#152: Take Me To Paradise: Part Two
Soundtrack: 10. Tove Lo - Scars // 11. Maxïmo Park - Brain Cells // 12. Hozier - Take Me To Church (The Golden Pony Remix) // 14. EXO - Sing For You // 15. Charlotte OC - Cut The Rope // 16. Jonghyun - Hallelujah // 17. Tove Lo - The Way That I Am
???
IV. WHAT DOESN'T KILL US
When Luhan sat in school the next day, he still felt beyond agitated. He wanted to confront Sehun about yesterday's incident. He ought to hear an explanation from the younger boy, at least.
But Sehun didn't come to school that day. And neither did he the day after. In fact, the boy didn't show up for the rest of the week, which gave Luhan's feelings the time to transform from anger into confusion and mild worry. He remembered again, how Sehun took some pills when he visited him and how he had an excuse note for the sports lessons. So Luhan wondered … What sort of sickness was it that the other was dealing with? It was clearly an illness; that much was obvious by now.
On Saturday Luhan had enough and decided to visit Sehun again. He was nervous when he approached the doorstep. His fingers kept moving anxiously and his teeth wouldn't stop chewing on his lower lip. There had been something about the last time he saw Sehun … something that made him feel like he was trying to balance on a tightrope high above the ground, dreading to fall. Something about what he had witnessed felt like clawing into his guts and ripping around within him. And the more he replayed the scene in front of his mind's eye, the worse this feeling got.
Timidly he rung the bell and waited for someone to open the door. Luhan faced a middle-aged woman with short hair and a friendly but confused smile, whom he figured to be Sehun's mother, Mrs Jeong.
“Hello, how can I help you?” she asked.
“I am Luhan, one of Sehun's schoolmates,” Luhan explained. “We're supposed to be working on a project for our Biology class together but he didn't come to school since the last time we've met. I just … wanted to know if he's alright and when we'll be able to meet again. Is he home?”
“Yes, he is. Come in, my dear. I will call him.” She led Luhan into the living room that was a lot more cleaned up compared to the last time he sat there. No more boxes in the corner. Then she went up the stairs to call her son.
Luhan sat on the sofa, waiting in silence while he went through what he wanted say to Sehun again. He had been reciting the same sentences over and over, yet still he felt like he would mess them up as soon as he were to face the younger again.
When he heard steps, Luhan looked up to see Sehun, dressed in sweat pants and a loose shirt that accentuated his broad shoulders, leisurely trotting down the stairs behind his mother, who quickly disappeared in the kitchen.
“Hey,” Sehun mumbled uncomfortably.
Luhan noted how the younger tried to avoid looking him in the eyes. “Hey,” he greeted back a little frosty. “You didn't come to school all week.”
“I know, I'm sorry. I guess I should have told you somehow. Should have given you my phone number or something, I guess …” He still avoided looking at Luhan, constantly keeping his gaze focused on whatever else came into his sight.
“Yes, you should have. After all, we agreed on meeting again last time.”
“Yes, I know, I'm sorry.” Sehun sounded quite crestfallen.
“You said that already,” Luhan responded snappily.
“I know.”
“Then I hope you also know, that you owe me an explanation.”
Sehun sighed deeply. He had been aware that Luhan would demand one from him but he wasn't keen on giving him one at all.
“I'm waiting,” Luhan pressed and his right foot started tapping on the floor in an edgy pace. “You shouted at me last time and I still have no idea what was going on. You kicked me out!”
Sehun's head dropped visibly. “I know, I am sorry.” He sighed again. “Unfortunately though, I cannot promise for that to never happen again.”
Luhan raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What? Why?”
The younger rummaged around in his pants pocket until he drew out a small box of pills that he put on the table for Luhan to see. “I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this. It's a private matter and I don't really want people to know,” Sehun stated in no uncertain terms.
The older nodded but kept on eyeing the other warily.
“About ten years ago I … got very, very sick. I was close to dying actually …” Sehun began and Luhan felt how hard it was for him to speak about this. “I got saved by the doctors but there is still a big risk that what happened back then might happen again in the future. To prevent this - and to keep other side effects of the operation in line - I have to take various sorts of medications. And whereas the amount of pills decreased over time while my rehabilitation made progress, I still have to take some of them.” He pointed at the little box. “However, it appeared that in my case, I can't always handle the medication all that well. Sometimes they influence my brain that much, that I … forget. It's causing me to have some sort of short term amnesia, more or less, and that's also what happened last week. These days it doesn't happen that often anymore so I got very surprised and shocked myself when it hit me again. I'm sorry that I went on at you like that. I was just super confused to see you there and I knew something was wrong and … I'm sorry.” Sehun's voice grew more frantic and nervous the more he spoke.
“It's okay,” Luhan interrupted him hoarsely. All of a sudden he felt really bad for putting the younger through the mill like that. “You don't have to apologize for that.”
“Still, I'm sorry.”
“Don't be. It's not your fault.”
Sehun sighed again. He had lost count how many times he had heard that sentence before.
“May I … May I ask what sickness it was that you had?” Luhan dared.
“I would rather not speak about that. Yet,” Sehun responded and looked up into the other's eyes for the first time today.
Luhan could see that he must have cried a lot during the past few days and he seemed very exhausted on an emotional level. “Are there any other pills that don't cause these side-effects?” the older asked.
“There are. But they only recently went on sale. When I got another amnesia attack last week my mom drove immediately to the doctor. That is actually the real reason why we moved here in the first place. There is a specialist for cases like mine living in the city nearby so it's easier for my parents to get proficient help for me in case of an emergency. He prescribed me those new pills that I'm taking since then. I didn't go to school so that we could see how well they worked out for me. So far everything seems to be fine so I will be coming to school next week again.”
“I see,” Luhan mused with worry in his eyes. He didn't expect Sehun to deal with troubles like this. “Well, I will pray that these new pills keep on working for you and that your condition will improve.”
“Don't pray!” Sehun uttered sharply.
Luhan promptly felt like he just got smacked in the face with a brick. He turned towards the younger with big eyes. Oh right … he forgot … But he felt hurt, nevertheless.
“Why do you have to be like this?” Luhan hissed indignantly. “Just because you have some sickness doesn't give you the right to throw stuff like this at me.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I was just trying to be nice, y'know. And saying that I hope -”
“Then say hope!” Sehun stated, unimpressed. “Praying never works. Especially not for stuff like this. Believe me, I tried.”
“Do you even realize how rude you are? Telling stuff like that to people who believe in God … What have I done to you?”
“It's nothing personal, don't worry. I just had some really bad experiences revolving around that topic in the past,” Sehun explained dryly while raising an eyebrow.
“You could at least try to find a nicer way to tell me if you have to insist on stuff like that. It's not like I want to make anyone uncomfortable …” Luhan almost screeched.
“You wouldn't care, you wouldn't listen.”
“How would you know? How do you know me so well all of a sudden?”
“I know, because I tried that way many times before. People don't care about my wishes if I don't speak clearly. They are too caught up in their own superstitions.”
“But how would you know that I am the same? How could you generalize like this?”
“I don't have the time and patience to try it out again and again. At some point one has to learn to rely on what he knows and experienced,” Sehun responded sincerely. Whereas Luhan's voice had gotten louder and grown more intemperate, the younger had stayed calm and in control as if he had held that conversation a million times before.
And that was the moment when Luhan realized that Sehun had probably done exactly that. For a while he couldn't respond anything, and awkward, tense silence enfolded between them once again. Sehun's stern gaze was glued on Luhan and made the latter feel incredibly nervous as he shifted in his seat.
“What is that you have against my belief?” Luhan eventually asked with a distastefully wrinkled mouth. “Like seriously, I came here to talk about your absence at school, the Biology project and you kicking me out last time - literally everything else - and now we are fighting over this again. So, what is it?”
Sehun debated whether he should actually tell Luhan. His problems and past were none of the latter's business. But eventually he decided to do so since he already figured Luhan to be an incredibly inquisitive and insistent person. The older would probably never stop bugging Sehun until he got an answer. The younger sighed. “Fine, but don't tell me I didn't warn you. My … my mom isn't my real mother. I am adopted,” he started off and Luhan immediately felt like his heart leapt into his throat.
“I lived with my real parents until I was eight years old,” Sehun continued. “We were literally the perfect family of our neighborhood,” he huffed sarcastically. “Always proper, always neat and spotless. Always going to church on Sundays, always morally superior to the rest of the peasants … My parents like to preach at home that God was good and just. He would send the good ones to heaven and the bad ones to hell. As long as I stayed on his path he would watch over me, protect me from harm and evil. He wouldn't punish me if I never did anything wrong. They liked to warn me about the devil that hid himself and would try to seduce me … As if little me would understand what the fuck even seduction was. My parents were strict, incredibly strict. And also … incredibly religious and Christian,” Sehun hissed those last words despise in his voice.
All the while Luhan sat on the edge of his seat, hands gripped into the cushions while he anxiously listened to what Sehun had to say. The suffocating feeling within him grew with every word the younger uttered.
“They were so strict …” the latter added, “… that they would never let me play with kids that were not from strongly Christian families as well. They went to my elementary school and wanted to forbid the teachers to teach me certain topics because they thought they weren't appropriate for me to know. Fortunately the school didn't care much about that. But every time I learned about those topics my parents would teach me God's truth when I got home. They were just really … crazy. They wouldn't let me get vaccinated because they thought it was a possible intervention with God's plans and whatever bullshit they liked to make up in their deluded minds.” Sehun huffed and rubbed his nose bridge with his long fingers. “Once I got very sick with a severe lung inflammation. They didn't bring me to a doctor or hospital even though they would have had the money to do so. They said if it was God's plan to save me I would heal on my own. And they said that if I died like this it was probably for something bad I had done, because after all … God wouldn't punish me if I didn't deserve it.”
Luhan's eyes widened. How could anyone tell something like this to their child? The older saw how severely those words must have affected the little Sehun back then and were still affecting him.
Sehun blinked away the few teardrops that formed in the corner of his eyes. After a short break he spoke again. “I think I would have died from the pneumonia if it hadn't been for one of my teachers. She was my classroom teacher back then and she got worried about me because I hadn't shown up in school for over two weeks. And we had that rule that in case we were sick for that long, a medical certificate was necessary. My parents obviously couldn't hand one in, so my teacher wanted to know what was going on. She came to our house with the school work I missed and more or less caught my parents by surprise. They tried to make up some sort of bullshit excuse but my teacher eventually realized what was going on and called the police. I got taken away from my parents, thankfully, and was brought to the hospital where the doctors saved my life. My parents were later sent to prison for mentally and physically abusing me since they put me through such brainwashing and didn't help me when I was sick. My teacher and her husband were the ones who adopted me and … they are my parents now.”
Luhan looked at Sehun, whose features seemed to soften when he started speaking about his new family. “I see, I am sorry that this happened to you,” he muttered for the lack of better words. He felt like he needed to tell Sehun so much more but couldn't find a way to phrase it better.
“Thanks, I guess …” Sehun mumbled and looked down. “You see … While I was sick back then, I constantly thought that God hated me, you know … Eight years old and dying from pneumonia, it was painful for me to even breathe, I was coughing all the time and all my parents did was stand there and look at me like I was some sort of abomination. They seriously told me that I must have done something sinful if I was being punished liked this, that it was God's way to cleanse me of my sins … and if I deserved it I would live …” he sighed. “But I never did anything wrong, I told that to my parents. I was such an obedient child, I always did what they wanted, learned a lot and was good at school, I never complained and always tried to be humble. I never did anything wrong. But they told me I must have because otherwise our all-knowing and all-wise God wouldn't punish me. If I didn't do anything wrong maybe something was wrong with me, maybe I thought something wrong, maybe I had impure thoughts … As if an eight-year-old would know what impure thoughts are! I thought about their words a lot but I knew I never, never did anything wrong. So I thought that maybe God just hated me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to exist … that's what I thought as a child.”
Luhan could literally feel his heart breaking in his chest. He couldn't even imagine the pain and confusion, the suffering and self-hate little Sehun must have gone through. He wanted to say something comforting but yet again the words were stuck in his throat.
Deeply caught up in his memories, Sehun continued with a shaky voice. “But when my mom saved me from them and my illness got treated, I was also sent to a psychologist. He helped me deal with the trauma and everything … I thought about it, and I researched and made up my mind. Because … do you have any idea how crushing it is for such a trusting, little kid, to realize that the almighty creator of the universe hated him? That the very being he believed in, hated him? So I wondered and started to question all the stuff that my parents put into my head. The people I was around now and my new parents told me that my begetters were lunatics and mistreated me, that they lied to me. I wondered what all the things were that they lied about. Maybe God wasn't good and just. If he was, why would he let someone who didn't deserve it suffer so much? Especially, why would he let a child suffer that much? A child who barely understood all those religious rules and concepts … Maybe he wasn't a good God, maybe he was a hateful God that simply despised certain people just for fun. Maybe he liked to torture me until I died a painful death. Or maybe, maybe, God just didn't exist. Maybe my parents were simply crazy and malevolent people. Maybe I just had bad luck in the past but I'd still be able to do well in the future. So … that's why I think how I think and that's why I am naturally a little sensitive towards the whole topic of religion in general, and Christianity specifically,” Sehun ended his little speech.
“I understand,” Luhan responded sincerely after taking a moment to collect himself. “I will try not bring it up in the future, even though I can't promise that it will always work out since many of the things that I say are out of habit. I will try, though. But please also consider that I am not like your parents. Believers are all different and they clearly weren't true ones and -”
“Are you for real?” Sehun interrupted the other with a scowl. “I just told you my life story and how I got mistreated by my religiously bigoted parents and all you can do is justify yourself and your beliefs. I wasn't even talking about you this time and now you go and make it about your -”
The sound of coughing coming from the door to the living room interrupted Sehun's ramble. It was the younger's mom that shot a short glare at the both of them. “Don't you two want to learn?” She asked to defuse the situation.
Sehun sighed heavily and Luhan gulped with the uncomfortable feeling of being caught doing something that he shouldn't. The younger stood up and walked up the stairs. “I'll go get my stuff,” he muttered.
When he was gone his mother walked over to Luhan, who eyed her nervously. What would she tell him? She must have heard quite a bit of their conversation.
“What Sehun just told you isn't something that he has told many people. It's something very private to him that he doesn't like speaking about - or thinking for that matter,” she explained calmly. “You just heard it. He connects religion, God, all those things with everything bad that happened in his past. And whereas I know you mean him no harm, Luhan … even the attempt to put these beliefs in a positive context is very painful to him. To him it sounds like you are trying to find a justification for what those people did, for what these memories are still doing to him.”
Luhan needed to suppress a shiver. Her urgent words hit him hard. “But that's not what I meant to do. Not at all. I really am not like them. I would never -”
“I know,” the woman answered with a sad smile. “And Sehun knows that, too. He knows that it depends on the people, and only the people. It was people who saved him, people who shaped his persona and character, people who helped, people who turned him down, people who made him suffer. It's only been people. But no God. Not to him.”
“But it's the same with every belief,” Luhan tried to voice his feelings. “He shouldn't blame the entire group for what a few have done. No matter how horrific his past was, it doesn't give him the right to act like I want to torture him. I always just intended the best. And it hurts me too if he spews curses about my belief. It's a feeling that is very important to me. It is to many people; it helps them to survive bad times, it means hope and comfort to them.”
Sehun's mother sighed and wrinkles appeared on her forehead. “I know, Luhan, I know. But for Sehun - and also partly for myself - the perspective on the whole matter simply changed. Yes, religion helps a lot of people, I am aware of that and it is also the cause of many good deeds. But at the same time it is also the cause of many wrong-doings and horrible crimes, just like in Sehun's case. And I am not sure whether the advantages outweigh the drawbacks for him. Sehun surely doesn't think so.”
Luhan's gaze dropped to the floor. He felt so much guilt erupting within him. He knew he ought to shut up now but one question was still lingering in his mind. “Why doesn't he think that God did save him after all? Because … that's what I think. You saved him, didn't you? Maybe God sent you to him.”
She chuckled lightly. “I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, Luhan, but … Sehun didn't tell you everything. When I found him and brought him to the hospital, he wasn't exactly saved. The lung inflammation triggered another disease and he got even sicker. It's the reason he still has to take the pills and is still in danger of getting that sickness again. But that's not my story to tell. You'd better ask him that yourself. But not today, please. What he told you today was probably troubling enough for him already.”
“Yes, thank you, Mrs Jeong,” Luhan mumbled, deep in thought.
She turned around and walked back into the kitchen when she heard her son coming back down.
Luhan sighed, knowing very well that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on Biology. The thoughts in his head were whirring around and giving him a headache.
Luhan couldn't find sleep that night again, which seemed to be happening a lot more since he met Sehun. The sad and traumatized look in the younger's eyes when he told his somber story still haunted him. The words his mother spoke to Luhan also added to the unpleasant feelings growing in his chest. He felt as if today's events tried to scratch on the foundation of his beliefs and thus, a big part of himself. A truly unsettling notion.
He stared at the cross on his wall in confusion. Why did Sehun have to suffer so much?, he asked silently, but didn't get an answer.
~
2 months later:
Surprisingly, Luhan and Sehun became very good friends. And very quickly, too.
After Luhan uttered an awkward but honest apology, Sehun promised not to snap at the older again and the two of them agreed on giving the topic of religion a wide berth. They could deal with each other's presence a lot better then. They regularly met to work on their project twice a week and became quite acquainted.
To the bafflement of both of them, they found themselves to have rather fitting personalities. They started to get to know each other's hobbies and interests, learned about their hopes and dreams for the future.
Luhan found out that Sehun wished to be a doctor later, so naturally he was putting in a lot of work to get accepted at one of the top universities in Seoul after their graduation. Luhan also wanted to study at the SKY-Universities but he wasn't sure about the subject yet. Currently he was hovering between law and international business, but he guessed that since he didn't attend a renowned language school, he would probably end up in law.
They had similar tastes in music and films too. Often after they declared their work for the project done for the day, they would keep on spending time together and just comfortably lay down on the sofa with some microwave popcorn or one of the instant meals from the convenience stores while watching a superhero movie - or alternatively, a TV series. Once, they even went to the cinema together to watch a newly released one.
They liked to wander off together after school to one of the coffee shops in town for bubble tea, after which they would sit down together in the little park nearby and tell each other funny stories or complain about some of their annoying teachers.
Sehun got to know Luhan's best friend Jongin and quickly developed a friendship with the latter as well. Luckily Sehun didn't have any other episodes of amnesia during that time. The new pills really seemed to work, much to his and his family's relief.
All in all, Luhan and Sehun managed to spend a great time together despite how badly they had started off.
It was an ordinary school day when things began to change.
Sehun left his Math class together with Luhan, both groaning about the amount of homework they just received, when Sujeong, a girl who attended class with them, jumped into their focus.
Luhan and Sehun looked at each other in bewilderment at her sudden appearance and the expectant look in her eyes.
“Can … we help you?” Sehun asked.
The girl bit her lip shyly and her cheeks turned red. “Sehun, uhm … I just … I am sorry if this is uncomfortable for you now or something, but … I really l-like you and I always see you in class but I was never brave enough to actually speak to you and I didn't know if you even saw me so I just have to tell you now,” she spoke hastily, “C-Could we maybe go out some day?”
“Oh!” Now Sehun's cheeks turned beet red as well. He didn't expect this.
Luhan stared at the two with big eyes, equally surprised.
“Sujeong …” Sehun began carefully.
“Yes?”
“I … I feel flattered, but … sorry. I don't think I like you the same way you like me. I'm sorry.” He desperately side-eyed Luhan with a silent scream for help out of this awkward situation.
But Luhan didn't know what to say either.
“Oh,” Sujeong muttered crestfallenly and her face was now glowing red in embarrassment. “Sorry for bothering you, Sehun,” she whispered with tears in her eyes and quickly ran away.
Sehun saw how she disappeared in the crowd of students and felt really bad for turning her down like that. But what was he supposed to say?
“Dude,” Luhan blurted out.
“What?” Sehun asked with mild irritation in his voice.
“You don't want to go out with her?” The older responded in disbelief.
“No … I barely know her,” Sehun explained.
“You could get to know her.”
“I don't want to.”
“She's cute and pretty and really nice. And clever, too.”
“She is, but I don't want to. Not like that at least.”
“Why not?” Luhan asked for his lack of understanding. Sujeong was a popular girl actually and a lot of boys at school secretly dreamed of dating her.
“Luhan … I'm gay.”
“… Oh.”
“Is … that a problem?” Sehun asked warily.
“No … it's not.”
???
V. REAL EXPERIENCES
The plan for the day had been to watch another movie together, but it seemed like that had to wait.
Luhan and Sehun had left school together after saying goodbye to Kai who had bugged them to let him be part of one of their movie evenings, too. On their way to Sehun's home the latter had already noticed how quiet the other had been.
Now Luhan sat on the couch and was still incapable of saying a word while Sehun let down the shutters. He sat on the edge of his seat and seemed thoroughly tense and anxious.
“It's because I told you I'm gay, right?” Sehun mused loudly while he put a bag of popcorn into the microwave. Out of the corner of his eye he could see how Luhan flinched at his words.
“Sorry,” the older muttered.
Sehun walked back to his friend and stood in front of him with crossed arms. “Do I make you uncomfortable now? Do you hate me?” he openly asked.
“No, no!” Luhan answered too quickly. “I'm just surprised. I would have never guessed that …”
“Yeah, I figured as much.”
“I just never met a gay person before,” Luhan admitted. “I have no idea how to behave now.”
“Just behave like you always did! I'm the same person as before. You just happen to know more about me now,” Sehun stated.
“Yeah, I guess …” Luhan sighed and stared at his hands, kneading them nervously.
Thankfully the microwave started to beep, bringing them out of the uncomfortable situation.
After Sehun came back from the kitchen he silently placed the bowl on the coffee table and started browsing his family's online video store. “The Dark Knight?” he asked casually.
“Hm,” Luhan nodded.
The younger was well aware of how tense the brunette still was. “Come on!” he declared with light frustration apparent in his voice. “What is it? Spit it out!”
“Uhm …” Luhan began, “I was just wondering … As a gay guy … do you find me attractive, Sehun?”
Sehun's attention sprung to Luhan immediately. “Why would you ask me that?” he asked flabbergasted.
“I just want to know. Answer me honestly!”
Sehun stared at the older with big eyes, his heart beginning to speed up in his chest. “Yeah … you're pretty attractive …” he confessed.
“Oh … I see …” Luhan turned his attention towards the screen, leaving Sehun wondering why the hell the older wanted to know that and what this truth would change about their friendship and … and … and …
“Gosh, Luhan! Why did you have to make it so awkward?!” he groaned and buried his face in the cushions. “Uhhhhh …”
Luhan couldn't help but start giggling. The younger’s desperation looked way too adorable.
“Shut up!” Sehun growled and threw a handful of popcorn at Luhan. “You were the one asking dumb questions.”
“Hahaha … sorry!”
“You better be!” Sehun responded playfully grumpy but even he couldn't hold back his laughter anymore.
Luhan felt relief flooding through when the tense atmosphere disappeared and their usual childish mood returned. He had noticed how Sehun seemed more cautious towards him after he came out at school, so naturally the older felt glad to see the other smile so freely again now.
It had been the first time that Luhan and Sehun had watched a movie together when Luhan decided that making Sehun happy was one of his top priorities from then on. It had been a funny movie and every time a joke flickered on the screen, Sehun's otherwise emotionless or permanently scowling face would turn into the happiest of smiles, eyes turning into the shapes of crescent moons and his wide, gleeful and goofy but addictive laughter. Luhan had been surprised that Sehun was even capable of expressing so much joy. He knew he shouldn't have been, but he had.
This had also been the day that Oh Sehun wiggled his way into Luhan's heart. Despite all the bad things that happened in his past, Sehun was full of hope, full of dreams, full of wishes and so full of love and vitality. The younger's spirit had captured Luhan completely and he didn't intend on ever letting it go.
“Where are you always going that you end up coming home so late?” Luhan's mother asked suspiciously while she stood next to the stove, slicing lemons.
“Oh … I, uhm …” Luhan hem and hawed. He knew his mother wouldn't be too pleased about the fact that he regularly met with the son of the heathens, which was how she started to refer to them after she had yet another encounter with Sehun's mom. “I just meet with the guy that I have to do my Biology presentation with.”
“And who is that, Luhan? You never told me,” she responded accusingly.
“It's … uhm … Sehun.”
Her body froze for a moment. “That heathen boy?” she asked with a voice strained like a tightrope.
“… Yes …”
“Why haven't you told me?”
“I … didn't think it was important …” That was a lie. He knew it was too important to his mother wherefore he would have preferred to never be in the position of actually having to tell her.
“Didn't I forbid you to associate with him?!” Luhan's mother snarled sharply.
“Uhm, technically you didn't …”
“Well, then I am going to be clear now. I don't want to you to have any contact with that boy.”
“Mom … that's kind of inevitable. We have to finish the project together after all.”
“Why on earth would you choose him?” She looked at her son, aghast.
“I didn't, mom. We got assigned to work with our seatmates.”
“You're sitting next to him?!”
“I kind of didn't choose that either.”
“Ask your teacher to change that assignment!”
“I'm nineteen, mom, and-”
“-and as long as you live in this house you will do as I say!” she interrupted Luhan with anger in her voice.
“Mom, nobody could change their project partners!”
“Ask your teacher or I will do it!”
“Mom, please!” Luhan was slowly getting agitated, too. He was usually a very calm person, even when dealing with his mother's moody outbursts. After all, he was used to it by now. But no matter how calm he was, Luhan felt like she was crossing a line here. “We've been working on this for over two months now. If I would start a new project now I would have to start from scratch again and I would only have half of the time left to finish. Not to mention that it would be really unfair towards Sehun.”
His mother glared at him for a second. “Fine!” she spat. “But after you're done with the project I don't want you to talk to him ever again.”
Luhan sighed. “Why do you hate him so much? You don't even know him …”
“I don't have to!”
~
2 months later:
“My mother doesn't want me to see you again,” Luhan stated suddenly while his eyes were fixed on the screen.
Sehun turned his gaze towards him in mild surprise while he was licking ice cream. “Really? Why?”
“Because you and your family are, you know … not going to church and stuff,” the older mumbled.
“Oh, I see.” Sehun turned his eyes back to the screen as well. “Will you listen to her?”
“I'm nineteen.”
“I take that as a no.”
“Technically I shouldn't be speaking to you right now …”
“Why so?”
“She told me to break off the contact with you after we finished our project. Which we did …”
“Well, we're here, celebrating our successful presentation. If you lay it out flexibly this is still part of the process,” the younger giggled.
“Guess the celebrations will take very long then, right?” Luhan joined in and watched the other enjoy his ice cream from the corner of his eye. Disconcertingly, the brunette didn't seem to be able to look away from Sehun's pinkish tongue that moved around the chocolate so tantalizingly.
Sehun had been rather happy lately. Summer vacation had started and he was spending a nice and comfortable time with his family and friends.
He was sort of dreading the highly intensive phase of preparing for his finals that would start at school after the vacation, but for now he pushed back that thought into the deepest corners of his mind.
All the medication he recently took seemed to display no negative side effects anymore - at least not ones that he couldn't handle. He hadn't had another attack of amnesia in over four months. That had to be a new personal record and he was very satisfied with it and ultimately accepted that it had been a good idea to move here.
His parents also seemed to enjoy the place despite its disturbingly religious community. But at the end of the day, most people turned out to not be as believing as they pretended to be. At least that's what Sehun's mom always liked to tell him, and it was most definitely true to some extent. She always heard the most ridiculous and amusing rumors at the bakery. According to her, a good portion of the people here in town only went to church regularly to not fall in the disfavor of Luhan's mother, who turned out to be a highly influential woman since her husband worked as the assistant of the mayor. Apparently she once managed to get two elementary students expelled from school for bullying a friend of Luhan's. Sehun's mom, as a teacher herself, thought that that was completely ridiculous. Sure, a bully deserved punishment, she thought, but expelling elementary students would change nothing about their characters and only destroy their futures. Sehun just agreed in silence.
The latter still enjoyed meeting Luhan, which he never thought would be possible when they first met. They had clashed so much; but after removing the one barrier that kept them from even properly getting to know each other, they discovered many similarities between them. The two of them indeed seemed as if they were meant to be friends.
Friends …
After a while Sehun wasn't so sure anymore whether that was the sort of relationship he wanted it to be.
“Luhaaaaan!” Jongin whined while he dropped himself on the latter's bed. “Why do you ignore me all the time?”
“Huh?” Luhan looked at him in confusion. “I don't ignore you.”
“Yes, you do. We barely met outside school these past few months. You only met with Sehun. Are you forgetting your best friend?” Jongin wailed jokingly.
Luhan huffed. “I met with him because of the project.”
“Don't lie to me, dumbass. I know you've also been meeting without actually doing anything.”
“Yeah, we kinda became friends,” Luhan admitted. “But I am not forgetting you, Jongin. As you said … you are my best friend after all. And as much as I like spending time with Sehun, I have basically known you all my life. We've gone through a lot together. So no need to be jealous, you and me are on a level of friendship that even Sehun can't compete with, okay?”
“Who said I'm jealous?”
Luhan just raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, fine, fine!” Jongin sighed. “Maybe I am a little jealous. I am just so used to us being super close friends and having no other such close friends anywhere near us that I got used it, I think.”
“I am not accusing you or anything … I guess it would have happened like that the other way round, too.”
“Yeah, probably …” Jongin mused. “But still, though … You could start spending more time with me again. I miss you, dude …”
“Sure thing,” Luhan smiled when his phone vibrated in his pants pocket. He hesitated to look at the message instantly because he didn't want to interrupt his first proper meeting with his best friend in a long time.
Jongin stared at him, already knowing who it was. “Come on!” he rolled his eyes. “Take out your damn phone. I know you want to.”
Luhan sighed in surrender and looked at his message. Sehun …
Jongin saw the smile spreading on his friend's lips and started giggling. “Dude, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in love. Looking so fondly at your phone …”
“Oh, shut up!”
~
“Scoot over!” Sehun commanded with a bowl of popcorn in his hands.
“Always so disrespectful …” Luhan joked but complied and moved to the side so that the younger could drop onto the couch next to him. By now the former felt quite at home in Sehun's living room. After all, he had been here so many times.
Luhan had dimmed the lights and closed the shutters earlier so that the room was now swallowed by darkness, aside from the familiar shine of the television. Outside it was raining heavily and the drops were hitting against the window, but the two of them couldn't be bothered by the arising storm now.
They spent their evening as usual, feeding on popcorn and too many soft drinks with their eyes fixed on the screen. They enjoyed each other's company silently aside from an occasional comment on the happenings.
But halfway into the movie they suddenly heard a loud clap of thunder resounding above the noise of the film. A second later the TV turned off.
“What the fuck was that?” Sehun asked into the darkness of the room.
“A blackout?” Luhan guessed. He turned on his phone to lighten up his surroundings.
Sehun stood up and tried to turn on the TV again. “Dead.” He tried switching the light back on but that didn't work as well. In the fuse all the switches were how they were supposed to be. “I guess it really is a blackout.”
Luhan raised the blinds again and looked down the street that was equally dark without the lanterns to lighten up the night. “It's everywhere. I guess we'll have to wait.”
“Yeah. Man … that sucks.”
“Yeah. Should we call your parents?”
“Nah, they went out today. I don't wanna disturb their time together. And chances are that they have to deal with that blackout, too.”
They slumped back down onto the sofa, staring at the wall.
“What should we do?” Luhan asked after a while. “Who knows how long we'll have to wait until we get power back.”
“We could sleep.”
“You serious?” Luhan asked, laughing in slight disbelief.
“You got a better idea?” Sehun stared at the direction of where he saw the outlines of Luhan's face.
A lighting flashed across the sky and lightened up the room for a brief moment.
“No,” Luhan admitted. “Come here!”
Sehun shifted up and they laid down together, their legs unconsciously entangling with each other, while the younger rested his head next to Luhan's but turned his back on him. He felt the older shifting against him and his heart started fluttering in a pace that was very new to him. Sehun was glad that the other couldn't see his face right now - it would have been bright red.
Luhan squirmed again. “Why on earth are your shoulders so big, Hunnie?” he mumbled and poked the younger's back.
Sehun giggled. “Stop it or I'll kick you. Sleep.”
“Fine,” Luhan smiled and rested his head close to Sehun's neck.
The latter could feel the hot breath on his skin and a million butterflies erupted within his tummy. He felt like emitting a gleeful squeal and could barely control himself. He tried to concentrate on finding sleep but Luhan slinging his arm around his waist kept him awake until long after the older had fallen asleep.
Sometime later Luhan drowsily opened his eyes again, and found himself staring right at Sehun's sleepy face.
The storm had subsided outside and the dim moonlight shone through the windows, illuminating the younger's handsome features in the most enchanting way. Like this, he seemed so flawless, peaceful, innocent.
Luhan gulped. Something about the situation made him feel so exposed all of a sudden. He was squashed in between Sehun and the backrest of the couch. At some point during his sleep the latter must have turned around for his nose was now merely a centimeter away from Luhan's.
Too close … He gulped again. His throat felt so incredibly dry. Long shadows were cast of Sehun's lashes and his tongue unconsciously darted out of his mouth to lick his lips while he sounded a soft sigh.
Luhan felt like he was in trance when he slowly reached out to tenderly caress the younger's cheek, his thumb softly following the outline of Sehun’s features and carefully coming closer towards these plum, rosy lips. They fascinated Luhan and drew him in with a force that he could neither explain nor had ever experienced before.
Sehun opened his eyes.
Luhan felt his heart skip a beat and then speed up right away.
The younger didn't say a word. He just returned Luhan's hypnotized look and licked his lips again.
Unconsciously their faces moved closer and closer until their expectant lips almost touched.
Luhan was holding his breath; Sehun's hitched.
They kissed.
Gently, they allowed their lips to meet and enjoyed the explosive feeling of warmth and affection that erupted between them.
Luhan swore he could hear the angels when his mouth opened and his tongue dared to lick across those luscious lips and taste the sweetness of the boy he had learned to admire so much. His hands slowly moved to the younger's nape to draw him even closer. Closer was all he needed right now. Closer, closer, CLOSER.
From Sehun's mouth escaped the most beautiful moan when the older started nibbling on his lower lip. “Luhan …”
Luhan felt a fire start in his mind when he heard that lovely sound. He sat up abruptly and pulled the spellbound Sehun with him to sit on his lap.
Sehun was still too surprised and run over by the whole situation to even grasp what was happening. He was still halfway convinced that he was dreaming the most beautiful of dreams. Luhan's tongue was skilled the way it worked around his lips, the way it silkily stroked around Sehun's. Too much endorphins flooded Sehun’s brain, leaving his head light and overjoyed. Gleefully he took his place on Luhan’s lap and tangled his fingers into the brunette's locks to pull him near again.
Their lips rejoined passionately, and this time it was Luhan who sounded a moan, throaty and greedy.
Something in the back of the older's mind screamed at him to stop, that there were too many reasons he shouldn't be doing this, that the consequences wouldn't be pretty. But he didn't care. He would never be able to care about any of that ever again.
Because right then and there - with the way Sehun's fingers gently caressed him, the way Sehun's lips eagerly responded to every urgent kiss, the way Sehun desperately tried to catch his breath and keep on kissing him at the same time, the way Sehun's hips slowly started to move and grind and push against his - Luhan decided that Oh Sehun was perfect for him.
Perfect.
After a while Sehun detached his lips from the desirable lock hold. “Please tell me that you won't be disgusted tomorrow,” he whispered huskily, fear apparent in his voice. His grip tightened on Luhan's nape.
The latter stroked the younger's waist reassuringly. “I promise I won't.”
???
Part 3