(no subject)
I was working steadily away, doing my best to finish up loose ends in my article. Whilst finishing up the end to the Letter, my fingers began to dart over the keyboard on their own. Having no idea what I was trying to type, I simply relaxed and let my thoughts write themselves down as they wished. Here is the result.
Hello to the person whom I don’t know exists or not.
"How do you feel?", you ask, or at least my contrary imagination asks. I feel calm, my thoughts collected. Creative, for I've been working almost all day on various fictions and even some non-fiction. A little cold, both inside and out.
What I am not is anxious, love-sick, or apathetic. I'm simply wondering, as anyone would by now.
For years I’ve struggled with such things as love and fate. To be such a dreamer as a child, I was remarkably practical in those areas concerning what was going to happen, and with whom such things were going to happen. When the pastors at churches talked about saved people’s names being written in the Book of Life, I immediately opened my Bible to the index and searched for my name. Not finding it there, I concluded I must be destined to be unsaved. All of seven years old, I was perfectly willing to give up what I'd been immersed in for years when it seemed to be brought to my attention that those rituals weren't for me. If I couldn't exist for that religion, then that religion could not exist for me.
It was the same way with you. When I didn’t find you within a particular time frame, I calmly concluded you didn’t exist. Having been some months since that conclusion, I have allowed myself to grudgingly acknowledge the fact that I will never know if you exist or not. I think it most likely that you've only existed in my mind.
Your Fate
Hello to the person whom I don’t know exists or not.
"How do you feel?", you ask, or at least my contrary imagination asks. I feel calm, my thoughts collected. Creative, for I've been working almost all day on various fictions and even some non-fiction. A little cold, both inside and out.
What I am not is anxious, love-sick, or apathetic. I'm simply wondering, as anyone would by now.
For years I’ve struggled with such things as love and fate. To be such a dreamer as a child, I was remarkably practical in those areas concerning what was going to happen, and with whom such things were going to happen. When the pastors at churches talked about saved people’s names being written in the Book of Life, I immediately opened my Bible to the index and searched for my name. Not finding it there, I concluded I must be destined to be unsaved. All of seven years old, I was perfectly willing to give up what I'd been immersed in for years when it seemed to be brought to my attention that those rituals weren't for me. If I couldn't exist for that religion, then that religion could not exist for me.
It was the same way with you. When I didn’t find you within a particular time frame, I calmly concluded you didn’t exist. Having been some months since that conclusion, I have allowed myself to grudgingly acknowledge the fact that I will never know if you exist or not. I think it most likely that you've only existed in my mind.
Your Fate