Gossip Girl - Monstrous Ball (November 12th)
Monstrous Ball (Season 6, Episode 5)
Oh season one. How I miss you.
*chokes* Oh god. Blair. What’s wrong with you? That’s horrible.
Serena can cook? What? Since when? And pancakes? Variation on Rufus’ waffles?
A little desperate for affection, Serena? Needy isn’t a good look on you.
Lucky charm? Blair’s lucky charm is the engagement ring?
“Is engagement ring on necklace. At least until Mr. Chuck defeats bad dad.”
Okay, seriously. How messed up is this line? She wears the fucking engagement ring. All the time. On a chain. WHY. Until Chuck defeats “bad dad.” Why are Chuck and Blair being together and Chuck “defeating bad dad” mutually exclusive exactly? Glad to see what Chuck’s priority is. And how masochistic Blair is.
“Could the weirdness be that Steven hooked up with your mom in a dungeon while you were in grade school?”
“No, once he actually remembered that that happened, it wasn’t weird at all. He got over it really quickly.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. He got over it quickly? That’s not comforting, Serena. Seriously. How do you get over something like this?
Why is Sage the it girl now? And why is she basically Blair in high school? Why do we have to take Blair’s sass and give it to Sage? And why are we adding new important characters in the last season anyway?
“There is no Chuck Bass chapter without Blair in it.”
“There is no Chuck Bass chapter without Blair in it.”
Yeah, these aren’t contradictory at all. Cuz Chuck just needs you in his life sooo much, right? It’s not like it’s the other way around. Not Blair following Chuck like an overgrown puppy. Uh huh. Yeah.
Dan’s face. OMG. Dair. STOP BAITING US DAMMIT.
“I know Chuck’s busy, and no one should go to Cotillion alone.”
They are so cute. And their banter. And Blair’s so happy he’s going with her. Their faces just become so much more animated when they’re acting opposite each other.
What is up with Dan’s hair? That slicked back look is not better than the muppet look.
“Not at all, I find your battle with your father inspiring. It’s the stuff myths are made of, like Zeus and Kronos. It never ends.”
It never ends is right. This Chuck vs. Bart storyline has been going on since season two for god’s sake. Or should I say for the gods’ sakes?
“Until Zeus ends and comes to be with Hera.”
Does Blair not realize that not every story is a love story? The story of the gods does not revolve around Zeus finally achieving his goal and coming to be with Hera. That relationship? Completely insignificant in comparison to the rest of the legend.
“Actually Zeus tricked Hera into being with him. After he raped her.”
Point to Dan! The sad thing is, rape isn’t actually too far off the mark.
“I’m sorry, Blair, I can’t. I’m here to speak with Lily. I’m betting Bart will come too to confront her…. Have you seen her?”
Blair was ecstatic that Chuck came. But no, he just came to get revenge on his father. It had nothing to do with Blair. Seriously, why are Blair and Chuck’s relationship and taking down Bart mutually exclusive? Is Chuck incapable of doing anything if he’s in a relationship? Will Blair bring him down? Because if this is how they see their relationship as, it’s poison.
“No, but go find her and imprison Kronos. The sooner the better.”
Please stop with this metaphor. Don’t ruin Greek mythology for me.
“You knew how much I wanted this.”
You realize that marriage needs to be based off more than, “ZOMG THIS GUY IS AWESOME I WANNA MARRY HIM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!111” right? It doesn’t matter how much you wanted it. If you were actually a mature adult, as you keep trying to convince us of, then you would realize that there’s more to marriage than just “wanting it.”
“You don’t have boyfriends, you have life rafts.”
“That you keep taking from me and leaving me to drown.”
Oh my fucking god. If you can’t stay afloat (following your metaphor) on your own, then you clearly aren’t ready for a relationship, much less a marriage.
This is Nate’s third Cotillion. Oh my god where is the poor man’s character development?
Where is Lily’s loyalty to Bart coming from? Marriage alone means nothing is the marriage can’t be called a marriage.
“So you get to ruin my future to sell dresses?”
So your only future is with a man? Yeah that’s healthy. 21st century woman here people. Let’s give her a round of applause.
“I thought Chuck sleeping with Jenny was the most despicable thing someone could do to me. But this is worse because you pretended to be better. At least I ended up with the right person.”
“You ended up with no one. Chuck will never be finished fighting with his father, and that ring around your neck? Is never gonna be on your finger.”
“I would rather be with no one than with you.”
Soo… Dan sleeping with Serena was worse than Chuck sleeping with Jenny. Shouldn’t that tell you something, Blair? For fuck’s sake, if you love Chuck so much, Dan’s betrayal shouldn’t hurt half as much as Chuck’s did. Dan pretended to be better? So basically, you can expect Chuck to cheat, but not Dan. So CHUCK is the better choice. Flawless Gossip Girl logic right there. Have fun with a lifetime of waiting, Blair Waldorf. Because you’ll never be Mrs. Bass.
“No. I stopped when I knew you could really get hurt. But you didn’t. You crossed the line and kept going.”
So it took Serena’s betrayal over DAN for Blair to see Serena’s true colors. Tell me, Blair. Why did Dan’s betrayal hurt so much? So much MORE than any of Chuck’s betrayals?
OMG are Steven and Sage leaving? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SAY YES.
“Thank you for never sleeping with Serena.”
OMG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
“I have to find a way to expose him on my own.”
This is the problem. Chuck needs to do everything alone. He doesn’t want help. He doesn’t want to get close to anyone. He won’t accept anyone’s help. Not even Blair’s. He can never be in a relationship until he can let someone in.
For fuck’s sake, what is going on. Is this some mockery of a kiss? Can they not kiss until Chuck defeats his father? What is this fuckery?
What is this look? WHY IS THIS LOOK ON ON DAN’S FACE. GET THIS LOOK OFF HIS FACE. NO. DERENA IS DEAD. IT IS. DEAD AND BURIED. STOP.
~XOXO, Seravia
Oh season one. How I miss you.
*chokes* Oh god. Blair. What’s wrong with you? That’s horrible.
Serena can cook? What? Since when? And pancakes? Variation on Rufus’ waffles?
A little desperate for affection, Serena? Needy isn’t a good look on you.
Lucky charm? Blair’s lucky charm is the engagement ring?
“Is engagement ring on necklace. At least until Mr. Chuck defeats bad dad.”
Okay, seriously. How messed up is this line? She wears the fucking engagement ring. All the time. On a chain. WHY. Until Chuck defeats “bad dad.” Why are Chuck and Blair being together and Chuck “defeating bad dad” mutually exclusive exactly? Glad to see what Chuck’s priority is. And how masochistic Blair is.
“Could the weirdness be that Steven hooked up with your mom in a dungeon while you were in grade school?”
“No, once he actually remembered that that happened, it wasn’t weird at all. He got over it really quickly.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. He got over it quickly? That’s not comforting, Serena. Seriously. How do you get over something like this?
Why is Sage the it girl now? And why is she basically Blair in high school? Why do we have to take Blair’s sass and give it to Sage? And why are we adding new important characters in the last season anyway?
“There is no Chuck Bass chapter without Blair in it.”
“There is no Chuck Bass chapter without Blair in it.”
Yeah, these aren’t contradictory at all. Cuz Chuck just needs you in his life sooo much, right? It’s not like it’s the other way around. Not Blair following Chuck like an overgrown puppy. Uh huh. Yeah.
Dan’s face. OMG. Dair. STOP BAITING US DAMMIT.
“I know Chuck’s busy, and no one should go to Cotillion alone.”
They are so cute. And their banter. And Blair’s so happy he’s going with her. Their faces just become so much more animated when they’re acting opposite each other.
What is up with Dan’s hair? That slicked back look is not better than the muppet look.
“Not at all, I find your battle with your father inspiring. It’s the stuff myths are made of, like Zeus and Kronos. It never ends.”
It never ends is right. This Chuck vs. Bart storyline has been going on since season two for god’s sake. Or should I say for the gods’ sakes?
“Until Zeus ends and comes to be with Hera.”
Does Blair not realize that not every story is a love story? The story of the gods does not revolve around Zeus finally achieving his goal and coming to be with Hera. That relationship? Completely insignificant in comparison to the rest of the legend.
“Actually Zeus tricked Hera into being with him. After he raped her.”
Point to Dan! The sad thing is, rape isn’t actually too far off the mark.
“I’m sorry, Blair, I can’t. I’m here to speak with Lily. I’m betting Bart will come too to confront her…. Have you seen her?”
Blair was ecstatic that Chuck came. But no, he just came to get revenge on his father. It had nothing to do with Blair. Seriously, why are Blair and Chuck’s relationship and taking down Bart mutually exclusive? Is Chuck incapable of doing anything if he’s in a relationship? Will Blair bring him down? Because if this is how they see their relationship as, it’s poison.
“No, but go find her and imprison Kronos. The sooner the better.”
Please stop with this metaphor. Don’t ruin Greek mythology for me.
“You knew how much I wanted this.”
You realize that marriage needs to be based off more than, “ZOMG THIS GUY IS AWESOME I WANNA MARRY HIM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!111” right? It doesn’t matter how much you wanted it. If you were actually a mature adult, as you keep trying to convince us of, then you would realize that there’s more to marriage than just “wanting it.”
“You don’t have boyfriends, you have life rafts.”
“That you keep taking from me and leaving me to drown.”
Oh my fucking god. If you can’t stay afloat (following your metaphor) on your own, then you clearly aren’t ready for a relationship, much less a marriage.
This is Nate’s third Cotillion. Oh my god where is the poor man’s character development?
Where is Lily’s loyalty to Bart coming from? Marriage alone means nothing is the marriage can’t be called a marriage.
“So you get to ruin my future to sell dresses?”
So your only future is with a man? Yeah that’s healthy. 21st century woman here people. Let’s give her a round of applause.
“I thought Chuck sleeping with Jenny was the most despicable thing someone could do to me. But this is worse because you pretended to be better. At least I ended up with the right person.”
“You ended up with no one. Chuck will never be finished fighting with his father, and that ring around your neck? Is never gonna be on your finger.”
“I would rather be with no one than with you.”
Soo… Dan sleeping with Serena was worse than Chuck sleeping with Jenny. Shouldn’t that tell you something, Blair? For fuck’s sake, if you love Chuck so much, Dan’s betrayal shouldn’t hurt half as much as Chuck’s did. Dan pretended to be better? So basically, you can expect Chuck to cheat, but not Dan. So CHUCK is the better choice. Flawless Gossip Girl logic right there. Have fun with a lifetime of waiting, Blair Waldorf. Because you’ll never be Mrs. Bass.
“No. I stopped when I knew you could really get hurt. But you didn’t. You crossed the line and kept going.”
So it took Serena’s betrayal over DAN for Blair to see Serena’s true colors. Tell me, Blair. Why did Dan’s betrayal hurt so much? So much MORE than any of Chuck’s betrayals?
OMG are Steven and Sage leaving? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SAY YES.
“Thank you for never sleeping with Serena.”
OMG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
“I have to find a way to expose him on my own.”
This is the problem. Chuck needs to do everything alone. He doesn’t want help. He doesn’t want to get close to anyone. He won’t accept anyone’s help. Not even Blair’s. He can never be in a relationship until he can let someone in.
For fuck’s sake, what is going on. Is this some mockery of a kiss? Can they not kiss until Chuck defeats his father? What is this fuckery?
What is this look? WHY IS THIS LOOK ON ON DAN’S FACE. GET THIS LOOK OFF HIS FACE. NO. DERENA IS DEAD. IT IS. DEAD AND BURIED. STOP.
~XOXO, Seravia