[chuchama] contest category: 10000
a/n: Somehow, I still managed to not post this on time even after ASKING about when I needed to get it in by yesterday/two days ago. My fail knows no bounds. Anyway, this isn't so much about winning cool prizes as it is about improving my writing and seeing if I could write 10000 words about one subject in a relating stoyline. I managed to, surprisingly. It was...interesting to do. And yet, I still didn't come up with a title, BECAUSE I FAIL.
Alright, total word count is 13,539 and if there are still any mistakes hidden in this thing, I'm sorry it was overlooked.
-
Changmin would be lying if he says he isn’t scared when he finds out that he’s going to be debuting with four other boys. It’s not that he hasn’t met the others before and it’s definitely not that he isn’t thrilled about debuting and he isn’t complete strangers with his future group or anything, (he knows Yunho hyung and Jaejoong hyung plenty well and he’s seen Junsu hyung around with his not quite but almost other twin Hyukjae hyung and Yoochun hyung from the United States is a little more familiar to him than a stranger would be, at least, and that is somewhat comforting) it is just, well…
It’s been a dream to debut for the past what seems forever - months and months and months that have turned into two years of training, two years of fantasizing - and now that it is a reality, it has a frightening tangibility to it. Like it is possible that they might actually try and painfully fail.
But Changmin doesn’t want to think of it like that, so just focus, he tells himself, focus on the fact that he and four other people are debuting and that they have a lot of work to do to get ready for it.
Debut. D-day, in its own little way.
Despite the looming darkness of it all, he is still exhilarated about the whole thing, because this is the start of their careers and it is amazing and exciting, especially when he knows people like Junsu hyung (now going to be a bandmate of his and isn’t that strange?) have been a trainee for years upon years and people like Jungsu hyung have been a trainee for just as long and are even older than Jaejoong hyung (who is going to be the eldest in his group, their group, their group, even the thought feels foreign in his head) and still aren’t sure if they are ever going to get out of the training academy and into the entertainment world.
That, Changmin has determined a not so long ago, is an even more terrifying aspect than the thought of messing up in front of thousands of fans with so many expectations and opinions.
-
Preparing for debut has been one of the most draining experiences of his life, he is sure of it. Changmin can’t even recall most of it clearly, truth be told - it all blurs into late nights in the recording booth and months of tiring dance practices and vocal lessons, one after another after another, and then barely remembered cramming sessions for school after that.
And then, much too soon, it is time, time for all that effort, all the sweat and tears and preparation to show if they are really made out for the business, if they are made out to get more fans than they will be able to handle and are made out to prevail.
It is time to sink or swim, to prove themselves to everyone or else.
Hours later, after costume changes and a tired silent car ride back to their shared apartment (which is now home and it is so so odd to call it that, when home used to be with mom and dad and his two younger sisters, when home used to be where he wakes up to the smell of his mother cooking in the morning and the sounds of his sisters giggling in his ear as they pile on top of him in his bed, rather than to the loud screams as Yoochun and Junsu fight over the shower and Yunho attempts to drag Jaejoong out of bed for an always too long, too tiresome day), all the night of their first performance brings to mind - rather than the sweet taste of success and achievement and sighs of yes, finally, we did it, we’re here - is anxiousness, bundled nerves, shaky hands, and sweaty palms.
But as the five of them tumble into a heap of bodies on one of their beds, and no one can really tell whose it is in the dark, it all starts to feel a little closer to what home is supposed to be like.
-
Soon enough, as schedules pick up and life becomes all about getting to a million places at once on time to build up and appease a flourishing fanbase, Changmin wants a system because systems work and he really needs something that works.
So he focuses on the easy things; learning songs, learning the dances for music videos and performances of those songs, going to interviews, being on television nearly all the time, knowing what to say and when to say it while in those interviews and on television, studying, doing homework, and excelling at every single one of these things.
It is a cycle and a balance of some sort that Changmin is working very hard on perfecting.
“You have a crazy tough work ethic, Minnie.” Junsu grumbles as he curls up at one end of the couch and toys with the phone, trying to decide if he has enough energy to call and talk to Junho, “I’m worn out as it is, and I don’t have to worry about having a test the next day or an exam at the end of the term or anything.”
“Uh huh.” Changmin says, distracted, and doesn’t even look up from his textbook, highlighter a furious tool swiping over keywords in passages as he skims for important information.
“I wonder how he does it?” Jaejoong half sings as he twirls through the living room on his way to the kitchen for some late night food scavenging, “I was a horrible student and that was without the hectic schedules and live performances and worrying if my hair looked alright every second of the day and making sure no one caught me while I was blinking or else suffer the millions of bad hair day pictures over the Internet.”
Changmin snorts at that, highlighter pausing as he flips a page. “You were just stupid and a bad student, that’s all.”
There is a pause before Jaejoong loudly squeals indignantly and hops over the couch, landing directly on top of the youngest member in a body slam of sorts. “You little brat!”
“Stop stop! You’re destroying my notes and textbook! Junsu hyung, do something!”
“I am far too tired to even move.” Junsu moans and clutches the phone to his chest pathetically to emphasize his point, then blinks at the sound of a crack and groan from Jaejoong’s and Changmin’s jumbled pile of body parts on the sofa.
Unsure of the source of both noises and if it is something serious, such as maybe a bone breaking, he gathers up enough energy to lift his head and bellow, “YOOCHUN, YUNHO, JAEJOONG IS THREATENING OUR GROUP BABY’S LIFE, COME HELP PLEASE OKAY THANK YOU I LOVE YOU BOTH. EXCEPT NOT REALLY, YOOCHUN, YOU ACTUALLY REALLY SUCK. A LOT.”
After a minute of grunting and struggling between Changmin and Jaejoong with Junsu watching them with something akin to interest, Yunho comes walking leisurely into the living room (and Yoochun belatedly calls back from the work room, “SHUT UP YOU STUPID DOLPHIN, YOU ARE MUCH TOO LOUD TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED RIGHT NOW I HATE YOU.” At which Junsu gives an injured dolphin squeak and threateningly waves the phone in what he assumes is Yoochun’s general direction somewhere down the hall) and, as Changmin gains an upper hand, Jaejoong yelps and falls onto the floor on his rear.
Yunho frowns at Jaejoong’s collapse onto the floor, crossing his arms disapprovingly. “BooJae, what did we say about abusing the dongsaeng?”
Jaejoong stares up at the leader from his sprawled position on the carpet. “…to not do it? But - that’s not even fair, he just hit me with his book and bit me! Why do you always take his side just because he’s younger?”
“I did nothing of the sort?” Changmin pokes out his lips and tries to look innocent and convincing; it usually works with Yunho and only Yunho, but that is kind of okay, seeing as he is leader and all. “Besides, Jae hyung, you’re the oldest, you should know better than to bully me. And anyway, you instigated it.”
“I instigated it?” Jaejoong growls and sits up, reaching menacingly for Changmin’s ankles, “I’m still going to kill you one day behind Yunho’s back and while everyone is looking the other way!”
Changmin screams and scrambles over the couch back and out of Jaejoong’s reach, running past Yunho with wildly thrashing arms…
…And straight into Yoochun, who is trotting his way down the hallway while humming to himself.
This results in the two of them becoming a mass of twisted and flailing appendages on the ground with nasty bumps on their heads where they’ve collided.
“You know,” Jaejoong chides quietly a few minutes later as he attempts to help Yunho treat their wounds, sounding far too amused to really give off the caring compassionate feel he is probably aiming for, “Next time you two try to traverse the hallways, you might want to use your eyes and look. You know, to avoid bumping heads with each other. Ha ha ha.” He pauses and frowns, seemingly surprised at his own escaped giggles. “…I mean. Yeah.”
Yoochun glares, but apparently can’t decide if Changmin or Jaejoong is the better target, so settles for Junsu.
Junsu pouts at him in return. “Why are you looking at me like that? I didn’t even do anything! I’m innocent!”
“And ugly.” Yoochun mumbles under his breath before giving Changmin a hard shove.
Changmin lets out a less than masculine squeak (but he is the group’s baby, he reminds himself, so it is totally fine for now because it is cute) before shoving back and grumbling, “Hey, watch it.”
Yoochun is obviously about to shove him again, preemptively making a big dramatic show of it, when Jaejoong smacks them both right upon their bruised heads.
(They inhale sharply at this: “Ouch hyung!” “Ow, you know what, I’m filing best friend abuse against you, you vindictive hussy!” This only earns Yoochun a second clout, “I am not a woman, you bastard. After all, I’m not the one who always cries.” Yoochun puffs up his cheeks and looks away at this.)
“Look,” the oldest fusses, “Stop moving so I can figure out where the swelling is the worst so I can direct Yunho exactly where to put the ice packs when he gets back with them so he can give me a pat on the back and praise me for being helpful and then let me off with not doing the dishes next time it’s my turn.”
Yoochun, instead of listening, turns his glare to Changmin, who, of course, glares right back. Jaejoong just smacks them again.
“Being let off kitchen duty aside, you both,” he informs them casually, “are very very big idiots.”
“Well, I hate you now.” Yoochun mumbles under his breath and Changmin isn’t too sure if it is directed at him or Jaejoong.
He has an inkling of a feeling that it is intended for him, though.
-
Changmin soon finds out that, whether his hyung is joking about it or not, Yoochun hating him (while, truth be told, really is not terribly upsetting or discomforting or anything,) is not the most pleasant thing in the world.
Everyone in the band knows that Junsu can take it - in fact, Junsu is used to it and even expects and reciprocates it. But, Changmin thinks desperately as Yoochun laughs at something Jaejoong says and whisks right past him out the practice studio for their break, now successfully not looking at Changmin once at all that day, at least Junsu knows that Yoochun doesn’t really really mean all the hurtful things he says and does. After all, silence hurts more than words because you can’t fend it off.
And anyway, for all Changmin knows, Yoochun actually really does hate him and now plans on never talking to him again while the band is together. And that, he knows, is horrible for group dynamics and in turn, Changmin thinks frantically, will make him be the sole reason for their early breakup and then in turn will make him the prime target for many angry fans.
There is no way he is going to let that go down without a fight, he vows obstinately as he goes to follow Yoochun out the room.
-
“Um.” Changmin says as the other glares at him harshly, obviously embarrassed. “You’re. Crying. Why…?” He trails off at the malicious glint in Yoochun’s eyes. Okay then, Changmin thinks hastily at that, never mind then.
There is a strained silence before Yoochun takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for moment. When he opens them again, the shimmer of hostility is dulled (a bit).
“Dongsaeng,” He says pleasantly enough, despite the intense wetness of his eyes and cheeks and the tears still sliding down his face, “Please kindly get the fuck out.”
Changmin gulps, then turns tail and flees the bathroom.
“What’s wrong?” Yunho asks him when he returns to the rehearsal room with a pale face and an unsavory frown.
Changmin just shakes his head in response and mentally laments on how horribly that has just now not worked out. In fact, Changmin is pretty sure he has just made something a little bit worse on accident.
-
“Yoochun hyung…”
Yoochun turns up his mp3 and keeps scribbling lyrics and treble and bass cleft notes down on a crumpled piece of paper, bobbing his head in tune to the music.
“Yoochun hyung. Please, we need to - ”
Yoochun turns up the volume even more - and Changmin can hear the steady pulse of the bass thumping from across the room - and starts to hum loudly to himself.
“Yoochun hyung!” Changmin shouts, fists clenching by his side, because this is important and can’t just be ignored and brushed off like this, “We need to talk!”
At this, Yoochun stills for a moment, pencil tapping rhythmically on the paper in front of him.
“…What,” he finally demands flatly, back still facing Changmin, “Do you want?”
Changmin clears his throat and inwardly groaned as his mind goes blank. “Er. I want. …Um. To talk?”
Yoochun spins around in his chair, eyes steely as he fixes them on the younger boy. “Yes, okay, what would you like to talk about? And can we hurry this up? I’m trying to compose something here.”
Changmin nibbles on his lip and attempts to keep the sarcasm he can now feel bubbling up (due to the, what he at least feels is overwhelmingly unnecessary, hostility) to himself.
“Yes,” he mutters, not wholly accomplishing that task, “Of course, because we wouldn’t want to keep the crying musical genius from working and completing a masterpiece, would we?”
Ohhhhh, Changmin thinks immediately afterwards, sharply inhaling and flinching at his own words and the unreadable expression on Yoochun’s face, oh, so not good.
“What - what I meant to say, I mean, was, I didn’t - ”
“Get out.”
Changmin fidgets a bit, staring down at and twiddling his fingers. “…But - ”
“Get. Out.” Yoochun spins his chair back around and goes back to writing without further adieu.
Changmin narrows his eyes at the other’s back, not at all appreciating being dismissed, especially not like this. “Well damn,” He mumbles under his breath, “Thanks for the sense of déjà vu from this afternoon, you oversensitive pussy.”
Apparently, he thinks as Yoochun’s back stiffens, he hasn’t said that quietly enough for it to go unheard and overpowered by the sound of music pounding through Yoochun’s earbuds.
“GET OUT!”
This time Changmin does slink out of the workroom and avoids the strange looks the other three members give him as he passes them by in the hall.
-
“I think,” Junsu says lightly, “That this is getting annoying. And slightly serious, maybe.”
“What?” Changmin looks up from his homework, startled. “You think so, hyung? Is it that bad?”
Junsu just gives him a look. “It’s been weeks and Yoochun’s still avoiding you and giving you the cold shoulder and the evil eye alternatively. Yes, I think so and yes, it is that bad.”
With a long drawn out sigh, he flops onto Changmin’s bed, “See, when he was just ignoring you, I’m pretty sure that Yoochun was just playing with you. But whatever you did after that, you might have actually pissed him off. Congratulations on that.”
“You think?” Changmin retorts sardonically, “And here I was just thinking he randomly decided that he didn’t like me.”
Junsu sticks his tongue out at the younger boy, rolls onto his back, and sticks his feet up in the air, wriggling his toes, being impossibly and unintentionally cute. (and Changmin is going to need to find a new personality in the group if Junsu every shows things it side in front of the cameras.)
“This whole thing,” He says, “Is grating everybody’s nerves because you both are acting like two year olds. And you know, Yunho hyung is especially worried it’ll start to show when we’re on TV and promoting and stuff and it’ll mess up our barely formed rep.”
Changmin scoffs at that. “Oh no no no, Yoochun does a pretty good job at pretending everything’s always okay when there’s a camera around. It’s becoming way too natural for him, if you ask me, which is rather suspicious and - ”
Junsu holds up a hand. “Min, do me a favor and shut up. That sort of thing is becoming natural for all of us ,as everything we do and say is overanalyzed a thousand plus times by hundreds of girls who think they actually know us, so it’s definitely not just a Yoochun thing, okay? Don’t get a chip on your shoulder over nothing.”
Changmin grumbles to himself and leans back over his work.
Junsu sighs again and rolls onto his side, staring at Changmin and making cutesy faces at the younger boy. “Please don’t start having an intra-band war with Yoochun and make this huger than it already is or needs to be. Just…ambush him in the bathroom and kiss and make up already!”
Changmin raises an eyebrow. “…Ambush him in the bathroom? Really hyung?”
“So he can’t run away from you and not hear you out.” Junsu gives him an all knowing smile and Changmin figures that he really doesn’t want to know, like, at all.
Junsu shrugs, “Look, just, work this out, please. It’s becoming unnerving for everybody unwillingly involved.”
Changmin huffs, turns back to his work, continues to jot down answers on his worksheet, and toys with the idea in the thoughtful silence the two of them sit in thereafter.