Rain Chapter 6/Final
As much as I wanted to bawl my eyes out, I knew we had to figure out something immediately. It took exactly seventeen minutes for Frank and I to decide that he was going to court for custody. He was graduating in a few weeks and would be eligible to be your legal guardian. We had already planned for him to move in me after graduation, so we were fine as far as him being financially independent.
Graduation. You should have been there. That year the ceremony was held on the football field. The seniors sat in folding chairs in the field while friends and family sat in both sides of the stands. You would have loved all the bright colors all the tacky moms wore and the different color cords some of the graduates were wearing. I was sitting with Frank’s dad and mom. The latter was noticeably trying to hold back her tears. I glanced over at her and smiled. I wonder if our mom would have done the same when I graduated.
Before the ceremony began, Frank I started talking about life after high school. I, personally hadn’t thought of what I wanted to be after school. I hadn’t had time to think about it. When Frank asked what I wanted to do, I shrugged. As long as I was happy, I was fine with whatever. I asked Frank she same question. He blushed and said that he wanted to be a lawyer.
“My grades aren’t good enough to get me into a really good college or anything though…”
I shook my head. “I think you can do it.”
After sitting through his graduation, I wasn’t really looking forward to mine. The senior class wasn’t too big, but the balding man reading the class list would pause for fifteen seconds after each name. Mrs. Iero couldn’t hold back her tears as her son’s name was finally called out. Frank grinned as he received his diploma and jokingly blew me a kiss. His mom thought it was directed towards her, but I didn’t say anything about it.
Three and a half hours later, Frank and I were cuddled on my couch in my apartment. Even though my television was off, we both stared at it. He was still in his white shirt, black pants, and black tie he had worn under his gown. Our shoes and socks were long abandoned by the front door. After a while we shifted positions so I was lying across his lap with his fingers tangled in my hair.
“Hey Frank?” The television had been turned on at some point so we had a reason to stare at it.
“Hmmm?”
I bit my lip and looked up at him. “I don’t know if us living together would be such a great idea.” Frank’s head snapped down.
“What?” He looked at me with complete disbelief. I sat up quickly, but kept my eye contact.
“It’s not that we can’t be friends or anything, and I appreciate you helping me get my brother back. But when we do get him back, the government check will be enough so I can take care of him by myself. Living with him… it can be hard sometimes, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that. I’m sorry.”
I watched Frank bury his head into his hands and sigh heavily. “Mikey…” he started. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this either. I don’t want to sound mean or anything, but the truth is that Gerard’s not your responsibility. You’re his brother, not his parent. I mean, it’s nice and all that you want to take care of him, but you can’t push me away when I want to help. Just because he’s your family, it doesn’t mean that you have to do everything yourself. Why do you always try to push me away? Were you just using me for the extra money? That’s really what it looks like at this point now that you’re got a fucking government check coming in with your brother.”
“I’m not using you! I want you to have a normal life, and I want you to go to college and be a prestigious lawyer. I don’t want you to waste your time. You h-”
“You don’t even listen to what I say! How can you be my friend and not listen? All this time, from the very start, I told you that I want to help you, and then you go and say that I’m just wasting my time. If there’s something I want to do, I don’t think it’s a waste of time. You want me to do what I want and this is it. Let me do it, Mikey. Please.” By this point Frank was standing over me, absolutely fuming. I stood up and tried to intimidate him with my height, but both of us knew that I wasn’t the least bit intimidating.
“I don’t want you to help!” Lie. “I don’t even want to be your friend!” Lie. “I want you to move on and forget about me!” Lie.
A tense silence followed my last statement. We were both standing face to face, red with anger. It seemed like forever, but was only a few seconds, when Frank finally moved. He stormed over to the front door and slipped his shoes on before putting his socks in his pocket.
And he left.
A few minutes after he left, I called social services demanding that they let me know where my brother was. But they wouldn’t tell me because you were already taken from wherever you were staying. You were living with our dad.
I couldn’t cry anymore. I couldn’t give up. I had to find you. I went to my neighbor and asked to borrow their phone book so I could find our dad. He wasn’t listed. All this work to get you back and I couldn’t even do that because he was smart and didn’t want to be listed in the phone book. I didn’t even know if he was in New Jersey anymore. I had worked a fucking year to get you back, and Dad just had to snap his fingers for you to get back. There was no way he was treating you like a real father treats his son. Knowing him, he was probably ignoring you and spending that government check on whatever his heart pleased. You didn’t deserve that. You needed someone that would help you. Someone you trusted and wouldn’t abandon you. But that’s exactly what I did. Never to you, but to Frank. How could I take care of you and treat you the opposite of how I treat my supposed best friend?
But I couldn’t give up. I didn’t give up. But guess what. You did. But I can't blame you.
Eight months later
“…I tried, Gerard, I really did. I spent eight months trying to find you. If I had found you early… we wouldn’t be here. I want you to know that dad’s going to jail for what he did to you. Hopefully, he’ll never get out. I was right… and I hate that I was. You should know that the government was sending Dad a good amount of money every month. It wasn’t that you couldn’t afford to eat… he just wouldn’t feed you and now look where we are. Sometimes I think that maybe if I hadn’t pushed Frank away that night, I could have found you and you would be with me in our apartment watching Power Rangers. But I know it wouldn’t have made a difference. You’ll be glad to know that we’re talking again. He’s in college, but it’s a local school. He calls everyday and I see him on the weekends. When he heard that you died he called me apologizing over and over for leaving. It’s not his fault though. He’ll see that one day. I’m letting him back in my life… I really like him, but we’re just friends. He knows that I’m vulnerable right now, and maybe something will happen later on. I’m sorry I wasn’t at your funeral. The car drive from Jersey to Illinois took a couple of days. But this way I can talk without anyone around. Gerard… you’re so lucky, you know that right? I know you’re somewhere better now. You’re happier, and you’re probably not even listening to me now… but I wanted to say good bye.”
I stared at your tombstone one last time before walking back out of the gravesite. I promised Frank I wouldn’t stay too long because we both knew that if I stayed I would be more miserable. I didn’t want to cry over you anymore because I knew you wouldn’t like it.
The whole way home I didn’t listen to the radio because the only music I wanted at the moment was the rain falling from the sky and falling onto the car.
We’re both finally happy.
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