Cabaret: Part 1
From: Freeza
Title: Cabaret
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~33000
Prompt: cabaret: a restaurant with live entertainment (Sehun is a stuffy journalist who forgot how to live and Luhan is dancer that is teaching him how to dream again).
Warning/s: smut, crossdressing
Soundtrack: 1. The Civil Wars - Dance Me To The End Of Love // 2. Angus & Julia Stone - Love Will Take You // 3. Selena Gomez - Same Old Love // 4. Ratatat - Wildcat // 5. Wonder Girls - I Feel You // 6. Lady Gaga - Do What U Want
۞۞
CHAPTER 1
Sehun is a square.
There is no point in neither denying it nor trying to describe it in a less condescending way.
Sehun is a square.
There is probably no one in this world who fits the description of a square better than him. And I'm the storyteller - I must know.
Sehun works in a cramped, little office for one of the many daily newspapers that you will take a short look at while walking past the display with steaming coffee-to-go in your hand as you rush to the subway station trying to catch the next train. Or maybe you wouldn't even take a look at all. You wouldn't even consider buying a newspaper. Because … why would you?
We're living in modern times. Everything that's plastering the headlines as so-called “news” was most likely new the day before, but you already knew that! After all, you are keeping up with the times and have internet. This may sound ridiculous to you, because … Hell, who doesn't have internet? Who doesn't check on latest news or gets automatically bombarded with them on the news feed of the social network of your choice?
So yes, it actually is kind of ridiculous. But it's also a problem. A big problem. For the newspapers. Especially the small ones. Like Sehun's. With the internet, people had immediately access to thousands of sources, that they could read, watch and compare. Regular newspapers got completely left out.
So these newspapers had to think of a new strategy to stay alive. Either that or they would sooner or later go bankrupt. The best option was probably to focus on things you couldn't just easily find on the internet; meaning, they did more exclusive interviews with high ranking personalities, provided background information, insider reports and unveiled scandals with investigative journalism.
Well, at least, that's what they did when we're talking about big newspapers.
That's what Sehun wants to do, too. That's what gives you money, fame and gets your name out there. That's what makes you a prestigious journalist. But … Sehun can't and judging from his current position, he never will.
Because, unfortunately, Sehun's newspaper isn't a big publishing house and thus, settled for the - saver - second option. And that is to focus on the only regular readers left - the old people.
Which is … frustrating … to say the least.
Especially for someone at the age of twenty-seven - soon to be turning twenty-eight - who would rather uncover fiscal evasion of politicians or interview international superstars.
Instead he has to spend his days in said cramped, little office, writing yet another article about budget cutbacks for local retirement homes, so that the addressed readership has an actual reason to get agitated in their old age and continues to buy their newspaper for updates.
To sum it up: With the word “resentment” Sehun's feelings towards his profession are very benevolently paraphrased.
But now you justifiably may ask: Is this enough to characterize someone as a square? After all, there are so many people in this world who are unhappy with their job. That's fairly enough reason.
Well … it's not just the the work he's doing and the fact that it's frustrating him, it's his whole attitude and dealings with his almost constant bad mood and the way he voluntarily or involuntarily lets it influence his private life and relationships with his very few friends.
If you were to pass Sehun by, you would unconsciously give him a small berth. He's radiating frustration and surrender and you really don't need and want that shit in your life. And you could smell the self-pity. It would stink to high heavens.
Besides that, you should see his home. You can tell a lot about people by seeing their apartments. And Sehun's is exceptionally boring and mediocre. Normally you would expect from people that their homes have like … a distinct style, a personality … Modern and fashionable or cozy and family-oriented, monochrome and chic, old-fashioned and expensive, colorful and happy and so on … But Sehun's home … it's just … boring … a beige couch, a medium-sized flat screen, a brown carpet, a shapeless bookshelf, table and chairs, wooden bed with white sheets, wardrobe with a mirror … yeah … oh, and a cupboard … wow … Except for a family photo on the nightstand there were no pictures at all, no posters, nothing that could tell that this guy has ANY experiences, dreams, aspirations or preferences … it's just boring. A home as bland as its owner.
And there are so many more things that count up to make Sehun the squariest of squares - the way he dresses, some problematic opinions, his (non-existent) music taste and a sickening amount of obedience and conformity - but I'm gonna stop here. I think you get the point.
To actually fathom his degree of averageness and squareness you have to see it yourself …
~
Sehun felt so very lifeless, as his fingers typed an article in a stuporic rhythm.
A steady clack-clack-clack could be heard echoing in his small office. The only sound besides his exhausted breathing and the background noise of by passing cars on the street outside. Rush hour was starting.
A look on the clock told Sehun he would be able to leave soon, too. However, he would still have to work a little at home, because there was no way he could finish the other three small articles in half an hour.
His eyes had been captured by the screen for quite some time now and the constant lack of blinking left them burning and tired. Fragile red veins started to stand out from the white.
He lifted up his glasses and massaged his nose bridge. A deep groan erupted from his throat. He grabbed his half-empty glass of water which tasted quite flat by now. A sudden picture of himself breaking the glass into pieces and slicing his own throat flashed through his mind. It caught him a little off guard but he wasn't as disturbed or appalled by his thoughts as he should have been.
He just continued typing.
When he could finally leave, he mechanically turned off the PC and stepped out of his office. Sehun wondered whether he should say goodbye to Chanyeol but figured that he was too tired and the other probably left already. His friend wasn't as reliable as him, after all. So he just grabbed his coat and plodded out the building.
It was a tiny bureau, just a few offices, a toilet and a place for the coffee machine - but what can you expect from a such a small newspaper? In the past it sold a lot better and the company had a big bureau in the city center but after the profit started to shrink they had to move to this hideous place. But that was even before Sehun's time, so he couldn't miss anything from the good old times as the elder journalists liked to point out. The newspaper had to dismiss a lot of its employees and was careful to hire new ones. So the people working there had actually a lot more work to do than before. They were fewer but still somehow had to fill a whole new issue everyday. The allotted work just wasn't manageable anymore. So, after a while, the head editor decided to release only three issues per week but the journalists were now constrained to focus a lot more on local stories to please the new - or actually old - readership.
Sehun was one of the few people that were newly hired at the newspaper. And even though he hated it there and would rather work at any other company, he still considered himself lucky. There were so many young people out there who wanted to achieve exactly the same thing as him, who also studied journalism and now chased after a stellar career. But no newspaper in the world still needed this many journalists, so Sehun was quite relieved that he actually got occupied at all. He also could be left unemployed and broke, like so many other people his age in South Korea. He didn't have the needed excellent grades (he had good grades - but not excellent) or impressive internships or semesters abroad to show to the big publishing houses. Never in a million years would any of them hire him, he figured back then when he finished his study and thus, he didn't even try to apply. He just wasn't good enough and he knew it, especially with this much competition.
So … even though he hated his job, Sehun was still kind of happy … kind of … at least, that's what he liked to tell himself.
Contrary to Sehun's assumptions Chanyeol didn't finish early as usual and left the building shortly after his grumpy colleague. He saw him stodgily walking in the direction of the closest subway station and ran after him.
“Sehun, SEHUN! Would you please wait!”, he shouted and a few near-by ahjummas pursed their lips at such a behavior. Today's youth …
Sehun turned around, surprised. “Oh, Chanyeol! I thought you're always leaving early.”, he exclaimed, an accusative tone of voice noticeable. They continued walking together at a slow pace.
“Yeah, usually …” Chanyeol laughed it off. “But today I finished the last article here, so I don't have to work at home for once.” Chanyeol smiled brightly, exceptionally happy about this decision. “So now I got free time. Do you maybe wanna go somewhere and have a drink? Celebrating the happy hour?” A mischievous smirk crossed his face.
Sehun just breathed heavily. “Sorry, I can't. Still got work to do. I swear if I have to write another article about financially struggling animal shelters I'm going to throw myself in front of a train.”
“Oh please, don't! We need your articles, man …” Even though he knew Sehun was joking, Chanyeol was still worried when he heard Sehun's complaint. He knew his friend for a little over three years now - ever since Sehun started working at the newspaper - and he never understood how the other could develop into such a broiling lump of negativity in such a short amount of time. You could basically see the whirlwind of misery hovering above his head in dark clouds. And it just got worse everyday.
“Man …”, Chanyeol started. “I really don't understand why you're even still working with us? Like … You hate it. Ever since a few months after you started, you just complain to me about this job and the company. You obviously work at the wrong place. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would miss you, but … why are you still working there?”
“Well, uhm …”, Sehun started hesitantly. “You know how our deputy head editor will be retiring soon. I want this position. The payment is better and I don't have to write these boring articles anymore. I could maybe write a little more exciting stuff.”
“Yeah, I know. You told me like ten-thousand times already. But Sehun! I don't know what air you are breathing but we focus on elders as our main audience. There will never be anything exciting about this. This job is convenient and orderly and that's it.” Chanyeol side-eyed his friend incredulously.
“Yeah, but I just really want a better position. That's how I always figured it would be.”
“Huh? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, I don't know … don't know how to explain it.”, Sehun muttered.
But the truth was, Sehun knew very well how to explain it. He just chose not to, because he already saw Chanyeol's reaction in his mind. He would look at him like he had totally lost it - again. But Sehun just really figured that this is what his life was supposed to be like. When his parents asked him to decide on a subject that would offer him a career later on, he chose journalism and by then he had his complete life already mapped out in his head. Study. Military service. Get a job. Work hard. Get a promotion. Get a wife. Marry. Get kids. Two. A boy and girl. Work until retirement. Be a grumpy grandfather. Die while sleeping. The End. That's what he always thought his life was supposed to be like. I mean, he was certain that's what a proper life was supposed to be like … right? … Right? … And because he was so certain, he would very well make sure, that it would turn out like this. Sehun didn't like surprises. And he didn't like it when things didn't go according to plan. Specifically his plan.
But he couldn't tell that to Chanyeol. The other would laugh at him. It's not like Chanyeol didn't have such expectations towards his own life as well, but he was still more … open. And he liked surprises. He was more willing to do risky stuff (well, risky in Sehun's eyes) and was more willing to feel free after work.
“Well …”, Chanyeol mused. “If that's what you really want, I don't see a reason, why you shouldn't get the promotion. I mean … there's not really anybody else, besides you, suitable for the position, right? You've been working your ass off ever since you heard that Mrs Shim would retire soon and that was two and a half years ago. I am certainly not going to apply for that, since I am very comfortable with writing the sports articles. And so is Junmyeon with his crossword and joke pages. Seohyun just started four months ago, so I don't see any reason why she should get the promotion. And you were literally kissing Mr Kwon's ass.”
“No, I wasn't.”, Sehun interjected meekly.
“Oh yes, you were!”, said Chanyeol emphatically. “Honestly, dude! You should see and hear yourself sometimes. You're such an asshamster. Oh Mr Kown, you're new jacket suits you wonderfully! Oh Mr Kwon, it's already finishing time but is there anything I can do for you? Oh Mr Kwon, can I kiss your feet and roll out a red carpet for you? Dude, I swear, it's so disgusting sometimes, if you weren't my friend, I'd punch you in the face.”
Sehun didn't answer.
He felt offended. I never do this, he thought.
But oh yes! He did this.
The two reached the subway station and were ready to part ways.
“Hey, sorry man!”, Chanyeol apologized. “I know you want this position. I just really can't understand how you can work for a promotion at a place you don't even want to work at.”
“Well …” Sehun didn't know what to answer.
“Hey, another thing I wanted to ask you …” Chanyeol swiftly changed the topic to avoid awkward silence. “I recently read about this new club-slash-restaurant-thingy near Itaewon. I wanted to go there, because I heard they offer great food and the shows are supposed to be excellently choreographed and entertaining. It's some sort of variety - a cabaret!”
Sehun puckered up his lips. “Chanyeol, you know I'm not much of a fan of such establishments.”
“Oh, shut it, Sehun! Stop being so being reserved all the time. Get out of your house for once! You'll gonna waste away in that apartment.”
“Well … I don't know …” Sehun didn't like being pressured into doing something outside of his comfort zone. But he also wanted to do something with Chanyeol again - outside of work, that is. It's been a long time since they last spent a nice evening together.
“Oh c'mon, Sehun! I'm sure it'll be a fun evening and you would have a reason to laugh again for a change. You could relax a little. And also … For what I know, you could maybe even like this club. I heard it's quite tasteful and expensive there, nothing for the … well, vulgar people …”, he huffed while saying this. “So it might even satisfy that un-acted out parvenu in you, huh … so what do you say? Maybe tomorrow? I mean, it'll be Friday …”
“I guess … I will think about it.”, Sehun answered sincerely.
“Okay.” Chanyeol was obviously pleased with this answered. It was hard enough to even make Sehun consider such an option.
They bid goodbye and left; Sehun with hanging head as usual.
~
After coming home, Sehun usually has a very special order of things to do. It's like a list that he has to get through. This strict plan may seem odd and even compulsive to others but for Sehun it's what helps him to get through his day. Just like he has list for his life, he has one for the details.
He always has a list.
Coat in the wardrobe. Lock the door. Place work documents on desk. Eat some rice and kimchi. Breathe. Finish work. Watch the news. Call parents. Shower. Sleep.
Sehun always works off his list on any day of the week of the year. It's easier for him. Easier to stay in control. In control of his life, his future, his plans.
Sehun is not a pedant. Or is he?
He himself likes to think, that he just wants to be proper, spotless, save and neat. There is just no place for excitement in his life. Excitement is distraction.
This evening while eating he thought about Chanyeol's suggestion. For once Sehun honestly considered it. Usually he would say no. Especially at such a spontaneous plan - yes, one day in advance is spontaneous according to Sehun. The idea of having to ruin his list, his plans for such an unnecessary event made him feel uncomfortable. But then then again, the “daring” part of his brain mused, he truly was extremely stressed and exhausted, since he had been working so much for the promotion. Maybe it'd be nice to have some fun again. Sehun didn't like distraction, but maybe he needed it.
And another thought popped up in his head. Maybe he could make this event part of his big list, too. He would soon get the promotion. He would need to find a girl to marry next. Maybe he should start looking. Even though Sehun was a complete disaster when it came to flirting and such, he understood enough to know that he wouldn't find a nice woman sitting in his apartment. Maybe he would find a nice girl while going out with Chanyeol. Of course not a girl that is actually working at one of those establishments or one that would visit such a place. That just wasn't proper. He could never introduce someone like that to his parents. But maybe outside in the streets. Or on they way. Or somehow … somewhere … whatever …
Sehun tried his best to convince himself to go with Chanyeol tomorrow. He knew his friend already thought he was an uptight square that didn't get laid. Well, it was true, but Sehun didn't want to give the other any more reasons to tease him about it. Every single time Sehun seemed particularly grumpy about his work and was complaining all day long, Chanyeol would ask him when he had sex the last time. Sehun never answered and just turned beet red. He wasn't a virgin (Sehun was uptight, but not THIS uptight), but he hadn't got laid in … a while. The reason why was a mystery even to Sehun himself. He knew some good sex would probably ease him a up a little bit but no … it just didn't happen.
When Sehun called his parents this evening, he felt quite deceitful. He still wasn't sure, whether he should go with Chanyeol tomorrow, but he was leaning towards yes. And just in case that's what he'll really do, he had to lie to his mother when she asked him about his plans for the weekend. And he would have to lie to her again, when she will ask him on Saturday, why he didn't call her as usual.
Sehun didn't like lying. At all. But sometimes it was necessary.
His mother would always ask him about his day - she was being extremely inquisitive while doing so. And Sehun would answer that there wasn't much to tell. He was working hard to get the promotion, that's all. And that was the truth. In the past these answers were usually enough to satisfy his mother. However, lately she started to ask a lot about him meeting girls and finding a wife. She wanted grandchildren so desperately. All of this was already part of Sehun's list, but hearing it from his mother as well, made him feel so pressured - more than usual.
This evening, after taking a warm shower, Sehun had trouble finding sleep. He was rolling around in his squary white sheets with his squary checked pajama on. He was worrying about the next day. He felt so uncomfortable, as if all the pressure was crushing him. And in this case he didn't even know what pressure exactly. The world's? Or his own?
While sleeping, Sehun was tossing around anxiously. He hadn't dreamed in quite a while. Or at least he couldn't remember.
~
Friday. The day that everyone, who doesn't have to work in shifts, is glad about having arrived.
Sehun was glad as well. He wouldn't have to finish all his work by the evening, he could do it the next day without any pressure. It was a lot less stressful and he was certainly enjoying that fact. Contributing to his good mood (well not exactly “good” but “less bad than usual”), that he was sporting for once, was the rumor he heard earlier from one of his older colleagues. Apparently Mr Kwon decided on who would get promotion. Sehun was positive that it was him. It was like Chanyeol put it yesterday; no one ever showed real interest in the position except him. But despite his more motivated state he felt anxious. Chanyeol hadn't asked him about the evening yet, but it was bound to happen soon.
Sehun was working in front of his PC again. When Mr Kwon would come in to inform him, he wanted to seem like the diligent and responsible person that he was. He even continued working when all his co-workers left for lunch.
Chanyeol came by his office with Seohyun at his side. “Come on, you workaholic.”, he joked. “I earlier heard your stomach growling even 'til my office.” Chanyeol seemed to have an exceptionally good mood as well. Maybe it was the sunny weather outside that lightened everyone up.
Sehun debated for a few seconds whether he should actually go but realized that Chanyeol would confront him about the cabaret anyways. He sighed and grabbed his coat. “Okay, let's go.”
The three went to a small restaurant only a few hundred meters away from the bureau. When they arrived, a few of their co-workers were already there eating the cheap yet tasty tteokbokki and samgyetang that made this place so popular.
While waiting for their food to be served, Chanyeol finally asked. “So, have you thought about it?”, he still sounded quite optimistic. “About today, I mean?”
“I … I'm still not sure, Chanyeol.”, Sehun admitted. “But I mean
… I guess …”
“C'mon, please Sehun. It's gonna be cool.”
“Oh, you guys got plans for the evening?”, Seohyun asked curiously as she overheard the conversation.
Actually Seohyun was a very nice person. She just started four months prior and was mostly in charge of the layout - a task that she fulfilled diligently and reliable. She was always extremely friendly towards everyone and a very pleasant company. Sehun once thought, that she would probably be a very suitable girlfriend and future wife. She was classy, polite and seemed to be quite filial. Exactly the qualities he was looking for in a woman. But for what he knew Seohyun had a boyfriend, so he didn't even bother trying anything. He wanted to avoid any awkward tension that would follow in case she rejected him.
“Ah yeah, we wanted to go a new - uhm - club.”, Chanyeol explained. “But Mr Uptight here is priming 'cause he worries it could ruin his reputation, right?” He gave Sehun a mocking look.
Sehun felt embarrassed. “Okay, fine, I'm coming.”, he finally gave up.
“Yeay!” Chanyeol cheered.
“Sehun, you shouldn't worry about that too much.”, Seohyun offered friendly to ease up his tenseness. “You're working so hard all the time. Treat yourself!” Her phone vibrated in her bag. She took it out and read a text message. “It's Mr Kown. Apparently some emergency with the layout.” She rolled her eyes. “I swear, this man … Doesn't even let his workers get a break ...” Hastily she chewed her remaining food, paid and rushed back to the bureau.
When she was gone Chanyeol noted that he was kinda sorry for the girl. “She has to run around so much for that old man. I know that newbies always got to do the dirty work but Mr Kwon is honestly overdoing it, don't you think?”
“Hm.” Sehun wasn't really listening. His mind was currently filled with dread for the evening.
“Man!”, Chanyeol complained. “You're doing it again!”
“What?”
“Being so abstracted. It's like nth time you're doing this today. Dude, chill! It's gonna be a cool evening. Get a grip and stop worrying so much, jeez.”
“Cool evening, huh …?”, Sehun pondered. “Well, if you think so.”
To make it short, Sehun's fears for this evening are completely and utterly irrational. He fears he could be caught doing something, that he's not supposed to do. He fears getting in trouble. But why would a goodie two shoes like him even get in trouble? And how? Judging from his attitude one would think that even if he was thrown into satanic orgy drugged 'til the point of not knowing his name, he would still stand uncomfortably in the corner and be ashamed. But that's exactly the problem. If Sehun could be sure that this is how he would behave, he wouldn't worry. But Sehun isn't sure. Quite frankly, he has NO FUCKING IDEA WHATSOEVER how he would behave in such a precarious situation. Thinking about it makes him turn red but what would happen in real life? He doesn't know. Sehun avoids thinking about it as a matter of principle, but deep down he knows that he doesn't and can't trust himself.
His persona is formed by his life, his attitude and too many expectations. It's a cage that helps him to keep control, to stay on track. Sehun doesn't want the cage to break; he's much too scared of what could be unleashed from the inside. Everything that can get him into trouble, everything that he is not supposed to do could be seen by others, judged by others. It could reach his boss, his parents and so many people that he actually doesn't even care about anymore. However, they could all judge him, hate him, take everything from him. Every mistake could stain his impeccable persona.
So actually it's not about him not wanting to find some amusement or him having stick up his ass or anything like that. He's just trying to stay as far away from the edge as possible, pretending to be afraid of it. But the truth is, he's not afraid of the edge. He's afraid, that he might jump if he's getting to close.
And most of all he is afraid of the collision.
Back in his office a nasty surprise was waiting for Sehun.
He was just getting ready for the second half of his work day while discussing a few things with Chanyeol about when the latter would pick him up this evening, when Seohyun joyfully swung open the door and bounced into his office.
“Hey you guys, you won't believe what happened!”, she cheered. “Mr Kwon …”, she made a dramatic pause. “ … offered me a promotion!”
…
Silence.
…
“WHAT?!”, Sehun and Chanyeol chorused.
“Unbelievable, right?”, she sang happily. “I was so surprised when he asked, I mean I just started recently, soooo …”
Chanyeol's eyes became the size of fried eggs. “And what did you say?”
“Yes, of course!” Her laugh echoed through the hallway. “I mean, why shouldn't I?”
Sehun was frozen in his seat. Anger, shock, resentment, desperation, fear and wrath boiled up in him and he felt like a pressure cooker about to explode. He had the strong desire to slap that laughing bitch across the face right then and there. HOW FUCKING DARE SHE?! That was HIS position, not hers. He had worked his ass off for this promotion for three fucking years and this little bimbo came along and snatched it away from him just like that?? And how could Mr Kwon dare? Did this man even value ANYTHING Sehun had done for him and the newspaper? Did he even respect Sehun's efforts and hard work the slightest?
Chanyeol side-eyed his friend, knowing exactly what was going on in the others mind. This was a major catastrophe. Oh boy …
When Seohyun whirred away to tell the others the glad tidings of joy the tense atmosphere continued.
“Dude, look …”, Chanyeol began.
“Don't!”
“Dude-”
“Just DON'T! If you're staying quiet right now, I can maybe refrain myself from killing her.”, Sehun hissed.
Chanyeol gulped. A pissed Sehun was a scary Sehun. It didn't happen often that the younger actually let himself get pushed to the level of being so angry and even rarer he showed it this openly. “Sehun ...”, he started in a peaceable tone of voice. “It's not her fault. She didn't even know that you were so keen on the position. I know you wanna murder every moving thing right now, but she is really not the person that you should be angry at.”
“Three years, Chanyeol, three years!”
“I know, man …”, Chanyeol squeezed his friends shoulder encouragingly. “I know …”
Later that day, both of them got their answer to the question as to why Seohyun got the promotion in the first place.
Them and their colleagues were about to leave when Mr Kwon opened the door to his office to call Seohyun in. They were quite surprised to see Mr Kwon still in the bureau. For once that bastard didn't finish like three hours earlier.
Shortly after going in Seohyun left the office again. While she tottered towards the hall stand with a smiley face, Sehun and Chanyeol could see Mr Kwon's look following her from the door frame. His greedy eyes predatorily devoured the woman's backside and Sehun felt like he was about to puke.
This was why his efforts were in vain? Because of a young girl's ass???
Today Sehun learned that his frustration with himself and the world could reach totally new levels.
~
Originally it was supposed to be good day - a fantastic day in fact. After Sehun was able to overcome his inhibitions, the time at the cabaret this evening was meant to be a celebration for the well-deserved promotion. Now it had to serve as a consolation.
Sehun was standing in front of his bathroom mirror. A worn out face behind small frameless glasses looked at him accusingly. Dark shadows beneath the eyes were evidence for not enough sleep and too much work. His skin seemed sickly and pale. He lost the youthful glow years ago. Adulthood had drained him from all his energy, hopes and dreams. It successfully destroyed every single illusion he ever had and replaced them with the cold, harsh reality. Sometimes he wondered how he could possibly make it through the rest of his life like this. He felt like dying already; so where was the energy and the spirit supposed to come from to make it until his retirement - considering that adulthood had just started for him not even ten years ago. He honestly didn't know.
He was tall and his back naturally broad, but a lack of body tension left him walking with sloping shoulders and the look constantly drawn to the ground - making him seem so much smaller and more vulnerable than he actually was. When un-gelled, his black hair (Of course black, or do you think a proper Sehun would even dare to dye his hair?) hung over his eyes and presaged a boyish and cheeky attitude that he may have had once.
The ringing door bell jolted Sehun out of his thoughts. He opened - ready to go - but Chanyeol just threw one short glance at his friends checked shirt, sweater vest and bow tie and with an resolute “No!” he pushed past him and started to meddle with Sehun's wardrobe.
“What? Why?”, Sehun exclaimed offended.
“You can't go to such a place looking like a total dweeb.”
“Hey, I don't look like a dweeb.”
He did look like a dweeb.
Chanyeol just raised an eyebrow and threw another afflicted look at Sehun's trousers that were a tad too short around the ankles and don't even get me started with hair. It was basically glued to his skull and had a very unfavorably placed side parting. “Seriously, dude! It looks like your mom is still picking out your clothes. Like - NO!” Chanyeol continued to rummage through the closet. “Dude, don't you got any decent stuff to wear in here? Please don't tell me all you've got are those despicable sweater vests.” He held a particularly horrifying example in yellow and blue in his hands.
Sehun turned beet red. It was the one his mom knitted for him. Indeed a grouse piece of clothing. He ran forward to close the doors of his wardrobe. “Go away, Chanyeol. My clothes, my life.”
“Oh shut up, you fashion bummer. I can't go out with you looking like that. That's embarrassing.”
“As if you're a fashion icon, duh.”
“Well, at least more than you. This …”, he pointed at Sehun. “... is a disgrace.”
Grudgingly Sehun stood beside his friend and had to bare with the other slowly but surely disassembling his closet until he finally shouted: “OH! What do we got here?” With a triumphant grin he held a leather jacket and a black dress shirt in his hands.
Sehun gulped. He totally forgot that he had those. And they woke unpleasant memories. He jumped to Chanyeol and ripped the jacket out of his hands just to throw them back into the depths of the wardrobe. “What's in the closet, stays in the closet!”, he said with finality.
“Chill, man!”, said the weirded out Chanyeol. “At least wear the dress shirt, please.”
Sehun groaned but complied. Together with some beige jeans that Chanyeol found in a drawer they managed to make him seem somewhat presentable. The hair still looked shitty, but Sehun refused to mess it up.
Since dressing the younger of the two up had taken some doing, he left the house with Chanyeol in a quite agitated state - the aftermath of not getting the promotion still adding to it. Hopefully the remaining evening would serve justice at least a little bit. I mean, it's not like the day could get any worse, right?
~
“A cabaret named Cabaret? Creative.”, Sehun muttered under his breath.
Chanyeol huffed. “Since when are you being sarcastic?”
“Since now.”
They were waiting in line in front of the quite impressive entrance of the building. It seemed to be a little cliché overall because of the blatant retro style. However, it was still elegant enough for Sehun to think that Chanyeol was probably right. This was a club he would like to got to. A red carpet was rolled out in the entrance hall. The curved name over the door was standing tall and illuminated by warm lights.
The two friends were surprised to see such a long line waiting to get let in. Luckily, Chanyeol made reservations, so it was their turn pretty quickly. Sehun honestly didn't expect a just recently opened club to have such a rush. Meant that it was good. The entrance fee was just as expensive as the whole club looked like. Sehun's wallet was crying bitter tears, knowing that he later on would have to pay even more money for the food, since he was quite hungry by now.
The inside was even more luxurious and splendid. After Sehun and Chanyeol left their jackets at the checkroom, they stepped into a giant dining hall, that you only know from the pictures of expensive restaurants that you will never go to because … ain't nobody got that much money. With its additional circle it left the impression of a European opera hall, just slightly more modern. Red carpet covered every single part of the floor and also in the rest of the place dark, warm colors were dominating. The stage was placed opposite to the door through that Sehun and Chanyeol were stepping in. The thick, red curtains were still drawn, just waiting to rise.
When Sehun and Chanyeol were comfortably seated on one of the round tables covered with crème white tablecloths for two people, a young waiter, probably around their age, came along and handed them the menus. Their eyes almost popped out once they saw the prices. The cabaret offered rare wines and imported champagne and all sorts of pricey liquors. The food was mostly western and thus expensive as well. After gulping once or twice the two decided on less expensive wines and one of the few Korean meals on the menu.
Half past nine, every single seat was taken - exceptionally by men. The people coming here were obviously well off and Sehun felt very out of place. He desperately wished to actually be part of these people but he was just a miserable little journalist. Letting his look wander around he even thought, that he saw one of the ministers for a moment, which made him wonder why a married guy would go to such an establishment. Wasn't he risking his career?
The food was exquisite. Really pricey but so worth it. Sehun was satisfied - at least a little bit. A filled stomach made him see the world just a tad brighter. And the wine wasn't to be sniffed at as well.
Ten o'clock - Sehun was just halfway through his meal - jazzy tunes started to play from the speakers. When Sehun and Chanyeol raised their eyes to the stage excited cheers and clapping started among the audience.
A man dressed in a tuxedo - probably in his mid-thirties - stepped on the stage, with a microphone in his hand. “Hello, gentlemen!”, he greeted exuberantly and was greeted back with hyped calls. “I am Kris, the owner of this humble cabaret, and it's my pleasure to great all of you here tonight. That we would still have such a full house even after three months of opening - we would like to thank you for that. And as I can see, there are some familiar faces already.” He grinned at a few specific tables, that cheered back approvingly. “But at the same time I see so many new faces.” He let his eyes wander around. For a short moment he looked at Sehun as well and the latter just wriggled about on his chair nervously. “So to everyone who is new tonight, please let me explain how this place here works.”, Kris continued. “We have rotating programs with several acts. Sometimes just singing, sometimes just dancing, sometimes both in combination. Every evening has a certain topic. For today it would be modern pop songs. I would like to add that every dance that is getting performed tonight, is specifically choreographed by our … lovely ladies …”
At that, whistles erupted from all around Sehun. Chanyeol sported an excited grin. Sehun's heart was just thundering heavily.
“The first act that they will perform tonight is a dance. So, without further ado, here they are, gentlemen!”, announced Kris and left the stage.
As the first accords of I Feel You by the Wonder Girls started playing, the curtain rose and the cheering reached its peak.
Sehuns eyes were glued to the stage. His mouth went dry. It's been a long time since he last felt this excited. The curtain unveiled ten beautiful - beautiful - ladies standing in line, dressed in the most sultry and revealing outfits. Corsets and fishnet stockings hugged their slim but trained bodies in all the right ways.
Sehun's head became incredibly hot and light all of sudden. Oh, it's been so long …
And once they started moving, gracefully swinging their hips, stretching their hairless legs in a way that it would put Liza Minnelli and the movie to shame, he was lost. Everyone was lost.
If Sehun would have been in his right mind he would have noticed the lack of bust size. He would have noticed that the thighs of the performers were too toned. That the shoulders were a little bit too broad and the arms too muscular. He would have noticed the Adam's apples, the strong jawlines and the actually pretty obvious bulges in the tight lace panties. But Sehun wasn't in his right mind.
His complete attention was drawn to one thing.
The dancer right at the center of the choreography.
The way she moved her body so seductively and the straps that were standing out from her milky skin had Sehun having a … hard time keeping still in his seat. She had such a pretty face. Rosy lips, big eyes, fluttering eyelashes, a lovely smile. Her hair was unusually short but Sehun couldn't be bothered by that right now, as it showed her creamy white neck and collarbones. Sehun just wanted to run onto the stage and hug her, kiss her, do everything!
Chanyeol was equally spaced out, his eyes following a dancer right next to the blonde haired beauty that Sehun was drooling over.
For Sehun it felt like he was watching a beautiful dream unfolding in front of his eyes. This girl, he wanted her, he needed her. The swinging hips pushed him into a whirlwind of emotions he had suppressed for quite some time. And now he wondered why ever did that. They felt wonderful, spreading within every cell. He felt desire, longing, lust drowning him. For a brief second her gaze met with Sehun's and he felt his heart swell. She was goddess on stage. Her movements screamed satisfaction, her eyes sparkled from joy and life, she radiated energy and Sehun was craving it. But like every beautiful dream this one ended far too soon.
Sehun's awakening was harsh.
When the last tone resounded in the hall, the audience erupted into cheers. The ten girls smiled charmingly and bowed.
The blonde haired beauty grabbed a microphone and started speaking.
Sehun's heart dropped.
NO!
“Good evening, gentlemen!”, the soft voice of a guy said. “Do you enjoy yourselves so far? I'm Luhan and as the lead dancer and choreographer I would like to greet you personally.”
Sehun felt sick and he looked - really looked - at the dancers. How could he not have noticed that these were all men?
He slowly dragged his eyes to Chanyeol who looked equally shocked.
“Se-Sehun … I-I swear I didn't know …”, the latter explained pleadingly, as he saw the anger and disgust slowly forming on his friends face.
“How can you dare to bring me to such a place?”, Sehun hissed aggressively.
“Transvestites? For real?”
“Sehun, I'm sorry, I didn't know.”
Sehun just glared at Chanyeol as if he wanted murder him. He kinda really wanted to. Transvestites, these excuses of men …
Did I mention that Sehun is pretty fucking homophobic?
He wanted to leave immediately. He heard and saw all the cheering faggots around him and just wanted to puke.
“Let's go, Chanyeol!”, he wanted to say, but got interrupted by a particularly loud applause from the audience. Startled he looked up and saw the blonde faggot smiling into the microphone.
“So … who's gonna be the lucky guy to come onto the stage with us?”, he asked teasingly. The men whistled and called Luhan to pick them.
Luhan's gaze wandered around until he finally found what he was searching for. A stressed out, agitated face. This guy was sitting in the Cabaret. He was supposed to be smiling. “You!”, he called out.
Sehun felt losing ground. Luhan's eyes were directly locked with his. He couldn't … he couldn't possibly mean him, could he?
“Yes you, with the beige pants and the glasses!”
Where was the hole in the ground that Sehun could jump in? He felt panic rising.
“You're making such a troubled face. Maybe we can cheer you up a little.”
Sehun felt every single pair of eyes in the room penetrating him. Panicky he shook his head. The pressure and the expecting faces suffocated him. His disgust drew every color from his skin.
The other guys booed at him.
“You hear them.”, Luhan grinned. “Everyone else in this room would love to take your place. C'mon, I don't bite. Except, of course, you'd like that.” He winked. Catcalls could be heard again.
Sehun wanted to scream. Sehun wanted to run. Sehun wanted to die.
A few other men from the surrounding tables stood up and grabbed the scared stiff Sehun just to drag him up the stage.
“Wonderful!”, Luhan smiled and pushed him into a chair. “Relax, tiger!”, he muttered as he soothingly caressed Sehun's shoulder.
Sehun didn't even quite catch it. Everything happened like in a rush behind a veil of fear and hate. The hot spotlights seemed to burn his skin. The first beats of Lady Gaga's Do What U Want hammered in his ears.
It was supposed to be a nice evening. Instead he found himself facing everything he never wanted to face.
The remaining nine dancers started their choreography as planned. Luhan stayed close to the chair, circling it like a predator its prey.
Sehun was glued to the seat. He couldn't have moved even if he wanted to.
Luhan was dancing much too close to him. He was dancing much too suggestive. He was wearing way too much scandalous lingerie and his gestures were way too much much directed towards Sehun. Our Mr Uptight had absolutely no idea how to deal with the situation. Maybe Sehun had been able to deal with this sorta stuff in the past, but he forgot how to.
Sehun felt a thick lump growing in his throat. He desperately wanted to hate what he saw, but was too caught in the moment, too fascinated by Luhan's sheer talent, too drawn in into the explosive fire that seemed to blow up the room. It reminded him, oh how it reminded him …
He felt the heat of Luhan's body standing behind him, coming closer. He felt a graceful hand resting on his left shoulder and sneaky fingers crawling down his collar. His breath was stuck in his throat.
He felt a second hand resting on his right shoulder and an arm circling around his neck. Lips came close to his ear, the velvety voice whispering: “Do what you want, what you want with my body!”
He felt lava dripping into his chest, spreading fast. He felt burning within his every cell. He felt his body aching for … something … something … He felt it. He felt what he was fearing. It was waking up. He felt the creature in the cage waking up. The creature was sensing the heat, it was feeling the energy. It felt how weak it was. It felt how hungry - starving - it was. It started to scream.
Sehun's breath sped up. He didn't even notice the flashlights anymore. Or the audience. Or Chanyeol. It was just him. Invisibly tied to a chair. And the dancing flame.
As the song progressed, Luhan was writhing around the chair, having Sehun's lap as his goal. When he reached it, he shamelessly seated himself in the most luring manner on the others stiff legs, facing him and rolling his lean hips.
Sehun wanted to push him away. Sehun wanted to pull him closer.
Sehun wanted to knock him off. Sehun wanted to grab his hips.
Sehun wanted to punch him in the guts. Sehun wanted to run his fingers through the fluffy locks.
Sehun … didn't know what he wanted. Which left him indifferent in action.
Luhan sensually circled his hips close to Sehun's groin, his hands resting on the miserable man's neck. The black straps were deliciously stretching on his well-formed thighs. He pulled Sehun's face closer and tenderly rested his forehead on the others, their hot breathes meeting in the middle. Usually Luhan didn't go this far, but the grumpy looking man had such a nice and pleasing scent. He had to force himself not to bury his head into the others shoulder. He may looked nerdy from distance, but up close he made Luhan speechless. If styled correctly this guy could destroy every model to walk the runway. So stunning.
Caught in each others daze, their eyes stayed interlocked. The music revolved around them and lifted them up, up high.
When the songs finally got drowned out into the off, Sehun's senses came back. He realized that he was sitting on stage in a gay club with a guy in a corset quite literally giving him a lap dance. His eyes widened in horror.
Luhan realized that he had stayed on Sehun's lap for a tad to long - how unprofessional. He quickly retreated and threw an endearing laugh to the audience that had been on edge ever since the act started.
The following hurricane of applause had Sehun jumping out of his seat like a scalded cat and hurrying down the stairs and out of the hall. He didn't even think of his friend Chanyeol still sitting in there. He needed to get OUT OF HERE. And this whole embarrassing ordeal was the other's fault anyway.
The checkroom attendant came rushing towards Sehun when he noticed that one of the guests wanted to leave early. “Sir, you want to go already?”, he asked surprised.
“Didn't you like the show?”
“I … I just want to leave now.”, Sehun answered curtly and told the attendant the number of his coatrack.
While Sehun was waiting for a few seconds until the other came back with his trenchcoat, a side door opened and a breathless Luhan hurried into the entrance hall. When he spotted his target he called out: “Hey, sir, excuse me?”
Sehun turned around and immediately became as white as a sheet. Oh no no no no no … He didn't know what to do and stumbled towards the door, despite not having his coat back yet.
“Sir, please wait a second.”, Luhan continued with a apologetic expression. “I need to talk to you.”
Title: Cabaret
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~33000
Prompt: cabaret: a restaurant with live entertainment (Sehun is a stuffy journalist who forgot how to live and Luhan is dancer that is teaching him how to dream again).
Warning/s: smut, crossdressing
Soundtrack: 1. The Civil Wars - Dance Me To The End Of Love // 2. Angus & Julia Stone - Love Will Take You // 3. Selena Gomez - Same Old Love // 4. Ratatat - Wildcat // 5. Wonder Girls - I Feel You // 6. Lady Gaga - Do What U Want
۞۞
CHAPTER 1
Sehun is a square.
There is no point in neither denying it nor trying to describe it in a less condescending way.
Sehun is a square.
There is probably no one in this world who fits the description of a square better than him. And I'm the storyteller - I must know.
Sehun works in a cramped, little office for one of the many daily newspapers that you will take a short look at while walking past the display with steaming coffee-to-go in your hand as you rush to the subway station trying to catch the next train. Or maybe you wouldn't even take a look at all. You wouldn't even consider buying a newspaper. Because … why would you?
We're living in modern times. Everything that's plastering the headlines as so-called “news” was most likely new the day before, but you already knew that! After all, you are keeping up with the times and have internet. This may sound ridiculous to you, because … Hell, who doesn't have internet? Who doesn't check on latest news or gets automatically bombarded with them on the news feed of the social network of your choice?
So yes, it actually is kind of ridiculous. But it's also a problem. A big problem. For the newspapers. Especially the small ones. Like Sehun's. With the internet, people had immediately access to thousands of sources, that they could read, watch and compare. Regular newspapers got completely left out.
So these newspapers had to think of a new strategy to stay alive. Either that or they would sooner or later go bankrupt. The best option was probably to focus on things you couldn't just easily find on the internet; meaning, they did more exclusive interviews with high ranking personalities, provided background information, insider reports and unveiled scandals with investigative journalism.
Well, at least, that's what they did when we're talking about big newspapers.
That's what Sehun wants to do, too. That's what gives you money, fame and gets your name out there. That's what makes you a prestigious journalist. But … Sehun can't and judging from his current position, he never will.
Because, unfortunately, Sehun's newspaper isn't a big publishing house and thus, settled for the - saver - second option. And that is to focus on the only regular readers left - the old people.
Which is … frustrating … to say the least.
Especially for someone at the age of twenty-seven - soon to be turning twenty-eight - who would rather uncover fiscal evasion of politicians or interview international superstars.
Instead he has to spend his days in said cramped, little office, writing yet another article about budget cutbacks for local retirement homes, so that the addressed readership has an actual reason to get agitated in their old age and continues to buy their newspaper for updates.
To sum it up: With the word “resentment” Sehun's feelings towards his profession are very benevolently paraphrased.
But now you justifiably may ask: Is this enough to characterize someone as a square? After all, there are so many people in this world who are unhappy with their job. That's fairly enough reason.
Well … it's not just the the work he's doing and the fact that it's frustrating him, it's his whole attitude and dealings with his almost constant bad mood and the way he voluntarily or involuntarily lets it influence his private life and relationships with his very few friends.
If you were to pass Sehun by, you would unconsciously give him a small berth. He's radiating frustration and surrender and you really don't need and want that shit in your life. And you could smell the self-pity. It would stink to high heavens.
Besides that, you should see his home. You can tell a lot about people by seeing their apartments. And Sehun's is exceptionally boring and mediocre. Normally you would expect from people that their homes have like … a distinct style, a personality … Modern and fashionable or cozy and family-oriented, monochrome and chic, old-fashioned and expensive, colorful and happy and so on … But Sehun's home … it's just … boring … a beige couch, a medium-sized flat screen, a brown carpet, a shapeless bookshelf, table and chairs, wooden bed with white sheets, wardrobe with a mirror … yeah … oh, and a cupboard … wow … Except for a family photo on the nightstand there were no pictures at all, no posters, nothing that could tell that this guy has ANY experiences, dreams, aspirations or preferences … it's just boring. A home as bland as its owner.
And there are so many more things that count up to make Sehun the squariest of squares - the way he dresses, some problematic opinions, his (non-existent) music taste and a sickening amount of obedience and conformity - but I'm gonna stop here. I think you get the point.
To actually fathom his degree of averageness and squareness you have to see it yourself …
~
Sehun felt so very lifeless, as his fingers typed an article in a stuporic rhythm.
A steady clack-clack-clack could be heard echoing in his small office. The only sound besides his exhausted breathing and the background noise of by passing cars on the street outside. Rush hour was starting.
A look on the clock told Sehun he would be able to leave soon, too. However, he would still have to work a little at home, because there was no way he could finish the other three small articles in half an hour.
His eyes had been captured by the screen for quite some time now and the constant lack of blinking left them burning and tired. Fragile red veins started to stand out from the white.
He lifted up his glasses and massaged his nose bridge. A deep groan erupted from his throat. He grabbed his half-empty glass of water which tasted quite flat by now. A sudden picture of himself breaking the glass into pieces and slicing his own throat flashed through his mind. It caught him a little off guard but he wasn't as disturbed or appalled by his thoughts as he should have been.
He just continued typing.
When he could finally leave, he mechanically turned off the PC and stepped out of his office. Sehun wondered whether he should say goodbye to Chanyeol but figured that he was too tired and the other probably left already. His friend wasn't as reliable as him, after all. So he just grabbed his coat and plodded out the building.
It was a tiny bureau, just a few offices, a toilet and a place for the coffee machine - but what can you expect from a such a small newspaper? In the past it sold a lot better and the company had a big bureau in the city center but after the profit started to shrink they had to move to this hideous place. But that was even before Sehun's time, so he couldn't miss anything from the good old times as the elder journalists liked to point out. The newspaper had to dismiss a lot of its employees and was careful to hire new ones. So the people working there had actually a lot more work to do than before. They were fewer but still somehow had to fill a whole new issue everyday. The allotted work just wasn't manageable anymore. So, after a while, the head editor decided to release only three issues per week but the journalists were now constrained to focus a lot more on local stories to please the new - or actually old - readership.
Sehun was one of the few people that were newly hired at the newspaper. And even though he hated it there and would rather work at any other company, he still considered himself lucky. There were so many young people out there who wanted to achieve exactly the same thing as him, who also studied journalism and now chased after a stellar career. But no newspaper in the world still needed this many journalists, so Sehun was quite relieved that he actually got occupied at all. He also could be left unemployed and broke, like so many other people his age in South Korea. He didn't have the needed excellent grades (he had good grades - but not excellent) or impressive internships or semesters abroad to show to the big publishing houses. Never in a million years would any of them hire him, he figured back then when he finished his study and thus, he didn't even try to apply. He just wasn't good enough and he knew it, especially with this much competition.
So … even though he hated his job, Sehun was still kind of happy … kind of … at least, that's what he liked to tell himself.
Contrary to Sehun's assumptions Chanyeol didn't finish early as usual and left the building shortly after his grumpy colleague. He saw him stodgily walking in the direction of the closest subway station and ran after him.
“Sehun, SEHUN! Would you please wait!”, he shouted and a few near-by ahjummas pursed their lips at such a behavior. Today's youth …
Sehun turned around, surprised. “Oh, Chanyeol! I thought you're always leaving early.”, he exclaimed, an accusative tone of voice noticeable. They continued walking together at a slow pace.
“Yeah, usually …” Chanyeol laughed it off. “But today I finished the last article here, so I don't have to work at home for once.” Chanyeol smiled brightly, exceptionally happy about this decision. “So now I got free time. Do you maybe wanna go somewhere and have a drink? Celebrating the happy hour?” A mischievous smirk crossed his face.
Sehun just breathed heavily. “Sorry, I can't. Still got work to do. I swear if I have to write another article about financially struggling animal shelters I'm going to throw myself in front of a train.”
“Oh please, don't! We need your articles, man …” Even though he knew Sehun was joking, Chanyeol was still worried when he heard Sehun's complaint. He knew his friend for a little over three years now - ever since Sehun started working at the newspaper - and he never understood how the other could develop into such a broiling lump of negativity in such a short amount of time. You could basically see the whirlwind of misery hovering above his head in dark clouds. And it just got worse everyday.
“Man …”, Chanyeol started. “I really don't understand why you're even still working with us? Like … You hate it. Ever since a few months after you started, you just complain to me about this job and the company. You obviously work at the wrong place. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would miss you, but … why are you still working there?”
“Well, uhm …”, Sehun started hesitantly. “You know how our deputy head editor will be retiring soon. I want this position. The payment is better and I don't have to write these boring articles anymore. I could maybe write a little more exciting stuff.”
“Yeah, I know. You told me like ten-thousand times already. But Sehun! I don't know what air you are breathing but we focus on elders as our main audience. There will never be anything exciting about this. This job is convenient and orderly and that's it.” Chanyeol side-eyed his friend incredulously.
“Yeah, but I just really want a better position. That's how I always figured it would be.”
“Huh? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, I don't know … don't know how to explain it.”, Sehun muttered.
But the truth was, Sehun knew very well how to explain it. He just chose not to, because he already saw Chanyeol's reaction in his mind. He would look at him like he had totally lost it - again. But Sehun just really figured that this is what his life was supposed to be like. When his parents asked him to decide on a subject that would offer him a career later on, he chose journalism and by then he had his complete life already mapped out in his head. Study. Military service. Get a job. Work hard. Get a promotion. Get a wife. Marry. Get kids. Two. A boy and girl. Work until retirement. Be a grumpy grandfather. Die while sleeping. The End. That's what he always thought his life was supposed to be like. I mean, he was certain that's what a proper life was supposed to be like … right? … Right? … And because he was so certain, he would very well make sure, that it would turn out like this. Sehun didn't like surprises. And he didn't like it when things didn't go according to plan. Specifically his plan.
But he couldn't tell that to Chanyeol. The other would laugh at him. It's not like Chanyeol didn't have such expectations towards his own life as well, but he was still more … open. And he liked surprises. He was more willing to do risky stuff (well, risky in Sehun's eyes) and was more willing to feel free after work.
“Well …”, Chanyeol mused. “If that's what you really want, I don't see a reason, why you shouldn't get the promotion. I mean … there's not really anybody else, besides you, suitable for the position, right? You've been working your ass off ever since you heard that Mrs Shim would retire soon and that was two and a half years ago. I am certainly not going to apply for that, since I am very comfortable with writing the sports articles. And so is Junmyeon with his crossword and joke pages. Seohyun just started four months ago, so I don't see any reason why she should get the promotion. And you were literally kissing Mr Kwon's ass.”
“No, I wasn't.”, Sehun interjected meekly.
“Oh yes, you were!”, said Chanyeol emphatically. “Honestly, dude! You should see and hear yourself sometimes. You're such an asshamster. Oh Mr Kown, you're new jacket suits you wonderfully! Oh Mr Kwon, it's already finishing time but is there anything I can do for you? Oh Mr Kwon, can I kiss your feet and roll out a red carpet for you? Dude, I swear, it's so disgusting sometimes, if you weren't my friend, I'd punch you in the face.”
Sehun didn't answer.
He felt offended. I never do this, he thought.
But oh yes! He did this.
The two reached the subway station and were ready to part ways.
“Hey, sorry man!”, Chanyeol apologized. “I know you want this position. I just really can't understand how you can work for a promotion at a place you don't even want to work at.”
“Well …” Sehun didn't know what to answer.
“Hey, another thing I wanted to ask you …” Chanyeol swiftly changed the topic to avoid awkward silence. “I recently read about this new club-slash-restaurant-thingy near Itaewon. I wanted to go there, because I heard they offer great food and the shows are supposed to be excellently choreographed and entertaining. It's some sort of variety - a cabaret!”
Sehun puckered up his lips. “Chanyeol, you know I'm not much of a fan of such establishments.”
“Oh, shut it, Sehun! Stop being so being reserved all the time. Get out of your house for once! You'll gonna waste away in that apartment.”
“Well … I don't know …” Sehun didn't like being pressured into doing something outside of his comfort zone. But he also wanted to do something with Chanyeol again - outside of work, that is. It's been a long time since they last spent a nice evening together.
“Oh c'mon, Sehun! I'm sure it'll be a fun evening and you would have a reason to laugh again for a change. You could relax a little. And also … For what I know, you could maybe even like this club. I heard it's quite tasteful and expensive there, nothing for the … well, vulgar people …”, he huffed while saying this. “So it might even satisfy that un-acted out parvenu in you, huh … so what do you say? Maybe tomorrow? I mean, it'll be Friday …”
“I guess … I will think about it.”, Sehun answered sincerely.
“Okay.” Chanyeol was obviously pleased with this answered. It was hard enough to even make Sehun consider such an option.
They bid goodbye and left; Sehun with hanging head as usual.
~
After coming home, Sehun usually has a very special order of things to do. It's like a list that he has to get through. This strict plan may seem odd and even compulsive to others but for Sehun it's what helps him to get through his day. Just like he has list for his life, he has one for the details.
He always has a list.
Coat in the wardrobe. Lock the door. Place work documents on desk. Eat some rice and kimchi. Breathe. Finish work. Watch the news. Call parents. Shower. Sleep.
Sehun always works off his list on any day of the week of the year. It's easier for him. Easier to stay in control. In control of his life, his future, his plans.
Sehun is not a pedant. Or is he?
He himself likes to think, that he just wants to be proper, spotless, save and neat. There is just no place for excitement in his life. Excitement is distraction.
This evening while eating he thought about Chanyeol's suggestion. For once Sehun honestly considered it. Usually he would say no. Especially at such a spontaneous plan - yes, one day in advance is spontaneous according to Sehun. The idea of having to ruin his list, his plans for such an unnecessary event made him feel uncomfortable. But then then again, the “daring” part of his brain mused, he truly was extremely stressed and exhausted, since he had been working so much for the promotion. Maybe it'd be nice to have some fun again. Sehun didn't like distraction, but maybe he needed it.
And another thought popped up in his head. Maybe he could make this event part of his big list, too. He would soon get the promotion. He would need to find a girl to marry next. Maybe he should start looking. Even though Sehun was a complete disaster when it came to flirting and such, he understood enough to know that he wouldn't find a nice woman sitting in his apartment. Maybe he would find a nice girl while going out with Chanyeol. Of course not a girl that is actually working at one of those establishments or one that would visit such a place. That just wasn't proper. He could never introduce someone like that to his parents. But maybe outside in the streets. Or on they way. Or somehow … somewhere … whatever …
Sehun tried his best to convince himself to go with Chanyeol tomorrow. He knew his friend already thought he was an uptight square that didn't get laid. Well, it was true, but Sehun didn't want to give the other any more reasons to tease him about it. Every single time Sehun seemed particularly grumpy about his work and was complaining all day long, Chanyeol would ask him when he had sex the last time. Sehun never answered and just turned beet red. He wasn't a virgin (Sehun was uptight, but not THIS uptight), but he hadn't got laid in … a while. The reason why was a mystery even to Sehun himself. He knew some good sex would probably ease him a up a little bit but no … it just didn't happen.
When Sehun called his parents this evening, he felt quite deceitful. He still wasn't sure, whether he should go with Chanyeol tomorrow, but he was leaning towards yes. And just in case that's what he'll really do, he had to lie to his mother when she asked him about his plans for the weekend. And he would have to lie to her again, when she will ask him on Saturday, why he didn't call her as usual.
Sehun didn't like lying. At all. But sometimes it was necessary.
His mother would always ask him about his day - she was being extremely inquisitive while doing so. And Sehun would answer that there wasn't much to tell. He was working hard to get the promotion, that's all. And that was the truth. In the past these answers were usually enough to satisfy his mother. However, lately she started to ask a lot about him meeting girls and finding a wife. She wanted grandchildren so desperately. All of this was already part of Sehun's list, but hearing it from his mother as well, made him feel so pressured - more than usual.
This evening, after taking a warm shower, Sehun had trouble finding sleep. He was rolling around in his squary white sheets with his squary checked pajama on. He was worrying about the next day. He felt so uncomfortable, as if all the pressure was crushing him. And in this case he didn't even know what pressure exactly. The world's? Or his own?
While sleeping, Sehun was tossing around anxiously. He hadn't dreamed in quite a while. Or at least he couldn't remember.
~
Friday. The day that everyone, who doesn't have to work in shifts, is glad about having arrived.
Sehun was glad as well. He wouldn't have to finish all his work by the evening, he could do it the next day without any pressure. It was a lot less stressful and he was certainly enjoying that fact. Contributing to his good mood (well not exactly “good” but “less bad than usual”), that he was sporting for once, was the rumor he heard earlier from one of his older colleagues. Apparently Mr Kwon decided on who would get promotion. Sehun was positive that it was him. It was like Chanyeol put it yesterday; no one ever showed real interest in the position except him. But despite his more motivated state he felt anxious. Chanyeol hadn't asked him about the evening yet, but it was bound to happen soon.
Sehun was working in front of his PC again. When Mr Kwon would come in to inform him, he wanted to seem like the diligent and responsible person that he was. He even continued working when all his co-workers left for lunch.
Chanyeol came by his office with Seohyun at his side. “Come on, you workaholic.”, he joked. “I earlier heard your stomach growling even 'til my office.” Chanyeol seemed to have an exceptionally good mood as well. Maybe it was the sunny weather outside that lightened everyone up.
Sehun debated for a few seconds whether he should actually go but realized that Chanyeol would confront him about the cabaret anyways. He sighed and grabbed his coat. “Okay, let's go.”
The three went to a small restaurant only a few hundred meters away from the bureau. When they arrived, a few of their co-workers were already there eating the cheap yet tasty tteokbokki and samgyetang that made this place so popular.
While waiting for their food to be served, Chanyeol finally asked. “So, have you thought about it?”, he still sounded quite optimistic. “About today, I mean?”
“I … I'm still not sure, Chanyeol.”, Sehun admitted. “But I mean
… I guess …”
“C'mon, please Sehun. It's gonna be cool.”
“Oh, you guys got plans for the evening?”, Seohyun asked curiously as she overheard the conversation.
Actually Seohyun was a very nice person. She just started four months prior and was mostly in charge of the layout - a task that she fulfilled diligently and reliable. She was always extremely friendly towards everyone and a very pleasant company. Sehun once thought, that she would probably be a very suitable girlfriend and future wife. She was classy, polite and seemed to be quite filial. Exactly the qualities he was looking for in a woman. But for what he knew Seohyun had a boyfriend, so he didn't even bother trying anything. He wanted to avoid any awkward tension that would follow in case she rejected him.
“Ah yeah, we wanted to go a new - uhm - club.”, Chanyeol explained. “But Mr Uptight here is priming 'cause he worries it could ruin his reputation, right?” He gave Sehun a mocking look.
Sehun felt embarrassed. “Okay, fine, I'm coming.”, he finally gave up.
“Yeay!” Chanyeol cheered.
“Sehun, you shouldn't worry about that too much.”, Seohyun offered friendly to ease up his tenseness. “You're working so hard all the time. Treat yourself!” Her phone vibrated in her bag. She took it out and read a text message. “It's Mr Kown. Apparently some emergency with the layout.” She rolled her eyes. “I swear, this man … Doesn't even let his workers get a break ...” Hastily she chewed her remaining food, paid and rushed back to the bureau.
When she was gone Chanyeol noted that he was kinda sorry for the girl. “She has to run around so much for that old man. I know that newbies always got to do the dirty work but Mr Kwon is honestly overdoing it, don't you think?”
“Hm.” Sehun wasn't really listening. His mind was currently filled with dread for the evening.
“Man!”, Chanyeol complained. “You're doing it again!”
“What?”
“Being so abstracted. It's like nth time you're doing this today. Dude, chill! It's gonna be a cool evening. Get a grip and stop worrying so much, jeez.”
“Cool evening, huh …?”, Sehun pondered. “Well, if you think so.”
To make it short, Sehun's fears for this evening are completely and utterly irrational. He fears he could be caught doing something, that he's not supposed to do. He fears getting in trouble. But why would a goodie two shoes like him even get in trouble? And how? Judging from his attitude one would think that even if he was thrown into satanic orgy drugged 'til the point of not knowing his name, he would still stand uncomfortably in the corner and be ashamed. But that's exactly the problem. If Sehun could be sure that this is how he would behave, he wouldn't worry. But Sehun isn't sure. Quite frankly, he has NO FUCKING IDEA WHATSOEVER how he would behave in such a precarious situation. Thinking about it makes him turn red but what would happen in real life? He doesn't know. Sehun avoids thinking about it as a matter of principle, but deep down he knows that he doesn't and can't trust himself.
His persona is formed by his life, his attitude and too many expectations. It's a cage that helps him to keep control, to stay on track. Sehun doesn't want the cage to break; he's much too scared of what could be unleashed from the inside. Everything that can get him into trouble, everything that he is not supposed to do could be seen by others, judged by others. It could reach his boss, his parents and so many people that he actually doesn't even care about anymore. However, they could all judge him, hate him, take everything from him. Every mistake could stain his impeccable persona.
So actually it's not about him not wanting to find some amusement or him having stick up his ass or anything like that. He's just trying to stay as far away from the edge as possible, pretending to be afraid of it. But the truth is, he's not afraid of the edge. He's afraid, that he might jump if he's getting to close.
And most of all he is afraid of the collision.
Back in his office a nasty surprise was waiting for Sehun.
He was just getting ready for the second half of his work day while discussing a few things with Chanyeol about when the latter would pick him up this evening, when Seohyun joyfully swung open the door and bounced into his office.
“Hey you guys, you won't believe what happened!”, she cheered. “Mr Kwon …”, she made a dramatic pause. “ … offered me a promotion!”
…
Silence.
…
“WHAT?!”, Sehun and Chanyeol chorused.
“Unbelievable, right?”, she sang happily. “I was so surprised when he asked, I mean I just started recently, soooo …”
Chanyeol's eyes became the size of fried eggs. “And what did you say?”
“Yes, of course!” Her laugh echoed through the hallway. “I mean, why shouldn't I?”
Sehun was frozen in his seat. Anger, shock, resentment, desperation, fear and wrath boiled up in him and he felt like a pressure cooker about to explode. He had the strong desire to slap that laughing bitch across the face right then and there. HOW FUCKING DARE SHE?! That was HIS position, not hers. He had worked his ass off for this promotion for three fucking years and this little bimbo came along and snatched it away from him just like that?? And how could Mr Kwon dare? Did this man even value ANYTHING Sehun had done for him and the newspaper? Did he even respect Sehun's efforts and hard work the slightest?
Chanyeol side-eyed his friend, knowing exactly what was going on in the others mind. This was a major catastrophe. Oh boy …
When Seohyun whirred away to tell the others the glad tidings of joy the tense atmosphere continued.
“Dude, look …”, Chanyeol began.
“Don't!”
“Dude-”
“Just DON'T! If you're staying quiet right now, I can maybe refrain myself from killing her.”, Sehun hissed.
Chanyeol gulped. A pissed Sehun was a scary Sehun. It didn't happen often that the younger actually let himself get pushed to the level of being so angry and even rarer he showed it this openly. “Sehun ...”, he started in a peaceable tone of voice. “It's not her fault. She didn't even know that you were so keen on the position. I know you wanna murder every moving thing right now, but she is really not the person that you should be angry at.”
“Three years, Chanyeol, three years!”
“I know, man …”, Chanyeol squeezed his friends shoulder encouragingly. “I know …”
Later that day, both of them got their answer to the question as to why Seohyun got the promotion in the first place.
Them and their colleagues were about to leave when Mr Kwon opened the door to his office to call Seohyun in. They were quite surprised to see Mr Kwon still in the bureau. For once that bastard didn't finish like three hours earlier.
Shortly after going in Seohyun left the office again. While she tottered towards the hall stand with a smiley face, Sehun and Chanyeol could see Mr Kwon's look following her from the door frame. His greedy eyes predatorily devoured the woman's backside and Sehun felt like he was about to puke.
This was why his efforts were in vain? Because of a young girl's ass???
Today Sehun learned that his frustration with himself and the world could reach totally new levels.
~
Originally it was supposed to be good day - a fantastic day in fact. After Sehun was able to overcome his inhibitions, the time at the cabaret this evening was meant to be a celebration for the well-deserved promotion. Now it had to serve as a consolation.
Sehun was standing in front of his bathroom mirror. A worn out face behind small frameless glasses looked at him accusingly. Dark shadows beneath the eyes were evidence for not enough sleep and too much work. His skin seemed sickly and pale. He lost the youthful glow years ago. Adulthood had drained him from all his energy, hopes and dreams. It successfully destroyed every single illusion he ever had and replaced them with the cold, harsh reality. Sometimes he wondered how he could possibly make it through the rest of his life like this. He felt like dying already; so where was the energy and the spirit supposed to come from to make it until his retirement - considering that adulthood had just started for him not even ten years ago. He honestly didn't know.
He was tall and his back naturally broad, but a lack of body tension left him walking with sloping shoulders and the look constantly drawn to the ground - making him seem so much smaller and more vulnerable than he actually was. When un-gelled, his black hair (Of course black, or do you think a proper Sehun would even dare to dye his hair?) hung over his eyes and presaged a boyish and cheeky attitude that he may have had once.
The ringing door bell jolted Sehun out of his thoughts. He opened - ready to go - but Chanyeol just threw one short glance at his friends checked shirt, sweater vest and bow tie and with an resolute “No!” he pushed past him and started to meddle with Sehun's wardrobe.
“What? Why?”, Sehun exclaimed offended.
“You can't go to such a place looking like a total dweeb.”
“Hey, I don't look like a dweeb.”
He did look like a dweeb.
Chanyeol just raised an eyebrow and threw another afflicted look at Sehun's trousers that were a tad too short around the ankles and don't even get me started with hair. It was basically glued to his skull and had a very unfavorably placed side parting. “Seriously, dude! It looks like your mom is still picking out your clothes. Like - NO!” Chanyeol continued to rummage through the closet. “Dude, don't you got any decent stuff to wear in here? Please don't tell me all you've got are those despicable sweater vests.” He held a particularly horrifying example in yellow and blue in his hands.
Sehun turned beet red. It was the one his mom knitted for him. Indeed a grouse piece of clothing. He ran forward to close the doors of his wardrobe. “Go away, Chanyeol. My clothes, my life.”
“Oh shut up, you fashion bummer. I can't go out with you looking like that. That's embarrassing.”
“As if you're a fashion icon, duh.”
“Well, at least more than you. This …”, he pointed at Sehun. “... is a disgrace.”
Grudgingly Sehun stood beside his friend and had to bare with the other slowly but surely disassembling his closet until he finally shouted: “OH! What do we got here?” With a triumphant grin he held a leather jacket and a black dress shirt in his hands.
Sehun gulped. He totally forgot that he had those. And they woke unpleasant memories. He jumped to Chanyeol and ripped the jacket out of his hands just to throw them back into the depths of the wardrobe. “What's in the closet, stays in the closet!”, he said with finality.
“Chill, man!”, said the weirded out Chanyeol. “At least wear the dress shirt, please.”
Sehun groaned but complied. Together with some beige jeans that Chanyeol found in a drawer they managed to make him seem somewhat presentable. The hair still looked shitty, but Sehun refused to mess it up.
Since dressing the younger of the two up had taken some doing, he left the house with Chanyeol in a quite agitated state - the aftermath of not getting the promotion still adding to it. Hopefully the remaining evening would serve justice at least a little bit. I mean, it's not like the day could get any worse, right?
~
“A cabaret named Cabaret? Creative.”, Sehun muttered under his breath.
Chanyeol huffed. “Since when are you being sarcastic?”
“Since now.”
They were waiting in line in front of the quite impressive entrance of the building. It seemed to be a little cliché overall because of the blatant retro style. However, it was still elegant enough for Sehun to think that Chanyeol was probably right. This was a club he would like to got to. A red carpet was rolled out in the entrance hall. The curved name over the door was standing tall and illuminated by warm lights.
The two friends were surprised to see such a long line waiting to get let in. Luckily, Chanyeol made reservations, so it was their turn pretty quickly. Sehun honestly didn't expect a just recently opened club to have such a rush. Meant that it was good. The entrance fee was just as expensive as the whole club looked like. Sehun's wallet was crying bitter tears, knowing that he later on would have to pay even more money for the food, since he was quite hungry by now.
The inside was even more luxurious and splendid. After Sehun and Chanyeol left their jackets at the checkroom, they stepped into a giant dining hall, that you only know from the pictures of expensive restaurants that you will never go to because … ain't nobody got that much money. With its additional circle it left the impression of a European opera hall, just slightly more modern. Red carpet covered every single part of the floor and also in the rest of the place dark, warm colors were dominating. The stage was placed opposite to the door through that Sehun and Chanyeol were stepping in. The thick, red curtains were still drawn, just waiting to rise.
When Sehun and Chanyeol were comfortably seated on one of the round tables covered with crème white tablecloths for two people, a young waiter, probably around their age, came along and handed them the menus. Their eyes almost popped out once they saw the prices. The cabaret offered rare wines and imported champagne and all sorts of pricey liquors. The food was mostly western and thus expensive as well. After gulping once or twice the two decided on less expensive wines and one of the few Korean meals on the menu.
Half past nine, every single seat was taken - exceptionally by men. The people coming here were obviously well off and Sehun felt very out of place. He desperately wished to actually be part of these people but he was just a miserable little journalist. Letting his look wander around he even thought, that he saw one of the ministers for a moment, which made him wonder why a married guy would go to such an establishment. Wasn't he risking his career?
The food was exquisite. Really pricey but so worth it. Sehun was satisfied - at least a little bit. A filled stomach made him see the world just a tad brighter. And the wine wasn't to be sniffed at as well.
Ten o'clock - Sehun was just halfway through his meal - jazzy tunes started to play from the speakers. When Sehun and Chanyeol raised their eyes to the stage excited cheers and clapping started among the audience.
A man dressed in a tuxedo - probably in his mid-thirties - stepped on the stage, with a microphone in his hand. “Hello, gentlemen!”, he greeted exuberantly and was greeted back with hyped calls. “I am Kris, the owner of this humble cabaret, and it's my pleasure to great all of you here tonight. That we would still have such a full house even after three months of opening - we would like to thank you for that. And as I can see, there are some familiar faces already.” He grinned at a few specific tables, that cheered back approvingly. “But at the same time I see so many new faces.” He let his eyes wander around. For a short moment he looked at Sehun as well and the latter just wriggled about on his chair nervously. “So to everyone who is new tonight, please let me explain how this place here works.”, Kris continued. “We have rotating programs with several acts. Sometimes just singing, sometimes just dancing, sometimes both in combination. Every evening has a certain topic. For today it would be modern pop songs. I would like to add that every dance that is getting performed tonight, is specifically choreographed by our … lovely ladies …”
At that, whistles erupted from all around Sehun. Chanyeol sported an excited grin. Sehun's heart was just thundering heavily.
“The first act that they will perform tonight is a dance. So, without further ado, here they are, gentlemen!”, announced Kris and left the stage.
As the first accords of I Feel You by the Wonder Girls started playing, the curtain rose and the cheering reached its peak.
Sehuns eyes were glued to the stage. His mouth went dry. It's been a long time since he last felt this excited. The curtain unveiled ten beautiful - beautiful - ladies standing in line, dressed in the most sultry and revealing outfits. Corsets and fishnet stockings hugged their slim but trained bodies in all the right ways.
Sehun's head became incredibly hot and light all of sudden. Oh, it's been so long …
And once they started moving, gracefully swinging their hips, stretching their hairless legs in a way that it would put Liza Minnelli and the movie to shame, he was lost. Everyone was lost.
If Sehun would have been in his right mind he would have noticed the lack of bust size. He would have noticed that the thighs of the performers were too toned. That the shoulders were a little bit too broad and the arms too muscular. He would have noticed the Adam's apples, the strong jawlines and the actually pretty obvious bulges in the tight lace panties. But Sehun wasn't in his right mind.
His complete attention was drawn to one thing.
The dancer right at the center of the choreography.
The way she moved her body so seductively and the straps that were standing out from her milky skin had Sehun having a … hard time keeping still in his seat. She had such a pretty face. Rosy lips, big eyes, fluttering eyelashes, a lovely smile. Her hair was unusually short but Sehun couldn't be bothered by that right now, as it showed her creamy white neck and collarbones. Sehun just wanted to run onto the stage and hug her, kiss her, do everything!
Chanyeol was equally spaced out, his eyes following a dancer right next to the blonde haired beauty that Sehun was drooling over.
For Sehun it felt like he was watching a beautiful dream unfolding in front of his eyes. This girl, he wanted her, he needed her. The swinging hips pushed him into a whirlwind of emotions he had suppressed for quite some time. And now he wondered why ever did that. They felt wonderful, spreading within every cell. He felt desire, longing, lust drowning him. For a brief second her gaze met with Sehun's and he felt his heart swell. She was goddess on stage. Her movements screamed satisfaction, her eyes sparkled from joy and life, she radiated energy and Sehun was craving it. But like every beautiful dream this one ended far too soon.
Sehun's awakening was harsh.
When the last tone resounded in the hall, the audience erupted into cheers. The ten girls smiled charmingly and bowed.
The blonde haired beauty grabbed a microphone and started speaking.
Sehun's heart dropped.
NO!
“Good evening, gentlemen!”, the soft voice of a guy said. “Do you enjoy yourselves so far? I'm Luhan and as the lead dancer and choreographer I would like to greet you personally.”
Sehun felt sick and he looked - really looked - at the dancers. How could he not have noticed that these were all men?
He slowly dragged his eyes to Chanyeol who looked equally shocked.
“Se-Sehun … I-I swear I didn't know …”, the latter explained pleadingly, as he saw the anger and disgust slowly forming on his friends face.
“How can you dare to bring me to such a place?”, Sehun hissed aggressively.
“Transvestites? For real?”
“Sehun, I'm sorry, I didn't know.”
Sehun just glared at Chanyeol as if he wanted murder him. He kinda really wanted to. Transvestites, these excuses of men …
Did I mention that Sehun is pretty fucking homophobic?
He wanted to leave immediately. He heard and saw all the cheering faggots around him and just wanted to puke.
“Let's go, Chanyeol!”, he wanted to say, but got interrupted by a particularly loud applause from the audience. Startled he looked up and saw the blonde faggot smiling into the microphone.
“So … who's gonna be the lucky guy to come onto the stage with us?”, he asked teasingly. The men whistled and called Luhan to pick them.
Luhan's gaze wandered around until he finally found what he was searching for. A stressed out, agitated face. This guy was sitting in the Cabaret. He was supposed to be smiling. “You!”, he called out.
Sehun felt losing ground. Luhan's eyes were directly locked with his. He couldn't … he couldn't possibly mean him, could he?
“Yes you, with the beige pants and the glasses!”
Where was the hole in the ground that Sehun could jump in? He felt panic rising.
“You're making such a troubled face. Maybe we can cheer you up a little.”
Sehun felt every single pair of eyes in the room penetrating him. Panicky he shook his head. The pressure and the expecting faces suffocated him. His disgust drew every color from his skin.
The other guys booed at him.
“You hear them.”, Luhan grinned. “Everyone else in this room would love to take your place. C'mon, I don't bite. Except, of course, you'd like that.” He winked. Catcalls could be heard again.
Sehun wanted to scream. Sehun wanted to run. Sehun wanted to die.
A few other men from the surrounding tables stood up and grabbed the scared stiff Sehun just to drag him up the stage.
“Wonderful!”, Luhan smiled and pushed him into a chair. “Relax, tiger!”, he muttered as he soothingly caressed Sehun's shoulder.
Sehun didn't even quite catch it. Everything happened like in a rush behind a veil of fear and hate. The hot spotlights seemed to burn his skin. The first beats of Lady Gaga's Do What U Want hammered in his ears.
It was supposed to be a nice evening. Instead he found himself facing everything he never wanted to face.
The remaining nine dancers started their choreography as planned. Luhan stayed close to the chair, circling it like a predator its prey.
Sehun was glued to the seat. He couldn't have moved even if he wanted to.
Luhan was dancing much too close to him. He was dancing much too suggestive. He was wearing way too much scandalous lingerie and his gestures were way too much much directed towards Sehun. Our Mr Uptight had absolutely no idea how to deal with the situation. Maybe Sehun had been able to deal with this sorta stuff in the past, but he forgot how to.
Sehun felt a thick lump growing in his throat. He desperately wanted to hate what he saw, but was too caught in the moment, too fascinated by Luhan's sheer talent, too drawn in into the explosive fire that seemed to blow up the room. It reminded him, oh how it reminded him …
He felt the heat of Luhan's body standing behind him, coming closer. He felt a graceful hand resting on his left shoulder and sneaky fingers crawling down his collar. His breath was stuck in his throat.
He felt a second hand resting on his right shoulder and an arm circling around his neck. Lips came close to his ear, the velvety voice whispering: “Do what you want, what you want with my body!”
He felt lava dripping into his chest, spreading fast. He felt burning within his every cell. He felt his body aching for … something … something … He felt it. He felt what he was fearing. It was waking up. He felt the creature in the cage waking up. The creature was sensing the heat, it was feeling the energy. It felt how weak it was. It felt how hungry - starving - it was. It started to scream.
Sehun's breath sped up. He didn't even notice the flashlights anymore. Or the audience. Or Chanyeol. It was just him. Invisibly tied to a chair. And the dancing flame.
As the song progressed, Luhan was writhing around the chair, having Sehun's lap as his goal. When he reached it, he shamelessly seated himself in the most luring manner on the others stiff legs, facing him and rolling his lean hips.
Sehun wanted to push him away. Sehun wanted to pull him closer.
Sehun wanted to knock him off. Sehun wanted to grab his hips.
Sehun wanted to punch him in the guts. Sehun wanted to run his fingers through the fluffy locks.
Sehun … didn't know what he wanted. Which left him indifferent in action.
Luhan sensually circled his hips close to Sehun's groin, his hands resting on the miserable man's neck. The black straps were deliciously stretching on his well-formed thighs. He pulled Sehun's face closer and tenderly rested his forehead on the others, their hot breathes meeting in the middle. Usually Luhan didn't go this far, but the grumpy looking man had such a nice and pleasing scent. He had to force himself not to bury his head into the others shoulder. He may looked nerdy from distance, but up close he made Luhan speechless. If styled correctly this guy could destroy every model to walk the runway. So stunning.
Caught in each others daze, their eyes stayed interlocked. The music revolved around them and lifted them up, up high.
When the songs finally got drowned out into the off, Sehun's senses came back. He realized that he was sitting on stage in a gay club with a guy in a corset quite literally giving him a lap dance. His eyes widened in horror.
Luhan realized that he had stayed on Sehun's lap for a tad to long - how unprofessional. He quickly retreated and threw an endearing laugh to the audience that had been on edge ever since the act started.
The following hurricane of applause had Sehun jumping out of his seat like a scalded cat and hurrying down the stairs and out of the hall. He didn't even think of his friend Chanyeol still sitting in there. He needed to get OUT OF HERE. And this whole embarrassing ordeal was the other's fault anyway.
The checkroom attendant came rushing towards Sehun when he noticed that one of the guests wanted to leave early. “Sir, you want to go already?”, he asked surprised.
“Didn't you like the show?”
“I … I just want to leave now.”, Sehun answered curtly and told the attendant the number of his coatrack.
While Sehun was waiting for a few seconds until the other came back with his trenchcoat, a side door opened and a breathless Luhan hurried into the entrance hall. When he spotted his target he called out: “Hey, sir, excuse me?”
Sehun turned around and immediately became as white as a sheet. Oh no no no no no … He didn't know what to do and stumbled towards the door, despite not having his coat back yet.
“Sir, please wait a second.”, Luhan continued with a apologetic expression. “I need to talk to you.”