Harry/Draco Songfic, as requested by alaana_fair
Author:
sesheta_66
Title: A Long Look Back
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco, pre-slash
Warnings: None, except for internal reliving of the past. Safe for angst-wary readers. Really.
Summary: Draco and Harry each take an objective look back on the last six years of their lives, and what influence/impact they have made on each other. Based on the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank, and as requested by alaana_fair. Hope you like it, hon!
Disclaimer: Song lyrics by Hoobastank. Harry, Draco, and the HP universe belong to JK Rowling & her publishers. I merely "borrow" them for fun, not profit.
Author's notes: This is the first songfic I've ever done. My plot bunny (relentless thing, he is) saw the request, and wouldn't let me rest until it was done. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comments, as always, are welcome.
A Long Look Back
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Draco sat in the living room at Spinner’s End, replaying everything in his mind. How did he get to this juncture in his life? The last thing he remembered seeing was Potter throwing hexes at Snape. Potter fighting while Draco ran. Typical. Wasn’t he always running, after all?
When Draco stopped to think about it - really think about it - things crystallized. He realized that Potter wasn’t what he had thought all along. His father’s words rang clear in his mind, not only because he had had time to think about things, but because he had heard the same words over and over again for years.
Lucius had described Potter as unworthy, spoiled, swollen-headed, attention-seeking, and other less-than-pleasant things. And hadn’t Draco thrown all those words and more in Potter’s face over the years? Called him names, thought him unworthy, tormented him at every turn? And worst of all, he had taunted him because his parents had been killed by the Dark Lord.
Draco replayed the past six years over in his mind. First year, Potter almost died to save the wizarding world from the Dark Lord. Second year, Potter almost died, this time to save Ginny Weasley from Tom Riddle, and to save the wizarding world from the Dark Lord once more. Third year, Potter spent the year thinking his godfather betrayed his parents and wanted to kill him. In the end, though the truth wasn’t known until much later, Potter had saved his godfather from the Dementor’s kiss. Fourth year, Potter almost died again. The Dark Lord came back, using Potter’s blood, and then duelled with him. Potter escaped, managed to bring Cedric Diggory’s body back to his parents, and tried to warn the wizarding world of the Dark Lord‘s return. Fifth year, Potter had been tortured by a crazy witch who took pleasure in making his life as miserable as possible. Yet Potter still triumphed, and managed to lead a group of students to thwart the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters again, sending Draco‘s father to Azkaban in the process. Sixth year, it was the Death Eaters, that Draco himself had let in, that Potter had fought.
As he thought about the role he had played in Potter’s torment these past years, beginning with his taunting, cajoling, and torment of the other boy, and ending with his letting the Death Eaters into Hogwarts, Draco felt bile rise up in his throat, and he ran to the washroom.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
It took a while, but after a few weeks, Draco had made up his mind. He hoped it wasn’t too late, but he needed to do something. He needed to show Harry - sometime after the second or third week, he had stopped thinking of him as Potter - that he had been wrong. To the best of his knowledge, Draco had never apologized to anyone but his father in his lifetime. Well, given the opportunity, he was going to change that.
After he replayed his own involvement in Harry’s misery, his thoughts turned to his father. He had mimicked his father, parroted his father, done his father’s bidding, and tried to follow in his father’s footsteps. It sickened him to think of Lucius this way, but it seemed that his father had thought of Draco as one of his minions. Oh, he wrapped in all up in a blanket of family loyalty, Malfoy duty, and pure-blood supremacy, but in the end Draco was merely a means to an end. He was a way in, a way to get to Harry Potter. And Draco had allowed it to happen. Well, no more. He would make his own way, be his own man. Even if he had to pay for his misguided actions by going to Azkaban, he would never again be Lucius Malfoy’s weapon.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
Ever since Dumbledore’s death, and the closing of Hogwarts, Harry spent his time at Privet Drive thinking. He was awaiting word on Fleur and Bill’s wedding, but while he waited he thought. He remembered the night as if it were only yesterday. He remembered hearing Dumbledore’s words, and watching Draco’s resolve crumble away. He saw two broken men that night, and he wasn’t quite sure which was more damaged. At least Dumbledore could rest in peace now.
Harry replayed his life since joining the wizarding world, and the role that Malfoy had played in it. First year, Malfoy had offered Harry his hand in friendship, only to be turned away. Harry wondered how he could have missed or forgotten the look of hurt and disappointment in Malfoy‘s eyes that day on the train. Second year, Harry had automatically assumed it was Malfoy behind the opening of the Chamber. He and Ron had infiltrated the Slytherin dungeon, invaded their privacy, on a too-quick judgement by Harry. Third year, it was he, Harry, who had bullied the bullies. He had flung mud at Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle from behind the safety of his invisibility cloak. Brave Gryffindor heroics, to be sure. Fourth year, he had absolutely savoured the humiliation that Malfoy endured after being turned into a ferret. He got a lot of mileage out of that one, and Ron still referred to him as “Ferret”. Fifth year, Harry wasn’t satisfied with sending Lucius Malfoy to prison. No, he had to take great pleasure in rubbing salt in Draco’s wounds. The man WAS his father, after all - what had Harry been thinking? In sixth year, Harry was a man obsessed. There was no other word for it. He stalked Malfoy relentlessly, and that day in the washroom, when Malfoy was obviously at his weakest, Harry had almost killed him. Oh, God, he would relive the sight of Malfoy’s blood pooling on the washroom floor every night in his dreams - nightmares, actually - until the day he died, he was sure of it.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
The more he thought about Draco - Malfoy was his father’s name, and Harry no longer wanted to think of him as merely an extension of Lucius Malfoy - the more he realized that Draco had been stuck in his own version of his destiny, just like Harry had. Unfortunately for him, Draco was the son of one sick wizard. Harry remembered Lucius Malfoy’s words over the years, his tone of voice, his sneer. He hadn’t seen him very often, but Harry could tell that Draco tried very hard to be like his father. Harry wondered now if that was the only way he felt worthy of the older Malfoy’s love.
The knowledge that Harry had assumed Draco was just like Lucius sickened him now. Draco was no more the man that had licked Voldemort’s feet than Harry was the attention-seeking prat that Lily Evans had detested. Draco wasn’t the Death Eater right-hand of evil any more than Harry was the boy who had bullied the teenage Snape back at Hogwarts. Oh, Draco was not some sweet, misunderstood young boy. But then neither was Harry, if he was truthful with himself. Harry had started life with a good family that got torn away from him. But what, really, did Draco have? Harry hoped that Draco’s mother had shown him love and compassion. But Harry had seen her sister Bellatrix in action. He shuddered at the thought of family functions at Malfoy Manor. Harry vowed to follow through with Dumbledore’s offer, if it was the last thing he did. Everyone needed to be given a chance, and who had really ever given Draco that?
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
When Snape showed up at 12 Grimmauld Place eight weeks after Dumbledore’s death, one week after Bill and Fleur’s wedding, and with one Draco Malfoy in tow, he received a cold welcome.
Reluctantly, the members of the Order had to respect Dumbledore’s dying wish. He had left, along with his pensieve, memories of conversations and promises made with Snape. His loyalty had never waned. In the end, as he had prepared to end the life of the greatest wizard who ever lived, Snape’s look of disgust wasn’t at the weakened wizard before him as Harry had once thought. It was at the thought of what he was about to do - what he HAD to do. To save a young man’s soul, to ensure his placement as a spy against Voldemort, and ultimately to put a dying man out of his misery, Snape took Albus Dumbledore’s life.
Dumbledore had left a letter explaining everything for Harry and one for each member of the Order, to be sure that there was no question about Snape’s loyalty. Still, Snape had stayed away for as long as he could. Until now. Until tonight.
As Harry approached the door, Draco’s eyes met his. Both grey and green had pain, regret and sorrow behind them. Both had seen too much pain, too much death, just … too much for such young men. They were young men with old souls.
As Harry reached out his hand to offer friendship, Draco furrowed his eyebrows, looking between Harry’s hand and his face. It was the day on the train all over again, in reverse, but what would happen now? As Draco looked into the other man’s eyes, Harry nodded and gave him a smile - the first genuine smile he had ever directed at the blonde. Draco smiled back and took Harry’s hand. There would be time to talk later. Now was the time for forgiveness and a fresh start.
sesheta_66
Title: A Long Look Back
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco, pre-slash
Warnings: None, except for internal reliving of the past. Safe for angst-wary readers. Really.
Summary: Draco and Harry each take an objective look back on the last six years of their lives, and what influence/impact they have made on each other. Based on the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank, and as requested by alaana_fair. Hope you like it, hon!
Disclaimer: Song lyrics by Hoobastank. Harry, Draco, and the HP universe belong to JK Rowling & her publishers. I merely "borrow" them for fun, not profit.
Author's notes: This is the first songfic I've ever done. My plot bunny (relentless thing, he is) saw the request, and wouldn't let me rest until it was done. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comments, as always, are welcome.
A Long Look Back
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Draco sat in the living room at Spinner’s End, replaying everything in his mind. How did he get to this juncture in his life? The last thing he remembered seeing was Potter throwing hexes at Snape. Potter fighting while Draco ran. Typical. Wasn’t he always running, after all?
When Draco stopped to think about it - really think about it - things crystallized. He realized that Potter wasn’t what he had thought all along. His father’s words rang clear in his mind, not only because he had had time to think about things, but because he had heard the same words over and over again for years.
Lucius had described Potter as unworthy, spoiled, swollen-headed, attention-seeking, and other less-than-pleasant things. And hadn’t Draco thrown all those words and more in Potter’s face over the years? Called him names, thought him unworthy, tormented him at every turn? And worst of all, he had taunted him because his parents had been killed by the Dark Lord.
Draco replayed the past six years over in his mind. First year, Potter almost died to save the wizarding world from the Dark Lord. Second year, Potter almost died, this time to save Ginny Weasley from Tom Riddle, and to save the wizarding world from the Dark Lord once more. Third year, Potter spent the year thinking his godfather betrayed his parents and wanted to kill him. In the end, though the truth wasn’t known until much later, Potter had saved his godfather from the Dementor’s kiss. Fourth year, Potter almost died again. The Dark Lord came back, using Potter’s blood, and then duelled with him. Potter escaped, managed to bring Cedric Diggory’s body back to his parents, and tried to warn the wizarding world of the Dark Lord‘s return. Fifth year, Potter had been tortured by a crazy witch who took pleasure in making his life as miserable as possible. Yet Potter still triumphed, and managed to lead a group of students to thwart the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters again, sending Draco‘s father to Azkaban in the process. Sixth year, it was the Death Eaters, that Draco himself had let in, that Potter had fought.
As he thought about the role he had played in Potter’s torment these past years, beginning with his taunting, cajoling, and torment of the other boy, and ending with his letting the Death Eaters into Hogwarts, Draco felt bile rise up in his throat, and he ran to the washroom.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
It took a while, but after a few weeks, Draco had made up his mind. He hoped it wasn’t too late, but he needed to do something. He needed to show Harry - sometime after the second or third week, he had stopped thinking of him as Potter - that he had been wrong. To the best of his knowledge, Draco had never apologized to anyone but his father in his lifetime. Well, given the opportunity, he was going to change that.
After he replayed his own involvement in Harry’s misery, his thoughts turned to his father. He had mimicked his father, parroted his father, done his father’s bidding, and tried to follow in his father’s footsteps. It sickened him to think of Lucius this way, but it seemed that his father had thought of Draco as one of his minions. Oh, he wrapped in all up in a blanket of family loyalty, Malfoy duty, and pure-blood supremacy, but in the end Draco was merely a means to an end. He was a way in, a way to get to Harry Potter. And Draco had allowed it to happen. Well, no more. He would make his own way, be his own man. Even if he had to pay for his misguided actions by going to Azkaban, he would never again be Lucius Malfoy’s weapon.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
Ever since Dumbledore’s death, and the closing of Hogwarts, Harry spent his time at Privet Drive thinking. He was awaiting word on Fleur and Bill’s wedding, but while he waited he thought. He remembered the night as if it were only yesterday. He remembered hearing Dumbledore’s words, and watching Draco’s resolve crumble away. He saw two broken men that night, and he wasn’t quite sure which was more damaged. At least Dumbledore could rest in peace now.
Harry replayed his life since joining the wizarding world, and the role that Malfoy had played in it. First year, Malfoy had offered Harry his hand in friendship, only to be turned away. Harry wondered how he could have missed or forgotten the look of hurt and disappointment in Malfoy‘s eyes that day on the train. Second year, Harry had automatically assumed it was Malfoy behind the opening of the Chamber. He and Ron had infiltrated the Slytherin dungeon, invaded their privacy, on a too-quick judgement by Harry. Third year, it was he, Harry, who had bullied the bullies. He had flung mud at Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle from behind the safety of his invisibility cloak. Brave Gryffindor heroics, to be sure. Fourth year, he had absolutely savoured the humiliation that Malfoy endured after being turned into a ferret. He got a lot of mileage out of that one, and Ron still referred to him as “Ferret”. Fifth year, Harry wasn’t satisfied with sending Lucius Malfoy to prison. No, he had to take great pleasure in rubbing salt in Draco’s wounds. The man WAS his father, after all - what had Harry been thinking? In sixth year, Harry was a man obsessed. There was no other word for it. He stalked Malfoy relentlessly, and that day in the washroom, when Malfoy was obviously at his weakest, Harry had almost killed him. Oh, God, he would relive the sight of Malfoy’s blood pooling on the washroom floor every night in his dreams - nightmares, actually - until the day he died, he was sure of it.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
The more he thought about Draco - Malfoy was his father’s name, and Harry no longer wanted to think of him as merely an extension of Lucius Malfoy - the more he realized that Draco had been stuck in his own version of his destiny, just like Harry had. Unfortunately for him, Draco was the son of one sick wizard. Harry remembered Lucius Malfoy’s words over the years, his tone of voice, his sneer. He hadn’t seen him very often, but Harry could tell that Draco tried very hard to be like his father. Harry wondered now if that was the only way he felt worthy of the older Malfoy’s love.
The knowledge that Harry had assumed Draco was just like Lucius sickened him now. Draco was no more the man that had licked Voldemort’s feet than Harry was the attention-seeking prat that Lily Evans had detested. Draco wasn’t the Death Eater right-hand of evil any more than Harry was the boy who had bullied the teenage Snape back at Hogwarts. Oh, Draco was not some sweet, misunderstood young boy. But then neither was Harry, if he was truthful with himself. Harry had started life with a good family that got torn away from him. But what, really, did Draco have? Harry hoped that Draco’s mother had shown him love and compassion. But Harry had seen her sister Bellatrix in action. He shuddered at the thought of family functions at Malfoy Manor. Harry vowed to follow through with Dumbledore’s offer, if it was the last thing he did. Everyone needed to be given a chance, and who had really ever given Draco that?
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
When Snape showed up at 12 Grimmauld Place eight weeks after Dumbledore’s death, one week after Bill and Fleur’s wedding, and with one Draco Malfoy in tow, he received a cold welcome.
Reluctantly, the members of the Order had to respect Dumbledore’s dying wish. He had left, along with his pensieve, memories of conversations and promises made with Snape. His loyalty had never waned. In the end, as he had prepared to end the life of the greatest wizard who ever lived, Snape’s look of disgust wasn’t at the weakened wizard before him as Harry had once thought. It was at the thought of what he was about to do - what he HAD to do. To save a young man’s soul, to ensure his placement as a spy against Voldemort, and ultimately to put a dying man out of his misery, Snape took Albus Dumbledore’s life.
Dumbledore had left a letter explaining everything for Harry and one for each member of the Order, to be sure that there was no question about Snape’s loyalty. Still, Snape had stayed away for as long as he could. Until now. Until tonight.
As Harry approached the door, Draco’s eyes met his. Both grey and green had pain, regret and sorrow behind them. Both had seen too much pain, too much death, just … too much for such young men. They were young men with old souls.
As Harry reached out his hand to offer friendship, Draco furrowed his eyebrows, looking between Harry’s hand and his face. It was the day on the train all over again, in reverse, but what would happen now? As Draco looked into the other man’s eyes, Harry nodded and gave him a smile - the first genuine smile he had ever directed at the blonde. Draco smiled back and took Harry’s hand. There would be time to talk later. Now was the time for forgiveness and a fresh start.