idiot day
Have you ever been scolded for doing something completely stupid? Have you ever felt the urge to make an ass out of yourself but were too afraid to face the consequences? Well, your problem is now solved for one day of the year. That's right. The Canadian government has made August 1st, the new Idiot Day a national holiday. For several years Canadian citizens have felt the need to break out of their shell and have a little bit of fun without dealing with nagging fingers and locking handcuffs.
In 1989, a stuntman named Johnny Doughdoe, set himself on fire and petitioned across Canada to have an extra day to "go stoopid and have a laugh". He was sick of how his friends were brought up to live and endure textbook lives. "I couldn't stand hearing them talk about choosing a path to impress somebody else. In my life, I want to have fun. And I will make myself happy, not some other guy." Doughdoe added.
To his surprise, the federal government agreed. A government official who bribed the media with lump sums of cash and lots of juicy secrets to not disclose his name commented, "It was a fair idea. Nobody knows this, but we're idiots too. We waste your tax dollars on holidays like this. We should celebrate our mistakes and our lack thereof brains."
And so Idiot Day began.
Like Christmas, families exchange gifts. But children don't get toys. They get silly string and permanent markers, which they damage family heirlooms with. Fathers wear their wives' best Sunday dress. Mothers belch and make animal sounds all day. However, the family gets together during the feast of the day, when dinner is served first and breakfast is served last. Tequila is the choice of drink among all family members. Utensils change their function. Forks and spoons are used for cutting and knives are used for scooping. After the meal, children sing commercial jingles to their parents and draw on the walls.
But the idiocy doesn't end inside the household. Parades have crowded the streets with Doughdoe followers lighting themselves on fire from dusk 'til dawn. Mental hospitals release their patients to "have a day off from padded walls and enjoy the fresh air." (Last year's patients have not returned as of yet.) Skydivers jump into the streets of downtown Toronto without parachutes. Happy-go-lucky civilians pump their cars with salad dressing and soda pop. Beggars steal candy from babies. Teenagers jump out of moving cars and recite Hamlet's "to be or not to be" soliloquy in ancient Greek. Elderly women wear pans and pots on their heads using them as drums... then unknowingly suffer permanent neck damage. There are no onlookers for this holiday; the only law for this day is "Act like an idiot. And if you should refuse, you shall be sent to the zoo to join the 'boring animal exhibit'."
On Idiot Day, stupidity is embraced and not condemned. What is considered normal is considered cowardly. And for just one more holiday, people learn that having fun is essential in life.
In 1989, a stuntman named Johnny Doughdoe, set himself on fire and petitioned across Canada to have an extra day to "go stoopid and have a laugh". He was sick of how his friends were brought up to live and endure textbook lives. "I couldn't stand hearing them talk about choosing a path to impress somebody else. In my life, I want to have fun. And I will make myself happy, not some other guy." Doughdoe added.
To his surprise, the federal government agreed. A government official who bribed the media with lump sums of cash and lots of juicy secrets to not disclose his name commented, "It was a fair idea. Nobody knows this, but we're idiots too. We waste your tax dollars on holidays like this. We should celebrate our mistakes and our lack thereof brains."
And so Idiot Day began.
Like Christmas, families exchange gifts. But children don't get toys. They get silly string and permanent markers, which they damage family heirlooms with. Fathers wear their wives' best Sunday dress. Mothers belch and make animal sounds all day. However, the family gets together during the feast of the day, when dinner is served first and breakfast is served last. Tequila is the choice of drink among all family members. Utensils change their function. Forks and spoons are used for cutting and knives are used for scooping. After the meal, children sing commercial jingles to their parents and draw on the walls.
But the idiocy doesn't end inside the household. Parades have crowded the streets with Doughdoe followers lighting themselves on fire from dusk 'til dawn. Mental hospitals release their patients to "have a day off from padded walls and enjoy the fresh air." (Last year's patients have not returned as of yet.) Skydivers jump into the streets of downtown Toronto without parachutes. Happy-go-lucky civilians pump their cars with salad dressing and soda pop. Beggars steal candy from babies. Teenagers jump out of moving cars and recite Hamlet's "to be or not to be" soliloquy in ancient Greek. Elderly women wear pans and pots on their heads using them as drums... then unknowingly suffer permanent neck damage. There are no onlookers for this holiday; the only law for this day is "Act like an idiot. And if you should refuse, you shall be sent to the zoo to join the 'boring animal exhibit'."
On Idiot Day, stupidity is embraced and not condemned. What is considered normal is considered cowardly. And for just one more holiday, people learn that having fun is essential in life.