing poking out your trousers?"
Knowing full well it wasn't the time nor place for it, Amy snorted. This, the Doctor knew, is why he normally kept his sonic screwdriver in his jacket pocket. The fluffy alien reached out with a greedy hand. Now, no one was allowed to touch the Doctor's screwdriver without his permission. But any protests would more than likely have been met with violence.
There was only one thing for it. "Amy? Rory?"
"Yes?" The answered together.
"On my mark..."
The alien lifted his gun. "Don't you try nothing."
"One. Tw- RUN!"
The trio bolted, leaving their picnic supplies behind. The alien squeaked in rage. They dodged red laser blasts as they ran back to the TARDIS.
"So much for the nice picnic!" Rory shouted, running up the ramp.
The Doctor slammed the door shut behind them. He panted, wide-eyed. "I don't know how it all went wrong!"
"Doctor, it all went wrong when a giant hamster wielding a gun showed up!"
"Ah, yes." He dashed to the console and prepared for take-off, wincing as lasers slammed against the doors. "How about some place nice? How do you two feel about Brazil?"