My first ficcy posting!

[sethkyne_blue]

Well, I posted this fic to the remusxsirius community but for some silly reason I didn't post it here on my own journal.

Soooo... here's the first HP fanfic I ever wrote and the first one I've ever made public.  :)

Title: Beginnings
Author: sethkyne_blue
Pairing(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sex, language
Content: Largely PWP, some fluffiness
Summary: Remus finally gets up the nerve to show Sirius how he feels.
Disclaimer: None of them are mine.  It's just as well, since I don't know that they'd ever see the light of the sun if they were mine. ;)
Author's Note(s):  This is my first fanfic posted to LJ, and actually the first HP fanfic I wrote, ever.  I did manage to sneak it to a few people, so it's not totally virgin (ha, ha), but any comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated.  Much thanks to the lovely M for her kind Beta.



He slid into the alcove pulling me behind him, laughing almost silently in uneven gasps. I drew breath to whisper and suddenly found his hand covering my mouth, his other arm pulling me back against his body. “Shhhh. Let him pass.” The words were warm and unexpected across my cheek. We both held our breath then, as the cursing and footsteps passed us by, retreating down the hall into the distance.

His arms relaxed slowly, freeing me and I reluctantly stepped out of the warmth of him. He laughed now, still quietly, holding his stomach. “That was bloody brilliant! It’ll take Snape a month to get the knots out of his knickers.” More laughter, bell-like and familiar. I shivered, hugging my arms in close.

“Here, now.” His voice held a touch of concern at which I almost winced. “All right?”

“Mmmh, fine.” I tried to smile, but my cheeks felt stiff and unresponsive.

“Moony…” He spoke it softly, a slash of light catching one brilliant eye.

“I’m fine. Really.” There was a long uncomfortable moment. Then I reached for the edge of the tapestry. “Sounds like he’s gone. We should…”

The hand on my arm stilled me, fingers tightening around my bicep. I felt a shiver start in my stomach that quickly turned into heat, radiating from his fingers.

“Moony.” It was beseeching, so gentle. I turned to face him.

That black, black hair, fair skin, bottomless eyes. I clenched my hands into fists to keep myself from reaching out to the glossy curl that just brushed his collar.

“Lord, mate… what is it?”

Someone else suddenly took over my body, because God knows I never could have done it. I felt myself twining hands in his long, disheveled hair, backing him up against the wall with my small frame and kissing him like I had wanted to for so long. I drank his mouth, slack with shock until-oh, God was it really happening?-I felt him responding to me. OhGod.ohGod.ohGod.ohGod. His tongue flicked against my teeth and the thrill turned my muscles to water. I rode a wave of helpless lust, pushing my tongue into his mouth, gripping the sides of his face like I would drown without his kiss.

I felt his body relax into the wall, his hands tracing slow circles over my back. And suddenly it was too much, too fast, too soon. My brain reeled as I pulled my mouth from his, resting my forehead against the cool stone above his shoulder. “Merlin.”

“You can say that again, mate,” he panted roughly. His breathing slowed gradually. Mine was painful through the tightness in my chest. “Moony…Moony?”

I reluctantly leaned back from the wall, but wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Moony,” he chuckled. “What’s got into you, mate?” I felt his gaze soften and then his thumb was caressing my bottom lip. I glanced at him then sharply averted my eyes. What the hell was I doing?

“I’ll tell you one thing, mate. You’re a hell of a snog.”

I looked up, taken aback for a moment until he smirked at me. We both broke into self-conscious laughter and I stepped back from him, feeling ok for the first time in months.

“Moony,” he said, the smile still in his voice.

“Yeah?” I chuckled.

“C’mere.”

I stared at him, shocked. He wasn’t smiling anymore.

His eyes fell to my lips and stayed there for a long time. When they came back to mine again they were full of dangerous promise. A bolt of heat shot straight to my groin.

“If you’re bloody fooling with me,” my voice shook, “so help me God--” Next I knew his lips were devouring mine, his tongue in my mouth again. Oh. Dear. God…

My hands, trembling with indecision, smoothed across the front of his shirt, slowly circling when I found his nipples. “Ooohhh, God, Moony!” His fingers tightened painfully at the back of my head, smashing our mouths together like he was trying to consume me.

I cautiously rocked my hips into his and was rewarded with a low growl as our erections slid against one another. Oh God, he was hard. But not as hard as me. I pressed in against him again and started a slow, lingering rhythm.

His lips dropped away from mine and his breath stuttered out against my cheek, his head rolling languidly to one side. Then he steadied himself, wrists on my shoulders, as his hips ground into me. The breath in my ear was now colored with a high, pleading moaning that was timed to our movements.

I moved my face into the curve of his neck, drinking in the intoxicating scent of his skin. Slowly, I let my tongue and lips explore the sharp edge of his jaw, nipping carefully at the sensitive flesh below his ear. His hands slid down my arms and settled on my hips, gripping me hard enough to bruise. “Aw, hell,” he spat through clenched teeth, “Don’t stop, Moony. Don’t stop.”

I gasped for breath, unable to process the fact that this was all really happening. It had to be a mistake, a beautiful wet dream-anything but real. “Sirius…” He shuddered as I whispered his name. “Should we… shouldn’t we… I dunno, go someplace?”

“Damn, man… where would we go?” He chuckled quietly, and then his breath hitched in a moan as I couldn’t resist laying a soft bite on his neck. “Do that again, mate. About twice as hard,” he snarled.

I obliged him and was rewarded with a stifled groan and fingers scrabbling at the edge of my shirt. When he finally managed to slip his hands under the hem, I thought my skin would burst into flames. His fingers were hot, the nails slightly ragged, raising goose-bumps all over as he scratched light patterns across my back. I could see a bruise forming already under the pale skin of his throat and I blushed in spite of our situation-I couldn’t help it. “Damn, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

“Did I ask you to stop, Moony?” His eyes were deep and drowning grey, full of a surprising surety that stopped me for a second. “Did I?”

“No.”

“Then don’t stop, you damn, silly bastard.” A slow smile took any sting out of the words. And I found I had to return it.

This time our mouths met softly, as if we were really tasting each other for the first time. “Moony.” His voice was almost too full for such a whisper. “God, Moony…”

I realized we were both trembling.

I molded my hand to his cheek, reveling in the softness of his skin, the faint rasp of beard at his jaw. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine. I couldn’t speak; could barely breathe. His hand came up and covered mine as I still cradled his face. “I never…”

“Padfoot!” Running footsteps echoed down the stone hallway. “Moony? C’mon, lads, I know you’re here!”

“Shit.” It was James.

We shared a brief moment of frustrated weariness before breaking our embrace. As I was about to answer James back Sirius caught my hand again and squeezed it, resolution in his eyes. “This happened, Remus.” My breath came out in a rush. “I’m not forgetting it and I’m not letting you forget it, either.” His mouth barely brushed mine one last time as he whispered a single word against my lips, “…Tonight…” I fought my desperation down as he pulled away from me, but didn’t let go of my eyes. “Tonight, Remus.”

“Here, James,” he called brightly, pulling back a corner of the curtain and slipping out into the light. “We ducked back here to dodge Snape.”

I touched my kiss-swollen lips with shaking fingertips, took a long steadying breath and joined them in the corridor. James grinned as he saw me and punched me affectionately in the arm. “Bit of a close call, eh?” he quipped, misinterpreting my rumpled appearance. I flushed scarlet and tucked in my shirt-tail where Sirius had dragged it out of my trousers, mumbling something incoherent at the floor. My hand came up self-consciously to my hair, smoothing it back from its fisted snarls. I darted a glance at Sirius, pressing my lips tightly together. His eyes were glittering with mirth as he carried on with James, but they kept flicking to mine. There was a definite blush across his cheekbones and he seemed rather preoccupied with pulling his hair against his jaw, masking the still-deepening bruise I’d left on him.

The three of us continued down the corridor heading towards lunch. My mouth formed words in response to questions, smiled at jokes, but my eyes were all for Sirius. And all I could hear in my head was, “Tonight, Remus…Tonight…”

~*~

The rest of the day passed in a blur of half-seen shapes, half-heard conversations. I was called out for it many times, especially by James, but each time I just smiled apologetically and asked for a re-cap. Eventually, everyone caught on that my brain was on other things and left me to my own devices. It wasn’t unusual for me to be so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t pay any mind to those around me; it was unusual for those thoughts to be cause for smiling and even small chuckles out of context.

As the evening drew closer, I found myself alternately shivering in shocking cold and loosening the top buttons of my shirt as waves of heat rolled over my skin. In short, I was a basket case. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed jarringly composed. The only indication I had that those insane moments in the alcove had actually happened were the long, slow glances he threw at me when no one else was looking. His gaze was almost tangible. But just when I knew I couldn’t stand just his eyes on me anymore, his face would pull into a weightless, shining grin and I would feel my mouth curving in response.

~*~

I lay in the curtain-enclosed darkness of my bed, unable to slow my racing pulse. If he didn’t come I knew I would die. If he did come… Oh God. I might die all the same. Well after midnight I lay in the very same position, waiting. A stealthy footstep creaked the loose board near the end of my bed and my heart leapt straight into my throat. What am I doing? What am I doing?

The curtain rustled slightly and a graceful, long-fingered hand slid through the gap. A black, tousled head and a toothy smirk were close behind. “Well…what have we here, then?” He was shirtless, beautiful, his skin all luminous silver and dark hollows in the moonlight. He eased his way down next to me and slid his hand across my cheek, kissing me so savagely I couldn’t contain a moan. I gasped and pulled back from him.

“Sirius! We can’t--”

“We can, and we will, Moony, my lad. I convinced James and Peter to take out James’ cloak and head off to Hogsmeade. I expect they’re trying to raid Honeydukes as we speak.” He pressed me back into the pillows. “They’ll be gone for hours.” He grinned wickedly at me as I let out a surprised laugh. “So. Dear boy,” He kissed me again, slowly this time, “You can howl as loudly as you’d like. Although,” he pulled back slightly in thought, “not too loudly. After all, we don’t need the girls wandering in out of curiosity.”

I laughed out loud then, joyously, unafraid, and then his body was on mine, holding me down, pressing into me and I thought I might lose my mind as his hands began their exploration. “Merlin, that feels bloody amazing.”

Sirius turned laughing eyes on me again, hands stilling on my skin.

I blushed, pressing my lips together. “Sorry.” I whispered.

He laughed and my heart sank.

I felt the sting in my eyes and blinked to keep from humiliating myself even more. “We don’t have to--”

“No no no. God, Moony, no. I’m not…” He paused here, sobering himself. “Remus.” He placed his hand tenderly on my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “Remus, I wasn’t laughing at you. I swear. I just…well…dammit, you’re so quiet all the time. I just wasn’t expecting you to be so--”

“I’m sorry. I won’t--”

“Hell, man. I liked it.”

“You what?”

Now it was his turn to blush again. “Damn, Moony. You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

I just looked at him, clearly bewildered.

“I liked it. I like hearing you. It makes me…It was…It was bloody brilliant, ok? I’ve always liked your voice, and well…hearing you…like that…it’s…it just… I …I like it, all right?” he finished roughly, his ears going a bit pink.

I smiled softly and lay back down on the bed. “Touch me,” I murmured, amazed. Whether by him or by myself, I couldn’t yet tell. “Touch me, Padfoot.”

He turned to me then, an undecided smile skimming his lips. His hand slid tentatively back under my pajama top, slipping up the center of my chest to slowly trace my collarbones and shoulders. I made a long sighing sound as he touched me, only slightly louder than I would have under normal circumstances. I let go, purring and groaning gently as he teased my nipples, explored each scar on my ribs and stomach. He laughed again as I squirmed and gasped, tensing as his tongue circumscribed my bellybutton. A full-throated moan was torn from me, unexpected, as his hand slid up the inside of my thigh and cradled me, ever so softly. “Oh God, yes, Moony,” he hissed, “That’s what I want to hear.” His thumb slid up and down the length of me and it was more than I could stand.

“Oh God, if you keep touching me like that…”

“If?” he breathed in my ear.

“Oh, God,” I whined, desperation filling my throat.

“Moony,” he murmured teasingly and slipped his hand down inside my pajama bottoms.

The second his fingers wrapped around me I felt the inevitability of it crashing down. “Oh, stop, Sirius… oh God if you don’t stop I’m going to--”

“I know,” he whispered and tightened his hand. “This is going to be a very long night.”

I cried out helplessly, spilling over his fist and shuddering.

As I came back to myself, I found Sirius spooned up against me, nuzzling my ear. He’d wiped his hand off on his own pajama pants and his hand lingered there, against my hip. I rolled over slightly to face him, feeling the sweat cooling in my hair, on my chest. He undid the buttons of my shirt with eager fingers, licking a slow trail along my exposed flesh. Spent…I was for the moment, but I had a feeling, with Sirius in my bed, it wouldn’t be too long before I was ready for another go. “Lie back,” I told him as I sat up, stripping off the shirt and kneeling above him. “God, you’re beautiful,” I choked out, following the curves of his chest with my eyes.

There was such a look on his face as I said those words: disbelief, joy, fear, lust, humor, longing. I leaned down and kissed him, smoothing back the hair from his flushed face. “It’s your turn now, Padfoot.” My hands swept lightly down his chest to rest on the waistband of his bottoms. I watched his face as I took hold of them.

He nodded at me, desperately. “Please, Moony… please.”

I drew down the fabric, slowly, peeling it away from his dampened flesh, just down to the middle of his thighs. I looked at him lying there, my earlier bite-mark still livid on his throat, and I was instantly hard again. But, first things first. I placed my hands carefully on either side of his hips and bent my head down. My tongue snaked out for a tiny taste, the smallest of drops there, glistening. He moaned and bucked, just from that. I smiled to myself, Who has the upper hand now, eh, Padfoot? I kissed the tip, just once and then he was in my mouth, my fingers digging into the sharp edges of his hips.

He called out sharply, almost a scream and pressed himself back into the bed. “Fuck, Moony…oh, GOD!”

His hips rolled up into my mouth and I knew I was going to make short work of him, but after all, we had all night. I slowed him a bit by pressing down firmly on his hips, allowing me to go at my own pace. Still, it was over before I felt my inventiveness challenged, sucking him long and deep one last time before he burst over my tongue and I swallowed him.

“Merlin.” Small aftershocks still shuddered his frame. “Where the hell did you learn how to do that, Moony?”

“Learn?” I looked confused. “Didn’t you ever imagine--?” I blushed hot as I realized what I was about to say.

“What is it?”

“Damn, Padfoot. I’ve been imagining doing that to you for months now. I didn’t learn it anywhere.”

He looked mildly shocked and then burst out laughing. “Really? Months?” He was teasing and I knew it.

“Sod off!” I shoved at his shoulder, sniggering a bit myself. “Tosser,” I grumbled.

He pulled himself up in a flash and had me pinned before I could even protest. I pushed up with my forearms, but he had me squarely by the wrists. He leaned down over me, his long hair brushing the sides of my face and I was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was now for all intents naked and I was still very hard. The realization didn’t help my excitement any, nor did Sirius’ unrelenting pressure on my arms. He seemed to sense the shift in my attention. With a few sharp movements he wiggled the rest of the way out of his pajama bottoms and slid a bare knee very deliberately between my thighs. “So, Moony. Any ideas on what else to do before the boys get back?” His smile was laced with equal parts sex and sweetness.

“Oh God.” That grin. “Let me up and I’ll show you.”

“Ooohhh, no, Moony, dear boy.” He leaned down close to my ear. “It’s my turn to be on top again.”

Those words closed my eyes. Fire slowly burned the length of all my limbs as they settled into my brain. Good, God, he really wants me. He wants me. Me. I could feel the flush starting in my cheeks as I opened my eyes. “Padfoot,” I said shyly. “Have you ever--?” I closed my eyes again. I couldn’t ask while he was looking at me. “Have you ever shagged anybody?” The sentence came out in a jumbled rush. I prayed he understood so I wouldn’t have to ask again.

Sirius was silent above me, but I felt the tension in his arms increase as I spoke. He was quiet for too long, forever, and I was just about to tell him, Sorry, I was just joking, when his answer came. A halting, whispered, “No,” like a single drop of water falling through space. “Have you?” His voice sounded strange, choked and husky.

My eyes opened and locked with his. “No,” I breathed.

He nodded slightly, as if to himself and slowly eased off of my wrists. As he lay down beside me, I rubbed at them absently. “Did I hurt you?” he asked with a touch of panic.

I chuckled and brushed the hair out of his eyes. “God, no.”

He smiled back and some of the tension drained out of him.

“You know. We can if you want to, but we don’t have to or anything. I mean-“ I suddenly became very interested in the pattern of the coverlet beneath us.

“No, no. I want to. I mean, I really want to-with you It’s just…” and here his cheeks burned scarlet, “I’m just not sure what to do. I mean, how to…You know.”

“I know what to do. We’ll need some stuff, but…” I trailed off.

Sirius leaned over and kissed me, sweetly, gently. His lips whispered across my eyelids, my cheeks. “What ever we need, get it. I want to do this tonight.”

I scrambled up from the bed, half in disbelief and began rummaging through my trunk. I’d found a few years back that lubrication was the secret key to blissful wanking. I had “discovered” Sirius as the most exciting star of those sessions in recent months and had been going a bit overboard. I was well stocked for the term. But, God, I never imagined that this would be my latest use of it. My head swam as I brought the tube and a small hand towel back over to the bed.

Sirius picked up the tube and began reading. “Personal…what?” He giggled, and then stopped himself when he realized he was doing it. “Damn man. You’re a bigger pervert than I realized.”

“Shut up, you stupid git.” We shared a broad smile. “This stuff is bloody brilliant for wanking. Let me show you.”

He raised an eyebrow as I carefully coated my hand and then reached for him. “Holy fuck, mate,” he burst out after just two slick pumps of my fist.

“Told you…” He got hot and hard in my hand very quickly.

“Let me try.” Grinning devilishly he snatched the tube up, layered some on his hand and reached down into my pajama pants again.

“Ooohhh Lord…”

We lay like that for long, swollen moments, slowly pleasuring each other until Sirius’ hand fell away. He wiped it off on the towel and knelt up over me, disrupting my own rhythm on him. “Let’s get these damn bottoms off you, eh?” He slid them down my legs and off, exposing my hot flesh to the air. I moaned. As he turned back, Sirius’ eyes drifted downward to look at me for the first time. I saw his own cock give an appreciative jerk at the sight and chuckled low in my throat. When his gaze came back, he was all seriousness once more. “How do we do this, Remus? Tell me what to do.”

My head fell back on the pillow. This can’t be happening. Oh God this can’t be happening. I rallied myself and gestured towards the tube. “You almost can’t use too much. You’re going to need to coat yourself and…inside me.”

Sirius hesitated for a moment.

“Use your fingers first. Slowly.”

“Ok,” he puffed out. He lubed up his hand again and after a quick slide across my cock, his fingers delved down between my legs. “Like this?” His fingers made tentative circles against me, making my hips buck involuntarily.

“Yeah… like that,” I purred. I absently noted that he must have filed his fingernails since the afternoon. His touch was smooth and warm and surprisingly deft.

Slowly he increased the pressure against me, rocking his fingertips until one began to ease its way inside.

My body tightened and he dropped his head to suckle at the tip of my cock, finger still working inside me. The tension melted under his solicitous mouth and suddenly it wasn’t enough. “Oh God, Sirius…Another, please…” Two fingers slid their aching way into me in small increments. Soon there were three and Good God I couldn’t wait anymore. “Shag me, Sirius. Oh God, do it now.”

He leaned back, wiping his hand on the towel and grabbed the tube again, smoothing it on thickly across his stiffened flesh. I opened my legs for him slightly so he could slide between them. His eyes caught mine, the pupils glinting huge and black. “Are you sure, Moony?”

“Oh God, yes. Just do it now,” I groaned. “Please!”

He positioned himself with his hand and nudged against me with just the head.

“Go slow. No matter how much I beg, go slow this time.”

“This time?” His face was flushed with nerves and excitement, but the grin was still the same. As always, I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Aren’t we presumptuous? Not even through the first one and you’re already planning the second?” Then he pressed forward with his hips and there was no room for talking for a very long moment.

His slide into me was agonizingly slow, and I was glad, with some non-fevered part of my mind, that I had cautioned him before we started. The urge to buck upwards under him was almost irresistible. It hurt, yes… but the slow, burning good kind of hurt that I knew would turn into blinding pleasure in the blink of an eye. I could feel the trembling in him as he held himself back, easing in with a gradual, controlled rocking. Before long we were both sweat-slicked with the effort. Half-way in he stopped, resting his head on one of my bent-up knees to catch his breath slightly. “Damn, Moony… will it always be this hard?”

I let out a breathy snicker. “And who’s being presumptuous now?”

He chuckled and leaned slowly over me, bracing his hands on either side of my shoulders. His kiss was salty with sweat and deep. “Just a little further now,” he quipped.

It may have been the position, or the fact that he was half-way there already, but the next few moments seemed to go more smoothly and before long his hips were settled between my thighs and we were both shuddering at the feeling.

“God, mate… I don’t think I can move now. This feels too fucking good all on its own!”

“Oh… you can, and you will,” I grated, sinking my teeth into his neck and rolling my hips up at the same time.

“Do that again, Moony,” he hissed, “and I’ll last about another five seconds. God damn this feels fucking brilliant!” He let out a half-crazed burst of laughter that dwindled down into something very like a sob.

The openness, the fullness of me settled in like a crushing weight and I couldn’t stand his motionlessness a second longer. My head spun, my breath starting in desperate pants, “Please, Sirius… Oh Merlin, I feel like I’m going to die if you don’t-“

“Ok, mate, ok.” I felt him gather himself and draw back his hips ever so slightly. He shivered as the friction tugged at him, but then steeled himself and continued his withdrawal. With only the tip left I held my breath and nodded to him frantically.

“Do it.”

As he slid home once again we both let out a long, dramatic moan, his frequently punctuated by a mantra of “Fuck...fuck…fuck” through gritted teeth.

After that first stroke, we both warmed to it and it became easier. Of course there was the awkwardness of where to put our hands, where did our legs go? At one critical point Sirius’ nose started running and we both burst into helpless laughter when he realized that he didn’t have any hands free to wipe it. It was messy and it was embarrassing and it was beautiful… because it was us. Just us.

All things considered, it really didn’t last that long. Sex draws out time the way that a really good book shortens it. We lived in that precious span of minutes with every nerve alert, every sense heightened. And then reality burst open over us.

“Oh God…Moony…I’m…oh, I can’t…Aw, fuck…” His thrusts became more erratic, deeper, faster.

“Hold on, Padfoot,” I panted. “Just let me get there too.” My hand came up to touch myself, starting a relentless, punishing rhythm on my aching flesh.

“Wish I could do that for you, mate,” came Sirius’ guttural response.

“Damn, man. You’re doing plenty…Oh, fuck, Sirius!” And I was coming hard, pulsing over my stomach and his. A moment later he followed me down into bliss, his whole body going rigid as he came, driving himself deep one last time.

He collapsed on me unceremoniously, breath rasping. My wetness was sticky between our stomachs as he sought out my mouth for a long, thorough kiss.

“Fukkin hell, Moony,” was all he said before rolling aside onto the bed next to me.

“Quite…” I sighed, trying to maintain consciousness. I felt like I’d been turned inside out.

Our breathing slowly returned to normal and Sirius sat up, passing me the towel to clean up with as he wiped himself off with his well-used bottoms. “I should uh…” he cleared his throat as his voice caught. “Um… I guess I should be getting back to my bed before James and Peter show up, eh?”

I looked up at him and read hesitation in his face. That and something else I couldn’t pin down. “Well, yes. You probably should…” His eyes dropped and he started nodding his head, swinging his legs around to stand. “You probably should,” I said a little louder, “but you don’t have to.”

His dark head came up. “I don’t?”

“No,” I said, almost inaudibly. My mark on him was almost black in the shadow of his jaw. “I don’t want you to leave if you don’t want to.” I couldn’t believe how naked saying those words made me feel.

His eyes sparkled in the dark. “Say it again, Moony.”

I took a deliberate breath. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Then I won’t.” His joy was touchable as he swung back around and burrowed himself under the covers, spooning up against my side, tucking me in as well. He yawned like a contented cat. “I’ll just have to have a chat with James and Peter tomorrow, then. Don’t expect they’ll mind much s’long as we don’t shag too loud on a regular basis.” He chuckled sleepily into the curve of my neck. “’S a damn good thing these beds are so bloody big.” Another yawn, this one long and slow, and this time his eyes were closed. “’Night, Moony.” His breathing quickly dissolved into quiet snores.

I squeezed my eyes shut in disbelief, laughing silently in my chest. That was Sirius: frenetic, passionate, seething, asleep. Pick one. I pushed the soft black tangles off his forehead again, curled myself around him and surrendered to sleep. To sleep and whatever would come next. With Sirius, there was never any way of knowing…