Fanfiction: Mixed Emotions
TITLE: Mixed Emotions
AUTHOR:semisweetsoul
CHARACTERS: Walker/McCallister fic.
RATING: NC-17.
SUMMARY: When a first time feels like a last time.
SPOILERS: Set after 2.01 "Home Front".
WORD COUNT: 1 442
DISCLAIMER:Any of these fantastic characters were originally created by me. I would be so lucky!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: PS: Slash can be romantic! Written for romanticalgirl's First Times Challenge-A-Thon-Thing and inspired by her username.
I wrote this faster than I ever wrote a fic; this is my first attempt at something somewhat explicit, constructive criticism, please! You can tell how awful you think this is as long as you're not too harsh.
Mixed Emotions
After Kitty's birthday party Jason had seen Kevin home because he knew his boyfriend was worried for his brother. He wasn't going to leave him there alone, although he had planned to stop by his office at the church the next morning to gather some of his personal belongings, he felt staying by Kevin's side was his duty, not so much as a minister whose obligation is to support families in such times as someone concerned by the person he loves state of mind and well-being.
As they entered Kevin's apartment Jason had something he wanted to be sure about. "Did you really mean what you told me earlier in the backyard?" Jason asked a faint smile forming on his lips.
"Which part? The 'I'll wait for you' part or the 'I love you' part?"
"Both I guess." Jason replied shyly.
"'I love you' might be hard for me to say but when it comes out it's just because it has to."
Jason smiled and came closer to Kevin to kiss him sincerely.
"Are you okay?" he then whispered concerned for his boyfriend.
"I don't know. But I'd say more no than yes." He answered sitting on the couch, his hands resting on his hips.
"I'm here for you, more than ever." Jason said trying to be supportive.
"Yeah, but for how long?" Kevin responded curtly but Jason didn't take it personally, Kevin's mixed emotions where just getting in the way.
"You're leaving in 48 hours. What if Justin's dead in 48 hours? What if he's dead and you're half way around the world? What if you're away when I need you the most?" Kevin said his voice choking with sobs unfolding his sadness, angriness and fear.
Jason sat by his side on the couch, Kevin rested his head on his shoulder and as he breathed his perfume, he recognized in the scent almost all of Jason's characteristics: strength, delicacy and attraction.
"I'm telling you, Justin's gonna be alright," Jason tried to assured him as he planted kisses on Kevin's hair.
"How can you be so sure? And if you tell me to have faith, I'm just going to hurt you." He paused for a moment before continuing, "maybe I could hurt you, I mean I'd rather have you by my side crippled than in perfect health in Malaysia." He responded in his typical sarcastic way.
Jason was reassured, Kevin wasn't going to collapse or maybe he would but only when he would be gone.
"Well you have two options for tonight." Jason suggested, "A- You can sit here complaining and worrying for your brother with your soon-to-leave-for-the-other-side-of-the-world boyfriend or B- you can let me show you how much you mean to me." Jason's expression left no doubt whatsoever that he was begging for him to choose the second alternative.
Kevin wasn't in the mood for some exotic or eccentric though always fun sex night with his boyfriend but he realized this would probably be their last opportunity for a moment together before Jason would have to leave for God-won't-say how long.
He wasn't really sure about doing this, he kept thinking of his brother probably hurt if not something worse somewhere between Iraq and America and he was considering having sex with his boyfriend. That was wrong. On the other hand he wanted to say goodbye to Jason properly. That was right. I should focus on the one who is here with me for now. I'll deal with Justin when he comes back, he thought, trying to get a grip.
When he came down to earth Jason wasn't in the living-room anymore. Kevin called out for him, "Jason, I made up my mind, I chose the second option, just so you know!"
"What made you decide?" Jason asked from the bedroom.
Kevin stood up to join him there; he didn't expect anything in particular, but certainly not to enter a newly decorated room. The light of a hundred candles at a rough guess, gave the atmosphere a romantic touch; the air was fragrant with the scent of white lilac. Kevin was a little surprised for Jason had never been the poster child for romanticism; he certainly was traditional but in other ways.
"What's ...with ... the atmosphere?" Kevin asked intrigued.
"You like it?"
"Yeah, it's just not so much like you to be umm... romantic!" he noticed with a pout.
"Would you come and lie down next to me, please?"
"I guess I can do that last thing for you!" he said with a half-smile.
"So what had you change your mind? You didn't tell me." Jason said as he put his arm around Kevin's shoulder.
"I figured I should be with you now that I can." He answered matter-of-factly, twiddling a lock of air around his forefinger.
"That's nice of you! That deserves a treat," Jason replied as he kissed Kevin deeply.
"Wow, I'll miss that!" Kevin laughed lightheartedly for the first time since they had learned about Justin's worrying situation. "My turn to ask you something," Kevin started, "what is it with you and the candles? Do you get a discount or what?"
"No, I don't," he answered amused, "it's not the candles that are important here, it's what they represent. Light symbolizes hope, for your brother, your family, the soldiers with him and their families. For us too." He explained eyes riveted on the mesmeric dancing flames.
"Okay, well that's thoughtful and profound just like you but why don't you tell me what you really have in mind?" Kevin asked suggestively as his fingers slipped from Jason's shoulder to his neck to go further on his bare chest.
"It seems you have the same idea" he replied, answering to Kevin's caresses by some kisses and some caresses of his own, until they were both freed from their cotton constraints.
But something was different, Kevin found something had changed; Jason was dwelling on each and every inch of skin, which of course he appreciated not to say he gave himself up to the new sensations. It was only when he felt the kisses hungrier and more passionate that it hit him that this was probably Jason's way to say good bye.
"Jason?" Kevin questioned softly to be sure he was in harmony with Jason's desires as a shiver ran through his body along his spine.
"You're different... is that like the kiss of death... because it's our last time or something" Kevin managed to utter in between the sighs in the tighter and tighter embrace.
Jason stopped the touches to stare at Kevin's inquiring expression. "It's the first time since we've said 'I love you'" Jason said in a whisper.
At that moment, Kevin realized Jason wanted to make love not to have sex. But he had not much time to think about it more thoroughly that Jason murmured to his ear. "Kev, want to be inside me?"
Kevin felt his heart pounding, his excitation escalating. "But you... I mean you never want me to..." Kevin repeated stunned to the back of the eyes.
"I've never said 'never'" Jason murmured as he guided Kevin's hands on his body.
Kevin tried to go beyond the fact that this was some sort of milestone for his lover; it was time for him to take control of the situation.
"Turn around." Kevin demanded in a grunt.
"No, I wanna see your eyes, look deep into my eyes!" Jason responded his voice oddly both steady and loose.
Jason lay down on his back, rested his legs on Kevin's shoulders, their hearts and bodies were beating at the same pace as they became one. Kevin had managed to find the key to Jason's heart and that was all he needed to do to feel him that close, closer than ever as he breathed hard trying his best to line up his own excitement to his partner's as he tasted his lover's lips deeply. It felt like a mélange of both the desire to be together and the certainty that it wouldn't be possible for a long time. They were now panting almost in unison as Kevin planted his eyes in Jason for him to witness his pupils dilating when reaching the utmost pleasure. To Kevin's pride and delight, their bodies tensed simultaneously as they climaxed together in the half-light created by the candles. Kevin waited for Jason's approval to leave his shaking body. They lay down next to each other kissing and cuddling and fell asleep naked clasped in a fond embrace. Having sex was great, making love was better; feelings could change everything that was the power of three simple words.
THE END
AUTHOR'S NOTE # 2 : The original title is The Power of Three Simple Words but I thought it would give it away so... And if you think only a girl could write this , well... I suppose I won't be offended!
AUTHOR:semisweetsoul
CHARACTERS: Walker/McCallister fic.
RATING: NC-17.
SUMMARY: When a first time feels like a last time.
SPOILERS: Set after 2.01 "Home Front".
WORD COUNT: 1 442
DISCLAIMER:Any of these fantastic characters were originally created by me. I would be so lucky!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: PS: Slash can be romantic! Written for romanticalgirl's First Times Challenge-A-Thon-Thing and inspired by her username.
I wrote this faster than I ever wrote a fic; this is my first attempt at something somewhat explicit, constructive criticism, please! You can tell how awful you think this is as long as you're not too harsh.
Mixed Emotions
After Kitty's birthday party Jason had seen Kevin home because he knew his boyfriend was worried for his brother. He wasn't going to leave him there alone, although he had planned to stop by his office at the church the next morning to gather some of his personal belongings, he felt staying by Kevin's side was his duty, not so much as a minister whose obligation is to support families in such times as someone concerned by the person he loves state of mind and well-being.
As they entered Kevin's apartment Jason had something he wanted to be sure about. "Did you really mean what you told me earlier in the backyard?" Jason asked a faint smile forming on his lips.
"Which part? The 'I'll wait for you' part or the 'I love you' part?"
"Both I guess." Jason replied shyly.
"'I love you' might be hard for me to say but when it comes out it's just because it has to."
Jason smiled and came closer to Kevin to kiss him sincerely.
"Are you okay?" he then whispered concerned for his boyfriend.
"I don't know. But I'd say more no than yes." He answered sitting on the couch, his hands resting on his hips.
"I'm here for you, more than ever." Jason said trying to be supportive.
"Yeah, but for how long?" Kevin responded curtly but Jason didn't take it personally, Kevin's mixed emotions where just getting in the way.
"You're leaving in 48 hours. What if Justin's dead in 48 hours? What if he's dead and you're half way around the world? What if you're away when I need you the most?" Kevin said his voice choking with sobs unfolding his sadness, angriness and fear.
Jason sat by his side on the couch, Kevin rested his head on his shoulder and as he breathed his perfume, he recognized in the scent almost all of Jason's characteristics: strength, delicacy and attraction.
"I'm telling you, Justin's gonna be alright," Jason tried to assured him as he planted kisses on Kevin's hair.
"How can you be so sure? And if you tell me to have faith, I'm just going to hurt you." He paused for a moment before continuing, "maybe I could hurt you, I mean I'd rather have you by my side crippled than in perfect health in Malaysia." He responded in his typical sarcastic way.
Jason was reassured, Kevin wasn't going to collapse or maybe he would but only when he would be gone.
"Well you have two options for tonight." Jason suggested, "A- You can sit here complaining and worrying for your brother with your soon-to-leave-for-the-other-side-of-the-world boyfriend or B- you can let me show you how much you mean to me." Jason's expression left no doubt whatsoever that he was begging for him to choose the second alternative.
Kevin wasn't in the mood for some exotic or eccentric though always fun sex night with his boyfriend but he realized this would probably be their last opportunity for a moment together before Jason would have to leave for God-won't-say how long.
He wasn't really sure about doing this, he kept thinking of his brother probably hurt if not something worse somewhere between Iraq and America and he was considering having sex with his boyfriend. That was wrong. On the other hand he wanted to say goodbye to Jason properly. That was right. I should focus on the one who is here with me for now. I'll deal with Justin when he comes back, he thought, trying to get a grip.
When he came down to earth Jason wasn't in the living-room anymore. Kevin called out for him, "Jason, I made up my mind, I chose the second option, just so you know!"
"What made you decide?" Jason asked from the bedroom.
Kevin stood up to join him there; he didn't expect anything in particular, but certainly not to enter a newly decorated room. The light of a hundred candles at a rough guess, gave the atmosphere a romantic touch; the air was fragrant with the scent of white lilac. Kevin was a little surprised for Jason had never been the poster child for romanticism; he certainly was traditional but in other ways.
"What's ...with ... the atmosphere?" Kevin asked intrigued.
"You like it?"
"Yeah, it's just not so much like you to be umm... romantic!" he noticed with a pout.
"Would you come and lie down next to me, please?"
"I guess I can do that last thing for you!" he said with a half-smile.
"So what had you change your mind? You didn't tell me." Jason said as he put his arm around Kevin's shoulder.
"I figured I should be with you now that I can." He answered matter-of-factly, twiddling a lock of air around his forefinger.
"That's nice of you! That deserves a treat," Jason replied as he kissed Kevin deeply.
"Wow, I'll miss that!" Kevin laughed lightheartedly for the first time since they had learned about Justin's worrying situation. "My turn to ask you something," Kevin started, "what is it with you and the candles? Do you get a discount or what?"
"No, I don't," he answered amused, "it's not the candles that are important here, it's what they represent. Light symbolizes hope, for your brother, your family, the soldiers with him and their families. For us too." He explained eyes riveted on the mesmeric dancing flames.
"Okay, well that's thoughtful and profound just like you but why don't you tell me what you really have in mind?" Kevin asked suggestively as his fingers slipped from Jason's shoulder to his neck to go further on his bare chest.
"It seems you have the same idea" he replied, answering to Kevin's caresses by some kisses and some caresses of his own, until they were both freed from their cotton constraints.
But something was different, Kevin found something had changed; Jason was dwelling on each and every inch of skin, which of course he appreciated not to say he gave himself up to the new sensations. It was only when he felt the kisses hungrier and more passionate that it hit him that this was probably Jason's way to say good bye.
"Jason?" Kevin questioned softly to be sure he was in harmony with Jason's desires as a shiver ran through his body along his spine.
"You're different... is that like the kiss of death... because it's our last time or something" Kevin managed to utter in between the sighs in the tighter and tighter embrace.
Jason stopped the touches to stare at Kevin's inquiring expression. "It's the first time since we've said 'I love you'" Jason said in a whisper.
At that moment, Kevin realized Jason wanted to make love not to have sex. But he had not much time to think about it more thoroughly that Jason murmured to his ear. "Kev, want to be inside me?"
Kevin felt his heart pounding, his excitation escalating. "But you... I mean you never want me to..." Kevin repeated stunned to the back of the eyes.
"I've never said 'never'" Jason murmured as he guided Kevin's hands on his body.
Kevin tried to go beyond the fact that this was some sort of milestone for his lover; it was time for him to take control of the situation.
"Turn around." Kevin demanded in a grunt.
"No, I wanna see your eyes, look deep into my eyes!" Jason responded his voice oddly both steady and loose.
Jason lay down on his back, rested his legs on Kevin's shoulders, their hearts and bodies were beating at the same pace as they became one. Kevin had managed to find the key to Jason's heart and that was all he needed to do to feel him that close, closer than ever as he breathed hard trying his best to line up his own excitement to his partner's as he tasted his lover's lips deeply. It felt like a mélange of both the desire to be together and the certainty that it wouldn't be possible for a long time. They were now panting almost in unison as Kevin planted his eyes in Jason for him to witness his pupils dilating when reaching the utmost pleasure. To Kevin's pride and delight, their bodies tensed simultaneously as they climaxed together in the half-light created by the candles. Kevin waited for Jason's approval to leave his shaking body. They lay down next to each other kissing and cuddling and fell asleep naked clasped in a fond embrace. Having sex was great, making love was better; feelings could change everything that was the power of three simple words.
THE END
AUTHOR'S NOTE # 2 : The original title is The Power of Three Simple Words but I thought it would give it away so... And if you think only a girl could write this , well... I suppose I won't be offended!