Renerra uploads: #2

[seraravi]

Hey everyone (and by everyone I probably mean Sfé)!

Looks like it's time for part 2 of Renerra's prologue (about 500 words this time).

Comments

[sfemonster]

Oh man, let's hear it for "finally able to sit down and make a comment"!

I really love how this builds up towards the end. It seems like it's just waiting for a dramatic "HOWEVER..." followed by the inevitable unravelling of the school and a heaping dose of "too good to be true."

I like that this article straddles the line between "informative piece" and "opinion piece." It's not too exposition-y that its lost its personality, and I'm glad for that. Lines like "Holt, who has a relaxed and slightly rakish manner that masks a sharp wit and ambition" really help it stay alive and not turn into a dull history-book/dictionary-esque description of events.

Looking forward to more! :D

[seraravi]

Yay, I'm glad it's coming across well! My professor told me I need to edit it down some, and that at times it DOES seem like I'm just in set-up mode, so I'll need to look over everything and figure out what to cut. BUT! I am now officially writing new non-intro material, which is kid of exciting :D