In my own defense, in which you get two tales, one confession, and unanswered questions

[setfiretolife]

Several weeks ago, I had a very good date turn into a horrifically bad one. Now I did say that the spectacularly good or bad dates would get noted publicly. This is the first that I'm writing about it in a public post because well, the lack of self-defense that night seemed to add a degree of shame to the event. [NOTE: Vague allusions is all I will

Comments

[apocalypticbob]

Hav you considered taking a martial arts or self defense class? Even if you never need to use the physical part of it, part of what they do is train you to be verbally assertive so you don't have to get physically assertive. Plus, exercise, at least with the martial arts (I totally typed marital arts and had to go fix it! *laughs*)

That would be my suggestion.

[setfiretolife]

Yes. Specifically, after my Really Bad Client Encounter, I actually went to the door of a Krav Maga class. Just to the door because I was late and could hear inside that they had already started and it didn't sound like anything I wanted to interrupt so I left.

Not a proud moment. There's a different KM studio near my short sale so whenif that happens, I'll be checking that out. In the meantime, I'm still not trying to spend money.

The verbal assertion, after more thinking, is the real issue. I'll be posting about that shortly.

[sistrmoon]

Just an aside...I know that protecting your financial health is important, but you should weigh it against the risk of not having x-rays. I fully blame not having x-rays while pregnant on my resulting root-canal, which will end up being more than the x-rays(and 100-fold in pain/suffering).

I think a self-defense class is a good idea, although I know that it's one thing to yell "NO!" and defend yourself against a stranger, and quite another to do so when you're at the end of what was a perfectly lovely date gone bad. Regardless, this just seems like a communication issue at its core. When I read your account, I felt awful for you, but at the same time, couldn't help but think that he was completely ignorant of what you were feeling, because you were pretending to like it. Somehow, either in actions or words, the truth has to communicated. A self-defense class might help with that.

[setfiretolife]

Re dental:
I know how important taking care of my teeth is. I have a cavity that will be filled either on 2 April or after my closing, depending on when the short sale goes through. Right now, I have plenty of money in my bank accounts and could afford all the x-rays they wanted to take. I just need that money for closing and I don't want any large expenses on my bank statements until after closing.

Re communication:
You're dead on. He had no idea that I was upset, which I say based on his conversation with me on google chat later that week. I really wish I could have just said, "get your hand the fuck out of my hair, that hurts and I don't like it."

At the same time, his behavior was such a radical departure from his personality over dinner that I didn't know how he'd react to something like that. I'd like to think that he would have backed off but in the moment, I was afraid of how bad it could get. So, yes, self-defense class is definitely going on the short list of things to do.

[themaskmaker]

This is great post! I love your thoughts here.

[setfiretolife]

Yay forward movement? ;) :) Thanks :)