Cabaret: Part 3

[selubrationmod]

Soundtrack: 16. Sofa Surfers - Witness // 17. EXO - Call Me Baby (Everlasting Love Mix) // 18. Madcon - Beggin // 19. BIGBANG - Let's Not Fall In Love // 20. Melody Gardot - Deep Within The Corners Of My Mind // 21. Tove Lo - Talking Body // 22. Lana Del Rey - Fucked My Way Up To The Top // 23. Sofia Karlberg - Good For You

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CHAPTER 3

One hour later and the two of them were fucking drunk. Their tongues became loose in the meantime as well. Luhan told anecdotes from his time working at the cabaret and Sehun offered the-very-best-of-awkward-moments as a journalist in return. They laughed and giggled and Sehun couldn't recall the time he last had felt this joyful and at ease.

Somehow Luhan ended up on Sehun's lap. Sehun didn't care. In fact he liked it. Luhan felt like an exuberant, little flame on his legs. His own, personal fire that warmed his heart.

With his glass of liquor Luhan snuggled into Sehun's neck. “Hmm …”, he purred. “You're smelling so nice again.”

“Huh?” Sehun was confused.

“You smell nice.”, Luhan repeated.

“Oh!”

“Yeah …” Luhan looked into Sehun's eyes - the tension almost bursting the room. “But again those glasses …” He took them of Sehun's nose.

This time Sehun didn't complain. He was too fascinated by the pinkish tongue that darted across Luhan's lips.

Luhan examined Sehun's appearance thoroughly and concentrated. “And this hair … is irksome …”

“What, why?”

“It's just … Did you wallpaper your hair at your skin?” He started to run his fingers through Sehun jelled hair and get it a little bit more messy - well, at least he tried to.

Sehun wanted to defend himself, but Luhan's hands felt so pleasant, that he chose not to.

When the strands finally hung over Sehun's eyes and looked wonderfully disheveled, Luhan was satisfied. More than just satisfied, actually. He made a squeaky little noise at the back of his throat. Oh yes, Sehun can rock this look. Damn! “Wow.”, he mused in amazement. “You look hot.”

Sehun made a surprised “Huh?”.

“Really, really hot …” Luhan licked his lips. He slowly moved forward until his forehead touched Sehun's. “Very tasty …”, he breathed seductively.

The latter's breath got stuck in his throat. “You said you wouldn't eat me.”

“Well, maybe …” Luhan changed his position on Sehun's lap so that his legs hung down to both sides and his hips were placed right above the younger's. “ … I lied.”

“But you … but you … but I …”, Sehun tried to complain helplessly but didn't seem to be opposing the situation in any other way. In this very moment he felt paralyzed.

His heart and his mind crashed against each other and fought destructively.

“Shhhhhh …” Luhan placed a finger on Sehun's lips. “Why are you restraining yourself so much? I know you wanna sit here. You know you wanna sit here …”

“Because I .. be-because …”, Sehun stammered. He didn't know what to do. His body shivered and shook. “I can't. I just can't. I'm not … This is not …”

“Of course you can.”, Luhan whispered close to his mouth, the warm breath hitting Sehun's lips.

A desperate sob came from the latter's throat.

“Shhhhh …” Luhan laid a calming, warm hand on Sehun's tense neck and pulled him closer. “So … you're a super straight boy, right …”

Sehun nodded frantically.

“And kissing one guy, won't make you gay … if you're so super straight … right?”, Luhan suggested in a luring tone of voice.

Sehun was too drunk to think about this. “… Probably not …”

“Uh-huh, think so too …” And with these words Luhan softly lowered his lips on Sehun's.

Sehun was unable to move. And even if he hadn't been, he wouldn't have known what to do. Because how do you kiss a guy? He tried to follow Luhan's movements. But he was too overwhelmed by everything anyways. Luhan's mouth felt electrifying - like an energy drink for Sehun's soul. His heart was roaring in joy. It felt so free, so unleashed, so daring and so compelled. It was at the verge of jumping out of Sehun's trembling chest.

Luhan's hand tightened around Sehun's neck and a second hand got back to messing up the jelled hair. He moved his lips lightly, not wanting to scare Sehun of, but the latter didn't seem to run away anytime soon, so he deepened the kiss. He nibbled at Sehun's lower lip and let his tongue slip out for a quick second to lick across it.

That was the point when life returned to Sehun's body. Like a kick start it flashed through him. A deep groan erupted from his throat, that had Luhan's heart fluttering. Hesitantly he placed a hand on the latter's hip and pulled him closer. Not a single piece of paper would have fit in between their bodies. His other hand slowly climbed up Luhan's waist, chest, neck and up into that fluffy hair that Sehun wanted to feel beneath his fingers so desperately.

He dared to kiss back. He felt scandalized and disgusted with himself, yet so thrilled and ecstatic at the same time. He sat there; he was kissing Luhan. And why? Because he had the urge to. Because it felt good. Oh, it felt so good.

He hadn't had such intimate contact with another human being in such a long time. He felt like dying from thirst and Luhan was the fountain of life. So he drank it down. Eagerly, greedily.

He moved his lips carefully and followed Luhan's lead, not wanting to make an embarrassing mistake. Luhan's tongue was pushing against his and he shivered. Could he dare …? He could. Sehun opened his mouth hesitantly. Their tongues met in the middle and a moan left their throats.

“Sehun …”, Luhan breathed into the kiss and Sehun got a very warm, fuzzy feeling in his belly.

While their tongues continued to slickly dance around and explore every corner of each others mouths, Luhan began to circle his hips - slowly and experienced.

Sehun's breath hitched when he noticed what was happening. The rising sensation in his pants caught him off guard. He couldn't be seriously getting a boner for another guy, could he? Even in his daze he wanted to say something, but a particularly hard roll of Luhan's hip had him throwing his head back and letting out a growled “Fuck!”.

“Oh wow …”, Luhan giggled. “You're cursing. That's kinda hot, too.” He began to nibble at Sehun earlobe and worked his way down his neck.

Sehun didn't know what to do with himself. The sensation of Luhan's lips and tongue moving and kissing on his skin felt so uplifting and surreal to him. Every touched spot seemed to be burning and aching for more.

A hand sneaked down to touch Sehun's groin.

Sehun squealed. “Luhan, the fuck are you doin'?”

“Eating you up!”, Luhan answered sassily while circling his tongue around Sehun's Adam's apple and simultaneously zipping up the the latter's pants.

“Luhan, wait-”

Luhan slid down from Sehun's lap and in between the others legs, facing the crotch.

“Luhan, what? No …”, Sehun babbled, realizing what the other was about to do.

“Really?”, Luhan asked mischievously. “You want me to stop with that erection of yours?” He pointed at the bulge in Sehun's pants.

Sehun flushed red. “Bu-bu-bu-but … I …”

“Relax. Nothing a girl couldn't do as well. And I'll be good, I promise.” He winked and grabbed Sehun's package through the fabric and began to fondle it.

So, now the problem was, that to some degree Sehun didn't want this. But at the same time he very much did. The picture of Luhan kneeling between his legs with his big eyes, loose strands of blonde hair and lips swollen from the kiss - it was almost too much to handle. Plus, he was fucking horny.

Luhan felt the resistance disappear. “Consider this a favor. Some people would pay a lot of money for this.”

“I thought you don't sell your body.” Sehun muttered with a hammering heart.

“True, I don't.” And with these words Luhan pulled down Sehun boxers.

A rock hard erection sprung in his face.

Luhan took a hold at the base and began stroking the lengthy, thick shaft in languid movements. “Nice …”, he commented at the size.

Sehun's face felt like burning. He was so embarrassed at the moment, but the touch of
Luhan's fingers wiped every ounce of shame, logic and doubt out of his brain. A keen moan escaped from his lips.

With his eyes interlocked with Sehun's, Luhan lowered his lips and kissed the head.

Sehun died.

Luhan's tongue began licking and slicking the cock up and down. He sucked and kissed at every part. What a nice dick, he thought. So many things that you could do with it … He took it in his mouth.

Sehun resurrected.

And holy fucking shit! Luhan's mouth was awesome. The way he hollowed his cheeks, the way he bobbed his head up and down pushed Sehun so fast so close to the edge. Panting he sat in his chair, sweat forming on his forehead and rolling down his face and neck.

Luhan's eyes sparkled with lust and desire, while his lips stretched around the girth. The picture burned itself into Sehun's retina. This man is everything, he deserves everything, those were the thoughts that flashed through Sehun's mind in that moment.

A specifically hard suck got Sehun moaning out again. “Fuck … Lu … I think I'm gonna-”

A last lick at the head and he came. The edge was calling and he jumped.

Spurts of cum hit Luhan's face.

And - fuck - Sehun was down for. For real, this time. “Gosh …”, he groaned, panting hard. “That was … fuck …”

Luhan looked at Sehun salaciously. His tongue darted out to lick across his lips and reached a few drops of cum. He swallowed. FUCK!

This evening Sehun ran home - yes, ran! He felt so many things at once, like a storm that broke loose within him. He had no idea how to deal with all of these emotions.

He was disgusted. With himself and Luhan. What had they done? How could Sehun let such a disreputable thing happen? And how could Luhan dare to push him this far? And even more important: Why did he like it?

He was scared, because of exactly that last question. He did like it, there was no point in denying that. But what did that tell about him? He didn't want to know the answer. He didn't want to face the consequences that the answer would bring.

He was satisfied. Quite honestly, he hadn't come this hard in ages. And after having had his hand as the only helper for a few years, this had felt like the biggest relieve on earth.

He was fascinated. Luhan had him in awe. He wanted to fight it and he honestly tried to, but it didn't work out - not a single time. Luhan wiped away all of Sehun's guard and persona with just a blink of his big, sparkling eyes. Sehun felt so vulnerable and exposed around him, yet so secure and understood at the same time. Luhan made such a trustworthy impression on him. He couldn't not tell him about his day and everything that bothered him. Luhan seemed so just and rational. He judged ideas, not people. In Luhan's eyes people made mistakes and could change. He could differentiate - a quality that made him stick out from most people. Sehun was drawn to such a personality for he felt so accepted in Luhan's presence, even though he didn't present himself that way. Luhan's genuineness intrigued him and he didn't know how to stop it - in fact, he didn't want it to stop.

These thoughts messed with Sehun's head that night and the next day. So many more or less biased arguments he tried to balance out within himself.

Ultimately, Sehun felt so very confused.

~

Sehun angrily slammed the door of newspaper's bureau shut. A few startled co-workers followed him with their eyes. He was really hopping mad this day.

Earlier he had to interview some old ladies on their opinions on a local, progressive politician's opinion to finally pass a law regarding the legalization of gay marriage. Of course the old ladies were enraged - homosexuality was a disease and it's probably the fault of all the foreigners and shit like that … Sehun had to listen to their repetitive rambling for at least half an hour and he got more and more aggressive by the second. It wasn't his idea to make these interviews. His boss thought it would be such a great idea to have some senior citizens' opinions on the whole issue. It felt like such a waste of time to Sehun. Fucking. Useless. Especially after having spent some time with Luhan and getting a bl- … a blow- … a blowjob from him, he didn't feel comfortable with this topic and those hateful opinions at all. Luhan surely changed Sehun's views quite a bit.

Speaking of Luhan, he didn't contact the older since the … incident. It's not because he didn't want to see Luhan anymore or because he was too full of disgust and hate; he really needed some time for himself now. He needed time to think without any influence on that. His confusion really got the best of him. Sehun realized that he had to get his mind straight - or not. Well, but that was exactly the question. He also didn't contact Luhan, because he didn't know how. They never exchanged numbers or anything.

Exhausted from work and life he slumped into the chair in his office and sighed deeply. This job would surely ruin every kind, empathetic cell in his body and leave behind a broiling mass of resentment and saltiness, regretting every important life decision ever. He thought this would be the way to go, the way to happiness - the only remaining way to happiness, that is. But he was wrong. He saw it, he heard it, he felt it, when he was with Luhan. There was a different way, the same way that Luhan chose. It was tempting for Sehun to just linger around, daydreaming about what if … Sehun wished he could be like Luhan. The older seemed so confident, so brave, so free … Luhan wasn't unhappy with his life and that was the reason why he could deal with an angry, insulting Sehun so easily, why he knew, what Sehun needed to hear, why he didn't waver in his position.

The stamping feet of his boss pulled Sehun out of his thoughts. Mr Kwon dropped some papers on Sehun's desk. “Here, Mr Oh, I would like you to write an article about that. Nothing important, but the people talk about it.”

Sehun pursed his lips and leafed through the documents and prints. “Sir, with all due respect, these ain't even verified sources. This is all … trash …”, Sehun answered with a dumbfounded expression.

“I know.”, replied Mr Kwon unimpressed. “But what can I do? People wanna hear this shit.”

“Sir, this has absolutely nothing to do with professional journalism.”

“Professional journalism? Ha!” He faked an amused laughter. “Sehun, Sehun, Sehun … Don't even mention it to me.”

“But sir, our professional honor-”

“Blablabla … People wanna read, you write it, Sehun. That's how it works. Bread and circuses for the people, you remember? And if the people are dumb enough to believe that shit, let them. Doesn't bother me and shouldn't bother you, too.”

Sehun huffed. Unbelievable.

“You got those interviews on the faggot-stuff finished?”

“Yes, sir.” Sehun pointed at his recorders.

“Good, good. I expect the article to be finished by tomorrow morning. I want it to be the headline of the Wednesday issue, 'kay?”

Sehun nodded, already fearing the mountain of work.

“Maybe you could also think a dramatic headline. Something along the lines of Korea is turning gay or The faggot-invasion. I want the people to buy this shit.”

“Yes sir, I'll try my best.”

“Yeah, please do that, Mr Oh! I feel like your articles are kinda lacking lately. You don't seem to be putting in the same amount of effort anymore. Why could that be?”

Sehun gulped. “Yeah, why could that be?”, he muttered under his breath.

“What did you say?”, asked Mr Kwon inquisitively.

“Nothing, sir! I'll try my best, I promise.”

“Yes, let's hope so.” The threat in Mr Kwon's voice was obvious.

When his boss stamped out of the office, making more noise than a damn train, Sehun rested his head in his hands. He was really unhappy.

Later that day, while Sehun was busy bullshitting an article, Chanyeol burst into his office.

“Dude, look!”, he began.

“Chanyeol, I'm busy.” Sehun turned him down even before the older could utter an explanation.

“Please, Sehun. You've been ignoring me since over a week now and I feel awful.”

“Chanyeol, can we talk about this later? As you can see, I'm really busy right now.” Sehun sounded annoyed.

“So you can outrun me again? No, forget it. Look, I know it's my fault. I carried you to that cabaret and if I didn't, you wouldn't have needed to go up that stage with those faggots. I'm sorry, man. You can be angry at me as much as you want, but please don't ignore me anymore. I should've looked that club up instead of going there blindly. It's my fault.”

Sehun sighed. “To be honest, Chanyeol, it's not your fault - well, not completely at least. I could've looked it up as well. And my reaction there was too extreme. If I would've dealt with it in a more relaxed manner, maybe I wouldn't have been so pissed.”

“Huh? … Since when … do you admit making a mistake …”

“Uh, well …” Sehun blushed deeply.

“You usually blame everyone else.”

“Yeah, just keep rubbin' my nose in it …”

“You changed, man … for the better …” Chanyeol sat down on the chair in front of Sehun's desk.

“Thanks … I guess …” Sehun sighed again. “Those damn articles, I swear …”

“Huh, what you gotta write?”

“Some nonsense of old people's irrelevant opinion's, as if it would concern them in any way … Most of them wouldn't even live to see the legalization of that stuff … And this shit!” Sehun pointed at Mr Kwon's paper's.

“What's this?” Chanyeol skimmed them and broke out into disbelieving laughter.

“Illuminati? For real? Like …”

“I know …”, Sehun groaned. “Like this I'll never have a chance to become a renowned journalist anyways. “Writing conspiracy shit …” He turned up his nose on it.

“Dude, like … that's harsh.” Chanyeol laid the papers back on the table and whispered: “I swear, that old man's gotta hate you.”

“Probably. Well, it would explain a lot of things.”

“Hey you got anything to do on - WAIT, WHAT IS THAT?”

Sehun looked at Chanyeol, startled. “What is what?”

“This!”, he pointed at some blueish shimmering hickeys on Sehun's neck.

“You got laid, dude. Yooooooooo!”

Sehun flushed bright pink as he tried to cover up the hickeys.

“And I thought you'd stay a virgin forever.”

“Hey, I wasn't virgin …”, Sehun retorted.

“Yeah … Sure … But was she hot?” Chanyeol grinned at him eagerly.

“Errrrr …” Sehun hated lying. “Kinda … yeah … but it's not like that …”

After that Chanyeol tried to press information about those ominous hickeys out of him, but Sehun stood firm. However, he accepted that forgiving his best friend was probably a good idea, considering that he wasn't even that pissed anymore. In fact, it might have been a really good thing.

~

A frustrating week lay behind Sehun. One stupid, pointless article followed the next. With every hour of work he got closer to losing his mind.

The funny thing about it was, that he had to write these exact same articles before he met Luhan, but somehow it hadn't bothered him as much. Now it did and it was one of the most infuriating things Sehun ever experienced in is life. Realizing in what sort of ridiculous delusion you lived your life until this point … Sehun wanted to tear his world apart. Just erase everything that bothered him and do what he likes.

But … he couldn't. He had studied journalism. It's all he knew, it's what he learned. And changing his career? Or just change the company? In THIS economy?

If he would quit - and he thought about that quite often lately - there would be no source of income. And he needed money to live …

At night Sehun frequently laid awake for many hours. His thoughts and fantasies revolved around a certain crossdressing dancer. There was no way in denying it anymore. Despite meeting him just three times, Sehun was sure that he was attracted to the man - to his body as well as his personality. Pictures of Luhan sucking his cock again haunted him at night and he would wake up the next morning, having jizzed in his pants. And occasionally, when Sehun felt very lonely and private, his mind would go even farther. He imagined having Luhan beneath him, wantonly writhing and moaning his name, eyes sparkling full of lust. The images made Sehun's heart flutter and head swim. His insides turned so hot. They longed for implementation.

Meanwhile Sehun was deeply caught in his existential crisis. Was he gay? Was he … a faggot, too? Was his whole life a lie? It probably was. But having learned and grown accustomed to the fact that being gay is wrong, it was really hard for him to even consider the possibility. He thought, that he most likely was able to learn to accept homosexuals or people of any other sexuality, for that matter. He got to know Luhan and he seemed like a perfectly reasonable and kind human being to Sehun. Sure, the whole lingerie stuff was something he had to get used to, but that was just Luhan's … well, profession. But there wasn't actually anything disgusting about him as person. And Sehun was convinced that the other dancers were normal people, too. The more his heart became accepting, the less hateful and heavy it got. So, despite having stress with his job, he didn't feel as hopeless, grim and dogged anymore. He felt more at peace with the world and himself.

On this exhausting week's Saturday, Sehun strolled through a convenience store; he didn't have any instant ramyun anymore. After having finished his last article for the week early in the morning, he was free for today and wondered what to do with his time.

He had the urge run to the Cabaret, to see Luhan again. However, he still couldn't properly get on with the idea of feeling … something for the other male. Also, how was he supposed to approach Luhan after what happened last time. After he had come down from his high, he made a run for it, stumbling and stuttering and utterly thrown off. So what was he supposed to say to Luhan next time? Thank you? Sorry? A stupid justification? And would all of that even have an effect on Luhan? The latter seemed to be able to read Sehun's mind, so why even trying?

Sehun's hand reached out for a package of noodles, when his fingers clashed with the hand of another person. “Sorry.”, he muttered qickly.

“Sehun?”, asked a disbelieving, familiar voice.

Sehun turned to the side and at first he didn't even recognize the person standing there - a youthful man in casual clothing with sparkling eyes … Wait! “Luhan?”

“In person. Now that's a funny coincidence to meet you here.” He giggled amused.

“What's going on? You look so confused.”

“Uh …” It was Sehun's first time seeing Luhan without make-up and he was shocked to see how normal the other looked - well, not exactly normal, his face was still stunning. It seemed a little more masculine, though. “I … am just surprised … to see you in this attire.”

“You mean normal clothing and bare face?” Luhan grinned teasingly. “Yeah, I guess that must be quite a change for you. But, you know, I am an actual person. Not some dream figure, 'kay?” He winked at Sehun - very much aware of the effect he had on him - and the latter flushed red.

“I-It's just … I thought … well, I always assumed … because of the female lingerie and … I just thought, that you … well …”, he stuttered uncohorently.

“… That I'd rather be a woman?”, Luhan guessed.

Sehun nodded embarrassed.

“Okay, you see … I can't really blame for thinking like this. You barely know anything about these concepts, so how are you supposed to think differently? But no! I am perfectly fine with being a man. I just really like to dress up and I find female clothing, especially lingerie, very pleasing to wear.” He lifted his hands in a nonchalant “tcha”-pose. “And maybe it'd be better to talk about this stuff somewhere else other than a convenience store.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Where could we go?”

“My apartment is close.”

“Okay.”, Luhan smiled satisfied and Sehun realized that he just invited the other into his home. Oh, shit.

“Hey, Sehun, I don't wanna be rude or anything but your apartment is really fucking boring.”, Luhan declared after looking around in the other's living room.

“I know.”, Sehun sighed.

“You know it?” Luhan raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“And you still wanna keep it that way? Why?”

Sehun shrugged. “Don't know. I guess, it's easier to forget what I'm missing

…” Right after he said that, he wished he didn't.

“Missing? What are you missing?” Luhan's curiosity was awakened.

“… Stuff …”, Sehun answered meekly.

“A little bit more precision, please.”

“Nothing … just some … stuff from the past …”

Luhan knew he was on to something here. “Past?”

“Well, it's … it's dumb and ridiculous. I'm afraid I might get a little bit too nostalgic, if I think about it too much. And nostalgia isn't good. I can't change the past. It's distracting.”

“Distracting from what?”

“Uhm … My life and my plans.

“What plans?”

“Well … you know … the usual.” Sehun blushed.

“The usual? What is a usual life?”

Sehun blushed even harder. “You know … promotion, a house, wife and kids … the usual …”

“Wife and kids … huh …”, Luhan whispered to himself. He then looked looked into Sehun's eyes and the latter could have sworn, that he saw a hint of sadness.

“That's your idea of an ideal life?”, the dancer asked dejectedly.

Sehun saw the emotions wavering behind Luhan's eyes. “Y-Yeah …”, he muttered with a dry throat.

“And are you currently pursuing that path?”

“Y-Y-Yeah …”

“But does it make you happy?”

Sehun felt like his insides were turning into ice. He had the urge to puke. He gulped. But did it make him happy?

Just at that moment Luhan's stomach growled and Sehun thankfully accepted that wonderful excuse to end the conversation. “You're hungry. I'm gonna cook us something.”

Luhan was surprised that Sehun's cooked food was actually edible.

He realized, that he reached out to a point within Sehun that seemed to be the source of all evil. And Sehun instantly shut down. Obviously it was a delicate topic. Something really dream-shattering must have happened in the journalist's life. So dream-shattering, that he forgot to be happy in the
process.

Luhan was determined to break that wall that held back Sehun's memories and aspirations. He was convinced that Sehun would be a wonderful person if he'd just let go of all the negative things that dragged him down. Luhan wanted to free him. The reason for this determination was quite obvious. Luhan himself went through that harsh phase in his life when he was around the age of twenty. His parents condemned his homosexuality as well as many of his so-called friends. He had to make an important decision - the right one, he thought. But what was right under these circumstances?

Sehun had apparently chosen the other path, the one that Luhan avoided. If he hadn't decided the way he did, he'd probably be a stockbroker by now, speculating on water resources in Africa and watching the local water prices skyrocket, because it'd just be such a dandy investment for the future, not caring if any more children died from thirst. So what was the wrong decision here? To Luhan it was obvious. But who was he to judge other people on their life choices? So usually he didn't care for the other people - but Sehun was special. Sure, there was his underlying homosexuality or bisexuality, that he hadn't been aware of so far (or maybe he had been aware and suppressed it), but to Luhan that didn't seem like the actual problem with Sehun - more like a by-product of something else.

Now he debated on how he could approach Sehun, so that the latter opened up to Luhan. He didn't want to push the man too much, he had already trusted him with so much information. Maybe he would have to pull Sehun out a little bit more from the dreariness of his walls.

“Sehun?”, he asked with his mouth full.

“Yes?” Sehun's voice sounded a lot smaller since Luhan had been so inquisitive earlier.

“I thought … Maybe you would like to accompany me to my training.”

“What training?”

“For the cabaret, of course, dummy.”, he giggled. “Believe it or not, but I am not magically able to dance like that.”

“Oh … yeah uhm … okay, I guess … When?”

“Right after we're done eating, if you wanna?”

“Don't you have a performance today? I mean, it's Saturday.”

“No. Today's my free Saturday.”

“But won't I be just sitting around?”

“No. You can watch me.” Luhan poked out his tongue teasingly and winked.

Sehun blushed hard.

~

Needless to say, that Sehun was captivated by Luhan. The dancer didn't wear lingerie and high heels during training, but his movements were just as seductive. He rolled his body so deliciously while Tove Lo's Talking Body blasted from the speakers.

Sehun sat on a chair in the corner and he was utterly glad to be so captivated by Luhan. Otherwise his thoughts would wander to forbidden places - no, not those thoughts.

It was this location that made his heart ache. A dance studio - wooden floor, mirrored walls - in the floor above the Cabaret's grand hall. The way the sound would resonate between the walls was so familiar to Sehun. He had heard it so many times - a very long time ago. It made the creature within Sehun so antsy, so nervous, so restless. It wanted to move, not be sitting on a chair. It wanted to feel so free again.

Luhan finished his choreography and started it again and again, until sweat was dripping from his chin and his skin shimmered under the light of the neon tubes. He breathed heavily and slumped to the floor.

“You look completely shattered.”, Sehun commented.

“No shit, Sherlock.”, Luhan replied dryly and continued huffing for a while.

Sehun seated himself next Luhan, sick of rotting in the corner. “You train really hard.”

“Not hard enough.”

Sehun saw in the mirror how Luhan sat up.

“I still feel like I'm somewhat lacking when I'm dancing this one.”, Luhan admitted. “I don't make any technical mistakes, but somehow … the feeling is just not right, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You do?” Luhan looked at him surprised.

Sehun nodded silently. He shouldn't have said anything.

“Sehun … have you ever … Can you dance?”

Sehun flinched. “N-No … I can't d-dance.”

“You sure?” Luhan saw it. This was the wall again, but he wouldn't give Sehun another chance to escape.

“Yes.”, Sehun whispered sadly. “One-hundred percent sure.”

What is this? What exactly is the problem?, Luhan thought. Gotta dig deeper. “Then … would you maybe like me to show you how? I'm a pretty good teacher.” He winked.

Sehun flushed slightly, but shook his head. “No, thanks.”

“Oh c'mon, please. Do it for me.” Luhan pouted.

“Don't pout. It looks ridiculous.”

“You're lying and you know it. It looks adorable.”

“Hmpf.” Sehun rolled his eyes like a diva.

“Come on, Sehun. Please. Dance with me. I'll do something easy and slow.”

“No, Luhan. I swear, I can't dance.” At this point the bitterness in Sehun's voice became really obvious.

Luhan realized, that he would probably make Sehun cry. “That's stupid. How many times have you tried it to know that for sure? So far you didn't seem to me like someone who goes to clubs a lot. Come ooooon …”

“For the last time, Luhan, I can't dance.” Sehun's voice grew angrier. He didn't want to discuss about this. He didn't even want to think about this - he couldn't.

“And why not? Why is this such a problem? We can't we just have some fun like that? No need to be a perfect dancer.”

At that Sehun suddenly rose to his feet. “You don't understand it, don't you?”, he shouted heatedly.

Luhan looked at him - shocked. He didn't such an extreme reaction.

“It's not that I can't dance …”, Sehun continued angrily. “It's that I CAN'T DANCE.”

“Sehun, what-”

“I can't! It's physically impossible for me, okay!?” And there they were. The tears that Luhan predicted. Sehun slowly fell down to his knees and began to sob.

Luhan just sat next to Sehun for a few seconds; the picture of Sehun crying threw him off completely. Then he robbed close to the other and hugged him tightly. “I'm sorry, Sehun. I'm so, so sorry.”

Sehun sobbed even harder and buried his head in Luhan's shoulder. “I-I c-can't dance, L-Luhan, I just c-can't d-dance.”

“But you want to dance.”, realized Luhan sympathetically and rubbed Sehun's neck. He felt him nodding into his shoulder.

“Y-Yes … I want to dance … so, so, so much … but I can't … I can't …”

They knelt on the floor for a long time. Luhan tried his best to comfort Sehun, who just wouldn't stop crying. But still, Luhan wasn't sorry for pushing Sehun this far. At first he thought, not pushing Sehun would be the best idea. But this obviously very deep wound was something that Sehun very deliberately ignored, for many years probably. This was a wound that never healed and Sehun's best way to handle the pain was turning his back on it, to take on another life, another personality. A life that he knew would hurt enough to distract him from everything else. Luhan could see all of it now in front if him. So no, Luhan wasn't sorry. Sehun would've never opened up to admit such a deep wound - never! But it was so necessary that this finally happened. The wounds finally needed to heal, to get treatment. Judging by Sehun's current state, it was his first time crying about the loss of his abilities ever since - well, when actually?

When Sehun finally calmed down, his eyes were red and puffed. Dry tears stretched on his skin.
“Sehun …”, Luhan began. “How and what exactly happened?”

“It h-happened eight years ago.”, Sehun hiccuped with a teary voice. “My f- … My right foot got pretty much shattered.” He rubbed his ankle as if he was feeling pain again. “It took me about a year in a rehab clinic to be able to walk again properly. And I mean, just walking, okay. The doctors said, if I'd be ever able to walk again like this, it'd be a miracle. The instructors in the rehab clinic told me, that I'll never be able to do anything straining with this foot again if I want to be able to walk when I'm older. So no sports and especially no dancing …” Sehun gulped dryly, reliving one of his most horrendous memories. “Of course, I thought, if the doctors were wrong about me never being able to properly walk again, why wouldn't the rehab instructors be wrong, too? The day I was allowed to go home, I went to my usual dance studio. I danced a pretty simple dance for about half a minute and then I felt the pain, I thought my foot would split into two. And I saw, that the instructors were right. I've never danced ever since and I'll never be able to dance again. Never.”

Luhan didn't know what to say. His heart hurt so much just listening to it. If something like this would happened to him, he wouldn't know what to do. Not being able to dance anymore …

“I wanted to become a dancer, you know …”, Sehun told crestfallen. “A professional dancer … I don't wanna brag, but I was pretty good. Every day in the rehab clinic I told myself, if I just work hard enough I'll be able to dance again perfectly fine. When I realized that I was wrong … well … Now you know …”

“Oh, Sehun … I'm so sorry.”, Luhan whispered.

“You said that already.”, Sehun replied bitterly.

“Well, what am I supposed to say to that?”

Luhan knew before, that Sehun's past was a quite different caliber. Luhan had the chance to choose his path - he hurt and angered a lot of people, including his family, in the process - but he was able to. Sehun wasn't. Who knew how Sehun would've decided if he had all his options laid out. Now he was just standing in front of the shards of his dreams, unable to ever put them back together. No, wait. That's not the best way to phrase it. Sehun WAS the shards. He was utterly and completely broken. The only thing that helped to temporarily stick the shards together was that bland delusion of an ideal life and the far light of promised happiness in the future. Without it, he was nothing. A lump of misery on the floor.

So, what did Sehun need? He needed to somehow put the shards back together. But it was impossible. So what to do? There was another way. Take the shards, melt them and form something new. And Sehun couldn't do it alone. Or maybe he could? With the right impetus?

“Sehun …” Expectant eyes rested on Luhan. “You said you haven't danced ever since, so how do you now, that your condition is still this bad? Maybe it got better …”

“Luhan, trust me. I know.”

“Okay, then … What sort of dance did you do?”

“Hm … mostly Hip-Hop, sometimes a little R'n'B.”

“You did Hip-Hop?”, Luhan asked incredulously.

“Yes … what's the problem?”, Sehun asked irritated.

“Nothing …”, Luhan giggled. “It's just that you're such a square and … yeah, okay, I'm quiet. Soooo … have you ever tried a different style of dancing?”

“Where is this supposed to get me?”

“I mean a style that is not as straining for you foot. Maybe something where you can sit on a chair?”

“No, I … haven't tried this so far …” Something lightened up in Sehun's eyes. He seemed to realize, where Luhan was going with his questions. “I've never been particularly interested in these dances, but …”

“Would you maybe like to try it?”, Luhan questioned eagerly. “I thought of this new choreography. It's for two people and one of them - the 'male' part - is dancing on the chair. It's supposed to look a little bit like the times we choose people from audience to come on stage, but a lot more … arranged and …”, he coughed. “... interactive. I haven't done something like this before, too. So …”

Sehun's heart hammered in his chest. “I would like to try, Luhan.”

Luhan smiled when he saw a glint of confidence sparking up in the taller's eyes. “Okay, let's do it!”

The music waved through the studio, sounding slow and dragging; painting space, time and hearts in colors of languid and tantalizing melancholy.

Sehun watched like a hawk how Luhan presented his idea of his part for the choreography to Lana Del Rey's Fucked My Way Up To The Top. He felt an old call inside him, an urge to prove himself, to get lost in the music.

After repeating the dance three times, Luhan stopped and turned towards Sehun. “Your turn. If there are some things you can't do, I'm sure we can alter that.”

Sehun kicked his city shoes in the corner and his socks right after, since he didn't have any sports shoes with him, of course. Next he got rid of his sweater vest (one of the less embarrassing ones) and dress shirt, causing the side-eyeing Luhan to almost trip once he saw the thick arm muscles, delicious clavicles and fucking broad shoulders hiding beneath the fabric. Phew! Sehun didn't look so squary anymore with just an undershirt on.

Sehun sat down on the chair in the starting position he remembered.

“Ready?”, asked Luhan when the song replayed again.

Sehun nodded and started.

“Life is awesome, I confess.
What I do, I do best.”

Luhan's breath got stuck in his throat once Sehun started dancing. For the moment the latter's movements still seemed a little insecure and rusty, but they carried such an effortless grace. The way he swung his arms and and rolled his body on the seat - it really fucked Luhan up. So far he had witnessed Sehun in at least semi-awkward to totally embarrassing or occasionally cute moments and this was so different from what he had seen from the other. Sehun obviously had experience and talent - Luhan could just fantasize about how good the involuntary journalist must have been.

“I'm a dragon, you're a whore.
Don't even know what you're good for.”

Two minutes into the song, Sehun halted in his movements. “I forgot that part.”, he confessed.

“No problem.”, Luhan muttered with a dry mouth. “You picked up almost everything in that short time. Amazing.”

“Well, it's not my first time.”

“Yeah, I see that. You're pretty good from what I've seen so far.” That was an understatement. “And considering you haven't danced in so long … wow …”

Sehun blushed.

“Is your foot okay?”

“Yes, no pain.” Sehun's smile was satisfied and relieved at the same time.

“Great. I'm gonna show you the rest again.” Luhan stepped closer to Sehun than necessary to lead him through every single move - using every given opportunities to generously touch the skin. It's so soft, Luhan's head screamed. He needed to touch it more.

Surprisingly Sehun didn't seem to mind the touches, though. He went through the rest the of the choreography without any problems and just a small alternation towards the end. He repeated the dance two more times - feeling so fantastic to be able to dance again. It wasn't the way of dancing he had wished to do, but still ten-thousand times better than anything he had done in the last seven years and more than he could ever hope for again.

“Wow, you really learn fast.”, complimented Luhan and for the first time ever he got rewarded with a big, fat and genuinely self-satisfied grin on Sehun's plum, rosy lips. A to him unknown mischief glowed up in the youngers's eyes. Luhan's heart skipped a beat.

“But no need to be all smug about it.”, he muttered.

“Oh come on, let me enjoy this. I'm so happy right now. Thank you, Luhan.”

Now it was Luhan's turn to blush. “No biggie.”

“Yes biggie! This is huge for me.”

Awkward silence. “Shall we try it again? This time together with my part?”

“Go ahead!”

With the first soft tones Luhan began writhing on the ground seductively, causing Sehun to struggle to focus on his own parts. When the music began to swell towards the first chorus, Luhan changed to kneeling right in front of Sehun and the latter suddenly understood some of the movements he was supposed to be doing with hands and arms and that did seem a little odd before. He touched Luhan's neck when needed and bent down to almost meet his lips. His heart raced and his breath hitched. Right now, there wasn't a single thing that bothered him about it and he himself was surprised by that.

As the choreography continued, Luhan danced his way around Sehun, wrapping his arms around the flustered man. Crawling fingers made Sehun's blood shoot downwards. They swung and interlocked their arms and enjoyed how perfectly in sync they moved. An ethereal sort of harmony connected the two of them, waved through them and tied them together.

When the last chorus started playing, Luhan's luring antics reached their peak when he whirled onto Sehun's lap - feet hanging down to both sides, facing Sehun.

Sehun gasped. So close. He forgot his next moves and just repeated that one he was doing continuously - rolling his hips against Luhan, who did exactly the same. Sehun felt so hot. Did the temperature just rise? He wanted to tear his clothes off.

Luhan sneaked his arms around Sehun's neck and his fingers in the hair.

In an all too familiar situation Sehun found his forehead resting against Luhan's. The warm breath hitting his face made every nerve within him tingle in anticipation.

When their lips met - uncertain who started - a firework exploded between them and carried them away. While the song replayed again and again, their thrilled bodies rubbed, moved and danced against each other. Their lips kissed, sucked and nibbled, their tongues fought, licked and caressed. Satisfied and still demanding moans, groans, huffs and sighs resonated in the studio.

Sehun dared to go farther for the first time. His mouth started discovering Luhan's sweet skin on his neck, beneath his ears, between the collarbones. A strong desire to mark this flawless canvas overcame him. Tongue and lips left hickey after hickey, until there was barely any spot left.

Luhan lost his mind. Because who would've thought …? Lecherously he grinded down on Sehun, who couldn't hold back a growl that turned Luhan on to no end. He squeaked a lewd “Sehun!”, when the taller had the nerve to slightly bite down on Luhan's exposed shoulder.

Sehun growled again and grabbed the beauty's lush hips to grind them down on his rock hard erection again. “Fuck, Luhan! Do that again.”, he huffed.

Luhan complied all too willingly. He was goddamn horny and he needed satisfaction.

Their cocks rubbed against each through the fabric that created extra friction. Keen sounds escaped their mouths as they chased their orgasms. Movements grew more frantic, desperate and fierce with every second passing. Lips reunited in consuming, yearning kisses.

“S-Sehun, I-I …”

Sehun pounced back on the older's neck. He nibbled and licked around the ear and Luhan started shaking and whimpering.

When the dry humping reached its peak, Luhan buried his head on Sehun's shoulder.

“Luhan … Uh!” The orgasm hit Sehun hard out of nowhere as he came into his pants. “FUCK!”, he shouted to the ceiling. He wanted to help Luhan out and reached for the other's package to start rubbing it. He was rewarded with lustful moans and even more lustful humps, that made him shudder.

Luhan came with a cry, eyes wide open and Sehun's name on his lips.

And when his face was contorted in such bliss and ecstasy, his eyes sparkled from tears and his mouth opened wide, Sehun fell hard. If he hadn't fallen already.

Luhan sat slumped against Sehun's chest on his lap, head resting on a broad shoulder. It's been a while since an orgasm had exhausted him this much and they were just dry humping, so why …?

Luhan felt like he had unconsciously unleashed something in Sehun. Something wild and feral.

Sehun's breath - excited and fast just minutes before - calmed down. A feeling of serenity got a hold of him and it just wouldn't let him go - which was probably for the best. Was this what peace of mind felt like?

His monster was free. He should have never locked it up in the first place. Why did he even do that? He knew why, but did it have any effects? Sooner or later he would have broken down anyways. And he was glad it happened with Luhan.

Luhan …

“Sehun …” His voices sounded hoarse.

“Hm …”

“Please … don't run away this time.”

“I won't.” Sehun assured Luhan and himself. “I won't.”

“Good.”, Luhan muttered and snuggled closer into Sehun's chest.

Sehun felt so light at that action, as if he lost all connection to earth. He hugged Luhan closer and allowed himself to give in to the dream of felicity.