Misery

[sensiblecat]

I’ve been having a horrible time at work lately. Not due to work colleagues, I hasten to add. It’s about the working environment and many of them share the same issues and stresses. But it’s taken its toll, and it hasn’t helped that I’ve had a number of health problems lately. I may need surgery to correct a long-established problem, I had

Comments

[sensiblecat]

Wise advice from one who knows. That is exactly what depression feels like. Thanks for taking the time to comment, it's appreciated greatly.

[wendymr]

What you're feeling is actually quite normal. When we take what we do very seriously, when we feel that we're good at our job and that others depend on us, and when we're used to hearing praise for a job well done (or at least acceptance that all is well), it's very hard to come to terms with the fact that we screwed up. I can only imagine that your depression makes your guilt and self-directed anger even worse.

But making a mistake does not make us - you - a horrible person. It doesn't mean that we shouldn't be doing the job we're doing. It means we're human, because everyone makes mistakes from time to time. The important thing isn't the mistake itself, but how we learn from it: how we acknowledge and accept that we screwed up, and how we make sure that the lesson is learned and we won't do that again.

Can you guess that I screwed up badly at work recently? *g* I also felt - still feel - angry at myself, and ashamed, and have managers who both wanted me to be aware of what I'd done wrong and understand that it's over and done

[sensiblecat]

Thank you, Wendy. It's nice to be reminded that others screw up occasionally, too!

[aearwen2]

Depression is a horrible thing to happen to a person. It messes with the mind's ability to see what really is, and fills it with illusion.

I'm really sorry to hear about all of your physical ailments that, compounded by depression, are giving you such grief. Frankly, I would think that if anybody's opinion is to be trusted when suffering from depression, a work superior's would be high on the list. After all, it's their job to make sure you do your job correctly and/or make changes if need be to make sure that job gets done

[sensiblecat]

Thanks for helping me keep things in proportion. I do have a sympathetic GP although, from long experience, I know exactly what the advice would be - sleep, don't touch alcohol (it wipes out the effect of the meds, and when I'm this bad there have to be no exceptions to that rule), try to be kind to yourself and, if all else fails, bump up the meds for a while. That has side effects too, particularly significant weight gain, but sometimes it's the lesser of two evils.

I feel quite up to checking over your last chapter any time you want to send it my way. Well done for finishing!

[tardis_stowaway]

I work with kids too. I know a lot of awesome educators, and I don't think there's a single one of them who hasn't at some point yelled, snapped, been excessively critical, imposed overly harsh negative consequences, or otherwise shown their temper with a child. The fact that you're beating yourself up about this suggests to me that it's something that doesn't happen very often, which means you're one of the good ones. We'd all like to be consummately professional, never letting personal challenges make the slightest difference in our treatment of the kids, constantly warm and encouraging while still projecting authority, but the fact is that we're human. People who work with kids screw up just like people at any job, and kids are pretty infuriating sometimes. Snapping at kids isn't good, but it happens

[sensiblecat]

Yep, we break for six weeks summer holiday on July 19th. And my boss said just the same thing, that he'd no intention of accepting my hasty resignation until I'd time to get over this patch. Back in September I'll probably feel quite different. The problems won't have gone away, but hopefully I'll be in a better state to deal with them. Thanks for commenting!

[kilodalton]

I am so sorry that you feel bad! It your actions sound only natural, and you SHOULDN'T hate yourself at all. It was one time, it means nothing. As a parent, I can't tell you how many times I've taken a snippy tone with my kids and instantly regretted it, it's just human nature! Please don't be too hard on yourself!

[sensiblecat]

Thanks very much. I'll try!