The Rain Hasn't Passed... The Storm's Just Starting [7/8]
Sometimes I want to stop living. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I used to cry a lot when Daddy first left me here, but now I don’t at all. I still really miss you. It’s hard to remember what you look like. I know I don’t look how I did before. There’s a lot of hair on my face, but it doesn’t grow long like Daddy’s does. My hair has dirt in mud in it because I lay on the floor most of the day. It’s really long and sticks to my face.
I wonder if Mommy was like I was now. I don’t really know what it’s like die. Maybe it’ll hurt real bad. My tummy hurts more and more everyday. When it hurts I just bite my lip very hard. It makes my lip bleeds, and I forget that my tummy hurts.
I miss Daddy now. He wasn’t really nice, but he let me stay in my closet where it wasn’t that cold. It’s way colder out here, and my jacket doesn’t really help keep me warm.
I don’t think Daddy was always mean. he wasn’t when I was a baby. I can’t remember what he was like then, but I remember being with Mommy. Daddy was happy when I said my first word. He smiled at me and hugged me so much, and I wish I could make him smile like that again. When we went outside our house to eat ice cream, he said something to Mommy about me being “normal, maybe”. Mommy just looked at him with a really scary look and kissed my cheek.
Before Daddy stopped talking to you, he really liked you. More than he liked me. He liked that you could say more words than me and talked to you a lot just so you could say them. I always wished that I could be like you. Mommy and Daddy both loved you, but only Mommy loved me. I always tried to make Daddy like me, but I don’t know why he doesn’t. Maybe he can’t because I’m stupid like he said.
Sometimes I think that you used to be mean because Daddy was there, but you started being nice before he left. When you were nice, Daddy didn’t talk to me, and I liked it that way. Mommy cried a lot. She didn’t like that Daddy wouldn’t talk to us. She said that we were all family, and we had to stay together. I wasn’t really sure what would happen to our family when Daddy left. Our family wasn’t together anymore, and Mommy wasn’t happy anymore. I thought I family would never be all together again, but I think it was good when it was just you and me.
I think we would have been a better family with Frank. We all made each other really happy. I wish we were still together.
I like being out here sometimes. There’s a lot of time to think about you and Mommy. It’s still really hard to remember what you look like, but I have a long time to think about it. Maybe I’ll remember really soon.
It rained not long ago. A big part of the roof fell down inside the building. I saw lights flashing and it really scared me. I really missed you then.
The sun was bright the next morning after it rained. I looked up it for a long time. It made me feel really happy, Mikey. It makes me think of you because everyday after you woke me up I could see the sun through my window. We always had good days when it was really sunny. I still miss you, but I think I’m gonna be okay for a long time.
Comments and Constructive Criticism are greatly appreciated :] One more, guise.